How To CoParent With A Narcissist

KTN How To Co Parent with a Narcissist

Often viewed as one of the harshest outcomes from an ensnarement with a narcissist is the issue of children and co-parenting with the narcissist. A frequent question that is asked of me by many individuals who find themselves in this predicament, worn down and unsure of how to go about this in an effective manner for both themselves and also their child or children.

The most common reason given to failing to implement total no contact is the issue of shared parenting with a narcissist. The attempt to escape the nightmare of ensnarement is viewed as unachievable and increases the concern, fear and anxiety for the non-narcissist parent in feeling eternally chained.

Using HG Tudor’s established expertise with regard to the field of narcissists and narcissism, this Assistance Package addresses a wide range of matters in an easy-to-understand manner, with practical advice and tips which have been successfully used by individuals co-parenting with narcissists and all based on HG Tudor’s unrivalled understanding.

This Assistance package covers

Co-Parenting as part of your no contact regime

Tackling handover arrangements with regard to children

Reducing the risk of being hoovered because of co-parenting

Handling hoovers if they happen through the co-parenting regime

How to address communication with the narcissist with regard to co-parenting

What to do when the narcissist becomes problematic concerning arrangements

What to do where the narcissist involves a new partner with the children

What to expect in terms of the extent and regularity of the narcissist’s involvement in the co-parenting process

How to deal with joint decision-making, such as matters of education or health

How to handle occasions where joint appearances occur in relation to school or sporting events

Plus much more ground-breaking and supportive information.

To receive this information which costs US $ 125 for a comprehensive Assistance Package which you can access in your own time and at your own pace, simply use the PayPal button below to make payment and you will then receive a Common Sense Protocol which governs the Assistance Package and the Assistance Package itself.

Often viewed as one of the harshest outcomes from an ensnarement with a narcissist is the issue of children and co-parenting with the narcissist. A frequent question that is asked of me by many individuals who find themselves in this predicament, worn down and unsure of how to go about this in an effective manner for both themselves and also their child or children.

The most common reason given to failing to implement total no contact is the issue of shared parenting with a narcissist. The attempt to escape the nightmare of ensnarement is viewed as unachievable and increases the concern, fear and anxiety for the non-narcissist parent in feeling eternally chained.

Using HG Tudor’s established expertise with regard to the field of narcissists and narcissism, this Assistance Package addresses a wide range of matters in an easy-to-understand manner, with practical advice and tips which have been successfully used by individuals co-parenting with narcissists and all based on HG Tudor’s unrivalled understanding.

This Assistance package covers

Co-Parenting as part of your no contact regime

Tackling handover arrangements with regard to children

Reducing the risk of being hoovered because of co-parenting

Handling hoovers if they happen through the co-parenting regime

How to address communication with the narcissist with regard to co-parenting

What to do when the narcissist becomes problematic concerning arrangements

What to do where the narcissist involves a new partner with the children

What to expect in terms of the extent and regularity of the narcissist’s involvement in the co-parenting process

How to deal with joint decision-making, such as matters of education or health

How to handle occasions where joint appearances occur in relation to school or sporting events

Plus much more ground-breaking and supportive information.

To receive this information which costs US $ 125 for a comprehensive Assistance Package which you can access in your own time and at your own pace, simply use the PayPal button below to make payment and you will then receive a Common Sense Protocol which governs the Assistance Package and the Assistance Package itself.

Often viewed as one of the harshest outcomes from an ensnarement with a narcissist is the issue of children and co-parenting with the narcissist. A frequent question that is asked of me by many individuals who find themselves in this predicament, worn down and unsure of how to go about this in an effective manner for both themselves and also their child or children.

The most common reason given to failing to implement total no contact is the issue of shared parenting with a narcissist. The attempt to escape the nightmare of ensnarement is viewed as unachievable and increases the concern, fear and anxiety for the non-narcissist parent in feeling eternally chained.

Using HG Tudor’s established expertise with regard to the field of narcissists and narcissism, this Assistance Package addresses a wide range of matters in an easy-to-understand manner, with practical advice and tips which have been successfully used by individuals co-parenting with narcissists and all based on HG Tudor’s unrivalled understanding.

This Assistance package covers

Co-Parenting as part of your no contact regime

Tackling handover arrangements with regard to children

Reducing the risk of being hoovered because of co-parenting

Handling hoovers if they happen through the co-parenting regime

How to address communication with the narcissist with regard to co-parenting

What to do when the narcissist becomes problematic concerning arrangements

What to do where the narcissist involves a new partner with the children

What to expect in terms of the extent and regularity of the narcissist’s involvement in the co-parenting process

How to deal with joint decision-making, such as matters of education or health

How to handle occasions where joint appearances occur in relation to school or sporting events

Plus much more ground-breaking and supportive information.

To receive this information which costs US $ 125 for a comprehensive Assistance Package which you can access in your own time and at your own pace, simply use the PayPal button below to make payment and you will then receive a Common Sense Protocol which governs the Assistance Package and the Assistance Package itself.




 

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24 Comments

  1. HG, how would you explain the scenario in which there are two children. The black sheep does everything to please the narc parent, including outright rejecting the non-narc parent (refusing to visit etc). The golden child openly cares for and chooses to spend time with the non-narc parent, partaking in activities that specifically annoy the narc parent. Still, the golden child is praised in every which way, while the black sheep is an afterthought.

    Why does this happen? Black sheep seems to do everything the narc wants, yet is treated as second class, while the golden child defies the wishes of the narc and is treated to the permanent pedestal. Shouldn’t it be the reverse, with the black sheep being the loyal and obedient child?

    1. No.

      The Black Sheep is painted black and therefore everything they do is seen through the black lens.
      The Golden child is painted white and therefore everything they do is seen through the white lens.
      The blackened status of the Black Sheep is keeping the Golden Child golden.

      1. Is there some “normal” logic to that? Why would the golden child be golden if they seem to happily defy the narc parent’s desires? Is this because GC presents a challenge to the narc, and the narc continues to try and love bomb them into submission? Or is it facade management in front of GC, because GC (by way of lack of compliance) has not been brought under control?

        1. I have already answered that Joanne, in my last comment.

          To repeat, The Scapegoat attains this status and is painted black. This status is very, very difficult and despite apparent compliance with the desires of the parental narcissist, it is never enough. They are painted black. Thus all they do is viewed through the lens of black. Their blackness supports the white status of the golden child, who even though they may defy the narcissist, still retains white status (and thus remains golden child) because of the position of the scapegoat. It is triangulation and control is maintained through the rigid status of those in the triangle. It may change, but in the Scapegoat situation this would take a seismic shift.

          1. HG
            I think many of us must wonder how it is decided who is the golden child and who is the scapegoat. Is it simply that the golden child is deemed to be the one who can best provide the Prime Aims as they are deemed an extension of the narcissist?, or are there other factors involved? I need to revisit the Scapegoat article.

          2. Hello NA,

            It is difficult for me to be specific with regard to Joanne´s situation as I do not have all of the detail. With regard to a familial scapegoating, it can arise like this.
            1. The IPPS is devalued. The first born child is used to triangulate with the IPPS. The child is willing, not knowing any better and thus becomes the extension and tool of the narcissist. Their compliance is cemented and they do not challenge this. They become the Golden Child. There may not be any more children and the child remains golden (although that does not equate to immunity from malign manipulations but it is the IPPS who bears the brunt of those.)
            2. A second child is born. They are doomed. Why? The Golden Child is in place and the second child is unable to equal this because it is impossible owing to the narcissistic perspective. They are immediately viewed as inferior. The IPPS steps in to protect (try to protect) the second child which only makes matters worse (the scorn for the IPPS is transferred to the now disloyal and partisan (“You have taken daddy’s side therefore you are against me”) and thus the second child becomes The Scapegoat.
            3. These roles are assigned during childhood, become cemented because the children are with the narcissist for at least 18 years. One is near permanent white, the other near permanent black and thus even if the Golden Child is defiant, this is indulged with because of their status. Meanwhile the Scapegoat second child, always trying to please never can, why, because of this painted black status. It is the fact that these roles are assigned during childhood and become more or less fixed that the situation rarely changes. It needs something seismic. For instance, death of one of the children.

          3. HG
            Re: The Scapegoat

            Wow. I hadn’t even thought in terms of triangulating the first born with the IPPS and was viewing the labeling of the children by the narcissist as a completely unrelated issue based on something more specific about each child. It makes so much more sense now, and it is testament to the fact that you can be here a long time reading and still be learning something new. Your skill as an educator and the time you dedicate as often as you can to ensure that we understand fully is why you are unrivalled in your field. You are valued and appreciated. Thank you.

          4. You are welcome NA and it is gratifying to see established readers such as yourself continuing to learn. There is plenty more to come too.

          5. Thank you for the deeper explanation. I need to stop trying to make “sense” out of things that will never be sensible in my world.

          6. They key is to understand it through the material here and recognise that it will not make sense to you, not because you are stupid, but because you have a different worldview. Your worldview will fight against ours, driven by your ET.

          7. Getting there, HG. For the most part I have wrapped my head around the narc’s alternative worldview and can accept that regular logic will not apply. I’ve spent more time examining the romantic versus the parent/children dynamic so I needed the clarity. Thank you.

          8. So helpful to understand HG. Really well explained in each of your comments.

            Gosh I know of one poor child black sheep one of four to a NISS total twathead. I didn’t even know he had a fourth child because he posts all over his sm (I haven’t used an for many years now) photos of three of his four children. The other he has described as being very overweight and therefore and he has expressed to some that he is embarrassed of them. The child is 16 and the eldest. It’s prompted another question. God I feel sick in even thinking/asking and I kind of have an incling as to the answer, but would an N parent purposely overfeed their least favourite child?

            I do sometimes wish i could kidnap them all and bring them home to give them lots of love.

    2. This made me feel really sad for you Joanne. Whatever the exact situation you or another are in. It rings home. But once you learn to spend time with the people you actually want to spend time with (because they are nice and non-N) instead of trying to please people who can never be pleased, you will be free. Freedom is the best thing ever!

      1. Thank you, AS2016. This is not my scenario, although I could apply it to my own siblings in a way, in terms of what I witnessed with my N stepfather. The black sheep (my half sibling) is a narcissist. It’s very sad now that I am able to look at it through an educated perspective :(

        I was asking HG the question because I am still trying to piece together the puzzle of “my” narc’s family dynamic. (I frequently break NC to look at his public social media). It makes me sad to see how one of his children, whom I know works so hard to please him (including rejecting his mother), can never do anything right. While the other appears to be best buddies with the mother, and remains the Golden Child to the narc.

        1. It’s really hard when you watch others going through this Joanne, really hard. Sadly it goes on in all too many homes and in most cases it wouldn’t meet the threshold for further investigation. Hard as it is, I would be asking you how going on his SM is helping either you or the child? Believe me I have been there on many, many occasions and when I can help in some way, I do, whether that is as simple as taking them out for the afternoon to get some relief and special attention or if an adult chatting with them about how it makes them feel.
          I always ask myself, is there anything I can do to change/alleviate the situation? and sadly, very often the answer is no

          1. No, there is nothing I can do to help. Apart from a brief meeting, those children do not know me. And there is no good that can come out of looking at his SM either :(

          2. It’s so sad Joanne, it really is. I completely understand what you’re going through and it toook me a lot of time and practice to realise that in these circumstances it’s best to just look after myself. It’s not burying your head in the sand it’s recognising there is nothing you can do. The poor child is going to be the black sheep whether you look at his sm or not. Therefore why engage in only causing yourself pain?

Vent Your Spleen!

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