Disbelief (And How To Tackle It)

Unbelievable

Narcissists have a different world view to you. Failing to understand this results in the behaviour which seems entirely appropriate from our perspective, being confusing, bewildering and utterly unbelievable from your perspective.

This results in the use of flawed logic, bad decisions and continued ensnarement with the narcissist.

To understand how the behaviour is unbelievable and importantly what you can do about it, use the link below.

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16 thoughts on “Disbelief (And How To Tackle It)

  1. Lamb says:

    HG,

    Thank you. Believe me , part of my essential preparation will be a consult with you! I am going to get some of your books , just have to figure out how to read them without a kindle?

    Pati,

    I think your situation is the most like mine . I don’t think there are many long term married people here ? You must be as resilient as me to have put up with the BS for so long.
    Thank you for your kind wishes, I wish you the same . :)

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Lamb,

      You can obtain the free Kindle app which you can use on any electronic device or you can email me and I can assist you with regard to access the material an alternative way.

    2. NarcAngel says:

      Lamb
      I thought the same when I first came here – no Kindle. You can download the Kindle app (free) onto your tablet or phone. When you purchase the books it goes to your kindle app and you read the books on whatever device the app is on.

      1. Lamb says:

        NA,

        Thank you. :)

  2. elena says:

    This piece should be your bootcamp’s cheatsheet ))

  3. Susan says:

    Addendum: I started reading “Chained”. Immediately recognize myself ! I’m sure this will shed more light as, just within the opening pages, you address problems I presented in the previous comment.

  4. Susan says:

    What you present in this article is so accurate. After experiencing the “unbelievables” in relation to the bronarc, I’m convinced no contact was the only solution. Once the inheritance issues were settled I started real no contact. The peace of mind knowing I won’t get the nasty invasions through text and email has been great. I don’t cringe when I open my email inbox anymore. I do think he may show up at my house one day or find so other means to invade my space.

    At the end of the article you list 15 insights for dealing with the ”unbelievables”. These will help as time goes on. I think I have a good understanding of what I have been entangled with (1) from reading your work. But, I don’t really grasp the “different reality” (2), and I’m not sure I ever will. However, based on reading, research and experience, I believe it is true. I’ve acted as though it is true by implementing no contact.

    I still struggle with what you present in the three sentences below. I do actually believe the 3 ideas are true as my experience confirms them. But, these 3 things have caused so much hurt for so long and I am still so angry that someone can be this way. I guess it may take a while and I will continue to read. Really envy those who indicate they have made a quick turnaround from narc abuse as that has certainly not been the case for me. Studying your work has gotten me much closer to healthy than I otherwise would have been. It has also given me hope that I can continue to improve and become stronger especially improving emotional thinking.

    The 3 sentences:

    “Unbelievable that this person cannot understand what they are doing and that what they are doing is wrong.” “Unbelievable that they cannot be helped.” “Unbelievable that someone could waltz back into your life and carry on as normal.” And I will add, unbelievable they can never, ever admit any fault.

  5. Pati says:

    Wnat a wonderful article HG, i come to realise from your perspective you are right even though we have done nothing wrong.

  6. santaann1964 says:

    I’m putting your work to a test. So far it’s fascinating! I’m definitely in a danger zone but it’s incredible just how correct you are Mr.H

  7. Lamb says:

    Regarding #3; isn’t it necessary to analyze so we can counteract what the narc is doing, or at least know how to react to things they do/say to us ??

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No, that is emotional thinking. You should not be allowing the narcissist to do things to you or say things to you through the imposition of a rigid no contact regime. You have no need to engage in any way with the narcissist.

      1. Lamb says:

        HG,
        I have no choice, we reside together. Sometimes I have to reply to his nonsense, when he crosses a boundary. Sometimes I ignore it, depends on the situation. Hence my walking on eggshells. Never know what I’m getting, Jekyll or Hyde.
        If we didn’t reside together I would have no problem never seeing or speaking to him again. How could I after the hell he’s put me through.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Hello Lamb, you have a choice. Leave. Of course it will require effort and application to do so, but it is eminently achievable.

          You cannot successfully co-exist with a narcissist in a romantic entanglement.

          1. Lamb says:

            HG,

            I could leave, but I won’t leave my home . The home I raised my children in. I’ve done nothing wrong, however if / when it comes to a divorce I have plenty of proof of the wrongdoing he’s done , spanning decades.
            He will be completely fucked , professionally, financially, and personally.
            I’ve told him in the past, “ do not mistake my kind heart for weakness “.
            Divorce will be very painful for me, but it will be even more painful for him.
            Trying to reduce my ET by reading here in order to prepare for anything he attempts to throw at me .
            I realise I must remain calm during that process.

          2. HG Tudor says:

            You could leave the home if you want to achieve no contact. If you do not wish to, fair enough, understand that is likely to elongate the process and make it more difficult, but it also does not mean that the process is one whereby it is fruitless for you. Since you have the proof, proceed with the divorce, use the application of the law to achieve your aims. You need to utilise the Divorcing A Narcissist AP and furthermore arrange a consult with me so you are prepared, that means you will succeed and with the minimal damage, as no doubt you have suffered enough already.

          3. Pati says:

            Hi Lamb,
            We are in the same boat. I am married for 23 years and 4 kids . You are on the right track being here on the blog. HG is fantastic!
            Please try and do a Narc Detector to help you find out which school and Cadre he belongs to.
            Then if you can speak with HG
            At least you are applying for divorce good for you . We are all here for you and wish you all the best. As i said my husband is a Narcissist but he is good with his kids but not with me. There are different flavours of Narcissist and they are all different
            Good luck sweety !

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