The Terrible Gaslighting Twenty
You are familiar with gas lighting where we twist reality over and over again in order to create doubt. You begin to question yourself, doubt your recollection and feel like you are losing your sanity.
It is an insidious tactic and one which we always use in order to destabilise you and maintain our control and the upper hand. We change history, re-write what has happened and we will do so even when faced with what you think is incontrovertible truth and evidence. Our confidence and certainty in the way we approach this, combined with the patronising appearance of caring about your tired and failing mind is especially bewildering. Our aim is to cause you to question your reality so you much more readily accept the false reality that we create and operate in.
The Greater Narcissist consciously does this. We know what we are doing, why we are doing it and want the outcome of fuel and control – it is a calculated response on our part. Our narcissism compels this behaviour and our increased awareness allows us to plan it and revel in its success as we witness its impact on you. We know it is regarded as wrong, but we do not care and we see it is as necessary and justified to achieve our aims.
The Lesser and Mid-Range Narcissists do not calculate. It is an instinctive response borne out of their altered perspective. Their narcissism compels this behaviour although they do not see that they are doing anything wrong – indeed, their narcissism causes them to see what they are doing as a natural response to the antagonistic behaviours of the victim. It is the victim who is the problem, who is twisting reality and being awkward. The Lesser or Mid Range Narcissist truly believes their response is correct, right and justified – it is the victim who is manipulating, going mad or is forgetful and misremembering.
Here are twenty of our favourite phrases which are used to gas light you and in some instances allied with other forms of manipulation.
“It never happened.”
(Denial)
“You are lying.”
(Projection/Blameshifting)
“You imagined it.”
(Denial/Blameshifting)
“You haven’t remembered it correctly.”
(Blameshifting)
“Yes, you did do it because I remember distinctly.”
(Blameshifting/Assertion of Superiority)
“Are you calling me a liar?”
(Insult)
“If I look for it you had better hope I don’t find it. Oh, what’s this? Just where I said it would be.”
(Threat/Triangulation)
“I never told you to do that, why would I ever say that?”
(Denial)
“Your dad wouldn’t do that to you.”
(Triangulation)
“You are suffering from delusions, I think we need a doctor for you.”
(Projection/Triangulation/Insult)
“You like to cause an argument out of nothing don’t you?”
(Projection)
“You twist my words, I did not mean it like that.”
(Blameshifting)
“You never told me that at all, I would have remembered.”
(Blameshifting/Assertion of Superiority)
“Nobody likes you, they’ve all told me this.”
(Insult/Triangulation)
“You need help, it is caused by your anger problem.”
(Insult/Blameshifting/Projection)
“Why are you inventing things again? You are such an attention seeker.”
(Projection)
“That never happened.”
(Denial)
“Dear me, you always make things up, you’ve done it ever since you were a child.”
(Projection/Triangulation)
“We are just friends, you are reading too much into it.”
(Triangulation)
“That couldn’t possibly have hurt you, why are you saying it did?”
(Invalidation)
22 thoughts on “The Terrible Gaslighting Twenty”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.
Is it a narcissistic tactic to say “I’m not _____” The blank being something they clearly are being/doing? (Childish, playing mind games, etc). Is it more projection or gaslighting? There is a lot of pointing out about what they are “not”.
It is an indicator in isolation and not determinative. If somebody has been confirmed as a narcissist based on repeated and multiple indicators, then saying “I am not ________” when they are, is the narcissistic manipulation of Denial and Hypocrisy.
Hg
Lying is Gaslighting?
Am I on the right track?
How do I repel a co student Narsissist who has targeted me? I know she is a narc. She added me on fb and snap And keeps calling me, I have tried to reduce the times I answer. I listened to her for 3 hours on the telephone last night, and when I finally made an escape she was offended. She wants to collaborate with me, and keeps trying to triangulate and talks shit about other students. I do NOT want anything to do with this person. I do not want any drama, and she seems like a ticking bomb
1. Ascertain that she is a narcissist through the Narc Detector consultation.
2. If confirmed, apply no contact and I will assist you with the regime through an audio consultation.
“Are you calling me a liar?” A favorite of an elementary school teacher who would try to gaslight her victims into false confessions. If a good student with a reputation for unimpeachable veracity came forward and said, “I was there; Vi didn’t do it,” the teacher would walk away without either apologizing for the false accusation or paying lip service to asking anyone else if they had done whatever it was.
When I was out sick for weeks once, another kid became the scapegoat, and she couldn’t understand why it was always so bad in her class, why even legendary troublemakers were always worse with her. It never dawned on her that kids like me figured if we’re going to get punished whether we did something or not, might as well do it–as well hang for a sheep as a lamb. Meanwhile, kids who were well-behaved in other classes knew whether they did something or not, she would let them get away with it and try to pin it on me or another troublemaker, so they might as well act up too.
I find it easier to shrug off Wanna-be Playuh-Narc’s misdeeds than this woman’s. She was living not far from my home town last I checked, and I still sometimes fantasize about sending her hate mail or a box of horse manure. Confronting her with adult knowledge of how unethical and incompetent she was used to be the fantasy, but I now know how easily she would deflect that. She’s the perfect mid-range do-gooder, what HG calls Overwhelming Angels. It was always To Help Us. Nothing I could say would ever make a dent in that thick wall of self-righteousness.
Getting a bit confused. I keep reading the lesser and mid range do not calculate as this article also states
So if they are otherwise thought to be a Mid-Range, but they do calculate, does the fact that they calculate mean they are a greater? Are the categories not so cute and dried?
You will be making the common error of thinking it is calculation when it is not. The vast majority of narcissists are lesser and Mid Range, that means they act through instinct. If you are unsure with regard to your own situation Susan or you want clarification as to why most narcissists operate through instinct then please organise a consultation.
I have heard the one if I go and find this and it is there Im gonna ahh there it is just where I said it was and it isnt where they said it was
Christopher: Can you tell me how you even discovered that there is such thing as a female narcissist? Many men do not know about it, even if they were in the middle of it….
Yea sure I heard hg say that females can be narcs as well he also said a huge percentage of them are mid range narcissist. The biggest misconception is that men are narcs but women also can be them as well he said that sometimes it’s been a stereotype or a stigma for males. When he stated that I started noticing them in t.v. shows and movies the show called 90 day fiance is a very good show to watch because empathic people are being ensnared by the narcissist all the time because hg said that a playground for narcissist to roam.
Christopher: Interesting. Speaking of T.V. shows, etc., I aways had an odd feeling looking at many female newscasters and female sportscasters. I always wondered about that sort of job. I knew nothing about Narcissism though, until last year. Especially the female sportscasters. I always wondered, if the female sportscasters would marry, if their husbands would allow that job for them. Because if a man married a female Narcissists, being a female sportscaster is fuel supply city. She would not want to leave that career. Ever. I guess it would take a special sort of guy, or a hapless sort of guy to put up with all of that. Many men would have a problem with her interviewing those athletes after games, all the time, and her standing next to the male locker rooms and the mens` dugouts and all of that, year in and year out.
That is true I see what you are saying about that. Yea I have seen some female narcissist very eerie now looking back at what I know now. I have been a subscriber to hg since I think 178 I was I have been with him since like 2012 or 2013. I’m glad to see that women are on here alot because that protects you all from all the brethren of narcissist.
Christopher. I found out that most of my friends have been female Narcissists. I am so upset about this, but I did not know. It is shocking. I always took their side when they discussed men problems, and over the smallest things they would break up with a guy. And then say that men just do not try hard enough and things like this. They really do not see that they are some of the problem. I was often confused, but many times they were very attractive, and from what I could see, the men treated them very well, but they seem never to be satisfied. And, of course, I would take their side , but try to help them to see things from the guys` side. And, I would tell them sometimes to give certain guys a bit of a break. But, they said that was compromising, and they always said they deserved better. I hoped they would stay with some of the guys that I really believes was of high character, and try to treat him better, even if he made some mistakes. I was wrong. I will watch out and avoid female friends like that from now on. I am not going to nursemaid female narcississt women `friends` any longer, now that I know. I want real friends.
Yes that is so true unfortunately I am one of those guys and the thing is men end up feeling like they havee to change like being callous or being rude because we get told that we are too nice or we get taken advantage of so then what ends up happening is I hear women say “where are all the good guys at” and my reply is “probably with a narcissist ” and they usually dont say anything back usually. I have seen asshole friends of mine have nice girls and beautiful actually and they treat them like shit usually and I’m like damn how does that happen well because they are with narcissist sad to say but that’s what it is. I really wish hg had a course in high school or in college to make people more aware.
Have heard many of these multiple times.
I kind of think the upper mid ranger that wreaked such havoc on my life in the last 2 yrs, knows he does it.
When I saw him in person last summer (rare), he isolated me from my pack and started some gaslighting, until I said, “ all I hear is. “That never happened; and if it did it wasn’t that bad; and if it was it wasn’t my fault; and if it was you deserved it “
He averted his face, and muttered “I know, I know it wasn’t right…. “
Only that one time did he say that. I’m sure he would be gaslighting again if we spoke sometime soon
“He averted his face, and muttered “I know, I know it wasn’t right…. “ – This is something I have seen in some I identify as “Mid” – a small window of self-reflection where they show a temporary awareness. And possibly go back and alter their perspective again.
As a side-note, a Mid literally said that I am making things “awkward” (apart from twisting reality etc)! :p
Lily, I’ve seen these small windows of self reflection and then poof it’s gone. Now I think of it as them collecting data to strengthen their facade.
Lily, you most likely are making it awkward for him . . . to obtain fuel! ⛽️
“Awkward” ….. 🤔
On hindsight, I think he was trying to goad me into giving him negative fuel as the nature of the conversation wasn’t “awkward”- unless, my unintended wounding made it so. I didn’t think much about it until HG used the same word.
Thank god you left his ass I have heard those comments before “oh well shouldn’t have done it …what what I’m just saying I mean you asked I’m just saying” in a very callous type way. Remember you know you go and get out and stay out