Something Does Not Feel Right

SOMETHING DOESN´T FEEL RIGHT

“I am left feeling I am not good enough”

“I am always waiting for him to call.”

“She never seems to listen to me.”

“I feel like I always have to respond straight away.”

“I do not feel settled.”

“I always feel like I am being scrutinised.”

“I feel like I am out of my depth.”

“I am always wondering whether he is serious or joking with me, I struggle to tell.”

“I cannot seem to think about anything other than him.”

“She makes me feel left out.”

“It seems like I am always running around after him.”

“I always feels like I have to please them.”

“I feel like I am on trial.”

“I find myself always having to explain myself.”

“It feels more like an obligation than a friendship.”

“I am often left wondering what is happening.”

“I am left feeling unsure of myself.”

“I feel like I am always on call for her.”

“I keep feeling jealous and that makes me feel bad.”

“I am anxious for him to leave her and be with me.”

“If I express an opinion I feel like I am being unfair in doing so.”

“It is great when we are together, but then am left feeling uncertain when we are apart.”

“I am sure he doesn’t mean to make me feel nervous, but I am.”

“I don’t think I am good enough.”

“I don’t want to let her down.”

“Nothing seems to bother him and I am such a worrier. I will put him off.”

“I don’t understand why he still keeps in touch with her, but I don’t feel I can say anything.”

“I am nervous I will mess this up and he is so wonderful.”

“It´s nothing specific, but there´s something that makes me uneasy. It is probably just me.”

Doubtless many of you will find some of the above comments will resonate with you.

You have been created with emotional empathy. This has formed the bedrock for your worldview and your perspective. This accords with a majority perspective and forms the basis for those subjective qualities of what is deemed as “good” and “bad”. Since you operate within the majority perspective it is your perspective of “good” and “bad” which prevails.

When you encounter something which contrasts with this majority perspective, you often do not see it as a clear, shining example. Instead, you have a “feeling” or a “gut instinct”. This is the manifestation of behaviour which clashes with your empathic world view. This is your alarm bell.

There are those of you whose alarm bell does not often ring at all, although you are limited in number. For most of those who are empathic, the alarm bell rings through some kind of feeling encapsulated by many of the phrases detailed above and more besides.

So far, so effective. You have an established worldview formed by your emotional empathy. When you encounter behaviour which contrasts with this empathic worldview, your alarm bell goes off. Where it is one of our kind (and it almost always is one of our kind) which has caused this alarm bell to sound, this is when the problem starts.

Your alarm bell sounds but you attribute it to the wrong cause.

You either think that the cause is an external reason for this alarm bell, such as

  • The individual is tired or exhausted
  • The individual is drunk
  • The individual is suffering from stress
  • The individual is suffering from grief or bereavement
  • The individual is under some kind of pressure
  • The individual suffers from anger management issues
  • The individual is highly strung

There are others besides.

The alternative is that you think the cause is an internal reason, namely your behaviour, such as

  • You are too sensitive
  • You have been hurt before
  • You are too direct
  • You think badly of people too quickly
  • You are too trusting
  • You were not listening
  • You judged too soon
  • You are tired, upset, stressed
  • You were insensitive to the needs of others
  • You were worried

There are others besides.

Accordingly, when your alarm bell rings, you end up attributing the sensation of something feeling wrong to either an external cause to that you are the problem.

This is incorrect.

It is akin to your burglar alarm going off and you think it was a passing cat or that you tripped the sensor yourself. It was the burglar.

Something which offends your worldview, offends the logic of your world. Your logic seeks to warn you by creating a feeling or a sensation (the alarm bell) so that you take action.

Unfortunately, two factors interfere in this warning system.

The first is a lack of understanding about the nature of the individual that is generating the behaviour which causes the alarm. The red flags that signal that it is a narcissist which is engaging in behaviours which are offending your worldview.

The second is the obscuring nature of your emotional thinking which does not want you to pay attention to the alarm´s actual source and instead diverts you to thinking it is the external source (incorrect) or your fault (also incorrect).

Your emotional thinking does not want you abiding by the logic of your world. It does not want you acting on the alarm by identifying the real cause (the narcissist) and then taking the logical step to avoid further harm (further feelings that something is wrong) by removing yourself from the real cause (the narcissist).

Your emotional thinking does not want to do what is best for you. It does not want you to know the actual source of the alarm nor act on that alarm. It wants you looking in the wrong place,e taking the incorrect course of action so that you remain interacting with the narcissist.

Your emotional thinking does not care about your physical health, your emotional contentment, your mental well-being or the state of your bank balance. It is not interested in you engaging with a healthy, normal and well-adjusted individual. That does not matter to your emotional thinking.

For a very unfortunate few of you, there is no inherent alarm system and you need to build one. It is hard work but achievable.

For the vast majority of you, you have the alarm system but it is infected and caused to malfunction by making you look in the wrong place for the problem and not act on the actual problem. Fortunately for you, this faulty alarm system can be corrected although it requires repeated and ongoing maintenance, which is naturally most worthwhile.

There is a valid reason why you feel something is not right. It is your early warning system, but it is not perfect and it is fundamental that you realise this and understand that it is here that you are able to perfect its operation.

63 thoughts on “Something Does Not Feel Right

  1. Narc noob says:

    Greetings HG, I came to say hello and turns out my bell has also been ringing. Haven’t seen the new blog until today so I had to find my way around again. Looks as though things here are steaming ahead like normal. 🤗👍

    I wondered if you could clear something up for me? Do you think it’s always the narc that brings this warning bell or sometimes our own programming. Some of us empaths like to over analyse, jump to conclusions based on a few small factors etc.

    Also, I have noticed that I wound quickly. Is there a reason for that given my SCE trait – perhaps my honesty? My inability to say/do the right thing is a precursor for this wounding which inadvertently leads to self retribution and shame.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      The alarm is internal to you.

      I do not understand what you mean by “wound quickly”.

      1. Sarah R says:

        When I said I “wound quickly” I meant, put offside, or cause myself to be painted black.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          All victims can be painted black in a millisecond, that is the speed by which control can be asserted. If you mean you become painted black earlier into the engagement as a whole with the narcissist, i.e. say after 3 months rather than 9 months, that is linked to you threatening the narcissists control.

  2. ava101 says:

    My department’s director, after he has tolerated the most incredible narc behaviour from a colleague of mine, which had cost me a lot of overtime, and the company money, …. and after tolerating people not showing up, not feeling responsible for their work at all, just taking off all the time, and not bothering to learn the most basic skills of their job …
    …. has told ME I wasn’t always friendly enough to those colleagues. No, I wasn’t always super nice, when people clearly overstepped boundaries by far, repeatedly, or logging 2 hrs for 5 minutes work, and so on.

    However, my point is …
    I am not sure and confused, if that director (whom I consider a really bad leader) is telling me that I am to keep a NICE girly facade at all times, and OMG never dare to speak my mind, or to set boundaries, and not to cause any trouble … to keep my mouth shut so he looks good and keeps me also under control — or if he himself is just too stupid to deal with other kinds of personalities. How do I know?
    I didn’t think so far he was narcissistic himself, but rather too nice, getting just walked over by some… but then again, he keeps everything strictly professional, not even one personal word at the Christmas party.
    I don’t know what to think.

    Either way, I feel he is taking my power away to assert myself, and set boundaries at the workplace, I cannot just let anyone just walk over me, and not be able to react to narc behaviour or worse in the apppropriate way.

    Speaking of accountable — same when a new aquaintance came to visit, and washed my wetsuit (surfing) on his own accord .. and the wetsuit was ruined afterwards, clearly because of hot water. At first, I didn’t even trust my judgement if it was really ruined, and when I finally asked him about it, he denied it of course, … but that he maybe was just too stupid. No accountability, no apology, not once saying it might be at least possible by accident, never offering to pay for the damage, but talking in circles, word salad, deflecting, and trying to change the subject. Also tried to say the hot water hadn’t been turned on for the shower, which is not possible here, it doesn’t run at all or with warm water, too.

    When here, he acted as if all my food and stuff were his to take, he finished something my mother had sent for my birthday, after I had told him this, without ever asking me.
    Also, when he was here -, for the 2nd time in my life, one of my car tires suddenly was flat, when with a guy …

    So, also to get to the point – he clearly wasn’t used to my kind of reaction to his bullshit.

    And, HG, I know now, what you mean with victim narcs who use sex for getting pity, because unable to xxx. OMG. Made me think so much of perfect narc sex by contrast that I am going to visit the last ex narc lover.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I am pleased to see that your understanding is increasing.

  3. CandaceMarie says:

    Where is HG?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Here.

      1. zwartbolleke says:

        I am so glad and relieved you are back Mr Tudor,
        Every time I am so afraid you did not survive the mission.
        I was worried for many days this time, quite a relief now!

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Thank you, but you need not be concerned. I am unstoppable.

          1. zwartbolleke says:

            “ I am unstoppable.”: I am grateful for that, thank you

  4. Kasia says:

    Mr Tudor! How are you? I hope you had a really good day!
    I’d like to ask: What do you think about men who have a good knowledge about how to pick up girls?
    I mean they know psychological techiniques like looking deep in the eyes, they have high self-esteem etc.
    Do you think that kind of men can be dangerous?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Kasia, I am excellent well thank you for your kind enquiry.

      Yes they are and they are either narcissists or misguided normals.

  5. Cat says:

    “There are those of you whose alarm bell does not often ring at all”

    Very important note.

    I always had the creeping very slowly growing agony that I wasn’t good enough. Blinded all alarmbells, and made me feel ashamed, with time.

    “Does this wonderful good person really allow me to meet him/her?”

  6. MommyPino says:

    “ You have an established worldview formed by your emotional empathy. When you encounter behaviour which contrasts with this empathic worldview, your alarm bell goes off. Where it is one of our kind (and it almost always is one of our kind) which has caused this alarm bell to sound, this is when the problem starts.”

    So true HG. And I think this might also be the reason why sometimes empathic people from church give the crappiest advice to victims of narcissists. Because the advice is coming from an empathic worldview which narcissists do not have. That’s why you’re the best source of advice when it comes to dealing with narcissists.

    1. wildviolet22 says:

      MommyPino- I found that to be true too. The article “The Three Little Empaths” talks about the different kinds of bad advice some people give when they don’t understand the situation, which was helpful. I have a “you have to have hope” person, who looking back, I probably shouldn’t have been sharing with about this situation, because my emotional thinking would sky rocket, and I kept getting sucked back in, when I should have blocked him and walked earlier.

      I do think she meant well, and was coming from a place of how would it affect me if he doesn’t make it. He has substance abuse, and I was taking the death of someone else pretty hard, so I understand where she was coming from. But at this point I only discuss this with people who get it, and who understand no contact.

      1. mommypino says:

        That’s very wise Wildviolet22. I have been decided to do the same thing. I will not open up about my narc experiences to people who doesn’t have the right perspective.

        I have met a lady who was also a narc victim and she told me that people from her church told her that maybe she should have more sex with her husband who was addicted to porn and prostitutes and maybe she should try to change her style or fashion. They meant well but they don’t have the knowledge that her ex husband is a narcissist. When I told her about the things that I learned from HG she said that I have given her answers in less than an hour that she was seeking for years. She even took a selfie of us and kept pointing at me in the picture and calling me an angel. It’s amazing how much power the truth holds and thankfully we have HG to show the truth that empaths are not capable of knowing by themselves.

  7. Ashley says:

    This is SO good & relatable. I always felt this weird vibe when I wasn’t with him that I was on edge or worried about what was going to happen. I told myself I had to be imagining it because he was such a special person blah blah blah. I always felt he would leave me soon which made no sense to me because he always spoke in terms of being with me for the rest of his life. Also, he was always saying things that one day I’ll get tired of him & leave him, one day I’ll disappear. I had no idea why he seemed worried I would do that because all I did was practically worship him. Then he did that very thing to me. I wish I would’ve believed my fear feeling instead of doubt it.

    1. Violetta says:

      Ashley:

      Ancient Split Enz song:

      Look at you, you’re a pageant
      You’re everything, that I’ve imagined
      Something’s wrong, I feel uneasy
      You show me, tell me you’re not teasin’

      I don’t know why sometimes I get frightened
      You can see my eyes, you can tell that I’m not lyin’

      There’s no doubt, not when I’m with you
      When I’m without, I stay in my room
      Where do you go, I get no answer
      You’re always out, it gets on my nerves

  8. Intrepid Traveller says:

    This is interesting and very much how i got caught up for so long from ignoring red flags. It’s also interesting with regards to my reaction now i have been learning from this site for a year or more. I recently had a client come to my place of work, who mentioned she was divorcing and gave me details of her husbands behaviour which told me he was most likely to be a narcissist. That was a month or so ago. My place of work, being the industry it is, meant that her husband happened upon my office as well just last weekend. I didnt know it was her husband first of all until a way into the conversation. Before that point, i have to admit that i was immediately attracted to him and i felt an attraction from him to me. Are we, i wonder, almost naturally programmed to this attraction even in the first moments of meeting? HG be proud, my logical thinking reminded me of the conversations with his wife and my judgement of her husband despite not meeting him which kept saying ‘don’t go there despite the attraction’, ‘dont think you will be different or can manage it better than her’. Something must have toned down the attraction as he backed off. My head is having a battle still, thinking ‘why not’ versus ‘narcissist’!! its definitly giving me food for thought and this post is spot on.

  9. SMH says:

    Great piece, HG. Awareness is the first part of the battle. This particularly resonated with me: “It is great when we are together, but then I am left feeling uncertain when we are apart.” So very confusing. I was constantly asking myself, why would he want to fuck things up? Couldn’t figure it out to save my life, but you did.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you

  10. Kathleen says:

    This one is a great catch-all essay! It is very clear and to the point And just about anybody can relate to it I would imagine -even if they maybe begin ignoring red flags but then they stopped or they never ever ignore red flags. I think most adults have run across someone who sets off some red flags/makes them feel “off” -etc.

    In my case -After being amazed by the narcissist behavior I had to look at myself and realize that I overlooked and chose to ignore so many red flags from the start..and that points to something lacking inside me That I was seeking from the narcissist..

    I grasped on and was Thinking Many of the thoughts listed in the article plus mainly… I can help them, They’ll change for ME, They will see how dedicated I am, I’m smarter than their ex, I’ll figure out how to settle down with them,
    Tthen towards the end when I realized they were never going to change…and I’d made a big mistake I thought,I can handle the crappy behavior until I find someone else.. But I was addicted -never left and was instead discarded, disengaged from.
    Which still hurt even though I really wanted it to end because it was such an awful feeling most of the time. Anyways I feel so much better with so much less anxiety/ my mind is so much clearer.
    The alarm system is it your intuition -it’s always right. It’s there to protect you and keep you from harm.
    I believe I’m cured from falling for one again-
    But I still enjoy occasionally drinking at the fountain of Tudor for reinforcement and validation. And to see what’s going on in the world of Tudor.
    I’ll definitely post the link to this in next bad relationship advice column i see.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you Kathleen.

    2. Ditto Kathleen. On all of that. Very well put.

  11. CandaceMarie says:

    My alarm is not broken, I just have a habit of ignoring it. When I was with the lesser I attributed his behaviors to cultural differences. He was from England and I’m in America. Every time he did something that seemed odd to me I remember thinking “I guess that’s how relationships work in the UK”.
    When he sexually assaulted me I didn’t blame it on cultural differences. I knew it was wrong. And I told him but he didn’t care. He just shrugged it off.

    On a different note, my ex husband, who may or may not be a narcissist. I never did a narc detector on him. He always made me feel like I wasn’t good enough. I was always exercising and dieting just to try and get his approval. It never happened. He had online affairs. I found dirty pictures on his phone that he had sent to girls. He even admitted to me he had been chatting with other girls online. He couldn’t be trusted. Not being able to trust your husband is the worst feeling ever.
    Right after we separated he had his new girlfriend move in and he has cheated on her. She forgave him and stayed. Just today I stumbled on his Instagram account. I was not even aware he had one. He is following 847 girls. Some things never change. I’m just happy I don’t have to deal with it anymore. He is her problem now.

    1. Cold Hard Truth says:

      I’m sorry that you experienced this. It’s hard for American women to understand European men. It’s best not to engage at all.

    2. Violetta says:

      CandaceMarie:

      I bet the reverse of that is what ‘Arry Windsor’s been telling himself. “Americans are like this.” “People in show business are like this.” Wrong on both counts, poor lad.

  12. Hope says:

    I developed a physical narc defense mechanism after a couple extremely traumatic experiences. After a certain telling statement or action was taken during the seduction phase: my body would feel nauseous and I would be turned-off immediately. My mistake was telling the other person before cutting them off and allowing them to explain and pause my escape long enough for them to change my mind. In hindsight, I wish I would have never explained anything and just listened to my gut and ran away without a glance behind me.

    1. lisk says:

      I did a lot of “telling” with Narcx, too, and got the overkill on the “explaining.”

      Like you, Hope, I should have just kept it to myself and hightailed it out of there—instead of listening to therapists who encouraged me to “be vulnerable” (Brené Brown is an idiot) and “talk it out.”

      One can’t talk anything out with a narcissist. That’s just giving him or her intel.

      1. Hope says:

        I read that book too! “Falling Up” by Brene Brown. A therapist recommended it. It is useful for normals. Not so much in a narcissist-empath dynamic.

        1. lisk says:

          Exactly!

      2. Violetta says:

        I had never heard of Brown, so I looked up a few of her titles.

        I recommend Barbara Ehrenreich’s Bright-sided: How Positive Thinking Is Undermining America as an antidote.

        1. lisk says:

          HG Tudor’s Knowing the Narcissist is my antidote!

          1. Violetta says:

            Lisk, do you think there’s any possibility that Brown is a Mid-rAngel? Something about all those perky titles smacked of the Addams Family Values Happy Hut.

          2. lisk says:

            At this point, I am of the solid belief that ALL self-help gurus are narcs. I’m glad we found one that admits to it!

          3. HG Tudor says:

            Absolutely and therein lies the advantage

          4. mommypino says:

            Violetta, are you saying that a perky outlook in life is a red flag for being a Mid-Ranger?

          5. Cold hard truth says:

            Being an obsessive delusional “guru” is NOT an advantage.

            That crystal palace will shatter eventually.

          6. Violetta says:

            I like my Narcs out front and center, where I can see ’em.

          7. Renarde says:

            lisk

            I get you on ‘self help gurus’.

            I dont think they all are but the VAST majority are. Totally.

            This will amuse you. I’ve been in contact with a guy who is running a group at Oxford University. He has been attempting to teach ’empathy’ to medical professionals.

            I emailed him, basically stating I am a teacher. I could do this. Want to have a chat? He responded that he was the only person who did this. Can he add me to the mailing list?

            A closer inspection of the website reveals that the program is under review.

            No shit, Sherlock.

            Of course I’d clocked what he is. I wondered if he would pick up on who I am. Perhaps he did but in a very understated way.

            Either way, narcs are now completely muscling in on our territory. The world has gone mad.

          8. lisk says:

            Narcs were never NOT muscling in on our territory!

          9. Renarde says:

            lisk

            Oh, agreed!

          10. MommyPino says:

            We miss you HG! Hope you’re ok!!

          11. HG Tudor says:

            I am tickety boo, as always.

          12. mommypino says:

            So glad to see you back HG!

          13. HG Tudor says:

            Thank you.

          14. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Welcome back, HG. I watched a very good movie last week, The Good Liar. I wanted to comment about it but you were MIA.The protagonist, played by Ian MacKellen (aka, Magneto) is a narcissist, but the curious thing is that at some point in the movie he said “tickety boo.” I giggled. You have been missed!

          15. mommypino says:

            I love when HG says he’s tickety boo. It brings back the images from his article.

          16. lisk says:

            Speaking of movies, I want to see The Invisible Man with Elisabeth Moss. It seems like it might be about everpresence.

          17. mommypino says:

            Lisk, I saw a comment by a victim on a FB narcissist support group about that movie. She said that the dynamic is accurate. The science fiction part is not accurate but the emotional dynamic is. She said that the actress was very convincing in portraying a victim of narcissistic abuse. She said that it was extremely triggering for her and it was also terrifying.

          18. mommypino says:

            There’s a FB support group that I hang out a lot. They don’t censor my posts and I’m able to recommend HG’s services and bulletins to people who need them.

      3. MommyPino says:

        I have read Brené Brown’s Dare to Lead and I like it but I agree that narcissists are the exception to the rules. I bet she is an empath.

        Talking it out used to be my philosophy of how to fix differences. I thought that it would be easier to put ourselves in each other’s shoes if only we are honest with each other and let each other know of how we make each other feel with our actions. I tried that with my half sister and stepdaughters (narcissists or narcissistic) and they both welcomed the honest email exchanges where I have let them know my perspectives why I behaved that way and how certain behaviors of them were hurtful and where I was coming from. I thought that it was progress because my emails were welcomed and they always replied with so much interests. But then when I saw them in person they repeat the hurtful behaviors as if our email discussions never happened or they didn’t remember what I have told them. Interestingly my Normal husband doesn’t like long discussions. He just wants me to tell him what I don’t like him to do and he will stop doing it. He doesn’t want to know my inner wounds etc. lol. Which is actually nice and helps me to not wallow in my past.

        1. lisk says:

          I was assigned Brené Brown’s vulnerability Ted Talk by the therapist who, for five years, could not see that I was in a relationship with a narc. I thought about buying one of Brown’s books, but couldn’t get past the free preview.

          Anyway, sounds like that letter writing was a bit of a fuel fest for your half-sister and stepdaughters. Maybe they framed your letters somewhere!

          I much mor like your husband’s approach. I’d like to find someone more like that.

          1. mommypino says:

            I have not seen Brene Brown’s Ted Talk but I can imagine that it’s oozing with positivity lol. I don’t watch Ted Talks anymore as a lot of them tend to be too idealistic ideas of people who live in some kind of bubble.

            I enjoyed Brene Brown’s book because it was like reading my thoughts a lot of times. She talked about having the courage to stay true to your values etc. She reminded me of myself before the narcissists dimmed my sparkle lol. The thought processes that she had were the ones strong on me when I was accomplishing things in life and it was nice to be reminded of that. I am grateful to HG opening my eyes to the world of narcissists and their involvements in my life. But it was nice to read something that I can relate with inside and has the same values that I hold. I don’t want to have more narcissistic traits and I can’t relate to narcissistic traits. I don’t want to behave like a narcissist because it’s like behaving like someone else. But I’m very happy with the perspectives that HG gave me and it is always a part of how I see things from now on. And that and positive and can do attitude and ideas, loving myself for who I am and sticking to my valued all make me an empowered empath.

            I saw

          2. mommypino says:

            I pushed the send button accidentally.

            I saw a movie called Mr. Woodcock and it was about this Empath who wrote a self help book that became a bestseller and he went back home to receive an award and found out that his mother is dating his narcissist coach who bullies him when he was young (Mr. Woodcock). So he applied everything that he wrote in his book only to hate his book and say that his book is crap. It was a funny caricature of Narc and Empath dynamic.

          3. mommypino says:

            Having said all of that, I just want to add that in all honesty there’s no other work that has made a bigger and more positive impact in my life than HG’s.

      4. WiserNow says:

        That’s true Lisk. The more you tell a narcissist, the more they can use that information against you.

        When I was younger, I thought that being honest and truthful and transparent with a narcissist would “somehow” rub off on them and they would then be more inclined to adopt the same attitude and be truthful and transparent too. At the time, I didn’t know they were narcissists. I thought they had a conscience and were capable of emotional empathy if they wanted or chose to be.

        Ha! I may as well have given them a personal guide on how they could better manipulate me. They will use any kind of emotional or private information about you to either manipulate, hoover or play mind-games.

  13. manhartg says:

    This is profound. It encapsulates the very moment someone falls for the first and most lethal victimization. I want to give emotional baseball bats and hockey sticks to all those that were “raised right”. You narcs….I want a bat or a crosscheck waiting at every wrong move you make, for all the pain you cause. I am working to awaken the world to your brokenness, your inherent evil, your evil child intellect, to protect the innocent, and harshly steer you into paths you would never trod, for you own good. I have not failed at any of my goals yet, and I think this may be my first long term goal-failure…you are that broken. Be advised.

    1. WiserNow says:

      manhartg,

      When I read your comment, I had to stop and re-read it again in detail. Wow, where to start in responding…?! However, I would like to respond anyway.

      You say, “It encapsulates the very moment someone falls for the first and most lethal victimization.” You sound angry and emotionally resentful that a person would victimize someone deliberately. I understand your feelings about this. However, in your statement, you also say “the very moment someone falls”. This means that even you, in your anger and rightful indignation, say that someone else has ‘fallen’, another person, also potentially capable of seeing and being aware, has indeed become persuaded (for whatever reason) to fall for, or believe in, the narcissist. In these relationships, it takes two people. One is predatory and craves power over the other, however, the other for whatever reason, is attracted to the predator.

      Rather than maintaining anger against the predator, it would be more helpful to understand and address the need/attraction that the victim has and exactly why they had “fallen”.

      You say, “I want to give emotional baseball bats and hockey sticks to all those that were “raised right”.” and also “You narcs….I want a bat or a crosscheck waiting at every wrong move you make, for all the pain you cause.”

      Whether you can see it or not, you are promoting aggression and the application of violence and pain on someone else who you judge to be making ‘wrong’ moves. At the same time, you are also saying that the use of aggression by people who were “raised right” is justified. How would you determine who is “raised right” and who is “raised wrong”? Would that be based on your own personal judgement? Would it be based on the way you, yourself, were raised? Does the promotion of emotional violence using baseball bats sound like something that a person who was “raised right” would do?

      Also, you say, “I am working to awaken the world to your brokenness, your inherent evil, your evil child intellect, to protect the innocent, and harshly steer you into paths you would never trod, for you own good.” While ‘awakening the world’ is a very noble gesture, it’s also grandiose. Some of the world may already be ‘awakened’ with or without your help. Some of the world may not even care whether they are awake or not. But, thank you anyway on behalf of the whole world.

      You seem to know a lot about ‘evil’. Is that knowledge gained from reading the bible or being religious, or is evil something that you have studied and researched? How would you actually define “evil”? How would you define “innocent”? What does it mean to you to be “broken”? By “broken”, do you mean that someone doesn’t see things the way you do or behave the way you think they should?

      manhartg,
      I’m sorry for bombarding you with questions if your comment was simply a way for you to express your anger after being manipulated by a narcissist. I know how angry they can make you and how it helps to rant sometimes. If that’s the case, I can relate and I can understand your emotions.

      I felt the need to respond because I have found that greater awareness and questioning of your own personal emotions and reactions can lead to a more balanced and healthy mindset and better emotional regulation. In turn, this leads to less likelihood of being susceptible to different forms of manipulation by other people.

      Thank you for your comment. It was helpful to consider some of the aspects you mentioned.

    2. MeMe says:

      Well, I guess I got my answer….
      Saw a male picture and wanted to know what guys post since most posts are from females.
      “raised right” I.just.can’t.

  14. Charlene P says:

    This is an amazing post – thank you HG, it explains so much. I have fire engines going off and still ignore.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome.

Vent Your Spleen!

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.