Escape : Beat the Narcissist

 

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The definitive guide to beating the narcissist

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34 thoughts on “Escape : Beat the Narcissist

  1. Kelly says:

    Do you believe a woman can stay married to a narc and not be effected? Is it possible she can train him how to treat her?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No, she will be affected.
      No, that is impossible.

      Get out, stay out.

    2. Shirley says:

      I am newly married as of December and am realizing the true man (narcissist) is now revealing himself. Ive thought to seek counseling but fear without him going also it will be pointless. From what ive learned about narcissism i am doomed. Any advice?

      1. HG Tudor says:

        Hello Shirley, you are doomed if you remain in the relationship with the suspected narcissist. The advice is to apply GOSO, get out and stay out. To achieve this make use of the wealth of information on this sight and as a priority use

        1. https://narcsite.com/narc-detector-2/ The Narc Detector to ascertain that he is a narcissist and if so why and if so his school and cadre and why. This is a crucial founding step.
        2. https://narcsite.com/private-audio-consultation/ An Audio Consultation to receive bespoke assistance.

      2. Em says:

        You are lucky you recognised the problem do fast. I can tell you only … run!

    3. Jessica says:

      No! I was married to one for 20 years. It is impossible. He will never treat you right.

    4. Jessica says:

      Get out stay out it is a terrible situation! It only ever get worse.

  2. DeAnn says:

    I left mine 6 months ago but now he wants me back cause he says he loves me and understands what happened … he wants to move in with me and split the bills … but I said No and now he’s really mad! And I know he’s playing my emotions I’m an empath very sensitive and have a huge heart but I just lost my dad 1 month ago!!! I don’t know what to do… I’m being honest with him but I need to find myself and not be broken anymore I got my own car my own job and I’m doing things for myself! What do I do stay true to my feelings or give in!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You ascertain that he is a narcissist and you implement a no contact regime and you stick to it. You left for a good reason, therefore you undoubtedly followed logic. It appears, from the brief information posted, that you are experiencing a spike in emotional thinking (caused by the hoovering and entering several Arenas of Interaction) you should arrange a consult to receive timely and critical logical input to prevent you from being sucked back in.

    2. Danna says:

      No! Stay away from him

    3. Violetta says:

      DeAnn:

      These are not your true feelings, because what you think you love doesn’t exist.

      The problem with Emotional Thinking is it is neither your logical thoughts nor your real emotions.

      (Been there, done that, got the t-shirt, and thanks to Covid comfort-eating, it’s too tight anyway.)

      1. HG Tudor says:

        No.

        The love is real, you are not imagining it. The one is based on an illusion and therefore is utterly wasted and dangerous.
        Emotional Thinking causes real emotions but ones which lead you into breaches of no contact because they are founded on Emotional Thinking, rather than Logical Thinking.

        Example
        1. I am angry that my appearance has been criticised, I am going to channel my anger into doing some overdue physically tough gardening. Your anger is real, well-founded but is applied in a logical way to something which benefits you (you do exercise and tidy the garden).
        2. I am angry that my ex boyfriend (who is a narcissist) has been telling lies that I abused him. I am so angry I am going to go and see him and tell him he is a liar and find out why he is telling these lies. Your anger is real, it is well-founded BUT it is not applied in a logical way because you will give the narcissist fuel (he wins/you lose), you may suffer an adverse consequence (he assaults you/calls the police/smears you further) and you have increased your emotional thinking through this interaction. Your anger was used by your ET to mislead you and cause you to do something. The emotion is real, the emotion is exploited to get you to do something contrary to your interests.

        1. Violetta says:

          An ah-hah moment.

          1. Violetta says:

            HG:

            So is this like the Flaubert story where this unfortunate woman sees everyone she’s ever loved go out of her life until she’s down to a parrot, then the parrot dies, I think she has it stuffed, and then she’s down to a dead parrot?

            Her emotions are legit, but adopting a stray cat would be better than a dead parrot, and a even dead parrot is better than a Narc?

            (PS. I don’t have a garden, but I’ve kept doing a ballet Barre twice a week. Unfortunately, I need cardio, and the ice rinks have been closed. May ride my bike if weather improves.)

            (PPS. I don’t really have a narc-withdrawal t-shirt.)

          2. HG Tudor says:

            No, it is as I described it.

          3. Violetta says:

            Just when I think I’m getting it….

          4. HG Tudor says:

            You need to access The Addiction Triple Package and Understanding Emotional Empathy.

          5. Violetta says:

            So, when I was trying to recover from Wanna-Be Playuh-Narc (alas, pre-Narcsite):

            1. Reacting to my feelings by curling up in the floor in fetal position and howling/writing him a letter detailing all his failings and giving it to an editor we both worked for (who may be a Greater who just kept it to chuckle over) to pass to WBPN = Emotional Thinking?

            2. Reacting to my feelings by focussing on love-addiction in Boccaccio’s Elegy of Lady Fiammetta both in order to write a paper for grad school and to grapple with, in fictional form, the concept that my jackhole wasn’t worth all this trouble any more than hers was = Logical Thinking?

          6. HG Tudor says:

            1. Yes because it was a breach of no contact and thus contrary to logic.

            2. Yes because you realised that you needed to stay away from the narcissist, that is logic.

          7. Violetta says:

            HG:

            Thank you.
            Unfortunately, there was no Narcsite then. I did not understand he could be a narcissist or that if so, I had to go no contact. I only gradually stopped confiding in the editor who was probably playing us both and asked him not to mention WBPN to me or me to WBPN. I had a vague notion that moving out of town for grad school would help me “get over him,” but it was instinctive: I did not understand that so many things were reinforcing his hold on me. I got involved with at least one online discussion with him about politics.

            One thing about No Contact and GOSO is we know what the rules are, even if we sometimes find it hard to stick to them. No, I shouldn’t look at his social media. No, I shouldn’t look at my grad school nemesis’ Ratemyprofessors page to see if her students have trashed her again.

            I know you don’t believe in justice in the next world, or believe in the next world, come to that, but I think you and I can agree we shouldn’t expect much in this one. You can afford to plot revenge against people because you don’t have a conscience to trouble you, but if I went to my home town, told off and beat up my childhood narcs, I’d probably end up feeling sorry for them.

            I did tell off my enabling mid-ranger of a shrink when I was a teen, and by the time I stormed out of his office forever, his face was grey and his lips were quivering. He looked ready to cry, and while I still wanted to crack his head open like a coconut, I simultaneously felt vague pity for him.

            Of course what really hurt his feelings was not my criticizing his ethics in taking money from my father while not reporting him, but the fact that I had questioned his competence. I brought up a few facts about the behavior of kids in dysfunctional families, and asked why he didn’t seem to know about them and just assumed prescribing hyper meds would solve everything.

        2. lisk says:

          So, basically, Emotional Thinking is Anti-Self and, ultimately, Anti-Social, while Logical Thinking is Pro-Self in an ultimately Pro-Social way (even if we become Cat Ladies in the end).

          Something like that?

    4. Violetta says:

      Btw, where was he when you lost your dad and needed support?

  3. pavelka says:

    what do you do AFTER,the narcissist?????

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You ensure you stay away from the narcissist, you lower your emotional thinking and you ensure you do not get ensnared by any new narcissists.

      1. Kim pavelka says:

        That’s.not a problem,he left me in SD & went to Texas & left EVERYTHING WE OWNED FOR 25 years!house,land,cars, ,,,have not spoken since June of 2019..
        Straight mind fuckery at it’s best!!!
        #bittersweet

        1. Lisa Lynn says:

          If your reading this. Stay away from Scott Rickard Satellite Beach he will destroy your life permanently.

          1. HG Tudor says:

            Chief Brodie, is that you?

    2. lisk says:

      You live a good life!

  4. Dolores Haze says:

    Dear HG, I had kind of a nightmare some weeks ago: I had a dream that the Narcissist hoovered me on my company email from one of his email addresses that I forgot about and thus failed to block. In my dream I was terrified and, without reading his email, blocked this address as well. When I woke up I realized that my subconscious mind was sending me a clear reminder – this email of his did exist and I indeed forgot about it! I immediately blocked it in real life as I did in my dream.

    Can it be that after applying all of your wonderful advice and solidifying NC on my way to freedom post escape my brain started cooperating by protecting me even in this subconscious way?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Yes, by building Logic Defences consciously, your subconscious will start to adopt them to protect you. Even whilst you sleep.

  5. Ana says:

    What if the narcissit says he wants u to leave him alone after u wrote him a latter saying all the lies and cheating he did and that it was all an illusion? He will leave u for good? Forever?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Your letter was Challenge Fuel.
      His response was to assert control over you.
      He will not leave you for good, Ana.
      The narcissist will return based on whether there is a Hoover Trigger and whether the Hoover Execution Criteria are met. To understand more with regard to your own personal situation, do book a consultation.

      1. Ana says:

        Thank u sir. I shall consider that. I have blocked him everywhere and after i wrote the letter i have released myself from his grasp. I accept and understand what has happened to me. It was part of my fault as i am codependent. I will heal my childhood traumas and become a person with so much self love and confidence that not even the best narcissit will be able to fool me again. Now i know the game. I have a strong character and now i will only go for playing with men. I feel myself unable to have feelings anymore. I am convinced this situation was an eye opener that nobody is worthy of my love as nothing is guaranteed in life. People come and go as they please. I will not be like the narcissit to hurt them i cannot do this but i will keep my feelings reserved to myself. Thank you !

        1. HG Tudor says:

          You are welcome.

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