The Empaths Riposte Grenades
There are occasions when you have been on the receiving end of one of our conversational narc grenades which has been thrown at you as we then walk away from the ensuing carnage, sucking up the fuel and marvelling at our own brilliance. There will of course been times when you wished that you had something which you could lob at us in order to make some kind of impact, a comment or a gesture which does not take much effort but manages to land a blow on us. The problem is, until such time as you have received the benefit of my mentoring I should imagine that your responses to your particular narcissist have been along these lines:-
Shouting and hurling insults at us as you lose your temper
Crying as you call us as many names as you can think of
Throwing something at us with a yell of frustration
Banging a door shut in annoyance
Telling us what you think about us as you bristle with anger
Of course as avid students you will know that all of these responses and more besides have no impact on us other than to provide us with fuel. You can call me as many insults as you can think of but if you do it as you scream at the top of your voice in anger or with tears spilling down your cheeks, the savage words merely fuel me. Now, for the purpose of extracting more fuel and providing me with something to go and complain about to other people (thus gaining more fuel and smearing you into the bargain) I will provoke you even further. Once you have lost yourself to emotion, we will keep pushing, prodding and provoking in order to make you deliver even more fuel to us. We will feign that we are hurt, we will pretend to be angry in response, we may even mimic being frightened of you. It is all fabricated and is just designed to draw more fuel. Accordingly, you should not respond in this fashion. Instead, when deploying these ripostes, you must do so without showing any emotion. If you do, the intended effect will fail. If you do these without expressing any emotion you will not provide and fuel and the effect will be that we will feel criticised and this will wound us. Be aware that when wounded our fury will be ignited. This may mean we withdraw, we may unleash a cold fury (silent treatment) or a heated fury (insults, violence) and therefore you should proceed with caution. You are best performing these ripostes when you are departing so you are leaving your own empathic riposte grenade behind to explode and wound us. In some instances, departure may not be possible and therefore you need to consider carefully the type of narcissist you are with and their likely reaction to criticism. Caveat out of the way, here are the ten critical ripostes for you to use against your narcissist.
- Point and Laugh
Point at us and give a hollow laugh. A slow, hollow laugh which is repeated will provide no emotion. Alternatively, point and just say “HAW ha” in an exaggerated manner, akin to the Simpsons’ character, Nelson Muntz. We will not know why you are laughing and the fact you are pointing at us but giving what is a derisory laugh will feel like a significant criticism to us.
- “You are big on emotion, low on substance.”
We like to think we are important and of considerable substance. You are the emotional one, not us, even though of course we are the ones which thrive on your emotional attention. To suggest we are emotional (when of course we have a limited range of emotions) implies that we lack control. To suggest we have no substance (which hints at our need to adopt the characteristics of others and also impugns our importance) adds to the criticism. The Lesser will be wounded by the suggestion of being emotive and unimportant, The Greater, knowing what he is will be wounded by the massive hint at knowing what we are, alongside the suggestion of lacking control and lacking importance. A double whammy.
- Feign sleep when we are talking
There is no emotion in closing your eyes and emitting a gentle snoring as you are sat down or lying down and we embark on one of our lengthy monologues. Once we realise you are not paying attention the criticism will wound.
- “I have to be elsewhere.”
If this is said without emotion you are telling us that our presence is not magnetic and commanding enough. Make your exit and leave us to our ignited fury at this wounding remark.
- “Jim has one only his is better.”
Useful for when we are crowing about some material possession. “Jim” may be somebody known to us both or you may make him up, the key thing is to point out that whatever we have, then “Jim’s” is better. It may be that his is a nicer colour, or his if larger, faster, more spacious, tougher, more durable. Whatever it is it will wound us. You can even keep rolling out the fictional Jim on repeated occasions and it will soon dent our crowing and have us wounded.
- “I wasn’t listening; can you repeat what you said please?”
You should always be listening to us. We are important. Any suggestion that you are not amounts to a criticism and if you actually tell us that you were not doing so, then it is even worse.
- Fall asleep when we are having sex with you
To impugn our Olympic sexual mastery in this way is a massive criticism. It need not be full sexual intercourse either. If you are touching us, drift off or vice versa. Best used with a Mid-Range as they tend to go off in a wounded sulk rather than erupt in a rage.
- “It is just not that interesting to me.”
Any suggestion that we are dull or boring when we are demonstrating something to you or regaling you with our latest tale of brilliance will constitute a wounding criticism.
- “Let me know when you have finished.”
This can be applied to so many different activities. We expect you to either be a willing and enthusiastic participant or a delighted spectator. If you make this remark when we are showing off about something and then walk away we will be wounded by this criticism.
- “No that does not make sense.”
Remember how frustrated you become at our circular conversations and inability to understand the point you are making? Well, this is your chance to turn the tables. You probably do understand but by suggesting we are not articulating ourselves clearly when delivered without emotion will amount to a criticism. We may try and explain again. If so repeat the comment. You can then walk away as our fury ignites and no doubt we insult you for being stupid and thick but who is the one who has just been wounded?
68 thoughts on “The Empaths Riposte Grenades”
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You are welcome Pati
You have been missed and I am looking forward to your return.
He is projecting, which incorporates a blame shift, and it’s gas lighting and withdrawal, as well. If you haven’t already read this article, you may find it very helpful.
https://narcsite.com/2019/02/08/why-the-narcissist-must-reject-intimacy/
Thank you K,
I am just going through a personal matter at the moment.
Miss you guys too you all are wonderful including HG
Hugs to all!!!!!!
You are welcome Pati!
Take your time; we will be here when you are ready to return. Hugs!!!
Thank you so very much sweetheart ❤
In the aftermath of a narcissist you “feel like your soul has been raped.” I read this recently and totally agree.
HG I wouldn’t try any of this with a violent lesser narc though and I believe this should be mentioned as these suggestions could put some of your followers at greater risk.
A lower lesser, would beat you with objects and start pulling out knives for far far less.
Hello W,
There is a warning in this article:
“Be aware that when wounded our fury will be ignited. This may mean we withdraw, we may unleash a cold fury (silent treatment) or a heated fury (insults, violence) and therefore you should proceed with caution. … In some instances, departure may not be possible and therefore you need to consider carefully the type of narcissist you are with and their likely reaction to criticism. Caveat out of the way. “
Ah my bad
Hi W,
No problem. It happens to me too. I read articles more than once. I usually find information I had not paid attention to the first time I read it 🙂
Point and laugh works verrrry well… Anything conveying that you’re not taking a narcissist seriously drives them batshit.
I go to my room and read HG’s books and close the door and ignore him. He hates that and tries to provoke me by saying I dont love him anymore. He says I dont care about him after everything he has done for me. HG has his fuel levels must have dropped drastically?
You are wounding him by ignoring him, thus he feels his control of you is threatened and he is being starved of fuel. This adversely affects his fuel level. See the book Fury.
Thank you HG, he now is saying that he needs to get away for 2 weeks. He needs time alone
Threatened Loss.
HG
Re: The case of Pati’s husband threatening loss
Do you mean the narcissist translation of “getting away for two weeks to be alone” is really:
Stop ignoring me or I will seek fuel elsewhere because my levels are getting low here?
It will not be because he wants to be alone for any introspection.
Correct.
Thank you HG!
Thank you NA!
HG. Any articles on threatned loss?
See the book Manipulated
Thank you I just bought it!
Hg approves
Speaking of threatened Loss, what is it with Cerebrals cultivating the image of brooding lone wolf academic, spending their nights alone, buried in books? Is that Facade Management, are they secretly up to something way different, are they actually drawing fuel from Online Forums discussing modern-day Marxism?
Both.
Thank you Pati and HG
Narc action in real time! I love the play by play; I find it very helpful.
Thank you K, mine wont even sleep with me. He tells me that I am distant, He is the one that doesnt like affection. Talk about contradiction.
My second ex husbandwas diagnosed with npd. He wouldn’t show any affection. And didn’t want to sleep with me. We slept in separate rooms. It was fine with me after awhile. The sex with him was lousy anyway. And then I found him repulsive to be with. Then I met another narcissist that was the opposite.
I guess there are a lot of different ones out there. I couldnt handle to be in another Narcissist relationship. Good luck to you Kelly B.
Sad Story!
“No, that does not make sense”. Argh – SO easy! I am storing that away for future use, but wish I had used it in one of those circular conversations that I ended up apologizing in.
Thank you, HG and Team!
Privatejourney, he’s an army of one.
Hello Privatejourney,
HG does everything by himself. There is no team.
Oops I think I did some of these without realizing it. Because I have a young daughter often times I would have to put her first even if my ex lesser was talking to me about something he thought was important. If I asked him to repeat himself because I wasn’t listening he would glare at me like I did something wrong. He never wanted to repeat himself. This was odd to me. Of course my daughter comes first, what is wrong with him??
Anyway HG I wanted to thank you for all you do for us. I am so happy I found this site as I have learned so much. I had to fire my therapist after she told me your opinion only has 20% credibility. She didn’t like the fact I believe a narcissistic psychopath online. Even though she has never read any of your work. She thinks I need to explore other reasons my dad might act the way he does. If it wasn’t for your work I might have believed her so thank you!
1. You are welcome.
2. How she arrives at 20% credibility having never read anything that I have written does mean that I can conclude that she is of limited competence. My response is evidence based, unlike hers.
3. Well done for seeing the power.
Hello candacemarie,
Good to hear you decided to leave her. Telling you to explore other reasons about you father’s behaviour would lead you in the wrong direction and expose you to more abuse.
She accuses someone of lying by saying his opinion has only 20% credibility without having read his work *and* without taking the time to read any feedback from his readers/clients.
According to her own narrow-minded view, nobody should trust Apple products because Steve Jobs was a narcissist. Nobody should trust a financial institution because narcissist hackers are hired as consultants and programmers. Narcissists also assist and work at software security companies.
Ignorance and stupidity. People like her should not be allowed to work as a therapist.
Great points, E.B.!!
E.B.,
So true about the likelihood of increased exposure to abuse if cm were to explore her dad’s issues. It just goes to show what a sham psychology is–always leading down the garden path to more and more, never-ending therapy.
That’s what I like about HG’s work. His advice is clearcut and clarifying, and really can be One-and-Done, if one wants it to be.
Sure, you can purchase the Advent Surprise, but HG doesn’t sell it like you *need* it in order to GOSO.
Lisk,
So true what you said about the wrong path to more and more never ending therapy! Unfortunately, MRN therapists realize the potential of making money with victims of narcissists.
An honest psychologist and university lecturer warned a client about some of his colleagues. This psychologist said that some psychologists deliberately make their clients become ‘addicted’ to them/therapy in order to take advantage of them financially for ‘many years’. Business people know how hard it is to turn a customer/client into ‘a regular one’.
He said that almost two decades ago, long before Facebook, Twitter and other social media existed.
If survivors find all the answers in HG’s work and private consultations, there will be no room for mediocre, unscrupulous therapists who want to make money by turning victims into regular clients for years. In my opinion, this is one of the reasons (but not the only one) why these deceitful therapists are smearing HG and his work.
The honest, decent, competent ones know they do not need to ruin other people’s reputation to have a successful career.
Entirely accurate and this is why the honest and competent ones refer people to me and use my work for their own situations. Three of my consultations later today are with psychologists.
Jolly awesome.
Exactly, HG. The competent ones could never feel threatened by the accuracy and quality of your work. Instead, they know how to appreciate it and find it helpful to deal with their own situations in life.
Not only that. E.B.
The good ones do not smear their own clients as wrong or loopy for seeking out other sources and finding gold.
Happened to me with a Jungian therapist who didn’t appreciate my messing with her archetypes and HER analysis of MY dreams (the latter totally inappropriate on her part). She was surely an MRN who couldn’t handle HG’s invasion on her territory. (I wonder if Jung was a Greater?)
Anyway, as you know. the good ones engage their clients on the subject.
E. B.
I couldn’t agree with you more! HG and narcsite were smeared on Quora.
HG
I am so happy to read that you are consulting with psychologists today!
Thank you K.
There will always be those who detract and we know why, K.
My pleasure HG
I am going with threat to control, pathological jealousy and envy.
Hi K,
I am not surprised they did it on Quora. They smear him in survivor’s forums and social media platforms.
People who smear him seem to be passive-aggressive MMRNs. I cannot paste it here but this is what they do:
1-They do it anonymously in public platforms. It is different in closed groups.
2-They warn others about him without publishing his name but people know who is meant.
3-They also say he is a “self-proclaimed narcissist” when they know he was diagnosed with NPD and is attending therapy.
4-They say “HE IS AN ABUSER”. This is out of context, a half-truth (a lie) based on the fact that narcissists abuse people in their private life (he never said he didn’t), but this warning is about his books and professional services – not his private life. He does not abuse clients.
5-They say to “get your clarity elsewhere, somewhere safe”’. Where is that SAFE place they write about? Unless we have enough evidence from several people (and not just from one or two individuals), we will never know if our new therapist is safe.
6-They say to “try the survivor community”, as if there wasn’t any LMRN, MMRN or MLN in it! Are Lessers and Mid-Rangers safe when they are unaware of what they are??
Unfortunately, some survivors looking for help for the first time will believe those lies.
Well stated.
I know who some of these individuals are. They are Mid Range Narcissists and I have a wealth of material on them.
EB
Not only that but when I brought up something HG had said about my dad being a narcissist, she became unhinged. I have never seen anything like it from a therapist. And I’ve been to plenty. Normally they are so calm and relaxed. Not her, she lost it. Which made me wonder that maybe she needs a therapist…..
Candacemarie,
Very unprofessional. Did she lash out at you?
I have noticed that ACONs in denial got *very* upset when I told them my parents were narcissists.
It was interesting to see their reaction. First, I did not speak about their parents but mine and, second, they had never met my parents. If they did not know them, there was no reason to get so mad at me for speaking about narcissistic abuse, unless… it reminds them of what THEY went through in their ‘holy’ family of origin but will not want to accept it happened.
If the abusers are dead, it is also a taboo. I was told I should not say any negative things about the dead, that it is unfair because they cannot to defend themselves.
Those who told me that were the same who witnessed when I was abused and did not do anything to prevent it.
Speaking about abuse in a dysfunctional family system is still a taboo in our society.
EB
I had never heard of ACONs so I looked it up. It’s sad that in a group setting people can’t be more supportive and understanding.
Lash out? She did raise her voice a bit and go on a rant. In the past I would have taken it personally but this time I didn’t. I don’t think she liked me because I was always questioning her about her knowledge on narcissists. Not that I am an expert, far from it, but I have learned a few things from HG. She had told me that she had tons of clients with dads just like mine. She called them Traditionalists. These are now elderly dad’s who are controlling, emotionally unavailable to their children, refused to take part in child rearing just left everything up to the mother. But they still loved their children and acted as they did because of the era they were from. It sounded like a nice way to explain narcissists to me. I was mad because she continuously tried to put my dad in the category of a Traditionalist. I just wanted her to call it like it was, a narcissist. What is so hard about that..
I have one more option as far as therapists go and if that doesn’t work out I’m not sure I will try again.
Candacemarie,
Believing her views will make her clients susceptible to narcissists who want to use them and exploit them in different kinds of relationships. Her clients will mistake manipulations and abuse for love and concern or help.
When my parents were separated and seemingly headed for divorce, I was told by one icicle of a Freudian that he could tell I was neurotic by my “intensity.” I was fifteen!
Know any teens who aren’t intense?
Violetta,
re “I was told by one icicle of a Freudian that he could tell I was neurotic by my “intensity.” I was fifteen!”
Very unprofessional. A divorce can be traumatic for children. If you went to him, he should have helped you instead of doing more harm.
EB:
So, never use narcs for anything? There goes the entire entertainment world. The performing artists themselves may not be full narcs, but they have a pretty high narc factor or they wouldn’t be out there expecting you to pay money so you can pay attention.
As for your charming total sociopaths, they’re needed to get backers. The Producers may be a satire, but the best satires are based on truth, or there is nothing to satirize.
Violetta,
It was about what another reader said about her therapist. This therapist told her HG’s opinion had only 20% credibility) because he is a narcissist).
HG’s opinion has only 20% credibility? Is it even possible to accurately apply a percentage to someone’s credibility. Any time someone randomly pulls out a statistic like that THEY lose all credibility with me
Mercy,
What they say is nonsense. A narrow-minded, simplistic view.
A therapist once said 80% of what narcissists say is a lie. I am not a therapist but it seems that this is what they learn. So they assume that only 20% of what HG says is valid, just because he is narcissist.
I used to work for my UMRN father. He told the truth to his clients. I was there with him. Had he lied to them, he would have lost them. He had an excellent reputation and many companies and business people went to him for assistance.
Those therapists with a tunnel vision have not read HG’s work. They are not interested in reading his work. They are not interested in knowing WHY HG has this blog and is sharing this information.
However, they readily judge him and make up lies based on a grain of truth to mislead victims of narcissists. I think they are MMRN with an agenda. It serves their purposes.
There are therapists on social media making passive-aggressive comments, smearing those who openly disagree with them, including their own colleagues and playing the scapegoat family role to acquire new clients.
Both of my parents were narcissists, I can recognize a fake victim.
Fortunately, there are also competent, professional therapists who come to this blog. I remember Dr Q and Indy. Caring and empathetic. I hope they are doing well.
“This therapist told her HG’s opinion had only 20% credibility) because he is a narcissist).”
What happened to “It takes one to know one”?
Why are the people who say these things usually people who haven’t actually read his work?
I’d be curious to see if anyone has quoted and cited him, then presented a counter-argument.
Violetta, I’d be curious as well. I’ve been listening to zero impact this weekend. While listening I had a thought that the only ones that could argue HGs logic are other narcissist and those that haven’t read his work.
The two categories you have mentioned Mercy are often the same people.
candacemarie,
I’m done with therapy as of HG (and moving to another city where practices the only useful therapist I’ve ever), as well.
If anyone needs to explore the other reasons your dad might act the way he does, it is YOUR DAD . . . and my guess is he’s not an explorer like that!
Kudos to you for making a bold move on your path to total freedom, Zero Impact, whatever that road that we’re on is called . . . .
Hi lisk
Thank you for your kind words 😀 I might be done with therapists as well. We will see what happens. But I am definitely sticking with HG.
These are very easy for me to do, Once I figure out if this man I have known for so many years is your kind. He is rather pissing me off that sooner or later I feel I will wound him with words. As in words that your kind does not like, show him exactly who he is. However, I am unable to tell because he does show a high level of compassion and he is by far shallow he just sulks over sex, and if he is going to sulk he obviously is not acting mature enough to even sleep with a women such as myself women and men alike are to be respected and if it’s one thing that will make me turn quicker then a Georgia peach it will be any kind of disrespect to my person. Are you saying if we say these things your kind will stop sulking, giving silent treatment stop acting like a stranger, never say sorry, need their ass cooed. I mean I already have a teenager I don’t have time for this BS………signed a very pissed Empath if I don’t know what cadre who can also be very emotionless if I have to but really I am not.
Great information. Thank you!
But how does a mid ranger respond to this point: “You are big on emotion, low on substance.” ?
You’ve only mentioned the lesser and the greater.
🦗🦗🦗😄
Hi Esther! I’m guessing that a Mid Ranger would react similarly to the Lesser because they are also unaware of who they are.
Hello MommyPino, I didn’t think of that. Hm, but You’r probably right though. Makes sense. Thank you 😊