Stargazing With the Shieldmaiden

STARGAZING

 

The Shieldmaiden and me journeyed into the countryside recently. It was a jamboree of navy blue, green and sky blue, with the magnificent countryside all around us. There was nobody to see and nobody to see us. The only sound was that of the beck rushing by our lodge and even that was muted when we rounded the bend from our sanctuary in the mountains.

The cloudless sky that had embraced an unseasonably warm day remain unblemished as night arrived. Following a satisfying dinner, The Shieldmaiden and me extinguished every electric light, lantern and candle at the lodge and then ventured outside as our eyes adjusted to the darkness. The moon was low to the east, having just ventured beyond the horizon and the tree line beneath it, its milky pallor not able to impact substantially on the cloak of darkness which now enveloped everything around us.

We stepped onto the extensive veranda which surrounds our lodge and then lay down on our backs side by side as we looked upwards to the wheeling heavens. The evening air was cool, but not frigid and all that could be heard was the gurgling of the beck a little distance away. The birds and animals had fallen silent and the harsh sound of humankind was absent from this haven. No horns, no engines, no sirens.

Silence.

As we lay there, the vastness of space loomed over us. The shimmering stars from light years away glinted and sparkled for us. Thousands of them, clear and visible, since not only were we free of the noise of humankind but we had been spared the polluting effect of thousands of streetlights and the glow cast from tens of thousands of windows by lamplight, screen glow and flashing neon. The night sky was untainted by the construct of humanity and instead hung over us as it has done for billions of years prior to our appearance.

The Shieldmaiden said nothing. I remained silent as I lay there and stared up at the sky. Ursa Major was immediately apparent and within it The Plough or as our transatlantic friends would label it, The Big Dipper. My eyes lowered and I looked upon the constellations of Leo and the Lynx which nestled beneath the large bear. As I turned my head I could see the Milky Way, like some stellar smear across the centre of the sky, ranging across nearly the whole of my field of vision as I looked across tens of thousands of light years of space from my vantage point on the top of this mountain.

I thought of how I was able to see all of this from my position on the rooftop of the region and that far away and far below me scurried the minions, the underlings and the tertiaries and how unaware they were of the brilliance and majesty which spiralled above them. I felt a sneer of contempt form on my lips as I contemplated the ignorant hordes who would be staring at pavement, turf and foam rather than lifting their heads and drinking in this vista. ´Twas ever thus. They always look the wrong way. That is why they never see me coming. Even those that broke with convention and rejected a lifetime of shoe-staring would only see a tiny fragment of what The Shieldmaiden and me were looking at. They would, if fortunate, see some of the stars, maybe a part of a constellation but their view would be obscured by the light pollution, ruining the spectacle and reinforcing the fact that they would go through life without true vision and clarity. My thoughts of their frustration and resentment if they were told of what they were missing caused that pulse of power as the Thought Fuel arrived, landing on the far more potent and plentiful Proximate Fuel which The Shieldmaiden had been providing throughout our visit.

“It is truly spectacular,” said the Shieldmaiden softly besides me. Her clear and elegant voice gently intruding into my contempt-filled thoughts and scattering them. The dispersal of those thoughts however was rapidly followed by that sharp shard of envy for she was commenting on the stars and heavens above, her fuel was directed elsewhere and whilst her tone was that of admiration and delight and her words appreciative, they were not aimed at me. This was a waste. Yet this was not the occasion to bridle with her, not at all. Her fuel needed to be mine, but I would not lash out, there was no need.

“Yes it is, absolutely majestic,” I replied as I readied my comment to draw fuel from her.

“And can you see Jupiter? Over there. Can you see that bright “star” that is Jupiter, to the south-west,” I explained and raised a hand, extending a finger pointing to the giant of our solar system.

“Where is it please?” she asked and I felt the flames of fuel rising again as her words of enquiry directed  to me, because of me and I sat up.

“Sit between my legs,” I instructed and she too sat up and shuffled into position, her back pressing against my chest, the outside of her thighs, brushing against the inside of mine. I placed my chin on her shoulder, the light fragrance of her shampoo detectable from her long, blonde hair and I raised my arm around her.

“Follow my finger,” I said and waited as I pointed to Jupiter.

“Ah, yes I see it. I love how you know what is where in the sky, but you have always loved the stars and planets haven’t you?”

The positive fuel splashed over me.

“Oh yes, ” I confirmed edified by her validation of my direction and her remembrance of what I had told her previously.

I felt her lean back into me and I recognised that this once again signalled her ease and comfort with me. I felt the instinctive bristle against this closeness but the presence of her fuel enable it be surmounted and I allowed the contact to continue.

“And now, if you follow my finger, I will take you to Saturn,” I explained. She gave a short, warm laugh at my interplanetary finger and more fuel washed over me.

“You should bring your telescope next time, HG, so we can see the moons and rings,” she suggested.

“Absolutely,” I answered.

We both fell silent as I lowered my arm and she remained still, nestled between my legs and leaning against me. She moved slightly, as if to ease herself even closer to me and this act of affection caused once more the fuel to be mine. Her I sat, her god, presiding over the galaxy. Entirely apt.

“What do you feel when you look at this?” she asked me.

I did not answer immediately. This gave the impression of gravitas and due consideration to her question and was a useful collateral consequence of my pause. The fact was that my delay in replying was not borne of conveying such importance, although of course I would claim that it was, but it arose form my consideration as to what to tell her.

Should I substitute knowledge for feeling and allow the literary splendour of my educated mind to fill the gaps occasioned by what I am? Should I plug hole with adjectives and poetic observation? Should I address the chasm with the acquisition of the described feelings provided by others that I had heard, seen and read, claiming them as my own?

Or should I provide my reality?

Should I tell her that my feeling for the vista was as empty as the space between the stars that shone above us? Should I tell her that it was the minions that made me feel, even if only slightly?

Should I tell her why the stars continue to matter to me not because of a feeling, but because of a historic significance or would that shift too much power from me to her?

Should I tell her that it was her that made me feel more than anything – namely power?

35 thoughts on “Stargazing With the Shieldmaiden

  1. Lorelei says:

    HG, I am so sad you didn’t publish my literary works on your three sons. Elvin, Melvin, and Kelvin.

  2. Renarde says:

    Shes very lucky.

    1. Kim e says:

      Ren
      Until she isnt.

      1. Renarde says:

        Intresting…

  3. Fiddleress says:

    Thank you for this stellar trip, HG.

    I have always loved watching the stars and learning about them. I actually wanted to become an astronaut, as a child. I moved out of the city years ago because of the light pollution that stopped me seeing the stars.

  4. Diana says:

    Thank you for sharing HG. It is unique insights into how fuel works that have kept me coming back for years.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You’re welcome

  5. Amy Campbell says:

    I want to know more about the shield maiden. Why do you call her that? What’s she like? Do you have contact with her anymore?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      1. It suits her character.
      2. I have written about her previously. You can catch glimpses of her on Instagram.
      3. Yes, she is making my dinner as I write.

  6. T says:

    Oh HG….

    What an amazing date you are! 😉

    I can see how they fall hard and fast for you! 😊

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Indeed.

      1. Bubbles 🍾 says:

        Dear Mr Tudor,
        Is there any more update on shieldmaiden ? It’s been a while
        Luv Bubbles xx 😘

        1. HG Tudor says:

          There will be. I have been particularly busy.

          1. Bubbles 🍾 says:

            Dear Mr Tudor,
            We all wait with bated breath
            Thank you 😊
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

          2. Bubbles 🍾 says:

            Dear Mr Tudor,
            Have you particpated in lockdown in any way ?
            Also, are you involved in parliament ?
            Many thanks
            Luv Bubbles xx

          3. HG Tudor says:

            Lockdown has not impacted on me in the way it has others.
            Not directly.

          4. Bubbles 🍾 says:

            Dear Mr Tudor,
            Are you a member of Chatham House ?
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

          5. HG Tudor says:

            Yes, through legend.

          6. Bubbles 🍾 says:

            Dear Mr Tudor,
            Thank you for your answers, most appreciated
            Chatham House answer is a yes, but the “through legend” now mystifies me
            I understand, identify of participants are not to be revealed, is that what you mean when you say “through legend” haha
            Or not ? Haha
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

          7. HG Tudor says:

            In effect.

          8. Bubbles 🍾 says:

            Dear Mr Tudor,
            Would some consider you a lord or baron ?
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

          9. HG Tudor says:

            They would.

          10. Bubbles 🍾 says:

            Dear Mr Tudor,
            Are you a lord or a baron ?
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

        2. Kim e says:

          Hi Bubbles,
          For me,SM is one of the subjects on the blog that I want to hear about but dread at the same time. I know the GP is still in effect but dread when devaluation starts.
          If I knew there was not a N involved and they were skipping along happily, then yes, I would like to know how it is going. But I know where it is headed.

          HG,
          will your updates regarding SM also included devaluation manipulations that are occurring when devaluation starts?

          1. HG Tudor says:

            Should I deem it appropriate to do so, yes.

          2. Bubbles 🍾 says:

            Dearest Kim e,
            I say it should be included in part of the mandatory curriculum, all in the name of narcissistic knowing
            🤣
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

          3. Kim e says:

            Bubbles,
            I agree but will not make it easier to know about let alone read about it if HG shares.
            Thanks Bubbles. Enjoy the day, the week, the month.

          4. lickemtomorrow says:

            Hard hitting question, Kim-e, but going by what HG has already explained the outcome seems inevitable. I hate having to say that, and I feel like a bit of a voyeur … but I also don’t think there is a standard length of time for the GP. I’m not sure, HG, if you are applying the fuel matrix in the manner you usually describe in this situation (IPSS, etc), but that also seems to be an inevitable part of the process of gathering fuel as necessary. I know better than to hold out any hope at this stage.

      2. T says:

        We call it “game” over here in America!
        You’ve got lots of it!

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I am THE player of game, T!

    2. Emma says:

      T, have you ever been ensnared by a narcissist?
      After having been ensnared and after understanding the imprisonment it entails, I find it hard to see a narcissist as a stellar date.

      This article brings up memories of what I experienced as quite magical times with the narc ex. As I look at these past scenes in my mind’s eye, I see details of his behavior which were clear indicators of what I was dealing with, but I failed to register because I was in the dark and had not the understanding I have now.

      I see now that the magic I experienced was and always have been within myself. To be able to feel inspiration, love, wonderment, to experience beauty, that is truly magical. And that magic has always been authentic and mine. I see now that in the past I wrongly attributed what was mine to the narcissist and as a result have felt hurt and betrayed when I discovered his fakery. As I now look at these beautiful memories and recognize everything as my own, there is no hurt, no pining, no sense of having being bereft. I realize that what is inherently mine can never be stolen. The main feeling is that of gratitude.

      For the narcissist everything is ashes; natures beauty, the wonderment of the heavens, it means nothing. Without fuel, without someone to confirm the existence of the narcissist, everything is ashes and death. Truly sad.

      However sophisticated the seduction of this article, I cannot un-see the clear indicators of the dark reality the narcissist is trying to hide. It is reassuring to realize the narcissistic seduction is loosing its power to veil the truth.

      I am filled though with a sense of forboding for SM who seems to be totally enmeshed in the seduction. We all know what inevitably awaits.

      1. T says:

        Indeed, Emma. I have been ensnared many times by many narcissists.

        Dates like the one described above are my kryptonite.

        I’m happy that you’re better able to recognize what this is right off….I suppose I shouldn’t be so gullible to pretty the words and intelligence.

        I fall for it every time!🤷🏽‍♀️

        1. Emma says:

          T, at least you know where your vulnerability lies, that is good progress. I have been so long in the fog of confusion because I didn’t know about NPD and about ensnarement, once I discovered the truth, it was such a relief, I have since been sucking up every bit of information I could find, digesting and internalizing it all. I have a strong intuition, which is no longer hampered now by confusion, and combined with having access to the correct information, it doesn’t take me too long nowadays to see pass the pretty exterior, I am happy to realize.

          I hope that, when you fall for the narcissistic seduction, your love of truth will wake you up on time before the narc has entangled you too much. You are here and reading up , so you have everything you need to keep your freedom.

        2. Christopher Jackson says:

          its ok hopefully one day the man that does that for you is actually like that

  7. lickemtomorrow says:

    Thank you for sharing this intimate moment with us, HG.

    I particularly enjoyed your reflection on how you should answer the question: How did it make you feel?

    There is a song that would have to be possibly my favourite of all time. It is by the Waterboys. “You Saw the Whole of the Moon”. If ever I could relate to your sense of power, this song is it for me. I have moments where I have a sense of being able to see what other people can’t, sense what they can’t, experience what they cannot.

    I used to think my ex-narc sensed this about me, too. He saw the crescent, but I saw the whole of the moon.

    That took me off track, but when you finished with your thought about power, that is what came to mind.

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