Protection

PROTECTION

I am just a baby in your arms. I am fragile, brittle and vulnerable. You see I was broken when I was so, so young. I did not know any different and all I wanted was to be told that I was good. I did everything I could to please them but it was never deemed enough. I don’t know why I could not make them love me but it just did not happen. Perhaps if I had tried harder. I know it is my fault really but I did not know any better. They took something from me, I still do not know what it really is, but I think you do. I think you hold the answer because of who you are.

I try to be a good person, I really do but there is just something that stops me from being that decent and compassionate person.  I see what you and people like you do and I cannot help but wish I was the same. Sometimes I want it so much it makes me do things I should not do because I cannot control the jealousy that rises and makes me do those Bad Things. Believe me, I fight against it but I have not had the strength to defeat the wickedness but I have you now don’t I?

You will shield me and give me the fortitude I require to complete my journey to redemption. Everything that has happened before was borne out of me lacking you. Those things that I have done, well, I am not proud of them but I was weak and knew no better. I did not have you to lead and guide me. The others, you see, those others promised me that they would take care of me but they were just pretenders and charlatans who took from me and left me twisted and beaten in the dust.

Sometimes I had to fight back. That was when I struck out at them. I did not want to, truly I did not want to do those things, but sometimes I was given no choice. I know all that has gone now because you are here. You are the person I have waited for for so long. I believe in you and how you can save me. You are my caretaker, my salvation and my rock. I look to you and you give me such hope. You show me that there is a better way, a road that leads to salvation.

It is a road that will take me away from the Badlands and the darkness. I understand the road may be long, it may wind through difficult places but ultimately, with you holding my hand, I know that I will reach that place where I need not be afraid any longer. I need not hurt and lash out but instead I can harness the real goodness that is somewhere deep inside me.

You told me that it is there and I believe you. You know about these things. That is the way you have been made. You are the carer, the healer and the peacemaker. You must understand why it is that you are so special to me. You are the only one who truly understands what is to be me and you are the only one who can save me.

I will place my heart in your hands and let you care for it. I have been broken, I have been broken for far too long, a shattered and fractured creature who has had to endure living this way without any hope of redemption, until you came along. Please, make me a better person. Please care for me and nurse me and hold my hand when the demons come. I look to you and only you and in those optimistic eyes of yours I find absolution.

All I want is to be loved. It is not too much to ask is it. I am a noble yet broken person and you hold the power to make me what I want to be, what I should be. I am like a baby in your arms. I am vulnerable yet with you there anything becomes possible. I know you will love me, care for me and protect me. You will save me. You are the only one.

You fall for this speech.

Every time.

18 thoughts on “Protection

  1. A Victor says:

    This article makes me queasy, I’ve come to it several times, read a bit and had to move on. Not really sure why. Maybe because using actual vulnerabilities and our empathic natures against us is just overwhelming right now. Or using them to bond with us as experiences common between us. I don’t know, just a tough one.

  2. Eternity says:

    Couldnt this article be considered to be viewed in both the Empath and the Narcissist?

    1. Asp Emp says:

      Good consideration – however, an empath would not state “You fall for this speech” or “Every time”.

      1. Eternity says:

        Oh god no! Not the ending for sure .We would never say that

  3. leelasfuelstinks says:

    Boom! Attacking the empathic traits with full power! Ouch!

  4. lickemtomorrow says:

    It’s a beautiful speech.

    Too bad about the caveat.

    We have been warned.

  5. Witch says:

    “You will shield me and give me the fortitude I require to complete my journey to redemption. Everything that has happened before was borne out of me lacking you. ”

    The starters haven’t even come yet dude, chill!

  6. Gina says:

    The most convincing lies contain truth.

    1. Summer says:

      Amen to that Gina

  7. Asp Emp says:

    On occasion in the past, if I felt I could not ‘trust’ someone, I would build-up the wall around me and leave that person at a ‘distance’. I had always felt like that but it became worse after last year’s experiences. I now understand, it was because of my own ‘darkness’.

    So, I can relate to this article – it’s lack of trust that one won’t be let down. Again. (RE: articles ‘Regrets’, ‘To Control Is To Cope’, ‘Don’t Fail Me’ & ‘Hiding From Yourself’).

    1. Duchessbea says:

      AspEmp, I know exactly where you are coming from. I have done the same. Funny thing is it helped spot a ‘wrong one’ from a mile away.

      1. Asp Emp says:

        Good to know that you understand. Yes, educating oneself is part of life-long learning 🙂

    2. Fiddleress says:

      Asp Emp,
      I know what you mean about building that wall. I do that too. I did even more so when I was younger. It didn’t stop me hurting, but it certainly stopped the people I didn’t trust from really knowing me, and therefore from knowing HOW to hurt me, in case they would want to do that on purpose. (Did I just sound slightly paranoid, there? Haha, maybe.)

      You have mentioned your ‘darkness’ several times; would you mind expanding on this, please? I’m interested, and I am not sure what you mean (apologies if you have explained before and I missed it).

      1. Asp Emp says:

        Hello Fiddleress 🙂

        Thank you for sharing your own experiences in relation to the ‘wall building’ around yourself.

        My own ‘darkness’ was my own ‘creature’ but I did not end up being a total narcissist yet I display strong narcissist trait of anger / also combined with my aspergers (tendency to flick into anger quickly). Narcissist mother’s abuse (violence, alcohol, verbal, mental, emotional – also towards my younger sister), father’s passing when 9 years old, going away to school, oh loads of traumas and no nurturing / protection / guidance (grandmother lived too far away). I was able to understand when I read HG’s article – link is below…..

        https://narcsite.com/2020/11/16/the-creature-6/

        My comment 16th Nov “A really good insight to understanding what a narcissist fights every day, why they need ‘control’ and ‘fuel’. Provoking a different way into seeing why a narcissist behaves; acts and thinks differently than empaths. This article also helped me understand aspects of myself. During the lockdowns because of covid could and would make things more difficult for some narcissists to be able to cope with their ‘creature’ – remember around 95% out of 1.3 billion people worldwide of narcissists do not know what they are….. (figures are a rough guide – noone knows & will never know the actual figures – The Ultra Framework video provides more info on this).”

        (thanks HG for moderating this)

        1. Fiddleress says:

          Thank you for explaining, Asp Emp. What you had to go through as a child, with your mother, is horrible. I can relate too, though my mother didn’t drink too much.

          When I first saw your blog name, I did think it could refer to Asperger’s. I learnt about Asperger’s as part of training for my job.

          I wondered if I was a narcissist before taking the empath detector, as many non-narcissists do apparently, because I can fly off the handle too (among other things)! But this usually happens when I see injustice.
          I had listened to ‘The Creature – An Introduction’. It made me sad, because I can be a real wimp at times (that’s what I call my over-empathic side when it manifests itself, it is not always there!), but I think it is essential to listen to it, it gives such important insight.
          Thanks again, AE 🙂

          1. Asp Emp says:

            Thank you so much for your response Fiddleress. Brilliant to read that you learnt about aspergers – so you can understand me a bit better (laughing but delighted). Injustice – yup agree with you on that one. I don’t usually say much & am quiet about it – not! (laughing). I am really pleased that you have ‘”met” the creature – it is a really important & great insight into understanding a narcissist’s ‘daily fight’. I am glad to have given you some clarification and it is really good to know that you have an understanding about me as a person. Bless you for that x

          2. Fiddleress says:

            Hey Asp Emp, I’m glad that my response made you feel good! The person who taught us about Asperger’s was really nice, and she told us about the bright sides too. I am interested in all the different ways that humans experience the world and life in general. I love gaining insight into other people’s experiences and perspectives, which is why I find it so fascinating to learn about narcissism too, here – even if of course in the case of narcissism the aim is to protect ourselves.
            You are very welcome, Asp Emp 🙂

          3. Asp Emp says:

            Great reading what you had to say about Aspergers and the rest of your comment. Inspiring. Thank you 🙂

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