Wounded Creature
I would never hurt an animal, not intentionally. I am an expert marksman but I would never shoot a live animal. I am not fond of animals, I have never kept a pet and I never will. Caring for or hurting an animal has no interest for me. I should imagine that has taken a few of you by surprise. I should imagine that you saw the picture of this fox with his cast and thought, “This is where he shows more of his sadism by revealing that he tortured guinea pigs when he was a child or shot at birds in the garden with an air rifle.” I am pleased to disappoint you. That never happened. I am well aware that hurting animals may be a sign of no conscience but it does not follow that a lack of conscience means that you will hurt animals. I know that certain individuals obtain an emotional gratification by hurting an animal as this is about exhibiting the ultimate control. I regard those that engage in that type of behaviour as low-functioning epsilon semi-morons. An animal cannot answer you back, it cannot tell you things or say the wrong thing. I do think that animals display certain self-centred narcissistic tendencies, feed me, wash me, stroke me, play with me, walk me, clean my living space and so on. They require a lot of attention and that is why I cannot countenance ever having one as a pet. I suspect that is the reason why I have never hurt one.
No, my ire exists for the wounded creature, the pathetic person that is weak. I do not like babies because they are weak and absorb attention away from me. I do not like the elderly, they are weak and they absorb attention away from me with all the help they need. I also want no reminder of how mortality fades and they are the spectres hovering at the end, reminding us that the reaper’s scythe is nearing. I do not like the ill, they are weak and they absorb attention away from me. I think you are getting the picture now. I know you empathic people reach out to these people and that society dictates that these groups should be cared for. That does not resonate with me. They infuriate me. I would rather they disappeared and did not distract from my purpose. Should they come within my reach they find themselves subjected to my irritation and displeasure which results in me lashing out with acidic tongue and savage words at them in order to exhibit my annoyance. I know you regard that as wrong but I am just being honest. It is what I feel. Now you know why my kind ditches you for a younger model, pays no interest to the birth of our child and why our kind always vanishes when you are ill or injured and in need of care. We have no desire to be reminded of weakness, not when it threatens us from inside on a daily basis.
83 thoughts on “Wounded Creature”
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I don’t think anyone wants to get old. I just assume be good to your elders because I hope someone would be good to me when I am old. May be a more narcissistic approach of looking at it could be to look at the spunky elderly person who still got all their wits about them… or still can do things that people half their age cannot do. And imagine all of the things they have lived through and seen that you may have never or will never experience. So to hear them tell their stories is fascinating. Character trait acquisition? Old people are awesome. Even when they aren’t they still are.
In a recent live, you were asked if you had any pets growing up. Your answer was ‘No, but my siblings did, not that it helped them any’
Can you please elaborate? Not quite sure what you meant.
Thanks
My siblings had pets, if do did not help my siblings in any way.
Dear HG,
You wrote, “We have no desire to be reminded of weakness, not when it threatens us from the inside on a daily basis ” You speak of the creature and I can’t help,but feel sadness for you, because I can imagine what that feels like. I doubt my own capabilities at times and I get this nagging thought that I’ll screw it up, that it’s defective because I did it, created it, worked on it…I imagine the creature being 10x worse than that nagging self doubting that I experience. I’m stubborn and despite what my nagging thoughts say, I do it any way and usually it turns out just fine. You’re more than capable of doing whatever you want to do, I tell myself that too, and pay no mind to what the creature says. What does it know? It’s in a cage, it knows not a damn thing. Xx
Poppycock
🙂 Most people do not get it: The wounded creature, the wounded fox is you…
There is an interesting film out now about a soldier and a wounded fox:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6gaJ3nPRcPI
Dear HG,
according to me because of your ability to feel wounded, to feel emotional pain you are a human being. Otherwise, as a pure psychopath, you would only be a human creature.
Feeling emotional pain can be the entrance to a transformation and to a new dimension. Perhaps in the past it was not possible to change for a narcissist but now it is. Be courageous and let pain be your Master for your development to become more and more human.
Thank you so much for being a mirror for me for my dark sides and all the shades and colours towards the bright side. And for helping me to understand my wounded parts.
I wish I can be the same to you.
Much love & light
Grace
Indeed, Narcissus’ emotional wounds are always as wide as the Pacific Ocean. And his emotional pain surpasses Mount Everest.
Of course. Because it’s about himself. Only.
—
Animals – most often they hurt them, wanting to hurt human. Animals are just a tool.
Cowards. They can’t even aim straight.
Dear Mr Tudor,
I remember when we had our second child, I mentioned it to a police officer friend …. his reply was ‘it’s got two arms n two legs right ? …… ummm yes …”good, then I don’t need to see it !” 😂
I can totally understand this article from your perspective, I saw it from the weasel, even our greater has never been interested in his kids or animals ….. unless it’s to brag ! My pretentious self centered deceased uncle used to say to my mum “can’t you shut those kids up” when we would cry as youngsters
It’s good to know you don’t harm animals, thank you
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
I think that’s a picture of a fox cub. Is that intentional?
Foxes are one of the few animals that kill for pleasure. They will kill a whole farmyard of chickens for sport and eat only one. Mink, similar story but with no natural predator.
Just saying, he might have a cute pink cast on his paw but he isn’t fooling me with the old big brown eyes routine!
Probably a narc fox.
Truthseeker,
Interesting. I had not heard that with regard to foxes before. I had heard about surplus killing with regard to other predators, wolves and such, but that it has a different motivation than pleasure.
I adore foxes. When I lived in the middle of the woods, for a time, everybody warned me not to let my cat loose as he would be killed by foxes. My cat was an “indoor” cat but he was allowed access to the outdoors on a leash. (In fact, as a kitten, I would put a harness on him and take him for walks like a dog.)
Anyway, one day he got loose in the woods, and he must have had a grand old time because, after that it was hard to keep him indoors. One time, specifically after returning from a grocery run, a familiar fox (that I had seen on the property many times before) came running past and, close in pursuit after him, followed my cat.
They had been observed by a neighbour going in the opposite direct with the fox chasing my cat. I was concerned that my cat had been loose (didn’t know he had got out), so I quickly picked him up and put him inside.
For two days following that, the fox would show up, yipping and yapping, at my cat, through the sunroom windows. And my cat would appear to stare forlornly back at him through the glass. It appeared that they had become playmates and missed each other’s company – at least the fox appear to miss it.
Foxes are such curious, endearing creatures, in my opinion.
Who Cares,
I think with many animals it depends how hungry they are as to what motivates behaviour. One day a young fox might play with your cat, the next they might make a game of killing it for fun. Foxes are actually quite big, sounds like that one might have been an older cub.
A while back I looked into the arguments pro and against fox hunting. I’m against, obviously, but I did find numerous images of whole yards of chickens killed and only one taken. My dad, the gentlest empath you could ever meet, a country boy, has told me the same, “nasty creatures, kill for sport,” is what he would say about foxes. He still would never condone fox hunting.
You hear of all kinds of animals that can be tamed in specific circumstances, but on the whole, foxes are bad news. Trust me on this one, keep your cat away from it. Xx If it keeps visiting, you can buy fox repellent that you spray around your yard boundary to stop it coming in.
The animal I encountered in the US that bothered me most was the coyote. I was followed by a scout once whilst walking my dog, and could see the rest of the pack moving at the edge of the forest further up the hill. I decided to stay walking, instinct is often to chase, but I was very tempted to run with the dog.
Coyotes will hunt horses. But they are wary of donkeys. The horses run away and the coyote pack chase and jump on their backs. The donkey stands it’s ground and kicks them with its back legs. Kills them stone dead. That’s why in TN all horse owners keep a donkey in the field with the horses. Animals are interesting, I’m a real animal lover too. Killing for food is the balance of things. Killing for sport I struggle with.
TS,
Thank-you for your concern and advice. You didn’t know but my story was from years ago. My cat died a few summers ago, although I do like to imagine him playing with foxes in the field where he is buried.
I think my cat was in more danger from my narc than from his fox friend. Pretty sure my ex would allow the cat to escape outside so I would have the stress of searching for him.
Interesting insight into coyotes – I had no idea they would attempt to take on a horse. My experience with coyotes has been in cities and they like to hang out at the city dumps.
That’s cool, regarding donkeys. I like donkeys too – they also make me smile, along with foxes and baby goats.
TS, the same can be done by wolves, bears, cats, ravens. Many, many animals. Foxes are no different from other predators.
The fox is a cute mix of cat and dog 🙂
Dearest Truthseeker and Who Cares,
Foxes used to go for mum’s chooks, she’d be out there running after the fox and making them drop the chook ….. I was under the impression foxes kill surplus to bury it for later
She had sheds to keep the chooks n sheep in at night
She would put up balloons n birthday banners when one of the animals had a birthday 🎈and take photos
She would also keep sheep in the house for a few nights after lambing and sleep in the same room with them
When a fire threatened her property once …. fireman told her to go …she stayed with the animals
My mother LIVES ONLY for her cats now …… she tells me frequently ‘ I would die if I didn’t have my cats, my cats are my life, my cats are everything to me’
Not one word about me or her grandchildren
Always gotta watch out for those cute furry creatures, they’re always the ones to bite the hand that feeds them …..looks can be deceiving !
I’m strongly against taming wild animals just for fun or having them as pets, hence I’m against elephant rides, circuses, zoos n monkey parks with tourist interaction
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Hi Bubbles,
Do you think she stayed with the animals to gain sympathy from the fire department? Expecting them to allow special dispensation? Protect her and the house as she refused to evacuate?
And,
Do you think she calls her animals her life, purely to gain fuel from your hurt reaction?
Sleeping with the lambs is interesting. It looks like a genuine desire to watch over them. But could it be triangulation? Or even, return on investment?
It’s horrible that I analyse everything now, but I’m starting to. I analysed pre narc, but I’m far worse now. Worse, better, depends which way you look at it I suppose.
Dearest Truthseeker,
I have forever questioned and analysed my mum on everything and like you, I now do it with everyone
My mum has always been described as eccentric or unusual to say the least, by most
I think she stayed to protect the animals for various reasons, definitely for attention and to triangulate with me and my stepdad, having burly firefighters fuss over her as well would just pump her narcy little heart even faster ….. haha
She knew my step dad would fret, as he had gone out for the day and wasn’t allowed back home cos of the fire
Mum was an extremely glamorous and attractive woman, men would lust after her, she had them grovelling at her feet ! I lost count of the men in her life as I was growing up!
She seemed to possess a certain power over men
Sleeping with the animals makes her look a good n caring person overall ….she’d brag about it
The investment return was helpful but not paramount
She has all n sundry believing we have the best mother n daughter relationship ever !
Being as she’s nearly 90, small n frail looking, she gets the sympathy vote all round
I try not to ‘react’ to mum very much, she’s really extremely frustrating to be around
I leave Mr Bubbles to trip down memory lane with her …. haha…even he hasn’t figured her out, never will
She never brought a cat into the house when we were kids, I did ! I was the animal lover! They just can’t help but try to ‘override’ you on everything and I mean everything
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Bubbles,
Thank you for the extra information. Your mum sounds like a real character and you seem to have found a healthy way of not letting her get to you anymore. Mr Bubbles likely takes her with a pinch of salt, he always makes me smile when you mention him.
I imagine he is quite a character himself, just in a good way.!
Dearest Truthseeker,
My mum is very unique indeed
She sees herself as a witch, she casts spells and always seeks guidance from her spirit guides, she chats to them frequently
She’s extremely self absorbed and blames the male species for everything
Mr Bubbles only gets a reprieve because he helps in her garden and fixes things
She only ‘likes’ our first born macho son because of his name and the fact he has a motorbike (because she had a motorbike once)
Mr Bubbles is full of it ……lots of information that is 😂 he can converse on the most unexpected trivia and comes out with random Bon Bon cracker jokes…… he’s a real hoot !
He is a very polite gentleman and looks the part, quite dapper, always the best dressed man in the room, very much the quiet achiever
We keep each other on our toes with spontenaity …. works well for us, but as we all know I’m the crazy one 🤣
He takes things with a pinch of salt and I’m his pepper 🌶
😂
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Dearest Truthseeker,
I did a lengthy reply to you, however, knowing me, I probably exited instead of posting it, not the first time that’s happened 😂
Mr Bubbles n I make a really good team ….as long as I’m the boss ! 🤣
No seriously, he’s a true gentleman and looks the part, (always the best dressed man in the room) we compliment each other every day and focus on the positive
We hug, we dance at home. we have dates
We just got back from holidays visiting wineries together
Mr Bubbles is always full of tidbits, very much a people person ! We’re a classic duo 😂
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Bubbles,
Just saw this, both of them in fact 🙂 Thank you for your messages. It’s funny, I never imagined a narcissist in a spiritual guise before now. Chatting to spirit guides and similar. Thinking about it, there’s no reason why not, just didn’t imagine it!
The picture I always get of Mr Bubbles is very much how you just described. Silver haired, well dressed, dapper, always with a clean handkerchief. I picture you both in a cottage, flowers in the garden, warm, cosy. Ha ha. Funny how our minds work.
Sounds like your mum misses the time when heads turned as she walked in the room. She likely traded on her sexuality, not in a sleep around way, just the power that that would bring. It’s an interesting story you have. Narcs really do show up in all places and in all guises don’t they?
I love the fact you and Mr Bubbles date still. You have managed to keep the ‘couple’ side of the relationship whilst raising a family. That’s tough to do. Please tell Mr Bubbles he has a fan in the UK who sends him a hug! Xx
Bubbles,
“I was under the impression foxes kill surplus to bury it for later” – I was under the same impression.
I enjoy the stories about your mum.
“She would put up balloons n birthday banners when one of the animals had a birthday 🎈and take photos”
Bet she used those photos as proof of how much she “cared” – and how much she did – for her animals.
Dearest Who Cares,
She used to blow dry the sheep with the hairdryer when they fell in the dam 🤣
Luv Bubbles 😘
Thank-you Bubbles. That is actually a pretty funny image in my head.
HG, can I ask, is it possible to be a narcissist, but still show a fondness for animals, and cry when a pet dies? Or would this mean that the person is more likely to just be narcissistic, rather than a full-blown narcissist?
A narcissist can do so. It is Triangulation and a Pity Play.
Thanks, HG. Can a narcissist genuinely ever be truly fond of animals though? For example, as a child?
No. Fondness is based on emotional empathy, we have none.
Ok, thanks. It’s the one sticking point; the person I am talking about exhibits so many of the narcissistic behaviours, and follows the pattern laid out in the 3 Assertions of Control to a T, so the animal thing baffles me. I suppose they may just be strongly narcissistic, or it could be that I need to revisit my perception of fondness – how do I know if someone really is ‘fond’ of someone or something else, given the potential facade?
Hg,
Do narcissists own pets when they live alone?
Yes.
oh, damn. Poor pets.
Dearest Why me?
Yes, my mum overfeeds her cats ….. one is already over 5 kgs!
I’ve written instructions and portion sizes and tell her everyday ……good way to get more fuel from me !
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Do narcissists get fuel from pets or is it only how they use them in relation to other people?
A friend I used to have who I suspect is a narc has pets and appeared to give them good care
No. They are used to gain fuel from others.
HG,
You answered this differently in one of your YouTube “Ask HG” episodes.
You said that narcissists do gain some fuel from – I believe you said – the cries of animals as a result of the Narc’s actions.
It stood out to me because it was first time you had ever said so. Although, I cannot remember which episode.
An animal just making a sound or behaving in a particular way does not provide us with fuel. An animal which responds as a consequence of the behaviour of the narcissist provides fuel as mentioned in the video.
Thank-you for clarifying HG.
But could it be a sort of entertainment. I imagine narcs ride horses. Animals like sports can be fun. On the dark side there are narcs into dog fighting. Each participant must be a narc and sadist. Etc… My narc mother in law fed a neighbors cat and made it her own. Even renamed it. I think she enjoys that.
Witch,
“A friend I used to have who I suspect is a narc has pets and appeared to give them good care”
With the exception of my ex all the narcissists in my life have an element of “animal lover” in their facade. A Mid-ranger will, on the surface, take care of their animals (just like children), feeding them quality food, walk them (or have them walked by someone else), send them to the groomer, vet care etc. It is an extremely believable aspect of the facade.
@whocares
Yes, I see how animals can be used as part of the facade.
My ex narc used to like animals, specifically dogs.
And he dragged out the hurt when I laughed after he said his dog died of a heart attack.. I only laughed because my brain started imagining a dog clutching his chest. I love animals but my mind still went there. I can’t remember what was said now but I know got a good telling off
Witch,
I can see how he would lay the pity play on thick after you laughed – I guess would challenge fuel?
I have been watching closely the behaviour of some animal enthusiasts during this pandemic.
The hill where I take my son sledding is beside his school and frequented by a number of children. Occasionally it can get very busy. More than once I’ve encountered dog owners who approach the sledding hill (with the intent to let their dog off leash and run around) and ask if my child is afraid of dogs or yells out, in general, if the children are afraid of dogs.
It’s a SLEDDING hill. And the land around the school is more than ample for the dog to run on the OTHER side of the building. Plus, there some lovely woods and trails behind the school.
It looks performative as if, by the asking, they CARE about the children. But if they really did they would take the dog to the other end of the school yard. And also not expose their dog to the possibility of being run over by a tobaggan.
I usually counter this when questioned “Is your child afraid of dogs?” with “No, he isn’t afraid of dogs but does your dog like to chase moving objects?”
They usually move along.
*toboggan
@whocares
Definitely challenge fuel. The dog didn’t even die recently but years ago when he was a child. When I laughed he lost his shit and was milking the teat for all it’s worth.
The worst thing is he brought up the story again in front of friends and it wasn’t like “oh yeah i loved that dog” casually in passing.
He put on some sappy face and was like “yeah… I had a lovely dog called Alice… and she had a heat attack.. in front of all of us ..”
And I was thinking this guy is dragging it!!! He’s dragging it… 🤣🤣🤣
Enough!
Narcs with dogs are the worst. We had a narc family for neighbours and they were racist and they would always open the door wide so their dog would escape and and chase the kids
So my mum ended up narc clashing with one of the sons and he was like “my dog deserves to be here more than you”
Lloooll
But I like your question for the dog owners because it makes them look stupid
Witch,
“But I like your question for the dog owners because it makes them look stupid”
Thanks. Sometimes I feel like a bit of a bitch saying it (but I don’t say it in a bitchy way). It just makes sense though. If you possess accountability, you don’t insert yourself – and your loose dog – in a gaggle of kids on a hill. So if it offends the dog owner, oh well, if they’re a normal or Empath they will likely move. If they are a Narcissist, they will either respond back negatively or they will move on (cold fury). And if they were to snap back, it would make them look stupid and entitled – and it would be easy to point that out.
I love dogs. The dogs should have spaced to play and run too. Just in a safe manner for all in the general area – dogs included.
@whocares
I love dogs too but wouldn’t have one because they are too needy and that doesn’t work with my lifestyle. That’s why I have reptiles because most of them doesn’t give a shit if you’re there or not
Witch,
I see your reasoning re: the lifestyle issue…I just don’t think I could warm up to lizard, personally.
@whocares
Reptiles are definitely not for everyone especially if you’re looking for a pet that is guaranteed to love you back. There are certain species that are more likely to be affectionate like the green iguana, rhino iguana and tegu, but they need a lot space.
I have a bearded dragon which is a commonly kept pet reptile and they are said to be more handliable but not in my experience. Mine doesn’t like to be touched, however I still touch him a little and give him a kiss here and there. Right now I’m trying to train him to come to me when his name is called using insects that he eats.
The main fun thing about keeping them is doing up their enclosures and observing their natural behaviours. My snakes enclosure has real plants, soil, springtails and woodlice in there. he can be quite interesting to watch.
It was funny when my lizard was horny and started humping everywhere but it looked like he was having a fit so I picked him up to check and saw his little ding ding poking out so I put him back and left him to it
Witch,
That’s actually useful information if my son ever has his heart set on a lizard! I have a hard time justifying the level of up keep with the lack of huggableness (new word?!).
Sounds like you really love your lizards and take good care of them.
@whocares
I understand, it’s work for potentially a lack of mutual love.
I just defend reptiles because they are not as bad as people assume them to be. In fact there are cats who are more evil than some reptiles.
In the wild most reptiles are not the king of the jungle and are prey to large birds and other reptiles which are larger than they are, wild dogs etc. So they experience fear as one of their primary emotions and therefore are cautious with people because you are potentially a predator to them. And although some are incapable of bonding with their owners, they do get stressed out by change. So being uprooted and moved to different households with different people does cause them stress.
so if at any point you do get a lizard for your son, just be prepared to take it on yourself if your son ever loses interest, otherwise I wouldn’t get one for a child.
Also don’t take what pet shop owners say as gospel because a lot of them know very little about the animals the sell. I learnt what I know from experienced keepers and herpetologists in Facebook groups.
Someone I know got sold a turtle like it was nothing and wasn’t told that they need a heat lamp, UVB and a large tank and can live for a long time in the right conditions. Now this upset me because many reptiles can suffer from metabolic bone disease If they are not able to bask under UVB and are not fed the right diet, in which they will become deformed and experience a great deal of pain.
Interestingly, one of the narcs I encountered (just wrote about him on another thread today) liked both dogs and cats and kept them as pets. He often talked about how well he cared for them but I don’t know as I have never seen it. He kinda described his animals as a connection of himself, almost like part of himself, to me excessively. I’ve also read a lot that many people who are into dogs like them because it can be one of the easiest forms to exercise power and dominance (being pack animals), also neglect/abuse when they want to take it out on someone. There are also all the stories about vicious animals (usually certain breeds) raised and trained directly to be aggressive and used as status symbols and a weapon. Wouldn’t a Lesser narc be attracted to that? To me, it would make sense if they were.
I think there are many ways one can be attracted to those in need, empathy is one but exercising power and superiority, extracting adoration and submissiveness can also be just as strong and abundant. Think about many doctors, especially some in high-status positions. Many have great expertise and are incredibly useful with their technical skills and knowledge, they save lives but have horrible bedside manners and dislike talking with patients and their families. Also all the stories where doctors take advantage of vulnerable patients, e.g. sexually. They risk their license with it but somehow don’t seem to care. They frequently use their profession primarily to collect fuel, both from patients and colleagues. They make living from caring for wounded creatures but the primary motive is not helping at all. And I think many are not aware of what they truly do it for. I think being a doctor can also be the best playground for narcissists, especially certain specialties.
The very first glimpse I had of my narc’s true nature was in his treatment of his pets.
He was a cat person, had a few. I related to that; I’m a cat person (dogs are slobbery morons…sorry not sorry lol). My narc, up til that point (and mind you, he was my then-husband’s boss, at that time), had been the nicest of nice. Super mild-mannered and pleasant. Well he had us over at his house and he happened to be watching someone’s dogs for them. He shows us into his house like the perfect host and next thing I know, I hear him shouting harsh obscenities at the dogs because they were barking loudly and being boisterous (excited for guests, I guess) as he herded them into their crates. It was such a shockingly stark contrast to the placid demeanor I always saw.
The was my very first indication, and I watched him in a new light after that; warily. And with interest.
Oh, I have forgotten about his minimal interactions with my cat! (am recalling entanglement from over two years ago, the times he showed no empathy when I expected empathy came back to me first). I got the cat when I was about midway through devaluation (my deval, with respites, lasted about 7-8 months). I had not had a cat for almost two years as it took me that long to get over the death of my previous one who had died (put down at age 18) after being with me since it was one. Ex’s attitude to my current cat was either indifference sometimes accompanied by a facade maintaining pat or irritation if cat spoke/meowed. He seemed to dislike dogs more than cats though. Some of his inner circle had pets. Very occasionally (apart from the house sitting mentioned) I was present when he was in a room with one of these friends’ cats or dogs – indifference or irritation when someone was paying attention to the animal. Something more than simple disinterest. Post disengagement when I first found and subsequently spied on his instagram account I discovered that he would often ‘like’ his inner circle’s pet photos. I even found a picture of my current cat that had earned him a few likes. Looks and smells like facade maintenance in accord with my current education here at Narc Site.
This has made me remember another detail about exsusN. I saw him in only two situations where animals were involved, outside of his work which involved scientific research with reptiles and other non-mammal species (now realising this line of work may be significant actually). The first was when he was obliged to look after a friend’s dog whilst house sitting. The second was when he and I came across an animal that was suffering in great pain. In situation one, the only emotion he showed was irritation as he carried out the necessary care – feeding, watering and occasionally walking. He recoiled from the dog’s slavish attentions and I sensed some anger being held at bay. I felt sorry for the dog and saw it picking up confusedly on the ex’s distaste. In situation two, I was visibly upset and wanting the ex’s assistance and advice on how to help the animal (this was an animal we came across whilst bush walking when on a hoilday – do not want to go into more details here), I wanted to end this animal’s suffering or take it somewhere to be helped. The ex only appeared to be angry at my reaction, and there were elements of contempt, I felt a coldness in him. What was not there was any empathy for this poor animal. The contemptuous attitude towards me lasted for quite some time after the incident and affected our subsequent interactions, for e.g. I was given present silent treatments in the car on the way back to town.
My lizard is pretty much a psychopath. He doesn’t like to be touched by any dusty human peasant and he will reject you every time, until he is overpowered and then he just accepts it because you’re bigger than him.
He uses me for food, to clean up his poop and to let him back in and out of his enclosure
I love animals but i have to admit being very partial to dogs and cats. Ive had fish and birds and altho i feel empathy for them i dont feel a huge connection. That said one thing that disgusts me the most in life are people that harm animals! I grew up with a dad that had not only no regard for animals but a sadistic streak where he abused our dog. I compartmentalized a lot of it and its only the past few years i remember it occuring. Its absolutely disgusting and im surprised i even talk to him.
Ive got a deep bond with my furbaby and shes been my angel on earth. I treat her like a little princess the way our dog growing up shouldve been treated.
I dont judge those that arent animal or pet people bc i feel that way towards certain animals but i do judge those that harm animals intentionally.
I don’t judge people who are not animal or pet people but I honestly can’t understand it. Especially if they’re empaths. Domesticated animals depend on us for everything just as babies do, and even though I had no feeling toward having my own child, I cannot imagine not having feelings for them, wanting to protect them, and more than that – wanting them to thrive and to live a great life. When I look at a live animal I see it as having the same characteristics as a baby and I want to nurture it. I have always wondered if people who have babies or children truly have the same feelings for other peoples babies/children, or if it is just cognitive (although I understand they are stronger for their own). I feel stronger empathy for animals actually because they have no voice and see even ignoring them as abuse because I was ignored as a child and had no voice, so I can’t imagine inflicting that on any living thing much less abuse. I’ve always wondered if for the person who has no regard for animals but does for the baby, if it goes back to something primeval and the baby is valued because it is felt as an extension of the parent. That their DNA dictates care and concern for survival of their bloodline but that an animal is still viewed as utilitarian (food and clothing). I just see both children and animals depend on us in the same way so I see them as equal in needing my care. I look into an animals eyes and I see something living that is trying to convey to me what it needs and feels and I cannot turn away.
Hi narcangel…ty for your reply and thoughts. Thats an interesting question you posed about whether we could feel the same empathy and concern over other peoples children. I think its so individual. Speaking for myself im overprotective with my children to the point its held them back in different areas. I wont get into that but i find myself anxious around other peoples children when i see them in potential dangerous situations so on that level i do feel concern over others children. I feel empathy as well when i see children not being treated right. I do know you can love other peoples children as your own. Quite a few of my childrens friends i feel a bond with and care for very much! One friend of my sons is no longer his friend for different reasons and i do worry about him and hope he does well in life.
Flipping back to animals i have to say i do find animals easier in many respects to connect with fully. It sounds horrible but its true. Theres not the hangups involved that are with people. I love my children and share a deep bond with them but especially in the teen years i find it way easier to be affectionate and close to my pet than with them. I show them love and affection but they are in that stage of independance and at times defiance as well as attitude. Animals are easier to be close to imo.
I think it varys so much from person to person and doesnt make them a bad person per say. The abusing of a person or animal is what is.
Getting back to pets. Ive had guilt over past pets i lost interest in as a child and adult namely fish and birds. Ive not kept up with their proper care and as a result they didnt do as well. As an adult i no longer will have those types of animals bc they seem more a burden and deserve a home where theyre appreciated and have the dedication.
i have no way to prove it and it may be just my interpretation, but i am sure that animals do have more feelings than most people think, my consin’s dog displays happiness, sadness, desapointment, shame and many other feelings.
and i remember a cat i played with when i go to our family house, she was always conforting me whenever i cry, and when she had little kittens, i was even granted special access to them because we are friends.
Hi liza…animals are very intuitive and feel great emotion! I think it depends on the species as to the extent but im not an expert in that area lol
I notice with my dog she senses many things like when theres stress, unhappiness, sickness and change. Before a trip she gets very clingy bc shes afraid of being left behind. When a family member is missing she is agitated. When someones sad she will lick their eyes and be very clingy with them. Its so sweet! They feel emotions very deeply. If they are in trouble or did something wrong they know that too!
The cats ive had feel emotion too and can be comforting but i think like humans its very individual as to the extent. Some cats have been more narcissistic and ive not seen as much emotion or closeness. Each animal varies in their degree of emotional capacity but they do feel deeply.
NA—if I could I’d have more critters. I’m on overload now. I want a bichon so bad I could scream. I used to dabble in French Ring sport with a Belgian Malinois—I like “real” dogs too & dabbled in sport as well with GSD’s. I just don’t have the set up to care for a large dog that can be harmful. (Of course not all do hurt people but my former Malinois would have seriously hurt anyone and the liability was immense)
Mark Keating (easy google) is the best trainer by far I ever observed or attended a seminar by etc.. He knows animal behavior like HG knows people behavior. He has paired up with Ed Frawley who merely markets products well. Ed is not a masterful trainer but a businessman. If you ever get another dog and find behavior perplexing or even just interesting explore Mark’s work. He raises poodles and “tough” dogs! He is a cool guy too—a musician.
HG, I am so grateful you would never hurt an animal, you have my respect and gratitude. Thank you again for this post as it exposes many important points regarding the N perspective. With regard to “weakness” I can assure you that even if you should encounter illness or injury, you will remain ever as strong as you are now. No aging nor infirmness will impact you, but since it is important to you, I am happy for you that you are so resilient. May you always be.
I love animals. That’s LOVE animals. But when my new little fluff ball won’t stop barking in the middle of the night, I tell my man that I’d be back; I’m going to go kill Harry. And when my herding dog tries to make the horses run when they are tied for grooming, I want to just take him to the pound, which would be as effective as killing him. One of them peed on the carpet again, the little fucker.
But they saved my life when the narc left me in the worst emotional pain I’ve experienced since my mom died. He went to live with his mother, who has no ability to set limits for the men in her life and who expected nothing from him other than that he show up for meals. Meanwhile I had to continue taking care of all of our creatures and work and pay all the bills and manage my tenants with the worst emotional pain that never eased.
I did it. I even made my place grow. I am a singular woman. The asshole who tried to hijack it is also the one who revealed it. May every narc fail so fantastically in their endeavors.
It isn’t a requirement to live animals. It doesn’t make you a bar person. They are work and trouble, and if you haven’t got it to give them, no big deal. Don’t beat yourself up about it.
Sending love to you, HG. Thank you for what you do with this blog.
Short, Sharp and to the point. This explains so much to me. My Ex Narc of 9 weeks is recently ignoring hes Mother. She has Cancer. Shes had an operation, Chemio Radio, the whole thing. He says he adores her. He doesnt visit, doesnt call, he intentionally ignores her and stays away. How perverted is that! I only recently am learning about Narcism. You have a fascinating Blog Mr Tudor. I’m new here and so nice to meet you. You fascinate me to🖤I think I should go No contact with my Ex but I’m not ready. ( we had a 13 year relashionship) I find this all to black and fascinating. I proceed to watch and observe my Ex. I sometimes put him in specific situations to observe how he Narcissisticly reacts. He is my real life guinea pig for me to test and learn from hes reactions and I admit I get a subtle satisfaction from doing so.You’d call it fuel I’m sure. Surely from learning and understanding, capacitates me to manage my empathy and this affords me protection in the future from other Narcissistic Individuals.I just hope I dont get to burnt in the process. Well done and congratulations and thanks so much to insight into Narcissistic Minds.🖤
Hello Nicola and welcome to the blog. You are always ready to go no contact, it is your emotional thinking which tries to make you believe you are not ready. Keep reading here and consult with me and you will find freedom.
Hello Nicola, Please consider purchasing the Zero Impact package from HG. You would greatly benefit from this right away. Wishing you the best.
Thank you FYC, I shall do so.I dont have any of HG’s books and I was actually wondering which ones to purchase.
HG advised Manipulated, Fury, Fuel, Evil and Sex and the Narcissist the other day Nicola.
Those are excellent book suggestions. Zero Impact is not a book, it can be found on the menu bar under Assistance Packages.
Hi Nicola, your learning can help you to stay escaped and stick to no contact. You can’t manage your empathy in my opinion. It is as instinctive to you as his narcissism is to him.
– You can pretend his behaviour doesn’t hurt you because you understand it better
– You can try to play him at his own game and pretend that you are learning something from it
– You can try to explain your new knowledge to him, so he’ll behave better or you’ll at least have had your say
-You can pretend you’re over him and not still addicted, even though you won’t give him up all together.
OR???? You can GOSO and start to manage your addiction to him and become free from him. It’s a long old road. Sooner you start, further you’ll get.
Best wishes x
Hello Notme, your correct on all points plus one onther. As I educate myself on NPD the more time I do spend with my Ex I realise how just UNPLEASANT hes becoming to me.Ince you know your with a Narcissist you just cant ignore it.Idont enjoy the time we spend togeather even though I do sometimes want it. He does appear out of the blue without invite,one if hes favorite tactics (Hoover atrempt) and I just feel rage and rejection and a general yuckiness towards him. I just dont like him anymore. Another reason I’ve not gone no contact is he has a car of mine and he owes me money, both hes promised to give back before 2020. Haha yes I know, false promise? Anyway I’m playing along with him rather than standing straight up to him to avoid bringing hes nastiest side out. Hopefully everything will work out and I just feel myself becoming stronger learning from him during this period.Thanks for your comment❤
HG 💙 My friend said if no one was around, the UMR Somatic would have shot the barking dog. She caught him looking at the dog with Fury. She said he knew she caught him out. She said he’s had 31 years to morph his behaviour into a person who seems normal, but he isn’t normal under the surface.
She even said his presence was probably the reason the dog was barking.
Today a dog ran up to me with it’s tail wagging and the owner was surprised because the dog normally hates people. Then the dog started barking at the UMR Somatic.
Dear HG <3
I hate victim men, who manipulate the innate empathy of women. Empathy that should be used to care for a baby. I hate my friend's sympathy case partners, who exploit her nurturing instincts.
I hate the victim man I was friends with, who tried to monopolise my empathy for himself. I'm furious that he wasted one second of my energy for himself, when it could have been placed on a baby or child.
Victim men are the worst scum. I didn't give him 1 cent, but he hinted towards it. I didn't let any money pass from myself to him. He is vermin: get a job, stop doing drugs, and be a man.
Hello, Whitney.
Of all narcissists it is the Victim Narcissist that irritates me. I already have a child, I have no capacity or desire of taking care of a grown up in the same way unless it is an elderly parent. I get annoyed even hearing my friend talk about the one in her life, not in regards to my friend but in regards to the Victim Narcissist and the things he says and does.
I know a particular Victim Narcissist who likes to talk to me, and people think I am mean in how I interact with him.
Good for you Getting There, glad to hear you are mean to a victim man. Better to give them zero attention because they deserve none. Vermin and leaches on society, stealing nurturing and attention that should be placed onto children.
I have slightly mentioned this here before, but I have never developed empathy for animals either. What you described about animals, is exactly what I feel as well. I do LOVE caring for babies and the elderly. I have spent a great amount time doing so. It’s actually an honor for me to care for the elderly, even the bathing and dressing. I think I never developed empathy for animals due to my mother, who not only doesn’t have empathy, she actually loathes animals. I don’t want my daughter to be like this, and I do not want her growing up to be a narcissist. So we recently got a rescue dog. The dog is spoiled, and we take very good care of it. I want her to learn empathy. If she hits the dog, or doesn’t treat the dog well, I put her in time out, not because I felt bad for the dog, but because this worries me that my daughter is displaying sociopathic traits like her father, or won’t develop empathy for animals like myself. I am protective of the dog, have the dog on a good daily regimen, but it feels weird to me to be affectionate to dogs. The thought of snuggling up to a dog actually creeps me out a bit, so I actually have been spending a lot of time with my parents because my dad is highly empathic to animals, and will show my daughter how to be affectionate and “love” the dog. Excuse me if this offends anyone, but I sometimes get weirded out by my own situation.
Anm, I am troubled by your comment. Your daughter would need to see and feel empathy toward the dog to learn empathy for animals. Perhaps you can imagine a baby when you interact with the dog to summon genuine empathy?
Many years ago a neighbor’s 7yr old child (pretty sure both parents were Ns) was cruel to her dog (a very gentle and loving dog) and I called it out immediately and explained to her how the dog feels and how she would not want someone to make her feel that way. I explained that all dogs, like babies, rely on us for our love, kindness and care and told her never to do anything like that again. I also suggested options she has should ever feel the impulse to act out again. She cried and said she was sorry. Best I can tell she never did anything like that again. Her mother never said a word. That girl, now in high school, has remained in contact over the years since (I no longer live in that area) and sends photos and stories of her dog. She knows I care and she seems to want to show she has kept the promise she made that day.
Anm, I really commend your efforts to care for your dog and to show a good example. Kids are so perceptive, they know your feelings whether they feel them or not. So you actually demonstrating empathy is so important. Since it comes easily for you in other areas, perhaps you can draw from those feelings. Also, please protect this dog should your ExN come around. Thank you for hearing me out and giving this your consideration.
FYC,
I have tried to use the empathy I feel for children or elderly for animals, but it really doesn’t work.
As far as my daughters father goes. He threw a fit that I didnt include him in the decision to get a dog. There was no reason to. Then he suggested that I allow my daughter to bring the dog with her for visits to his home. No way! There would be nothing good coming from allowing the dog to even go over there for one visit.
Anm, I appreciate your efforts toward your daughter and thank you for all that you do to provide and protect the dog, I am just not sure you will get the outcome you seek, but I wish you and the dog the best.
You are probably right, FYC. We will see how it goes
Noted. Forgive my asking an innocent question — Does a male Narc run away from his IPPS who is always ‘Snarly-Pissy-Moany-Groany-Complaining’?
No.
Omfg my little heart explodes when I see this picture. Ahhh!!!! The fluff and cuteness are overwhelming me. I want him!!!
Okay, I swear I’m totally done making you vomit in your mouth… But really you can’t just throw me into emotion overload over here with all that fluff 😍😂😂
Don’t you toy with my emotions!!!!
…and I thought I was dead inside 😝