Why The Narcissist Wants To Make You His Extension
When we seduce you, we want to absorb you. We want to make you part of us. This is because we see you as an extension of ourselves but it is also because we want to ensure that you are isolated and cut-off from any potential threats to our grand design for you. It is also because we want you exposed to those who will only increase and magnify our charm, our magnetism and our attraction. This means we need to expose you to and integrate you within our own networks. Accordingly, where we are the type of narcissist that has a significant social circle and family connections, you will be thrust into their midst very quickly when the seduction has begun.
It is akin to taking hold of you, hanging you over a vat of liquid which represents all of our supporters, admirers and adorers and dunking you straight into it ensuring you are wholly covered, utterly subsumed and completely covered. You will be paraded around these various sources of ours in order to extract fuel from their admiration at our latest conquest. Our smearing of your predecessor will mean that that person is rarely mentioned and if they are it will be in terms which are disparaging about them and complimentary about us.
That is how our coterie and lieutenants have been conditioned to respond for the purposes of maintaining our glorious appearance. We will draw fuel from all of their complimentary remarks and furthermore we will be able to gather fuel from your delighted reaction at being presented as such a wonderful and perfect person. It amounts to a fuel fest for us. This integration with those who worship us and promote our agenda is a crucial part of how we embed you into our world. You are made to feel special and wanted, liked and involved as you find yourself invited to a family dinner, a christening, a wedding, nights out with our friends, drinks with other friends, an afternoon coffee and so on.
So many ways to plug you into our world by using the all obliging members of our façade. This absorption convinces you that we are the real deal. Who in in their right mind would stand against such conviction from so many people? Nobody of course and that is how our magic is woven. You feel so fortunate. Not only have you met the partner of your dreams but our family are so welcoming and friendly, and our friends are delightful. Nobody has a bad word to say about us. Little do you realise that this is almost like a television programme with actors playing the parts of family and friends and the wonderful places and events that we take to you are just scenery that has been created to give the appearance of reality.
If you were able to look behind the scenes then you would see one-dimensional cardboard cut-outs, masking tape and spray paint. You will not notice though. We do not allow you sufficient time to take everything in. You are whisked from one thing to another, festooned with compliments, spun around, whirled about and not given any opportunity to consider, reflect or scrutinise. Everything is moving, shining and sparkling in order to distract you. Oh those klaxons are blaring but you cannot hear them for the honey being poured in your mouth. The red flags are flying but there is so much glitter being thrown about by us, so much fairy dust hanging in the air that you are unable to see those scarlet warnings.
We want to draw you into us through ensuring that you are utterly immersed in our supportive and obliging networks. This also means that if you happen to have some kind of concern, perhaps a slight inkling that something is not quite right and you ask one of the many people you have been introduced to, you will receive the party line in response in order to assuage your concern. This absorbing into our world, our band of merry supporters provides you with no chance to resist. Whereas in your past you may have found the mother-in-law to be distant or a brother unwelcoming, friends jealous that their friend now has a new distraction and so forth, all of those potential problems do not exist with us.
This is because the few that might know what we are, the handful which may identify that there is something wrong with us even though they may not know exactly what we are, will have been side-lined. They are not allowed to point out that the beautiful world that we have created is one of smoke and mirrors. Their dissenting voices have been silenced, their pointing fingers cut off and they have been bundled away. If you ever ask about them we will either ignore your question or advance an entirely plausible reason why we no longer have anything to do with our brother. As you will recognise by now, it will all be his fault.
You are to be subsumed not only into our identity as we swallow you up to form part of us, a functioning and reliable appliance pumping fuel our way, but you are also woven into the tapestry that is our illusion. Each introduction, each party, each greeting, each pleasant afternoon getting to know members of our coterie is but a further needle stroke as we pass the thread over you and enmesh you into our illusion. Tighter and tighter the thread becomes until you are a complete part of it. Of course, should you eventually realise that you have been woven into a fabrication, the thread will be so tight about you, so complete and so covering that escape is nigh on impossible without the assistance of someone else who is able to cut you free.
9 thoughts on “Why The Narcissist Wants To Make You His Extension”
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They wanted to absorb me. Except the latest one, who choked me. He wanted to live my life. I liked that. I don’t want to be absorbed.
It truly is amazing what the narcissist is able to create when you look at it with narc vision on.
I’ve also seen people subsumed into narcissistic friendships (and fallen victim myself, which is how I know), eventually describing one narc as a snake and the other as a spider. The snake slithered on her belly as she prepared to deliver her poison of fake empathy, and the other wove her web of deception with wit as victims fell prey to their machinations. Without narc vision, others were unable to see how they were being subsumed and consumed in the need for fuel. And there was no way to tell them. A loss of friendships in the circumstances was inevitable. And so was a loss of trust.
I always look forward to the time when someone finally gets to see behind the facade. I know better than to hold my breath for that to happen, though.
Yes..all the better for sudden devaluation when the accusation of not having a life of your own is somewhat true ..oh dear, what a truly shitty game…
And down the rabbit hole you go……because everything I’ve read in the past few days has been completely spot on for what is going on at present or has been going on and I’ve just recently found out that the narc from last fall has a new victim. I knew this was the case but didn’t know at the same time. I’ve been in this same scenario numerous times over the years and it follows a pretty specific pattern so it was actually getting past the time that he ought to have ensnared a new victim and boom, just like that, it all unfolded. I feel so bad for this new person. She is a breast cancer survivor from just 2 years ago and has an ex that makes my old narc (the new one to her) look like a prize. Oh the memes of how he’s done all these wonderful things for her that made me wonder if she was talking about the same guy. I think she may have moved in with him which fits my pattern. I’m wondering why the people who seem to know her well and whom have told me that the narc is a POS, rude, an asshole when I asked them what they thought of him, why no one is telling her these things. I know you can’t tell a person and expect them to see through all of the love bombing and she’ll likely get pissed off at them, but why are all these people liking her meme posts about him and basically, supporting her choice of men when they all can’t stand him? Really makes me wonder about where their loyalties lie cuz if I don’t agree with someone’s relationship choices, I don’t like their posts or memes and I certainly don’t comment at how swell this news is and how stoked I am for them when I know it’s gonna destroy the victim. So, I’ll mind my own and keep infrequent tabs and maybe, just maybe, when he kicks her to the curb and she’s falling down into the street, I’ll be able to grab her before her head hits the concrete. I can picture it now and he sees me helping her up and ohhhhhh how pissed he is. And he can’t do a damn thing cuz he just discarded her. I must get a new cape for the occasion. lol
Secure and healthy adults don’t post and like memes about relationships. That’s grade 7 behaviour.
She is not your responsibility and watching out for her to fall and rescue her is keeping you tied to your narc and keeping you from moving on.
He won’t care about either of you or what you’re doing when he drops her because he will be on to someone else.
Like watching a car crash in slow motion. They really don’t care who they target as long as they get their fuel. I’m so glad you are taking the stand you are, and a new cape will definitely be in order 😉 Not many would be there to help catch their replacement when they fall.
“She is a breast cancer survivor from just 2 years ago and has an ex that makes my old narc (the new one to her) look like a prize.”
Perfect target. Ripe and juicy.
“So, I’ll mind my own and keep infrequent tabs and maybe, just maybe, when he kicks her to the curb and she’s falling down into the street, I’ll be able to grab her before her head hits the concrete. I can picture it now and he sees me helping her up and ohhhhhh how pissed he is. And he can’t do a damn thing cuz he just discarded her. I must get a new cape for the occasion. lol”
Yikes. Get out and stay out.
Almost the same applies to narcissistic parents. You are their extensions and they want to present you as “their perfect child” in order to gather fuel. Especially when you are with relatives and friends it´s extremely important to them that you do exactly what they want, to show how “perfect” the family is. And of course you have to be a WAY better child than any other!! So that your narc-parent can say: “MY child is SO much better than theirs”. They compare you to other children and sometimes triangulate. If you don´t do what your parent wants you hear something like: “Look at X! X behaves SO much better/dresses so much better/is not as fat as you are. Why can´t you be like X?” They ALWAYS wanna “present you” and compare you to others.
So gross. So gross. So icky. Yuck. I very much dislike reading ACON stories and shares. Ya’ll are survivors.