Why Being Smeared Affects You More Than Others
I have previously explained some of the forms that the smear campaign takes and also why they are so effective. Now I turn to the six reasons why they affect somebody like you so much. Smear campaigns are a constant in the arsenal of the narcissist. Effective, utilised through word of mouth and with the capacity to envelop several people at once who in turn perpetuate the smear, the smear campaign is a favoured manipulation of our kind. Here are six reasons why they affect you so much.
- Denial of assistance
The smear campaign is usually utilised during devaluation and on the cusp of discard. Its timing is such that you will more likely than not find yourself in a position of desperation, fatigue and confusion. Battered and buffeted by our manipulations through the devaluation period,you are in a poor position to defend yourself never mind having to defend your reputation with others. Once the discard hits you and knocks you for six, you are in need of considerable assistance. You need somebody to help you make sense of what has just happened. You need somebody to listen to you as you pore over the relationship and try to piece together (usually unsuccessfully) the cause of your fall from grace and subsequent discard. You will need assistance on practical items such as money, paying bills, eating, child care, washing and cleaning in some of the more extreme cases where your ability to function has been hammered. When your need for external assistance is at its highest, you find that those who you thought you could rely on to help you have been poisoned. Friends become unobtainable or suddenly busy with other commitments. Family are sceptical about helping you since they think you have brought it on yourself and they are even ashamed of your supposed behaviour. Colleagues are not inclined to assist someone who has been painted the way you have. These people disappear, turn their backs or even worse ally with our kind and the help and assistance you so desperately need has been taken away from you. This furthers your isolation, your pain and your distress. It also reduces your capability to address the nature of the smear campaign and neutralise it.
- The Corruption of the Truth
You abide by the truth. You speak it and live by it. Yes, you may tell the odd white lie but you are a paragon of virtue compared to our mendacious and repeated untruths. You believe in the truth and you need others to know that you are an honest and truthful person. You base your life on having honest dealing with people, both towards them and from them. It has been an horrendous enough experience dealing with our lies that we told time and time again to you, but it becomes even worse when you are being lied about. You may have reached the conclusion that we are well-practised liars and that is the way we are but to have your own reputation impugned and your character stained as a liar is anathema to you. This causes distress and the fact you know that other people are believing a lie about you will have a damaging effect on you and we know this full well.
- Frustration
You feel a huge sense of frustration that your reputation is being smeared but added to that is the frustration that people are actually believing what is being said about you. You are surprised and dismayed that people are falling for what we are saying about you. You are disappointed in those people who you thought would know better than to be taken in by what we have said. You really ought to know by now that just as oyu were taken in by our charm and seduction, so have they. Did you really expect them to respond any differently when you did not? The difficulty is, is that you know the truth about the lies being spun about you and you desperately want others to see through this but they do not. You understand why, because we base the smear on a grain of truth, we magnify and manipulate and twist and warp the truth so that people are deceived in an expert fashion but nevertheless you really though that people who you could rely on would see through this tissue of lies, this web of deceit. The frustration at this overhwhelms you and adds to the distress of the situation as a whole.
- The Lack of Control
We hate losing control. Most people do not like to lose control because this causes distress, anxiety and apprehension. If something bad happens and you are able to at least do something to address it, counter it or mitigate its effect you automatically feel better. However, if you are swept along on a tide by a force over which you can exert no control, the sense of helplessness is massive. You are made to feel like this because when the smear campaign commences your coping ability has been hugely reduced. We however are at the top of our game, calling the shots and orchestrating everything with considerable effectiveness. You do not truly understand why it is happening, why we are behaving like this and moreover why people believe what we are saying. You feel as if you have no control over the progression and outcome of the smear campaign and this increases its effectiveness in terms of how it affects you.
- Keeping Up Appearances
Related to the corruption of the truth. Whereas the corruption of the truth alarms you because of the way that a central quality which you adhere to and believe in is being damaged, the smear campaign is also damaging how people think about you. You are not a person who is immersed in pride. You are neither vain nor conceited but you still want people to think well of you because you are a good and decent person. You just want people to know what you are and to have them told that you are something contrary to your actual appearance becomes especially upsetting for you.
- The Hammer to Your Reputation
Not only is your character and outward appearance as a good and honest person shattered and dented by the smear campaign, the effects of a smear campaign often go further. Your professional integrity is called into question with ramifications for your job, career advancement and livelihood. Your standing in the community is adversely affected which could have repercussions where you hold positions of trust and authority. If you have to be licensed by the authorities in some way, a smear campaign can place that in jeopardy. You may lose friends, your family may distance themselves from you but the repercussions of a smear campaign can infect your professional life, your income, your integrity and your standing. You are made to feel like a pariah and you may lose clients and customers, the backing of your superiors, be regarded as an albatross to an organisation. People are obsessed with appearances and if you become a PR nightmare not only is your personal life hammered by the smear campaign your professional and business standing is also.
12 thoughts on “Why Being Smeared Affects You More Than Others”
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# 2. A possibility
# 3. Oh dear
# 4. Count to 10, breathe
# 6. Ehem
Dear Mr Tudor,
We are smeared big time !
Our son came over tonight to announce he got engaged !
I can barely write my email address for here
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Just what I need, a stupid new creepy avatar that looks a cross between a spider, Madam Zerona, Jack Frost and finding where X is !
I had to come back to this Bubbles. Are you saying your son who’s involved with a female narc has now become engaged to her? And fallen further into her trap? That must be devastating and I can only imagine the sense of helplessness that goes along with it. I’m glad you have Mr. Bubbles for support and an ongoing sense of sanity. You can only hope you son is able to apply that sense of sanity sooner rather than later. This is the place to be to get the support you need in the meantime x
Dearest lickemtomorrow,
Thank you so much lovely for your comment and support
Our empath son is gay, his partner is a narc and yes, he’s fallen further into his trap and they’re now engaged ! Our son also made it known last night he’s in therapy over this !
Everyone THEY know, thinks we’re horrible and aweful for not forgiving the narc and the narc has smeared us all ……..however, there’s always two sides to the story ……they’ve only heard one !
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
My mistake, Bubbles x And is he in therapy over their relationship or the situation it has created with you all? I’m sure you must be wondering about the therapist and if they have a clue about the narcissistic dynamic in the relationship. Or if they will uncover it. If they do, could be more back up for you. It must be devastating to watch the unfolding situation, and worse still look like the bad guys in the situation who people are assuming are not supportive thanks to the narc. There are definitely always two sides to the story, and the narc will try to make sure yours isn’t heard. Ah, Bubbles, I really hope your son gets the right kind of support with regards to his therapy and things work out in his and your favour x
Dearest lickemtomorrow,
Not all all lovely !
Our son’s therapy is ‘mainly’ due to the ‘situation’ created (they’ve always had on/off issues) which has led to a fallout with the narc over absolute disrespect and appalling behaviour ‘mainly’ to myself and Mr Bubbles, but also including the rest of the family. We welcomed the narc with open arms, was supportive, caring and he was like another son to us and very much part of the family
The narc is now saying ‘I’m’ the one who’s manipulative in this scenario ……how ironic, but not surprising, as we all know, this is what the narc does, turns the behaviour around to make us look the bad ones
I doubt narcissistic behaviour will be discussed in therapy, it never usually is
The narc has been on the gravy train the whole time, our son is the main breadwinner
Financials play a huge role here, so does, alcohol and drugs
I’ve just read six women’s real life stories of financial abuse in last weeks paper and not once was the word narcissist mentioned !!!
The narc is a total drama queen (they’ve been together over 7 years)
His pathetic mere apology (forced on by our son) doesn’t even begin to compensate for what he did
I remember when I got engaged and announced it to my mother, she slapped me across the face …….hard !
We were very cautious in handling this recent and sudden announcement the other night
We conveyed ‘we were happy, if it made him happy’ and being an adult , it’s his chosen path in life, not ours, however, the narc remains unwelcome
He now has to contemplate his options:-
He can either disassociate himself from the family altogether and go with the narc or he can continue with his family, flying solo (which he has been doing for the last three years) when the situation occurred
The choice is his !
I would not have been able to handle this as effectively, had I had not come across Mr Tudor, his knowledge and his tools to cope (thank you)
It’s very draining, heartbreaking and we’re seriously too old for all this, but we love our son ! You can see the writing on the wall and there’s not much we can do about it …… especially with a narc involved !
Whatever we say, it’s being heard, but not sinking in, because we are all repeating ourselves …. we live in hope !
Thank you lickemtomorrow for caring 💕…… it means heaps
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Hi Bubbles, thank you for sharing more of your story. You have been more than patient with your son’s partner by the sounds of things and whatever happened three years ago appears to have been the straw that broke the camel’s back. This final drawing the line in the sand could be the push your son needs, but the fact of his engagement means the narc is drawing him in the other direction. And no doubt it would suit the narc perfectly to separate your son from his family permanently. I’m sure you son knows you’d be there for him if/when he can finally break away from the narc. Unfortunately it doesn’t sound like the therapy is going to hold out much hope for now. My heart goes out to you all. We know what it’s like to be entangled with a narcissist and how hard it is to get away. Or even understand that’s what you need to do. It is fortunate indeed that you found HG and his work is a monumental help in beginning to untangle it all and know what needs to be done. I really hope your son at some stage is able to grasp some of that knowledge x
Your mother sounds like a nightmare! I can’t believe what she did to you. It’s the complete opposite of what you have been able to do for your son in the circumstances. The kind of love you displayed won’t go to waste, Bubbles xox
Dearest Renarde,
You’re very welcome
The narc did convey he felt he had no ‘legal rights’ to our son a while ago, hence now the engagement!! I did mention a defacto couple does !
The narc is a quiet, secretive, underhanded, manipulating, covert type and our son is the co dependent and they recently moved further away from us and closer to the narcs side of the family …….funny about that !
We haven’t heard from our son since the announcement …….probably seeking further therapy sessions, no doubt
The only way to continue, is keeping emotional levels at bay and boundaries cemented
We all (the family) stand firm in our decision and will continue to do so
It tears me to pieces to see our son grieve so, but he needs to understand the position his partner put the family in, in the first place
My mother is another story………haha
You’re a loving caring person lickemtomorrow and I appreciate your comforting support …… many thanks precious one ☺️
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Dear lickemtomorrow,
Oops slips !!!!! ……sorry sweet pea, wrong name, please forgive me ….. I was replying to Renarde on another post……that’s what happens when you try to answer everyone at the same time 😉
I hope that misdemeanour doesn’t send me to the dungeon or reciting three Hail HG’s 🤣
Luv Bubbles xx 😘