The Addiction to the Narcissist : Emotional Thinking
111 thoughts on “The Addiction to the Narcissist : Emotional Thinking”
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I am delighted with this graphics!
I order a sweet ruby red (almost cherry)! Let him be withering, wrinkled, sour green 🙂
Scissors please.
Paid for!!
Sighhh massive stress level increase with my special needs son all week triggered old escape mechanisms and *I* broke a very solid 3 month NC from my MMR-DLS dude. Some sexting & talk of a hotel visit. I never relapsed on alcohol but sex with narcs is always my go-to escape mechanism.
I don’t have much $ HG but I could possibly afford another assistance package along w this one, any one in particular you’d suggest next? I already bought the evolutionary tirades ( 😆 still funny) one .
Pls send fast! I haven’t made physical contact yet!!
Tackling ET.
Ok I’ll get it as soon as I can
Meanwhile I wanted to confess here and invite any and all feedback from my fellow empaths to knock me out of it. I was doing well. It’s still only text- and I’m not in love it’s pure sexual escapism from ultra high parental stress
(I think it always was, actually)
Woke, why did you go No Contact?
Was it because you realised what he was and knew that no matter how seductive he could be, he doesn’t care about you and considers you an object?
Did the sexting and would the hotel sex improve your difficult situation at home, through practical or emotional support from this person?
How else could you relieve some of the stress and tension you are faced with at the moment that doesn’t invlove putting yourself back under this person’s self-serving control?
GOSO!!!!!
X
Think about three months from now and how you’ll regret it. Maybe this helps. He’s not the answer to your problems, he is the problem.
WAF…..Dont kick yourself. Just get back on NC. Stress and ET are best buddies. They play hand in hand. Don’t blame yourself. Let your LT back in.Texting is the start….LT back in is the end.. You have enough LT to know to come here to stop you.Your LT realizes it was not love….just a stress release.
Buy a punching bag. Believe me it works wonders………………You got this
Smooches
.
Yeah, momentary relapse. It started a week or so ago .
Texts flew for a couple days then he wanted to meet up for a walk today and I agreed.
I texted today at the appropriate time- no answer.
I texted again no answer
Then I REALLY snapped out of it and posted here.
I haven’t texted again, I didn’t issue any challenge fuel or question why he’s not answering. I already know: Control.
I also know : GOSO.
I’m going to block now, it’s been hours still no response, and I’m glad he did this bc I had time to snap awake.And my LT kicked in thank GOD so I didn’t give him shit for not canceling or whatever.
Near miss, that one. Phew! Wtf?!
I do want to know tho HG !! For my files lol – future fake without a “sorry I’m busy” is RARE, and never after a long time without contact, and almost never when meeting us his suggestion.
– corrective devaluation for my 3 month NC? – AST? Shelved without a text to cancel because…testing me? Just busy and narcissism says no need to exert control?
Tell me what happened on his end pls?
On my end I know, ET, Addiction- I’ve bought logic bulletin and will buy the next one ASAP.
I’ve reblocked texts which seals NC again.
I guess like any alcohol – I don’t go hang out in bars or with alcoholics – don’t tempt the ET there- so I knew better of course but ET won for a minute there. Trippy- I’ve been solid with narcoholic for over a year and I really wasn’t tempted with this guy for 3 months then mega stress and bam! Slip!
This ET vs. LT thing is very interesting. Now that I look at it this way, I can quite clearly see a pattern with the narcs that I encountered: they tended to criticize my rationality and suggested that I should be more in touch with / driven by my emotions. And, of course, listen to them because there is much to learn from their emotional intelligence. Their what?! Interesting, because the people who made that criticism were indeed those that I identified as narcissists. For example, the therapist I spoke about before here, he constantly says (not only to me but on his social media) that people need to use emotional understanding instead of intellectual understanding, for their psychological issues. I asked him several times what that means but he could never explain it in a way that made sense. I definitely accept that too much emotional detachment is not good, especially in personal relationships, but it is also usually the dysfunctional, self-defeating ET that makes them a mess. What characterizes addictions of all kinds in general is also how emotions, desires and impulses take over higher cognitive functions and reason. It is extremely difficult to restore it to normal once that happens and any method, program or form of help that can achieve it is extremely valuable. There are many different methods people have developed to tackle addictions but most don’t work or the success (especially long-term) rate is very low.
Dearest HG and FYC: Just like HG, Geoffrey Cox speaks differently depending on whether or not he is in Parliament, or with reporters, or on an interview, etc. I know, because I also checked. Here is Geoffrey Cox speaking on an interview. Here is where he sounds like HG Tudor to me. Not surprising to me, the interviewer also says on this clip that Geoffrey had a best voice. lol. So, I know I am on the right track. Hahaha. Anyway, I found this clip on youtube called: `Chopper`s Brexit Podcast, Twas the …`. Geoffrey starts speaking around 1:20. around one minute and 20 seconds into the video, right here >> https://youtu.be/UYCH1mjkTDY>
Dear Princess,
Fancy Geoffrey doing ’twas the !
Pretty damn close though
Geoffrey is nearly 60 and has 3 kids….I fear it doesn’t fit Mr Tudor’s profile
It was really interesting listening to that ….. thank you clever one
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
I’m so behind. As soon as I go back to the US I’ll need to catch up on a lot of material I’ve been missing. It’s been a month of glorious narc free traveling, at least.
The video did not seem to stick the first time: Here is Geoffrey Cox speakint at around one minute and 27 seconds: https://youtu.be/UYCH1mjkTDY
HG, Another excellent addition to the series. You inspired me to research further in the areas of emotional influence, neural pathways of addiction and emotional reward, and external influences that impact emotions and logic. This is a very exciting and interesting area of study and you may be on to something larger than solely empath/narcissist addiction. Before I proceed, I want to say that every empath will benefit from this assistance series and not a single package is to be missed.
Many studies have been executed for decades on the influence of emotions over logic in terms of purchases, both trivial and significant. By way of example, impulse purchases are not logical purchases. Large ticket purchases such as buying a home are greatly influenced by emotions. Studies show that if two homes meet buyer criteria, but one has more amenitites at a lower cost, yet the buyer “feels” more at home in the less endowed yet more expensive home, it is still the home they will purchase regardless of the logical benefits of the former home.
Psychological studies underscore the undeniable influence emotions have over logic. This is attributed to the everpresence and immediacy of emotions—they do not require much cognition—and the need to respond to present fear triggers. In fact fear, as it turns out, it the only emotion that does not degrade logic statistically significantly. No doubt this fact is what assisted mankind in successful evolution (ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4050437).
Countless influences affect our emotions: Our childhood and upbringing, our genetically predisposed personalities, our attachment styles, how we learned to cope with a wide range of behaviors as we matured, etc. All of these help to create our own emotional processing center. Once our palate of emotions is well developed, many more influences are added on to our emotional foundation. These include our hopes, desires, fears, and needs. Now layer on the influences of others, including family, friends, lovers, media, movies, books, songs, etc. These all amplify our ET.
Not so for NPD and APD individuals. Ns experience a limited range of emotions, yet they are extremely adept at reading and manipulating others emotions to exert control and gain fuel. It is suggested in scholarly articles that this lack of a broader range of emotions leads to intense boredom which creates a strong drive for fuel. Our emotions fulfill that requirement and our ET leads us to deliver the same.
According to Psychology Today, “People with narcissist personalities have a unique ability to disown unwanted aspects of themselves and evoke emotional responses in a partner or subordinate that lead the other [person] to “own” those warded-off aspects; including shame, guilt, insecurity, abandonment fear, jealousy, envy, anger and rage…Involvement with a narcissist becomes a roller coaster of emotional triggers that makes it difficult to decipher who owns the emotion.” This is yet another example of how and N can use our ET against us.
As for APD (formerly ASPD), these individuals share N traits, but also feel very little if any fear. Further, their beliefs and goals are not influenced by societal expectations, but by their own. The APD person’s notion of what is best is only in their own best interest. (Newman JP. Brinkley CA, Lorenz AR, Hiatt KD, MacCoon DG, 2007).
This means everyone is developed uniquely to a certain set of emotions that govern our decisions regardless of logical cognition. The degree to which we govern and control our emotions affords us an opportunity to make better decisions and have fewer regrets.
In a study where subject took an IQ test and were informed they received a high, moderate or low score (these were lies not actual results) and task execution, subjects were tested on simple symbolic logic equations (if a > b and b > c then a > c), researchers found that subjects were influenced by what they *believed* their IQ was. Genuine IQ was not an indicator of performance. In the same study, several settings that approached various emotions were elicited to influence the performance on the same simple logic equations. It was found only fear enhanced performance. All other emotions *reduced* performance. It is pretty clear what we feel, if unchecked, greatly influences our LT.
In summary, it would appear that the deck is clearly stacked against the empath unless we control ET. Empaths possess the fullest range of emotions of self and other and are affected by these emotions. Our inherent addiction to interact with Ns is driven by our emotions and patterns of relating over a lifetime. Per Psychology today, “Emotional habits are the key to addiction.” When we feed our N addiction and interact we are clearly on an unlevel playing field. We will be influenced by ET (even if we think we are not) and the N or APD will not be affected in that way at all. So the *ONLY* way to avoid this is to a) eliminate or reduce interaction, b) reduce ET, and c) increase our awareness. HG’s assistance packages deliver powerful insights to the origins of our ET and N addiction, arenas of feeding ET and ways to effectively reduce ET. Even when our interactions are with a normal or another empath we benefit by reducing ET. This is a powerful and necessary series that will help you understand, concur and control both ET and N addiction.
Thank you FYC. That made very interesting reading and provides an additional perspective to support the efficacy and value of these Assistance Packages and my work. Thank you for taking the time to look into this and for sharing it on the site, it is much appreciated.
HG, It was truly my pleasure and you are most welcome. Very interesting topic area. I am still researching and will share any further relevant findings that underscore your excellent assistance packages.
*conquer and control (typo)
Very informative, FYC. Thank you. Does this mean that our emotions are the Narc’s fuel? Because that is what I sensed. It was clear that MRN liked to get me all wound up to fuel himself.
Yes, as explained in the book Fuel. You really ought to have read it.
HG, For some reason the link to this post is broken via my email so I thought you had deleted the post. Found it and wanted to say that I believe I have read the book Fuel. I read a lot of the books in the beginning.
What do you mean by ‘it is addressed in the AP’? What does AP stand for? (I am probably being dense – sorry – it’s late where I am).
Assistance Package.
Thanks!
Excellent listen and fundamental knowledge at a very reasonable price. Buy it, you won’t regret it.
Empaths spend so much time and effort trying to understand everybody else. Time to understand ourselves.
Exactly right and thank you Desiree.
Oops. I was referring to the most recent logic bulletin
Well that logic bulletin sure explains why relationships with normals (or even other empaths) feel boring….
Erm…
for me I can’t relate, I’m with an empath right now and it’s great, 10/10, recommend. I just want peace when I’m home.
I’m bored of living with people who kill the vibes with their narc energy when I am chilling and minding my own business. It’s dead.
When I get home it’s eat, cup of tea, snuggle in bed, Netflix, sleep. That’s all I want. I don’t need or want anything extra. Don’t bring high emotions to my door 😆
“ When I get home it’s eat, cup of tea, snuggle in bed, Netflix, sleep. That’s all I want. I don’t need or want anything extra. Don’t bring high emotions to my door 😆”
EXACTLY how I’ve lived since I left babydaddy around 15 years ago
With one exception- I like to get fucked proper . 😈 By bad men. Oops.
So I’m addicted to narc fuckboys, DLS, etc. I don’t bring them home to live- shit they’re lucky if they get to come in my home ever. I keep it all separate from my stable home life , stable work life, etc
They’re my side thrill. I Narc-d like I drank – once a week- all night 😆
Well- not for a while now. I’m horny AF even tho I’ve enjoyed the break, I’m already restless.
However I will say NC brings a huge dose of peace of MIND. And I’m loving it.
So I’m just taking it one HG day at a time
Hi My Name is Woke and I’m in Narc Recovery
Woke, be careful of the side Narc D, you might think it’s casual but the Narc might take you for their IPPS and thus the stalking begins
I’m not taking on any new narcs, for obvious reasons but esp that one.
I’m also NC with my narcs .
I’m Narcless
P.S
I can relate, if I were single I would be pretty easy.. a few drinks in and I’ll give it up on the first date but really it’s because I have a weakness for physical affection and I would use sex to make for the lack of affection I could be getting in a stable relationship
This is brilliant thank you! I laughed out loud about red sports cars, that was the Narc’s style, I’m more of a Landrover girl. I am no longer taking leave of my senses however. I do wish you sounded like Joe Pasquale however and then I’d feel less guilty about listening to a narcissist.
No can do, Notme! This voice is a weapon.
Dearest HG: I found a person that sounds like you. I was listening to the news and his name is Geoffrey Cox and he is an Attorney General? or something like that, and I think he is in Parliament in your Country. I heard him discussing Brexit in an interview. HG, he really sounds like you. I do not know if he sounds like you when he speaks in Parliament, but when he is being interviewed, he sounds like you. If any one can check it out for me and see if Geoffrey Cox sounds like HG Tudor, preferably during an interview if possible, please let me know. I find they speak differently when speaking during a Parliamentary session, than when speaking one on one, or in a small group.
PSE: I listened to a YouTube of Geoffrey Cox and although he is a baritone, I would say that his voice is older, has a different cadence, infection, accent and intonation than HG’s voice. I prefer HG’s extemporary speaking as it is far more dynamic and engaging than this fellow’s speech.
*inflection haha! (typo) However HG’s voice is infectious to the psyche.
FYC: Infection: Hahahahaha! I am definitely *infected by HG`s voice, in a good way. Sometimes typos are great! lol. Here is another definition, of infected, used in a sentence from Google: `his high spirits infected everyone: affect, influence, have an impact on, touch; excite, inspire, stimulate, animate.` ~~google dictionary.
https://youtu.be/UYCH1mjkTDY
FYC: Did you hear Geoffrey Cox on the video clip interview that I posted for you? He starts speaking around 1:20. One minute 20 seconds in. I really would think that I was speaking to either of them for the other. Maybe, sometimes HG Tudor can step in and take calls for Geoffrey Cox in Parliament and Visa Versa. Would not this make a great movie? For example, something happens to Geoffrey and his country did not want enemies and opponents to know, so they tell the public he is away, but will take phone calls. HG steps in. lol. I would never know the difference. There is a movie, Dave, where a man that was almost a visual double for the U.S. American President and he is placed in as a replacement for some reason. I just put that movie Dave on my movies to watch list. The only problem would be that HG knows about Parliament and Politics, but I wonder how much Geoffrey knows about Narcissism in particular. I do not think that Geoffrey can step in for HG, although I am sure Geoffrey knows a lot about human behavior in general. The 2 are virtually audio doppelgangers to my ears. He is the closest to HG Tudor, voice wise, that I have ever heard.
I am not a secretary.
Laughing…….(the matter of fact statement 🙂 )
Dearest HG: Not to be Geoffrey Cox` secretary, but actually secretly Stand in for him as him, as the Attorney General and in Parliament, if he became secretly incapacitated. You could only do this by phone, because you probably do not look like him, but he does sound like you. I think this is tough for me to explain. Hahaha. I have to get better at explaining my movie treatment ideas.
What about a Range Rover?
Oh yeah, I could live with one of those too. When the narcissist showed up in the red sports car, I made the right noises though, like a good little empath.
HG…..
Not when I throw them at your head after they have been in the fridge!
LOL…..reminds me of my kids. I would send you to your room HG but you would burn down the house with me in it and walk away with a happy grin eating a Drumstick!
You know me so well.
That’s a great deal! Is there a book on this topic that you have available as well HG? I would like to have a more in depth understanding on this particular topic…
No, Esther, only through the Assistance Packages.
Speaking of ET: as I’m coming out of the narcissistic haze (navigating the emotional sea, if you will), I cannot help but think it was my sheer stupidity, not ET or addiction, that made me adore and worship a person who grooms 15 year old Thai schoolgirls online and doesn’t care to hide it very well. What kind of excuses did I come up for justifying his behavior? I can’t even remember now. HG, that surely was plain and simple me being a bloody idiot, ET being a euphemism for it, right?
No, it is the effect of ET. Intelligence is no defence. My work is.
Great assistance package. Explains emotional thinking in way I understand better than I ever have. It’s a breakthrough and useful for many things other than Narc interaction. ET is everywhere! I’m doomed 😫
Thank you MB.
You are far from doomed.
I’ve got to start letting my brain run the show instead of my emotions. I’m hoping it’s a skill I can learn!
MB: I don’t know how it works for others, but for me, part of the battle was recognizing that ET didn’t even involve my actual emotions. They were emotions I had been brainwashed or conditioned into having. My real emotions were buried under the surface, and they didn’t conflict with logic nearly as much as I had expected.
I agree Violetta, I used to trust my emotions, now I don’t as they’ve been hijacked.
My son said to me last week ‘I know I need to cut you some slack more but you need to learn to tell people to tell people to fuck off more’. Hahahaha!
MB you absolutely can. It’s like any habit. Once you actively choose to to rely on your logic and you practice it regularly (not necessarily perfectly, just regularly) you will create a new neural pathway ergo new habit. You’ve got this. You are smart. Trust that.
HG, you may be responsible for a new type of addiction: The irresistible urge to listen to your latest assistance package/logic bulletin. I will be purchasing as soon as I acquire another card.
Jolly good. HG approves.
FYC,
I second that:
“HG, you may be responsible for a new type of addiction: The irresistible urge to listen to your latest assistance package/logic bulletin. I will be purchasing as soon as I acquire another card.”
I now know that I am addicted to coffee, narcissists and self-knowledge.
WC, What about chocolate and your new puppy?
FYC,
Absolutely. Smooth, dark chocolate preferably.
And who wouldn’t fall for that little face?* (Well, except HG, perhaps.)
*See gravatar.
WhoCares
Sweet face indeed. I’m lactating. I’m old and it’s powdered milk, but it still counts.
NA,
Ha! When I was in grade school, I use to declare: “I am never having babies – just kittens and puppies!”
WC, What a precious face! I love your puppy. Thank you for sharing. I also agree with your taste in chocolate (plus it’s good for you).
Thank-you FYC. That pic was a day after we got her. She is *much* bigger now but still maintains the sweet face.💚
No Jelly Babies?
The Beatles said they liked Jelly Babies, which are soft. U.S. fans thought they meant jelly beans, which are not, and used to throw them at the band during live shows. The lads were not happy.
The Doctor Who played by Tom Baker liked jelly babies too.
WhoCares, that widdle wrinkled face is so cute I wanna chew on it
Where are the Evolution tirades?
There are no tirades, only information. They are in the Assistance Packages.
No tirades just a sound basis delivered in the first E/N addiction assistance package. Well worth a purchase.
Thank you FYC.
I listened. Next time I’ll eat a fucking fig tree and get fat. I don’t want junk food except for sour candy. HG—what is your favorite candy? Please tell. Do you have sour patch kids watermelon flavor where you are?
That form of confectionery is available.
I am partial to the occasional fizzy cola bottle. Oh and Drumstick lollies, although I rarely eat them.
Drumstick lollies are the worst! 😜
Not when I throw them at your head after they have been in the fridge!
Oh, do they taste better chilled?
I have some for the kids. Ice cream is just ok mostly. I really want a watermelon smoothie. I had one on vacation that was amazing. I have a watermelon issue.
Blackunicorn, loved this! Haha
Fizzy cola bottles do they still make those?
Yes.
For some reason I would have thought you to be a chocolate man.
Black Jacks and Fruit Salads are soooo good.
Confectionery Corner can end now!
Not familiar with black jacks. I
Like fruit—berries mainly. But that watermelon smoothie on an island in the sea was heaven. On an island in the sea—I could write a poem. About the smoothie. On an island in the sea.
Ohoh we’re in the realms of baked goods. No need to be testy HG!
Ha ha. Quieten down or I’ll pour away your sherbets dib dab.
Lorelei and others, I do not know how you eat those horrible SPK. I’m pretty sure they are not even food. Anything gummy and plastic-like should not be consumed. But hey, I like liver pudding. So who am I to judge?!?
They should not be consumed because they will make us obese like HG talks about in his evolution tirades!
Lorelei, I wish SPK was all I’d have to avoid. That would be easy! I don’t think we’ve heard a HG tirade…
No he talks about evolution, obesity and trees. It’s maybe not a tirade but he’s pretty sure.
Good luck with that Sista! 🙃
That shit is made of pork or cow gelatin so thank you but not for me. I do like grapes. Preferably tread on, filtered, and aged. In barrels.
Am I doomed HG? 🙃
We are both doomed and we are crazy people.
Why do you have to say we? Why are you putting me in the same category as you? There is absolutely no way I can be that crazy?! Hahaha
Well on second thought, I guess I am right there with you! 🥰
As to jellies, in California. Jellies are legal;)
Dearest HG: One day I would love to have a long list of your favorite things, just for us on here and/or for me, and this list is (not really for people in your off line life for your image), including certain clothing, posh and not posh, from watches, to bath soap to food, sports, cologne that women wear, things that women use for themselves, even things that are surprising and somewhat hidden, even embarrassing things, and cheap things, everything really. Vintage things, historical things, people and places, etc. etc. I find it all fascinating about you. I would pay.
Book an email consultation and the information will be yours.
Dearest HG: Thank you! I will work to put my very long list together. Fascinating!
MB,
Your review was helpful. Thank you.
You are welcome E.B.
I found this package enlightening. It hits home that my nature is in DNA. I don’t think imprinting. I was deemed “ gifted as a child” put in special classes but it was not based on emotional thinking… I think. I recall however part of the test was ink blot analysis. ? I have studied DNA and genes. Makes sense. My father was very empathetic as are many of my relatives. Lots of talented artists in this group. A link? Most of my romantic relations have been with empaths ( the best, healthiest) or normals. I see two narcs in my history. Current husband. Awaiting results. I can’t imagine a world without those who don’t go the extra mile to help. There is a lot of opportunity whether humans, animals or Earth. And I have been rewarded by my DNA. But I get “ ensnared now.” I don’t think I sought him to use my traits to the fullest. I do that vastly in most areas of my life and it’s enriched my life. I feel I fell in his TRAP and because of my empathetic traits I need HG weapons to get out. I can’t imagine not finding you, HG. One point bugs me …HG. As a greater you don’t seem “damaged” or in “need of help or fixing.” You seem to rebuff efforts. So how does an empath go for a greater and why stay? Hard to see how we are athletically flexing our muscles as we need to with a greater? Perhaps it depends on the type of empath? Supers? Justice needs? I fall mostly into contagion, carrier and martyr. I fell into the trap of a mid ranger I think. Still got a foot stuck.
I do not need to be fixed, I function with complete effectiveness. I know there are those who disagree with that and they are entitled to express that opinion.
When you state “How does an empath go for a Greater” what do you mean? Remember, most victims rarely come across a Greater and if they do, they may not even realise that they have.
Aha moment! I did not realize greaters were so rare. !
Is this the same as the other addiction package HG?
No, different.
ah god! so many things I want to buy!
Get the addiction package as well, Alexis; it’s very good.
Just make a list alexissmith, that’s what I do now! Ugh
Lists are always helpful FM1T – thank you. I’m all sorted 🙂 still wishing I knew what LK is
Yes, please + thank you!