The Portentous Remarks of the Narcissist
It is well known that our kind operate by the wearing of masks. We have learned how to portray those emotions which we do not feel. We have ascertained that in certain situations we are expected to respond in a particular way. We know that by donning a particular mask we are more likely to charm and seduce you. We are aware that maintaining a certain mask the vicious malevolence that lurks beneath can be kept in check so that we achieve acceptability and the advancement of our agendas. There are occasions when we will give you a glimpse of what lies beneath this mask. I am not referring to when we whip the mask off and subject you to devaluation. That is a purposeful and intended act on our part. I am not making reference to when the mask fractures as a consequence of the ignition of our fury and the lesser and mid-range of our kind are unable to keep the mask in place so that the ignited fury erupts and the malicious beast is unleashed. There are occasions however when we provide you with a fleeting glance beneath the mask as to what lies beneath. This will happen during the seduction period. Sometimes it is as a consequence of the effect of a particular agent, such as alcohol. Sometimes, especially with the greater of our kind, it is done as deliberate act in order to gauge your reaction. In such an instance, we tell you of what lies ahead to see if you baulk at the suggestion, or that more likely you respond in a sympathetic manner or even by way of denial.
“I couldn’t ever imagine you doing that.”
“That won’t happen with me though. It might have with other people but I will treat you better than they have.”
“You’re not like that, don’t be silly.”
“I don’t see you doing something like that, you are too nice.”
If you respond in such terms when you have been given such a warning, then this is a green light to us that we have you under our control and that you will accord with our desires and machinations. It also allows us, when we do eventually behave in the manner described down the line during the devaluation, to throw it back in your face by saying.
“I did warn you.”
“Why are you complaining? I was upfront that this would happen.”
“I told you so.”
“It’s no use crying about it now. I told you what I was like.”
“I told you and you chose to stay with me. It is your fault.”
Not only does this enable us to avoid blame, something we must achieve, it will also result in you reacting and providing us with fuel.
With the lesser or mid-range of our kind, these comments are more akin to thinking aloud. The mask does slip, unintentionally for a moment, through the explanation of a future behaviour before it is realised what has been said and the disclosure is brushed to one side, denied or passed off as a silly comment owing to drink or being tired. Why do these comments arise in such a manner from the lesser and mid-range of our kind? Is it guilt or remorse? No, because those emotions are not felt by our kind. It arises from a lack of control. The “bad” behaviour that will arise at some point is lurking beneath the surface and like a cat fighting to get out of a sack, it is always wanting to make an appearance but is prevented from doing so by the maintenance of the mask that is worn. Occasionally, through the loss of control – it may be drink, it may be fatigue, it may be through inattention – what lurks beneath makes a brief and fleeting appearance before the control is exerted once again. Here are fifteen portentous show and tells of our kind. Should you ever hear these comments you ought to pay heed to the warning that you are being given.
- I am a bad person really.
- I will only hurt you.
- You should stay away from me.
- I do bad things. I cannot help it. I always do.
- I will make you wish you had never met me.
- It will go wrong, it always does.
- You will end up hating me.
- You don’t know what you are getting into with me.
- You shouldn’t do this.
- You should leave while you can.
- This is going to turn out badly.
- I have to hurt people.
- I don’t want to hurt you, but I will.
- I just want to fit in.
- I’m not what you think I am.
17 thoughts on “The Portentous Remarks of the Narcissist”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.
HG,
I like this one. Very relevant; gives me a lot to think about. Thank you.
Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde are used as an example of good and evil. Is it possible, instead, that Dr Jekyll was actually a Midrange narcissist and Hyde was the creature being released?
Indeed.
Thank you, HG!
I wonder how Mr Stevenson knew.
I can’t imagine what it is like for you to know that creature exists and how you do what you can to keep him in place. I’m sorry you deal with that!
Oh, now I’m definitely going to read Dr. J & Mr. H. I don’t think I have ever read the novella or saw the complete film when I was younger. I just know the story secondhand.
It should be fun to read with the KTN lens!
I’m so glad you brought up this point, Getting There.
Thank you, Lisk!
That story has fascinated me for a long time.
I have not seen the movie.
There is a musical on it also but the original version is much better than after they changed it.
I want to read it with the new lens as well! It will be interesting to see what I missed before without HG’s knowledge. It’s exciting to have this insight!
I also think it’s interesting how they give hints about what lies beneath. Seems like they almost enjoy … not getting caught, but getting away with stuff under your nose. However, when I see what’s going on got real, oh what a price you pay for putting 2+2 together!!! Hell ensues !!
Cogra – I can exactly relate to what you say! I’m sure he thought he was being so clever, flaunting his treasured “secrets” in plain sight, and obviously never thinking for one minute I would put 2+2 together! Unfortunately for him, he’s not as good at it as he thinks he is. I still chuckle now at some of the things he said or did where he clearly thought he was deceiving me. I got very good at keeping a straight face so he never knew I’d caught on. Lack of information works both ways!!
I hear you. How stupid they think we are sometimes. I chuckle from time to time on busting a few things, myself. Hi 5 to you.
Devaluation begins! And the final discard for me came when he saw that I could no longer buy into or endorse certain aspects of his facade.
No such thing as a final discard, Lisk.
Oy, how quickly I forget. Thank you for reminding me to stay on guard.
Correction: And the harshest, most clear-cut, most recent, and longest discard for me came when . . .
My ex, when i told him to try and understand how someone we were talking about felt, and to put himself in that persons shoes to know how to communicate to them he actually said “you know i cant do that, i dont know how to”. Although obviously true, i am not sure he said it inadvertently or as a pity play for his lack of ability and to suck me into doing something for him. But that statement always resonated with me. He also once wrote in his long emails, ‘you are my primary relationship’.
Intrepid Traveller, my Narcx used to say the same, “you are my primary relationship.”
I did sort of question it in my head the first time I heard it. I answered myself by saying, “Oh, he must mean I am not his children, his sister or brother, his parent, his friends, etc.
I never once considered that I was his primary romantic relationship and that he had secondary or tertiary sources . . . if only HG would have been blogging back then.
Thank you for this article. How about “I don’t want it to get weird.” “Don’t fall for me, I’m not that guy.” “I was with that girl for ten years, and we were never close.” “I don’t do “dates.”
You are welcome.
When I get what I want, I never want it again, You can have everything you want but you better not take it from me, Billy my friend, Don’t fall in love with me, I’m not that kind of guy, One way or another, I’m gonna lose ya, I’m gonna give you the slip, A slip of the hip or another, I’m gonna lose ya, I’m gonna trick ya, I’ll trick ya, Baby, baby don’t get hooked on me. ‘Cause I’ll just use you then I’ll set you free….