The Eight Exploitations of Empathy
You are an empathic individual. This is why we chose you. This is why we want people like you because you have certain traits which appeal considerably to us. You have traits which are ripe to be exploited by us and only someone like you can provide such an opportunity to our kind. You have certain traits which we need to exploit for our own purposes; these are eight of them
1. Trust
You cannot operate without trust. You trust us with your heart from the very outset. You readily give it to us and allow us to place our hands around it. You trust us to keep it safe and protect, unaware that our nefarious hands covet the provision of your heart. Your trust is absolute and unconditional and this enables us to exploit it repeatedly by doing as we please,acting behind your back and breaching your trust over and over again. Your reaction when you learn of our breach of this sacred trait is enormous and fuel-filled and the driver behind our need to take and shatter your trust. The concept of trust is so inviting that even though we will fracture it, we will endeavour to repair it and win it back just so we can breach it again.
2. Honesty
Your openness and honesty results in your signing your own fate by furnishing us with so much information about yourself. From your hopes and desires through to your weaknesses and vulnerabilities. You are content to detail it all to us as you live by a code of honesty, always wanting to tell the truth and for the truth to be provided to you. We know you operate by this trait and we will feign to be an honest person at the outset, free with our expressions of how we truly feel about you. How more honest can we be than to tell you that you are the person we have waited our whole lives for? Yet, honesty is for you and never for us because we operate in the shadows of dishonesty. Your honesty may be a strength in your eyes but to us it is a weakness as you have opened yourself up before us, exposing yourself to us, showing your neck to us as our forked tongue slides across our sharpest teeth.
3. Decency
You must always do the right thing. To do anything else is anathema to you and we know that this attribute of yours leaves you susceptible to our many machinations. You are polite and well-mannered. This means that you will accord with our initial overtures and listen attentively to whatever we say. You accept graciously our gifts, not realising that they are bribes to ensure you become chained to us. You always answer our calls, reply to our messages and open your door when we appear, not matter how often or how unannounced. This requirement to be civil and decent allows us to frequent you to such a degree that our charm is in and around you so often that you have no chance other than to succumb to it. You will not turn away, you will not slam the door in our faces but instead give us the toehold and time of day to weave our malign magic over you and seduce you.
4. Equality
You expect to be treated as you treat others and when the devaluation eventually commences and you find that such concepts as consideration, reciprocity and equality of treatment are missing, your alarmed and emotional response is the engine for the fuel we need. You operate by the maxim of do unto others as you would have them do unto you and thus you treat us with love, affection and kindness. Its absence by return causes you considerable consternation and upset, which enables us to draw the fuel from you in significant amounts.
5. Fidelity
To be faithful and receive fidelity in return is of significant importance to you. Your own dedication to the ideal of faithfulness means that we have little concern that you will have your head turned by others, no matter how badly we treat you. You will not transgress this ideal, even though you may suspect or even know of our own flagrant disregard for the concept of fidelity, you will remain true to it. It pains you, it hurts you but as a person of principle you will abide by it. You do not do this through any notion of pride or to seek some kind of accolade, but you do it because it is part of you. A constituent part of your moral fibre and full in the knowledge of this sterling attribute of yours, we shall do as we please with little concern that you will treat us in the same way.
6. Tenacity
You do not give up. You exhibit an indefatigable spirit which invades every element of who you are. You will not give up on the idea of you and me. You will do whatever it takes to please me, to win back my golden grace which you once delighted in. You will hang in there determined to ensure we get back on track. You will not walk away because to do so would be to admit failure and this is not something that you can countenance. No matter how bad the abuse, no matter how terrible your treatment, you will cling on as a consequence of this trait. We are well aware of this and welcome such a tenacious approach, for it provides with a guarantee of your attention and support.
7. Healing
You desire to heal and to fix is perhaps one of your most notable traits. The desire to nourish the good in people and bring it to the fore. You believe that everybody is capable of becoming better, including yourself which is why you are so selfless and giving. You strive to find the ways of making a situation better for somebody, you want to make the sad person become happy, the worried person calm and to ease the concerns of all you come across. Most of all you want to fix us because you believe we can be fixed. We will not disavow you of such a notion, not at all, it serves our purposes to keep you thinking that you can make a difference.
8. Loving
Your love is immense. Unconditional, vast and seemingly unending. Like the largest reservoir, your love is that which we must ensnare and once achieved we drink from it with an unending thirst. You are devoted to the idea of love and we will exploit this repeatedly. We exert control over you by suggesting to you that you must not love us if you will not do that what we want. We test your love for us by placing immense demands upon you knowing that you will always rise to the challenge. Your love for us is such that it is sweeter than that which might be obtain from others but it also remains intact for far, far longer. It endures the torrid devaluation and the heartless abandonment so that we know we can count on being able to come back once again and take hold of your love yet again for our own unsavoury and malicious purposes.
80 thoughts on “The Eight Exploitations of Empathy”
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I have all those things and I get stepped on by others .
Spot on
HG, If you belong to Isis you view women as property-and treat them similar to a narc male. HG. ..your brain is somewhat prehistoric and barbaric in its thinking and perspective . You also have to hide your perspective at first to get a woman now days since times have changed and women’s rights have changed . It was the norm not too long ago to view and get away with treating women like narcs do . Do you think maybe empaths brains are more advanced for human survival , now and for the future “population” breeding . Or …empaths and narcs have always been one of the struggles of the human condition ? I’m wondering historically your thoughts. I realize there are female narcs too …and male empaths. Parents treating children like property also …put them to work at early ages instead of school …Was there more narcissism in the past ? You don’t need to post this …this is something that Bothers me. I know you don’t get into the male / female thing ?
Narcissists and empaths have always existed, will always exist and just because certain rights have changed does not make it any harder for narcissists (of both genders) to ensnare and mistreat victims. I do not see women as property, I see everybody as my property. This is not a gender specific issue.
HG. …I was wondering which brain you think is more contemporary , the empaths or the narcs? Which brain is older or has been around longer in history.
Neither.
HG, do you know if empaths can be dominant Personalities , and dominant forces of energy in a society ?
HG, Darwin said it’s those who are more responsive to change who survive. Would you say an N is better at adapting to change? Or no?
A narcissist is better at adapting to ensure the imposition of control. That is what a narcissist is created to do.
It seems as though one cannot exist without the other.
You’ve said somewhere before that there are more narcissist men. You really think so? I used to think this—until I started to see more of what I now believe may be narcissist women.
No, I’ve said it’s roughly equal
HG. i find women are harder to spot though. I can usually pick out the lesser/midrange men a lot easier .
Pati—I’m seeing more and more. Also, I was incredibly perplexed by a few people and it occurred to me if you keep watching they tell on themselves.
Would you date Taylor Swift?
I don’t need to
How about 8 hours. You choose. Spend the day with Taylor or your mother.
Taylor.
She will seduce you. By hour 3.
Yeah yeah.
Is Kenny Chesney a narcissist?
I have not analysed him.
I’m not a “country music”’fan per se—but he is an excellent performer and he is single. He has a ton of money. This could be a win/win. You analyze and I’ll seduce him. That entire Zellweger thing was his only blemish. If I’m successful in the seduction you get half of the proceeds. I only thought of this because of an announcement for an event he’s headlining. I heard it on the radio.
My understanding was that Zellweger was Chesney’s beard.
Oh my!
What a fun day! 8 hours with Taylor?!? I’m in!!
Taylor can teach me guitar. I was going to YouTube it anyway.
You won’t be able to learn in 8 hours Lorelei. YT is the way to go.
I can imagine a night on the town with a Greater Narcissist is the most fun I could have in my life!
SM looks prettier and more classy .
Pati, I’m even more of a magnet for female Ns! I can help you spot them.
Any tips on what to look out for from your experience.
One thing I have noticed they are users.
Female Narcissist Tipoff: To keep Her control in the workplace, the Female Narcissist Peer will flatter and fawn over you when you enter Her worksphere as a new employee.
She will mirror you to the extent that She gets all your necessary information. She will try to become best friends fast. Her flattery of you will be minimal, because, of course, She will have to tell you all about Herself and Her power over Her colleagues (ehem, Her lieutenants).
She will give you offerings: of secret information, of food, of little gifts that She happened to get for you while She was out shopping for Herself, of assistance at your job, of invitations to go drinking after work. Her offerings will come with expectation of you to do things as they have been done, to not introduce any innovation, to comply with all unspoken and unknown rules, to not ruffle any feathers.
As long as you do not give in to her flattery, politely decline her offerings and keep your information about yourself to a minimum, the Female Narcissist Peer will do everything in Her power to drive you out, starting with the reneging of all Her offerings and the addition of a major Smear Campaign, along with a dash of Silent Treatment here and there.
My Advice: Since She will do what She wants anyway, play along with the Female Narcissist Peer in the beginning (as She is establishing a Golden Period) and as much work and secret information out of Her as you can before She begins Her Devaluation of you.
No. If you spot the individual is a narcissist, apply GOSO. “Playing along” and thinking you can extract the work and secret information beforehand is emotional thinking. You are being impaled on The Narcissist´s Pitchfork.
Thank you, HG, for smashing my advice to pieces.
I’m glad I wrote bad advice to be reminded of the correct advice. I guess that’s why I cannot yet leave this site for any lengthy period.
Off to reread The Narcissist’s Pitchfork . . .
I am provider of the best information, I am the purveyor of logic, I am the slayer of emotional thinking. I am HG Tudor and I provide you with the solutions.
You certainly do HG.
Please take care of yourself, you do way too much. You have your blog,,consualtions ,work and your private life. You are only one person I dont know how you do this congratulations!
We need you more than you can imagine.
My gosh, HG! You sound like a Super Hero! 🦸♂️
I am an Ultra.
But, of course.
Ultra caring too lol
100% HG ! GOSO is the only way to go however If this person works in HR it is very hard to avoid completely. I would go in the office with a flat expression when I had a question e.g. vacation pay etc.
HG—do you basically ignore narcissists as well? Is that your “go to?”
I suppose if they annoy us they annoy you.
I ignore many, especially the small group that show up here and in my inbox. Some in my off blog life are utilised to serve my purposes.
You can use them as lieutenants.
I made a huge mistake doing this.
The female N that I suspected, came aboard my family. Bought gifts for my kids, and got close to my N husband . She would do anything . I actually stopped talking to her altogether . She ended up moving ,I believe she got the message.
She got evil.
Shes out of my life
I see some mothers at the daughters school.
Pati
You’ll get there spotting the females. I must admit I do still have a blind side about them.
I thought there were more Male than female narcissists as well. Even now the prejudice is still there for me as most victims I come across are women in het relationships. But it could be that men are just more overt with their narcissism and women are more likely to hide behind other diagnoses. Very rarely does anyone get diagnosed with NPD. People with any kind of behavioural issues usually get diagnosed with depression, PTSD, adjustment disorder and BPD.
I usually get stuck when trying to work out who the primary source is.
HG said that a narc can’t function for very long without a primary source.
I know a woman who is very manipulative and controlling. She doesn’t have any close friends and doesn’t have a partner. I’m pretty certain she is a narcissist but she appears not to have a primary source. Unless maybe in her mind one of her male lovers is her primary source but in their mind she’s just a woman they shag and forget about.
Renarde: I find the women more difficult to spot, because I expect them to be extra, extra pretty. One of the Narc`s 4 Lieutenants, the one I call the Bully, attractive enough, and tall, and a nice complexion, and younger than I am, did an odd thing when I added one of his other locations to my schedule, in addition to the home base. That female hated me immediately when I started going to that location, when she saw him talking and laughing with me and she even asked me, how do you know him, and I told her, from another location. First of all, I am just normally attractive with a few very good looking days thrown in the mix at times, and I am friendly offline. In short, I am very friendly and I am not a threatening type of female. However, when I arrived at this location where this woman was around the Narcississt, she went and had gastric bypass surgery to remove her extra weight (she was not that heavy and it is a crime that doctors gave her that surgery that should be for the dangerously obese, etc. ) and created a new hairstyle, and new clothing, and started dressing like me, and attempted to befriend me while she was dripping in venom and hostility towards me, at the same time. And, she was married, and said she had to change jobs in the past because there was too much temptation at her last job, she kept saying in front of everyone, as she started flirting very aggressively with the Narcissist and she even started touching him all the time. She did all that change because she didn’t realize that it was not the way that I looked that the Narcissist liked me. And there was no competition needed needed against me at all. And his wife is young and beautiful and he was surrounded by extra beautiful women, and she knew all of this. It was about fuel with him. I had my own brand of fuel and of course, she had hers. Nothing too much for him to handle, whatsoever. But for some ODD reason her jealousy of me sent her into some form of magical thinking that pushed her into a NOW event and she did all that to her body and to her self to change herself over night, practically. And as a female Narcississt, she went into this huge competition with me that was totally uncalled for and unnecessary. And now when she wears extra tight and formholding clothing, she looks like a model. But, sadly, now her skin hangs down on her and people that were brave, (she remained a bully and a smearer and a gossiper and many feared her), were telling her that she has to and she must immediately work out all the time with weights and eat more protein and things like that after losing weight too quickly like that, for the sake of her hanging skin to try to pull her hanging skin back into place. True story. I am so glad I am away from that absolute nightmare matrix. GOSO.
I know I did plenty of Magical Thinking in my relationship with Narcx. It’s very easy to do when you do not know or understand narcissism.
Thanks to HG . . . POOF! Magical Thinking is gone!
Hello Lisk, your thinking was not magical, that is what narcissists engage in, it was Emotional Thinking misleading you and indeed causing you to believe it was magical thinking when it was not.
Greatly appreciate this correction, HG.
I must revisit my Thinking studies.
You are most welcome Lisk and the fact that you accept it in the spirit of understanding (which is the spirit in which it was made demonstrates the use of logic over ET). HG approves.
HG, why does our emotional thinking always take over when we know logic I have a hard time with this one even though I do consider myself a bright person. I do know right from wrong.
For several reasons which are too detailed to explain in a blog comment. This is one of many reasons why consulting is invaluable, because I can explain such things to you, in detail and ensure you understand.
Agreed , I need to tackle this on my everyday living. I need to know what type of Empath I am that will help me in my life . Thank you so much
Magical thinking examples?
A pervasive one is believing that every person of the opposite sex fancies the narcissist. Another is believing that everybody seeks the narcissists assistance or that the narcissist is highly regarded by all of his or her colleagues.
Great HG—the narcissist believing everyone fancies them sexually (as they see fit) is a great example of maybe why unattractive narcissists carry on as they do. It’s humorous. I’m sure that the ladies here can testify to advances from men that look about as interesting as earth worms! (And men are probably baffled in their own way) by why a woman with Mariah Carey bubble boobs and two inches of facial accents is hitting on them! These people don’t realize how they come across! Thank you. I’m amused by the vision of a police officer that has messaged me on messenger, and he’s lacking all qualities of consideration except for the fact that he is breathing. He does breathe unfortunately—often out of breath in fact.
Now—have you ever had to eat humble pie when maybe someone just wasn’t reciprocating? No ding on you—it’s as easy as some people are very good at sensing nefarious energy and may have turned away..
Humble Pie is never on the Tudor menu.
More like devils food cake
They aren’t extra pretty. I have a narcissist female in my neighborhood with a Buffalo hump. I’d kill myself.
Lorelei: Afterwards, Taylor`s new hit album would have the esoteric title: `Soulmate Alibis`
Lisk: I very very very rarely say such a thing, but HG sounds rather `Hot` today. yes? Whew: ` I am HG Tudor… I am an Ultra.` That`s right HG! And you know it is true. And that fact makes how you sound, even hotter. So, please go easy on some of us, Dearest HG. We are not all of equal strength in these matters. ~~PSE
Lorelei: Regarding the 3 hours, the scenario would go something like this: ~~~HG: Taylor is not that bad in person. So, in about 3 hours, after I have worked a bit on my Site, and wrapped up a few other things, and have found that good pen I recently misplaced, I will allow and schedule on my planner for Taylor`s oppressive and incredibly obvious and surprisingly awkward attempt to seduce me, to finally succeed in her mind. ~Taylor: I will seduce him, I will, I will, although oddly he is resisting me, and hopefully before this day ends, because I am tiring from all of his stubborn resistance to all of my lovely efforts and creative hints. ~~~HG: Okay…. work done and errands done, and I found that mischievous pen, and so now I will permit Taylor to `seduce` me now, right now, at the 3 hour mark as written by me earlier on my planner. ~Taylor: (post intimate activity) I knew I would break his will. I did it. I broke him. He could not resist my efforts after all! No one can! I am undefeated! I am champion! I am queen of the world! ~~HG: to himself while looking at her sleepy and vain smile, True Score: HG Tudor – 1 and Taylor Swift – 0. As it should be, dear readers, of course. >THE END. An excerpt from the publication: The World of the Narcississt. Coming soon to a bookstore near you.
Lovely Princess! Especially the “mischievous pen!” “Oddly he is resisting me!”
I’ve heard she’s gay as a maypole and all these relationships are just beards and excuse to write songs. Who knows.
I bet she’s enticing in bed. It’s part of the whole narcissist thing.
I don’t get it. I do not find TS attractive at all. I would never be envious of her in terms of her looks—maybe her money, but not her looks.
She is not naturally gorgeous but she is cute and takes care of herself. I would sleep with her on an uneventful day, but if I had things to do it wouldn’t bother me to forgo the interlude. Just my thoughts. My pick is Emily Blunt.
The Shieldmaiden is a blonde Emily Blunt.
Emily Blunt is way prettier than Taylor Swift.
HG who do you resemble ?
Logic.
Yes I know you are a logic man. But can you give me a hint .
I think Emily Blunt is good in any shade she chooses. She swaps around her hair quite a bit.
@violetta
Hmm I don’t think Taylor is gay but probably some of the guys she has dated are.
There is a saying “the only difference between a gay person and a straight person is a few drinks.”
Now y’all have got me watching a Taylor swift interview but nah… can’t imagine her with a woman she’s too stiff. She comes across like she would ask “how do two women have sex?”
Equally opportunity–we are all fair game.
Great Answer HG
mollyb5,
the gender thing is not as much related to narcissism here are the main reasons i observed
_ most of sexist men are actually weaklings who need women to be stupid and weak in order for them to make the contrast and appear smart and manly.
_some do really believe that women are by nature inferior and due to their very limited inteligence they lake the capacity to question their beliefs.
_some are raised in religious families and countries and they are too afraid to question god’s word ( he has a verry big carrot and an equally big stic, it helps convincing people).
_some do know women are just like men but they are afraid to be judged by the brethren.
and my honnest personal opinion is that most women don’t help their cause, i observed that men judge women and women judge women so the other men will like them.