Irresistible
Can you hear me knocking? Open the door and let me in? I know you want to. It is only me. You know me. You know me better than anybody else. Come on, I know you are thinking about me. That is what happens. I am on your mind and in your thoughts. I am whirling around in that messed-up mind of yours. It is messed up. I didn’t do it. I didn’t do anything wrong. I never do. It was a real state before I even appeared. I just took advantage. But look, that is in the past and we don’t need to talk about the past (expect I suppose when it suits me). I know you want to hear my voice again don’t you? You miss hearing me. You miss those long conversations on the telephone that we used to have, two hours or more where there was never a lull. I know you remember them. I know you keep looking at your ‘phone hoping that it will ring and that it will be me. I know you feel a phantom buzz when you have stashed your phone on your person and you keep pulling it from your pocket and checking. You tell your friends that your mother needs to speak to you, just so they won’t groan or roll their eyes at you for wanting it to be me. I know you are itching to call me. Go on, why don’t you? You can speak to me again and it will be just like before, all of the wonderful stuff. I will reinstate it in an instant because look, I have had a lot on, I have been tired, I have been worried and so on and so forth blah blah blah. I will trot anything out because once you see me smiling at you, you won’t be listening any more.
No, you will be thinking back to that kiss as we stood in that park with the sound of the breeze through the autumnal trees. That first kiss after the days of flirting through text and call. That magical, marvellous, mesmeric kiss. The first of a million. One in a million. I know you close your eyes and stand in that park and allow yourself to be taken back to that time a year ago. That day when we both drove there and met beneath the towering trees, the September sunshine still warm and I stood there, my magnetic smile on display as you half-ran towards me and I took you in my arms and then we kissed. Imagine doing that again? Oh you have of course. A thousand times.
Send me a text. You may as well. I will answer you and I will put a kiss on the end, just to tempt you. I know your heart will surge when you see that and all thoughts of staying away from me will begin to evaporate on seeing that. Text me. Just one text. It is easy enough. I know you haven’t deleted my number despite the promises you have made to do so. You just could not bring yourself to do it.
Call me. Ring me up and tell me what a bastard I am. Go on. Unleash that anger. Let it out. How many times have you sobbed to your friends about what I did to you? What a cruel and heartless bastard I am. I do not deserve you do I? No, but I deserve being told what I have done to you. You need to get it off your chest don’t you? You should. Go on, just press that button and I will answer you and you can let rip at me. Hey, even better, why not suggest we meet up and then you can have that show down that you have always envisaged. I know you have thought through all the things you have wanted to say to me but feel that I prevented you from saying when I just disappeared and then ignored your frantic attempts to get in touch with me. Tell me how broken I left you. Tell me how your friends hate me too. Tell me how your brother is going to batter me. Go on, I know that anger is still raging through you and you need to let it out. Surely after everything you have put up with you are entitled to one last hurrah?
Make that call late at night. I know you are lying in the dark thinking about me, hands entwined around the shirt I left which still smells of my scent. You know you ought to throw it away or burn it but you just cannot do it can you? You still want that connection. You still want to be able to inhale my fragrance and somehow relish the agonised joy as your mind is flooded with my memory. It is a lonely place now that bed isn’t it? Why not send me a text and we can exchange some saucy messages? Rekindle that fire again. It will make you feel better. I might even be tempted to come and see you and take you in your bed once again and let you experience the magic that I possess. The sex was brilliant wasn’t it? I know you cannot lie about that. I have heard what you have said to people about how you hate me but the sex was off the charts. Let’s do it again. Why not? It will make you feel so much better. Just text me, ring me, message me. You just have to reach out because I know you are dying to.
You may as well flick through those pictures again and smile with regret and longing as they evoke all those momentous times from when we were happy together. So many pictures, so many smiles. Have a look at my Facebook profile again. I did not block you. I would not do that. I want you to see how I am doing. Those messages are for you by the way. I am sure that the cryptic comments that I have posted with those pictures will have been picked up on by you and considered and reflected on. Those were for you. I wanted you to know how much I am missing you and you need your daily fix of stalking my social media. Yes, there was somebody else and I know you will have seen and been distraught to know that she was now receiving my love, my perfect love. How that must have burned inside of you as you realised that somebody else was now the recipient. I knew you would but don’t worry, she isn’t a patch on you so why don’t you come and see me and we can start it all again. I know you want to.
Come and see me. Help me. You are the only one who truly knows me. You know more about me than anybody else. The others, huh, they meant nothing to me. They were aberrations but you, you are the real deal. I love you still. I always have. Just come and see me and I will prove it to you. I will make the changes you want me to do and I know you believe in me. You see the good in me don’t you, you are the one who can let it out and help me. Please help me. I just need to be fixed and you are the one with the tools to do it. There is only you. Please don’t let me down. I need you. I will change. I will be better. I promise. Just come and see me and give me the chance to show you. That is only fair isn’t it? You are a fair person, I know you are, that is why I love you so much.
Come on, just get in touch with me and all this pain can go away. There is no need for it. You just need to press those buttons, dial that number or best of all just turn up. Imagine how romantic it will be. You turning up unexpectedly (but not really) in the rain and I sweep you into my arms again and everything will be good and golden and great once again. Do it. Do it. Give me the dressing down. Come to bed with me. Kiss me again. Tell me how you feel. Offer me forgiveness. Let me know what has happened to you. Tell me. Tell me. Tell me. Do it. Do it. Get in touch. Reach out. Stop the pain. End the hurt. Bring back the joy. Resurrect us. Ignite the passion. Let love reign. Do it. You can do it. I believe in you. End this agony. Let it go. Berate me. Love me. Chastise me. Fuck me. Hate me. Contact me. Contact me. Contact me.
I can hear my ‘phone ringing.
18 thoughts on “Irresistible”
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Oh H G, I visited your site many moons ago after I broke up with my wife. And now alas, the girl at work who I gave an inch (believing she was the whiter side of the coin – codependent) and she took a mile.
They sense my codependency and low self esteem from a mile away, I have been told I am an very attractive man, but I am shy with poor boundaries. Such an uncommon luscious combination for a female psychopath to ensnare.
She is young with an extremely good job for her age, beautiful, she is of a much higher ilk then my ex wife although her immaturity lets her down.
She gave me subtle signs of interest, flirtatious gazes, push pull, bread crumbing and has been testing my boundaries by parking near me in one of 4 different car parks for the last year (I am not imagining this, her car stands out also lets say) why have I let this happen? It massages the ego shall we say.
I have caught her gazing at me in the office, but she is incredibly difficult to get alone, in fact she seems shy near me, which lead me to give her the benefit of the doubt mistake-ably. But she followed this up with ignoring friends requests on social media and calendar invite at work from me (yes I embarrassingly went this far). As I lost my rag and removed all these at once on her latest ignorance she responded with a truly typical cognitive dissonance that she was confused I had invited her for coffee. Projecting that the idea she would be interested in the coffee was irrational.
This all happened yesterday and today she was in the best mood Ive seen her in, I see her shame has subsided and the sadistic pleasure born from her sixth sense that I was crying last night. Which started at the exact time she messaged me out of the blue (for the first time without me initiating conversation first) to cover her arse so I would not go to HR. Hell no would I go to HR and spark a smear campaign I cannot deal with.
As she sucks me in more I know I become further and further away from a believable side to my story, I am truly gaslit. But I do have experience on my side. What really sucks, is only you will understand whats happening here and the crafty tactics she is deploying.
I will leave for work early next week and reserve the spaces only available at those times, what will her next move be with a hoover around the corner, she had the audacity to park near me again today after we had “clear up” the misunderstanding last night. Shes not done with me yet. She can only bask in the glory of her first victory for so long as I regroup in new territory. I want to play this game and win but I cant, for with all the knowledge in the world. The one who who has empathy has the significant handicap in these matters. I’m tempted to trade a hoover for sex, but this one likes superiority, there is no way this is going to happen unless I call her my master. How much do I want to be free? contemplating Stockholm Syndrome, just emotionally drained and lack the strength nor esteem to deter her wishes, despite the fact I know there will be an inevitable discard.
I wonder if shes been lingering on this victory, the incredible surge of dopamine trickles down her spine as she..
Hello JB and welcome. I recommend that you ascertain that this person is a narcissist and which type (https://narcsite.com/narc-detector/) and then use (https://narcsite.com/how-to-stop-the-hoovers-assistance-package/) or consult with me to receive a bespoke solution (https://narcsite.com/private-audio-consultation/)
i have crossed the emotional waters and am on solid ground. there will be no phone call or texts from me. the thoughts don’t ruminate in my head as before. i am free.
Hi HG Just wanted to thank you for all your sage advice. It has been extremely helpful. I would also like to add that your site, probably unintentionally, has likely indirectly resulted in a lot of c-ckblocking. Based on the amount of visitors to your site, and assuming that many have become educated and enlightened, I would estimate that at the very least a few hundred narcissists are no longer getting any!!
Ha ha, stick a few more zeros on that number SKN and you are welcome.
OH STOP TEASING ME . YES, YES ,I WANT TO OPEN THE DOOR . I WANT TO PICK UP THAT PHONE , I WANT TO DRIVE PAST YOUR HOME . I NEED TO HOLD YOU IN MY EMPTY ARMS AGAIN.NO ONE CAN THRILL ME LIKE YOU DID . BUT I CAN’T , BECAUSE YOU DESTROYED SO MUCH BEAUTY I HAD IN MY HEART FOR YOU , ALL THE TRUST.. ITS ALL GONE. FOREVER. MY PEACE IS MORE IMPORTANT NOW . REGAINING MY HEALTH , MY FINANCES ,MY SELF WORTH. H.G. HAS TAUGHT ME THAT MUCH. YOU WILL DESTROY ME AS YOU SAID YOU WOULD ,I CANT LETTHAT HAPPEN . THAKS H.G.
What of the ones who are vile and vulgar and drool at the mouth as they speak to you. The epitome of what others imagine a stalker to be. So grotesque that you cannot stand to be physically near them or even speak with them on the telephone. Your such a bitch to them, yet still they keep coming back for more. Why the hell won’t the stop? The body language the verbal responses you give are not welcoming at all (you have no choice to interact because they are a colleague but you limit it as much as humanly possible for fear of being physicall sick) could not send the message louder or clearer that you find them repulsive and yet still the keep on knocking.
I can only think this particular individual is highly fuelled in other ways. WHen his fuel is low he leaves me alone, until it gets so low and he gives the pity plays. He lacks charm, he lacks being able to not bore the shit out of people or piss them off. His creature is so visible.
He has an IPPS. I think his fuel largely comes from her plus copious amounts comes from the wars he fights against different organisations to win petty stupid things which noone else gives a shit about. But for him it is a job well done, even if all he acheives is for them to admit he was correct. No financial compensation no residual benefit, nothing, just that he was correct. It fuels him massively. It is fucking weird!
Go away!
HG, While reading Dr O vs SM part 2, I stumbled across The Three That Got Away. Wow, just wow. I’m always intrigued when you give us little tid bits of your personal life beyond KTN. All three stories were good but the 3rd story was so beautifully written and I was carried away when you described the rain. Beautiful but so heartbreaking. I try to separate the HG here from the HG in the stories but I don’t think I can with this one.
The Three that Got away devastated me. The only thing worse than that was Knowing HG Part 3. I think I’m getting too emotionally invested.
MB,
Yes I agree. I read The Three then listened to Part 3 within days of each other. Very emotional. I’m finding that it’s getting harder to detach the more I learn.
Mercy, Part 3 hit me hard. Imagining little HG losing his best friend when he was a child. Not having adequate life skills to even begin to process the grief. And then adding the layers of hurt and guilt on top of it by being blamed. It really was too much for me to handle for a few days. I only read “The Three” once. I need to listen to “Knowing Part 3”, but I’ve been dreading it. I may just have to forget about whatever clues are there. Without having all the details, my mind fills it in with the worst, most painful things.
MB I’ve been writing down key info from each of the Knowing HG. I have 1 and 2 done I could post 3 on the other thread if it will make it easier for you (I think FYC mentioned she has transcribed it too) Don’t read “The Three” again. It was hard on me and I’m pretty good at staying arms length when it comes to that stuff. I don’t like that your feeling this sadness lately.
Thank you Mercy. Sometimes the sadness just hits me and I’m in a funk for a few days. I hide things away in my mind so I can’t think about them. It makes my memory very bad. I can remember the gist of things, but can’t always connect the dots. I don’t know how to explain it other than to say some things require processing time. I’m not so sure I’m such a super sleuth after all!
MB, I hope you’ve learned by now that you are allowed to have your sad moments. We all deal with our emotions in a different way and that is what makes us unique. It would be unfair to expect glitter and unicorns from you all the time. You may be emotionally invested but you’ve also invested your time to learn how to control those emotions. In my earlier comment I said that I hate that you are having these sad moments. What I should have said is that I’m sorry you are having these thoughts and I understand you are working through it.
You mentioned hiding things away in your mind so you don’t think about them. I think I know what you mean but hang in there while I talk this through. Are you hiding things away or are you filtering out things that will cause negative emotions or trigger ET? If it is the latter, I don’t think anything is wrong with that. I actually think it’s a good thing. I read the other day (after having a convo with fyc about neurosience) that our brain automatically filters out useless information when we learn something new. What does HG say about ET? It’s useless, the enemy. Maybe your mind isn’t hiding those thoughts but it is disposing of them because the ET triggers have nothing to do with the lesson to be learned. It’s not important to process those thoughts. And maybe now, when you go back and listen, you will be more focused. It’s just a thought.
Mercy, thank you for your reply. No need to apologize for saying “I hate” vs “I’m sorry that…” That’s just how we talk here. I say the same so I knew exactly what you meant 🙂
I’m glad it’s not the crazies for hiding things away. I seriously bury things so deep, I actually forget them altogether or struggle to remember them. If I can recall it, it’s fuzzy and like it may have happened to somebody else. I think it’s a combination of both reasons that you and FYC mentioned. I have a fear of negative emotions. Of that I am sure. I stuff them and avoid them and cope in unhealthy ways. Maybe the hiding away of negative thoughts is the filtering? Maybe I stuff the emotions and then hide away the information while the negativity is cleansed? I think I’ll be perfectly fine hearing the information this time. The heaviness isn’t there now when I think of it. Probably safe to access now. It’s clean.
MB
Has that been confirmed? That he lost his best friend as a child? Was his friend a child also?
It hasn’t been confirmed, but all clues point in that direction NA.