The 404 Narcissist
9 thoughts on “The 404 Narcissist”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
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… I was just about to type that this phenomenon, HG, is to me the least problematic one of all features of the narcissist.
But then I realize that these 404 moments in the parent, are probably what causes a lot of trauma and confusion to children. It’s as if nobody was there.
“Who is going to help me?”
PatriNarc gets it more or less right: 😉
Me: “Daaaaad, I´m sick” 🙁
PatriNarc: “oh, no! Go to bed, have a rest” (tone is angry and cold though)
But of course not without blame: “That´s why you always run around barefoot/do not put on warm clothes/are a chaotic eater/did not take enough care”
After a while:
PatriNarc: “How are you? How do you feel?” (but tone is angry and cold)
PatriNarc hates it when someone is sick, he gets angry but at least he gets it more or less right. 😀 😉
Yes, saw that too.
Me: “This is not right. People are suffering”
Narc: ……..? 0_0
Me: “What will happen to those people?”
Narc: ….? 0_0
Me:”We should do something about it!”
Narc: …? 0_0
And even funnier is when they get it wrong after 0_0
Hahaha!
Yes I’ve seen that response in both ex Narcs, one a L and one a MR. Both when ive been struggling with something I’ve had the blank. They don’t offer help and if you ask for help the lesser would rage the MR would tut. In fact a rarely asked for help.
My father said the lesser would not cross the road to piss on you if you were on fire.
I could be talking to the MR and I could be met with a blank face in return like he was waiting for a punchline that didn’t arrive.
Connected to the 404 I also think there is the odd response. Both would laugh inappropriately mainly at other people’s misfortunes.
I trapped my foot under the tailgate of a removal van and someone stood on the tailgate. I’m screaming for the guy to get off, my partner laughed! My foot blew up and bruised had to go to ED. He also laughed when he recounted swinging a golf club not realising his friend was behind him. Caused him concussion. The story made my toes curl. He laughed at the blood and concussion. Although I always felt uncomfortable and sort of laughed a bit I couldn’t work out why I felt it was wrong until I found narcissism.
MR was always telling tall stories and laughing at his own unfunny jokes that normally involved someone’s misfortune.
I have to share here. With my Aspergers, I do have what HG describes in this video, the moment of ‘the empty shelf in the warehouse’ and I can give an example of this. My neighbour (such a lovely couple – very generous, quiet, kind etc) interrupted me as I was typing something – she had delivered a Christmas card and some home-made chocolates – with an attached description as to what the chocolates contained. That put me into a moment of surprise at the generosity and the fact she spent time & effort into making the chocolates, which she is distributing to her neighbours. This is their 3rd Christmas as my neighbours. Anyway, the point I am making here, is the fact that if I am working on something, I sometimes need to ‘complete’ what I am doing so that I am not ‘lost’ as to where I was before I was distracted.
So it is not just narcissists that have the ‘404’ moment. However, narcissists do cause the ‘404’ moments in others – consciously or not consciously / instinctively or not – on purpose to gain back their ‘control’ or to obtain ‘fuel’. This was carried out by the narcissists at work.
Thank you for another excellent & insightful video, HG.
Thank you for sharing your experience with this Asp Emp, that is interesting and does remind me that it is through a set of behaviors, not just one, that we can possibly pick up on a narcissist. Word salad is another behavior that I have read that is used by people who are not necessarily narcs. Your candor is refreshing and informative, really appreciate it.
Brilliant to read your response and thank you.
You’re very welcome!