Why Am I Behaving Like the Narcissist?
33 thoughts on “Why Am I Behaving Like the Narcissist?”
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Understanding Empathy : The Difference Between Empath, Normal and Narcissist
January 17, 2020
HG,
Why do they behave like narcs?
HG,
Well Said!
@NA and @Mercy….wow you guys wrote so much of how I feel. I never thought about how much I just want to be heard and validated. And a lot of that is because as a kid I was always told I was wrong all the time. If I liked something then it was just like my mother’s sister who she hated so I tried not to like anything that would set my mom off. To this day I can’t just like things even a color without worrying about what people would think. I also was told I was a manipulative selfish little bitch and that I thought I was better than everyone else. It kept me in line and it kept me from wanting to be that way. My parents hated me. I mean hated me. My mom apologized on her death bed for how she treated me then turned around and said do you think God will let me into heaven now that I apologized to you? So yeah that really happened and I am not exaggerating it and I have to accept that I really had a shitty family. (my mother convinced me that I blamed her for everything therefore it took almost 40 years to stop blaming myself and to maybe blame her a bit too. And we haven’t even gotten into my father ha ha. Whatever I would have been or could have been was snuffed out and I’ve been a codependent for as long as I can remember. HG has already validated that so that makes me a little relieved that I was right on what I thought I was.
So now everything I do in life I am scared of people hating me too. This made me second guess everything I do in life. Am I being manipulative? Am I a bitch? Maybe I’m the one that is the bad guy here? All I want is consistency from this guy and that is not happening. I am so frustrated all I do is scream and yell at him. Its awful. Now I’m crying too! I hate crying but I’m crying all the time! I despise the way I’m acting. It is draining to me. But honestly ya’ll are right. I just want some kind of validation that my feelings are real and not fake and I want to be heard! I want him to hear me! And now it is finally sinking in that it is all an illusion and not going to happen. I need to just let it go.
This forum helps me be reminded of the objective truths. Not all the feel good lovey lovey bullshit I get from other people in my life. Which I might have just manipulated in order to get that kind of attention. If anything, this experience has really made me realize I have to dig deep inside of myself and find out who I am…..thanks again.
Singasongy
Glad if something resonated. Digging is required, but with more focus on ourselves than our abuser. We need to understand their nature yes, but being obsessed with their behaviours does not serve us as well. You will get more unvarnished truth and validation here from virtual strangers than you do those closer to you. HG’s blog – keepin’ it real since 2015.
that is true. Today was the first time I had a consult and it was so refreshing to talk to someone that accepts the things I say about intuition and feelings and all that stuff without constantly saying to the other person, I know you think i’m crazy but….I didn’t have to say that to him, and it was so nice to feel accepted so I could just drive on with the topic at hand instead of worrying about what my friends or family are thinking the whole time. Cause I can see it all over their faces so I try not to talk about it to them.
Objectivity is everything to me….
I am objective, dispassionate and the expert. That is why you are engaging the best.
ha ha the way you say it like that but you were so much friendlier than I thought you would be! I was thinking you might sound monotone haha
Of course I am, there is no reason for me to be unfriendly to you.
Ordered this last night for myself in honor of my Narc’s bday today. The first time in 13 years I ignored/had no contact for his bday. This assistance package was enlightening. I am in “hell for leather” fighting back mode with a single target, just as HG described. Thank you so much for the valuable information!
Unfortunately, once HG really got enthused with the subject matter, I became quite smitten.
I may have just traded one Narc addiction for another………..🙃
The advantage is, this one will not harm you, but will educate you.
🙂
Thank you, HG
That was very helpful. My ET is a work in progress and NC/LC makes a significant difference. I felt better after listening to it.
Good to read, K
NarcAngel
You are right; it’s about balance, not destroying. My narcissistic traits are strong so I am getting this one today.
HG approves.
HG
Hahaha…next up will be understanding Empathy.
Hg approves.
Is every post from now on for payment?
This is the third time you have asked the question, albeit in slightly different ways.
On 14th January you wrote “Is this becoming the “pay for reed” blog?” and failed to understand the humour in my reply.
On 17th January you wrote “Is every article from now on for payment?” and I explained it was not.
You ask again, Termagica.
Given that :-
1. I have already answered you.
2. In between your questions there has been fresh content which you did not have to pay for.
3. You have been reading here fore some time and have had repeated access to free material , and
4. You know there is such a thing called the archives.
one must conclude that you are either Hard of Understanding and/or purposefully being needling.
I’m interested in this one because Im confused about what type of empath would think they behave like a narcissist. Probably one with higher narc traits. When I was in the relationship there were times that my narc traits were stronger
Mercy
I wondered that about myself previously. I was not able to be objective about it because I had stopped seeing the good. I had to have a total of my behaviours pointed out to me to see that I was most narcissistic when in protect or defence mode for instance and never for striking the first blow unnecessarily or to manipulate. I had been in protect and defence mode so long and seemed so odd next to those around me that I questioned if it were possible that he had imprinted on me so heavily that I had lost the good. Finding this place gave me the answers I needed and allowed me to breathe so that I could more clearly see that it was because of the good in me that I employed the narc traits when necessary. To balance – not destroy.
NarcAngel, I’ve just recently realized that my narcissistic behaviors are when I’m in protect or defense mode too. I like how you talk about total behaviors. We often focus on the qualities that we see as bad (or not so empathetic) about ourselves and don’t look at the whole picture. I’ve never thought I was a narcissist but I’ve questioned being an empath because of my narc traits (I really need to finish my empath detector questioner but I’m stuck on 1 question). I can see how growing up with a narcissist parent would put you in a state of constant defense and protect. Especially with siblings.
Maybe you or someone else could help me with something else I’ve been thinking about. When I’m in defense mode, it becomes very personal no matter who I’m defending. I can’t let it go until either 1. The person makes an effort to understand my point of view (regardless if they agree or not) or 2. I can understand the reasoning behind the other person’s behavior. With a narcissist, I know that neither 1 or 2 is possible. It’s the normals and empaths that that puzzle me.
To clarify my last paragraph, HG has done such a thorough job at helping me understand the reasoning behind narcissist behavior. I’m able to accept that there are no logical explanations aside from their need for control and fuel. I’ve always taken pride in the fact that I can step back from a situation and look and it from another person’s perspective and then form an opinion. What I struggle with is normals or empaths that have empathy but refuse to look at their behavior towards someone as hurtful. Even a greater has the cognitive ability to see his actions will cause pain. Normals and empaths have empathy so one would think that recognizing their own hurtful behavior would be a built in feature.
I don’t know. I’m probably just rambling. I have a very stubborn daughter that has high narc traits. Her and I are butting heads today.
Mercy
My guess is that you want to ensure that you’ve been heard. Too often we have been dismissed. Especially if you were raised with narcissists.
Mercy
Don’t you just love how our empathic and narcissistic traits pair up; it’s the perfect storm.
Defending someone (empathic trait of justice) and “not letting it go” (narcissistic trait of pride), pair up and you are looking for validation, to be understood, and it’s very confusing/frustrating when non-narcissists can’t see your POV. You start to wonder if everyone has gone mad.
Narcissists make complete sense to me and, like you, I sometimes find empaths/normals confusing.
K, Haha so true. I actually forgot that I bought “Why am I drawn to toxic behavior” yesterday. I listened today and proxy narcissism actually answers some of my questions. I’m guessing the not letting go is part of the addiction.
Mercy
Tenacity keeps us in situ, fighting and dumping out copious amounts of fuel. It’s no surprise why we are targeted.
Why……because I have the ability to step into their shoes. Now that I have a clear understanding of the perspective……They have no effect on me.
I do think I’m a narcissist. I’m serious HG. I always think I’ve misled you.
But I have evidence that I’m not: a 12 year relationship with a psychopath who had no emotional affect. Narcissists thrive on emotional reactions.
Also, Narcissists are attracted to me. So I must not be one. Unless they were all empaths.
For one.its a lot of fun ! And second,i’m adapting to my surroundings lolo. How are you HG ? Say ‘hi’ to the son you never wanted!
Will you be operating your original Twitter now that you’re out of their dungeon?
Both, MB.