The March of the LoveFrauds

THE MARCH OF THE

You died the moment you met me.

My kind are engaged in wholesale slaughter. A daily massacre. Nobody is stopping us either.

These massacres are not literal deaths. No, they way I leave you I believe that you may actually prefer to be dead in order to end the pain. The unrelenting pain and misery that I will inflict on you. What I kill is your confidence, your self-esteem and your sense of worth. I annihilate your finances, obliterate your friendships, shred your sanity and drive an icy cold dagger through your very being. You see, people like you pride yourselves on being honest, decent and understanding. That’s what makes you so attractive to me. That’s what makes the killing all the more complete.

You may think that I am an awful human being and that I revel in the consequences of my behaviour. For some of my kind that is right and for others it is not. Some of my kind have no awareness of what they and believe that what they do just has to be done. Others of my kind know exactly what we do. I am not concerned about how you feel. I have no interest in your reaction to what I do. All I am focussed on is what your emotional reaction does for me.

People are stupid. They need everything to be labelled, to be categorised and pigeonholed. They need great big flashing neon signs telling them what people are as they are too idiotic or lazy to try and work it out for themselves. See the man in a dirty raincoat with unkempt hair that hangs around the children’s playground? He is a child molester. Look over there at the man with a striped shirt and a bag with the word ‘Swag’ on it. He is a burglar. What about the lady in dirty, piss-stained clothes, mumbling to herself and trying to feed the pigeons stones? Oh she is a madwoman. That is what people expect to see. Ask anybody to draw a picture of a murderer and ninety-nine times out of a hundred, they will draw a crazed looking man, dressed in black, carrying a knife or a gun. They won’t sketch their spouse or their relative. Ask a person where they will most find a rapist and they will answer that he will be lurking behind a bush near the subway ready to leap out on some stranger. What they won’t do is point at their boyfriend sat next to them watching television.

And that is where the problem lies. You expect to be able to recognise those that will cause you harm in such an obvious manner. It isn’t like that. There is a reason that those dangerous people are able to hurt in the way that they do. It is because they are all around you. They are sat next to you in your car. They stand with you at the water cooler or in the lift. They talk to you at the school gates or serve you your daily coffee. They permeate society. That is what makes them so effective. The ability to blend in and hide in plain sight. How many times have you heard the neighbour interviewed about the horrific murder of a family by the father, say,

“He always seemed so friendly and happy.”

Or.

“He kept himself to himself.”

Or.

“He was a quiet man. I never thought he had it in him.”

Or my favourite.

“You don’t expect these things to happen here do you? You always think it couldn’t happen here.”

These people appear as innocuous as they are so ordinary and fit with their surroundings. They have masked what lurks beneath. These people, the drug dealers, the killers and the abusers were ordinary. They were themselves and they made no attempt to hide or be different.

This is what makes me so dangerous. I make a conscious attempt to blend in with those around me. I am a shape shifter. I take on the characteristics of my victims, mirroring what they love and enjoy. I become what you want me to be. You have always wanted to meet the successful business owner. I am he. How about the well-read bookish fellow who enjoys the theatre and some amateur dramatics? I can be him as well. You just love people who have travelled extensively? Let me tell you all about my yearlong world tour. Rock nut? Done. Singer? Do re me fah so lah ti do. Family man? No problem. I will morph and twist into these ideal people and in so doing I will slide my tendrils around you with insidious ease and pull you into the full horror of my world.

You are not able to see me coming. I hide behind a thousand masks. The bad people I have described above make no real effort to inveigle their way into your world. They are already there. They are part of your day-to-day life and you are unlucky that you just happened to be near them when they struck. I am completely different. I have come after you. I have marked you out as my prey and circled you, preparing to strike. I engage in subterfuge to further my aims and to enable me to glide in and out of people’s lives with slippery ease. I suddenly appear. Oh, there may be some existing connection admittedly, but that is all part of the preparation. When I actually enter your life I do so in a blaze of deliciously disorientating glory that has you rooted to the spot and gagging for more, such is the addictive nature of my behaviour.

All my work is done before I engage you. That is why your execution takes place the moment we meet. All else that follows is merely your elongated death throes and believe me, do I like to drag them out for the maximum of effect. I even pretend to try and resuscitate you from time to time. That’s just a ruse to enable me to suck more of the life from you. You may regard that as twisted. I don’t care. So long as I am able to feed, that is all that I care about. I must feed. Each and every moment to try and satiate this insatiable hunger that rages inside me. I think that the hunger can be sated but somehow, it never seems to be the case.

Thus my killing goes on and on and on. Victim after victim piling up and the beauty of it all is that I merely slip on another mask and melt away to find another unfortunate. I walk away leaving chaos and destruction in my wake but I never look over my shoulder.

Should you fear me? Absolutely. Sadly, for you, you don’t know what to look for because I do not come into your life bearing a warning. Once I have emotionally slain you, only then might you recognise the danger a second time but of course, by that point the damage is done. Amazingly, some of you come back for more. Incredible isn’t it? Sometimes it is with me or sometimes with another of my kind. The effect is the same however. Another excruciating death.

The beauty of all of this is that nobody can touch me. Those who might try to bring the sanction of criminal penalties against me usually fail. They either won’t do it because they still love me or that somehow they think they can save me and they would rather do that. There are others who are so broken they blame themselves and not me. Others again are so utterly destroyed they do not have the strength to take action. The very few that do not fall at these hurdles soon realise that my innate charm, my myriad of lies and irresistible powers of persuasion mean that actually getting the criminal law to apply to me is nigh on impossible. It is only right. The rules are not meant for me.

All of this means that next to nobody recognises my kind when we first choose you. Why would you? We bear no mark or label. We do not appear as some stereotype. We do not look like abusers but then what do abusers look like? They look like me. Him. Her. That man sat across from you on the train in his suit reading a quality broadsheet. The headmistress who crochets around the clock and is a committed Christian. The abuser looks like the construction worker downing his gallon of beer before weaving his way home. He looks like the quiet neighbour. The shy teenager. The earnest music teacher. The gregarious uncle. Him. Her. Them. You do not see us coming. You had no chance. Society repeatedly fails to identify what we are and how we operate. It downplays what we do with a host of euphemisms and woolly descriptions because people cannot accept that somebody who is so pleasant to them can then be so horrible too. Yet, that is precisely how we operate. Would you trust someone who punched you in the face when they first me you? Of course not. You’d trust him after three years of marriage before the first blow landed though wouldn’t you? You would not trust the fraudster if he stole ten thousand pounds on his first day at work, but after five years of solid and loyal service you would not think twice that he was forging signatures and diverting funds to his personal bank account. Society and people are too ready to apply labels which diminish the impact of what we do and what we are. You can attest to the horrendous damage that we do, you know better than anybody else of the impact that we have and yet you have to listen to people talking about how he is “misunderstood”, “under pressure”, “not normally like that”, “must have been provoked”. These well-intentioned people cause considerable damage as the ignorant apologists for the carnage we unleash.

Now you know what we are, you can identify us with ease. You can now think back to all the people you have interacted with and now you see us as if we have been daubed in bright red paint. Your colleague at work. The “difficult” customer. Your mother. Your brother. That friend who upset you one week and then fawned over you the next. The lovers. The celebrities. The politicians. More and more of us are identified by you and yet still we are able to do what we want and move on to the next unsuspecting victim. Society does not identify us. Society does not understand what we are. Society is utterly ineffective in tackling us. Our numbers are growing and our devastating impact on the lives of all those we entangle (and it is never just the one person is it) grows but what is being done? Do the politicians know us (save when they look in the mirror)? Do the police officers understand what we are? The nurses? The social workers? The judges? The court appointed psychiatrist? The jury? The neighbours? The teachers? The local government officials? All those who might be able to do something to address what we are rarely know what we are leading to greater frustration for you and the continued advancement of our agendas.

Nobody is stopping us.

What are you going to do about it?

 

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16 Comments

  1. HG. As long as I have been here on this blog you would think nothing would effect me. But this scared the shit out of me. I read it 3 times and WOW!

  2. The only thing we can do about is read your work,educate ourselves and try and reduce our emotional thinking. Thank god you came along HG

  3. I’ve been apart from the Narc since last of June, 2019. Nine days ago, I checked him for ghosting me and bread-crumbing. Rest assured that I got a tongue lashing for that, I answered the tongue lasting pointed out that his overreacting was at best un-gracious as this is a valid point of discussion. And I told him, I am glad this is over. Good bye. I haven’t seen or messaged him or looked around social media. But I am seeing how all that is in your article addresses the trauma bond withdrawals. It is like you said, I am logically certain of the toxicity but the attraction section, the emotions are firing like crazy. I realize too, HG, that I’ve probably been in the trauma bond all my life, with my mother and a string of Narc husbands. I had never run into one like this, greater is something else. It’s so like being a little girl, always bad with him. His tactics are the same as my mom. So do you think the trauma bond is a future fuel for your kind? Really powerful article. .

  4. Hmmm, holiday concert today. March of the Love Frauds is not on the program, in favor of wooden soldiers. 🤔

  5. Well done. Thank you for this. So many don’t get it. Now I do. You far surpass the other “Narcissist experts” with your explanations and writings.

  6. I’m spreading the news whenever I can in a calm and direct manner. This is Another hum dinger of an essay- right on target. One to get the novices thinking!
    Your site visit numbers keep climbing too HG!! Going to cross 17M soon. Congratulations !

    Maybe at some point those lines in the graph will cross (# of narc vs # of informed citizens who have had enough and are drinking at the well of HG Tudor.

  7. This reminds me of a true crime story I saw on ID, investigation discovery channel. A wife and mother abused her children and then she ended up killing the babysitter. I forget what happened to the husband. Anyway at the end they said she had been diagnosed with NPD. What really surprised me was she was a nurse. I never thought a narcissist would have any interest in being a nurse.

    1. Think about the power you’d have over helpless patients. Some nurses kill, some revive patients they made sicker so they can play hero.

      And then there are nursing homes: “Mr. Altscheiss, isn’t it possible you were dreaming? I know you BELIEVE this happened.” Think of the gaslighting.

      1. Hi Violetta
        I never thought of it that way. Reading your comment about nursing homes made me think back to when I was doing clinicals for my CNA class and we worked in a nursing home for a week. The CNAs working at the home were so mean to the patients. They were pushy, bossy and treated the patients like children. It was hard to watch, they were shoving food down their throats. I couldn’t wait to get out of there. Elderly people deserve so much better. At another facility my client, who had dementia, was denied a snack because as the nurse told her “you just had lunch,”.I know working with the elderly is difficult but once you lose compassion you need to leave, in my opinion. So yes I can definitely see how this kind of control would be attractive to a narcissist.

  8. You have many great points here HG! And a wonderful call to action. We’ve lived that life… who better to carry a shield and sword and battle this growing threat. Narcissism breeds narcissism… and the numbers are growing. But, it is a difficult battle because of the points that you made. People want easy solutions, They slap labels on innocents because they are “different” and idolize those who pose the most threat… because they fit in so well.

    I have always made the effort to work out who someone is on my own… and not use societies labels. But I did not know what some behavior and words truly meant. The concept of a narcissist was foreign to me. Now that you have shown me the true meaning of those things HG, I can more accurately understand those that I interact with.

    Thank you HG for the tools. And thanks to all of y’all in this community who support each other and want to spread this wisdom to the world.

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