Something Doesn’t Feel Right



“I am left feeling I am not good enough”

“I am always waiting for him to call.”

“She never seems to listen to me.”

“I feel like I always have to respond straight away.”

“I do not feel settled.”

“I always feel like I am being scrutinised.”

“I feel like I am out of my depth.”

“I am always wondering whether he is serious or joking with me, I struggle to tell.”

“I cannot seem to think about anything other than him.”

“She makes me feel left out.”

“It seems like I am always running around after him.”

“I always feels like I have to please them.”

“I feel like I am on trial.”

“I find myself always having to explain myself.”

“It feels more like an obligation than a friendship.”

“I am often left wondering what is happening.”

“I am left feeling unsure of myself.”

“I feel like I am always on call for her.”

“I keep feeling jealous and that makes me feel bad.”

“I am anxious for him to leave her and be with me.”

“If I express an opinion I feel like I am being unfair in doing so.”

“It is great when we are together, but then am left feeling uncertain when we are apart.”

“I am sure he doesn’t mean to make me feel nervous, but I am.”

“I don’t think I am good enough.”

“I don’t want to let her down.”

“Nothing seems to bother him and I am such a worrier. I will put him off.”

“I don’t understand why he still keeps in touch with her, but I don’t feel I can say anything.”

“I am nervous I will mess this up and he is so wonderful.”

“It´s nothing specific, but there´s something that makes me uneasy. It is probably just me.”

Doubtless many of you will find some of the above comments will resonate with you.

You have been created with emotional empathy. This has formed the bedrock for your worldview and your perspective. This accords with a majority perspective and forms the basis for those subjective qualities of what is deemed as “good” and “bad”. Since you operate within the majority perspective it is your perspective of “good” and “bad” which prevails.

When you encounter something which contrasts with this majority perspective, you often do not see it as a clear, shining example. Instead, you have a “feeling” or a “gut instinct”. This is the manifestation of behaviour which clashes with your empathic world view. This is your alarm bell.

There are those of you whose alarm bell does not often ring at all, although you are limited in number. For most of those who are empathic, the alarm bell rings through some kind of feeling encapsulated by many of the phrases detailed above and more besides.

So far, so effective. You have an established worldview formed by your emotional empathy. When you encounter behaviour which contrasts with this empathic worldview, your alarm bell goes off. Where it is one of our kind (and it almost always is one of our kind) which has caused this alarm bell to sound, this is when the problem starts.

Your alarm bell sounds but you attribute it to the wrong cause.

You either think that the cause is an external reason for this alarm bell, such as

  • The individual is tired or exhausted
  • The individual is drunk
  • The individual is suffering from stress
  • The individual is suffering from grief or bereavement
  • The individual is under some kind of pressure
  • The individual suffers from anger management issues
  • The individual is highly strung

There are others besides.

The alternative is that you think the cause is an internal reason, namely your behaviour, such as

  • You are too sensitive
  • You have been hurt before
  • You are too direct
  • You think badly of people too quickly
  • You are too trusting
  • You were not listening
  • You judged too soon
  • You are tired, upset, stressed
  • You were insensitive to the needs of others
  • You were worried

There are others besides.

Accordingly, when your alarm bell rings, you end up attributing the sensation of something feeling wrong to either an external cause to that you are the problem.

This is incorrect.

It is akin to your burglar alarm going off and you think it was a passing cat or that you tripped the sensor yourself. It was the burglar.

Something which offends your worldview, offends the logic of your world. Your logic seeks to warn you by creating a feeling or a sensation (the alarm bell) so that you take action.

Unfortunately, two factors interfere in this warning system.

The first is a lack of understanding about the nature of the individual that is generating the behaviour which causes the alarm. The red flags that signal that it is a narcissist which is engaging in behaviours which are offending your worldview.

The second is the obscuring nature of your emotional thinking which does not want you to pay attention to the alarm´s actual source and instead diverts you to thinking it is the external source (incorrect) or your fault (also incorrect).

Your emotional thinking does not want you abiding by the logic of your world. It does not want you acting on the alarm by identifying the real cause (the narcissist) and then taking the logical step to avoid further harm (further feelings that something is wrong) by removing yourself from the real cause (the narcissist).

Your emotional thinking does not want to do what is best for you. It does not want you to know the actual source of the alarm nor act on that alarm. It wants you looking in the wrong place,e taking the incorrect course of action so that you remain interacting with the narcissist.

Your emotional thinking does not care about your physical health, your emotional contentment, your mental well-being or the state of your bank balance. It is not interested in you engaging with a healthy, normal and well-adjusted individual. That does not matter to your emotional thinking.

For a very unfortunate few of you, there is no inherent alarm system and you need to build one. It is hard work but achievable.

For the vast majority of you, you have the alarm system but it is infected and caused to malfunction by making you look in the wrong place for the problem and not act on the actual problem. Fortunately for you, this faulty alarm system can be corrected although it requires repeated and ongoing maintenance, which is naturally most worthwhile.

There is a valid reason why you feel something is not right. It is your early warning system, but it is not perfect and it is fundamental that you realise this and understand that it is here that you are able to perfect its operation.

Early Warning Detector


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21 thoughts on “Something Doesn’t Feel Right

  1. Narc Noob says:

    Hg, who of us in the empath club that don’t have those alarm bells? Is it those who have suffered more, those with fewer narcissistic traits or something else?

    1. Asp Emp says:

      Narc Noob, I think every human has in-built ‘alarm bells’, as HG suggests in this article. It is probably the fact that many people do not necessarily ‘sense’ this within themselves because there may be ‘blocks’ to their intuition, of which may or may not have been ‘fine-tuned’, or, learned. Some people may have a higher sense of intuition compared to others, possibly more likely within empaths. I also think it may depend on the ‘strength’ of the DNA inherited. Some people may develop a higher sense of intuition based on their experiences of abuse. I am responding from my own personal experiences.

      1. Narc Noob says:

        Thank you for your reply Asp Emp.

        I might have honed down on detail too much as what you say makes sense. I just wondered if there was any more to it than trauma or empathic traits. Having all the traits and in large doses may mean intuitively the empath doesn’t listen or hear the bells so loudly, not sure.

        1. Asp Emp says:

          Narc Noob, thank you for your reply. When an empath is totally under the cloud of emotional / mental confusion because of the abuse from narcissists in their life, then, yes, the ‘alarm system’ within the empath would also be affected – ‘dulled down’ if you like, as if it cannot be ‘heard’. Again, I am speaking from personal experience. Maybe not all empaths can ‘recognise’ they have an internal alarm system because they have not necessarily ‘ learned’ about it, nor learned to use it?

        2. Truthseeker6157 says:

          It’s possible that those belonging to the martyr cadre might be less likely to experience alarm bells in the same way.

          I’m thinking that the martyr’s approach to meeting someone new might make them more accepting of behaviours that other empaths might view as red flags. Similarly, the martyr will take responsibility for the behaviours so might be faster to attribute the comment or behaviour to something she herself has said or done, faster to the point of almost automatic.

          1. Narc Noob says:

            TS, I can see how the martyr would make excuses and attribute someone else’s bad behaviour to themself. Good point.

    2. Bubbles says:

      Dearest Narc Noob,
      I believe we have an automatic ‘override switch’ when it comes to alarm bells.
      We emotionally perceive everyone to be like us or want them to be.
      That deep rooted ‘goodness’ and ‘gullibility’ within, emotionally blinds us
      Naaaaah, you couldn’t possibly be a bad person, I’ll show everyone how wrong they are…… I fix ! (narc much haha)
      We are the true believers of love and hope.
      I’ve always been a very independent free thinking person with narcissistic traits however,
      even with all my narc experiences and even though I felt something was not quite right …. I just couldn’t put my finger on it ……. until it was too late
      That ‘give them the benefit of the doubt’ crap is no longer in my vocabulary
      I’ve installed that many alarm bells in my head it’s going non stop 😂
      Luv Bubbles xx 😘

      1. Narc Noob says:

        Bubbles, exactly right – benefit of the doubt mentality…. !

        Having said that I do think it’s ok to be ourselves. Embrace who you are, give them what you would anyone else, but with your eyes open. We are going to get it wrong and when we hear those alarm bells, it’s time to move on. They are everywhere and we stumble on them constantly. It can be annoying.

        1. Bubbles says:

          Dearest Narc Noob,
          You’re totally on the right track lovely one 😊
          It’s usually that ‘little subtle tinge’ we get, that we need to act upon straight away, the big ones stand out like dog’s balls 😂
          I have been known to be wrong. However………… I question why that person gave me cause to feel that tinge in the first place
          I’m now at that age I have absolute total zero tolerance or any time for that sort of nonsense and I feel fabulous for it. I’m still me, but a much better me!
          Now where’s my garbage bin ? 🛢
          Luv Bubbles xx 😘

  2. Cup Cakes says:

    Are narcissist hypersensitive?

    1. Truthseeker6157 says:

      Cup Cakes,

      They are hypersensitive to the issue of control. We can threaten control unintentionally. This often accounts for all being well one minute and then descending into chaos the next.
      Every moment is about maintaining control over the people in their surroundings. That control is threatened and the narcissist MUST assert and regain control.

      1. Cup Cakes says:

        Thank You for responding your views.

        I remember my ex in laws had verbal abused my children in many occasions.My ex mother in law would always cause a scene in front of my children on why they distanced themselves by not visiting them in the meantime they failed to see what they ve done.There was also some physical abuse towards them aswell.They also didnt like when I confronted them and went on to say that they were trying to discipline them when they were actually trying to CONTROL them.My childrens other parent which is my ex was the exact same way.
        Thats when the marriage started sinking.

        1. Truthseeker6157 says:

          Cup cakes,

          It sounds like your instincts were exactly right. There is a huge difference between discipline and control. It’s no wonder your relationship started sinking if you felt your partner was treating your children this way.
          HG often recommends that newer readers take a look at the Knowledge Vault items ‘The Three Assertions of Control’ and ‘The Three Key Interactions With The Narcissist.’ They explain a lot!

          1. Cup Cakes says:


          2. Cup Cakes says:

            HG is very helpful.I enjoy learning and buying his material as he has a way to educate us in a peaceful way.

          3. Cup Cakes says:

            Awful feeling.I couldnt trust my ex.My children would hear the stuff said on the phone about them and were shaking there heads as to thats not what happened I was here.Very sad.Other occassions they would be on the phone critisizing myself and the children,and the friends,and I once said thats not respectful what your saying and its not polite to lie either.The response I got was I never said that.Imagine how they dont want to be accountable for there statements and there actions.

          4. Truthseeker6157 says:

            Cup Cakes,

            The narcissism will respond to any threat to control. So it will also prevent the narcissist accepting any accountability. This will go to the extent of a Lesser or Midranger actually believing they didn’t say something or do something. The result is that you know they said it, but they believe they didn’t say it. You can’t win. The narcissism keeps changing the rules.

            This video explains the similar idea.


            You’re in the right place to get the accurate information you need to move forward. It’s mind blowing at times!

      2. BC30 says:

        I now realize is that it’s their perceived “control.”

  3. Tracey Tiger says:

    Always so insightful, HG.I resonate with this.

    This post brings to mind an answer to a question I posted on Quora almost 2 years ago, regarding narcissistic abuse. The question was “What warning signs did you miss before realizing you were involved with a narcissist?” My answer to the question was lengthy; but I wanted to share with a segment of it with you:

    “Word of advice: pay close attention to the actions of someone you’re newly seeing. If something feels off, it usually is. Don’t be too passive or brush things off, even if you feel you’re overthinking and/or overreacting. Thinking back, there was something in my gut didn’t feel right. My instinct was trying to tell me something but I ignored it. I literally thought to myself “this is too good to be true” at first, and it was. Not to be pessimistic, but if something seems to be too good to be true in the beginning, it usually is.”

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome. Thank you for sharing your observations.

  4. Asp Emp says:

    Commenting on this article on 30th & 31st July 2020 – my ‘ballsy’ attitude shows through. Ah, dearie me, it’s still present. Even more so now. The monosyllable responses – loving it.

    I have a bit to say on 8th September 2020. Surprise, surprise.

    26th October 2020 – I was right about my ‘alarm system’ working correctly. I recognised ‘it’ on 30th October. ‘Ghosting’ & ‘black flag’. It was good. Not scary. Yet, still ‘haunted’. Great…..

    11th December 2020 – commenting again. Same article. 4 days later…… hmmm. Red Flag. Still ‘haunted’…… ET. LT agrees. PT also agrees.


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