Kiss Me
The kiss is probably the pinnacle of romanticism from everything that I have observed. The couple who flirt with one another throughout the film in an attempt to create a will they or won’t they scenario, finally kiss and everybody smiles. The kidnapped child is finally reunited with his parents and is smothered in relieved kisses. The power of seduction that exists in that first kiss between a passionate couple which then leads to their love making. A kiss good bye on a steam filled railway platform. As ever, books and films have played their part in elevating the status of the kiss to near legendary status.
Like so much of what I do, the kiss is a weapon which I use to maximise the impact of my machinations. At the outset I shall use it to overpower you. You are unlikely to have much resistance to my overtures following my campaign of love-bombing but if there is any it will be obliterated the first time I kiss you. I have studied a thousand kisses.
From Burt Lancaster and Deborah Kerr in From Here to Eternity to Clark Gable and Vivien Leigh in Gone With the Wind through to Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze in Ghost. I have viewed Audrey Hepburn jump from her taxi to kiss George Peppard in the rain in the film, Breakfast at Tiffany’s and the post-nuptial kiss between Prince Charles and Princess Diana. It is not just the famous kisses that have been subjected to my scrutiny. I have sat at railway stations and watched the greeting kiss, full of excitement and passion or the departure kiss which encapsulates longing.
I have watched the almost frenzied and desperate embrace that arises from a man finally ensnaring his quarry in a nightclub after spending a couple of hours chatting her up. Whilst sipping from my drink in a restaurant I see hundreds of kisses between spouses, lovers, friends and acquaintances all delivered in different styles with varying emphasises. All of this knowledge is collated and stored ready for my use.
I have been told many times how good a kisser I am. I am blessed with full lips and therefore do not suffer the sometimes dispassionate affliction that can befall those who have lips of a thinner nature. From my observations I have learned to make my advance slowly, lingering just in front of the other person’s lips as I reach a hand up to cradle their neck and let my fingers lightly caress the back of their neck. My soft lips press gently against theirs and then I retreat slightly before advancing again and then retreating.
I do this several times before allowing my mouth to press on to theirs and remain there as we lock our embrace, lips moving slowly together, each time moving a little wider until a tentative tongue gently probes and touches against hers. My tongue flicks back and forth as the embrace grows stronger. I can hear her low moan of delight and know that this approach is working. I reach another arm around her and pull her closer to me, bodies pressed against one another and now her mouth has opened wider, her own tongue almost battling with mine.
I know that the tingle will be racing up and down her spine; I know that she will feel the churning in her stomach and that light headedness will be sweeping across her. I am well practised in the art of the seductive kiss and during our golden period I shall allow you to experience it often. I shall do it when we meet in my house at the end of the day, I will embrace you in that fashion when I lead you by the hand to our bedroom and I shall surprise you by grabbing hold of you in the lift and kissing you in this way.
What of course is all the sweeter about being able to embrace you in such a scintillating fashion is the fact that I will withdraw this marvellous kiss. You will take hold of me and push your mouth against mine only to find that my lips are set rigid and do not respond in the way you have been used to. There is no warmth or passion. You wonder where it has gone. The truth is that there was never any there to begin with. Like so much of what I do, it is an artifice purely designed to capture you and make the inevitable denigration all the more contrasting.
I can see the confusion in your eyes as you try again to kiss me but the effect is the same. You look at me, eyes searching for an answer but I do not offer one. You ask me what is wrong and I look away and say that there is nothing wrong. I have a variety of responses which confuse you when you try to kiss me or expect to be kissed. When once I kissed you often and repeatedly I will reduce it to next to nothing. This reduction coupled with a lack of explanation has you flailing around for some kind of reason. You end up blaming yourself of course that is to be expected. I will do any or all of the following:-
- Remain tight-lipped when we kiss;
- Move my head so you kiss my cheek rather than my mouth;
- Put my hand up and block your advance;
- Hug you instead so that your kiss flies into thin air over my shoulder
- Just walk away
Where once my kiss was magical and uplifting, now it is cold or non-existent. You relished our passionate embraces and now you find yourself remarking how it is like kissing an automaton or a mannequin. I do not care. All I wish to achieve is your pained and hurt reaction to the cold front that I exhibit where once there was heat and passion.
24 thoughts on “Kiss Me”
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Pretty sure nobody’s style is the guy I had kiss me like he was bobbing for oatmeal in a bowl with his hands tied behind his back. I’m guessing he’ll die alone.
Sad to say, but my last narc was a lousy kisser. Had no clue about opening his mouth and when I ‘showed’ him, he went all ‘darty tongue’ and I could tell he thought it was amazing. He never actually learned a thing and I still smile, knowing his next will get to experience his tongue darts and have to pretend to enjoy it (without laughing hysterically first) to avoid the day-long pout.
Oh, and he *did* lick my face once. I just stared at him and he tried to laugh it off, but I think he truly believed it would be a turn on for me. Yuck.
He could fuck though. That was his only claim to fame. haha
The only differences between an empath and a narcissist are the purpose of their machinations and the outcome of their actions. I use every single one of the techniques described in these pages including the analysis of kissing as a tool for joy, but I use them to serve people, lift people up, and to protect people. I view people through the same filters as the narcissist except I recognize that ‘appliances’ have feelings and do my utmost to cause no uneccesary pain and indeed create gratuitous joy for which my only compensation is the fuel of their joy. I feed off of fuel, but I choose to only elicit high octane positive fuel even though I admit I understand the pleasure of negative fuel. I feel no shame admitting enjoying seeing comeuppance when it is not my own hands being dirtied, and find justice very satisfying but my perception of justice happens to align with societal norms rather than my internal system…most of the time.
The Narcissist works at Monsters Inc (great movie) prior to the discovery that creating joy generates more intense fuel than creating pain and fear. An empath also works to generate fuel but accepts only the positive. Hopium is just as addictive as Narconium. Both are addictive.
The Narcissist is a broken empath, which is why s/he is so convincing. In the Moment, the Narcissist is as sincere and honest as any empath, but when the Moment changes, so does s/he. A true, magnificent, enlightened empath also understands that emotions belong only to the moment and can also change in the next moment with breathtaking speed but the loss of breath brings tears of joy rather than tears of anguish because the about face brings balance to all not just to one.
A narcissist is more like an empath than either is like the average human being. And in most cases, neither of them is honest about their true nature. How do effective empaths learn their craft? Throught the exact same means as narcissists, which is usually through intense and prolonged emotional distress. One breaks outward, and the other breaks inward, but both are dysfunctional until they embrace both sides of themselves and become authentic. All empaths are narcissists and all narcissists are empaths, each has suppressed one half of themselves.
The best kisses have no technique. It’s about two people melting together.
I wonder what a narc would do if I reacted with anger, very bad insults and sulking to the kiss-withdrawal and tell him that “okay, then kiss my a….” . Is this again just fuel for the narc? Or does that individually differ among the narcs how they percieve that? Does that depend on the school of the narcs?
See The 3 Interactions With the Narcissist, the answer is in there.
Wow! You can fake “passion” when there´s not any? That is super brutal! I think I would get very angry in that situation, scream at you, insult you and sulk.
That’s a lotta fuel there.
😀 Easy to guess why I got targeted 😀
You had me until you got technical again there, HG.
Narcissism spoils everything.
But, that beautiful tension and finally the sensation of that first kiss.
There is nothing like it.
I’m always going to love first kisses.
You need to know, so you can then go.
Pouring cold water on my emotional thinking again …
i guess i asked for that.
That kiss would definitely seal the deal.
Thank you for reminding me.
They do come out with some prize winners don’t they? If you stand back and look at it, or imagine what you would say to a girlfriend if they told you the same thing, that reaction is probably the correct one. The problem is when it is us, when we are in the situation, we don’t see it clearly and we don’t step back. The term used here is Emotional Thinking, it muddies the waters, so we can’t react to what is happening in the way most would ordinarily do. We see and read emotions accurately all the time but we don’t tend to direct our empathic skills towards ourselves at all. We direct them outwards for the benefit of others.
We would be the best poker players in the business if we used our skills for ourselves. Quite honestly I’m seriously considering turning bad. Had enough of feeling rubbish thanks.
Very hard hitting article. Incredible to try and understand any other way. I dont think you can? I can still remember the last day my ‘husband’ kissed me that way in September 2018 saying as he did .. ‘she never kisses him anymore’ ( very much a 3rd person talker).
I can’t resist a good kisser. Best sex ever guy was an amazing kisser. I could literally just kiss someone for hours and hours. My top 3 requirements for a good kisser are as follows :-
1. It’s all in the hold. Once we are in the lip lock part the good kisser must hold me firmly, not tight but firmly.
2. If the good kisser gets me in just the right place, bottom of neck in that little collarbone dip, we’re going to bed.
3. Take your time. The good kisser knows to make me wait.
I’ve never dated anyone shorter than 6ft either. This is not specifically kissing technique but it definitely ties in to point 1.
We should all compile a list. This could be funny.
Kissing for hours? I just heaved.
Come on NA, you know you love it with some Barry White.
I don’t care who is singing. They can take it downstairs where it belongs and stay there.
Don’t knock the effect of Barry White. The man was indirectly responsible for more ’70s babies than anyone not personally contributing DNA.
If they havent mastered kissing they havent mastered anything else.
You want funny ? My narc (who was actually a very decent kisser but not the best I have experienced)
Anyhow. He made the first kisses super intense, which I enjoyed… BUT This one time in the heat of a passionate closed door office make out session… he began breathing so hard and intense a shot came out of his left nostril…’I stood there… way too nice to mention it. I left the office in the most delicate “uh… I gotta go…” kinda way… he had to sit and “think” about the encounter.
The thought of him discovering the snot was mostly just comical to me at the time (as things had just started and I still liked him) now… well now he’s just “snot guy” hahahahaha.
Things that make a good kiss :
1) Passionate.
2) Slow
3) French kissing (but know how to use your tongue.. none of this darting in and out BS or licking my face 🤮 )
Interesting because not everyone can kiss, so tell me. How do you make someone a good kisser, how do you make them follow your lead? I have had some terrible kissers, funny thing is the Mid Ranger I was with was the only good kisser I ever had. I wonder if they do study how to kiss. On another note. I found explicit pictures of him and his ex, her private areas, his private areas! Why would they want to keep these pictures and ask him to delete them, no it’s “ I don’t ever look at them” it’s rude
I think it’s too I individual to know what the “perfect kisser” is… we all have our specific tastes of what we like. I think there has to be chemistry right away. I personally like the man to take the lead in intimate scenarios. I hate taking the lead… i’ll Offer encouragement when appropriate “this feels good” “ I love it when you do this” etc. But mostly just please know what you’re doing … and tell me what to do. I have my limits. I know when I want to say no. But otherwise I want him to tell me to jump… and I’ll say how high ?!
vanessa McClain
HG has studied a 1000 kisses.
Your mid ranger kept the explicit pictures for control and fuel: Thought Fuel when he looks at them, a Hoover Trigger (HT) for his ex, the pictures may be used to triangulate or provoke a reaction from you or someone else and, because the explicit pictures offend your empathic Trait of Decency and your boundary recognition, your response yields more potent fuel.
https://narcsite.com/2020/04/28/thought-fuel-5/