Empathy and Irony
Many people state that my kind and me lack empathy. I don’t like that attitude. First of all it amounts to a criticism and I am not to be criticised. Secondly, empathy is regarded by some as the ability of blurring the line between self and other. The handy dose of empathy pictured above underlines this. In fact I am amongst the best at blurring the line between self and other. I am a champion at it. One of my killer lines of seduction is to declare
“I don’t where you end and where I begin we are merged into one.”
If that is not a blurring of the line between self and other I do not know what is. I repeatedly explain that I see people as extensions of myself, they are objects that become subsumed within what I am as I swallow up their identity and use their traits as my own. Blurring of lines? I would argue that that is an obliteration. By that definition I am absolutely oozing empathy aren’t I?
The third reason that I do not like the suggestion that I lack empathy is that empathy is the ability to understand the feelings of others. Again, I understand the feelings of others to a high degree. How can I manipulate those feelings if I do not understand them? Some of our kind instinctively behave in a manner which causes manipulation. They do not have much thought behind the process but they act in this fashion because it is all they know. It is all they have been conditioned and programmed to do. They do not need to consider what they are doing because it just happens and then the manipulation unfolds. Those of us at the greater end of the scale of narcissists do consider what to do in terms of our manipulation. We are always plotting and scheming as we reflect on the best way of manipulating you to do what we want and provide us with our precious fuel. I sit and consider the most effective ways of wielding my devilish toolkit in order to provoke and engender the most rewarding emotional reactions from you. I work through the schemes and machinations as I dream up new ways of provoking you. I analyse your life, what you do and what you say and then work out how I can then use that material to make you react.If I did not understand how certain things would make you feel, how can I know how best to manipulate you? I understand all about your feelings because I watch you and I observe and I remember. I have done this many times to your type and therefore I have built up an acquired knowledge of the ways that people such as you will react. I sit and consider what I can do to make you hurt, make you cry and make you frustrated. I know you so well I know exactly which buttons to press. I know which emotions to coax from you and because I understand this I know precisely what to do to achieve this. For some of you a cold front of silent treatment will make you pour forth that fuel as you frantically call and cry, worried as to why we have stopped speaking to you. With others a prolonged period of triangulation brings out the emotional response required because you always compete with someone or something that you perceive as a threat.
The fact you show your feelings so readily is joyously received by us. You provide us with a manual from which we can learn. We can mimic your emotions so our fakery continues to draw you in, make you feel sorry for us and have you focussed on us. Your exhibitionism in this regard allows us to understand which emotions run deepest in you and also the ways in which these emotions can be brought to the surface. We have to know how you feel so we can then influence how you will feel. I understand your emotions. That is demonstrating empathy is it not? Would you now say that we lack empathy?
You cannot say that we do not care about your feelings either. We care about them because we need those feelings because they provide us with fuel. We need to know that you will feel and show those feelings to us. We care very much about your feelings as without them we would be denied our fuel and that is fatal to us. We care about your manifestation of those feelings and that they are directed towards us. What we do not care about is their effect on you. That is of no interest to us because it serves no purpose to us. If you are left anxious, unable to eat or sleep then all we care about is that your anxiety is shown to us. The impact on your health and well being is of no concern to us because that does not provide us with fuel. It is not our role because of the way we are to make you feel better (unless of course that is required in order to obtain further fuel) but it is our role to make you feel so you give us fuel. We have no interest in the day-to-day or long-term effects of how you are feeling just so long as you can keep showing your emotions to us and giving us fuel. We have nothing to gain in alleviating your sadness. We have no interest in offering solutions to make your pain and misery go away. That is the brutal truth.
Don’t say however we do not understand how you feel. We most certainly do because we have to know this in order to exploit your feelings further. Indeed we often make you feel that way on purpose so we know exactly how you feel. We need to know the best way to pull on your strings and this means understanding how you will feel and react. So that is empathy for you indeed. Who would have thought it? Empathy from the devil. How ironic.
9 thoughts on “Empathy and Irony”
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Ohh!!! I LOVE that picture!
Writings ok too. (Hee hee!)
Just kidding. Awesome as always.
‘If you are left anxious, unable to eat or sleep…’
THIS resonated today. I did not sleep last night. All I could think about was my Father. I dropped off around 8′ this morning. Bastard even rang me up at 7 this morning.
He didnt get any fuel. I’m so tired of my brain being fucked. Tired of being, what is it, ‘the supertanker of fuel’, giving everything and getting nothing.
I’m tired of the dreams that I have of him. Hes haunted my life for too long.
Renarde,
You can’t sleep because you are fighting yourself. You already know what to do. Stop beating yourself up x
TS
You are right, I am. I’m better today.
Thank you x
Are you turning the sound off your phone at night and letting it go straight to message?
Vi
Thanks. I keep it on Silent or dont even have it in the room
Dearest Renarde,
So sorry you’re going thru this lovely, particularly when it’s family
Step back, slow down, breathe, regroup
Now is the time to restructure your priorities
You can do this Renarde
You’re one smart clever lady, you have all the tools
I never answer my phone straight away, (unless it’s Mr Bubbles or my kids) I see who it is, take stock and I usually ring back when I’m good n ready and on my terms
It means I can hang up first
I understand the dreams as well precious, I now sleep well
We all believe in you Renarde, you can do this
If anyone has their ‘act’ together, it’s definitely you
Wishing you well and hugs to boot 🤗
💕
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Madame
It’s taken me a little while to respond to this. Forgive me. The pain still runs deep.
I’m not the first one to say this but we all know familial dynamics are complex.
I think, I look on how are people are behaving in this instant, as opposed to the past.
My mother utterly neglected her duty. My brother and I have physically fought in the past, as adults mind! Both have changed. (I will say I once became very close to destroying him. Had to be dragged off by Mum. Dad smirked in the corner. That is no exaggeration. I just lost it.).
But with Dad. I’ve never seen this level of malignancy or malevolence before in any narc
Then I hear, Mum is dsabled. He sits there, new nickname, ‘The Monitor Lizard’, going to a whole new branch of Stepford.
I started having nightmares again. I’m now balancing my mother’s mental health against my own. I’m simply not strong enough for this one.
As to calls. Yeah, he tricked me. It’s now LC as I need to know shes safe. I will allow messages to go to VM. A recent stunt hes pulling is using Mums mobile.
Thankyou you. For thinking of me and writing your message. It means so much.
I am nowhere near where I need to be mentally. I’ll get there. And I’m VERY happy to report that once I made that descion about Dad, the dreams stopped. Two nights of good sleep.
I feel so much better. Pretty much back to my Puckish self.
Again thank you.
🎩💛🦊 x
Dearest Renarde,
Thank you for responding and sharing your deep wounds
I truly understand how the family dynamic can hurt
Your dad sounds quite manipulative and cunning
I’ve had to detach myself mentally from the hurts and have now trained myself on how to function with my mum on a care only basis, I cannot deal with her on an emotional level
Same goes with our youngest, mentally distancing the emotional side and replacing with rational constructive decisions
It’s bloody hard for our kind, but I’m determined to survive and be the strongest
I’m so pleased you have turned it around so swiftly and are now sleeping well
I admire your tenacity
You’re a winner Renarde, I can tell 😉
Sending all my heartwarming vibes
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
This is such a great article. I was trying to get at this on a few other threads of late. To manipulate you have to know and understand your target, and very well. So you have to be people readers in your own right. That’s so interesting to me. You are reading emotions without feeling the emotional state. As an empath I only really know how someone is feeling because I feel their emotions myself. I’m sure there is an element of subconscious processing involved at the same time, but no amount of calculating slight changes in body language, intonation, phrasing, pupil dilation, pheromones can account for the feelings of others that manifest in my own body and mind. It can’t be taught or mimicked, you feel those emotions or you don’t.
In many ways it’s a lazy and unscientific approach. I just feel. End of. And it’s as clear to me as if the person opposite is holding a sign up displaying ‘loss’ or ‘ disappointment.’ Narcissists are reading body language, non verbal cues, smell runs through a lot of HG’s work, he likely picks up on shifts in pheromones. Even I can smell death on a person. It’s fascinating really. Those calculations must happen incredibly quickly. He admits to an odd pause when portraying the appropriate emotion at times. I expect it’s with respect to a less tangible emotion. Sympathy is very difficult to mimic, down to timing, the need for it often subtle and unspoken. Essentially, Narcissists read, to a frighteningly high level. They are receivers not transmitters, at least at the positive end of the spectrum.
I wonder if the ability to feel negative emotion means that these negative emotions are experienced to a greater degree than the empathic group. I very rarely get angry. When I do, I am told it’s a sight to behold ha ha. But is my anger, just regular daily anger to a narcissist? Negative emotions more concentrated. How do we even compare depth of feeling in context? My blue is not your blue and so how do we compare blue? There also have to be gaps. Where a narcissist reaches for the emotional content but there is nothing there. Like a lost memory.
Narcissists and Empaths are very similar in terms of their understanding of emotional output, I’m sure of it. Their cognitive empathy compensating for the missing emotional empathy, our emotional empathy so high we don’t register our cognitive empathy by comparison. The only difference between the two is compassion. They see the emotion, but don’t take it within themselves. In effect they read the sign that’s held up. No desire to help, no internal processing. Takers and mimics.
The narcissistic group has to have greater emotional understanding than the normal group. It is a focus and a skill that is honed, consciously or subconsciously. The normal group just aren’t as interested in emotions full stop. It comes in fits and starts, revolves around key people in their lives, but overall they sally on oblivious. No sensing of emotion in a room, oblivious to a vibe in an unknown house or building, yet carrying some emotional empathy so technically with an advantage over the narcissistic group.
Our two groups, Narcissists and Empaths are more closely aligned than we care to admit, it’s little wonder we are so drawn to each other. Respect where respect is due, they’re good, their motive might be self centred and revolve around attention but still, it’s a highly developed skill.