The Terrible Gas Lighting Twenty
You are familiar with gas lighting where we twist reality over and over again in order to create doubt. You begin to question yourself, doubt your recollection and feel like you are losing your sanity.
It is an insidious tactic and one which we always use in order to destabilise you and maintain our control and the upper hand. We change history, re-write what has happened and we will do so even when faced with what you think is incontrovertible truth and evidence. Our confidence and certainty in the way we approach this, combined with the patronising appearance of caring about your tired and failing mind is especially bewildering. Our aim is to cause you to question your reality so you much more readily accept the false reality that we create and operate in.
The Greater Narcissist consciously does this. We know what we are doing, why we are doing it and want the outcome of fuel and control – it is a calculated response on our part. Our narcissism compels this behaviour and our increased awareness allows us to plan it and revel in its success as we witness its impact on you. We know it is regarded as wrong, but we do not care and we see it is as necessary and justified to achieve our aims.
The Lesser and Mid-Range Narcissists do not calculate. It is an instinctive response borne out of their altered perspective. Their narcissism compels this behaviour although they do not see that they are doing anything wrong – indeed, their narcissism causes them to see what they are doing as a natural response to the antagonistic behaviours of the victim. It is the victim who is the problem, who is twisting reality and being awkward. The Lesser or Mid Range Narcissist truly believes their response is correct, right and justified – it is the victim who is manipulating, going mad or is forgetful and misremembering.
Here are twenty of our favourite phrases which are used to gas light you and in some instances allied with other forms of manipulation.
“It never happened.”
(Denial)
“You are lying.”
(Projection/Blameshifting)
“You imagined it.”
(Denial/Blameshifting)
“You haven’t remembered it correctly.”
(Blameshifting)
“Yes, you did do it because I remember distinctly.”
(Blameshifting/Assertion of Superiority)
“Are you calling me a liar?”
(Insult)
“If I look for it you had better hope I don’t find it. Oh, what’s this? Just where I said it would be.”
(Threat/Triangulation)
“I never told you to do that, why would I ever say that?”
(Denial)
“Your dad wouldn’t do that to you.”
(Triangulation)
“You are suffering from delusions, I think we need a doctor for you.”
(Projection/Triangulation/Insult)
“You like to cause an argument out of nothing don’t you?”
(Projection)
“You twist my words, I did not mean it like that.”
(Blameshifting)
“You never told me that at all, I would have remembered.”
(Blameshifting/Assertion of Superiority)
“Nobody likes you, they’ve all told me this.”
(Insult/Triangulation)
“You need help, it is caused by your anger problem.”
(Insult/Blameshifting/Projection)
“Why are you inventing things again? You are such an attention seeker.”
(Projection)
“That never happened.”
(Denial)
“Dear me, you always make things up, you’ve done it ever since you were a child.”
(Projection/Triangulation)
“We are just friends, you are reading too much into it.”
(Triangulation)
“That couldn’t possibly have hurt you, why are you saying it did?”
(Invalidation)
24 thoughts on “The Terrible Gas Lighting Twenty”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
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Dear Mr Tudor,
We should never 2nd guess or ever doubt ourselves
We got it right the first time
Don’t ever forget it !
Excellent article Mr Tudor, I can relate to most of those
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
“I was just kidding.” My thoughts on that: Nope you weren’t and don’t pretend that you were. You were serious and you know it. That one was used on me by more than one.
Oh yes those nice phrases when it comes to gas lighting:
Middle mid range type A:
“I never said that”
“You´re over reacting”
“You´re reading too much into the situation”
“You totally misunderstood it”
“Why do you have to make a drama about it?”
“That never happened”
Upper mid range:
“Can we talk about it without making a huge drama?”
“Look how you behave! I think you´re sick”
“You see? I am right! I´m always telling you the truth”
“Why don´t you accept other opinions?”
“I´m just telling you how it really is. You just can´t handle the truth”
“The truth hurts, doesn´t it?”
“You´re talking bullshit!Again!”
“What the heck are you talking about?”
Gawd, every time I hear “you can’t handle the truth” I think of Jack Nicholson 😛
Great selection to choose from there, Leela.
It was one of PatriNarcs favorites when he had to gas light me in order to escape accountability for his terrible behavior towards me. 😉
I’m sorry to hear that,, Leela. It’s the one of the comments you listed that irked me the most. I can’t imagine what it did to you. I’m afraid that one would bring out the worst in me in terms of my narcissistic traits. Big time!
Accusing others of not being able to handle the truth, knowing the narcissists truth is about as far from the truth as things can get (since their MO is based on lies and manipulation), is the height of hypocrisy. Of course, that’s not what they think. It’s a no win trying to challenge them based on the fact the majority don’t even know what they are and believe the lies they are telling.
It´s alright. Thanks to H.G. I am able now to fully understand PatriNarc. It´s not even his fault. I forgive him. This doesn´t change the fact that I am running around with mental wounds and scars. PatriNarc always used to assert control by “Believe me! I´m telling you the truth! Nobody dares, but I do! I´m brutally honest and tell you how it is. If you can´t handle that, it´s your fault”. Even back then, before I knew that he´s a narcissist, I always used to think “BULLSHIT!” when he came up like this. 😉
I love the fact you always used to think BULLSHIT! You might not have said it, but the fact you thought it means you had a handle on things. I love your strength, Leela. It’s very inspirational <3
Thank you very much, lickem! 🙂 I appreciate that a lot! And I am glad that I can inspire fellow Empaths! 🙂
I have no idea where this strength comes from: Does this go with being a Super Empath? Would LOVE to know more! H.G.? 😉
Sounds like it goes with being a SuperEmpath x
This is another article that is difficult for me to read. It brings back so many memories and I have just begun to get my mind around what gaslighting is, but here it’s right out there.
Why are Empaths so hated throughout the world? We care so much and we love so much. Why behave like this. Will it ever change?
Duchessbea – They’ve been smeared by one narc or another? Or worse they believed how the narc made them feel about themselves and became what the narc tried to reduce them into being.
Either way. Sad story.
Will it ever change? Depends. Empaths will never be adored most likely as they aren’t narcs and don’t have a need for such extremes. Yet if they can stop being victims, I imagine narcs will run out of fuel and there will be a re-balancing of sorts.
Narcissists as a whole will never run out of fuel.
Hg am I still allowed to post
I got a bit emotional about a political thing that I have no understanding of at all if I’m honest.
Sorry 😞
Kiki
Why would you not be allowed to post?
I made a bit of a snipey comment back to you about something stupid.
It was me stressing about other things in my life and I got my knickers in a twist over a comment.
Thank you HG , I really need to be here to keep my ET down , especially being in lockdown right now working from home.
Keep thinking the Narc just forgot I exist I know I know , my ET that’s why I need to be here
Kiki
Thank you for clarifying. Keep your knickers untwisted, twisted panties block the logic flow. Proven fact.
Thank you I shall 😂
Kiki
My comment last time this article was posted:
October 14, 2020
“Excellent examples of gaslighting. It’s a coincidence, I have just finished watching ‘Gaslight’ (1940 version as apparently it is more like the original play). There is one quote that made me take note and it is very descriptive “….being methodically driven out of your mind….”
“Gaslight” was one of the first movies I watched after I was done with my narc. It made sense when I watched it before, but watching it again with my burgeoning knowledge about narcissism made it so much more significant. It should be a mandatory movie in high school along with discussion around narcissism. Why don’t they remake that movie? They should.
LET, I agree, it should be part of the school curriculum – and include relationships. I suggested the 1940’s version of the film because of the original play. It was a good film to watch though…..
It’s an interesting fact that the expression ‘gaslighting’ comes from this movie. Because her husband would dim the gas lamps without her knowledge and that would make her think she was going mad. They were well lit and then they weren’t. With no explanation. But all along he knew what he was doing and that it would make her question herself and her sanity. Which all added up to him having more control. One of the narcissist’s Prime Aims.
If they could remake Rebecca, I don’t see why they couldn’t remake this one. Although we do see it in different forms in other movies. But often it won’t be called by its name. It’s just a factor among many others adding up to a thrilling movie for the most part. I want to say “call it by its name”. Take that tiger by the tail. Get the word on narcissism out there.
If I recall correctly, the husband was going upstairs and using the gas lights which dimmed the ones downstairs…… well, she was being driven mad, slowly until she got the better of him – all because he wanted the rubies. There are updated versions yet maybe with different titles / variations……. yes, it was a good film….