Plagued : Malign Follow-Up Hoovers

 

KTN-Plagued

Hurt and pain are integral in the narcissist dynamic. Whether your narcissist is male or female, an intimate partner, a family member, friend or colleague, there will at some juncture be the appearance of hurt. It is the primary source, usually an intimate partner, who carries the largest burden of this hurt, since it is they who spends the most time with our kind, is entwined in our manipulations and suffers the worst of the devaluation and disengagement .

Whilst the incidence of hurtful behaviour cannot be denied in the devaluation, there may be some comprehension that it occurs because the Formal Relationship between narcissist and victim is continuing. Judged by the victim and a normal person’s standards, that hurt should not occur at all, but once one understands the nature of our behaviour, it is understandable, albeit not accepted, that it occurs during devaluation.
The hurt that is occasioned by the discard is like any that occurs when somebody has found their romantic and intimate relationship terminated. It is safe to say however that when the cessation occurs as a consequence of our discarding, the hurt is amplified by the cruel nature of the discard, the confusion that surrounds it and the contrast with the golden period that once shone so brilliantly. From pedestal to the thorny ground. Often in a matter of weeks.
The hurt is understandable and recognisable when it occurs in the context of the devaluation period and the consequent discard. Yet, what of the aftermath and the hereafter? The hurt invariably continues following the discard. I do not refer to those dark, lonely days as you attempt to piece together what happened.

That howling wilderness where nothing makes sense and you are left to pick yourself up and tackle the daily agony of what has happened to you. The gnawing hurt of wanting us back, the bewildering mystery of why somebody who supposedly loved you could do such a thing to you, the stark realisation that we have moved on to someone else without so much as a backwards glance towards you.

The misery of unanswered questions, the wretchedness of the emptiness that hangs around your day like a spectre and the shame as the drip, drip, drip of realisation causes you to ascertain you have been conned.
Harsh as those things are, they are the residue of your entanglement with us. The collateral effects of us taking from you. These are all difficult enough to comprehend and deal with, especially in an eroded and worn down state. But why do we return and pile hatred onto the pain, misery onto the woe and malice onto the hurt? Why do we engage in the Malign Follow-Up Hoover?
The Malign Hoover occurs when we revisit you, in many different ways, sometimes in person, sometimes through technology and sometimes through others with the intent of hurting your further. Why do we do this? Have we not made you suffer enough? Have we not had our fill of your begging, pleading, loving, attempts to make us happy? Why can we not just leave you be? You do not even have the less hurtful experience of benign follow-up hoovers where we seek positive fuel and to charm you back into the Formal Relationship. This is pure, unadulterated malice, directed at you time and time again.
Let us start by ascertaining which of our kind utilises this hoover? The answer is, all of our kind. The Lesser. The Mid-Range and the Greater all engage in the application of the Malign FUH. It may not happen with every victim, but it part of each school of narcissist’s arsenal.
When is it used? It occurs when the Formal Relationship has ended, thus when you have been disengaged from or if you have managed to escape.
How does it occur? As ever, since it is a hoover, it relies on the Hoover Trigger and the Hoover Execution Criteria being fulfilled but there are additional considerations and motivations which you ought to be aware of.
The Greater Narcissist. If you have been disengaged from, you can expect a Malign FUH reasonably soon post discard, because the energy levels and intrinsic malevolence of the Greater will facilitate this type of hoover more than the Mid-Range or the Lesser. The Greater has an enhanced desire to punish you for failing us (hence why you were devalued and discarded) but those treatments are not deemed enough. You failed. We see this as a criticism of us and therefore it is justifiable to punish you. The Malign FUH is also deployed because the fuel we gain from your negative emotional responses to being hurt, assists us in powering our ongoing seduction of your replacement. Thus, not only are you being punished for your perceived failures, you are being used to ensure that your replacement is embedded and seduced.
The Malign FUH allows us to triangulate you with the new replacement and it allows us to demonstrate to the façade that you are trouble and this is why we have to be harsh with you (we have been left with no choice but to do this – or so the façade is made to believe).
The Greater may switch to a Benign FUH at a later stage (usually when your replacement is being devalued) and some positive hoover fuel is required or even to tee you up to return to the position of primary source. It is the case however that following your discard you will face Malign FUHs and they will arise shortly after the discard has happened so long as the trigger and criteria occur.
Where you have escaped you will face the Initial Grand Hoover first of all in order to suck you back into the Formal Relationship. If this fails you will have a period of respite, many weeks, perhaps months, as we focus on the acquisition of a new primary source and remain away from you as a consequence of your resistance denoting that we are wasting our energy and you are an unattractive fuel prospect.

Once our fuel levels have increased again and have done so for a while, then subject to the trigger and criteria the Malign FUHs will occur. As above this is to punish you, but the malice will be greater because you escaped us, the ultimate act of treachery. The new primary source will be in place, therefore there is no need to for the fuel that is generated to seduce this person (although it may be partially used to power the ongoing golden period).

More likely, the fuel gathered from these Malign Hoovers is so potent and effective that we use the power generated to keep hammering you with more and more hoovers. This creates a dangerous situation because there will be a combining of a Malicious Obsession and a Fuel Obsession so you are lodged in the sixth sphere thus there are repeated triggers.

The fuel has been obtained and thus the criteria is more readily going to be met.
If you have escaped your narcissist and you find that you are being subjected to repeated and sustained malign hoovers of this nature, you have been unfortunate enough to become lodged in the sixth sphere owing to one or probably both of these obsessions.
The Mid-Range and The Lesser Narcissists have far less interest in punishing you.

They do occur and if so, they will be shortly after your discard and short and sharp in nature. These narcissists do not have the energy levels to embark on a sustained campaign of Malign Hoovers purely for punishment, they need to utilise the fuel to gain more fuel from their seduction. It can happen, but their concern is to focus on the new primary source and therefore their malign hoovers are designed to power their seduction of your replacement. Accordingly, if you have been discarded, the Mid-Range or Lesser will be focused on your replacement and if they deploy Malign FUHs this will be done to provide them with fuel to secure the seduction and embed this replacement. Once this is achieved, the Malign FUHs will tail off.
If you have escaped, you will also experience an Initial Grand Hoover from these types, but if it fails they will need to focus their efforts on securing a new primary source and gaining that fuel promptly. They will not have the energy or desire to maintain a malicious campaign against you as well. You are more likely to be left alone as they deal with their fuel shortage and then any follow-up hoovers which occur down the line are far more likely to be benign in nature, since the seduction and embedding has already taken place.
Accordingly, Malign FUHs are predominantly, albeit not exclusively, the preserve of the Greater Narcissist.
This is not complete however without some consideration of you, the recipient of these Malign FUHs. Dependent on what category of empathic individual you are, this will also impact on the nature and purpose of the hoovers.
Versus a Standard Empath. This will be done to draw negative fuel and potentially to draw you back in to the Formal Relationship so the pain stops, but Benign FUHs are more likely to be used to achieve this latter aim with the empath.
Versus a Super Empath. This is done to draw fuel only. The Super Empath will not be drawn back into the relationship through Malign FUHs, but they will seek to resist the impact. They may well provide fuel from their responses of frustration, hurt and anger, but we are aware that there is no prospect of returning the Super Empath to the Formal Relationship. That can only be done through the Initial Grand Hoover or Benign FUHs.
Versus a Co-Dependent. Again, the Malign FUH will draw fuel but the Co-Dependent is, of all the empathic types, the one who is most likely to be pulled back in because of a Malign FUH as they see it as the only way to halt the agony that is being caused.
What do Malign FUHs appear like? There are hundreds of different ways they manifest. Here is a selection.
1. Posting your mobile number on a sex website so you receive repeated calls harassing you;
2. Shouting insults at you when we see you;
3. Putting a brick through your window;
4. Slashing the tyres on your car;
5. Following you and glaring at you;
6. Sending funeral wreaths to your home;
7. Sending vicious text messages and e-mails;
8. Having Lieutenants contact you to insult you;
9. Daubing insults in paint on your car or house;
10. Smearing dog mess on your windows;
11. Threatening to contact social services (or indeed contacting them) so you are investigated;
12. Hacking into your computers;
13. Leaving notes and messages containing threats and warnings;
14. Posting comments about you which are unpleasant on social media;
15. Uploading intimate footage of you onto porn sites;
16. Posting intimate pictures of you on the internet and/or to your family and friends;
17. Incurring financial liabilities on your behalf;
18. Setting fire to possessions you have left with us and dumping the charred remains on your drive and/or sending you footage;
19. Threatening to steal/harm your pets;
20. Repeatedly driving by your home or workplace.
21. Reporting you to the police and/or other authorities so you are arrested/investigated;
22. Seeking a restraining order against you on trumped up grounds.
How do you deal with the Malign FUH? Understand whether you are at risk of it happening by considering the points above. Stay out of the spheres of influence, make yourself a F.R.E.E. in the hope that the hoover execution criteria are not met (chief amongst which is reducing all potential contact as far as you can) and thereafter bracing yourself. In short, you must implement a full and complete no contact regime by using this How To Stop the Hoovers

If, you do not do this and they keep happening, avoid giving fuel as best as you can and seek assistance from others to either build a buffer between you and us (thus making the criteria harder to fill for a hoover to take place) or escalate the matter to the relevant authorities on the basis of harassment and/or specific criminal behaviour.

Understand how it happens, why it happens and thus you can prepare yourself.
What has been the nature of the Malign Follow-Up Hoovers that you have experienced?

22 thoughts on “Plagued : Malign Follow-Up Hoovers

  1. Robin says:

    During divorce process (which took 3 years!) I was reported to CPS twice, had my phone & computer hacked, was stalked continuously by neighbors and a hired PI, and his new supply posted never ending, nasty comments about me on social media. Now divorce is final, he continues to email me once a week, asking to come to my home to pick up his belongings that he left behind 3 years ago. Obviously nothing worth any value because he never shows up when we make arrangements. He makes excuses, claiming to be “afraid” of me, doesn’t want to be exposed to MY lies, etc. I told him to requests police standby, but he refuses. I believe he is aware that he is about to lose his control over me forever, and is trying desperately to stay engaged.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Why are you in email contact?

  2. Fellowgirl says:

    You write that negative fuel of former partner helps narcissist in securing new IPPS. But what if new IPPS is secured and the former partner still gives fuel – she is hurt, angry, jealous… does this affect in any way narcissist’s new relationship, gives them longer golden period for example?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Once the new IPPS is secured, the Former IPPS is likely to be left alone unless

      1. The Former IPPS is a victim of a Malice Campaign please see https://gum.co/YalwF , or
      2. The Former IPPS keeps causing Hoover Triggers (driven by being hurt, angry and jealous) see https://gum.co/aDlgE

      Will it affect the narcissists new relationship? It will be highly unlikely to cause any damage and instead will unite narcissist and victim against the Former IPPS.
      If you wish to understand this dynamic in greater detail and understand what you should be doing, FG, do arrange a consultation.

  3. dollysupreme says:

    Since we parted company (months ago) he insisted on keeping my photograph as his Wats app profile picture (I’ve changed my number so don’t check anymore) this is to deter other men, and convince people he still ‘loves’ me. He parks down my cul-de-sac from time to time. He has turned up at my workplace . He approached my ex boyfriend while out to compare notes on me in the pub. He messaged my daughter with photos of the three of us . He then kindly turned up, abducted me in his car and strangled me openly in the street when the above failed to get a response ….I’m just waiting for the next instalment.

    1. lickemtomorrow says:

      Oh, DollySupreme, I hope you are consulting with HG. He sounds dangerous and I’m not sure what the next installment is but i would hope it’s a restraining order or some other measure to keep you safe.

      Please take care <3

      1. Violetta says:

        Ditto everything LET said. We don’t want you to be featured on Dateline.

        1. dollysupreme says:

          I don’t know what Dateline is, maybe I shouldn’t find out? …..
          Anyway thank you ladies, I think he’s ensnared a new victim. All’s quiet on the Western front for now……He tends to crop up when he needs fuel and when his life isn’t going so well. I’m sure you can both relate. If he comes within an inch of me again I will actually press charges. I didn’t follow HGs advice to the T when I should of done. I learnt a harsh lesson.

          1. lickemtomorrow says:

            I definitely can relate through past experience and I’m sorry it turned out to be a harsh lesson. Just glad you are OK and HG has given you the advice you need to stay safe. If pressing charges is what you have to do, the pressing charges is what you have to do. It’s on him if he decides to come back around. Take care DS <3

          2. Violetta says:

            Per Wikipedia:

            “Dateline NBC, or simply Dateline, is a weekly American television newsmagazine/reality legal show that is broadcast on NBC. It was previously the network’s flagship news magazine, but now focuses mainly on true crime stories with only occasional editions that focus on other topics.”

            People like Drew Peterson, Jodi Arias, and Chris Watts tend to show up on it. 20/20 (on ABC) is similar.

            Basically, if the plot could supply a made-for-TV movie on the Lifetime channel, the documentary version will show up on Dateline or 20/20.

          3. dollysupreme says:

            Thank you lickemT. Isn’t it sad we aren’t all sharing our experiences with magical fairies and unicorns lol.

          4. HG Tudor says:

            Don’t do drugs kids.

          5. dollysupreme says:

            One addiction battle at a time please HG….Just finishing my stint here with narcoholics anonymous…..The mushroom picking can wait.

          6. HG Tudor says:

            Ha ha

  4. Asp Emp says:

    HG’s paragraph in this post – That howling wilderness where nothing makes sense and you are left to pick yourself up and tackle the daily agony of what has happened to you. The gnawing hurt of wanting us back, the bewildering mystery of why somebody who supposedly loved you could do such a thing to you, the stark realisation that we have moved on to someone else without so much as a backwards glance towards you.

    Howling wilderness – I get that. I felt it. I felt it very deeply.

    I am still coming to terms with the fact that narcissism exists where people have a ‘facade’ to pretend to love you. I am still struggling to accept that narcissism does this to people who have the ‘condition’. It will take me time to process all of this. The pain is undescribable – it can only be put into words by those who have had the ‘pleasure’ of experiencing an intimate relationship with a narcissist, and recovered from it.

    1. Summer says:

      Thank you for sharing Asp Emp. It took me awhile too but u r definitely n the right place. Hugs to you!

    2. lickemtomorrow says:

      I think a lot of us feel that way, Asp Emp, which is why we come here to vent our spleens. It’s a catharsis of a kind and without it I think it would be very difficult to move on. That, and having the knowledge gained here to help us do that. Sometimes there is a need to sit with that pain for a while as a means of acknowledging it. That’s what I’ve found anyway. And the need to return to it from time to time also. It’s like peeling the layers off an onion. The initial shock of a discard/disengagement leaves us unable to take in much, but as we begin to build our strength and overcome that we are able to digest more of the knowledge we need, strengthen ourselves further, and so on.

      I’d compare it to a baby moving from milk to solids. Something you gradually build up to <3

      1. dollysupreme says:

        I totally understand this take. I don’t think I will ever get my head around a person lacking what actually makes us human. Makes you question if they are actually some demonic force at work sent to do the Devi’s bidding …..

        1. lickemtomorrow says:

          I think that word ‘lack’ probably says it all. And I have heard evil described as a lack of goodness as opposed to a force of its own account. Taking into account the very negative emotions which underlie narcissism I’d say there is a force which is the opposite of good, i.e. malignant, which could also be interpreted as ‘evil’. But for it to enter, the good or love must first be rejected. This is my belief. That no child is created bad and there is a malignant force which enters through opportunity such as abuse, neglect, etc. Of course we can apply Psychology and Psychiatry to that for a more scientific explanation, but for me there is also a spiritual dimension. Thus the words which came to mind when I was with my narc – “Abandon all hope ye who enter here”. It was a clear signal to me that spiritual war was afoot.

          1. dollysupreme says:

            What a perfect saying to sum up an encounter with a narcissist! I love sayings. I try to remember as many as possible……You never know when you might need to pull one out of the bag. They come in handy lol.

  5. Waywei says:

    Good question. Actually, you’ve highlighted how I was once with a ‘greater’. He contacted social services, the Police – on trumped up allegations, he contacted my work, threatened to have my son taken into care, hee even went out of his way to befriend (that were his favourite terminology) my colleagues (I have no idea how he did it, given I had never introduced him), and a high school teacher. His intention – in his own words – were to destroy me. I had ‘rejected’ him. When all of that failed, he resorted to hurting himself and I mean serious injuries, to his head and body, for which he’d contact Police, claiming he were assaulted by me, and others associated with me (largely those who didn’t buy his charade), still without success. The last I saw of him was after he’d broke into my home, waking myself and my 8 Yr old son. I was met with serious psychotic rage, seething, where I was punched several times around my body and head and told categorically he’d paid someone 1000s to have me ‘taken out’. Little did he know, I’d managed to call 999 – the operator heard his every move, and words. He was charged convicted – no jail time sadly, but he got out of town, never to be seen again. 3 years that went on, and no amount of pleading, begging, demanding that his stalking/serious harassment stop, worked. That were 10 years ago, thankfully the laws have changed, so had he been doing that type of shit now, he’d go to jail. An evil man, who just doesn’t get the notion of free will and autonomy. I was no willing participant, I was a victim and in grave danger.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You were not with a greater, Waywei.

Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.