Seven Lies For Seven Others

 

SEVEN LIES FOR SEVEN OTHERS

The lies we tell with reference to other people.

  1. She is just a friend

Oh no she is not. Whilst it is entirely the case that we will have friends, both in the inner and outer circles who are of the opposite sex, you should be aware that whilst that may be their current status, in terms of their ability to provide us with fuel, they once had a different status. The key word here is “just”. We say this to emphasise that this person is a friend and nothing more so don’t think you can pin any blame on us. The reality is that this person was once an intimate partner and has been demoted to a friend but is very much still in play. We keep them hanging on in the hope that they believe they will be reinstated and thus they keep providing us with fuel. Secondly, she will be used to triangulate with you both now as friend v you as intimate partner and later as reinstated intimate partner v you as discarded intimate partner. She will be keen to usurp you because she wants us again. She wants the golden period again. She is the competition and we encourage it.

  1. She’s just a friend, again.

Look who is back? Actually she is not, she is someone else but she fits in the mould of being described as “just a friend” to you in order to deflect those accusing looks you are giving us. Once again this person will be an inner or outer circle friends, maybe “just” an acquaintance but we have plans for her. This is your replacement who we are busy seducing, as we once did with you. This is the person who will be providing us with fresh and invigorating fuel after we have cast you down from your pedestal. It is coming, believe me. This is the competition. Again.

  1. I am so proud of my son/daughter

I am a high achiever and I expect my children to follow in my foot-steps, after all, they are just a part of me, extensions of me and I expect them to do as I desire, rather than find their own way in life. I will push them to succeed at school, in sports, with music and so forth because their achievements are actually my achievements. My son graduated with honours; he gets his brains from me. My daughter won the county athletic championships; I was always an excellent runner. Those achievements are down to me and I will take all of the credit for them , pulling the spotlight away from them and onto me where it belongs. I am not proud of them at all. I am proud of myself.

  1. She abused me

Your predecessor was a horrible person. I did everything that I could for her. Everything. I gave my all for our relationship and how was I repaid? Lies, control and abuse. She stopped me seeing my friends, stole money from me, told lies to my boss so I lost my job, hit me and made my life an absolute misery. I escaped her and she came after me because she cannot ever let me go. She will always want to cause me problems. She seems to thrive on it. There is clearly something very wrong with her since she behaves in this way. If you ever meet her, watch out, she will tell you all manner of lies about me. Don’t believe anything she says, she is evil, pure evil.

Did I mean my ex? I was talking to myself again there.

  1. He is a close and personal friend

Yes that famous actor over there. Do you see him? Yes, that’s him. He is a close and personal friend of mine. I have known him for years. He thinks I am great. We have such a great time together. Of course he is often busy so we do not see as much of one another as we would both like, but when we do, boy do we have a fantastic time. I could tell you a few stories about him, but of course I won’t, I am the model of discretion you see. We met at a film premiere some years ago, I forgot which one precisely, but we hit it off straight away. I always do with people, I am just a people person really, great at connecting with people. I know quite a few famous people to be honest but I do not like to talk about it too much. Will I go and say hello? Of course, he will be probably come over to talk to me in a minute after he has spoken to his fans. He likes to get his obligations out of the way before talking to his real friends. Let me tell you about some other famous people I am friends with whilst we are waiting.

  1. My family are trouble

It is a terrible fact but my family are trouble. I wish it was not the case. I wish they were more like yours. You seem to have such a good relationship with your parents and your brother. I don’t have that with mine. It is all down to jealousy you see. Terrible isn’t it? Do feel free to feel sorry for me. Good, thank you. Yes, I have always been the achiever of the family and for some reason, rather than support me and praise me for my endeavours I get nothing but insults, cold shoulders and nastiness. No matter how hard I try, no matter what I do, it is always the same. I get no recognition for the sacrifices I make. I get no understanding or compassion because they are all self-obsessed, too busy screaming “Look at me” to care about me. I haven’t had it easy you know? I may appear successful and brilliant but it has been a tough slog to the top and they have not helped one bit. I hate them. I know I shouldn’t say that about them but you would say the same if you had been treated the way I had. I am afraid you will have to meet them at some point, they will seem all sweetness and light at first, but don’t be fooled. They are evil underneath.

  1. He is a liar

Him? Oh we were once really good friends but not anymore, not after what he did to me. I lent him some money, quite a lot actually. He had hit a difficult time with his job and this meant that his bills were not being paid, at least that is what he told me. I later found out he had gambling debts and rather than use the money I lent him to clear those debts. I would not have minded to be honest, he went and gambled it away and made the debt larger. He came back with some sob story about needing the money for a medical bill and me being the caring fool I am was taken in. What did he really want it for? Oh you guessed it, more gambling. I am such an idiot but I cannot help but try and help people out. I had to say no to him after that and do you know what his response was? Rather than understand and be thankful for all the help that I have given him, he starts telling people that I am the one who owes him money. Can you believe it? That’s why I have nothing to do with him. He lies all the time so watch out as he is bound to try and turn you against me. Thank goodness I got to you first.

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8 Comments

  1. FYC- i broke no contact yesterday and did a face to face with my ex N. it was a good exercise if dangerous. I spotted so many red flags. Deflections, gaslighting, pity plays, blame shifting, triangulations. If I hadn’t read HG I too would be ooozing empathy and wanting to help him out of his current mess. It also helped when HG told me he was a MRN not the Greater I had him down as. All the whining and automated behaviour made sense after that.
    I won’t be seeing him again and I’m pleased that I felt little although cross that I fuelled him.

    1. Hello Em, I am sorry to hear you broke no contact for any reason. It might scratch an itch to confirm something, but no real good comes from breaking no contact. It is good to know that you saw the red flags at least. Even though you did not pour out empathy, you no doubt unwittingly supplied fuel. HG is the master of all N knowledge and I am certain his classification of your ex is spot on. I am very glad to hear you will not see your N again. Clear your contacts with him so it is a non issue. No need to ever dip a toe in the now emotional dead sea.

      With regard to your comment on the old new IPPS, you are looking for logic that does not exist. If you were left by the N for the new IPPS, it was because: 1) He believed she offered more or better fuel, 2) He believed she offered residual benefits, 3) He felt your fuel had become stale and not as fulfilling.

      His telling you they had such wonderful times in their early relationship is very predictable. He was trying to elicit negative fuel from you and manipulate you. He was also caught up in their golden period at the time. When they were golden, you were horrible in comparison and she was everything. Time passes and the new source wises up. Conflict and challenges ensue. Control falters and fuel wanes. She leaves or he does. Magically, his new position and communication with you is she does not do for him what you did. Laughably transparent hoover attempt.

      Congrats on moving on, Em. Give no further energy to anything he said, says, did or does. Cut all ties and don’t look back. You are worth so much more. Someone who will truly value you is in your future. Just keep reading here and steer clear of Ns.

  2. ‘The relationship ended because she didn’t want to come on holiday with me or visit me enough’
    Excuse/lie about the most recent IPPS.
    In the beginning he raved about her and all the things they did together.

  3. Clearly some families are not as empathic and kind as others, and one can say truthfully, “You have such a wonderful family”. The rest of #1 is a pity play and pathetic. I never talk about my N family members IRL. Why relive anything? Besides, I feel sorry for them and would not want pity. Better to focus on positive things. I used to pour out empathy when faced with a N pity play. Post HG, these manipulations do not work. I am very thankful for the difference you have made HG.

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