The Addiction to the Narcissist : What is the Foundation?
*** The Assistance Package Discount Rate will shortly be removed, so do not lose this opportunity to avail yourself of it ***
As part of the implementation and maintenance of your no contact regime, it is necessary for you to understand a very important person – you.
You need to understand that you have an addiction, an addiction to the narcissist.
Why do you have this addiction? What is its foundation? Why is it so powerful? Why does it prevail even when you gain extensive knowledge about escaping the narcissist? Why do you know the narcissist is bad for you yet keep engaging with the narcissist in some form? Why is it so hard to overcome? Why does it have such a grip on you?
This Assistance Package answers all of these questions and more and is a FUNDAMENTAL necessity of achieving freedom from the narcissist.
To give a boost to your new no contact regimes or to bolster existing no contact regimes, this Addiction Assistance Package is available at a low introductory price of just US $ 25 and will be delivered as an information-packed audio file through email.
Give yourself a logic injection and obtain this Assistance Package NOW.
100 thoughts on “The Addiction to the Narcissist : What is the Foundation?”
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Lorelei
Eating peaches as a means to gain fuel from females no doubt. Up next, tanned yoginis with messy buns put bananas down their throat whilst stretching.
Lorelei
Was the “beautiful work narc” the one that ate the peach? Good job Lorelei! Never date a guy who eats peaches in public. Nobody does that on accident.
Dear Desiree—you have no idea how chiseled his face is. It’s a work of art. Watching him eat that peach made my friend nearly die. I know exactly what she was thinking. I’m sure he has no deficits. But—his constant behavioral nuances make it hard for me to want to walk him off to a “quiet spot.” He’s more pathetic than my ex. My ex wasn’t one to overtly sulk.
Good , TY much I’ll do this one then
Jolly good.
Whoop whoop, good for you L. They are, as you say, boring!
Lorelei
I understand what you mean, perhaps it could read “Thinking you should take them on” instead, as walking away from the Narcissist is actually a far better way to impact on them as it threatens their control and lowers the empaths ET simultaneously.
HG—I would like to see you elaborate on the comment “thinking we can take them on” as a manifestation of ET. I agree that the thrust of wishing to do so is ET and will spike ET due to engagement. This comment is in regard to your feedback to another person. Narcissists (my ex for sure) is an idiot. There is a quality of elevating narcissists in general by suggesting they are so sly they must be avoided. They are often unpleasant but walking away is not because we “can’t take them on” like we are “weak or inferior.” I agree I can’t force a cat into a bathtub without a fight so why bother—but the cat isn’t smarter per se.They have different instinctive inclinations is all.
To recognise that you ought not to take the narcissist on, rather than trying to do so and fail and become impaled on the Devil´s Pitchfork, would make you smarter.
I do not state at all that walking away equates to being weak or inferior, indeed, with regard to beating the narcissist and conquering ET it is the opposite.
That is more helpful—because standing in an emotional corner pissing my pants over someone’s rudimentary means coping with life is simply not an option, nor is it empowering. This defense mechanism as explained in such fine detail by you is no longer baffling behavior—it has become elementary, almost boring. Eye rolling in fact. So, I understand that romantically wishing to spend time with some someone routinely having pity plays and other bullshit would be idiotic on my behalf—but always looking around the corner dodging idiots “Oh don’t challenge the poor narc” (or they’ll become anxious and lash out)—I hardly think is going to work. For me. Unfortunately, the impalement can happen in work places, but we need encouraged to be empowered when to recognize when it’s worth the energy or not in these unavoidable situations. I have a superior now that is a vile mid ranger—avoid. Yes. Colleagues bad behavior—I’m not pissing my pants.
You are using logic, hence the content of your reply. Good to read.
If you wrote differently so you wanted/felt compelled to interact, emotional thinking is governing instead.
Thanks HG—I even viewed the beautiful work narc with contempt because he was being pathetic last week. It would be like sleeping with an alien blow up doll.
You are welcome.
Seriously—and what a waste of absolute fabulousness! You know.. K is right—this disorder and loss of so much to the constant need for control is really sad in a way. From my perspective you may say— I know, although I do envy components of it indeed. Yet, the drive to always be in control appears very elementary (now) when I see it exercised by very intelligent individuals. It is a real mismatch. Emotionally vacant and intellectually sound. He has two masters degrees and a medical degree accompanied by a fellowship completion. It’s really really unfortunate that he and other very bright individuals are absolutely blind to their behaviors. You’ve been an incredible eye opener. I would squeeze you if I ever ran into you—much to your irritation!
Ha ha, I am pleased I have been an eye opener. That compliment is sufficient so you can save the squeeze!
I will hold the physical assault. I swear, dating/marrying these mid-rangers is akin to dating people that have issues tying their shoes. In a way. Like people that need coaching on how to tape boxes.
What’s wrong with that ???? 😉
I really wanted to consult about everything that had been happening to me last year , but when ever I think about any “ narc” I’ve known I just feel and think nothing .
Is this usefull in future use ? Because I never know who I’ll meet in the future .
Yes because it’s part of escape and also future prevention
::::injected w track marks haha!!
The addiction to the narcissist, what is the foundation??
I left him October 22nd 2017. I had found you through the haze. I’m no longer addicted to him at all. I look back and see how he hurt my boys and I…and I won’t ever tolerate that again. I haven’t thought about him in months, but something triggered it recently. I heard a song.
There is zero percent chance of me going back because I’m now educated! But I do have fantasies of ruining him, pretending to love as he did me, then sticking the knife in and twisting so hard he ends and begs forgiveness. He confesses his sins against us. I walk free, just to breathe. I spare him no hope or charity, I feel nothing. I behead him. I cry, not for him.. but of pure loss and exposing my boys to a charlatan.
Is it my emotional thinking to now think I can take him on? I want to play with him, tease him… it’s been over two years. I had this song sent to me randomly. I don’t know who from, I suspect it’s him.
Hello PV,
Your post is a useful example of demonstrating just how powerful and insidious emotional thinking is as it acts on behalf of the addiction. You are addicted, it never leaves you. Your fantasies of ruining him are driven by ET. Thinking you can take him on is indeed ET.
The sending of the song is a hoover, it caused a spike in your ET and see how you have reacted. You need to obtain the three Addiction APs to help you.
HG—comments like “thinking you can take him on” is indeed ET—but I don’t want to ever have anyone accidentally equate this to mean that whoever their “he or she” is—is so incredibly mighty and powerful. My ex is a coward. The addiction is powerful, NOT the abuser.
Presque Vu
Hello. Good to know that you are still free and doing well. Well……except for that ET you’re experiencing. He will not feel the knife, beg, or confess his sins – that is only a fantasy. You have been walking free. Keep walking – away from him (and lock down the entry point where that song got in). Your lack of acknowledgment in any way will be his torment (remember their motto is: Love me, hate me, but never ignore me. That is the only revenge you need.
Ok HG $ sent! Lay it on me
I have decided after listening different works of HG’s and read on the blog that my mother was a narc. I know she was all about herself and I go between hating her, always looking for her acceptance and not giving a rats ass about her. As she is dead now (no tears shed by me except when I heard her husband, the 4th by the way,
crying) but those feelings have not disapated for me. No closure. I tell myself she was what she was but that is just to soothe myself.
I digress……..
I found this article to be very informative. But in the back of my mind I wonder if the “I am addicted” is an excuse to keep engaging or if that is ET talking and using the “addiction” as a reason to engage. Either way, I have said all along even before finding HG, that I am addicted to him.
Well done Kim E, you are correct to identify that the shrug of “I cannot help it, I am addicted” is ET.
Logic states – “I have an addiction to narcissists. I can manage that addiction so it does not harm me. The addiction is not to be used as an excuse for engagement. It explains why I am driven to want to engage but I know and have the means of stopping that happen.”
HG
Now to get my LT back on track.
This is a wonderful product, I’m so glad I purchased it and I strongly recommend it to fellow readers. It made me dream of learning to manage other addictions I have (namely smoking) if I succeed in managing the narcissistic one with HG’s help. The parallels are obvious.
It also made me think of… Ancient Greek mythology and tons of narcissistic relationships clearly described there.
All in all, a very useful and inspiring material, HG. Thank you for producing it.
You are welcome DH, I am pleased that you and others have found it so useful. This is an important series of APs which should be utilised for the defence and freedom of each individual.
Very excited for this. Will purchase tomorrow. Thanks HG
You are welcome.
I read and enjoyed this thanks HG. I’m addicted to behaving in certain ways not just to the narcisisst. Behaving like a decent person really.
I resisted my inclination to respond to a passive-aggressive and inappropriate gift (hoover) sent to my home last month. Today I have received a bill for shared expenses on a holiday last year. It feels like he is going through a list of things that he thinks will get me to react. This one is a low blow for various reasons but mainly because he knows I’d sooner die than have someone suggest I owe them money. I can’t pay him what he has calculated without breaking No Contact. I’m not about to move house but my ET is soaring. I am thinking about him more than ever, no longing, just anger, so I feel anxious and every bit as ensnared as a couple of months ago.
I don’t know how to turn off the urge to behave like a decent person and deal with what he describes as ‘an outstanding matter’.
You are welcome.
I recommend you arrange to speak with me and we can tighten the no contact regime to reduce the incidence of hoovers and diminish ET so the anger and anxiety recedes.
Thank you HG, I’ll do that
Notme!
You don’t have to pay him fuck bugger all. If you felt responsible for that, you would already have paid it. It’s a dickhead move designed to get you to respond. Your ET is conning you into thinking that you have to pay, in order to have you break No Contact. Logic says it’s a sorry excuse because it would have been taken care of already if it was so important. There is NO outstanding matter.
Here’s a logic bomb: You are being decent. Decent to yourself in saying no to literally paying for more abuse. He is being a manipulative abuser who doesn’t deserve decent.
NarcAngel, if you ever decide to form a posse, I want to be on it.
Me too! I wanna be part of the NarcAngel crew.
We can have commemorative t-shirts to go under our black leather jackets.
Exorcism shirts from The House of Tudor of course!
You are right Tudorites
It suited his purpose to refuse to settle up last May. Exercising control probably as he knew I would want to pay my way. Grandiosity and future faking too at a guess. I know the money will niggle me but I won’t respond in anyway. He has re-written history again and he is welcome to his view that he is the injured party and even that he ended it. Delusional Twat!
Thank you for the Logic you guys I should never have opened the card to read his meaningless drivel. I have learned an important lesson I hope.
X
Notme! If you go for the consultation, HG for sure will help you turn that outstanding matter into a non-issue. You will feel so strong once you follow his bespoke advice.
Sometimes I wish for a hoover because it’s was fun actually practicing what HG teaches. It feels wonderful having power over the self.
I found this to be the worst part. It is so hard to get through these internal feelings that create anxiety even though you know you dont want them back. The anxiety creates such anguish like i have never known before, perhaps because i had to remap my past back to my childhood, and my mother’s too. Eventually though, NotMe, logic prevails and gains the balance of power. Definitely couldn’t have done it without consulting with HG at precarious moments.
Not me – don’t do it. You owe him nothing, I too like to pay my way (well I used to) happy for narcs to pay for everything now and receive nothing in return from me I don’t give a shit.
But I am NC with a couple of Narcs who were NISS. A couple of months ago I received something which they would have wanted (for me there was An emotional connection with the item I received), it was unexpected and out of the blue. My immediate reaction was I had to break NC to shAre this with them, my ET was high at this time (not because of the gift but due to an unrelated circumstance). I decided to wait and make my decision once LT had kicked in. It did and I gave them shit all.
Let LT prevail. You owe the N nothing. He is the one debted (but you don’t want that debt repaid) to you because you once gave him everything.
Alexis—we can have a narc take us shopping and then bolt!
NotMe!
They do that. If you don’t fall for the benign hoover, they shift to the more negative manipulations to see how to get you to still care. You are a good person, or else this person wouldn’t be trying so hard to keep your empath feelings focused on him. I’m not giving this person a break. Take the money that money and spend it on your next holiday without him.
Notme!,
“This one is a low blow for various reasons but mainly because he knows I’d sooner die than have someone suggest I owe them money. ”
He is taking advantage of this positive trait of yours to control you and to feel he has power over you.
I would continue ignoring him. Do not let him control you.
HG, Thank you so much for another brilliant logic assistance package. I listened through twice. I agree with you on both counts of origin and found the background information very insightful. Looking back, this explains a great deal. I have no other addictions so I originally resisted this concept, but I accept it in full for the reasons you delineate. It is a strong pull. I highly recommend this package to all empaths, whether or not they are in a romantic relationship with a narcissist.
Thank you FYC, I am pleased that you found it to be useful. It will assist people with gaining a fundamental grasp of why they have this addiction and answer many questions that will provide them with logic and bolster their no contact regimes.
All true, HG. I find that all of your works are very insightful standing alone, yet over time, after reading or listening to many, the collective effect is surprisingly even more revealing and insightful with regard to understanding ourselves and others on many levels. There is no other source that offers the degree of insight and understanding that you do consistently.
Thank you
With this addiction, I think it can also be quite informative and useful to identify what exactly one is addicted to – I am sure it varies, at least some, between individuals. Then think about how to satisfy those needs in healthier ways as I personally do not believe the needs can easy be just eliminated. This is something I have done in my recovery from substance abuse and it’s been immensely helpful, because the triggers and cravings don’t just go away with staying clean and sober and it can be very miserable if there isn’t anything to deal with them. Not sure how it works when people establish no contact with a narc but, intuitively, I would expect some some similarities with regard to experiencing intense cravings and difficulties not to act them out especially when a trigger occurs such as a hoover. For me, the intense cravings and not being able to control impulses well was pretty much the only thing that kept me in the cycle of addiction (that I passionately hated in the end) way too long and caused countless relapses, and mere willpower was definitely not sufficient to stop for good. It was very painful to be a slave of my own mind especially as otherwise I am a very independent, self-sufficient person. It kinda made me feel like my personality was a failure, until I identified the sore spots and learned to handle them properly. Staying away from an addiction using mere willpower is pretty much a guaranteed failure for people who are truly addicted to anything.
This explains the addiction and why. Tackling it is part of the GOSO Consultation.
I see, thanks for clarifying.
You are welcome.
I agree Dorion
Knowing it is bad for you is often not enough. I’ve been trying to identify exactly what it is that I am addicted to. So far: What I thought it was, the connection and the future that I thought we had.
This helped a bit.
If I smoked a cigarette or drank the wine (perish the thought) it would be bad for me but, it would have the same effect it’s always had and that I enjoyed.
If I contact the narcissist, it will be bad for me and will not bring back what I feel I’ve lost because it was never real. I would either be ignored, be back on a wheel of misery or be disrespected and upset.
Pass the wine!
Haha, I will definitely pass the wine! I am one who can handle and moderate narcs better than alcohol, but am not sure I would rather be addicted to those people. Maybe narcs are comparable to drug dealers in that they need to sell the stuff for their own survival. They get their fuel (like a dealer gets money and community) and the user gets the experience of distorted reality. With repeated experience, we know exactly how it is going to be and yet seek it / give in over and over again. Crazy indeed!
Do empaths develop tolerance to narcs over time, the way drug addicts often develop tolerance so that they need to take more and more (or stronger) stuff to have the same effect?
No, what you do is you reduce your emotional thinking so that you create a “safe zone” whereby limited interaction with the narcissist does not push your ET to a critical tipping point, but rather you operate in the safe zone so you have a very brief interaction and then get away from the interaction before you reach the tipping point.
I find it baffling that despite my years of hatred that it bothers me so tremendously. It’s like my hatred is boiling over if I see him—it’s not a wistful longing ever. It’s pure contempt. That has to be related to emotional thinking.
It is.
HG I’ve found also that the accumulated knowledge you give us- after time NC- has reduced my ET to such a point that LT is more instinctive in general.
For eg – and I’ll say it again for those in the back-I’m in a small town- kids dad saw me parked in my car a few weeks ago and approached , he wanted to get IN the car to chat (in the past I’d allow this) instead that idea was repellant and I said no. He then asked where I moved to- and I said “you don’t need to know that”
Well! HAAAARUMPFH!! He began sputtering (was so surprised by this denial of his entitlement and superiority I suppose couldn’t form a coherent sentence)
It was pretty satisfying. He tried to pull out the “I want to see my kid!” loudly of course, on the street, I just said “ok call him.”
And drove away.
I FELT calm, grounded, and what’s more is the idea of giving him my address FELT incorrect. No guilt, nothing.
Awesome sauce.
WokeAF
Perfect. All of it.
WokeAF…LOL. Perfect. Be rpoud of yourself. Tha tis a HUGE accomplishment
Pass the bong! (JK, reminds me too much of Jr. High.)
A bong?! I’ve seen them before.
Would this make me feel like less of a nut job?
You “feeling like a nut job” will be the effect of emotional thinking and this information provides a central part of understanding what you are and what drives your behaviour, so yes.
HG,
Is this Foundation package different than the Zero Impact where it talks about our addiction to the N?
Yes, it goes into details of the foundation of the addiction.
What u call Emotional Thinking has a counterpart in AA and NA. It might be called “stinking thinking “ when your mind tries u back to the addiction, and rationalizes and makes excuses, irrational decisions, etc
In fact going to google this one
Lorelei, I thought of you as I listened. You will benefit. I hope you’ve ordered.
Awe thanks. I actually just woke up. I’m sick and it’s not letting up easily. Not bad sick—annoying January style sick. I was a pain in the ass at the gym today because I was whining/kinda just not into it.. It’s sunny and pretty outside but I hate Jan-March because everything is dead.
Love the new gravatar Lorelei! He is really cute.
I just brought him inside Foolme. I think maybe he could use a diaper and have more roaming capacity.
I bet he would like that! It’s worth a try.
You know.. It’s like my relationship with my shih tzu Cooper. He’s really adorable. Looks like a gremlin mixed with Oscar the Grouch. Cooper is incontinent and even pees in his food and water bowl and in his playpen bedding. He is basically an idiot and makes my life difficult. But I am attached to Cooper because he is cute, he can’t help it and I modify my life to accommodate him. Living with a narcissist is similar. Cooper is a disordered dog but I’ll never leave him. I’ve never met a dog that pees in his food. My other two little dogs hate him because he even pees on their stuff.
Only you would have a dog that pees in his own food! 🤦🏼♀️
Hahahaha! I’m going to rename the super hygienic somatic MRN Cooper and think about him peeing in his own food rather than irritating me. This place is a tonic!
I think HG needs Cooper in his life. I can ship him now. He’s cute. Check the avatar.
You can’t give him to HG Lorelei, he will put his foot on him and use him to mop the floors with!! He already has his own little jet spray!!
Sounds like Cooper is not an idiot but has a medical issue. I’ll clean up piss all day long over a tool with incontinence of the mouth that gambles away my future and has a nipple ring. No contest. I’m glad you chose Cooper.
Cooper is featured as my avatar. He was a puppy in the photo. I’m not sure what is wrong with him. The kids thought I was mean keeping him in one room and insisted on taking him in their rooms to bed. He’s since peed on their beds so no one wants him. My house sitter didn’t believe how bad he is until she found pee in the water bowl, etc. I feel awful because the other two dogs won’t let him eat in a group and if he is outside he shivers terribly in the cold.
It’s pronounced “Lora lie”
You a nut job?!! Whatever do you mean?! Hahaha 🥰
Lorelei
Thank you so very much! You did not have to purchase this for me. That is so kind of you! I promise to pay it forward! 😘💞
Yes it definitely IS an addiction!
Very important subject. Is this a brand new product, HG?
Yes, it is a very important subject and crucial to all those who have had any involvement with a narcissist. It is a brand new product, freshly created at Tudor Towers for the benefit of my loyal readers.
Just what I needed. Sold!
Good. Sent.
We spoke, u listened, lol
I was thinking a Narc rehab in a tropical 🏝 location. 0 social media, detox, daily therapy,
Congra—how about Aruba?
Not if you want to bump into me.
You walk around in tangerine shorts in Aruba?
Other colours too.
No white bikini talk though. It’s not high water—unless you jump in. You know—Venice won’t even be warm enough for swimwear in March so I’m hoping to just have a nice jacket.
Probably the one I need most. We need that drug Narc-can, the one that counteracts opioids, lol.
It is absolutely fundamental information.
Right, sounds on point to me