The Final Battle : How to Stop Thinking About the Narcissist
The hardest part of achieving freedom from the narcissist and the effects of the narcissist is stopping thinking about the narcissist.
Whether it is the endless whirring mind of questions, the desire to plot revenge against the narcissist, worrying about being hoovered or contemplating the golden period over and over, there are a multitude of ways in which the narcissist stays in your head.
Not any more.
This Assistance Package addresses :-
Why the narcissist being in your head is The Final Battle of No Contact
What drives you to keep thinking about the narcissist
How those thoughts manifest
How the process of such thoughts happens and how their duration is governed
How thinking about the narcissist is detrimental to your interests
How thinking about the narcissist leads to further risks from the narcissist
A comprehensive example of the dangers of thinking about the narcissist where you are taken step by step through the process, why it is happening, what it means and the effects
How to implement techniques to prevent you from keep thinking about the narcissist
How those techniques work with examples
The impact of those techniques on your thought processes, Emotional Thinking and emotional well-being
This Assistance Package is unique and effective and is an essential part of your No Contact Regime and achieving freedom from the narcissist
39 thoughts on “The Final Battle : How to Stop Thinking About the Narcissist”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.
She RAPED him. She did not have “an affair,” ” have sex,” “hook up,” or “seduce” him. He was a 12-year-old boy. He was not able to consent. If the gender and sex roles were reversed, more individuals would likely be inclined to recognize it for what it was.
(This is a resubmission because my compute/website crashed.)
Hi black coffee…i agree i find in her last interview her narcissism even more prevalent and its true what HG has written about that npd gets worse with age. She was even more controlling of vili and condescending. I hope he talks more now that shes passed away but i get a strong sense that he wont bc of his daughters and out of respect for their mother.
I think we can learn so much from this case both thru mary kay and her obvious narcissism and also vili and how he was conditioned and gaslighted. He had stockholm syndrome as well.
As well itd be interested to study how people reacted to this and the differences with gender in these types of cases. I even found myself at times watching the videos of their wedding and with their children and softening but the reality is she raped and committed a crime and its no different legally than if a man did this but it does differ in peoples reactions to it.
I see so much of what ive learned about npd from here in this case such as lack of accountability, compartmentalisation, fantasy thinking, obsession, need for fuel, gaslighting, positive reinforcement, rewriting history, deflection, the list goes on and on. If there ever was an interesting analysis of npd i think this is one of them!!
Also if you research mary kays parents both the mother and father were narcissists particularly her mother. Her mother was very cold and unloving. There was also trauma when mary kay was a child she was looking after her younger brother and he drowned in a pool.
Her father treated her as a golden child and her mother was cold towards her. A recipe for disaster.
I have the Addiction Package. This one is last of 3. . Highly recommended. Our Emotional Thinking is an addiction worse than alcohol and drugs. I’d didnt know until I listened to all 3.
What can be the benefits of being with a narcissist?
That is not a question that a target should be asking, that is a manifestation of emotional thinking.
JJ:
The sole benefit I have found is you are more likely to do a search when things get bad enough and find HG Tudor’s work. This will not only weaponize you against your narcy relationship, but it will also allow you to identify other narcs: for instance, public figures such as politicians, when you have to figure out which narc will do the least amount of damage when put into office. You’ll have a better grasp of various narc behaviors than a normal person who probably just looks on candidate websites or party platforms. If you are hiring, it may help you to avoid hiring that terribly charming applicant who will manipulate the entire office. If you are job-hunting, you may have to take what you can get for the time being, but you may also try to find an office with minimal narciness, or decide that working for that Greater will be less onerous than putting up with that incompetent Mid-ranger or the bellowing bully of a Lesser. When someone tries too hard to be your friend, you’ll realize that it’s as inappropriate as someone trying too hard to push for Twue Wuv before you’ve had a first date.
All of which I wish I had known without having to become “friends” with the Kewl Girl in junior high, suffer under various instructors who wanted to “help,” not teach, or deal with supervisors who’d rather rip into you than have productive employees who make a profit for the company. But my search for answers about the guy who blew hot and cold for no apparent reason brought me here the first time, just to surf, and the fact that various narcy actresses reminded me of my “best frenemy” brought me back months later, at which point I stuck around.
Empaths are more likely to find Narcsite when they have suffered on a personal level from a narc they know, but Normals would do well to learn how many narcs they encounter, either immediately or in the public eye.
Violetta- funny, I have a long time friend whose behavior has always sort of puzzled me. And she wasn’t on my radar when I started reading here. But the info here really cleared some things up for me. Her behaviors fit a Mid-Ranger Somatic Hybrid. All of the guys (and sometimes women) over the years; the love bombing/ seducing, triangulating, lack of empathy, shelving and feeding crumbs while focusing on others. Dipping back to people from the past occasionally for fuel, only to discard them again. So many people from the past waiting in the wings to be chosen as “the one”. When I started reading here I was desperate for relief of my sky high emotional thinking and distress over one person, and I wasn’t expecting it, but this website cleared some things up for me with her, and the behaviors of some other people I’ve known over the years, as well.
Dear JJ,
Haha
If you ever find out, could you please let us know
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
The benefits of being with the Narcissist?
Good question . Other than the Golden Period and feeding the addiction not much .I mean sometimes they could be amazing,but you will be on that wheel of misery all the time . The Narcissist will blow hot or cold air . If your lucky the sex will be amazing . Not sure what else . It also depends what school they belong to. If they are a greater like HG they will be very successful .
I lose time. Usually at night, but it can be at any time when I’m not flat out busy. I’ll have been sat for 30 minutes, longer sometimes, not moving, just thinking, replaying conversations. Staring into the corner of the room. I’ll look at my watch or my phone and that amount of time will have passed without me realising.
I count as well. That’s a bit weird. I look at the window as I’m thinking and I count the squares of the leaded glass. One direction, then back the other way, Over and over, completely lost in thought.
So many conversations, images, voice recordings. Stupid stuff, tongue twisters was one. How to make the perfect White Russian another. General dumbassery. He videoed the journey to a fire once from inside the fire truck so I could have the lights and sirens on. Stupid stuff. That didn’t change, was like that the whole way through. Conversations taking place all the time as we were moving through our days. So now, he’s just everywhere. I was always in his pocket.
Going to go stick my head in a bucket.
T.S
I count things also. Not cards which would at least be useful, oh no, I have to count stuff like letters on a sign or number of windows. I also check the maximum weight listed in an elevator and then guess the total weight of the people on it. I haven’t asked anyone to get off yet though. But I’m not thinking of narcs when I do it so I’m not nuts like you.
Ba hahahaha
NA, proper laughing at that x
Dearest NarcAngel,
Haha good one
I count my lucky stars ✨
🤣
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Dear truthseeker6157,
I recently came across Mel (Melanie) Robbins on my newsfeed
She’s a public motivational American speaker
She’s worth taking a peek (at night)
Let’s know what you think
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Hello Bubbles.
I will, thank you for the suggestion. Looking her up now so I’m all set for tonight.
Hope you are keeping well lovely one. Xx
Dearest truthseeker6157
Awesome lovely one
I really like what she has to say …… gutsy !
Beats having your head in a bucket 🤣
Hope it helps
Also, I’m keeping out of trouble, thank you for asking 😉
💕
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
thruthseeker
“replaying conversations”: I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I did that. It drove me insane. I was so ashamed at having been conned by that N that I replayed every single conversation when I should have said “right, that’s it, bye now, or rather adieu”. I was rewriting history, imagining another turn to the conversations with me just buggering off at every single moment when I should not have taken his shit.
You wrote: “I’ll have been sat for 30 minutes, longer sometimes, not moving, just thinking, replaying conversations. Staring into the corner of the room. I’ll look at my watch or my phone and that amount of time will have passed without me realising.”
This reminds me of a film called “In the Name of the Father”, with Daniel Day-Lewis (one of my favourite actors, by the way). At some point, he is in prison and he says this – sometimes minutes feel like years, and then days or years will go bye in the blink of an eye. Those moments do feel like being in prison, don’t they? A mental prison. But it will pass, those moments come to an end.
Glad to know you’ll be getting away from that prison on the motorbike with your friend.
Hey 🙂
It’s strange. I’m replaying not to work things out or necessarily unpick the meaning. I’m not wishing I had said things differently or even thinking I should have known. I’m thinking more about where I was and what I was doing as those conversations took place. I miss the US at times. The painted houses, palm trees, smell of the heat. If I remember South Carolina, key events, he was there, yet he wasn’t there in person. Difficult to describe. Christmas fancy dress party for example, he texted the whole way through as he knew I didn’t want to go. The beach, Charleston, the drive in with the ocean on both sides and the beautiful bridge. Then the move back to the UK, same deal. I can’t even drive to the supermarket without there being a reminder of a silly conversation en route. Ever presence but through constant contact from the mundane through to the bizarre.
Then amongst all of the nice, you get episodes of utter craziness. The bad stuff. Texting from a hotel roof In the rain, and showing me a picture of the edge and the floor below. Telling me that I’ll be the last person he speaks to and then my phone ringing. Answer it? Or don’t answer it? What do you do if someone is allegedly on a hotel roof and phones like that? I didn’t answer, was convinced I had to spoil his plan. Then silence. Then a text to say he is back in the room. Madness, utter craziness. Following day back to normal. They do bring you into utter chaos. I knew this wasn’t normal behaviour. I was angry at the stunt but he was just himself again the next day and for weeks after. It is the most bizarre thing but in the craziness you are so busy reacting, you can’t see. You firefight and the more you do the crazier it goes.
I get it. Agree. Narcissist, but I just feel like every picture, place, event over the last 4 years has his name scrawled over it in black marker pen. To erase him I have to erase the pictures too. I’m struggling to keep one without the other.
This had better be my ET making its last stand. Seriously.
truthseeker
I understand now; yes it is different.
What you wrote in the last paragraph reminds me exactly of what I felt for way too long after the death of someone I was madly in love with, when we were both students. With what I know now, I think he was also a narcissist.
I find it helps to picture my ET as a gremlin – a monstrous entity that may look nice at first sight, but which doesn’t care at all about you and will do you harm given the chance.
Correct. You will only do something if you think it is the right thing to do. ET causes you to believe what you are doing is right, when it is not, it cons you. All ET wants you to do is feed the addiction and it does not care how it achieves that.
Same. Replaying conversations. Less and less now.
Hi HG…Im not sure if youve ever written about Mary Kay Letourneau but i noticed she died a few days ago from colon cancer. I think she would make an interesting analysis! Thx 🙂
I am not familiar with this person.
She was a teacher in her 30s who groomed, raped, then married her 13 year old male student.
BTW I watched the Jeffery Epstein documentary this weekend and surprised you haven’t written about him or have you…?
I may do so.
Yay! That would be awesome! Meanwhile, a couple individuals called him a narcissist in the documentary.
MKL was an American school teacher who had an affair with a 12-year-old student (male); she pled guilty in 1997 to two counts of felony second-degree rape of a child.
I strongly suspect that she was a MMRN.
Hi K…i think she is too! She definitely played the victim and had no sense of accountability
Had sex with her 12-year-old student, whom she’d known since he was 8. Went in and out of jail, hooking up with him when she was out and getting pregnant. They eventually married, he had separated from her and may have been on the point of divorcing her when she became terminally ill, and he took care of her until she died.
In later interviews, he regretted that there had been no one who really tried to help him deal with the situation. Her attitude in interviews remained perky, almost coy, til the end. No guilt at deserting her first family, and no guilt at the way she had hijacked this boy’s future.
Hi HG…i think she would be a very interesting person to write about from a npd perspective but also the parallels to your situation growing up as far as the abuse from your aunt.
Dear Chihuahuamum,
Yes, it would most definitely
I heard she died, the teacher who seduced her 12 year old student Vili, then had his two daughters
I saw an interview with the two of them on 60 minutes
She came across to me as a real fruitcake, very controlling, obsessive and was in “denial” she had done anything wrong
Narc ✔️
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Hi bubbles…l remember the scandal from the 90s but back then i didnt realise the magnitude of the crime or knew about narcissism. She had vili so conditioned and intentionally got pregnant to trap him. She was the epitime of entitlement. Fortuneately their daughters had the grandmother as a parent and example.
Dearest Chihuahuamum,
Entitled much, hell yes
I think she was quite delusional in the fact, she also wanted to have yet another future “torch” er child and had grandiose ideas about going back to teaching 😱
She totally disobeyed and broke the all sanctity code of being a teacher, that’s narcissism for you (bit like the church, but we won’t go there) haha
Her ex husband Steve’s statement about her death was a most respectful announcement, one to be extremely proud of
Thankyou for raising the awareness of yet another never ending narc scenario
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Hi bubbles
What shocked me is she got a job as a court clerk i think in the very court she had her trial in. How on earth do you get to work in any law profession or teach which she did teach in a university as well as a school i believe.
Hope youve been well 💓
Dear Chihuahuamum,
No waaaaaay
I did not know that
Thank you
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Hello Chihuahuamum
No accountability whatsoever. I thought she was nuts because she was sexually attracted to a 12-year old boy; he was just a child. Pedophile!
Hi K… i totally agree!! When this happened i was in my early 20s and it didnt hit me as much the magnitude. I had thought this boy was 17 or so. Now that ive revisited this case and realise he was 12 wowww It makes sense tho bc with npd there are no boundaries and also emotional development is stunted so in her maturity growth she was also 12 or younger. Vili actually is way more mature even now bc her maturity never progressed. She stayed the same as she was when she met him. Thats whats so dangerous is if another 12 year old started to give her fuel and distract her from reality she would probably recommit this crime. She was using vili to escape aspects of her childhood that created the npd.
Vili can finally be free.
How can he ever be free? But I hope he can have something vaguely resembling a life now.