Why Yes, Is Not Always Best

 

WHY-YES-IS-NOT-ALWAYS-BEST

Lots of people have trouble with saying no. It carries with it the connotation of negativity, obstruction and disappointment. People much prefer to say yes. I know that you and your kind really do struggle with saying no. You prefer to be regarded as a can-do kind of person, positive and accommodating. You also find it difficult to say no to people as you really do not like to see the disappointment on their face should you respond in this way. It makes you feel bad and accordingly, you either avoid saying it in the first place or you change your mind if you have said it. Occasionally, you will take refuge in the realm of uncertainty.

“I will think about it.”

“We shall see.”

“Let me reflect and I will come back to you.”

“I just need to check something, but I think it should be okay.”

You want to say no, but you find that you are unable to and therefore you trot out one of these insipid responses and ultimately you will end up saying yes. We know this is a common trait of yours and something we rely on and play on. We are aware that you do not like to say no and therefore we will press and cajole to ensure you say yes. Do not make the mistake of thinking that we need your validation and approval. Far from it. We do what we want. We like to hear you say yes because it underlines our power over you. We can always make you say yes. Sometimes you do it straight away (especially if we have you conditioned correctly). On other occasions it requires some persuasion and in the remainder of cases we need to pull out our manipulative tool kit to achieve the desired result, but we always get there. You are designed to say yes, we programme you to say yes and you do so even if it is ultimately detrimental to you. You feel you need to please and that need is greatest when it comes to us.

By contrast we are firm disciples of the word “no”. It is a word of strength. It is commanding and authoritative. Those who can say no have fortitude, steel and resilience. We say it regularly. We are untroubled by the fallen expression, the noises of disappointment and pleading. In fact, should you beg and plead we will just keep saying no and sit back and enjoy the fuel that you provide to us by your behaviour. Beseech us, blackmail us, bribe us and bombard us with requests, nay, demands to say yes and every time we will bat you back with a firm no as we savour your increasing anger, frustration and upset.

We do not associate the word no with negativity. We see it as a positive word. It is one that enables us to assert and maintain our superiority. We are able to use it to control you and keep you in your place. We are fully aware that whoever is on the receiving end of the word no automatically feels bad because they have been denied something.

“No I do not want to have dinner with you tonight.”

“No, you cannot borrow my car this evening.”

“No, you cannot go out with your friends tomorrow evening.”

It takes guts and integrity to say no. You struggle to say it because you are used to being exploited and taken for granted. You may try and dress it up as being someone who always helps and is a facilitator but the reality is you end up being used. Notice how in those instances above where I stated no, I did not give a reason for the refusal, I just said no. That takes real strength. I do not need to fall into providing explanations for my decision. It is my decision, the answer is no, that is an end to it. I can do this because I am not accountable. I can do this because I do not feel bad when witnessing the disappointment of others. This enables me to achieve more and avoid being burdened unnecessarily.

You can learn a lot from my use of the word no.

Just do not think of ever using it towards me.

That’s a big no.

 

12 thoughts on “Why Yes, Is Not Always Best

  1. Ciara says:

    H.G., thanks for telling me about YouTube. I just spent 2 hours listening to your videos. You’re a genius!! How do I make an appointment for consultation or where is the website link?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Indeed I am and you are welcome. Please use this link https://narcsite.com/private-audio-consultation/

  2. Ciara says:

    I’ve seen this behavior embedded repeatedly with empaths;On the flip side, I’ve seen yes in Narcissism with passive aggressive behavior tied to it as well. I don’t know who is what! HG.,I’ve read your blog about the different schools of Narcissistic. Have you written about Covert Narcs? I’m interested in knowing how they operate.. Grateful for your blog.

    1. Ciara says:

      It is H.G not HG… Typo mistake!

    2. HG Tudor says:

      I do not use the term “Covert Narcissist” it is too wide and unhelpful. I explain why this is in a YouTube video of mine about the subject.

  3. mollyb5 says:

    HG there is a true crime documentary on him on discovery + channel .

  4. mollyb5 says:

    HG …there is a utube guy (onision) that young girls line up to be abused by …he sounds just like a Narc the way he talks to the camera , he does his abuse on videos and young gamers and millions follow him. How is it that men online get away with this in plain sight . Victims aren’t paying him to be victimized. So it’s not like a dominatrix who people pay and request to be treated in some certain way. How is this allowed because it makes money for him onision ? Maybe there is a girl doing this also ? But I have a feeling if a girl did this behavior it would be stopped a lot faster .

    1. HG Tudor says:

      This name has been mentioned to me a few times to put him under the Tudorscope. I may have to pay him a visit in person and invite him to try and abuse me as I hand him his ear back.

      1. mollyb5 says:

        HG. I saw my daughter watching a gamer with tons of followers and I was questioning her about who she was watching ? I just found this guy today on discovery .

        1. lisk says:

          “Gamer” says a lot.

  5. ThirstforKnowledge says:

    So if we must engage with a mid-level, what is your recommendation for saying no? For example, if we are invited to a social setting or gathering or even just to stop by their house, how do we say no? For example, what if this is a coworker asking? Or a family member? I would imagine if we use your method it will erupt into a fight immediately.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      “I am not able to attend because…..”
      Simple.

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