The Racing Mind

 

 

Of the many consequences of becoming entangled with our kind, there is one which is always present. This is the racing mind. The racing mind begins in the hinterland between the seduction and the devaluation as we start to create doubt in your mind, create ambiguity and generate concern on your part. There are hundreds of ways of creating this uncertainty and it only increases when the devaluation proper begins. Our various manipulations are designed to not only draw fuel from you but also to create this pervasive sensation of doubt. You find that you are always asking yourself questions.

“Why did he say that?”

“What did that mean?”

“Why has he done that?”

“What did he do that for?”

“Why is he being like this?”

“Has he really said that about me to somebody else?”

“Would he see somebody else?”

Your day is made up of a succession of attempts to understand why we are saying and doing certain things. Everything becomes analysed as you desperately look for evidence to explain away the thing that you fear most; the loss of the golden period. The impact of our seduction is massive. Owing to our mirroring of you, we are your other half, the you that you have always wanted in your relationship. A perfect love. As a consequence, you do not want to lose us and anything which hints at that happening causes you considerable concern.

As with much of what we do, we apply stealth tactics. We adopt an insidious approach which utilises the typical salami-slicing methodology so that we steadily encroach into your well-being but we do so with such subtlety you fail to notice it. At first you will wonder why we arrived back an hour later than we said we would, but you rationalise it away as we mutter something about traffic. Once we would come and see you and arrive early at the weekend. Now we do not turn up until mid-afternoon. What have we been doing in that time? Why do we no longer want to spend the whole day with you? Is there somebody else? You hope that there is nothing to be concerned about but you cannot help but be concerned as you scrutinise everything that we say and do. After a while you are keeping a tally of how many “xs” we place after our text messages. We usually put three but it has gone down to two. What is the reason for that? Did we simply forget? Did we jab the “x” button but the third one did not appear? Does it mean something? You watch us carefully when we speak to you. Do we seem less happy now? Are we laughing less at that daft but endearing nickname that you labelled us with? Perhaps that is just because we have become used to it but what if it is not and it is down to something else? We made frequent mention of getting married but that has not been mentioned now for, ooh, 17 days, not that you are keeping an exact record of this type of thing are you?

We know that this repeated and frequent questioning has you unable to focus on anything other than you and I. You struggle to concentrate at work because you are ruminating over the ambiguous comment that we made as we left that morning. It saddens you and the nervous sensation in your stomach makes you feel sick. You try to tell yourself that it is nothing and you are over-thinking matters but you definitely heard us say that we needed more space. Were we talking about a larger house, a bigger office or was it a reference to drawing back the relationship with you? You want to ring us up but you do not want to seem silly or anxious and therefore you do nothing. On the few occasions where you pluck up some courage to ask about the latest ambiguity you are patronised, laughed at or receive an irritated glare for having troubled us with such nonsense. We will bat away your concerns only to reinstate that two hours later with some other act or comment.

You are left on edge. You talk to friends and family about it but you can see that they are becoming bored with these repeated scrutiny sessions. Your mother smiles and tells you that you are reading too much into it and it is just the relationship settling down. Your best friend will sit and listen, allowing you to espouse your various theories as you select the evidence from the weekend which in your mind suggests that we are no longer interested in you. She does her best to explain to the contrary but you can see she has become fed-up with such conversations as you pick through what she considers to be minutiae. Your repeated discussions never find any resolution. You feel a moment of calm and then the doubts return. There is nothing concrete to point to. We have not shouted at you and called you names, that is to come, we have not told you that we do not want to be with you anymore, there is nothing so obvious and direct. No, instead it is a litany of inferences, suggestions, nuances and subtleties which when viewed in isolation are meaningless but when you string them together, well, the collective effect leaves you fearing the worst.

We purposefully engender such a state of affairs. Placing you on tenterhooks causes you to provide us with fuel. Making you uncertain has you working harder to remain with us. Creating doubt prevents you from moving forward. By causing you to obsess on the details you miss the bigger picture caused by this racing mind. You fail to notice that it is deliberate. You fail to notice that it is signalling the devaluation proper. You fail to recognise that this the preparatory work for creating a state of uncertainty on which we will base an array of further manipulations. This starts to drain your energy, wear you down, prevent you from doing other things as you relentlessly focus on us and the relationship that you have with us. Everything else becomes background noise as your default setting becomes one by which you must check that everything is alright between us from the moment you wake and if you perceive that it is not, you spend the day with your mind whirling as you catastrophise and worry which only goes on to make it worse.

We bring this to bear in order to control you. We cause this to happen because we can see your worry, sense your concern and gauge your nervousness which provides us with fuel and signifies that this campaign of created uncertainty is working. There is however one particular element which drives the racing mind more than anything. Whilst we behave like this on purpose for the reasons outlined, the creation of the racing mind relies on a particular characteristic that comes from you so that it is particularly effective. It is this attribute, this state of mind, this belief which is central to the racing mind. The occurrence of the racing mind and the sensations of dread, anxiety, nervousness, bewilderment and fear that always accompany it are driven by one core belief of yours.

You believe that your reaction shows just how much you love and adore us.

The existence of worry and repeated analysis convinces you that this is because the love that we have is ultra-special and thus you must fight to retain it.

This notion, understandable as it is, is a fallacy.

You feel like this because you have been manipulated.

7 thoughts on “The Racing Mind

  1. lickemtomorrow says:

    I ached in every emotional part of my being as I read this article again today. It absolutely encapsulates my experience with the narcissist, especially the last one. I wonder if I had read it then would it have awakened me, like the kiss of the Prince on Snow White’s lips? In this moment, I imagine myself like her, lying cold and dead in that relationship with the apple of narcissistic abuse stuck in my throat. I choked on what that bastard fed me – much like Snow White choked on the poison apple given to her by the Evil Queen – and now I have been kissed gently to awaken me out of the slumber and stolen life that was mine <3

    1. A Victor says:

      Oh LET, what a romantic way to picture your awakening! I will think of mine as Cinderella, my favorite princess since forever, she wasn’t dead but she had such a horrible life at the hands of what had to be a bunch of narcissists. And Prince Charming saved her from it all. We know this because the story tells us that she and her prince lived happily ever after!

      Thank you for sharing your beautiful thoughts!

      1. lickemtomorrow says:

        Ah, AV, what another great comparison with Cinderella <3 Hopefully we won't be getting any slaps over the wrist for this thoroughly romantic thinking. Don't want to raise the ET. It just dawned on me as I was writing my comment that this experience has been like an awakening and for some reason Snow White came to mind. Scapegoat children will be able to relate to Cinderella, but the "rescue" is very much in progress. HG, of course, is Prince Charming but the living happily ever after is on us xox

        We've notched up another use for fairy tales, and hopefully a more useful one 😉

        1. A Victor says:

          I can up the analogy to Cinderella yet another notch, I was my dad’s golden child, as she was hers. It makes the others that much more mean and spiteful. I could not think of HG as Prince Charming, no, in my story he would be more akin to a delightfully charming, devilishly handsome, awe-inspiringly wise and intelligent, hilariously humorous fully-male version of the fairy godmother, flitting in and out as needed. Prince Charming will need a bit of empathy, even if some of these other qualities are a bit lacking, I will be okay with this now.

          Fun thoughts, no slapping yet, should we quit while we’re ahead?

          In all seriousness though, I think about romantic things like this, does it actually impact the ET?

          1. lickemtomorrow says:

            Haha, AV, I like the idea of HG as a Fairy Godmother, too 🙂 Sprinkling a bit of fairy dust here and there, where it’s needed, and I have also been directed to the movie Malifecent by FM1T (if I remember rightly x) as another take on the fairy tale of Sleeping Beauty. Of course, HG has his own often hilarious versions which just goes to show how entertaining he can make the combination of narcissism and fairy stories <3

            Prince Charming will need a bit of empathy, but I was more focused on the awakening.

            If I hadn't been awakened from my narcissistic slumber then I would have no hope of meeting Prince Charming himself.

            My ET is constantly being impacted in various ways, and much depends on what and how much I feed it. Romantic notions will impact my ET and I embrace those moments as part of what makes me human, but I also know now that I have to do a reality check on them as well. For far too long I let emotional thinking direct my path.

            And probably good idea about quitting while we're ahead … I've spat that apple out now and my logic defenses are ON.

          2. A Victor says:

            Lol! Good call! Thank you for the ET info, I will keep that in mind going forward.

  2. A Victor says:

    So…I worried at the thought of losing my dad’s love, for example, due to a manipulation? And it’s then a carry over from that when I get the same unreasonable sense of concern now, in a different situation? Okay, if this is true, it makes moving beyond any emotional factor much simpler, he did this, or she did, and I can let that go as just another manipulation, more of their abuse and conditioning of me. I don’t have to live in that worry, it’s not mine unless I choose so, it was not of my making. This is very helpful.

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