So Wrong
My ex? Where do I begin? You know, I must admit, I have a propensity to always being right. I cannot help me. It is just the way I am. I work hard to get things right, in my job, who my friends are, making the right decisions in my life and most of all in respect who I choose to spend my intimate days with, but I will hold my hands up on this one. I got it wrong. Spectacularly wrong. I am normally an excellent judge of character.
It is an uncanny knack I have, call it a sixth sense if you will. I can usually tell when I meet somebody for the first time whether I will get along with them. I can gauge whether we will become firm friends and enjoy one another’s company. It happens with everyone including you.
What did my sixth sense tell me about you? Oh that we have so much in common and we are destined to be together. Don’t ask me why but I just knew it from the moment we met. There is just something about you. This sixth sense has never let me down before but it did with her, I got that all wrong. She was just the wrong person for me but I must have let her charm me or something because I just did not see her for what she really was. She appeared so right yet she was wrong on so many levels.
Don’t worry, I know I have not made the same mistake with you, you are different, there is nothing wrong about you. Everything was good at first, I think she managed to pull the wool over my eyes and hide from me whatever it is that is wrong with her. I am still not sure but it was not long before it all went wrong. We had a good time at first, no I will be honest, we had a great time. I put a lot of effort into my relationships. I firmly believe that there should be no half measures.
If you want to be with someone then you must give your all to them. There should be complete trust and your heart should only ever be theirs. I did this but it soon appeared that it was not enough. I don’t know what I did wrong, other than actually get into a relationship with her, but it all turned sour. I still don’t know what I did wrong. Whereas she was once attentive and kind, I think it was all a ruse now when I look back, she then showed little interest in me and doing things together.
She focussed on her job, her home and her hobbies, almost as if I became an afterthought. When I tried to point this out to her she would just go crazy, I mean full on looney tunes. It was scary the way she would just turn on me and point out all the things that I had done wrong. It made no sense. I gave her everything and yet no matter what I did it was always wrong. I just could not please her.
There is something very wrong with her. I could go into detail but you don’t need to hear all about that. I think it is sufficient to say I made a huge mistake entering a relationship with her, I got it entirely wrong, but I have learnt from that error and it will not happen again. I know I have got it right this time.
I was right about you. You are wrong, everything about you is wrong. I knew from the start but I thought I would give you a chance to prove me wrong. I wanted to help you. I saw something in you and thought that things would be all right despite the wrongness that surrounded you.
Yet everything I did to makes thing right you just threw back in my face didn’t you? You just had to make everything go wrong didn’t you? You would say the wrong thing, at the wrong time in the wrong situation. You would make wrong decisions, based on the wrong facts and choose the wrong option. You got with the wrong friends and did the wrong things with them for our relationship.
You showed the wrong tendencies and you committed so many wrongs I must have forgotten as many as I have remembered them. You are inherently wrong; it runs right through you. You taint everything about you with your wrongness and most of all you made our relationship go wrong. I did nothing wrong. I tried to make things right between us.
I persevered and held on as best I could as the wrongs rained down on me. I wanted us to work together but not only were you on the wrong page compared to me, you were reading from the wrong book. You gave me the wrong things, made the wrong comments and did the wrong acts. You infected our relationship with your wrong views and attitude. Everything went wrong and it was all down to you, yet you cannot even accept you are wrong can you?
You just kept asking me the wrong questions and giving me the wrong answers. I knew you had something wrong about you as soon as we met but something inside persuaded me to give you a chance to make things right, that you just needed that opportunity and you would grasp it and be thankful that somehow you could crawl from that wrong place you inhabited and that for the first time, suitably encouraged and supported, that you would start to do the right thing.
I was so right about how very wrong you are.
You wronged me but you will see now that I am going to put things right and I will do so in a way that ensures you will do no wrong ever again.
Right?
3 thoughts on “So Wrong”
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Clearly, how she is viewed by the narcissist. Do you really think they are wrong? Tisk tisk
This appears to be someone that got away, that noticed the odd behavior in your kind, sure it went well at first but something just wasn’t right. Of course not on your end you did everything right but on the opponents end. They started to notice the odd behaviors and called one out on it your kind saw it as them going crazy. Your kind thinks they were all wrong now that it didn’t go as planned. Your kind now thinks the other was all wrong to begin with and knew this but gave the other a chance anyway. Now, surely your kind is convinced that they were completely wrong about this one. Who knows I could be wrong in dissecting this and I know I spelling was way off but do I care, maybe I just find it intriguing.
HG
Such a clever piece of writing. Redolent with narc double speak, black/white thinking and do I see you tossing a word salad?
I must have read this before but I don’t remember it.
I even like the picture too. Although I don’t fully understand it. The witch part I get but why the white sheet? Shouldn’t it be black? I’m clearly missing something. Is the woman being portrayed as she actually is as opposed as how she is viewed by the narcissist?
Just as a side note, I spoke to a young woman tonight. I suspected her partner who is causing her much unhappiness by using the sex manip. I queried if either she or others close to her suspected he was a narc.
‘Oh no’, she said. ‘He doesn’t look after himself at all!’ And again we are facing a fundamental lack of understanding on NPD. I gently corrected her and mentioned she should look at my brother! I suspect he was a MV probbaly kicking towards the lower end.. I didn’t pursue that route with her; I perceived she is not ready to hear the truth.
As the conversation progressed, it became clear that it was her first big relationship, she had been unhappy for 6 out of 7 years, that her father and step father I believe had been abusive. She talked about how exhausted she is. How much she wanted to be loved and to give love.
It’s so hard, knowing when to speak up and when to keep quiet. The last thing I would wish is that she felt she had a bad experience in reaching out and didn’t do so again. Still, she gave me 5 stars and ‘kudos’ and thanked the people in that room who were helping her.
I do worry that even though we all talk about keeping profiles safe that there are largely women who perhaps do not fully appreciate how any narc is utterly into their SM profiles, their laptops and of course; their phones.
I perceive what I am about to do is really quite dangerous in that the more I put myself out there, the chance of a poison pill Middle coming after me in a malignant way is reasonably high. Like I’ve not had that before!
So, I have a request. Your website and books are switching more and more people ‘on’. Some will attempt to do what I am attempting to do. Is there any way you could write an article which helps advocates to keep safe?