Angel Assistance Fund

 

 

 

My readers asked for this fund to be established, many have benefitted from it, many continue to seek its help.  Below, regular reader “Fiddleress” wishes to enlist your assistance 

As the comments on the Autumn – Distraction thread show, this season is a sensitive time of year for many of us. These comments are just the top of the iceberg, so to speak: many will not comment although they will probably feel the same about Autumn. ET rising. More need for support. Therefore more need for the Angel Assistance Fund. Christmas time might be even worse for some, and Spring is no better for many – another ‘in-between’ season, like Autumn.

As one who was raised in a family where we never knew if there would be enough money available to feed everyone for the rest of the month, I can understand how people might think twice about donating even $10. And I would feel awful about making anyone feel guilty for not donating at least that amount.
So I thought it could be an idea to tell everyone who is currently in a difficult situation moneywise that they should NOT feel bad, mean, embarrassed or ridiculous, about donating $1. Given the high number of readers here, if everyone donated just one dollar, it would mean that tens of thousands of dollars could go to the AAF, and this would mean that many, many empaths could be helped!

How about making one particular day in the month, every month, the $1 Donation Day? Let’s say the 18th of each month (just to spite my ex-narc for a start, since the 18th October is a bad anniversary for him!).
Regardless of how much everyone CAN donate the rest of the time, and preferably on a regular basis, I suggest we call on ALL readers, including those who do not comment, since they are the majority as I understand, to donate just one dollar on the 18th of each month, starting today

We are all getting invaluable information for free through everything that HG posts on this blog, and all the questions he answers here. One dollar is surely within everyone’s means. It costs less than a coffee anywhere – even in a French bar (1,30 euros), and much less than in any of those famous takeaways whose brands I will not advertise.

In a nutshell: IF you are in a situation where you cannot donate more, you ought to know that your $1 donation will be appreciated and will go towards helping those, maybe even you at some point, in need of direct help from HG. Which really is life-changing, as many (including myself) have already testified to.

Thank you for reading: you can really help make a difference.”

To assist please use this link. Thank you in advance from those you are assisting.

303 thoughts on “Angel Assistance Fund

  1. HealingRainbow says:

    The first time I commented on the blog was the Spring/Summer of 2018 as Broken Rainbow. At the time, I was involved with a Narcissist (not confirmed by HG). After recognizing certain behaviours, I believed him to be a Mid Ranger Narcissist. I was unable to consult with HG due to finances. I finally escaped him implementing (what I thought was) No Contact. However, due to circumstances in my life, I stopped reading the blog. This was a huge mistake.

    I met a man last year, the attraction between us was electric and magnetic. We were friends for months before it turned romantic. He demonstrated behaviours at the start of our friendship (buying gifts) but I was unable to recognize them due to my soaring ET. I contacted HG in July as I had suspicions I was ensnared again.

    The AAF is a fantastic program as it changes people’s lives. I am grateful I was able to access it. I purchased the NDC with trepidation, HG confirmed this man is a Narcissist. I have consulted with HG several times since July. HG along with the AAF has saved me. I stopped responding to the Narcissist’s texts, within one week I changed my phone number and email address. Unfortunately, this man lives in close proximity to me making life difficult.

    I am grateful for the AAF as it gave me the ability to receive HG’s help and expertise. Without the AAF, I am positive I would still be ensnared. I cannot express how much gratitude I have for HG and the AAF.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Good to read and thank you for sharing your experience, that is important.

      1. HealingRainbow says:

        You are welcome HG. I plan to keep contributing to the AAF as my finances allow.

        1. FYC says:

          HealingRainbow, Thank you for sharing your story. I’m so glad to know that you were able to leave both narcissists and have begun to heal. I hope you will continue to comment and let us know how you are doing as you move forward.

  2. Leigh says:

    Just donated and I purchased some bulletins also. From now on, when I purchase from the Knowledge Vault, I’ll make sure to include a donation as well. Even if it’s only a couple of dollars.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you for doing so.

      1. Leigh says:

        You’re very welcome

    2. Kristin says:

      Leigh,
      Congrats on buying bulletins and it was kind of you to donate, that is a great first step. You are and will get there, this can be extremely overwhelming. I have often berated myself for not moving ahead faster but have realized that if I am pushed, I will shut down and get nowhere.

      Earlier this year I posted about specific abuse that I was dealing with at home. The bloggers opened my eyes by telling me that it could easily escalate given his past behavior and I took it to heart. As a matter of fact, I still think about what they told me. I was encouraged to get out ASAP but I know my family and the time was not quite right. HG has been very understanding and has assured me that this is a process. You are doing great and know yourself better than anyone. Listen to your intuition, it will not let you down. Glad you are here!

      1. Leigh says:

        Hi Kristin, if I feel pushed or overwhelmed, I tend to shut down as well. I’m afraid of change. The devil you know vs the devil you don’t know. For some reason, I feel safe with him. There’s no physical abuse just lots of gaslighting and other manipulations, which I’ve gotten used to. What if I leave and the abuse is worse with the next person?

        1. Kristin says:

          Leigh,
          I understand now why you are hesitant to leave. We become conditioned to the abuse and make excuses for it. I also understand your fear in losing the comfort and security of what you have. Like you, I knew something was really off about him but did not have a word for it until I learned he had NPD. I’m glad you bought bulletins so you can educate yourself even more. Those will explain much of what you have endured over the years providing ah ha moments. Continue to educate yourself and we are here when the ET spikes, you need to vent and when you feel ready to take the next step. 💚
          You have been here longer than me and now that I think about it, I remember you posting.

          1. Leigh says:

            I was probably six months in when I first started posting and I only posted sporadically. I would ask Mr. Tudor questions or make comments about articles and books. I was too nervous to have a conversation with anyone. I’m bit introverted until you pull me out of my shell. Then I can’t shut up, lol. Its really only the past couple of months that I’m commenting much more frequently. Im starting to feel safe here. One other thing, I had come to this blog because of another narcissist in my life. I was ashamed and didn’t want to share my story. It was while I was here that I realized that narcissism plays a much bigger role in my life.

          2. Another Cat says:

            Leigh

            ” I would ask Mr. Tudor questions or make comments about articles and book.

            I was too nervous to have a conversation with anyone.”

            This. I did this for almost a year.

            Maybe this nervosity is one of the reasons very few men join in to comment here, and more male commenters on HG’s youtube-channel (so far, at least) We seem to be a ” tightly knit” group here on Narcsite.

        2. Kristin says:

          Leigh,
          Truthseeker said it so well, “take the pressure off of yourself and allow time to further your understanding.” If you feel overwhelmed while on this site, pull back if needed.
          I would like to encourage you, if you are able, to take the empath detector for you and no one else. It was one of the best things I could have done for myself, ever. I will always marvel at how HG knew me better than I knew myself. I am 51 and have always known I was different than most. Like most empaths, I feel things much more strongly than most. I take on the emotions of others to include perfect strangers. I sense things before they happen and have dreams that come to fruition. Each day is a roller coaster of emotions depending on who I am around or even if I am by myself. It is completely exhausting and, in turn, I have told myself for as long as I can remember that I am just not good at life. However, now that HG has fully explained who I have fully embraced my empathetic self! Questions that I have had my whole life were answered. Even if you cannot relate to all that I have experienced, you will not regret taking the ED.
          Enough of me, I am beginning to sound like an infomercial! If you order now HG will throw in a set of Ginsu knives.
          I will not continue to bombard you with more advice but wanted to let you know what an impact the ED has had on me. We have been where you are now and there is nothing you can say that will turn us away. 🤗

          1. lickemtomorrow says:

            ‘Enough of me, I am beginning to sound like an infomercial! If you order now HG will throw in a set of Ginsu knives.” Haha Kristin, I was beginning to think the same thing – not about you, but me 😉 It’s hard not to sound like an infomercial when you’ve benefited so much from being here. Perhaps we should expect a set of Ginsu knives?

          2. Leigh says:

            Kristin & Truthseeker,
            Thank you for all your help. Part of my problem is that I’m stubborn and I say to myself that I can do this by myself. I don’t need anyone’s help. My upbringing forced me to learn to take care of myself, my siblings and my mother at a very young age. I’m just starting to realize that this is bigger then me and that I may need some serious help.

            The other issue is that I was in denial for a very long time. I’m starting to become more aware of my childhood as well. Its all coming to the fore now and I need to take a minute to soak it all in. I was reading K’s post last night about her being burned with cigarettes at 5 years old by her Aunt. It broke my hear. While I didn’t experience that exactly, it did make me think about my own childhood. My father was from South America and to discipline, he would punch us in the head with his knuckle. For the longest time I didn’t believe it was abuse because his intention was to discipline, not to abuse us. On top of that he was an alcoholic and my mother had serious psychological issues as well. She may well be a victim narcissist herself. Because of her issues, I was forced to take care of her, at an early age.

            One good thing is that if I decided to leave, my children would be supportive. Thank goodness for that. They tell me to leave, all the time. They tell me to stop making excuses for him. The problem with that is that they are still in my home and I wouldn’t want to leave them there with my husband. I’ve always been there to protect them. Even though they are adults, if I leave, I still wonder, who will protect them then?

            I can’t thank the two of you enough. Just having someone to listen, really helps. This is a huge step for me. I never would have shared this 18 months ago. I’m getting there slowly but surely.

      2. Leigh says:

        By the way, thats a rhetorical question. Thats what just goes through my head.

        1. Truthseeker6157 says:

          Leigh, you can only go when you are ready. Otherwise I think you risk leaving then going back. Try to take the pressure off yourself about having to make any kind of decision and when. Read the material instead and go at your own pace. The more informed you are, the clearer the choice will be.

          Whilst you are with the narcissist your ET remains high, that’s the downside. So, I imagine that your ET will provide all kinds of reasons as to why leaving would be a bad idea. Things can seem overwhelming and ET makes that even worse.

          These are life altering decisions aren’t they? No one can tell you what’s right for you. I think it’s great that you are here, reading and commenting. That’s a great starting point. Give yourself time. Take the pressure off yourself and allow time to further your understanding. There are no expectations here, just understanding. X

          1. Leigh says:

            Yes, it is a life altering decision. Its not only me, I have children who this will affect as well. They are adults but this will definitely send shock waves. How do I lower my ET without it affecting them too? For now, its easier to stay.

          2. Truthseeker6157 says:

            Hi Leigh,

            Having children to consider does make the decision more difficult, without doubt. As an empath you will always put them first ahead of yourself. This won’t change just because they are adults. What does change though is that as adults, they are more likely to understand. You would have more opportunity to explain the reasons for your decision and they are old enough to understand them. Not agree necessarily but understand.

            Lowering ET is extremely difficult whilst interacting with the narcissist. Even long distance for me took time for my ET to drop. It still goes up and down now 5 months into No Contact! Increasing understanding helps. Being sure he is a narcissist is the first step. It stops the questions, the what ifs and the excuses we make for the behaviours.

            Visualising when you can see yourself leaving and coming up with a plan as to how you would leave if you decided to, that might help too. Practical things. Location, home, money, etc. Consider speaking to a divorce lawyer too so that you better understand that process and how your finances would look. Problems seem unsolvable until you break them down into their relevant parts. Having a well considered plan might well help you to make your decision in an informed way that suddenly looks achievable.

            As far as lowering / managing your ET in your current situation, those would be my thoughts. HG might well come up with a far better suggestion though! As time moves on a little, if this is a decision that you are considering taking, the best advice I can give is to get the best advice! Consult with HG to formulate a pan that you can agree with and feel comfortable following.

            Hope this helps x

  3. Kristin says:

    Another Cat,
    Thank you for your words of encouragement. I fully intend to be one of HG’s success stories and hope Leigh and others will find freedom as well. We will have a virtual celebration! 🥰

    1. Another Cat says:

      Oh, and I intend to donate everytime i purchase something, good idea!

  4. Renarde says:

    This is just a general post not directed at anyone in particular.

    I’ve made a new friend. I like her because shes quirky and I would be very suprised if she’s not an Empath. However, she does not help herself. Does this sound familiar? (BTW she knows me by a different name, my real one).

    We got chatting and it became very clear she’s become ensnared. And has also suffered a catastrophic disaster in her personal circumstances. I pay for a audio consult.

    To cut a very long story short, whilst wanting it initially, she then started to throw excuses my way. A lot of excuses. As you can probably imagine, it annoyed me.

    I went to bed and on the inside I was chuntering. I could have given that money and someone could be using it RIGHT NOW.

    Weeks had gone on by this time. I then went with my consience; somebody needs it now.

    That’s the point isnt it? You just never bloody know when someone is desperately in crisis and needs help immediately.

    Lesson learned.

    A quid a month will help. Plus, leave reviews.

    Thank you.

    1. Truthseeker6157 says:

      Hey Renarde,

      It sounds like your friend just isn’t ready yet. He is all she can see. All you can do is be there for her. Telling her things she isn’t ready to hear will only stop her communicating and cause her to pull away. She can’t afford to pull away and she will really need your strength soon enough and that consultation! Horrible to watch when you know what’s happening and understand it so well yourself. I know I’d want you in my corner. So will she.

      1. Renarde says:

        TS

        You always give me the warm and fuzzies! X

        No, she cannot afford to pull away and she very night be an ‘Empath Circler’. As in, they go around in circles, rinse and repeat. I hope I’m making a misjudgment there but I believe I am not. I think it might be because I’m advising her to do the very thing her heart does not want to do; let go.

        Hopefully, all Empaths get to the point where they, ‘STOP’. And the recuse themselves of all situations of an intimate nature. All, including casual sex. You work on yourself. Its simply not possible to do that if you are with an unaware narc.

        The thing that grabs me is that she is saying, a narc. I’ve listened to her and gone, hes a narc. Yet she still goes back. To split, then go back when hoovered.

        I admit, I do get frustrated because I can see that she is a strong woman who has potential in life. She must have to have survived what she has. Also, she does check in with me from time to time. This woman does not need that mongrel. Oh, for only 20 minutes alone… but it’s not my fight.

        I agree. Not ready. I will be there when she is x

        1. Truthseeker6157 says:

          I know you will. Not the slightest doubt in my mind x

  5. K says:

    HG
    Dr. Craig Malkin charges $620 for a 50-minute consultation. That’s a lot of smackers!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you K, see how generous I am, superior information at a quarter of the cost. Maybe my rates should go up.

      1. Truthseeker6157 says:

        Mates rates?
        Why thank you kind Sir!

      2. Kristin says:

        Generous is an understatement HG, and I for one am very grateful. Your knowledge, assistance, posts and products are worth their weight in gold.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Indeed and thank you.

      3. K says:

        My pleasure HG,
        Your generosity has not been lost on me!

        I was shocked at the cost and, if he is a Midrange, it is indicative of a complete lack Emotional Empathy (it’s not affordable to many), entitlement, self-importance/grandiosity. That’s a hefty price tag for relationship advice.

        1. Truthseeker6157 says:

          Is that what Malkin does? Relationship advice? For $620! That’s crazy!

          I’ll google. (not for the relationship advice)

          1. K says:

            Truthseeker6157
            He wrote a book about Narcissism but, once I saw the word “Echoism”, I was skeptical so I never really gave him a second thought.

          2. HG Tudor says:

            So no echo in thought either K, Hg approves.

          3. Renarde says:

            TS

            I have just done. He’s absolutely bonkers.

            I especially love the phrase, ‘No walk-ins’. Like you say that on a professional, therapeutic website.

            That’s why you have ‘gatekeepers’ you silly twonk!

            Why, is he afraid someone might catch him on the job?

            Interesting one, he is. A very reasonable grasp of cognitive. Has a PhD (but that’s no sign of nowt), I’m tending towards a bog standard MMRN but could be Upper. Possibly utilised an Empath to edit his website.

            I suspect strongly it’s a sex-related/fuel scam. Which would normally push him into the Elite. I’m just not sure. I think he’s a Cerebral. Fact is, he is what I call a ‘suit-wearing pencil neck’. A man who has an over-inflated concept of his own sexual prowess coupled with an over-inflated concept of his own intelligence. Hence the outrageous consultation fee.

            If I’m correct, for him, he’s siphoning off money and he will be one of the ones who likes ‘the dirty blowie’. Hence no ‘walk-ins’.

            Which tells me something else, he either cannot afford a receptionist or does not want someone else privy to what he’s getting up too.

            Fascinating. If I had the clash to spaff I’d consult him. Just to see what the tool says.

            UMRNC.

          4. Truthseeker6157 says:

            His website has a narcissism test. Nine whole questions.
            Also, I see him with that smile, leaning over me with electrodes in his hands.

          5. K says:

            Hahahahaha…not even the tiniest of reverberations, HG!

    2. Renarde says:

      K

      WHAT???? He can kiss my ass!

      1. K says:

        Hahahahaha…he can kiss both our asses Renarde!

    3. Bubbles 🍾 says:

      Dearest K,
      For the rich n famous obviously
      Who’s the narc now ? Haha
      Luv Bubbles xx 😘

  6. BC30 says:

    Seems unlikely someone would be driven away. There is no pressure. This is but one article in hundreds of posts and numerous topics making a suggestion. As HG says, most Es just scroll on past things they disagree with.

    I have not donated. Yet. I don’t think I want a recurring payment. I do that for most all my charitable contributions area automated, monthly recurring debits (100% women-focused charities, but that’s an aside).

    I am undecided about HOW I want to give. I usually give larger lump sums during the holidays. If allowed, I would maybe prefer to purchase a service and directly gift to a reader. Maybe I’ll do all three methods of donation. We shall see.

    1. NarcAngel says:

      People have different opinions about what might constitute pressure. Some may see none while others may see repeated pleas of “come on everyone” ” as almost Televangelical behaviour and annoying. If someone is going to give they only need a reminder or a suggestion such as Fiddleress made to make things less complicated and automatic. The rest will not give no matter what you put out. Repeated pleas inducing guilt or in your face soliciting for ANY charitable (not just here) can often have the opposite result – avoidance.

      I wholly support the AAF and do contribute, but there can be a fine line between the methods of canvassing as to what constitutes pressure.

      It’s the same with speaking to people here and suggesting products. People either have it in them to interact in the ways that have been discussed or not. When I welcome someone on the blog it’s spontaneous – I want them to know that I see them and recognize their contribution. I don’t do it because I accepted a role. When I suggest a product or article it is because either I have obtained it and can attest to it, or I think the person might want to look to see if it might be of benefit to them in their circumstance. Not as merely allegiance to HG. I shudder to think people might come across these discussions and think that to be the case – that we had a meeting.

      Look I’ll say it straight – part of my concern is that it will be put out there on other platforms that it’s all about money here. That we’re brainwashed and shilling for HG. We can’t deny that people have questioned, and that’s just those who have dared to.

      Majority rules. Well actually HG does. My advice is proceed but with caution.

      1. Truthseeker6157 says:

        NA, you make a good point here.

        I am enthusiastic for people to comment and join in because that’s what helped me so much. HG’s work AND the support of the other commenters here. With that comes a sense of belonging at a time when you largely feel alone.
        I also hate the thought of anyone out there, feeling desperate and alone, but unlike me who was fortunate to be able to buy the books, listen to packages such as the Addiction Package, is unable to, because she can’t quite afford it.
        For me the two things go hand in hand. The sense of community and camaraderie and the true desire to help each other either through emotional support or financial when we have a bit spare.

        I know you welcome people honestly and genuinely. I do too when I spot a new arrival, because someone also spotted me and tucked me under her wing, and that meant something to me. You know my intentions here, the thinking behind it, but you’re right, it could come across wrong to some who don’t know me as well as you. I recommend because certain material really increased my understanding in a giant leap, made me feel so much better. I recommend and signpost what worked for me. Others have different experiences and can do the same for the same reasons. I won’t promote material for promoting sake. I promote because I really just want us all to feel better. I leave honest reviews because they’re helpful and, not all are five star ha ha (most are). I was rallying the troops in this way. More eyes I suppose, more activity, more time for HG to write new material or answer the questions that we can’t. It’s enjoyable being a commenter here. It can be easy to get into our own conversations and maybe not notice newer arrivals, miss those tentative first comments.

        There are those that will say on other platforms that we are all brainwashed or it’s all about the money here. That’s up to them but you are right, it’s a sad fact that we do have to consider and be aware of this. Your point is valid NA. I hope new readers know, our intentions here are good, the raising of funds, our comments and thoughts genuine, with the aim that more and more people get the knowledge they need and get to experience and become a part of the community that is this blog.

      2. FYC says:

        Hello NA, I hope all is well with you and yours. I am just catching up here and noticed your concerns. From my perspective, everyone is entitled to speak their minds and their hearts here. If anyone is feeling pressured to give, I urge whomever that is not to give. The wisest advice I can offer anyone, whether it be for a charitable cause or for any other matter in life, is give freely or do not give. Never feel guilted into doing anything (this is a hallmark of manipulation). Make your decision based upon your own values.

        As for my part, HG has never requested or even suggested I take an action on his behalf. Every comment, every way in which I participate and contribute is of my own volition. Good luck to the poor soul who would try to direct me to do their bidding, they would be sorely disappointed. But I think we share that trait and simply execute it in a different fashion at times.

        Regarding reputation management, HG reveals his NPD/APD status across the blog. No deception there. His advice is plainly: Get Out Stay Out. If anyone feels uncomfortable here, they can take HG’s advice and GOSO, no hard feelings, no repercussions. HG offers advice for all at no cost that actually exposes manipulation techniques (versus employing them). When the AAF was receiving poor participation from the masses, HG stopped posting for the AAF, so as not to fatigue his regular donors who requested the fund in the first place along with a few others. In all honesty, these actions do not stack up to support cult-like manipulative behavior (but I do understand what you were concerned about with regard to petty comments elsewhere).

        To All: If I am wrong, and anyone feels undue pressure from the very small group of people commenting on this post who enthusiastically support the Angels for their own reasons, then please feel free to follow your own values and do as you see fit. Whether you give or not is entirely up to you. We value you either way.

        1. WhoCares says:

          FYC,

          “To All: If I am wrong, and anyone feels undue pressure from the very small group of people commenting on this post who enthusiastically support the Angels for their own reasons, then please feel free to follow your own values and do as you see fit. Whether you give or not is entirely up to you. We value you either way.”

          As someone who has both, at times, benefited (very thankfully) from the AAF and supported the AAF (within my means), I really appreciate your forthright comment.

          I know no one is actually pressured to contribute to the AAF and individuals absolutely need to make their own judgement about their involvement. However,
          I will speak to something that I am aware of, because of my own personality and upbringing, and because, possibly, there are others who deal with similar issues.

          It was interesting to me, in this thread, to observe my own response to some posts. I can only contribute modest amounts to the AAF, and do so only sporadically. (I am personally fine with this and can deal with my own issues of wanting to contribute more but not being able to – and no one is pressuring me to do so.)
          I actually had a much more significant reaction to the suggestions that regular commenters should actively reach out, welcome and aid newcomers to the blog – not because I am opposed to this – but specifically because I believe in that and know how much it can matter to someone who is new here and who has suddenly found other people who grasp what they have been going through or that they reached the realization that they are with a narcissist and that they are not crazy or losing their mind – it is so very validating to have that experience.

          But part of my problem (and I have had to back off from blog involvement due to this) is that I have to be careful because I can feel so committed to following through on conversations here, especially if I have reached out to someone new that I can start to ignore the fact that this may begin to impact my personal life and while I appreciate the support I had, in the beginning of being on the blog (and still currently have), I have to constantly weigh my involvement here with my real life commitments.

          That is due, in part, to my empathic make up and also being raised by a narcissist and having a deeply ingrained belief that if someone helps you, offers you something etc., that you are obligated to return that favour. It doesn’t matter (for me) if the person on the other side of that transaction is a non-narcissist and actually, truly has no expectations that payback be met – it is in my own head – but I struggle with it all the time.

          This is why you won’t find me specifically commiting to much in KHG etc., because I know that I cannot necessarily make and keep those promises – and if I do offer commitment and then I fall through – I deal with a lot of internal guilt. It is something I am aware of, and intellectually, I know I am not “guilty” but the emotional piece is still there for me.

          Sorry, if this is a little off topic but I just wanted to point out that I give of my time, etc.,.when I can but I also know my own weaknesses and tendencies, so I have to do so with discretion. This is why, in my opinion, I like the blog specifically because it is here (and I am speaking mostly of the comments section) if people need it and the level of one’s involvement is flexible, and there is a fluid ‘give and take’ dynamic where someone may be in a more needy place (and we’ve all been there) or high in emotional thinking and others are in a place to give more because they are in a more stable position, emotionally or otherwise.

          1. Kristin says:

            Whocares,
            Very well said and I can relate to so much of what you wrote. I tend to be all or none and think I sometimes continue conversations on the blog when the other person is done. I suppose I don’t know when to stop and personally feel hurt when people do not respond to my texts for example in everyday life so I keep going 😅. This site is loaded with empaths and it provides the ideal place to share the effects of narcissism and other abuse.
            “But part of my problem (and I have had to back off from blog involvement due to this) is that I have to be careful because I can feel so committed to following through on conversations here, especially if I have reached out to someone new that I can start to ignore the fact that this may begin to impact my personal life and while I appreciate the support I had, in the beginning of being on the blog (and still currently have), I have to constantly weigh my involvement here with my real life commitments.”
            I do not see this a problem or a weakness but as validation of how well you understand your empathetic traits among other things. This is a strength!
            “It doesn’t matter (for me) if the person on the other side of that transaction is a non-narcissist and actually, truly has no expectations that payback be met – it is in my own head – but I struggle with it all the time.”
            Once again, not a weakness but evidence of your kind heart. You are aware of what is engrained in you and what is so much a part of our empath makeup. 💕
            I always enjoy your posts Whocares. You were one of the sweet angels that welcomed me and helped so much when I was a complete mess, I will always remember that. I hope you are doing well!

          2. FYC says:

            Hello WC, Thank you for candidly sharing your experience. I understand your reflexive struggle and concerns. I know well how toxic narcissistic expectations can be. When feeling unduly compelled to do anything, I would suggest taking a step back to gain clarity before moving forward. Always honor yourself and your values. This will keep you safe and allow your LT to rein in your ET. This is a critical skill to practice. As an empath, our depth of empathy can lead us to give too much, go too far, and over-extending ourselves to a point of exhaustion. That feeling that you get when you are giving too much is a strong indicator to stop. There is nothing wrong or selfish with being wise and clear about your values, beliefs and goals and remaining true to the same. In fact it is healthy to do so.

            As for feeling compelled or obliged to return in equal measure, something given to you (regardless of what that may be), this is a fallacy. The very essence of a true gift is that it is freely given. When people place expectations on a gift (of time, care, money, whatever) it is no longer a gift, it is a quid pro quo. Sometimes a quid pro quo can be a win-win, but if both parties are not, of equal measure, agreed to the transaction, it becomes a win-lose. Narcissists are highly transactional. Many of us, like you and I were raised in that environment. It is very important when entering any transaction that both parties be satisfied, otherwise a host of negative feelings will follow.

            I have not always been in a position to give. When this was the case, I felt disheartened because I wanted to have the agency to execute my will (give as I desired). But there is an important lesson in being in this position: Our hearts and spirits are a true gift. When we show up, when we care, when we reach out, when we listen, when we love — we are the gift. This is true whether or not we are able to give financially or otherwise. Everyone is important and has much to offer just by showing up.

            When we receive gifts (or efforts) from others, accept them with joy and gratitude, but not guilt or shame — this does not honor anyone. Always remember the giver is as blessed as the recipient. The circle is already complete. So give freely and accept with joy and appreciation, just as any true gift is intended.

        2. NarcAngel says:

          Hi FYC

          I could respond to your points individually, but to be honest, there seems a determination by “the very small group of people who enthusiastically support the AAF” to believe that speaking your heart and mind with ANY concern amongst the enthusiasm amounts opposing the AAF. That is simply untrue and unfair.

          I will repeat again for those who seem to keep missing it:
          I wholly support the AAF (and the blog in general) with my time and my money and always have. I think the idea of recurring payment is a good idea and option and I hope it garners much success. Forced contribution through increased price in purchase? not so much.

          I also know that this is not the first drive for the AAF and as HG has pointed out – it has always been the same people who contribute and others fail to heed the call before it falls off again. I thought we might investigate why that is if we are all empaths and feel the same because we cannot deny the previous poor participation. Thus I gave input that can either be considered or discarded if it is felt that there are not enough in number who share those concerns (or others unvoiced) that may be preventing the floodgates from opening to regular and increased contribution.

          I continue to support the AAF, and I dare anyone to say that I have not supported this blog with both my money and my time so that others will continue to benefit despite their opinion of me and/or the contributions I make, which I might also point out that people feel quite free to address when THEY have concerns about what I contribute.

          That is my heart and mind.

          I wish the new campaign much success.

          1. Truthseeker6157 says:

            Hey NA,

            I didn’t take it like that, just so you know. I do get what your concerns are and why. I have been looking at other blogs of late and HG and his readers do come up against unfounded criticism of the type you suggest. I went into bat on one blog the other day in all our defence so I understand your concerns, I do.

            There’s no doubt in my mind about your support of AAF and the blog. Seeing your avatar pop up on the right hand side of the page always encourages me, your personal comments have woken me up to myself on more than one occasion and your support of others is demonstrable.

            I can get very enthusiastic and perhaps bang the drum a little loudly at times but I haven’t interpreted your comments as negative in any way at all. Just realistic and sensible in terms of establishing what encouraged or dissuaded readers from commenting. I think others recognise the validity of your questions too. X

          2. FYC says:

            Dear NA, I know you are a fantastic supporter of the angels, and I respect your dedication to remaining here and helping others. I’m fairly certain your support pre-dates the AAF. Please do not take my comment negatively. I value you. I was merely stating my feelings and thoughts on the matter. I appreciate your concern and you voicing your opinions. As for me, I am not in favor of subscriptions. My budget operates differently. However, a great majority of donors of all charities prefer subscriptions, and their given charity benefits accordingly. I trust that like myself, everyone will make the best call for their own budget — should they wish to give at all. Please do continue to voice your support and your concerns, NA. You are always appreciated.

  7. Fieke says:

    I donated a modest amount since being a “single stay at home mom with a special needs child” I have to watch my budget. I am using a different e-mail address HG for purchases donations etc. I want to remain anonymous in this group to be able to speak frankly.

  8. NarcAngel says:

    With regard to interaction and in an effort to understand the readership a little better (and with HG’s permission of course), I would invite commenters (especially newer commenters) to offer briefly what it was that encouraged them to come out of the shadows where they were reading and to interact. Someone recently used the words “mustered the courage” (I know who it is but did not want to put them on the spot). If we understand better the reasons it might go a long way to identifying where more/best efforts are best placed and if indeed any are required.

    HG
    I was initially going to see what you thought about a poll, which would make it anonymous as well, but if you think either idea is of little help then please just delete this comment. Thank you.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Let us see if commenters respond to your question NA and a poll can be organised thereafter if people wish to remain doubly anonymous if you get my drift.

      1. NarcAngel says:

        HG
        Haha, yes. I just thought some might rather click on a button on a poll for:

        A. I thought NA might respond negatively to one of my comments.

        Rather than leave an actual comment with their user name.
        If you get my drift.

        1. Renarde says:

          NA

          No. I do not get your ‘drift’

          Speak plainly, please.

          1. NarcAngel says:

            I do not answer to you Renarde and will speak in the manner of my choosing.

          2. Renarde says:

            NA

            Tetchy! Watch those Agent Provocateurs!

            I even said please!

        2. Fiddleress says:

          NA
          I have just commented on the kindness I saw in readers’ comments to each other. I am glad I did not come across your reply to Renarde then (“I do not answer to you Renarde and will speak in the manner of my choosing”), or I would have hesitated to comment.

          I also do not get your drift, and you are posting for everyone to read. I personally do not care much what that drift is, but I do not get the point of this tone in your reply.
          Renarde may not need anyone to second what she says, just as you do not need that either, but I could not remain silent.

          1. StrongerWendy says:

            Well said, Fiddleress.

          2. Fieke says:

            Agree Fiddleress. NA I was planning on leaving less reactions, because I dove in to impulsively, and want to learn more (before asking HG so many questions about stuff, and later finding out he answers them all somewhere in his materials). But this one scared me also. I interpreted Renarde as just asking you to speak a little more understandable. As I didn’t understand it either. But maybe that is just a second language thing.

          3. NarcAngel says:

            Fiddleress

            It’s quite simple really. If you look at HG’s comment to ME above my “drift” comment you will see that he ended it with “if you get my drift”. I responded to HIM in a joking manner (note my reply begins with haha) and ended it with the same words quite certain that he would understand it as such (merely humour) and take no offence.

            It’s funny to say that you didn’t get the point of my tone to Renarde and felt you needed to address it. That is precisely what I did. I did not care for Renarde’s tone. It sounded to me (despite the please) that she was demanding that I speak in a way that please her when my comment was actually directed to HG. So I did not remain silent and addressed it just as you have. That you found tone in my comment but not hers is interesting but to be honest – unsurprising.

            Also, I note that when HG ended his comment to me with “if you get my drift” no one demanded that he speak plainly or addressed it.

            In summary:
            HG and I both used the same language. That he used it was NOT addressed. That I used it WAS addressed.
            I did not like Renarde’s tone and addressed it.
            You did not like my tone and addressed it.

            No need to be silent. Is there anything else you’d like to address?

          4. HG Tudor says:

            Fair comment.

          5. NarcAngel says:

            A lot of people (newer commenters especially) might not understand it because they haven’t witnessed all previous interaction between us.

            Recently for instance Ren commented that I had something coming (an unfavourable view of me from her) “for a king king fine” and also that I “get half on her tits” at times.

            Now those sayings are not common to me, but I did not comment that she should “speak plainly” which sounded a commanding insult to me (but not to some apparently). I just recognized those as her language and that she was not pleased. I answered her quite politely all the same. I took “speak plainly please” instead of “could you clarify” or “I don’t understand what you mean” this time as her directing me to speak in a manner she would approve of (based on previous interaction) and shut it down by asserting that I will speak as I choose and I stand by that.

            But here I am explaining myself all the same so that others might know that they do not always know the background and might extend the benefit of the doubt to others as well.

            I assumed she was being haughty. Many assumed I was being a bitch for no reason. We have all assumed.

          6. Whitney says:

            I interpreted “speak plainly, please” as implying that NA thinks she’s better than others, which was a previous accusation in a different thread.

            It was an odd command haha!

            NA I get your drift. Anyway the reason I first commented was either to worship HG for saving my life with the Narc Detector, or to fulfil my addiction by talking about the Narcissist.

        3. Another Cat says:

          Very good question NA.

          Myself I lurked on Narcsite for two years before interacting. HG himself had very little to do with my shyness. Felt a bitsy not-enough when I saw all high quality essay comments. I read and read, but sort of didn’t want to risk ruining the total air of this comments field.

          Silly of me, I know, but maybe several quiet readers feel this way. Even some native speakers. You are a quality group. Entering here took collecting of thoughts and some preparations.

          1. Truthseeker6157 says:

            Hey Another Cat x

            That’s a really honest observation. I’m glad you shared it. I know what you mean, this is a bright group of readers. The educational style and quality of both material and others’ comments does make me consider my comments too. I certainly don’t just type and send. Unless it’s us letting our hair down and playing around.

            One summer when I was a student, I worked in telesales They recruit people with mild accents. It gives personality during a call. Something that differentiates if you like. There is of course a place for perfect English. It’s a good thing that we consider our comments, but different writing styles add accents to each comment. The most important thing is that we write and express ourselves our own way and in our own style, because, that’s what is most interesting. To over correct ourselves and worry about perfect grammar would detract from what we are trying to express.

            That’s a good point Another Cat, and, I’m glad you commented in the end. 🙂

          2. JB says:

            Not silly at all, Another Cat. I’m glad you took the plunge and commented. Your experience and views are just as valid, irrespective of the words you use x

          3. Another Cat says:

            Thank you, JB for validation.
            Actually I kinda like it this way. There is a level here, thoughtful, fun, intelligently phrased comments. People explaining themselves, making things clear, but also warm and sensitive. Don’t think I’ve encountered any place like this one in other forums.

          4. NarcAngel says:

            AC
            I’m glad you took the leap and wish others would come forward as well. We miss out on so much when people feel that way. We are from all walks of life, education, and experiences but we all have one thing in common and that usually comes across just fine. Our styles may be different but we all have something to offer. So many people have apologized other the years for their comments due to English not being their first language when I would never have guessed that. I’ve stated previously that it’s a wonder some of us can express our thoughts at all, especially when newly arrived and considering what has been experienced.
            We do have a tendency to correct a misspelled word and apologize for typos a lot (I think unnecessarily) and I hope that doesn’t add to the hesitation you speak of in having to be perfect to contribute. That is just a self-imposed habit but certainly not meant to convey that perfection is required (or else I would have been run off the blog my first week haha).

            Thank you for your honesty and confirmation (and everyone else who responded as well). I wonder often what other barriers there might be or even what positive things have propelled people to initially engage and thus my question. If we can identify these things my hope is that we can address them and hear from more people.

          5. Another Cat says:

            Thank you so much Truthseeker.

            I like the quality level here, and that we launch very few oneliners and twoliners. Except for fun times, when we let our hair down, as you say.

            I have occasionally read longer comments by midrange narcissists on Facebook and Twitter, I do admit, but those are very rare. And more aggressive/. Usually I find it’s the empaths (and some normals) achieving longer balanced comments. I feel “safe” when I see them.

          6. WhoCares says:

            “I wonder often what other barriers there might be or even what positive things have propelled people to initially engage and thus my question. If we can identify these things my hope is that we can address them and hear from more people.”

            It was the level of intelligent discussion that both drew me in and deterred me from commenting, initially.
            There was (at the time) also the sense that there was an ‘in group’ because of the jokes, camaraderie, and easy way that people interacted with each other since there was a rapport that was already developed. I don’t know if the sense of an ‘in group’ was a misconception of mine back then, but it was a perceived barrier that kept me from feeling free to just ‘jump’ into conversation.
            Part of what was at play was my own personal fear of looking like an idiot, given the level of discussion, so I read a lot to understand my ex better, to understand narcissism and to understand the individual commenters better before attempting to contribute or before I felt safe enough to share my opinion.

          7. Another Cat says:

            Thank you again NarcAngel.

            There is one type of preparation I do like about you and other Narcsite commenters. It has not much to do with education, spelling and being a native English speaker.

            It is context. Often I have almost commented before reading through HG’s blog article, or reading a bit in the thread to get an idea of context of the conversation. I sometimes confuse one commenter with another. A bit trigger happy with my keyboard!

            This kind of planning before commenting I find important.

          8. JB says:

            Another Cat, I know what you mean. It’s unique here!

      2. StrongerWendy says:

        HG, re: 1 percent of readers comment. Is that 1% of those who subscribe to the blog or is it derived from a different number?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Approximately 1% of those who visit the blog each day, it does not include comments on pother platforms.

          1. StrongerWendy says:

            visits per day = ‘logic hits’ per day?

          2. Renarde says:

            Hg

            That is a frighteningly low number.

          3. HG Tudor says:

            You mean percentage. Why is it frightening? It is not necessary to comment to achieve freedom.

          4. Renarde says:

            Hg

            I was more really thinking about those that donate.

    2. Truthseeker6157 says:

      That’s a really good idea NA.

      I’m just six months in, I commented straight off the bat, (obviously, ha ha) can’t remember the first, probably a question. I do remember K and HG both responding straight away. I was surprised at the speed of response, was impressed that the author of the site bothered to answer me directly, and was touched by K taking me under her wing. I joined in next with the silly banter about the dungeon and Celine Dion. It was the first time I had laughed in a while.

      1. Asp Emp says:

        6 MONTHS!? You come across as a ‘seasoned’ member. Wow, you’ve impressed me 🙂

        1. Truthseeker6157 says:

          Amp, that’s a really kind thing to say. Thank you.

          My ensnarement wasn’t physical as such, so, by rights I should recover quicker. I devour the material HG provides because I realised each thing I read made me feel better. Then there was the empathic side and understanding how I’m put together helped even more.

          I read stories here that astound me. Strength in others that I have never seen before. I also see others, new to the blog, and feel their heartbreak and confusion and I can’t stand to see that. Not when I can do something about it. So, I decided I would get well, learn as fast as I could and I would try to help. Like ‘the old school‘, here I will stay and I’ll help by passing on what I’ve learned, knowing how I felt at the start and which specific bulletins / packages reached me when I was at my worst.

          I’m not weaponised yet. I briefly looked at that and know what I am supposed to say in the consult, but can’t honestly say it quite yet. There are things still to work through. There’s an addiction and that won’t go but I will manage it. I have lots of good days, but I can dip down fast, very fast, I’ve come through a dip quite recently. So still a work in progress, and still very much supported by HG and the other amazing empaths here. I can help now though, the knowledge is largely there and I’m determined to use it.

          1. Asp Emp says:

            What you say about your ensnarement not being physical and “should recover quicker” – interesting because the emotional bond was the worse part for me followed by the mental. The physical, LOL, I told him ‘no more’ and I stuck by that out of respect for myself (it’s now nearly 5 years) and I’d not realised that intimacy is not really on the ‘agenda’ for some narcissists after a while – so the learning about ‘fuel’ has made me understand more about the MRN. I can’t forgive him but it’s not consuming me either.

            I’d also been reflecting on my ‘supanovas’ and the first one I recall everything about it – was initiated by ‘Mother’, and that one was different to the ones I had with the Lesser and the MRN (there was another guy, I am quite confident he was also an MRN). With the last MRN it was more emotive and he was different, probably because he is a Victim type. ‘Mother’ and the last MRN actually caused me to be in a very dangerous place where I was not even mentally conscious of it and I’ve not talked about it freely on here. Some would understand, others wouldn’t. Yet I can describe it – now that I understand / know a lot more about myself. That is why I told myself – never again.

            I understand what you say about your ‘addiction’, it takes time and knowledge to work through – it varies and I think it depends on the ‘strength’ of the bond. I didn’t think that I would recover and in some way, a strange way, I seem to have an idea about the ‘creature’ analogy – maybe in some way, it can be likened to our ’emotional bond’ (the deepest part of ourselves). Yet the ‘creature’ and that emotional bond are different and I would say it has nothing to do with empathy – that’s my view anyhow.

            I’m glad to be able to leave ‘parts’ of myself on this blog – as if to pack into a number of closed ‘boxes’ of the ‘crap’ and leave them into the ‘forever’ storage of the internet rather than be forced to keep it in my mind. I woke up this morning feeling strangely quiet & calm.

            I hope your ‘dips’ will go sooner than later – it’s not easy when they happen and it’s also difficult to reach out when it’s happening, so you tend to go ‘quiet’ as you go through the ‘dip’. That ’emotional’ dip is our ‘creature’ – maybe that’s the one thing that needs to be understood more by the “health professionals”. I’d better end this here before I use up all the internet’s universe. Thank you for your support X

          2. Truthseeker6157 says:

            Hey Asp,

            I totally agree with you. The emotional bond is the toughest to break. The intimacy part as you recount it, does not sound surprising given that withdrawal of intimacy would be used as a means for control.
            In my context, the physical was meant in the way of physical presence. Yes I spent a few weekends with the narc but other than those, interactions were online. He wasn’t physically present, not living with me, no kids together, not given access to my friends or family. In this sense his influence was more limited. His ever presence reduced. He ensured ever presence in my head through other means, future faking, threatened loss, bombardment of messages and time spent etc, but I don’t have his physical presence in my life to contend with like most do here. Technically it should be easier for me to recover in this sense.
            Similarly, yes I was addicted to him. But, my addiction is to all narcissists and as I move forward, by understanding myself better, my triggers and weak spots, my cadre elements, my narcissistic traits and how those can be used against me, I can further protect myself from additional narcissistic manipulation.

            The dips, more often than not a trigger, followed by me thinking about the narc, followed by me dwelling on conversations had, followed by a rapid decline. It’s that fast. My solution is to think bigger than the narc himself. The ensnarement brought me here, opened my eyes to a cause far greater than him or me. Focussing on the positives of that causes me to pull up out of the dips. The dips will happen, I aim to be better prepared for when they do.

            I have never gone Supernova like you. I’d be interested to hear more of your thoughts on that, only when you are ready to share them. It’s possible I’ve never been cornered in the same way so never needed to activate that kind of defence, it’s possible I have in some respects and not recognised it as Supernova. It’s something I do ponder occasionally.

            I see your thinking about the creature, or ‘a’ creature. I think we all have one in some form just not to the extent of, or constructed from, the same material as the narcissistic creature. Empaths are more accepting of their ‘weaknesses’ the narcissist appears to cage his, keep them down out of sight and out of mind. I’m entering into uncertain territory here now though, my opinion rather than fact.
            You always raise interesting questions and ideas Asp Emp, I really enjoy reading your thoughts x

          3. Asp Emp says:

            So, I did ‘good’ then by withdrawing the intimacy. He was fking others anyway, so why include me in the possibility of STDs and all that? I can’t have kids – health determined that even if I chose not to have any 20 years before the medical procedure was finally done (I asked, but was told “too young” until health forced it – great, I’m happy about that, so am free of any “burdens” – sounds awful but that’s me).

            I get it – about the emotional bond. I dunno, I understand myself now – I don’t wish to make someone look into their past and work out what makes them ‘tick’. I know some of HG’s articles cause ‘triggers’ but he cannot help that but he is providing everything to permit individuals to read for themselves and maybe ‘face’ their own demons to an extent and try to work a way through their own past to understand why they are going through what they are at present. The past is paramount to a part of the ‘understanding and acknowledgement of yourself as a person’ journey. I am not saying to accept the past, nor the damage inflicted. KTN is about you. Accepting and finding about you. Not necessarily the narcissist that brought you here. You don’t need to think ‘bigger than the narc’ in your life. It’s about you. Not him. Ok, at first, it was a ‘shock’ for me when I found my way here but I was confounded with too much horse and cow shit to understand myself – but I think I have finally reached “myself”. It’s great. Yet, I know, ‘triggers’ can open the ET and fk up the LT levels yet somehow for around 2 to 3 weeks it’s been different. It’s been maintaining the same ‘levels’ and yet I may be still in a ‘fk you’ mode – it’s part of purging.

            The supanovas? Ah, fk. You have no idea! I suppose in some way, like a narcissist needs to release their ‘fury’, I have my own “need” to release the horse & cow shit that they imposed on me – it was their shit – not mine. Ah, bless. The supanova is certainly an apocalypse moment and I reckon that last MRN was that shocked about it – I still reckon he should have been present in the room when it happened – he would not have been the same afterwards. I ranted for hours. Hours! Not minutes. Hours. He deserved it. Like I said, it was his shit, not mine. It was not defence. It was full blown anger and rage. If a narcissist can do it, so can I. Seriously though, nothing or anyone can stop it from erupting once it has started – in my case anyway. When it happens, my mind is not rational in the sense of the word – it’s my in deep, pure and unadulterated – it probably is worse than a Lesser’s mini volcano temper tantrum, less than a MRN’s. I cannot say for sure in comparison to the Greater. Only HG can answer that. There is nothing like an empath’s supanova in the world of Lessers and MRNs. It is blind and uncontrollable rage. I don’t smash up the house. Don’t hit people. Don’t hit myself. It’s all verbal. Verbal insults, massive fk you’s. Shouting it. It’s even worse when you cannot verbally do it, if using text messages is the only method of contact. I don’t know how to provide a comparison, apart from volcanos ie Mount St Helens – the eruption followed by the lava flowing – yeah, I think that’s probably the nearest I can describe it – no animal apart from a human is capable. However, it was only narcissists that provoked and resulted in mine. The Lesser was fk shit scared, hiding in the corner of a room, in the dark. LOL. Fkg rubber chicken. Maybe I will never have another, in my lifetime. Ponder no more Truthseeker, either you have them or you don’t.

            RE: The ‘creature’. I get it now. After I obtained the file to understand it. It made sense. Read my comment on ‘The Creature’.

            Enter no more “uncertain territory”. Do not fear. At all. You are you. I am me (I am really a nice person, very understanding, despite my aspergers and my being an empath via DNA from my grandmother). HG is is HG. We are all unique. We are all individuals.

            Thank you for your words RE: my questions and ideas. I appreciate yours too. Keep strong. You’ll find your way, give it time. You will get there. XX

      2. K says:

        Thank you for your kind sentiments Truthseeker6157!
        That was a funny thread. The thread is below and I pasted it onto an earlier as well.

        The first time I emailed HG, I thought he would ignore me but he responded; I was happily surprised/shocked. I am very happy that you found your way here and joined in with the silly banter. There are a lot of laughs on narcsite and that gets us through the difficult moments. All the cool cats are on narcsite.

        https://narcsite.com/2020/05/03/i-second-that-emotion-11/

        1. Truthseeker6157 says:

          K, I’m going to keep that thread. I got quite sentimental when I read it. Thank you so much for looking it up and posting. You are quite something else the way you do that! Me too, I love it here, running with the cool cats ha ha. Xx

          1. K says:

            My pleasure Truthseeker6157
            It’s like a trip down memory lane. Hahahahaha…running with the cool cats is the only way to go!

            If you ever want to look the thread up, just Google: narcsite Truthseeker6157 Dungeon K spanked.

      3. lickemtomorrow says:

        Same, TS. Jumped in with both feet and actually was a little overwhelmed by HG in the beginning and the fact he was responding to me. I was tentative in what I had to say with regards to responding to him at times, but have relaxed quite a bit since then. A lot of that has to do with the sense of camaraderie here, and also the fact HG makes himself approachable, inviting our questions and giving us the answers we need. I have a number of ‘settings’ I operate on here on the blog and much depends on the articles and sometimes the responses to them. Ultimately that means I have embraced the site and feel free to express myself here. It’s so cathartic and at the same time presents challenges I know I have to meet. So, the site also operates in many ways, or in many different settings, in order to bring us to the place we need to be – free from the narcissist.

        And there are all manner and flavour of people here, the beauty being we all have narcissism as our focus. We’ve all been impacted and we all have something to contribute.

        1. JB says:

          I didn’t comment straight away, I read for about 10 months before writing anything. Lots of reasons for this, really. For a while (and this is still the case, to an extent) I found it hard to accept advice from someone who is no reformed character, but by their own admission still goes out and does the horrendous things detailed in his posts. But (and I hate to think in these terms), to quote the narcissist I was involved with, it’s a ‘transaction’ of sorts, in that we are both getting something out of it. Hate how clinical that sounds!

          Can I ask, LET (if it’s not too personal), why did you feel overwhelmed about HG responding to you?

          1. lickemtomorrow says:

            Well, first of all let me say I’m glad you decided to join in and comment here. I’ve enjoyed your input and responding to it as well. Like I said, everyone has something to contribute and you helped to draw out the issue of shame which can be a big one.

            In terms of feeling ‘overwhelmed’ I could probably put that into a number of categories:

            1/ I had previously listened to some of HGs YouTube videos and understood from those that he was a narcissist and, on further listening/reading, that he was a narcissistic/psychopath. This was/is a totally alien concept to me as further reading has proven. I cannot understand/comprehend someone who has no empathy, no conscience, no sense or remorse or regret. Especially when reading his revealing posts and stories. So, there is a fascination in terms of what HG is and how he describes himself. I would never expect to be in the presence of someone who openly admits such a thing and puts out there for all the world to see.

            2/ His writing moves me. I’m incredibly moved by many of the things HG writes, and says in some of his recordings. I never expected to be moved that way by someone who claims to have no emotional empathy. I’ve felt very connected to him for this reason and I have a tendency to shy away from this strength of connection because it can spell ‘danger’ for me. A resistance if you will and a need for caution.

            3/ I recognize he has a powerful personality and his charm is part of that. Once again, a danger signal to me in some respects because I am vulnerable to that.

            4/ I have referred to HG as ‘my narcissist’ because he embodies the totality of my life experience, having a narcissistic parent, ex-husband, and lover behind me now. He is, in a way, my nemesis, and by his own accounting the ‘Ultra’ nemesis. This means he holds many answers in regard to both those who have impacted my life and myself as well. The lends me to being in awe of him in some respects. It’s like he has a key that unlocks so many aspects of my life and I am in awe of the fact he has been able to utilize that key to help me make sense of my life.

            5/ HG is very intelligent and his awareness around his narcissism amazes me.

            Those are some of the reasons I can give for feeling overwhelmed by HG, and the opportunity he has created for us to interact with him here.

            At the same time, I have a certain level of grounding which allows me to embrace all these things. While I may feel overwhelmed, I do not let myself become overwhelmed. And recognize that I have something to offer as well.

        2. JB says:

          LET, thank you, and thank you for your input too. You have no idea how much you have helped me, especially around the issue of shame. I am extremely grateful to you x

          Thank you for answering so openly about the overwhelmed feeling. By rights, I should feel the same, for all the reasons you have mentioned. Strangely, though, I don’t. There is a bizarre feeling of familiarity there for me, like I already know HG. I think some of it is purely to do with the fact that the behaviours detailed are similar/identical to what we have experienced with our narcissists, and some of it is the fact that he has such insight into how people think, and so, through that feeling of ‘it’s like he read my mind’, it feels familiar. Which, as you rightly say, is dangerous, as that’s exactly what got many of us into this mess in the first place! It’s a complete headfuck as I attempt to grapple with the bizarreness of trusting the advice of someone who, by their very labelling (and admission to this effect), cannot be trusted, yet at the same time is the person who has (without even knowing me or my life situation) made sense of everything that has ever happened to me. Like you said, it’s an ‘unlocking’ of sorts..

          1. lickemtomorrow says:

            Great way to hit a nail on the head, JB! And I agree. There is a familiarity, which probably goes to the comment I made about HG being ‘my narcissist’, along with the ability he has to provide the key which will unlock up to now mysterious elements of our lives. As you say, someone who doesn’t know us, and we don’t know him, yet is capable of knowing us and is allowing us to know him. And better still showing us how to turn those elements of our life around for the better.

            I think you’ve expressed it really well in terms of your experience, the sense of familiarity and also the bizarreness in some ways of the situation. It took me a little while to come to terms with that. And when I posited the notion of ‘danger’ it is more around the awareness of my own vulnerabilities and nothing to do with HG himself. I think you read it right when you said ‘what got us into this mess in the first place’.

            And that is what HG is trying to help us avoid the next time round.

            I’m so glad I was able to help you, too x We help eachother, JB <3

        3. Truthseeker6157 says:

          Hey LET,

          I missed this first time round. I wanted to read the thread from start to finish today, lots of different voices here and I wanted to make sure I understood everyone’s thinking.
          I like the way you talk about the various settings dependent on articles and comments. I know exactly what you mean by that. It ties in to the EDC too. For me, now that I understand the various elements that make me, cadre particularly I’m starting to recognise the different elements light up on different threads or in response to different comments. I’m starting to understand what activates each element and I’m starting to recognise the same in others. Yes, the different settings here are really interesting and touching to see. I’m starting to really feel comfortable in my own skin and starting to see the immense value of being empathic and more importantly being surrounded by other empaths. If I hadn’t landed here, I don’t think I would ever have worked that out for myself. Insightful comment LET x

          1. lickemtomorrow says:

            Ha, TS, I’m glad somebody ‘gets it’ and that I’m not the only one to find myself reacting from different perspectives as I read and learn. I guess that’s what I meant by settings, and I like the way you describe it as ‘lighting up’. We will be moved in different ways at different times as we move between different elements of our empathy and experiences. We really do sound like ‘appliances’ now, don’t we?
            Talking about settings and lighting up 😛

            Appreciate your feedback, TS, and there is many a thing many of us wouldn’t have worked out if we hadn’t landed here and found HG as well as eachother x

          2. Truthseeker6157 says:

            Gawd, never thought of that LET. Appliances! Going to go and rebel now, just after I put the washing on!! Xx

      4. Summer says:

        We found narcsite about the same time Truthseeker 😊 prior to this my knowledge of Narcissists was thinking the word meant a little white fragrant flower sold in bulb form around the holidays. Hugs to you!!

        1. Truthseeker6157 says:

          Summer,

          My knowledge level was about the same as that too when I first arrived!
          I knew a little about empaths, much was airy fairy or romanticised. What a difference it makes when we are provided with accurate information.
          Hugs right back to you !

      5. alexissmith2016 says:

        NA, when I found narcsite, shortly after it was founded, I was already a couple of years or so post NC. So I was not hesitant in commenting.

        However when I first commented on another forum pre the existence of narcsite (I would no longer look anywhere else for information. on the rare occasions I have, I have found it to be inaccurate and misleading), I was hesitant in commenting, although I still did. I was concerned my N would read my comments and know it was me. I can only offer assurance to others that this is so remotely unlikely, that your N would be looking in the first place, that it would be close to impossible this would happen. At the time, I requested all my comments be deleted from this other site, and they were. Now, not only do I realise it is highly unlikely, unless you were actually to inform the N you were involved with that you commented here or even frequented the site, but also, I could no longer give a shit at all whether he did or did not or whether he was fuelled or he was not. I wouldn’t even waste my time thinking about it. Well apart from now hahaha because the question was asked.

        But I do clearly remember how cautious I used to be about what I wrote and understand this could well be preventing others from joining in on the posts, which is a real shame. I personally would not need this, but perhaps there could be a separate forum for those who have taken the empath detector where they can speak freely with others they know only to be empaths?

      6. Violetta says:

        I think I’ve been posting a little over a year. I had lurked for several months before that. I’m not sure why I started posting, but I think it wasn’t just one thing. Maybe it was the realization that there were so many different issues people were having that had only Narcissism as the common thread. A lot of the literature I had looked at dealt primarily with romantic relationships, but no one was talking about the things I’d seen at school when I was growing up, the things I’ve seen in the workplace, the political situation.

        Again and again, I’ve seen people do the same things even though they keep getting the same bad results. It never made sense until I understood that with some people, fuel is more important than saving a relationship, fuel is more important than making a profit or keeping a job, fuel is more important than gaining or staying in public office–or avoiding prison.

    3. Asp Emp says:

      Love your suggestion – great idea, wonder if another slant on your suggestion could work – if HG would consider using NA’s words as above and use it as an article (just like Fiddleress’s comment that led to you posting The Angel Assistance Fund article?). Why on earth would this comment be deleted?

    4. Fieke says:

      Hi NA, new reader her. I am shamefully to admit a DLS IPSS! (And a NIPSS and a NITS and a.. whatever.. everything?? ) And sick of it! Not even that I want more! I just want out. I am started out as a IPSS, but got devalued to DLS I think, and not feeling happy at all for a long time. I met the IPPS and I just loved her and she me, so that triangulation didn’t go as plan. We wanted to become friends a than I was compartmentalised.
      I felt so guilty. I wanted to tell her.

      She must be the most amazing beautiful and smart funny woman on earth. That he could do that to her.. than I knew he was a little disordered personality. She and I were so the same, same body build, same hair colour, same hight, same university, so weird, she actually being so awesome.
      Although I got painted a very different picture of course first.

      There is more to it of course, there always is, but these are the cold facts. I started out being a member of a Facebook group ( narcissistic abuse) and there someone shared HG Tudor. I have been finally able to understand so much.

      I actually also have been a IPPS 10 years ago. The worse experienced ever. What a self inflated big baby with cruel manners. I was introduced to “high society” army dad (also so difficult) was a politician and got warned about him bij a former minister of government on his birthday. After that incident I got discarded really fast ( and he failed but tried to hoover me a few times afterwards) I think I am blessed with circumstances. I was undone when it happened. travelled te world after it happened. Meeting even more narc. I am so hypervigilant now.

      Now I am just reading and reading and reading HG books, articles, listening his you tube and feeling so excited like a have a new hobby lol. I start to see, I am seeing colours for the first time. Finally now these miserable memories finally started to click with me. There have been more Narcissist in my live, as IP quadruple source ;).. but that was also more than 10 years ago.

      But I am still an annoying empath because I really start to love HG and I am pestering him with a lot very long almost philosophical comments because I want to help him heal. lol 😉
      No not really, I know I can’t..

      But just wanting to understand, but there is some truth to it , of course. I am what I am..

      Waving to all, Fieke

      1. Fiddleress says:

        Here’s waving back to you, Fieke, and welcome!

      2. Z - zwartbolleke says:

        Hello Fieke, waving back to you (from Belgium! So I’m not English native speaker), welcome!

        1. Fieke says:

          We can speak Dutch together than! Dit is echt een goede blog, fijn om deze te vinden.
          Groetjes Fieke.

          1. autiempath says:

            Haha, nice.
            I also speak Dutch.

          2. Renarde says:

            Fieke

            A fluent ‘Oranger’. Good to see you and welcome!

          3. Z - zwartbolleke says:

            Yes Fieke, I saw right away we were the same language group! How did you find this site?

      3. NarcAngel says:

        Fieke

        So in summary, you arrived here due to someone sharing HG’s work on another platform. Proof of the importance of that simple act. Thank you and glad to have you here.

        1. Fieke says:

          Haha Yes, that is a very good summary, I am not a native English speaker also, I understood your question as an invitation to share my complete life story.. haha lol.

          1. autiempath says:

            Welcome Fieke, Iam happy you found this blog.
            Iam also not a native English speaker, so i can relate to that.

      4. FYC says:

        Fieke, Welcome to the blog! I am so happy you found HG. I know you’ll find what you’re seeking here. I’m sorry you have suffered so much. Your life will improve dramatically after you acquire the knowledge and insight HG has to offer and apply it in life. Thank you for sharing your story. If you need any recommendations on materials I know everyone will offer excellent advice. As for me, I strongly recommend HG’s core books to understand narcissists (Fuel, Fury, Sitting Target, Sex and the Narcissist), the NDC (to know what type narcissist you are dealing with), the EDC (to better know yourself) and the TDC (to know your self even more), and the Addiction series, because all empaths are addicted to narcissists and all narcissists are addicted to the fuel we provide. Wishing you the very best. You deserve far, far better that what you have experienced.

        1. Fieke says:

          Thank you so much FYC and everybody else that is reacting to me with so much kindness!

          I have purchased two books, within my country (red flags and fuel) and with the website also: sitting target, chained, pipelines, gilded and ghosted.
          And when HG met the narcissist. and two articles. I think I really starting to get it.

          I have to watch my budget. So the personal consultations have to wait a bit.

          Yes I have suffered but never realised how much. I always want to be strong, I had to, crying was a sign of weakness. So I must be strong always. But the fact is; it is both. Happiness and suffering.

          I am in a good place now, single many years, since my childbirth, I know my preferences and no narc is to touch my baby, so I stayed single till I can change my preferences, I am happy, secured, safe and also in therapy now and receiving EMDR for a PTSD.
          And keeping my narc lover at arms length. He did cross that singleton’s fase..There is no contact now, declining the hoovers for two months it is silent upon my request for a while, since I am doing soul searching ;).

          But yes..having been with so many narcs and narcissistic people and having them in the family, it is a bit much. And I feel drained!

          Beside me feeling so very guilty for that wonderful lovely wife of his, getting so bad that I just not want out, I want to rescue her also from a cheating husband too, ( how hypocritical of me! ) but I will leave that to themselves, being a DLS is indeed also an advantage, because we only use a certain ‘app’, that I can mute, there are no other option to communicate, since the family facade is very important.
          And the distance to far to drop by. And our babies can not find out, and mine is always with me. I really have to schedule him, and I just stopped. I am almost always painted white. Still am. But still it is not enough. Really starting to feel that longing for a true equal caring relationship. No mask has ever been able to offer that, so even painted white I was losing interest. But that is to be expected as a DLS after 4 years ( I say with complete disbelief of my own naïveté. )

          Thank you all so much!

          And a big virtual hug for HG! Being that big brother to teach me the truth about his own behaviour 😉 !!

          1. BC30 says:

            Welcome!

            “I am almost always painted white. Still am. But still it is not enough. ” Same Fieke, same.

            It was never enough. (Although, I’m probably not white post-escape. LOL)

          2. MommyPino says:

            Fieke, I’m so happy that you have made so much progress already. There are so many things we can learn here. My goal is to be able to figure out the people that are safe to trust. I’m always reading when I can about patterns of behaviors here and observing the people that HG identified as narcissists and non narcissists in his lists and also comparing them to the narcs I had in my life. I’m forever grateful that we have HG in our lifetimes to provide these information to us. And yes, Empath’s deserve to have a true equal caring relationship. We just have to watch out who we let in into our lives.

          3. FYC says:

            You are most welcome, Fieke. I hope you continue to comment on the blog. I commend you for protecting your child and congratulate you on your progress. I wish you the very best in your healing process as well. We are happy to have you!

      5. Summer says:

        Waving back Fieke, appreciate you sharing

      6. Kristin says:

        Fieke,
        Welcome! You are in the best place possible and learning from HG’s work is a fabulous hobby!

      7. MommyPino says:

        Hello Fieke! Welcome to the blog! Glad you are finding the answers and finally seeing colors for the first time. All the best to you!

      8. Truthseeker6157 says:

        Waving back Fieke from rainy England !

        1. Fieke says:

          haha.. reading this under my umbrella also..

    5. Fiddleress says:

      This is a great idea, NarcAngel, such a poll would be both helpful and interesting.

    6. Z - zwartbolleke says:

      NA,

      I’m on the blog for some years now, and in the beginning there was no necessity for me to actually enter the blog and participate in comments, as we receive e-mails daily and back then, it was possible to read the full article in the e-mail itself (oh those good days!). I started interacting from the moment we were ‘forced’ (I don’t have a better word) to come to the blog to read the articles, and there was no other way then read articles on the blog itself.
      But I was very very reluctant to do so, I felt like everyone knew each other and I waited again a very long period to see who I could trust.

      To come back to the AFF: at the start of it, my main reason for being suspicious was that back then, it was said that every six months the amount that was not used up, would be donated to a charity. Well I did not agree with that at all, and also that was not transparent, so I donated very small contributions at the beginning of it.
      Since that issue is off the table, I fully support the idea.

      And bringing out an idea, in my country, sometimes when somebody dies, a fund is set up in memory of that person. For instance at my work 2 fireman died, and after that a fund was set up, and with the money raised, something which is related to prevention of fire is beneficial every year of that money.
      For my personally, I would find it appealing if the AFF was a fund dedicated to your deceased (family member, no spoiler to knowingHG). Everybody contributing to it, would be contributing to prevent ever happening the same again to a child. (That’s my silly sentiments!!)

      1. Truthseeker6157 says:

        Not silly Z, very very thoughtful, a really touching idea. When the GD is complete, this might be the perfect way to start afresh with something pure and enduring that forms part of HG’s legacy.

    7. Asp Emp says:

      NA, you asked – basically I was ‘lost’ and decided to seek some answers for myself – came across KTN originally via Flackbook, Fackbook? Oh, Yes, Fakebook. Then had a look at the site on PC – I was like, what? A narcissist? A psychopath? (fk). Yet I carried on reading, on the first day and (sniggering) at the memory of reading HG’s rules and crying with laughter (quite right too, Sir) – thought this guy has a sense of humour. Then I looked at other sites and learned about empaths (did a couple of online tests) then came back to KTN via Fackbook for a week or so. This was around 12th July. Decided I liked what I was reading on the blog, signed up via WordPress and not looked at other sites since. My first comment that was ‘moderated’ (and passed) – A Bowl Of Cherries, then Puppet On A String, third was Locked On Target (sniggering, I haven’t really changed much since then, probably more ballsy LOL!). The narcs in my past killed my trust – yet I am free to talk it all out on this blog. I’ve cried, laughed and found some people I can ‘relate’ to. Reading what others have to say about HG’s support, that he can be trusted to be here for us and empower us with the tools to become stronger than we may have ever been.

    8. Liza says:

      If i remember correctly my first comment was because i couldn’t resist the urge to ask Mr.HG if the fact that he decided to not have children was a form of empathy and if he wanted to spare them ( at the time i still could not believe that a personne can be totally devoid of empathy so i wanted it to be told to me explicitly ). and the fact that i commented a 1st time and evrything went well i felt comfortable commenting whenever i had something to say.

    9. Leigh says:

      Thank you NA. It would have been ok if you used my name. There are a couple of reasons I hesitate to comment.

      First, 18 months ago I came to this blog because I was having an affair and he disengaged with me and that brings me alot of shame. I try not to share that because of the shame i feel. Second, because of that, I don’t think people will want to hear my opinion or believe I even have the right to an opinion because I was a DE DLS. Thirdly, sometimes I would comment and not get a response. In the beginning, that was tough because it felt like another silent treatment. Like what I had to say didn’t matter. Fourth, I’m afraid to disappoint Mr. Tudor. Fifth, its my personality. I’m introverted until you get to know me and then you can’t shut me up. It takes me some time to get out from under my shell. I’m not everyone’s cup of tea, lol.

      I will say this, right from the beginning, I felt safe enough to stay. I knew Mr. Tudor and his site would be helpful and never had any reason to question otherwise.

      Lastly, the reason I don’t comment as much is because I’m still in denial. I came here as a DE DLS and the longer I was here, I realized, I’m also an IPPS. I haven’t been able to admit that until recently and I’m still not sure what I’m going to do about it.

      One thing is for certain, I will remain here and keep on reading and listening. I realized I’ve only donated once to the AAF and I will be remedying that on Friday.

      1. JB says:

        Leigh, I feel unable to scroll past your comment without saying something. I want you to know, I know exactly how you are feeling. Everything you have said about your situation, how it makes you feel, the denial, all of it. I feel exactly the same. I know that’s no help, but I just want you to know there is no judgement here and you aren’t alone x

        1. Leigh says:

          JB, it absolutely helps. Thats why this blog is so important. Even if one decides not to comment, they can see the other comments and it still helps. .

          When I got here, I knew there was something wrong with the man I was having an affair with. I was in the middle of a silent treatment when I came here. If it wasn’t for this blog, I would have gone back when he hoovered. This blog gave me awareness that he was a narcissist and I chose to never restart the intimate relationship.

          What I’m in denial about is my husband. The more I was here, the more i questioned whether he’s a narcissist too. I’m still not sure if I’m ready to admit that.

          1. JB says:

            I’m glad it helps. I agree that even just reading the comments here helps. I stumbled upon it by chance when I was researching narcissism after having been told that the person I was involved with was one. I did lots and lots of reading, and realised that not only was he one, but so were some members of my family. It’s hard to come to terms with, isn’t it. I still am finding it hard to accept, but all you can do is to take one day at a time. It may be worth doing the narc detector to see for certain; I haven’t used this but it is highly recommended and may stop you wondering one way or the other. In the meantime we are all here for you if you need to offload x

          2. NarcAngel says:

            JB
            So did you then (upon hearing that you were dealing with a narcissist) begin reading/researching by googling terms?
            If so:
            What key words did you google?
            How long did that go on and how many others sites did you visit before you found narcsite?

            Thanks

          3. JB says:

            NA,

            I had been told to look up ‘narcissist’, so I typed into Google ‘what is a narcissist?’ Read lots of random articles, lots and lots of them, can’t even remember which now, but one day I was directed to a post on Quora, which had been written by HG. I think within it was a link to a blog article. It completely grabbed me. I liked the no nonsense, logical explanations given. I liked hearing it from the other side, so to speak.

            The similarities in described behaviour were incredible. HG could have even been the person I was involved with, simply because the way he described everything, it’s like he had been a fly on the wall, and he even used the same expressions etc. And the way he then goes from describing the narcissist’s behaviour to how that impacts on me, it’s spot on. That attracted me greatly.

            My big issue with the person I had been involved with was to do with closure. I couldn’t get closure from the person I had been involved with, and it was massively stopping me moving on. He knew this, and still refused to elaborate on anything, just deflecting, projecting, and then going silent (same old, same old). I needed to know why he had behaved in the way he had. The fact that HG even talked like him helped so much, it felt like I was being given the one-off closure explanation that I so desperately needed. I still find it hard to come to terms with the fact that HG isn’t a reformed character, and whether by following this blog I am in some way inadvertently condoning the described behaviours, but I have started to go through a somewhat rebellious stage of thinking I don’t care, I need to do this. This blog has truly changed my life. It has led me to uncover reasons behind everything that has ever happened to me. My narcissist was purely the start of a process which needed to happen, and HG has filled in all of the gaps inbetween. I can’t help but feel grateful to both of them for that, but especially HG.

          4. HG Tudor says:

            Good to read, thank you for sharing.

          5. JB says:

            NA,

            Forgot to answer how long..I found HG very quickly after the initial google, within weeks I think.

      2. Truthseeker6157 says:

        Leigh, I’m so glad you commented. You won’t find judgement or pressure here, only understanding x

        1. Leigh says:

          Truthseeker, you’ve always been wonderful to me. Not everyone is as understanding and non judgmental as you. Thank you

      3. Fieke says:

        Hi fellow DLS, I bet there are many more here, just as well caught by the narcs as a honest IPPS. Do not feel ashamed. Although I get it! I do to.
        Maybe HG can make a DLS forum for us, where every DLS is welcome and of course alle others that don’t hate us to much.. lol 😉

      4. MommyPino says:

        Leigh, For what it’s worth I just want to say that whatever label was attached to us in the narcissist’s toy shelf, it doesn’t reflect who we really are as a person. Their perspective on us doesn’t change who we really are. When the time comes that we completely realize that they have no value to us, the value that we place on their perspectives on us also goes away to zero. But I totally understand the conditions we go through that makes us susceptible to putting stock on the value that they place on us. I just think, I was a candidate to be a DLS by a narc before but a normal married me and he has no other intimate partners whatsoever. In narc world our identities are screwed because they don’t see us as humans anyway. But in the real world we have so much value. So DLS , IPSS, IPPS, the real world and normal people doesn’t care.

        1. Leigh says:

          Thats very true Mommypino. There perspective doesn’t matter. Unfortunately, I’m questioning whether or not my husband is a narcissist. So unfortunately, until I quit denying it, his perspective still matters..

          1. MommyPino says:

            Leigh, 💕 If you haven’t done yet, a Narc Detector consult would help you get the clarity. I have to say I went through wondering if my husband and a lot of people that I know are narcissists but the more I learned and looked at it I realized he’s not. But the best way to be sure when it is bothering you is a narc detector. I saw a commenter have a ND for a family member and thankfully it turned out negative. Whatever the result maybe it is always best to know for sure.

          2. Fool Me 1 Time says:

            Leigh you can put all doubt out of your mine by simply do the Narc Detector consult. It will not only confirm your suspicions, it will also allow you to start making a plan to escape. Even if you do not want to leave HG would still be able to help you in finding away to find some peace of mind until you decide what you want to do. Take care of yourself dear. 💞

      5. Sweetest Perfection says:

        Leigh, I was reading the blog and not contributing for a while at the beginning because I felt shame of my situation. I am married and got into an affair with another married person (who happened to be a narcissist). I didn’t dare open my mouth until someone mentioned she was a dirty empath. Then I read about similar stories to mine. That made me feel less ashamed. A few detectors later, I learned my affair was a narc, that I was an Empath, and that I was a shelf IPSS to him. I understand your shame because I felt it too, but I promise you that if you stay in the blog, the more you learn, the more you will love yourself and the less shame you will feel. Stay and get enlightened! I’m happy you found the blog, we are the lucky ones who found the path to the answers no one else could provide.

      6. Eternity says:

        Hi Leigh,
        Please don’t feel.ashamed. We empathetic people also make mistakes we are not perfect. We are all entitled to our opinions and to hear each others views on the blog.
        When I first came here and all the comments I wrote I felt guilty. I stopped commenting for awhile But since I have been back I am a new person (thanks to HG of course)
        I have finally got the nerve to leave my Narc after so many years that I dont feel guilty anymore. I feel relieved!!. Things will alll work out for you. We are all in this together! We have all come to this blog for s reason.
        Hugs to you
        Xoxo

        1. Leigh says:

          Thank you everyone, yes I suppose it’s time to figure out what he is. Although, at this point, I dont care. Im done. I just want out. My problem is, we’ve been together for 35 years. As much as I want out, I’m scared as hell to leave.

          1. Cup Cakes says:

            Dont be scared Leigh.Just do it civilized so you dont feel guilty about anything & move forward.

          2. Kristin says:

            Leigh,
            I found HG this time last year and he has been a God send. I see myself your posts and sounded just as you do when I first came here. I have been married for 29 years and together for 31 so I completely understand your level of fear. I was a complete mess when I discovered I was married to an ULN and poured out my heart on this site and to HG. It was both a relief and heart breaking to finally know what I was married to. Every situation is different and you have to take it one day, sometimes one hour at a time, baby steps. For example, I have a son with special needs and my daughter has one more year of high school. I am doing what I know is best for them during this particular season of their lives but continue to move ahead and get stronger. You will not regret doing the narc and empath detector, it is something you do for YOU! I almost feel as though you will not be able to move forward until you know what they reveal. I read this site every single day and am planning my escape. I consult with HG and I cannot tell you how amazing that is.

            I have come so very far but I still have my days, like today, where I am scared to death (ET) because this is all I have known. HG has been a true life saver which I have said many times. My narc husband is mentally and physically abusive, there is NO way I can stay in this marriage because my health has taken a nose dive among other things. I would not be where I am or even considering leaving if it had not been for HG. I have told him any number of times that I cannot do this without him. He reassured me the last time we spoke that he has experience with people who are/have been in my same situation with similar hurdles. I felt so much better after hearing this because he is the best and I am in very good hands.

            Take care of yourself as best you can. The angels on this site have supported me, brought me to tears with their kindness and I am forever grateful. You can do this and the more you learn the more the fear will abate. 💜 😊

          3. Leigh says:

            Cup Cakes, I wish it was that easy. I’ll definitely do it civilized but I’m still going to feel guilty.

            Kristin, thank you for your kind words. I’m sorry about your circumstances. I hope you get relief, freedom and peace very soon.

          4. Kristin says:

            Leigh & others,
            I want to clarify that in no way do I see the sharing of other people’s stories as a plea for sympathy, that is a double standard I impose on myself. Although most are heart wrenching, they have helped me tremendously and it is wonderful that people can share their most private thoughts here without judgement. 😊

          5. Kristin says:

            Leigh,
            Thank you for your kind words. I told you about my situation so you know that you are not alone and that we all have stories explaining our various experiences. I hesitate to describe my home life because I do not see myself as a victim needing sympathy but I share it in case others can relate and they will feel comfortable commenting on this blog, consult with HG and receive the support that is provided. I wish you all the best. You have taken the first step in telling your story and with HG’s help, you will be able to escape. Life is too short and you have been through enough. 🤩

          6. Leigh says:

            Thank you Kristin. Its funny, I don’t see myself as a victim who needs sympathy either. This has all been my choice. I always knew something was off with him. I stayed because I felt bad for him. He can’t make it on his own. So I feel like I have to stay. I believe mine is a victim narcissist.

            I know I should consult with Mr. Tudor. I’m not quite there yet. I came to this blog 18 months ago because of another narcissist and while here, I realized my husband was one too. I know I’m supposed to be here. I’m just not ready to go the whole distance yet. For now, I will continue to buy the bulletins and books and read the blog until I can muster up the courage to take the next step. I’m getting there slowly but surely.

        2. Cup Cakes says:

          Glad you have HG to help you.

          1. Another Cat says:

            Leigh and Kristin

            Reading through your life stories about having been married to narcs for decades: I’m sorry about the brevity of this comment but I’m cheering for you to achieve freedom very very soon.

    10. FYC says:

      Hello NA,

      My reasons for not commenting for my first year as a reader:
      1) Privacy
      2) Had never felt compelled to comment on a blog before
      3) The blog comments section environment can be off-putting and dramatically volatile at times (I think we have lost commenters in the past over this whether certain comments were intended to be offensive or not)
      4) Was not sure if what I would share was a fit for the audience
      5) I did not care for the Evil theme at the time. My feeling is, there are all kinds of people. Sadly, many do abhorrent, horrific things. Are they evil or are their actions evil? I do not know. Do they lack empathy? Most certainly (whether in the moment or at all times). Evil sometimes feels more like an ominous blame-shift power-play, lacking any accountability. It is also absent of scientific examination or explanation and is not reflective of the quality of information actually contained on the blog. Any action is both the act and the perception/valence of the actor and the recipient. Therein lies the conflict and struggle. No wonder we often have philosophical debates on right/wrong, good/evil, and intent/actions. It is complex.

      My reasons for commenting:
      1) I took privacy measures
      2) I had something to say regarding something I read off blog and commented to HG
      3) This happened again when I wanted to offer some insight that might help a fellow reader
      4) Some readers were very kind and I appreciated their kindness and continued
      5) I add to the commentary now as a way of giving back whenever I feel it may add value

      Not sure if any of this is helpful, but this represents my switch from reader to commenter.

    11. MommyPino says:

      Hello NA,
      I don’t know why I seem different but I commented right away, probably within the first or second week that I found this blog. I was not knowledgeable with narcissism but after reading a couple of articles here I was hooked because everything was starting to make sense. I got too excited and wrote a long monologue about the handyman who tried to seduce me at a Dirty Empath article. I did not really know that this was a tight knit community or didn’t even think of anything regarding making friends or being part of anything here but at that time I had this big secret in my chest that has affected me so much. Although I told my husband that the guy tried to seduce me I couldn’t tell him how much I was so affected by it and how attracted I was with the narcissist because I would hurt his feelings. My girlfriends thought it was funny and we laughed about it but I couldn’t admit to them how much I was really affected also because it doesn’t make any sense and I didn’t want them to make any weird or untrue conclusions. So I blurted it all out as soon as I recognized that the articles apply to me and the subject of the blog which is narcissism applies to my experience.

    12. Leigh says:

      NA, one other thing I want to mention.
      When I made that comment about mustering up the courage, I was going against popular opinion and questioning Mr. Tudor. I had never done that before. I felt like I had to do it though. I felt like you were out there all alone and I wanted you to know you weren’t.

      1. NarcAngel says:

        Leigh
        Although I appreciate the intention in your action, I want you to know that in future it is not necessary where I am concerned. I am not uncomfortable taking an opposing stance if it’s something I feel strongly about and I certainly would not expect anyone to adopt mine or go against their own feeling for that reason. If others do have the same view and it helps them to come forward that’s different. I can respect an opposing view and even accept parts of it without wholly adopting it. I see it as discussion, but recognize that a lot of people are uncomfortable with an opposing or minority view and just want harmony. I only want to hear what people really think – whether I agree with it or not. I find differing opinions fascinating.

        No one here should feel any shame. We all arrived here under different circumstances and none any worse or better than others. It’s the commonality of what brought us here that should be the focus – and that is narcissism. Period.

        1. Asp Emp says:

          Way to go NA – your last paragraph. That’s it. Period.

        2. Leigh says:

          Duly noted. Just for the record though, I did agree with you.

    13. Fiddleress says:

      NA
      To answer your question, I think I started posting just a few days after finding the blog (which was on the 18th of February this year – another 18th to celebrate). I posted to say that although I did not comment much, I was finding what others posted very helpful. I was encouraged by the kindness I could see in readers’ comments to each other, by how similar our stories, reactions and feelings sounded, and by the humour! I wondered if I would ever be able to laugh again back then, so this impressed me quite a bit.

      1. NarcAngel says:

        Fiddleress
        Thank you. How did you find the blog? (glad that you did). Agree that HG’s humour is unexpected and draws you in to reading more. Once you start, you know you’re in the right place.

    14. WokeAF says:

      Like the poll idea here are some potential options:
      -lost the fear they will be attacked by HG if they disagree w HG
      -lost the fear they will be attacked by Empaths I’d they disagree w HG
      -lost the fear they will be attacked by empaths if they disagree w a long time commenter
      -stopped taking the blog so seriously so feel more comfortable participating
      -got ET under control so don’t have emotional reactions to the blog so feel more comfortable participating

      HG is the Taylor Swift Blank Space Instagram linked to an article ? Thx

      1. HG Tudor says:

        No, it’s not.

        1. WhoCares says:

          I won’t comment on IG; but that visual of the lyrics from Blank Space – along with your commentary – is brilliant.

          1. HG Tudor says:

            It is and thank you, more to come.

    15. autiempath says:

      N.A.
      I first found Narcsite, when searching the difference between a Narcissist and a Narcisstic person, it brought me to YouTube, a video from HG.

      I was scared to listen to it at first, bc of HG his, for me hypnotic voice.
      So i took a look at this blog, and at first was flabbergasted and overwhelmed with everything, but i could not let go. And i started reading, and reading everything.
      Buying books, logic bulletins and did the EDC.

      I was afraid to comment at first, as i thought there was not much that i could offer on here.
      I did not even know that i was ensnared with a N. at the time, i found out by reading here.
      So then i comment to HG, with compliments etc. That went well.

      And then i came across a commenter, who had also Martyr in her cadre, and i wanted to give her some strength and guidance.

      From then on i feel safe to comment sometimes.
      But not so much, bc for me it is very hard to translate my thoughts in written words.
      I admire you and other commenters for this, and realy enjoy reading it on here.

      1. K says:

        autiempath
        I remember that convo because I was so surprised that someone could be 100% of any Cadre!

        Auti emp says:
        February 21, 2020 at 18:23
        And yes HG stated that it is not very common to have a 100% cadre.

        https://narcsite.com/2020/08/17/empath-detector-18/

        1. autiempath says:

          Indeed, and iam afraid it is not something to be proud of😕

          1. K says:

            autiempath
            Don’t be too hard on yourself!

            I do remember thinking that it must be very difficult to be 100% Martyr. Although we cannot remove our traits, we can learn about them, reduce our ET and focus on LT. I like to think that there is hope for us all on narcsite.

          2. Truthseeker6157 says:

            Autiempath,

            That’s amazing! How unusual. I’m going to look up your cadre and re read!

          3. autiempath says:

            Thank you K, will try.

            Iam now suffering between accepting it and the bitterness of this fact.
            I’ve lost my mojo a bit.

            I love your thought about hope, but you know what HG said about hope….

            But yes, you are absolutly right, work on reducing the ET and focus on LT seems the only way.

          4. autiempath says:

            Thank you TS6157,

            The article The Doormat, sums it all up.

          5. Truthseeker6157 says:

            Hey Autiempath

            I’m glad you suggested that article. I couldn’t find a specific Martyr article ( that’s how unique you are! ) but I understand the meaning of the word.

            Doormat. That article made me angry when I first read it a few weeks ago. Most don’t, that did. It’s a mean way to describe anyone. It is however written by a narcissist focussing on a narcissistic viewpoint. I would imagine that in some ways for the narc to have a martyr walk into the room would be akin to all their christmases arriving at once. Well, good for them.

            Like most of us the Martyr traits likely light right the way up around a narcissist, the seasoned taker meets the unaware giver. The difference for you now, you are no longer unaware. Place the Martyr with a normal or empathic partner and her traits are likely appreciated or at least not abused.

            Assume I was with a Martyr. I wouldn’t allow anyone to give to the extreme. My own empathic traits would prevent me taking advantage of that, I’d respect the loyalty, the shared purpose, the support and the safety offered by a Martyr personality. What I wouldn’t do is look for ways to exploit it. A normal would be more inclined to take advantage, but not exploit.

            My interpretation of your result would be that it’s very important for you to find the right person to take into your heart and trust. So recognising a narcissist or narcissistic normal is key for that cadre. Let them through the door and it’s likely tougher for you to kick them out later. It shows you put others before yourself and remain loyal to the extreme. Society at the moment is incredibly selfish, I read it every day in the newspaper and it angers, saddens and frustrates me. More like you are needed in this world, there’s no doubt of that in my mind.

            All of us have our weaknesses. No cadre is all advantageous. We all have things to work on in with respect to not having our gifts taken advantage of but I think this is more important for you. 100% Martyr cadre cannot be easy, but I do think concentrating on boundary maintenance and people selection has to be key. You have contagion in your school, that’s useful in respect of first impressions and weeding negative people out. This is your safeguarding element I think. I have contagion in my school make up too and I’m glad it’s there for that very reason. I use it every day and it is to be relied upon.

            The right partner, the right friends, the right organisation to work for and the right boss. Get these key things right and your loyalty and dedication will be appreciated not exploited and this will make you flourish and bloom. That’s my take on it.

            You are rare indeed autiempath, that’s something to be proud of. Concentrate on having the right people around you and I think you might learn to love your cadre uniqueness more and maximise on its value x.

          6. autiempath says:

            TS6157,

            Iam happy to help with suggesting the article, also the book Chained explanes a lot.

            I can understand that the name Doormat make someone angry, Martyr is a better name. I also understand why HG choose it.
            I thought about asking him, no begging him to change the name, would you do that HG?
            But that would not make the facts of it change, and i also understand his point of view. Cold hard logic.

            Thank you for your kind words about being with a Martyr, i think you are right, and it is only with a N. the Martyr is becomming a Doormat. In other ways in my life iam very independent.
            I don’t know how it is with a Normal or an Empath , bc i only had Narcs in my life, no surprise haha.

            Iam working on my knowledge about Narcissm here. And lowering ET and LT.
            Boundary maintenance and people selection are absolut key in my life, in all Empath’s life.
            Contagion in my and your school is helpful, indeed.

            I admire your positive attitude towards me/the cadre, i need some of that positivity back.
            Thank you some more for your interesst, advice and kind words.
            I’m going to work hard on everything.

          7. K says:

            My pleasure autiempath
            Hang on to the Mojo! Don’t give up; you are tenacious. Fight the enemy (ET) and kick its ass! Empaths are tough (which is why we are so appealing to narcissists).

            Hahahahaha…I know… but hope won’t go away!

            HG Tudor says:
            December 25, 2017 at 00:49
            Do not look to hope, she is a charlatan. A fraudster. A denier. Look to me, I am the answer.

            https://narcsite.com/2017/12/24/the-devastation-of-the-illusion-5/

          8. Truthseeker6157 says:

            Hey Autiempath,

            You’re welcome, thank you for your response 😊

            I do think Contagion is key when it’s in your school. I look at it a bit like a muscle, well all of our various elements really. If we use that muscle it gets stronger. We are led by school and cadre, both parts together. So with Contagion, I’ve started exercising the muscle. I trust it, see it as a strength so rather than use it almost subconsciously as I would usually, I’m consciously reaching. Exercising the muscle. I think we can do that with all of our various elements. HG commented, he is excellent at manipulation because he does it every day. That makes sense. Maybe we focus on our key strengths too. Use those every day.

            Lowered ET is crucial, totally agree with you. Logical Thinking is far more comfortable and makes us far more effective. Everything we learn here trains us for that. We kind of have to train ourselves within our own empathic make up as its so personal but it’s my view that the EDC is the first step in that process and I’m just starting to realise it’s importance.

            Stay positive Autiempath, use your strengths x

          9. Another Cat says:

            Autiempath

            Just want this out: You strike me as a very capable person, not someone who seems to have much “weakness” at all.

            I haven’t had the chance and budget to get aquainted with the Empath Detector yet, but as I understand the term, Martyr cadre is about blaming yourself for things that happen, not about constantly blaming others. Two very different ballparks.

            You accept a lot of responsibility. That is a bit of what adults do. I guess the warning is about letting others take responsibility as well, because what is on them, is on them. They are grownups. It seems to me like accountability is your strength.

          10. autiempath says:

            Another Cat,

            The weakness in me, mainly expresses itself when iam in contact with an Narc.
            It is like i have a big sign on my head, that says: Abuse me! And i wil thank you for that! Its crazy.

            I attract them and they attract me, sniff me out, they feel It, see It. I have to work on that one, bc Narcs are al around us anyway. And i cannot blame them. They are what they are.

            The Martyr is a bit more then only the self blame, you can find more on it in the article: The Doormat, and the book Chained.
            Fingers crossed you have soon the budget for the EDC.

            Thank you for your kind words, i appreciate that.

          11. autiempath says:

            Hey TS6157,

            Haha that is a nice metaphor, a muscle.
            Then i have to do some working out, makes sense.

            ET and the addiction are indeed the biggest enemies, and iam planning to work on them.
            After that, iam good again.

            Thank you for your supportive words x

          12. autiempath says:

            K,

            I will hang on and never give up!
            Indeed we are tough!
            Hope is a Fraudster yes!

            Better call HG!

    16. A Victor says:

      I joined the forum because it’s one of my preferred methods of communicating, the topic is fascinating and I needed help learning about it, the people here seemed friendly and I pretty much join every forum I come across if there’s anything I want to say on it. It has been impressive to see how you all help each other out and how HG is so interactive.

      The last forum I joined was the one where I met the narc. That was the most scary part but I figured I could just leave if anything bad happened.

      1. Truthseeker6157 says:

        Hi A Victor,

        Me too. I met the narc in a forum for an online game whilst recruiting players. I wouldn’t mind but I only play one game! I’m not a ‘gamer’ as such.

        There is only one narc in this forum and that’s the Ultra. HG will spot a narc a mile away so they aren’t going to just wander in here. Occasionally he lets one in for our learning, but these characters will never get a foothold, never be permitted to interact with us in a covert way.

        I hadn’t been here long and tried to interact with one who appeared argumentative, negative about HG and the material. HG commented ‘Don’t bother Truthseeker6157.’ So my interaction was halted. HG watches everything because he moderates everything. This place is created for us to question, discuss, heal, learn, laugh and recover, with others like us. I would say that this forum is the safest one out there. Ironic in a way, but true.

  9. autiempath says:

    I’m in!

    1. Truthseeker6157 says:

      Ha ha ! Yay!

      1. Truthseeker6157 says:

        Two things, where did my rose go?!
        Second, I know this is a really dumb question, but, how do you leave feed back on Knowledge Vault products? I have never managed to do it. I tried from my library page, I tried clicking on products I already purchased in the Knowledge Vault. I googled it to try find the answer. I logged out then back in and lost my flower. What am I missing?

        I’ve got the face on now!
        Amazon lets me leave reviews! ( I left great works of genius on there ) Grrrr! 😡

        1. Truthseeker6157 says:

          I found it, haven’t got the face on now ha ha! Consider yourself reviewed to within an inch of your life. Forgot how much I had, I have bought on amazon too. I am a Tudor library! A talking one!

        2. Asp Emp says:

          LOL, looks like the problem has been resolved?

  10. Fiddleress says:

    FYC wrote “AAF is not about show, or guilt, or greed or anything negative in the least.” Absolutely, and it is is important to emphasise this.

    I thought I might add this
    My initial post arose from being surprised to hear that many readers did not comment (which is indeed also a way of helping, as I have read here, and being helped), they read the material available for free, and did not donate. I am sure that others have had great ideas before (not to say mine is so great), to encourage people to donate to the AAF. I am still relatively new here, but/and in no way did I think that I had come up with the idea of the century.

    Where I live, charities are not popular. We pay so much in taxes that when a charity tries to convince us to donate, we just want to scream and run away. Because the money from the taxes is supposed to be redistributed to cater for everyone’s basic needs (except that it is less and less true, and the taxes are still very high).
    So it is quite out of character for me to encourage to donate to a charity. BUT in this case, not only is the absolute necessity to be protected from narcissists not considered as such by any redistributive tax system, so a charity such as the AAF is indispensable, but the readers who would donate $1 are actually getting invaluable information and help for *themselves* – which makes a huge difference with donating to other charities.

    1. NarcAngel says:

      Fiddleress
      Your idea to donate on an particular day of the month rather than (or in addition to) the previous sporadic and/or holiday drives whether through recurring payment or merely as a reminder for those so inclined is a great idea and one I fully support.

    2. FYC says:

      Completely understandable, Fiddleress, and thank you for sharing this important point. There is enormous competition amongst all charities for donations. After-tax dollars are hard to come by. The need is great and the dollars are few. I understand and empathize. Yet, my hope is many will join in giving a small donation by way of answering your fine suggestion, either on the 18th, or any day of their choosing that offers the same meaning for them. Every dollar received is one step towards a life forever changed for the better.

      1. Fiddleress says:

        FYC, you are really kind and patient with me. I meant to point to the growing failure of ‘forced’ collective solidarity: high taxes for people in work (whereas wealthy companies are not forced to pay what they owe, while still taking advantage of public money), and less and less money for basic needs such as education, health, and simply enough to eat for those who cannot work. We feel we are being squeezed dry like lemons, and unfortunately, charities lose out. I also meant to explain that charities are not part of our culture, because of our long-standing belief in taxes (forced solidarity) to cater for everyone’s needs. And your very interesting statistics show that spontaneous solidarity will be shown by a minority only. I didn’t have the USA in mind in my previous message, but France. I am under the impression that our taxes are much higher here, and they are among the highest in Europe. Problem is, wages are generally low here.
        Charities are absolutely necessary, and I do donate regularly to the food bank (what a surprise!) but I am shocked that there even is a need for a food bank in this country. What a sign of failure of the direction society is taking! Our charities themselves say how shameful it is, but are not heard either.

        1. Fieke says:

          Agreed. Having a secure income to just get by and living in a country where all medical and psychological help is free, and taxes are high, I donate, to animals, nature, local initiatives. There is not much left, but I donate here also, modestly. Hope that everybody who is in need could by a library card from HG to get a temporary license to read stuff. maybe get the stuff in paperback and only pay transport costs and a fee – to be returned upon sending the stuff back or something.

        2. Renarde says:

          Fiddleress

          Your points are noted but in actuality, we’ve always been ‘squeezed dry’, it’s just more obvious now. Why now is intresting and I don’t feel I have the answers. Except perhaps perhaps…something I am seeing right now in the London Kink Scene.

          All economies have to periodically ‘reset’ themselves. This is the essence of Marxism. Boom/Bust. War/Peace. We saw that especially after Versailles and the rise of the Weimer then Nazism.

          In a ‘healthy’ society there would be no need for food banks, charity etc. The fact we have, as you say, speaks volumes .

          Just give that blummin’ dollar!

          This ends the Party Political broadcast from Ren.

          1. Fiddleress says:

            You are right about economies needing to be reset, Renarde. Not reassuring.

            I have not always felt squeezed dry. Until about 15 years ago, I didn’t have to be so careful how I spent my money. And since then, the cost of living has shot up here, but my wages have not at the same rate.

        3. FYC says:

          Thank you kindly, Fiddleress. I completely empathize with what you are feeling. These are unprecedented times. The reason why I do not discuss politics on the blog because it is usually off topic. In your case, taxes and others constraints are highly relevant. They do impact giving significantly. There are so many important causes, it can be overwhelming, and we know there will always be Angels in need. Yet we cannot lose heart. We are strong, we are many, and when we join together for a worthy cause we will mount the challenge and succeed. Your suggestion is fantastic and important and literally everyone can participate. You chose to take a noble action. I applaud this. We are defined by our choices. Understanding and empathy are important, but choices and actions are what effect real change. If we do not step up, who will?

  11. Circe says:

    Donation made in gratitude for all the assistance I have found here to seize my freedom. Though I rarely comment, I have gleaned so much from the entire community here over the past year.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you for doing so.

  12. NarcAngel says:

    Please take the following as a concern and not criticism:

    I certainly understand the spirit behind this drive and it is not the first for the AAF, however, there is a fine line between spirit and pressure for some where money is involved and we must be careful not to offend or cross that line and drive people away. People who give, give in the ways that they are comfortable, some give not at all. That is human nature. I agree in making an appeal for donation as a reminder that the AAF exists and sadly that there are people awaiting assistance, but I would not want the reputation of the site to steer towards money as being the focus, especially in light of the many specialized yet affordable products now available and that continue to be developed for purchase. Those people are getting the products they need, and if they want to or can squeeze a little extra out for someone else that’s great, if not for whatever reason, that’s okay too (by me) as they are already supporting the site indirectly.

    My hope is that the reminder, the lowered donation bar, and the discussion about one dollar not being too small but rather an important part of a greater collective will inspire more donation to the AAF in the form of dollars, but there are other ways to help as have been highlighted in other posts, and many of them are already being carried out to assist that one mighty pair of hands that currently handles the load. I would encourage those who read but think that they don’t have anything to offer to rethink that. This is a community and new input is helpful and appreciated.

    Another contribution of importance does not involve money at all and takes very little time: reviews and testimonials of the books, articles, and products as well as sharing them on social media goes a long way to assist in growing the community and thereby the possibility of increased contribution to both the AAF and HG’s reach overall. Doing that ensures success for everyone.

    1. mommypino says:

      NA, I personally take your comment as constructive. I’m sure it is just me and like you said was not the intention of the drive but I did feel a little worried that if I didn’t out myself for donating that I would be viewed as a narcissist deadbeat on the blog hence was partially the reason why I left my earlier comment. But all donations made by me, although not very big since I’m not the breadwinner in my family, were all made with a happy thought that it will benefit someone. I will keep on contributing whenever I can.

      1. HG Tudor says:

        Nobody would think anybody is a narcissist deadbeat if they did not donate, for two reasons:-

        1. That is not the mindset of my sensible readers, and
        2. Nobody knows if you have donated or not, except me.

        1. mommypino says:

          Thank you HG for you logical points. My ET got me worried when I didn’t have to.

          1. Eternity says:

            It’s Mommypino, we are only human.

          2. MommyPino says:

            Thank you Eternity! 💕

            I just think that we all have different situations. In my case, an automated deduction will probably cause some conflict which I don’t think is worth it. But I think that it is a great idea for those who can.

          3. Leigh says:

            Mommypino, I can’t do an automatic deduction either. When I purchase from the knowledge vault, I have to keep my purchases private. I use my real name because I use a joint account that I have with my mom. I can’t take an automatic withdrawal from my moms account. When I use her account though, I give her the cash. When I buy the books, I do use my own credit card and purchase through Amazon. I can explain buying books. I dont know if I could explain an automatic deduction every month though. I have to just make myself a note to donate more often. I’ve only done it once. Shame on me.

          4. mommypino says:

            Leigh, No shame at all. And it’s admirable that you still donate even though there are some difficulties. Every little bit helps. My situation is almost similar. I just don’t want to annoy my husband with automated deductions. I have a budget and I have a freedom to do whatever with it. When I do my one off donations it shows in my credit card as KTN so my husband doesn’t even look at it or think or ask about it. For all he knows I may have just bought another homeschooling supplements. If it will be automated he’s going to notice it and ask me if I know the merchant if it is fraud etc. We had an automated payment for several years paying for our cable and also someone else’s cable and we didn’t even notice it until after several years and never got the refund. Even if it’s just a dollar he now checks and asks me about automated payments and I just don’t want to have to explain to him. But I can buy anything as long as it fits in our budget but I don’t want to have to explain to him what I buy or donate to.

        2. BC30 says:

          Exactly.

      2. fox says:

        Mommypino, I don’t think anyone here sees you as a narcissist deadbeat, with or without a donation. I agree with NA about there being plenty of other ways to contribute too. When I come to the blog, I see people reaching out for help here and what a fine job you all do of supporting them. Emotional support takes a lot of effort and and emotional energy. I don’t have much time to spend doing the same because of my professional obligations, so I see occasional donations as the easiest way for me to help. I have worried at times my sporadic appearances here might lead others to be suspicious of me as well, but I know that’s just the ET talking. We all contribute in different ways and we should never be ashamed of how we go about it.

  13. FYC says:

    Dear Fiddleress,

    What a noble effort on your part to take a stand for the AAF. Thank you so much for doing so! I sincerely hope those who do not comment will join the ranks of those who donate to make a difference.

    As a show of support, I would like to DOUBLE YOUR DIFFERENCE between October 18th – November 18th, 2020. I will match all AAF donations (not to exceed a $200 USD total match), which will be paid on or about November 18th, 2020.

    To All Potential Donors:

    You may be asking yourself the following questions, and therefore, I hope you will find the following Q&A useful (I received approval from HG in advance to offer these):

    Q: Why should I give?
    A: Many people suffering from the abuse of a narcissist do not have funds, or the ability to access their funds, to get the help they desperately need. The AAF is the ONLY fund that answers this need and HG is the world’s best source for the most effective advice.

    Q: How do I know HG will use these funds for the intended purpose?
    A: As a regular donor, I can tell you that HG has shown transparency in communication (redacted for privacy of all parties) that demonstrates the original request and the recipient’s gratitude following the donated services. Further, demand far outstrips supply. Please do keep in mind, the amount donated is a fraction of the expense HG incurs to supply these services.

    Q: May I choose where my donation is used?
    A: Yes. If you desire, you may request that HG use your donation towards a specific Angel request, a type of Angel request, or simply give to the general Angel Assistance Fund and your donation will go directly where it is needed most.

    Q: How do I set up an automatic monthly donation?
    A: This can be accomplished via PayPal.

    Q: Is my donation tax deductible?
    A: Qualification for tax deductions vary by country. Please refer to the specific guidelines for your country and local tax authority.

    Q: How do I know my donation has made a difference?
    A: Rest assured all Angels demonstrate significant gratitude for HG’s life-changing (and often life-saving) counsel. Some Angels provide communications to express their gratitude with their donors. Others prefer complete anonymity. If you desire to know more, contact HG.

    Please join us in helping others get the help they so desperately need. Help now to MAX THE MATCH! You will have the eternal gratitude from the Angels for your kind empathy and action.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Well articulated FYC and a very generous offer from you also.

      1. Truthseeker6157 says:

        Bravo FYC ! Whoop Whoop!

        1. FYC says:

          Thank you for your help and kindness, TS xx

      2. FYC says:

        Thank you, HG. It is an honor to contribute to this worthy cause. I would also like to point out that you deserve recognition for the countless hours and expenses you contribute to make the AAF and the blog possible for everyone. We are all most grateful for your unparalleled insight and wise advice.

    2. lickemtomorrow says:

      Hi FYC, thank you for pointing out that we can direct our contribution at times (at HGs discretion, of course). I may see someone here in need of a specific item and want to contribute to that specific need. It can be hard for people to ask for the support (as Fiddleress covered in her comment), so the only other way is to contribute to the fund. I think the other thing is when we know people are in need we think the big ticket items, like consultations, etc. The drops in the ocean to the AAF will add up to what is needed for these, so rather than think you have to contribute large amounts for this specialized service it can be made less overwhelming to think of adding that drop and joining others in doing the same. Cliche, but ‘every little bit helps’. We can convince ourselves a minor contribution isn’t going to make much difference. It’s the adding up of the minor contributions that do. I need to get my head out of the space at times that says ‘it’s not enough’. If it’s as much as I can afford, then it is enough. And someone will definitely benefit.

      1. FYC says:

        Hello LET,
        Very well said from the heart. There is a biblical passage that is wise regarding giving. It is the example of the widow’s mite (smallest coin). When it came time for the collection, many rich gave large sums and received recognition. The widow placed her last two mites in the collection and went unnoticed. Jesus said “Truly I tell you, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others.” The others gave a small portion of their wealth, but the widow gave all she had.

        AAF is not about show, or guilt, or greed or anything negative in the least. It is about something we all hold dear–empathy! It’s about reaching out to help others that stand now where one of us once stood before we were helped. These Angels need us. Every penny counts. Every donation matters. No one is measured by donation size. Who would do this? Not an empath. No one is pressured. What is said on behalf of the Angels are merely passionate pleas. There is nothing wrong with asking for help. Not by the Angels, nor by us in asking others to join in and help. We have a really wonderful opportunity to join together in empathy and change the life of one who is suffering. I am fortunate to be able to offer a match. I do so not for what anyone thinks of my donation or of me. I do so to encourage others. So they know I stand with them and I wish to help double their impact of any size because I am able. I am not the widow in the example above. I am also not the wealthy. I give what I can when I am able. For anyone who cannot give, I wish them well and hope for better times ahead. We still stand together in spirit. We are here only because we care. Our choices matter. So please know, LET, that you are treasured and any amount matters.

        Potential donors: I will NOT know what you give, only whatever total HG provides for me to match. I trust him in this effort. I hope you will too. There are many that need our support. Thank you for your consideration.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I will provide you with a redacted screenshot of donations up to the level you have stated, so you can see the donations made but not any personal information.

          1. FYC says:

            Honestly, there is no need, HG. You are trustworthy in everything you do on the blog and for the Angels. Save your keystrokes and your time. Just let me know the total and I will deliver.

          2. FoolMe1Time says:

            Hello HG.
            I’m sure it is no secret to anyone that has been here for any length of time to know how much the AAF means to me!
            I would like to match FYC with any contributions that come in on that time frame up to $200.
            Thank you for all you do to help the Angels!

          3. HG Tudor says:

            Thank you FM1T, that is very generous of you also.

          4. FoolMe1Time says:

            You’re welcome HG. I’ve made AAF my number one charity, for me there is no charity more important then one that can give someone there freedom back, in some cases they are getting that freedom for the very first time.

          5. HG Tudor says:

            Thank you FM1T.

          6. FYC says:

            FM1T, I am honored to have you join me for the Angels. It’s a double-double benefit!💞 Hope you are happy and doing very well.

          7. FoolMe1Time says:

            FYC, it is I that is honored to join you for this most worthy cause. I know how hard it is to ask people to donate and not have the donations come through like you want them to. There are a lot of us on here that have tried and tried to gain more funds for the angels and time and time again it doesn’t happen. Perhaps this time it will be different?
            What bothers me the most are not the one’s that say this is scam worked up by HG, they say we the supporters are HG himself trying to get rich! That is so wrong! HG is not bothered or hurt by what they say, the ones that are hurt are the angels, if we have just one person who may have been thinking of donating and change there minds because of reading the untruths from these people, then that is another angel who does not get the help that she or he needs! You are into statistics FYC, how many of these so called top notch charities that people give to actually give all of the money to the ones who need it?! You read every day of charities being ripped off by the very people who run them, and yet people still give! The ones on here like you and I are testament to what HG and his work can do, and yet we have just a few for what ever reason, jealousy, attention seeking, some that are narcissists themselves that take away the knowledge and help someone needs to gain freedom by the slanderous things that they say. So it is an honor to join you FYC in giving perhaps another fallen angel her wings to freedom. 💞

          8. FYC says:

            FM1T, It is an interesting question you pose. Unlike any other charity I am aware of, 100% of your funds given to the AAF are applied to the Angels. HG does not deduct a single penny for “administrative costs” or for his livelihood.

            I am not so much “into statistics” as I am into facts that provide supporting evidence. We all have opinions, but when we see the behavior of the greater population statistically, it tells its own story.

            As for the people you are referring to, do you think their accusations and fears are only fears? For some yes. But for others, there seems to be a bit of projection in such overt disparaging accusations. These seem to reveal more how the accuser’s own mind operates. Remember the one in six. This constitutes almost 17% of the population. This near 17% would only give if it were to benefit themselves. The same group would be jealous of HG’s success and would not wish to help an empath. Instead they would gladly smear the AAF and decimate HG’s efforts.

            The evidence lies with the angels themselves, and their testimony speaks volumes. Should any empath have concerns regarding the AAF, I would encourage them to ask questions before jumping to conclusions (understandable if suffering PTSD from abuse from an abusive relationship). What is important is, these deserving people, who are screened for authentic need, get the help they desperately need. HG transforms lives. Everyone should have the opportunity to have that tremendous benefit.

          9. FoolMe1Time says:

            Well spoken ( written ) FYC! I knew you would come back with a reply that would make sense out of what I was trying to find the words to write. You are a great asset and even a greater blessing to have here with us on the blog! Have a wonderful weekend FYC. 💞

          10. FYC says:

            FM1T, I’m sorry it took me so long to reply. You always make sense to me. I value you greatly and your beautiful empathy shines. Thank you for always being so very kind. I hope you enjoy the rest of your weekend.

        2. lickemtomorrow says:

          Hi FYC, thanks for your comment and the reminder of that lovely passage. It’s a timely reminder of how we view things sometimes and the nature of giving. Giving what we are able when we are able is the gist of things, and Fiddleress has offered a great suggestion for doing so on a regular basis where the cost is minimal but the benefit to others could be great. I commend you on your generous offer and take your point that we can all join in spirit and offer encouragement by making a donation, no matter the size.

          I have donated today and will seek to continue to do so. A reminder does help. I become caught up in my own needs at times, as I’m sure others do here as they try to navigate their escape. I still have not fully accessed all the resources HG offers and I also have not caught up on all the materials I have already downloaded. This goes to show the enormous volume of work and also the need to tackle things when we are able. So I have a banquet set before me and it will take some time to digest. Which means I can spare a thought for someone else who might be in need. That’s the way I will look at it. And in that sense, I’m hardly the widow either. I may just need the occasional nudge to realize that others are thirsting after the meal in which I am partaking and it is only right to share my good fortune.

          Always appreciate your thoughts and feedback, FYC. Thank you x

          1. FYC says:

            I agree, LET. Giving is always best from the heart, and you have a good heart. Thank you for your generosity and your thoughts and feedback as well. You are appreciated. xx

    3. Renarde says:

      Bloody brilliant FYC!

      1. FYC says:

        Thank you, Renarde. And thank you for supporting the Angels!

        1. Renarde says:

          FYC

          I do what I can and thank you!

    4. Fiddleress says:

      Thank you for your kind words, FYC. And a double cheer to you, for such a generous offer, and for the Q&A. I am just just awed at the numerous ideas and generosity here!

      1. FYC says:

        Fiddleress, What you did here is important and impressive. You shared your heart and story. You are paying if forward and have invited everyone to join in. I wholeheartedly support you. I will offer another match at Christmas time. I’ll be sure to do so again on the 18th of December through the 18th of January. As you pointed out, the desire for assistance swells during the holiday season and we will be needed more than ever. Thank you again for your inspiration. You are very appreciated.

  14. mommypino says:

    Personally for me, regular automatic deductions wouldn’t work but I have given in several occasions donations that are in humble amounts but definitely more than $1 a month in all of the period since I have found this site. I am thankful to have been able to make those contributions as I have seen people benefit from it. I know how incredibly helpful your materials are and I know how much psychological and emotional help is so important and well deserved by victims.

  15. Chihuahuamum says:

    Ill donate later today. I have some gift cards with a few dollars here and there so this is a great way to use them up!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Jolly good.

  16. Truthseeker6157 says:

    Dollar donated Fiddleress 🙂

    Come on guys, one dollar, one day, the opportunity to make a real difference to men and women, just like us, who need our help. We can do this together, I know we can ! Push the button! Xx

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Your fellow empaths are failing to act, TS6157.

      1. Truthseeker6157 says:

        Possibly needs more time. People have to open the post to see and respond. Time zones, not everyone checks in every day, weekend so various commitments. Suggest a countdown next month like you have done on some of your new material. 5 days to angel donation day, 4 days…..
        It’s a great idea. It will work, just needs a little promotion that’s all. I know a man who can !

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Those are valid points TS however experience dictates that it is the same group who are generous and the vast majority do nothing. The readers asked for it, I set it up, it has helped many people, it takes additional time to administer it (which is done gratis) and it will only be maintained so long as it is supported, if not, I have plenty of other matters wanting my time and those who need the help will miss out.

          1. lickemtomorrow says:

            I’m a little late in replying but I have another suggestion to go with the wonderful one made by Fiddleress, HG. If you were to offer certain products at an extra dollar with that extra dollar going to the AAF, then people would buy in the knowledge they are also assisting others. It would not have to be as much as $1.00, but it could be an automatic offering to the AAF. You know how some companies say that every (for example) $1.00 of a product sold goes to such and such a charity. People get what they want/need and also make a contribution at the same time. As your products are so affordable, an extra dollar would not be out of the question. Although, the downside of that is for people who can little afford even the cheapest product which goes to helping them escape may avoid buying essential materials. it would be less voluntary in a sense, but it would guarantee the fund doesn’t suffer and those in need don’t miss out. People feel good if they know payment for the product they are buying is also going to benefit others, and in this case others in the same situation. I know you have instituted option at different times where we can nominate an amount in order to get a product and left it up to us how much we could contribute. That is a very novel idea and one I have contributed to in the past.

            Either way, creating a more instituted option for contributions is a great idea.

          2. HG Tudor says:

            That is a sensible suggestion, creates more administrative work for me, I shall consider it.

          3. Truthseeker6157 says:

            I know HG, I can understand the irritation. People access the work and have the opportunity to say thank you to you by donating to help others. It’s a win win. You are up to your neck in it and taking time out to help us with this idea and it is very much appreciated, you know that.

            This is a first go. If it doesn’t take then there will be reasons for that.

            1. A percentage of the population simply won’t donate. We won’t access that percentage no matter what we do. Discount them.

            2. A percentage of the readers won’t open the AAF article as they don’t recognise the title. Solution: 3 day run up. Article posted once a day for 3 days. Three, two, one, go.

            3. Commenters form a bond with other commenters. They feel the benefit of that support and want others to feel the same. Non commenters likely don’t feel the same camaraderie. They aren’t driven to support in the same way. Solution: regular commenters welcome and interact with new arrivals to the blog. Many do this anyway, it needs to be in our minds to look out for new arrivals who are tentatively making first comments. That isn’t just about AAF. We should do this anyway. I for one remember how confused and upset I was when I first arrived.

            4. Some readers will open the AAF post, but not really get what it is, or who it’s for. (I agree, yes, the information is there on the site.) Solution: regular commenters to draw attention to the AAF in open conversation where appropriate.

            5. Lack of trust. Readers are victims of narcissistic abuse and you are a narcissist. Your work works, you are on our side, but, it’s natural for people to be suspicious. Solution: those readers who have accessed the fund and felt the benefit of it, to post comments when the AAF post goes out. Only if they feel comfortable doing so and I know many do. This needs to happen each month so that new arrivals to the blog see these testimonials too. Questions as regards HG and his management of the AAF to be addressed by regular commenters. (We do this anyway). How the AAF came into being to be regularly added to comments section of AAF. ( I’m not sure whose idea this was originally, I need more history on this myself)

            In honesty, you are indeed amazing but you are just one pair of hands. If we are serious about making this work as a group, then we need to dedicate time as a group to making it work.

            Similarly, as the blog grows and the Ultra channel grows, more people will arrive here. There will be more comments to moderate and more questions to answer. We can help with that in part. We can signpost to articles and Knowledge Vault bulletins. We can recommend your books relevant to the question posed. Some questions we can answer from our own knowledge and understanding. We aren’t HG though. People will always want a response from the Ultra, I understand that, but, there are things that long term commenters can do to support. You have to be accessible HG. I’m willing to commit my spare time to supporting your work in this way. It’s a cause I believe in and it’s a cause that will make a difference to so many, just as it has for me.

            HG, we keep going. Let’s give it a proper chance. Regular readers, let’s make sure we do all we can to ensure this thing works. It’s important to us all. Xx

          4. HG Tudor says:

            Your appreciation is understood and thank you for your suggestions and observations TS, which are valid.

          5. Asp Emp says:

            You helped us, HG.

            I was wondering – along the white band of your site (where the headings are) – whether The AAF image could appear as a box at the very end (right hand side) so that it stands out – with everything to do with The AAF within that?

            Yes, I understand the administrative side, and what you is much appreciated. I know from experience at giving so much support for no or little return – hours & hours of my time and then I became ill. I stopped that charitable work I did for people like me (not directly related – but , yes, impacted indirectly by narcissism). I was not getting any support back, so I didn’t benefit either way.

            There is a number of us wanting to help you, HG.

            I too, wish to do regular (monthly) donation to The AAF but still feel that this fund should benefit and not the tax man nor my bank (charging for transactions) – it’s currently a grey area and if this could be made black & white – fab. I’m not savvy on tax regulations in relation to charitable organisations outside the UK.

            You’re doing a fab job – you deserve the accolade for it. You’re an Angel with a big heart.

          6. HG Tudor says:

            Thank you for the suggestion Asp Emp. Angel Assistance actually sits in the black band above the white one on the opening page of the blog. I appreciate your intent and observations.

          7. Asp Emp says:

            Thank you HG, for your words 🙂

          8. Asp Emp says:

            I really liked what you have said. It’s really touching to see what you have to say. Bless you TS x

          9. Truthseeker6157 says:

            Good, Let’s get on with it then, the bit where we actually put our knowledge and empathic skills into practice.

            Long term readers that are happy to donate time and help out with the suggestions above namely points 3,4 &5 lets commit to it now. Please just add a comment that says “I’m in” then we know how many pairs of hands we have in support.

            Narcsite is growing, let’s support that with our time and grow AAF in the process.

          10. Truthseeker6157 says:

            Thank you Asp xx

          11. Asp Emp says:

            You’re welcome TS. I’m in. I know I’m still new to the blog, not sure if it counts but I’ve achieved so much since finding my way here. Thank you for your suggestions as above. X

          12. Z - zwartbolleke says:

            I’m in TS!

          13. FYC says:

            TS, You make many good points and I found your interest in the AAF and that of Fiddleress and others very inspiring.

            I am active in fundraising for a few causes dear to me, and this is an especially challenging time for all people and charities due to the global pandemic and the resulting economic effects. The needs are greater than ever, and this is certainly true for Angels. Fundraising typically follows a well-established set of behavior. Here are some statistics averaged across the US and UK:

            * Approximately 70% of the population gives something to some cause.
            * Approximately 70% of all donations are made by individuals.
            * On average, those that give typically support 4.5 charities/causes.
            * Less than 10% off all giving is made online (possibly higher this year due to the pandemic). Approximately 25% of that made on a mobile device.
            * Approximately 12% of all giving goes to human/social issues.
            * A majority of donations are made only once.
            * Approximately 5% of donors become regular donors to their charities.
            * Approximately 90% of all funds raised come from approximately 10% of all donors.
            * Approximately 35% of all giving happens in the last three months of the year (of that, 15% happens in the last three days.
            * Online givers prefer videos and approximately 60% who watch the video will go on to make a donation.
            * Online givers prefer a dedicated donation page that provides all the information and are 70% more likely to give a second time when this is available.

            Perhaps a dedicated page for giving that includes Angel stories (slider) and a video montage (would not have to review identities – much like fund raising for battered women does not use victims) would increase understanding of the greater need, how HG’s expert help is provided, and how his help has changed lives. This could be linked to HG’s social media. Potential donors are three times more likely to give when they are emotionally engaged with the topic.

            We have the emotional and intellectual engagement from the readers. I understand not all readers have available funds and many have concerns for their privacy. Others simply need more information before giving. We can supply this. I believe we can overcome some of the barriers to giving that you outline. Ultimately, we will likely fall under general statistical giving performance, but that will be exponentially greater than has been achieved at present (given the overall reader population and the ever-present demand). It’s worth discussion.

            HG, would it be possible, when you have time, to set up a private forum for interested supporters of the AAF to discuss some fund raising ideas? We have some powerfully capable people here that may have fantastic new ideas worthy of your consideration. Just a thought.

          14. HG Tudor says:

            I will consider doing so, FYC.

          15. Truthseeker6157 says:

            Z, Asp,

            Z thank you for voicing support, you have KHG that you absolutely love, so many readers are curious about HG, I think those sleepless nights might just come in handy x

            Asp, everyone counts. New to the blog is your selling point. It feels reassuring to hear from someone newer sometimes. You are vocal, warm and funny. You count all right !

            I still have lots to learn and many are far more advanced in their learning and recovery than than me too. I can still help though, so can you Asp 😎

          16. Asp Emp says:

            Thank you TS, good to know. I’m glad you didn’t make it sound as if I am a bull in a china shop 😉 It’s been a really long time since anyone said that I am warm – I’m certainly vocal LOL. Thank you. KTN has actually freed me of the ‘crap’ that I had not been able to ‘fathom’ ever since I was young – so that is partly why I want to help. X

          17. Renarde says:

            LEM

            Great post. I utterly get your view however I disagree.

            I think what Hg takes for his work remains his.

            He’s doing more than enough as it is.

          18. lickemtomorrow says:

            Renarde, I appreciate you agreeing with me, and I think you misread what I said in terms of HGs work. I was suggesting adding an additional amount to the cost to be deducted afterwards as a donation to the AAF. You know how you get special offers at times where say for example with every bottle of water you buy a portion of what you spend will be donated to a particular charity. So, I pay $2.50 for a bottle of water and 50 cents will go to a nominated charity. I still want the bottle of water, and I’m willing to pay the extra 50 cents knowing that it’s going to a worthy cause. With the quality of the material HG offers and the price he offers it at, I doubt too many people would baulk at paying the extra 50 cents, $1.00 or whatever small amount it might be.

            HG did say it might take more of his time to administrate, so that is the downside considering how much he has to do already. Only HG could weigh up whether an occasional drive of this kind or permanent fixture would be worth the effort in the long run. In the meantime we have a very sensible suggestion to be going on with 🙂

          19. Truthseeker6157 says:

            FYC,

            Thank you for posting the stats. Those are interesting. I can see exactly why they are as they are and the reasons behind each statistic.

            There is no doubt that many of us want to get behind AAF and promote it. My concern is for HG and the additional workload it creates without guaranteed return. We can’t post, edit or produce content for the site. So ultimately our ideas fall to HG to action. I struggle with that a bit if I’m honest. His focus has to be on growing the readership of his material. We can’t reach people otherwise. So my thinking was if we could share the load in other ways, then some of this saved time could go towards the AAF posts and management. I think you are exactly right in your suggestions on the posts. Trust will be a factor and your suggestions for the AAF section of the site are a way round that. I was really happy to hear HG mention AAF on his Ultra channel. It has real value and HG clearly recognised that.

            The camaraderie element is important too. We trust because trust has been built over time and through interactions we have had with HG and each other. I didn’t trust HG at the start. No surprises there ha ha! My first email for my NDC made me very twitchy. Not now, trust has been earned but, it’s a very real consideration for newer readers. So AAF will naturally grow over time anyway as trust and confidence of new readers grows. We have a very real part to play in that. Interaction with new readers holds huge healing benefits and ensures we remain familiar with HG’s material for our own recovery maintenance. NA made a great point about us leaving reviews and testimonials for the material we purchase. If we can signpost articles -K is absolutely amazing with posting article links for example- direct to relevant KV packages, welcome, answer questions that we are confident in answering, it should save valuable time. Our responses still have to be moderated but it’s a skim read to check, not a long read to answer. This has to save time over all. Time that can be channeled elsewhere for the benefit of all including those accessing AAF.

          20. HG Tudor says:

            Well stated, TS. My material and expertise is unrivalled, however for it to be adopted by others it requires your recommendation and endorsement.

          21. Asp Emp says:

            Are you referring to something like copyright law / the use of property RE: endorsement? Pardon me if I’m wrong 🙂

          22. HG Tudor says:

            No, AE, by endorsing my work you increase its legitimacy to others who may approach it with trepidation.

          23. Asp Emp says:

            Thank you, kind Sir for responding. I understand. Similar to reactions from a couple of friends of mine when I told them about my ‘therapy’ – and what other therapy offers so much learning & laughs & freedom to speak?

          24. FYC says:

            TS, I suggested a forum because there is no other anonymous way for us to collaborate at the moment. If HG feels it would prove to be more time intensive for him than productive, there would be no reason to have one. I feel a forum would offer many an opportunity to brainstorm their ideas and concerns. By doing this, these can be addressed. It’s all about creating a net positive outcome. I will trust HG will make the right call either way.

            Speaking of the issue of trust, having grown up with familial Ns I was far more reticent to trust than you. It took much longer. I was a reader for a year. Now, I have engaged with HG for two years. Not just on the blog, but for a variety of matters. At all times, HG has been confidential, gracious, exceedingly helpful, straightforward, forthright, humorous and understanding. Dare I say, his cognitive empathy is phenomenal and surprisingly exceeds the emotional empathy for some people. His insight and intellect never disappoints. HG has taught me a great deal on so many levels. He has earned my trust within the context of the blog and it’s aim. In general, my trust is difficult to obtain. I can assure you, I am most cautious and private. I share this only because it may be helpful for others who are cautious.

          25. Truthseeker6157 says:

            FYC, totally see your thinking with the forum. A bespoke place for regular readers to share ideas on this one subject less publicly.

            That’s very worth stating too about it taking a while for you to fully trust. The word psychopath is scary in itself that’s before you consider the history and state of mind of people arriving here. It takes time to understand that HG is wholeheartedly in our corner and is dead set on us winning and defeating the narcissist for good. He has caught me spiralling down on more than one occasion, and it’s then you properly realise,’Ok, in this context, in this place or in consultation, this man is professional, this man is firmly in my corner.’ Oh, and he can be quite funny too sometimes. The action man conversation was a particular favourite of mine ha ha.

          26. FYC says:

            TS, Thank you for sharing that, I can relate. At this point, my feelings about HG are these: 1) respect for what he is doing here and for his brilliant mind and his many impressive skills and his generosity to all his readers; 2) gratitude for all I have learned from him and all that this has changed for me and for everyone; 3) affinity, because he understands who we are and what we deal with better than anyone; 4) empathy and compassion, because he has survived so much and prevails; and 5) concern for HG and his IPPSs and others for as a consequence of his fury and need for negative fuel–my feeling is fury takes a toll on all it touches. Lastly, 6) conflicted/resigned, because knowing all that we know now, it still cannot change anyone’s core traits. Acceptance is crucial. Once achieved, the knowledge we gain here can applied with great effect.

            As for HG being a narcissistic psychopath, this informs us of many things, but it is not the NPD/APD you know as a reader that you need to fear, it is the one you are unaware of in your real life that you need to fear and GOSO with the help of HG. I’m so thankful HG help us identify the traits of the narcissist and psychopath with such precision. You simply can’t find that accurate information anywhere else. Even the ever-evolving field of psychology cannot agree on APD/NPD personalities. HG knows both on every level and is keenly aware. We are fortunate to be the beneficiaries of his knowledge and awareness. Lastly, I’d like to remind the readers that HG cares greatly for his legacy and will not jeopardize what is his for anyone. Especially a reader he does not know and will never meet. KTN and the AAF is a win-win for all.

          27. FYC says:

            Oh boy, sorry for the many typos! I should have reread that before I hit send.

          28. Truthseeker6157 says:

            Well said FYC, brilliantly stated and explained, hopefully many newer readers will get to see your post and feel reassured enough to comment where they might not have done so.

          29. JB says:

            LET, not sure if I am replying in the right place, but hopefully you will see this! I think this is a great idea. It would work well for those who are unable to donate without it being noticed at home, but a book purchase with the extra £1 being added on would slip through more easily.

            By the way, I did reply to your long message yesterday, but I don’t think HG has had chance to moderate it yet! Not that I blame him, he must be inundated with messages on here! 🙂

          30. FYC says:

            TS, you are so sweet. Thank you. x

          31. lickemtomorrow says:

            JB, I think HG must be inundated with msgs on this topic because I had to scroll way up to get to the reply option, but I’ll respond and hope this gets through.

            I hadn’t even thought of the ‘out of the box’ option where people could make a purchase of a book and the donation not being visible as part of that option if something extra is added to the cost. Thank you for pointing that out. I’m also glad others pointed out their difficulty in that respect in terms of purchases. I hadn’t thought about that either. There are a number of issues when it comes to finances that may not affect us all, so it’s good for people to speak up about what might be preventing them. Control being a big issue with the narcissist as well may mean that any still entangled will find their every move and purchase questioned. Some things may be able to go under the wire and that is what we hope for those who have no other choice in terms of receiving assistance.

            Lots of great thoughts here and ideas for offering support. Thanks again for your input and I am only getting to the comments now, too, so hopefully I will see your other as I work my way through them x

          32. JB says:

            LET, it’s difficult to maintain complete anonymity if finances have been joined and/or taken complete control of by the narcissist. Even making a book purchase might not go unnoticed. I think the key thing is to have a variety of options available, and for one to be extremely mindful when calling upon others to donate etc, so nobody feels pressured or like they have (yet again) failed to meet with expectations.

            By the way, my long comment has now gone through. Hope you manage to see it, you’re right about the positioning of the reply option!

            On that note, how do you ‘like’ posts on here? When I attempt to, it only lets me if I set up a Word Press account?

        2. K says:

          Thank you Truthseeker6157
          Whatever it takes to help out, you can count on me.

          In my world, HG is more trustworthy than cops, priests and those Do-Gooder-Wanna-bes that go to church and volunteer at PTO, however, I do understand why you and others would be hesitant to trust him initially.

          1. HG Tudor says:

            Thank you K.

          2. Truthseeker6157 says:

            K,

            You were the first commenter to speak to me when I arrived. Did you know that? Things like that stick in my head. A few comments in, you explained the dungeon to me ha ha!

            I knew you would be, the old guard has been around paying it forward far longer than me on Narcsite, thank you for voicing your support though. Don’t set me off on PTO and alpha moms, we’ll be here all day!

          3. K says:

            You are welcome HG.

          4. K says:

            My pleasure Truthseeker6157
            Hahahahaha…I remember! Did you ever get Spanked?!! I did!

            All Newbies get a break until you get your ET under control. There are Dirty Angels everywhere, just when you think it’s safe, one of them pops up like Whac-A-Mole.

            https://narcsite.com/2020/05/03/i-second-that-emotion-11/

          5. Truthseeker6157 says:

            K, Did I ever get spanked? You are asking if I, la Chercheuse de Vérité accessed Spanked?! Mais bien sûr! Sorry, Renarde tells me I have a deviance so I decided to give aforementioned deviance a French persona. In short, hell yeah!

        3. K says:

          Truthseeker6157
          Excellent! Everyone should get Spanked. There’s nothing wrong with a little Deviance; it spices things up a bit. We can’t be beige all the time; it’s boring.

      2. Eternity says:

        I have donated a sum to the AAF.
        It doesn’t take much to help one
        another in need .You cant even but a pack of gum for $1

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Thank you for doing so.

          1. Eternity says:

            My pleasure HG!

    2. Eternity says:

      I agree, one dollar a day can keep the Narc Away.

      1. lickemtomorrow says:

        I like it! Very catchy, Eternity 😉

        1. Eternity says:

          Thank you so much !

  17. Fiddleress says:

    Thank you for this post, HG.
    Made a symbolical donation today to join the thousands and thousands out there who will jcontribute today and regularly from now on (please do, silent readers in particular).
    More will follow.

  18. K says:

    Excellent idea Fiddleress!
    I have made a donation and will continue to do so on the 18th of each month.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Well done K, more people should follow your lead.

      1. K says:

        Thank you HG,
        If I had to pay a dollar a day to access your blog, I wouldn’t hesitate to do so. I have been here long enough and have learned so much from you and all the Readers.

        Newbies get a free pass for the first year. ET is a bitch and they really need help.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Thank you K. The fact remains that thousands digest hundreds of free articles, receive free answers from questions and do not donate one solitary dollar.

          1. K says:

            My pleasure HG. It’s mind-boggling; I just don’t understand the mindset. One dollar a month isn’t going to break the bank.

          2. HG Tudor says:

            No, it is not, but still they take and never put back. It is the same people, every time.

          3. Renarde says:

            I know.

          4. Renarde says:

            Hg

            I know you work so hard. I know it grinds your gears.

            Please folks. So.much is being given for free. A dollar even every month still helps. It can help a person who might be close to death.

            If we ARE Angel’s we are honour bourne to act like them.

            So let’s do that and give our halos a good old polish!

            Ren
            X

          5. HG Tudor says:

            Thank you Renarde.

    2. blackcoffee30 says:

      Did you set up recurring payment? Like thru PayPal?

      1. K says:

        blackcoffee30
        Yes, that is what I did. It is great because you don’t even have to think.

      2. Renarde says:

        I’ve just been pondering that point recently. It is possible then?

        1. K says:

          Yes, Renarde it is possible. I have been doing it for quite some time now.

    3. Fiddleress says:

      Thank you K!

      To expand on the 18th October being a bad anniversary for narcex, AND as an incentive for the silent majority who have not yet got into the habit of donating: that date is when the narc’s previous IPPS before me escaped from him; something to celebrate, in honour of all appliances who have ever escaped, or even been discarded, since that was their lucky day.

      You can also see it as a collective fund: you donate for others, but it is also a way of contributing for yourself should your own need for financial help arise in the future, in dealing with a situation with a narcissist,
      And quite simply, anyone with emotional empathy will be able to put themselves in the shoes of others who are in need.
      The administrative aspect entails more work for HG, as he has explained, and this in itself is incredibly generous on his part. Readers in the past asked for this fund to exist. It needs to live on.
      Come on, people, show what it means to be empathetic! You will help change, and save, lives.

      1. K says:

        My pleasure Fiddleress!

        (bastardization of Paul Revere’s Ride by H. W. Longfellow)

        On the eighteenth of October, in Seventy-five:
        Hardly an empath is now alive
        Who remembers that famous day and year.

        If the Narcissists march tonight
        Hang a lantern aloft in the belfry arch
        One, if by land, and two if by sea;
        And I on the opposite shore will flee (escape)!

        I agree; it is a collective fund and I wouldn’t hesitate to use it, if needed (that’s logic). AAF was also mentioned on the Ultra so more people may need to access it and we should make sure they are able to do so.

  19. Intrepid Traveller says:

    I have dropped Prime and Audible from my direct debits. Mr Bezo has 1 second’s less worth of money for a more worthy angel instead.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Well done.

  20. Renarde says:

    Fiddleress

    Well said. I will arrange my finances and give a regular contribution.

    I urge others to do the same. It really does help.

  21. Truthseeker6157 says:

    HG, donation bar. Drop to $1 minimum please?

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