I Am Empty. I Show You What You Want To See

There is a vast emptiness inside of me.

Whatever was meant to be there is not there and instead this chasm remains, an expansive void that is dark, deep and perpetual. I remain ahead of this void because it wants to consume me and in so doing consign me to oblivion. This relentless black hole wants to devour me, breaking down all that I have achieved and crushing them into nothingness, a final insult against me as I disappear without trace. A terrible matter to contemplate that as this extinction is aimed at me is the prospect of never having mattered, never having existed and never having made a mark on the world. To be erased in an instant, obliterated and deleted.

I am fearless in all that I do, save that is this void, this nothing which is the architect of one total fear. It is against this constant fate that I drive forward. You see, hurled into this void is The Creature and he is scrabbling to escape it so that with dreadful suicidal intent he can wrap his sinewy arms about me, his yellowed and sharpened teeth plunging into my neck, his venom paralysing me as he gurgles and giggles, hauling me backwards off the precipice and into the void, the pair of us plummeting into oblivion.

That must not happen.

In order to keep him deep, deep down in the void it is necessary to imprison him and keep his vile and seditious whispers silenced. This means filling the void. Imagine he lurks at its very deepest point. He wishes to keep the void as it is. Vast and empty, since by doing so he will be able to then clamber out and grab me, dragging me down back into the void. He needs the void to be just that. He needs emptiness so he can reach out of it unhindered. He needs the void to be just that. He needs emptiness so he can destroy me through its unrelenting absence of anything.

I cannot have emptiness.

This void must be filled and it is filled with fuel. Each piece of fuel places a layer within the void and behind each layer The Creature becomes imprisoned. Oh he will wail and protest but as those layers become thicker and more numerous his wretched cat calls become muffled and then silenced. He cannot break through these layers, he cannot reach out and burst through the constructed layers to sabotage my existence. Each layer differs in depth, strength and duration in accordance with the type of fuel that I am able to gather and place within the void, fashioning my construct.

The smile from a stranger is a thin and ephemeral sliver. The admiration from a newly acquired primary source is a dense and durable slab that protects me and makes the construct strong. Piece by piece, layer by layer, each segment of fuel, positive and negative, reinforces the construct, fills the void and keep The Creature at bay.

One cannot rest for these pieces dissipate and melt away through time. The Creature picks at them, claws at them, raking through them. Your treacherous criticism punches massive great holes in them allowing the mocking howls of The Creature to echo to me. See now why we hate criticism so vehemently?

Fuel fills the void. Fuel creates the construct.

The fastest way to gather fuel is to show you what you want to see for then you will pour forth with your love, your delight, your admiration and your appreciation. Marvellous, edifying and filling is your fuel. If I show you the very thing that you want to see, namely yourself, you will give me this fuel more readily, with such potency, often and in huge amounts. I have not time to build something of substance for you to fall in love with, to admire and desire. I must create it with due expedience and what better way than to use that which already exists, namely you. Thus, I show you yourself through my mirror and you fall for that image believing it to be me, believing it to be my essence and substance.

You do not realise that you are seeking yourself and indeed you do not see yourself when I mirror you back at yourself. You are conned by my fakery into thinking that it is my substance that you see and it dazzles and enchants you. I care not. So long as you are providing me with that fuel, I will hold up that mirror to you and let you fall in love with yourself. It is an artifice, a fabrication and fakery but it is necessary.

I give you what you want. It is not real but it seems so real to you and thus your responses are in fact real. The delicious fuel flows and I want you to pour it into me, filling me up, creating a barrier of salvation between me and the Creature as you are chief architect in the plans to frustrate and defeat his attempt to dethrone me.

This is why when you are installed as primary source and your wonderful fuel flows you truly are everything that matters to us.

You are our salvation and if holding a mirror up to achieve this salvation is what must be done, then it will be done.

65 thoughts on “I Am Empty. I Show You What You Want To See

  1. ava101 says:

    This becomes pretty obvious with some, when one has understood this. But yea, so easy to believe that one has met a soulmate instead, when clueless.

    My latest candidate was sooo obvious, and I could even watch him in real time dressing up in my interests, and my traits, and my residual benefits, … one by one. I had that well known weird feeling at the beginning, then was soooo soooooo stupid to give him the benefit of the doubt for one weekend…. OMG what a waste of time, and nothing left but a feeling of disgust.

    The really despicable thing with this individual was that he took on my interests as his own, but also assumed right a way a kind of pseudo expert status, lol, by reading sth online, or watching a video, and then talking down to me, as if he knew better … by repeating something he heard somewhere, and then not even repeating it correctly. Trying to mirror me, but also trying to put himself in a higher position than me, lol, as if that was possible with the things I REALLY am.

    Some narcs are actually pretty stupid, and obvious, if one knows what is going on, and I don’t know if I should find that ridiculous and funny, or just boring, or maddening, or if I should really get mad at them for thinking they can fool me that easily.

    In the current Married at first Sight Australia season, there is one narc who isn’t sooo obvious to the unschooled eye, and he is kinda nice … so the normal “wife” gets more and more confused there, doubting herself, trying, and trying, … he even said after 2 weeks lol that she was suprisingly more emotional than he had thought and he was now more interested in her. He puts her down alright, but not much in a really obvious way, but in that typical way where people make endless excuses for the narc, …. and by being dimissive.

    However, she just has no idea what she is dealing with, and I want to scream at her, for heaven’s sake, use him for what he is good for – 3 weeks of fun for sure – and then leave. But she is too focused on “making it work”, to even just enjoy his fun side.

    Yea, so, I am forever grateful, HG, that I am not wasting my time anymore with too obvious narcs at least. ;D And not wasting ALL my energy with them anymore.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Good to read Ava101 and good to hear from you.

  2. Violetta says:

    A number of Narcsite articles helped me to shake off the lingering effects of Wanna-Be Playuh-Narc, but this one was my very first “Holy Shit!” moment.

  3. Foreigner74 says:

    Hallo H.G. Is it possible that our addiction to your kind depends on the fact that your narcissism helps us dealing with the creature we all have inside? My subject made me feel so important, nice, clever. In one word, unique. I cannot feel that way outside the magical world of love bombing. I think that during the golden period you (Narcissists) fight against our creature. After the golden period, you make an alliance with it. So the creature grows stronger and that’s why we feel so miserable, “hopeless and helpless”, after you’ve gone.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello F74, you don’t have a Creature at least not in the same sense as us. If you listen to Addiction : Foundation that explains how your addiction is founded and why we ‘service’ that addiction the most effectively

      1. Foreigner74 says:

        Sorry, I improperly called it Creature. In effect, I don’t perceive those negative feelings as something coming from a separate entity living inside me. What I meant was that you seem to be able to keep our destructive thoughts under control as you do with your Creature and therefore I supposed that this could induce addiction. Anyway, I will certainly listen to Addiction : Foundation. Thank you ! (One question off topic: is it wrong to write “hallo” instead of “hello”?)

        1. HG Tudor says:

          No, you can use either.

  4. Esther says:

    All worlds are imaginary as in it’s all in our mind? And yes of course it is your reality and it seems exhausting to me. Lol way too much work and effort. Welcome back HG! you were missed 🙂

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you.

  5. Esther says:

    Ah the power of deception.. and the consequences that follow… so sad…it seems much easier to face the fear/emptiness than to live In denial and keep chasing after fuel in an attempt to try to fill the void. It makes no sense and Is pretty exhausting…living in an imaginary world becomes a habit and the norm.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      All worlds are imaginary. There is no such thing as an objective reality. Seems exhausting to you, because it is not “your reality” it is the narcissist´s “reality”.

  6. Becoming Observant says:

    The more I read your thoughts, the thinner the line becomes between empath and narcissist. We all mirror to get approval.

    If we’re not productively (ie, successfully, aka praiseworthily) busy, the Creature (self-doubt/paranoia/loathing) sneaks in. The empath wants to be recognized for helping others. The narcissist wants to be recognized (even if it means helping others). When others are praised (fueled) for accomplishments we would like to be praised (fueled) for, we instinctively feel jealousy (“hey, I did that too: why aren’t you praising me?”). An empath voices support (“I’ve been there, I understand”), while a narcissist voices one-up-manship (“I’ve been there, I understand”).

    I can go on and on. The line is blurry. The parents who raised the “me last” empaths abused their kids very much like the parents who raised the “me first” narcissists. Nature determined which path the child took, perhaps? What do you think, HG?

  7. santaann1964 says:

    One more spleen, we all suffer from loving too much or not loving at all. Human kind… Whether Narcissist or Empath, we both want to achieve the ultimate- LOVE. Whether you call it fuel or love it just doesn’t matter

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No Santa, we want to achieve control.

      1. santaann1964 says:

        Yay, he called me by my name 😍. Control, love, we all want something to feel good.

  8. Joy&Love says:

    1. Dearest HG. Thank you for the fantastic education that you provide on this blog. I can honestly say I oncexwas blind but now I see.

    2. You won’t disappear. A new you will emerge and you will make a fantastic contribution to the human race. It is your destiny. But first you to have to face your fears like the rest of us and then you can seek to conquer the creature. I’m not saying it’s simple or easy, but what better person to try than you and it must be done. It’s better than living in fear in this farce, or is it? Logical thinking tells me that if something has this hold over me then I need to get rid of it once and for all.

    2. Why do you refer yourself as the devil? Yes you are evil by your own admission. Maybe one of the devil’s minions, but not the devil. You can still be saved. It can’t.

    3. Do you believe your empath detector is fool proof? I’ve been following the discussion involving Julie and this thought has crossed my mind. The tool used is a self report and therefore can be manipulated. It happens a lot in psychometric testing, however they build a lie detector into the validated instruments. Is it possible that a narc wanting to appear to be an empath may answer the questions in a particular way to create that false outcome? A true empath would still benefit as they would answer honestly and get the correct reading.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      1. You are welcome.

      2. I appreciate your encouragement in that regard but there is no need to do this, I am effective as I stand.

      3. Because I revel in what I do. It is not a case of being saved.

      4. It is. No, the way the test is calibrated is that it detects the second guessing. I cannot explain why (because that would then render the EDC vulnerable to manipulation) but it is a complex process where the answers operate individually and in tandem so that attempted manipulation is highlighted.

      1. Joy&Love says:

        Thank you. Your response is appreciated, HG.

  9. deniseisdone says:

    Hello HG. I hope all is going well for you. This article just slapped the shit right out me as did the picture – THAT is what I was grieving? It made me sad and shameful then kinda pissed. I won’t deny it – I fell for every single lie that spewed out of his mouth; however, let me state I do not lie therefore I simply do not assume people lie to me. If someone feels the need to lie then why even speak?

    The mirroring still bothers me – does that mean I’m shallow like a narc because I fell for it?? If he was showing me ME and I developed strong feelings does that mean I’m vain and just didn’t realize it? Please explain.

    My pain is gone – I don’t cry anymore – but HG shame still follows me..can you explain why? Will this shame fade? You guided me to safety – you showed me how to raise my bar – you meticulously explained narcissism to me – guess I was hoping you could help me rid this last negative emotion or just explain why it’s there.

    Next week will be 8 months of NC – would not have made it without you!! Thank you!!! FYI I still believe in my heart that you are a good man – that will never change for me and I pray you find your inner peace as you deserve it!!!

    1. Joy&Love says:

      Forgive yourself Deniseisdone. I
      don’t presume to know your situation. but what I know is that we are human and we make mistakes. You were the victim of a huge con and you got ensnared. Don’t live in that past anymore or it will always rob you of your joy. I used to blame myself but I don’t anymore, nor do I have any interest in blaming the narc. I have total peace of mind. Letting go does that.

      1. deniseisdone says:

        J&L I greatly appreciate your answer as you truly seem to know what I’m battling. Like you I don’t blame the narc – guess I heaped all the blame on myself. Well…that’s going to change as I am human with deep feelings but just with the wrong male! I can digest that J&L!!’ Thank you and HUGS!!!!!

        1. Joy&Love says:

          Good for you Deniseisdone!! The best is before you.

    2. Violetta says:

      Maybe it means the narc mirrored your own good qualities, because you actually try to live up to your ideals. Of course you would admire them in someone else.

      1. deniseisdone says:

        Never thought of looking at this from that standpoint and yes I do look for positive qualities in others so the narc simply gave me what I expect others to have. I can accept that reasoning… thank you!!! HUGS!!!

        1. Violetta says:

          I learned it only recently myself–from Narcsite, of course.

          I thought he was a rebel against convention. He was Mr. Conformity. He would change his opinions of actors and movies and GOK what else depending on what everyone around him said. One co-worker told him he had liked me, but didn’t want to admit it with the guys around (this was a job, not middle school). If he displayed some artistic eccentricity, it was only because a lot of other people were doing it.

          I was the one who wasn’t ruled by fear. Of course I felt fear, but I didn’t let it stop me from auditioning, wearing what I liked though it wasn’t the fad of the moment, even trying to have a relationship.

          He boasted about getting in fistfights at bars, and how girls really like that, no matter what feminism says, but he had no moral courage at all.

    3. MB says:

      Well done on eight months DID!

      1. deniseisdone says:

        MB thank you!!!! I always give HG the credit – I was so lost and crushed at first but that man showed me the real truth of narc and how to protect myself – I LISTENED TO EVERY WORD!!! MB I believe God lead me straight to HG’s videos – his brutal honesty woke me right up and yes HG taught me how to protect myself which God knew I needed both! Silly thoughts one might say but they are firmly in my heart!!! I pray you and yours have a wonderful Thanksgiving and HUGS!!!

        1. santaann1964 says:

          True story

    4. Lee says:

      Um, he’s nor a good man at all, and he’s not about to find inner peace. A narcissist’s Faustian bargain is for the duration of his/her life. Some claim to like it that way, but whether they do or don’t doesn’t matter. They’re not leaving their self-inflicted prison.

      Once you fully grasp that, you’ll understand narcissists. And you won’t be mourning their departure.

      1. deniseisdone says:

        Lee OUCH! That saddens me greatly given his work and the topics that help ppl. I do understand what you’re saying regarding narcissism and know they will not change – guess being HG has never hurt me and willingly helps others I simply don’t view him as an evil man. Hope you and yours have a wonderful Thanksgiving!!

      2. lisk says:

        Lee,

        HG has been quite frank about what you write. However, I have a feeling he would say he is no Faust, but rather the Devil himself.

        In either case, I appreciate your Narc-in-a-Nutshell post.

        1. Desirée says:

          Faust was a weakling and a bore. I’d go with Mid-Range Cerebral if it wasn’t for Gretchen. Either way, HG far outshines his Evil.

  10. Liza says:

    Mr.HG are you suffering?
    i’m asking seriously, appart from the times where your fury had been ignited or you have been wounded, or short on fuel.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No, I do not suffer. Not any more.

      1. Liza says:

        verry good.

      2. Cold Hard Truth says:

        If they knew you like I do.

  11. santaann1964 says:

    As my Narc snores next to me, I now look at him as pathetic, lonely, empty and as he mirrors exactly what Mr.H teaches us. I can’t wait until the beast leaves on Tuesday. Then I am alone again and will be loving every second of it because I now know it’s all a facade of a fake creature! Funny thing is he actually thinks I care if he leaves back home. My fakery is just as genuine!

  12. Caity says:

    HG, this piece always fascinated me because of the way you describe ‘The Creature’. Is it because you are a Greater that you are able to put into a visual what this is, and what a narcissist feels regarding it and the fear of it’s escape? Would one of the other cadre, such as a Mid-range have a cognizant understanding of what they feel or understand their Creature to be, or would it simply be a physical-psychological reaction, without recognition of what it is, when they experience the Creature trying to escape and destroy them?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Yes it because I am an Ultra, Caity and the Mid Range would not be able to do this.

  13. ThePolicyOfTruth says:

    See now this is where the narc’s protests of “but there’s nothing wrong with me, therefore I don’t need to change” appears to falls down.

    Who would want to live with this Creature? Surely nobody. Surely the narc does not enjoy having The Creature within him?

    It sounds like the narc is afraid of The Creature. Would the narc not want rid of The Creature? But by getting rid of the creature though, dare I say it, the narc would no longer be a narc, as the narc would no longer require fuel.

    1. MB says:

      TPOT, you can’t “get rid of” The Creature. It is the true self. All the readers have been waiting for the release of the book since discovering HGs work. Knowing what I know about The Creature, the writing is very difficult. I’ll be shocked if it’s ever completed. Not because HG is a future faker, but because it really is that painful. It will be his bravest work.

      1. lisk says:

        MB, TPOT,

        My guess–and it is only a guess–is that The Creature is, or has something to do with, the little, vulnerable self that never stood up or could stand up to the narcissistic/other abuse that the narcissist received from supposed love ones or others. There seems to be a lot of shame and anger involved.

        I

        1. I do hope it is finished one day, I’m intrigued as to what the creature is and how it manifests. I feel I have an idea but I don’t believe I think deeply enough.

          1. santaann1964 says:

            I have a few ideas as well. I too am waiting for the whole truth. M.H knows it and I also agree it will be painful! But that’s why we are here for him. As he is for us. The universe is a powerful tool to becoming what you want to be and how to help you achieve it.

          2. Violetta says:

            I totally miss him. When I’m short on time, I read his comments then scroll back to see the one to which he’s replying.

            I think a lot of my worst narc-bouts have been with Overwhelming Angels. Every micromanaging teacher or boss has had that Dolores Umbridge thing. The out-and-out tyrants never traumatized me anywhere near one of those Poison Pollyannas.

          3. Overwhelming angels can still make you feel incredibly suffocated for sure

      2. santaann1964 says:

        Agree 💯

    2. Violetta says:

      Most narcs don’t know they have a Creature. They do what they do and don’t know why.

  14. Kim e says:

    Yep. Had a dream that when my n turned sideways all I saw was a head and legs. Empty in the middle

  15. cogra002 says:

    I understand what you are suggesting, but none of us actually “want to hear” lies and deceit. We “want” to actually hear we are cared for or adored for real. Narcs are telling us what we’re hoping for, without telling us it’s a sham, an illusion, they really don’t care. It’s a subtle but important difference to me.

    1. E. B. says:

      Hi cogra002
      Re: “We “want” to actually hear we are cared for or adored for real.”

      There lies the problem. Why do you want other people to tell you that?
      If you know yourself and you are aware of your worth, you do not need other people to ‘adore’ you. If you know how to take care of yourself, you do not need other people to do it for you.

      By saying that, either directly or indirectly, you are exposing a vulnerability that a narcissist will exploit. They can easily identify a potential target’s low self-worth.

      1. lisk says:

        Bingo! E.B.,

        This is exactly my role, my responsibility, in my relationship with my Narcx.

        It was I who allowed the abuse to occur and continue because I needed his validation, because my life was at particularly low or difficult point.

        Once upon a time, when I was young and somewhat intelligent, I said to myself after seeing so many people suffering in abusive relationships, “One should never date someone or expect to find a great match when they are depressed or at a low.”

        Somehow, as I got older, I got more stupid (or desperate?), and I did not heed my own advice.

        While the narc is culpable in creating this dance, I do take ownership of having allowed a relationship that depends on someone else’s validation. I will not allow it again. I sure as hell don’t need it, anyway.

        For anyone who may see this as beating myself up, I am not. I am facing myself and freeing myself to take responsibility for my life.

        1. E. B. says:

          Hi Lisk,
          I totally agree with you. I made mistakes when two different people gave me the validation I needed. Without going into detail, it was about something I had been doing for many years. Since I had been harshly criticized by some narcissists, I was unsure. Then I met new narcissists without knowing what they were. They can recognize if we have needs (vulnerabilities). They used kindness and validation to make me trust them which I unfortunately did. I went NC as soon as I could but the damage had already been done. I take responsibility for it. My mistake.

          Some say when we are at our lowest we are open for positive change. This is not my case. When I am at my lowest, my E.T. is at its highest. Narcissists smell blood and I may make decisions I end up regretting.

      2. cogra002 says:

        EB,
        Well you’re picking me apart a bit there. Typing fast and I shouldn’t have written the word “hear”, we actually want that, not a fake version.
        I guess I thought people would understand the gist.
        I go thru this super fast
        And I am the wrong person to try to make feel bad or like I have low self worth, it just isn’t there. I’m highly accomplished, yet still would like love.
        I’d match CVs anytime. Don’t pick on me and try to make me feel bad. I’m not here for that.

        1. E. B. says:

          Hi cogra002,
          I feel that you are very upset. What made you think I was picking on you and wanted to make you feel bad?

          I believe you when you say are highly accomplished. You seem to have good self-esteem, you are proud of your achievements and that is good. My comment was not about that.

          My comment was about what you wrote – “to be cared for and adored”, which is related to self-worth. This is *not* about accomplishments (a degree) or possessions (assets).

          People with a healthy self-esteem may be targeted too when the narcissist identifies a vulnerability that has to do with their self-worth.

          If you have a high self-esteem and also a healthy sense of self-worth, you do not have to worry about narcissists. They will not be interested in ensnaring you because there aren’t any vulnerabilities to exploit and they will no be able to control you.

      3. santaann1964 says:

        It’s like a catch 22. Narcissist want and Empaths give! Empath is not the one with self esteem issues. To me it’s human nature to want to be loved and give love. It feels good. If the narcissist is trying so hard to receive fuel (love), to me it seems like they are the ones with low self esteem. If the narcissist didn’t eventually turn into a monster, they would get a substantial amount of fuel at least from me.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          It is nothing to do with self-esteem Santa, that is an erroneous conclusion perpetuated by those who do not understand. It is about control. I have an excellent conceit of myself, most narcissists do.

          1. santaann1964 says:

            I was replying to someone in the feed about self esteem. I do understand Mr. H very clearly. But it’s still a catch 22. Give and take, give and take, take take take give take more! I’m sure your self esteem is great, now mine is too, but not every narcissist has what you can give. Remember the creature who looks in the mirror, that’s a self esteem issue, don’t you think with the aging narcissist?

          2. HG Tudor says:

            No, because he does not see what you think he sees.

          3. santaann1964 says:

            Ok so I’m confused. Didn’t your article of the creature looking in the mirror describe the ugliness and aging until the first text came which sparked the ego? Correct me if I’m wrong. I can get confused with all the writing ✍🏻 you do. 😂.

          4. HG Tudor says:

            No.

        2. E. B. says:

          Hi SantaAnn,
          I understand what you mean. I also agree that narcissists take and empaths give.
          Narcissists say their victims are oversensitive when it is actually them who get easily offended. If narcissists knew about their value and who they are, they would not feel wounded or challenged so easily and would not need other people to acknowledge their existence.

          Happy Thanksgiving to you and to everyone celebrating today!

  16. Whitney says:

    Give me The Creature, HG. I will take it for you. You are rich inside.

    1. Sherry says:

      Whitney, you just added a thin layer of fuel. 😉

      1. Whitney says:

        Hahaha

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