Love Me, Hate Me, But Never Ignore Me

 

1-17

I want your love. I want your hate. I want your joy. I want your tears. I want every single emotional ounce that you possess and I want it directed at me. It is easy to understand why anybody would want to be loved because isn’t that what everybody only ever wants to have? To love and be loved. Of course it is. I only ever wanted to be loved and no matter what I did, no matter how hard I tried it was denied to me. Push yourself harder, go further, work harder and you can have it. I was promised that gain repeatedly and I complied. I strove and I toiled and I grafted. I studied, I obeyed, I trained, I ran and I ran fast, I jumped and I jumped higher than anyone else. I tackled, I shot, I pushed, I swam, I wrote, I complied, I answered, I read and I read. I did everything that was ever demanded of me. Does that sound familiar to you? Of course it is. You know what it is like to give your all and it still not be enough. You know what it feels like to keep trying until you feel like you have nothing left to give anymore. Why do you think that we are so effective in extracting that sensation from you? It is because my kind has been schooled in such a technique for so long that it becomes second nature.

Of course I was praised. I was encouraged. I was supported. I was pushed. I was told and instructed and ordered. The plaudits came but there was always the caveat.

“That is an excellent result, next time try for one hundred per cent.”

“Brilliant time but I know you can do it faster. You just need to try harder.”

“It is good but not as good as you can do. You are better than that.”

“Not bad but you will let me down if you do not get to the top of the class.”

Still, although it was conditional praise it was still praise nonetheless and this combined with my endeavours meant that I was never ignored. The achievements accumulated, the prizes were gathered and the accolades were acquired. Upwards, always upwards. Accordingly, your praise and admiration means so much to me. It was always the standard by which I was judged and so it is the same now. I crave the adulation and the passion, that is why I work so hard to cause you to give it to me. I want it, I want to be seen, I want to be recognised and that means I must receive your emotion sodden attention. It does not matter if you are shouting at me or beggin me to stop, so long as it id directed towards me. This is why everything I do is calculated to provide a reaction.

When I am seducing you, you must never ignore me. I have too much invested in your acquisition to lose you to someone of something else. My bombardment of you with messages and attention is to draw you to me, but it is also to ensure that you do not venture somewhere else and I am denied your attention. This is why I will text you and if there is not a prompt response I will text you again, then again, then call you and then turn up at your house. I need to know you are responding to my seduction. I need to control you. There is too much at stake to allow you to ignore me.

Once devaluation begins then I need once more the emotionally charged attention that comes from you weeping, shouting and screaming. It never troubles me in the same way that it troubles you to be shouted at. I require it and all it does is make me feel powerful because I know that I can prompt these responses from you by virtue of my manipulations. I know by saying nothing that you will beg and plead with me to explain what is wrong, hang around me, eyes wide in confusion as you beseech me to tell you what you have done wrong.

I am not fussy about the emotions which you pour my way. Good or bad I will take them all. The bad do admittedly make me feel more powerful but the sweet potency of favourable responses and eyes glowing with admiration are most welcome too. That is one of the reasons I alternate back and forth, making you happy and joyful towards me and then full or woe and anger. The contrast reinforces my omnipotence because I am the puppetmaster. One moment I can make you laugh and then with a flick of the switch I have you in tears. That is power. That is control and this is what emphasises my greatness. Yes, I know you consider such behaviour wrong. I am well aware of that and do not be fooled by any pretence to the contrary. I am fully aware that such behaviour is considered, bad, wrong and evil, according to your values but you ought to know that this game is not being played according to your rules. It is played with mine and I always have to win.

Should you be treacherous and be the bad person that I always suspected you to be and ignore me, then I will provoke you all the more in order to gain my reaction. Few of you realise that this is the aim, at least, not until much later. You are unable to understand this sudden escalation, this switching because of the confusion that you are mired in. I am grateful that this is the case for when you ignore me I begin to crumble. The edifice that I have built up begins to crack, splinter and fracture and I must escape your betrayal and seek out the emotions of others in order to compensate for your seditious behaviour. If I cannot bring your love or hate to the fore, I cannot remain to be ignored, for that is my death sentence and I am not allowing you to sign that warrant. I must be loved for I am worthy of the most perfect love, I must be hated because my works are that of the devil and attract your furious ire. Always look my way, always give me your emotions and never turn your back on me. Do that and all will be well. At least, for me, but then, isn’t this all about me anyway?

39 thoughts on “Love Me, Hate Me, But Never Ignore Me

  1. Cup Cakes says:

    All I wanted was to be wanted & loved but unfortunately I was constantly denied.

  2. Empath007 says:

    What about indifference ? Would that be in the same catergory of ignore ? Because as much as the narcissits May magically think everyone is affected by them. There are also a lot of people that remain indifferent.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      The problem is complete indifference is actually very hard to achieve when you remain proximate to the narcissist (see Why Grey Rock Does Not Work) far better not to have anything to do with the narcissist or remove yourself by ignoring the narcissist if he or she comes near.

      1. Empath007 says:

        I more meant the people who Are not in their fuel matrix. For myself, yes, indifference would be hard to achieve in person with my X. I can admit too much time in close proximity would be difficult.

        However there are narcissist I walk by on the street everyday. We just walk by one another, never to see each other again. The ones I don’t know. Does it bother them that so many people are just … indifferent ? I suppose they’d consider that wounding even though from my perspective it’s not. Especially in a big city, the faces all just seem to blend together. And while some
        Strangers do smile and say hello there is nothing meaningful behind it. Does it bother them so many people (billions to be exact) will never even know who they are or that they existed ?

        While some narcs achieve international fame. Many do not. Would that be something they think about ? Or are they typically more focused on their matrix and controlling their own world around them ?

        I hope that question does not offend. Sometimes I am blunt in my observations of human existence. But the indifference is out there… and I wonder if it bothers them. Or if they even realize it’s there.

  3. December Infinity says:

    As much as I tried to ignore the last narc he would step up the abuse. Ignoring him would set him off on yet another tirade. So glad I don’t have to endure any more of his treatment.

    1. Emma286 says:

      “Ignoring him would set him off on yet another tirade.”

      I guess at some stage during no contact he did this?

      I’ve heard the use of no contact has a down side. I am making the guess that this is likely it – sudden abuse escalation.

      1. HG Tudor says:

        No. If you do no contact properly (and most people do not because they do not understand it) you cannot be abused further because the abuser cannot reach you.

        1. December Infinity says:

          Exactly. I had to change my number and then he couldn’t reach me.

          1. HG Tudor says:

            Absolutely.

        2. Emma286 says:

          I’ve checked out at least a couple of the videos you’ve made on YouTube regarding no contact. I am bearing them in mind.

          But say somebody did everything right, what’s to stop a really determined violent abuser from doing something like carrying out property or car damage – or harming their pets (cats for example do wander)? Surely that’s still being abused further?

          1. HG Tudor says:

            It is however, as I have explained previously, the reason why most people are hoovered (and property or car damage is a hoover) is because

            1. They do not know how to do no contact properly because too much rubbish is written about narcissism by people who do not understand it which results in people writing things like “HG I am in no contact but he keeps texting me, how do I make him stop?” You are NOT in no contact if the narcissist can text you. If you want to know what no contact actually involves and how to about it, only my work provides the depth and accuracy. If you do not apply it, you will get hoovered , and
            2. Emotional thinking causes them to not implement Total No Contact and/or fail to maintain it. See Kicking the Hornet´s Nest to understand how that works.

            If you implement a Total No Contact Regime, dealing with the external and internal battles the likelihood of experiencing hoovers (including the examples you provide) is vastly reduced.

          2. NarcAngel says:

            Emma
            I liken it to a burglar. If I am careful in addressing my security by utilizing good locks on my doors and windows and not leaving valuables exposed, a determined burglar could still make an attempt, but he is more likely to look around for another target that affords them easier entry.

          3. Emma286 says:

            @ HG

            “It is however, as I have explained previously, the reason why most people are hoovered (and property or car damage is a hoover) is because

            “1. They do not know how to do no contact properly because too much rubbish is written about narcissism by people who do not understand it which results in people writing things like “HG I am in no contact but he keeps texting me, how do I make him stop?” You are NOT in no contact if the narcissist can text you.”

            Okay.

            “If you want to know what no contact actually involves and how to go about it, only my work provides the depth and accuracy. If you do not apply it, you will get hoovered.”

            Happy to bear in mind what you’ve covered on no contact in your YouTube videos. While I’ve personally not got any narc exes after me, I still have my reasons for being interested in doing so.

            “Emotional thinking causes them to not implement Total No Contact and/or fail to maintain it.”

            Can well believe it.

            “See Kicking the Hornet´s Nest to understand how that works.”

            Thanks. Not possible for me just now, but I will finish checking out your YouTube video on the subject of emotional thinking and excuses.

            “If you implement a Total No Contact Regime, dealing with the external and internal battles the likelihood of experiencing hoovers (including the examples you provide) is vastly reduced.”

            Will bear that in mind.

            @ Narc Angel

            Fair comments.

      2. December Infinity says:

        No this was during the relationship. Once I ended it, I blocked his number and then changed my number and from that point he was unable to contact me.

  4. Cup Cakes says:

    HG, Do the narcs get fuel from hurting there loved ones emotionally?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Read the book Fuel.

  5. Cup Cakes says:

    Don”t need fake love.

  6. Asp Emp says:

    When I was reading this one, I thought ‘woah’. Even more ‘woah’ when I read the last paragraph. As it’s this paragraph where empaths are being given the tools to act upon – effectively, not to love, not to hate, and to ignore the narcissist. Because of my empathic nature, I can also understand and feel empathy – at the same time, we empaths are being empowered to G.O.S.O

  7. Eternity says:

    HG, I get very upset when I read about what you went through growing up ! You sounded like such an intelligent person with amazing qualities . How was that not good enough. I would have been so proud of you ! You deserved much more

    1. Asp Emp says:

      I agree. Great comment Eternity.

      1. Eternity says:

        Thank you so much Asp.Emp. it’s so true.

    2. Emma286 says:

      I think this sort of thing is very sad too. Many people go through this kind of thing. Though not all go on to be abusers, develop personality disorders etc I get the idea it’s not an uncommon thing with people either. Seriously fucked up things happen all the time to people in early life. The world is largely a very messed up place imho. 🙁

  8. Emma says:

    “I only ever wanted to be loved and no matter what I did, no matter how hard I tried it was denied to me.”

    Are you saying that this was your experience when you were young?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No, it was the experience of the man in the pie shop.

      1. Witch says:

        Hamilton, would you ever considered practicing regression, like behaving as a child and have someone look after you? (I mean I know there’s times you already behave like a child in a metaphorical sense but I mean literally behaving like a child)
        Have someone feed you, squeeze you, bath you, tuck you into bed, read you a bed time story…
        It might be therapeutic, you know

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Bitch, oh er I mean Witch my name is HG.

          1. Witch says:

            Bitch/witch either way it’s accurate, so I’ll take it! Thanks Uncle HeGe

          2. Cup Cakes says:

            LOL

        2. MommyPino says:

          Witch, practicing regression? Is that a real thing? It sounds pretty traumatizing instead of therapeutic. 🥴

          1. Witch says:

            @MP
            Yeah age regression is a real thing, usually it is a way to cope with trauma.
            It can be subtle and also very overt.
            Think collecting teddy bears to wearing adult diapers

          2. MommyPino says:

            Thanks Witch, I had no idea. I thought maybe you just made it up because you were picking on HG but I also thought that I may have heard of that term before so I asked if it is true. That would probably not be good for me as I hated the fact that my N mom treated me like a two year old my whole life. It might cause all kinds of anger issues to rise and I might end up assaulting the therapist. But maybe for some people it can be helpful.

          3. Julie Petkovska says:

            Witch is confusing, Regression therapy which is done via hypnosis and it doesnt involve you acting like a child, its about memory…and the other she describes is a sexual fetish. Not related at all.

            Just in case new readers get the wrong information or if a reader is going through that type of therapy which is common.

          4. MommyPino says:

            Ahh thank you Julie. I thought I have heard of that therapy before but haven’t paid attention to what it entails.

          5. Witch says:

            @julie
            Age regression is not necessarily a sexual fetish. Some people use it for sexual purposes and some people do not. Some people age regress without even thinking about it e.g sucking their thumb when they are tired (it’s not always a conscious decision.)
            I wasn’t trying to imply it was a type of therapy that actual psychotherapists use, it’s a coping strategy that some people find therapeutic

        3. NarcAngel says:

          Witch

          Epic fail. You are still trying for title of narc but ended up with something else entirely haha. I heard you’re getting transferred to Fakebook.

          (Yes we side eyed each other and there was nervous giggling before HG replied).

          1. Witch says:

            @NA
            That wasn’t even a little bit narcy?
            Maybe I’m going about this the wrong way.
            Maybe I should make reasonable, thoughtful and logical comments instead and then someone will accuse me of being a narc?

        4. Violetta says:

          Strangely, my Warner Brother moment didn’t make it through moderation. Oh well.

        5. Beguiled says:

          Witch – It almost sounds like you believe HG could “fix” himself from this practice. Isn’t that emotional thinking? Holding on to the idea that Narcs can change?

      2. Emma says:

        You might want to re-read what I actually said.

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