The Middle Mid Range Narcissist´s Portentous Pity Play Manipulation

THE MIDDLE MID RANGE NARCISSIST´S PORTENTOUS PITY PLAY MANIPULATION

“You know you really shouldn’t get involved with me you know, I am damaged.”

“Well, it is a little bit late for that isn’t it? I am already involved.”

“I know and I am glad to hear you tell me that, really I am, because I want you more than anything. I have not wanted anybody else in the way I want you but it is because of that I think you would be better off without me.”

“Don’t be silly, what do you mean by that?”

“You are so wonderful, so perfect. I truly have not met anyone like you. It is as if everything I have ever wanted and needed in somebody has been put together and rolled into one.”

“That is lovely of you to say, but I am not perfect, far from it.”

“To me you are.”

“Bless you, that is so sweet. I think you are wonderful too, not at all damaged. I cannot believe you said that.”

“Well I am.”

“Not from where I am sitting. You are incredible. Thoughtful, loving, attentive, interesting, sensual and so passionate. Those are just a few of the things that spring to mind when I think about you.”

“What else?”

“Oh let me see. Generous, yes generous and kind, considerate and successful. Entertaining as well. I don’t think I know anybody who can light up a room like you do. I love to watch you when you have everyone’s attention, I can see how much they love to listen to you.”

“Oh you are just saying those things to make me feel better.”

“No not at all, I mean every word, I really do. I have not met anyone as special as you and that is why I love you as I do.”

“You shouldn’t, I don’t mean to be rude, but you will only get hurt.”

“How? By you?”

“Yes.”

“How?”

“I don’t know; I just always seem to mess things up. It may sound strange but somehow I want to think, I mean, I kind of know it should work with you, with you more than anybody else, I suppose I am just terrified that what we have is so wonderful, so perfect that I might do something to ruin it and then you would be hurt and I could not stand for that to happen.”

“You see, there you are again, considerate and kind.”

“I could not live with myself if I hurt you and I just do not want to run that risk of that happening. You do not deserve to be hurt.”

“That won’t happen, I can feel it. What you and I have is something out of the ordinary.”

“Yes we have haven’t we?”

“Absolutely. I love you and you love me and nobody is going to change that.”

“I know, I know, but what if, you know I do something?”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know, it is just that well, previous relationships have not exactly been successful have they? My track record is not great.”

“No but that wasn’t your fault was it? Look, you told me all about what has happened in the past. Not many men would be so honest as you to admit to what you have gone through. That takes real courage and is typical of the honesty and decency you exude. You are a good man and you have been treated abhorrently by some wicked people. Oooh, if I ever met them, I don’t know what I would do.”

“I knew you would understand. You always do. You get me. They never did you see. I tried you know. I always tried to make it work. I just wanted both of us to be happy but you know when whatever you do is not enough? When no matter how hard you try to please somebody but they always find some kind of fault? That was them. They made me feel like it was my fault a lot of the time. They had that way of twisting everything around so I was made out to be the villain. It is hard to explain it, but that is what they did.”

“I understand. There are some people who just delight in the misery of other people but that is not going to happen with you and me.”

“No?”

“No. We have both suffered previously.”

“I know. That is why I do not want to hurt you, you have had enough from the past and you deserve to be treated properly.”

“Well that is what you do. I could not ask for a better boyfriend, I really could not. You put me first, ahead of everything and you do so much for me. I really do appreciate it and each day I feel more in love with you because of what you do for me.”

“Thank you. That is all I want. Both of us to be happy. I think it must just be because of what has happened in the past, I am worried that this time, having found you, it will go wrong again and you will be hurt and I could not live with that.”

“Honestly, there is nothing to worry about. You have just been made to feel like this because of what they have done to you. It is understandable. I know you won’t hurt me. How could anyone who says the things you say to me ever hurt me? I have never had someone say the wonderful and beautiful things you say to me before. You leave me in tears. Tears of happiness admittedly because you just know what to say, you understand me.”

“Yes. There is a connection and it is deep and meaningful and I do not want that ever to be severed. I will fight to my dying breath to stay connected to you. I want to become you.”

“See, there you go again, saying the most wonderful things.”

“You bring it out in me. If it wasn’t for you I don’t know what I would do.”

“Well you don’t have to wonder do you? You’ve got me and you always will have.”

“Do you mean that?”

“Absolutely.”

“You see I am really in heaven every time we kiss. I don’t ever want to hurt you or lose you.”

“That will never happen. You have me forever.”

“I hope so, I really do.”

“You do. Now, let’s not have any more talk about you hurting me, that isn’t going to happen. We have the rest of our lives to be together and be happy. Let me get another bottle of wine, no, it is my turn, you stay there. You do enough running around after me, let me do something for you for a change.”

“Okay, same again please.”

“Coming right up. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

17 thoughts on “The Middle Mid Range Narcissist´s Portentous Pity Play Manipulation

  1. Contagious says:

    My MId Range hubby sounded exactly like that for long periods of time. Until it ended. Caused great confusion and pain. Add grand gestures of love, compassion for animals, compassion for homeless, kindness to kids, making a good impression on my family “ nice guy”, liberal outlook, love of the arts, and finding God after years into our marriage. Praying. It’s why it’s so hard to believe he is a Narc. Hard to believe none of it over 7 years was real.

  2. kaydiva3 says:

    HG, is this type of narcissist’s friends likely to see the reality of what he/she is over time?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      If they access my work, yes they will. Otherwise they are unlikely to do so because they will form part of the facade and will generally be treated well by the MMR. They mat think he or she can be a touch overbearing at times with the “niceness”, they he or she might be somewhat sensitive or prone to tears, but they will not see what is really happening.

  3. Whitney says:

    HG the God,
    Is Oprah Winfrey a Narcissist? I definitely think so.

  4. Stella SHELF Unmaskers says:

    Just perfect! My Narc used to tell me the same things, saying he was living on another planet, infact, as HG stated in the Narc-Consult about him, he is a Middle Mid-Range

  5. Katie Smart says:

    The dichotomy is that how can anyone be so clever yet lack so much understanding

    1. WiserNow says:

      Katie,
      When I first read your comment, I completely agreed with you. I thought, yes, that’s so true – a narcissist can manage to become a surgeon, royal spouse, even US President, yet they lack emotional empathy and a conscience and can’t truly have that kind of ’empathic’ understanding.

      Then I thought about the human brain in terms of how it develops. A narcissist’s brain develops in a certain way. Similarly, an empathic person’s brain develops in a certain, yet different, way. Both brains can be described as ‘clever’ but in different ways.

      The empathic person lacks the understanding (or motivation) that a narcissist has, that is, how to behave strategically in social situations in order to maintain power and control.

      The narcissistic person lacks the understanding (or motivation) that an empathic person has, that is, to genuinely consider other people’s feelings as important, or sometimes, even more important, than their own and to sincerely reciprocate in relationships.

      I understand what you’re saying and I can relate to it very much. I’ve felt that way so many times. The more I read and learn about the human brain, brain development and how personalities develop though, the more I think that there are different ways to be clever and different kinds of understanding.

  6. Lucia says:

    But if mid-rangers aren’t aware of their behavior, we can’t really blame them? It’s just that they don’t know any better, it’s their nature. They don’t intentionally hurt anyone? Is it possible for them to work on cognitive empathy more and thus become better partners/friends/relatives?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Not at all. Do not allow your emotional thinking to mislead you into thinking you should not blame them, that is one way your ET exploits your empathic trait of compassion to cause you to continue to interact with the narcissist, continue to feed your addiction and cause you to remain embroiled in the entanglement with the narcissist.

  7. WiserNow says:

    Speaking of mid-range narcissists (i.e. Meghan Markle), it is interesting that Prince Harry is now asking to be addressed as simply “Harry”. From April onwards, he will no longer be addressed as “His Royal Highness” or “Sir” or “Prince”.

    As far as titles go, I don’t think Harry personally cares that much whether he is addressed as Prince Harry or just Harry. I don’t believe he personally feels that is a ‘devaluation’. Meghan, on the other hand, probably does see it as a ‘devaluation’. She seems to me to place more importance on the ‘superiority’ element of being a royal.

    I find it interesting that this kind of change in personal status – when it comes to Harry’s mindset – could be perceived as either voluntary or involuntary. Voluntary if Harry personally would feel more comfortable being addressed as an equal without the formalities and protocols. Involuntary if his decisions are being manipulated and guided by the wishes of his wife.

    HG,
    Is it still ‘devaluation’ if Harry is not personally bothered about losing the titles or being addressed differently? From the outside looking in, the public may see his loss of titles as being a form of subordination, however, if Harry actually prefers to be called “Harry” instead of “Prince Harry”, is it still subordination?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Yes WN it would be devaluation. He may give the impression of not being bothered although he is and privately it shows, so control is obtained. Alternatively, if he’s not bothered it’s still devaluation but it failed.

      1. vandenboss says:

        And when she tears the royal family apart she will be remembered,no oblivion for little Meghan ?

      2. WiserNow says:

        Thank you HG. It looks like a clear devaluation to me, however, an onlooker can’t know exactly how Harry feels about it. It’s shocking, I think, that Meghan has caused such a drastic devaluation to Harry in the short time that she’s known him.

        They have still retained their titles as Duke and Duchess of Sussex, so in that respect, the door is still open for Harry to return to the UK and regain his title as Prince Harry one day if his circumstances change.

      3. Butterfly says:

        HG,
        When is your next chapter of A Very Royal Narcissist? I was hoping to see your take on that last statement from the Sussexes where they shaded Her Majesty.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Hello Butterfly, it will be published when I have an opportunity to write an update. I have had professional commitments which have precluded from doing so.

        2. Violetta says:

          There were also hopscotching all over Westminster Abbey so Ed and Sophie wouldn’t sit down first.

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