A Question of Trust
We are able to do what we do because of a particularly fundamental trait that we look for in the people that we target; trust. We look for those who place particular reliance on trust and then we abuse that trust. Most people operate on a basis of trust. If they did not, the world would grind to a halt. Trust lubricates so many transactions between people whether those transactions are social, financial or emotional. When somebody tells you,
“I like your shirt it suits you.”
You trust them to be telling you the truth. If you did not do so, you would stop and cross examine them as to why they like it in order to evaluate whether you believe their comment to be a true one or not. You trust the company from which you make a purchase to deliver when they say they will and that the product will be fit for purpose. You trust your colleagues to do their jobs effectively so you can also fulfil your obligations.
You trust the police to maintain law and order, if you did not, there would be anarchy and rife vigilantism. It is axiomatic that there has to be trust otherwise everything would be slowed down or stopped as people evaluated, analysed, questioned and verified. Trust is evident everywhere and there is no greater trust than that which is expected in an intimate relationship.
People trust their partner to have their best interests at heart, to trust them not to do something to hurt them, to trust them to be faithful and loving. We know that in order for you to love in the way that you do, that deep and unconditional love, there must be trust. You approach your relationships with this trust held out in front of you, a symbol of good intent. You presume that everyone else that you will engage with will also adopt a similarly trusting stance. You expect them to reciprocate this trust. You trust that they will trust.
You are not a cynic. You do not operate in the realm of suspicion and mistrust. To do so would be admitting defeat and would tarnish the ideal of love that you are committed to. You accept much at face-value. That is not to label you as naïve, that would be unduly harsh, for as I have mentioned, many people operate on the basis of trust and so they must. You apply this trust to your dealings with those that you fall in love, led to believe by us that this trust will be reciprocated, that it will not be breached, betrayed or damaged.
You are a truth seeker. You apply honesty in all your dealings and the taint of lies and dishonesty offends you considerably. The stench of our deceit, the rank odour of our mendacity is great but the perfumed veil we cast over such dark and dangerous deceptions is such that the malodorous warning never nears you. You are conned into believing that we tell you the truth when we first encounter you.
We behave with such conviction, the air of confidence we exude, seemingly unquestionable and unimpeachable. We look you in the eye, those unseen mirrors reflecting back at you your earnest trust so that you see what you require. You look upon supposed honesty, apparent openness and this maintains your sense of trust.
By trusting you believe that you will get the truth. That our love will be true, that our intentions are truthful, that our fidelity is real and we govern our interactions with you under the mantle of truth. You trust that all of this will happen because we make you think you can trust us.
We will reference those who have let us down, those who have betrayed us and in so doing we hold up our own reliance upon trust in order to receive your trust. See how we have trusted others and they let us down? We have always trusted beforehand and so you can be assured that we want to gain your trust and you shall have ours. It is all carefully orchestrated to channel one of the fundamental tenets by which you abide.
When we gain that trust and we do so easily, you enable us to take this valuable commodity and apply our own veneer to it, reinforcing it and demonstrating to you just how much we value it. As a fellow disciple in trust this enables us to conduct ourselves in a way which ensures we are above suspicion. When we meet with a member of the opposite sex and explain she or he is just a friend and it is a friendly drink you have no reason to think otherwise. You trust us. When we tell you that we are working late. You trust us. When we borrow money from you. You trust us. When we tell you that we are using the contraceptive pill. You trust us. When we tell you that we love you and have never loved anybody like this before – you trust us.
Trust equals the truth. We then abuse your trust by carrying out our treacherous acts. We court other partners and shatter your trust. As you sit at home watching television thinking we are working hard for our future we are philandering and sliding our tendrils around a fresh prospect.
When you are making that dinner for us both, looking forward to an evening together, I am showering in a hotel as I seek to wash away the scent of the person I have just coupled with. When you check your bank balance and consider what you will do with the return on the investment that I talked about so you lent me the money, your hard-earned money is being used to impress someone else so that they fall into my clutches. We take this very thing that is of such central importance to you and we abuse it. We disrespect and we trade it just like a commodity.
When you eventually realise your trust has been shattered and this has happened repeatedly. When you finally wake up and join the dots. When you see the flagrant breaches of your trust, when the evidence is irrefutable and painful, we may well have gone. Not only have we abused your trust but we have left without explanation or reason, leaving you to deal with the aftermath alone as we move on to the next target and begin gaining their trust.
Like any confidence trickster it is necessary for us to gain trust before we are able to abuse it. Not only do we hurt you repeatedly through these actions we do so to such an extent, with so many people and with so many people aware of it, other than you until the last moment. This wide-ranging and wholesale desecration of trust, this tarnishing and defacing of the truth leaves you broken and unable to face the totality of the truth. You cannot comprehend that you have been conned so extensively and so often.
You cannot bear the sensation that arises from having been made to look so foolish. You held your trust up as something to be proud of and now you are left to rue your reliance on this as you hear the repeated comments of “Told you so”, “Didn’t you notice?” and “You are too trusting.” You equate trust with the truth. Our abuse of your trust causes you to not want to accept the truth of what we have done.
49 thoughts on “A Question of Trust”
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I’m just posting this here for convenience though the topic is not directly related. I am appalled. After a year and 5 months of NC during which I have received anonymous calls to my cell phone and some creepy messages on my work phone, today, I got a visit hoover. I was about to leave my house and was standing at the door with my dog, when I saw his car drive down the street (I live at the end of a cul de sac), then turn around, then stop in front of my house for a few seconds and finally leave. It was him, I have no doubt. 1) what kind of reaction is he looking for? I honestly don’t give a shit he can waste as much gas as he wants to 2) why now? HG, you know he’s a “type A” UL. This is not typical of his school, right? Why is he doing this now? Could it be because he has seen my lecture announced? But why would a lesser bother to come to my house? Is this malign? I’m scared.
SP…the fact that he hooverd you suprised me but does not. The fact that I can hear the ET rising from your post scares the living hell out of me.
And he did it becasue there was a HT and HEC was met. And the main reason is he is a NARC!!!!!
Take care…I am so sorry this happened to you. I can hear the panic……….. HUGS!
Thank you, Kim e. I am mostly worried he is stalking me when I believed he would just focus on another target because he’s a lesser and therefore, lazy. I also thought he would never come up to being near my house. He has tried to hoover me at his workplace when I was working for a while for a collaboration, and at my workplace immediately post-escape. He must be bored, must be low in supply, and my invited talk must have reminded him that I exist. This is BS.
SweetP
You might consider Understanding Malice Campaigns if you think that is a possibility, if only to rule it out and ease your fear. Just a thought.
I have it, NA. I don’t want to reveal the content, but after reading it, I felt much more calm. However, the driving past my house yesterday confused me.
SP…..Well HG has always said that when we escape and they cant find us in the normal ways they will change up tactics. Not really sure how much being a L has to do with it. Just that the HEC was met.
Just ignore him….I know easier said than done at times…..he should get board and look for fresh meat!!!!
Just think how that victim felt when HG hoovered after 12 YEARS!!! Talk about freaking out a person……
Good Lcuk and vent here any time you need to. I do and just having people that get it helps.
SweetP
You sound conflicted. You say you don’t give a shit but you’re scared. What is the fear?
I know NA. I don’t give a shit in the sense that there’s absolutely nothing he can do to make me contact him again. I won’t. My ET is not begging to go back with him, although sometimes it makes me feel sad we lost our “friendship.” But I’m scared of him trying to retaliate in any form, trying to hurt my dog or damage my property or telling my husband (this one I doubt). I basically thought he would stay at a distance. Calling and leaving empty messages is one thing, but driving past my house is getting way too close.
SweetP
Don’t worry. He’s probably just out driving around with his window open to feel his long hair flowing once more before it all falls out. Did you see his face? There should be more to see with that receding hairline.
Hahahaha thank God I’m nearsighted, NA! I recognized his car, but I was at a safe distance to be able to appreciate such an embarrassing sight!
SP, what kind of a lecture are you giving, is it an open one? Can he turn up there?
DH, it’s not open to the general public but he can attend if he wants to. Plus the person who invited me is married to his best friend. And you may ask, why did you accept? Well, because I’m alive and I care about my career and this is an honor I’m not gonna turn down just because of this son of a motherfucker.
HG,
I was really trying to save Narc Tales 2 for future reading,( I was saving it for after surgery in a few weeks ) however since everyone including yourself have mentioned it often since it’s release I just can’t wait any longer! Lol 🙃
FM1T, you know you can read it over and over, right? My best wishes for a speedy recovery!
Thanks MB. I’ve actually have been saving a few of HGs books, so I’ll be fine. 🙃😘
SURGERY!?
No worries! I’ll be fine. 😘💞
But is it serious? I’ve never had surgery so it sounds serious to me. I hope it’s quick and easy! 😘
Oh Sweetest it’s not serious dear. It’s out patient surgery. I should be up and around in a few weeks. Thank you for your concern. 😘💞
There is a plus side to this! I can catch up on all of HGs books that I have been hoarding away! Lol🙃
your Kind have made it so that I don’t really trust anyone any more I’m always second-guessing people the worst part of your kind you can’t look at them and just know they are everywhere In all classes of people some of the worst ones I’ve ever met a very unassuming it’s how they get away with it if anyone sees something They don’t want to believe about that person because of how they perceive them in the first place They try and give themselves plausible Excuses I don’t have any judgement on this it’s been me In the past distant and not so distant I wish it was as you make it to be But even normal people have narcissistic traits so do empaths So catching someone on a bad day could be something that would set off a red flag there is no avoiding your kind there’s only dealing with someone you have to the reason empathic people try and it so hard is because we don’t want to be like you we want to be better versions of ourselves but even that has a narcissistic side because whether we are a narcissist an empath we both suffer with the one problem PRIDE
Pride is only an issue when it is hijacked by your emotional thinking and corrupted. See Narc Tales 2.
actually what gets me in trouble when it comes to trust, is that if i don’t see why someone would lie in this particular situation, i decide that i can trust them. I always faile to realise that even if i don’t see any reason, it doesn’t mean there is none.
i loved him, i had no interest in anybody else, so i thought it must be the same for him, and if he loves somebody else, he could just tell, we are not binded by any legal contract, it didn’t crosse my minde that he would like to have me AND somebody else.
i spoted many lies but they were all meant to impress me, i fond them rather cute and didn’t question his intensions.
Liza. Is this Death Note Liza? My computer no longer gives me the Avatar photos. If so, I finished all 37. If not, kindly disregard.
PSE,
i don’t have the avatar pics too.
what did you think of death note? wasn’t L’s death horrible, i almost stoped watching at that point but Near convinced me to continue.
Liza: I was surprised, but I already heard that it is the `it thing` to do in drama these days to kill off popular characters, plus that new little replacement helped to keep the momentum and flavor going strong for me. So, now I am researching another series to watch. I think I heard of one called Gantz that caught my eye, plus there is one called One Outs, but I have to look more into it. But, Death Note was a great series. I watched it in English Dubbed. Any other recommendations that you watched and enjoyed?
i’m really happy you enjoyed it!!!
if you want something more dark, i suggest Monster, Berserk, Hellsing, Atack on titan, Fullmetal alchemist ( if you want the canon version watch the one made by madehouse studio)or Tokyo ghoul.
if you want more lite and cheerfull style and with a lot of combat then, One piece, Naruto, Bleach, beelzebub, katekyo hitman reborn, assasination classroom, yu yu hakusho and of course Hunter x Hunter ( a master piece, it’s starts prety lite and become gradually serious, watch the 2011 versions, the 1999 version is good but is not really canon to the manga).
and if you like a girly thing with love stories, Vampire knight, lovely complex, Nana.
god i can’t chose, watch /read them all !!!
Liza. Thanks! Monster comes up over and over and Full Metal Chemist, and Attack on Titan, that Hunter x Hunter sounds good and I want to try One Outs (I like baseball) and Gantz?, but I am not looking for anything too cheery nor love stories really. I found a page where people are comparing them all, and that is a lot of reading just to go through all that, so I am okay for now. I plan to start a new one maybe week and keep you posted. Death Note was so good. Very thought provoking, especially after the first episode. The fist episode was slowish, and I was worried, then surprsed that the second episode started moving so quickly and never stopped throughout the entire series. Most series do not work that way. So, I like that one: and nothing too cheery and no love stories really. Thank you for your suggestions. Liza, I hope you are not watching too many love stories. That stuff can mess up our logical emotions and feed our Emotional Thinking and we surely do not need more of THAT. Please.
one out, i never watched but i have a friend who said that it is good, if you like sports mangas i only watched kuroko no basket and eishield 21 i liked them, but i really i’m not in sport things.
Gantz, first time i hear about it, i read the synopsis, sounds cool i will watch it.
haha ,i am absolutely not into love stories, especially note in mangas, the caracters are too cliché and poorely writen, i prefer faling in love with my shonen vailains, but they have the verry bad habit of killing them T_T so i always end up as a widow in the middle of the series.
ah i forgot to tel you, watch Psychopass, the series is short and it is verry thriling.
Liza. For some reason, even though ONE OUT has to do with baseball, it keeps coming up in searches saying that people that like Death Note will also like ONE OUT, so please keep it on your list, even though it is a sports one, because it is possible that there is more to it than the sport. I heard about Gantz once, and never again, so I am glad you found a Synopsis. So, I did hear correctly and it is called Gantz, thank you, and it is now officially on my list. Psycho Pass is mentioned a lot. And you say it is a short series, but thrilling? Good. Short is good for me right now since Death Note was 37 episodes, and so I was burned out a little when I finished binge watching it, but it was worth it. It was a great introduction for me to this anime/manga genre of film. Thank you.
I started watching death not in the afternoon, and evrytime i say it is the last episode and i will stop, i couldn’t, the suspens was too much, i pouled an allnighter and in the morning my eyes were hurting like hell, when my mom saw me i was forbiden of any screen for a week, but it was totaly worth it.
yes it is short, the first season contains 22 episodes, and the second only 11.
it is always a pleasure for me to discuss manga and animes so i also thank you.
Liza. Binge watching is so embarrassing. I did the same with Death Note. And since each episode is around 25 minutes, it was so easy for me to say, just one more. So embarrassing.
PSE,
here is where we desagree, it is embarassing when you get caught, no, embarassing is not the right world, facing the consequences of being caught is troublsome, but now, my mother eventualy gave up and my father had always been on my team as long as i do well at school, and since i’m already 24 she can’t realy prevent me from having my way, so i can shamlesly spend all my free time playing and watching/reading all i want.
Liza. Sounds like my lucky life, and then I see all that HG Tudor does and I know I better find some substantive stuff to do. I still have some shame and guilt left, post entanglement, thankfully. But, my feeling of ambition, took a huge hit from it all, Liza. But, I am very glad you are enjoying some freedom, just do not become too addicted to it, without a hobby or some big dream to aim for. I am speaking to myself as well. I like decorating, and whenever someone comes to my smallish studio apartment, (not that small for NYC, as far as that goes) they AWAYS say, Wow. Yesterday, some tech guy came over from a cable company to switch my cable internet provider, and he never said anything, about the apartment. No, wow, or anything, and he was here for about an hour dealing with the wires, etc. He acted like he was in a barn, or something. `Nothing to see here,` type of attitude. I want a natural Wow response, because that is the response that I want to create for others in the future, especially in small or smallish spaces. It is a real challenge. And my own apartment is my ` laboratory` or `portfolio`, so to speak. So, he really hurt my confidence, but I will continue in this hobby and aspiration. ….and still read on Narciste and still (((binge watch in secret))).
PSE,
the advantage with my bad habits, is that they serve my proffetional goals, so no worries
if i were the cable guy i would have noticed your decoration, i love well decorated places, but i have absolutely no skills in the matter, i love it when i see the finished product, but when i need to go shoping with someone for the house furnitures it is torture i have no patience, i’m always tempted to chose the nearest thing to the entrance so i can go back.
the cable guy, was may be too shy to mension it or was afraid it may look inapropriate.
Liza. I would decorate for free, and that means I really like it, but of course I would want to be paid some day. I will never forget that cable guy. I want a natural Wow response that I can hear or even perceive in the body language, and I got nothing from him. I will break such cable guys in the future. It is called the Wow Effect in decorating and I have to achieve that to be considered good. No one can withstand a real *Wow Effect even if it is in their body language (*I should have mentioned that the Wow Effect can also be seen in a visitor`s body language). But, he did arrive very early before the appointment time, and I was annoyed with him over that, and I am sure he could sense that I was annoyed, although I was not actually angry. So, it is slightly possible I may have destroyed my own Wow Effect, as well. He probably thought, wow, she is really annoyed that I am so early. Not the `wow` that I wanted. And, I was irritated. He through my schedule off.
PSE, the cable guy was surely preocupied with the long list of future clients that he needed to see after finishing with you, and note that if you were just slightly annoyed because he was a little bit early, he most likely had already been shouted at by an old lady who switched her box off and complains that there is no wifi or something like that, so don’t take it personaly,
plus if the cable guy is one of my kind, the only thing you need to do to obtain the WOW! reaction is to display a motherboard, or a powerfull computer where he can see it, no further effort is needed.
more seriously,i hope will soon get to have a jobe you like, i know that it is not easy in this kind of fields.
PSE
Don’t let one cable guy hurt your confidence, you’ve described your appartement to me in detail before and it sounded marvelous! Was there not a magazine that asked to have your appartement featured in it? The reasons this guy acted the way he did are his own and have nothing to do with your skills. You would make an excellent interior decorator!
Desiree. I plan to break all cable guys in the future. Property Mgmt. in my apartment complex, wanted to show my apartment to visitors to show what all can be done with a studio apartment. They love my apartment and they said that they can not believe it is the same apartment. But, when I asked them what was in it for me, if I allowed them to show my apartment from time to time, the answer was, essentially, nothing. So, I passed on showing it. And, since I want to enter the apartment in some contests, like House Beautiful Small Spaces Contest, and such, those contests prefer that the apartment entered into the contest is not shown all over the place already, before hand. One contest I wanted to enter closed down last year because of scandal and favoritism charges, and on top of that, accusations of fake amateurs (professional decorators pretending to be amateurs). Desiree, these professional decorators were surreptitiously decorating some contest entrants` apartments over the years. And these entrants would often win and receive acclaim and prizes, (and of course these winners would not mention that their apartments had been professionally decorated, because that violated the rules). And then a year or 2 later, or so, the same professional decorators would input the same entrants` winning apartments in their own professional portfolios, as design award winning apartments of their own (so they took the acclaim to themselves as well, by not mentioning the amateur entrant). But all the corruption and scandal came out, and then that contest lost sponsorship from companies that did not want their products and prizes associated with that scandal, and so that contest is still closed down. It was a famous Small Spaces contest, at that. So, a lot is at stake. So, for now, I will keep working on the apartment, and I do need to up my tech game in the apartment, as Liza and I discussed. I was looking at this 5 star hotel suite in London on the internet this week, and this suite had a TV that swiveled in one`s direction as one walked around the room. lol. I do not know if such high tech as that is cool or creepy, though.
PSE,
swiveling TV screens, yes. Self-swiveling TV-screens, no. I don’t watch any TV anymore, most of it is biased, brainwashing rubbish designed to keep people passive and waste their time. The people at these contests sound like narc decorators. Corruption is everywhere. But you don’t have to go down that route, how about you start a blog where you show your appartement and advise people on how to decorate small spaces? I am sure a lot of people would be interested in that and you would be independent and not have to go compete with some mediocre narcorator as your good advice would speak for itself. If you want to have a product as well, you could write a guideline that establishes a step-by-step system to make it easier for people and offer that on you blog.
Desiree: You have some excellent business ideas. I am working on a book with guidelines. And I could do a blog, but I have to break into doing that. And break into camera work, since it is a visual field. But, I do want to win just one contest for validation, not for myself, but many people are impressed with that sort of thing, but I will not chase contests and you are right about some of the corruption. And I do like prizes and prize money. But, I will not put too much energy that way: You are right. And I am collecting notes for a book, that could be used immediately, if I started a blog. Thank you, Desiree.
Liza: I see fit to even take into consideration the taste of cable guys and your kind. You all matter, as well. And, actually, nothing was in error or wrong about any of your comments. In fact, Functionality is a key part of serious decorating, and electronics are part of the modern world. And, ALL of the best hotels that I look over on the internet did have to upgrade their systems and obtain strong wifi and fast internet and they also had to provide convenient charging stations for peoples` devices in all the suites, etc. for the comfort and productivity of their important and valuable clients. So, I still thank you for your input. But, I am not sure about a self swiveling TV that would follow me about, that I saw. I believe that TV would creep me out, to be honest.
Lisa. You are right. I do need a big screen tv and a large computer monitor. That would up the look of the apartment as well as be useful . Very good points. Yes, I do think the cable guys have a tough job< however the once that came last week said, cool apartment. But he was about ten minutes late, and I was not in an irritable mood when he knocked on the door. So, I need some James Bond and Q looking electronics in the future. Got it. For real.
haha ,with cable guys you get either the ponctuality or the sensitivity, you can’t have both.
Liza: So true. One can not have both with the cable guys, unless one encounters a Greater cable guy. Not these lesser and midrange cable guys. Well, something great came out of all this; I know I need to up the aesthetics of my tech game in decorating. Knowledge is Power. Scientia sit potentia
PSE,
no !!! don’t listen to what i say in terms of decoration, and don’t take the behaviour of cable guys as a reference, we have no taste, you will just ruin your art, continu as YOU see fit.
Yes. Truth seeker extraordinarie, I am. It is so overwhelmingly how this is so appliqué in my life… I cannot even expand.
Trust is a state of higher feelings that a narcissist does not have. Narcissist, not trusting, uses paranoia to control everything and everyone. Obsession and paranoia is a state of mind of a narcissist who calculates what reactions he has caused to every person encountered. Every. It seems to him that he controls the reactions of all the people he meets every day and evokes emotions and feelings in everyone.
People who trust don’t have to control anyone. Of course, when they fall into the trap of narcissus, their trust and all higher feelings are destroyed. However, they can then rebuild their intuitions, which together with trust will warn them of the torturer. They can trust but already themselves and their reactions and live their lives.
It’s a question of lust.
It’s a question of trust.
It’s a question of how fantastic the new graphics are ❤️