Victim or Volunteer? Part One



I seduced you. There is no doubt that this happened. I was the protagonist and I brought you under my spell. But let us go a little further back. I chose you. I identified you as a prospect and then undertook my investigative work to determine that you had what I was looking for (you did) and then I began to gather the material that would aid my seduction of you.

You had no idea that you had walked into my sights. You had no idea that my gaze followed you around the room, that I observed where you worked, where you lived and began the careful assimilation of information about who you are from your friends and your online presence. In fact, your social media contribution was instrumental in allowing me to ascertain that you fitted the profile that I require in those I target. Not only that, your tendency to plaster your life over the internet provided me with a plethora of material to use in my seduction.

More than most I felt I really did know you before I even met you. There are enough warnings about remaining safe on-line, plenty of guides about how to be secure in your internet dealings and to chart the waters of cyberspace in an enjoyable yet cautious manner. Not that you paid any regard to this as comments, photographs, location tags and such like were thrown like broadcasted seeds out into cyberspace. You posted photographs which showed inside your home, it was easy enough from your frequent location tags to work out the neighbourhood where you lived and then using the photographs to identify which was your house.

You didn’t see me sat in the car outside as I waited one morning for the confirmation that was where you lived. I had a good look through your windows as well seeing as how you opened all the blinds and that hedge meant nobody saw me taking note of what lay within you house. Some might say that such an approach meant you asked for what happened. Would it be uncharitable to suggest that your lax approach to sharing your life on social media caused you to stand out as a ready target?

It was not difficult to engage you. You are after all a bright and vivacious person with many friends. Indeed, those friends enjoy talking about you to people and they offered up more information about you. Perhaps you should re-consider who you trust with information about you. I was always pushing on an open door with you and even the surprising hesitancy you showed when I suggested we sit in a booth together in that bar was soon overcome as I began to mirror you.

Did you not think it strange that I just happened to like jet ski-ing and was apparently a member of the same club as you, that I loved Thai food and enjoyed dance music? Our mutual love of rugby (I had to swot up on that admittedly) provided the opening for a date at a rugby match. Did you not think it was unusual that we clicked on so many levels or were you just swept away by the fact we did and therefore never gave it a second thought? Some might suggest that this was opening yourself up to my charms rather too quickly or are they being unduly critical of you?

We attended the rugby in the afternoon and I had already arranged dinner at a restaurant I knew you often frequented. You expressed such delight at this surprise by planting a huge kiss on my lips. I knew you are an excitable person but did you ever stop to think how, out of the thousands of restaurants in this city, I knew this was your favourite?

You actually did ask me, as we dined, how I knew about this place and I explained a client had recommended it to me. When you explained it was your favourite I feigned surprise and added that I just thought you might like it. You did not pick up on how I was able to secure a booking on a Saturday and an excellent table to boot, but then how were you to know about the slipped notes passed to a member of staff. After all, I move with an air of considered confidence so it all fitted together didn’t it that I would command such close attention from the waiting staff through the evening.

You even missed the fact that somewhat inebriated I was able to tell the taxi driver where you lived. I had become somewhat amused at how easy this was proving to be. Your readiness to down glass after glass of wine in the company of someone you had not long ago met. Was that remiss of you or was it understandable given the way I made myself seem so familiar to you through my background work on you.

I decided to let slip your address to the taxi driver, even though you had not given it to me, yet you completely missed this. As I helped you into the taxi, ever the gent, you missed the almost reptilian smile I gave. I didn’t. I saw it reflected back at me in the window of the taxi.

I had earlier plied you with plaudits and listened to you offer me up even more information, telling me where you worked, what you did there, information about your colleagues, taking me through your relationships with your family, your favourite musicals and so on. I logged it all as you opened up to me, pouring so much knowledge in my direction.

There are those who might consider that to be a natural thing to do, the social lubrication which makes the interpersonal relationship easier and who is to say they are wrong? You accepted my compliments with good grace and returned them which pleased me considerably. I had to stop myself laughing out loud as you declared those phrases which told me that all lights are green.

“I feel like I have known you for years.”

“This is wonderful; we have so much in common.”

“You know me so well, it is fantastic.”

I threw a few of our well-used favourites back at you,

“I think we were fated to meet.”

“I’ve never clicked with anybody the way I have with you.”

“I know it is only the second time we have spent together but I feel a connection with you.”

I may as well have stood on the restaurant table and waved a huge red flag in front of you with klaxons blaring in the background. You did not notice. Was that negligent of you? Ought you, as a self-professed intelligent and independent person, to have seen these warning signs and acted on them? Perhaps you did and decided that the risk was worth taking. If that was the case, I know that there are people who would regard you as consenting to our entanglement with some degree of knowledge that something was not quite right but you were happy to waive this concern, it was too tempting to miss out on someone like me. Was that how it flashed through your mind?

The dates came and went and my tendrils wrapped around you. I stayed over in your house on the second date. You yielded readily to my overtures and we engaged in frenetic, athletic love-making which enabled me to play one of my aces. It was following one such energetic coupling that you held me and with sincerity shining from your eyes whispered that you felt you were falling in love with me.

I smiled and nodded because after all, love comes quickly with our type and I was positively delighted that you had given this indication even before I had opportunity to play that particular card. Did you replay that conversation and all the other beautiful ones we had that evening of love-making? Of course you did. You always do because the recall of such scintillating times causes a soaring sensation in your chest. Did you evaluate what this meant? Did you consider it against other relationships in order to benchmark your feelings? Some might suggest that the cautious and sensible would do so and apply some slowing touches and undertake some verification of everything that you were being told, but you did not. Was that slipshod of you?

You were given the signs. You were handed the warnings. They were plain enough to see. Many of them were conventional in nature. I only hid them in plain sight, as I always do. Perhaps you are at fault for not paying heed to them? Then again how could you be expected to resist me? I have done this so many times and you (surprisingly) have not been seduced by my kind behaviour.

I bet you have said the label attached to my type less than half a dozen times. How could you be expected to put up any resistance when you are being flattered and wooed in such a convincing manner? Why would you stop someone from being so pleasant? Who would? Maybe it is an entirely unfeeling and harsh judge who expected you to know better and remain vigilant?

You let me in. You opened the door and left it open whilst providing me with a key to it and the back door too. You allowed me to permeate every element of your life from your bed to your buddies. Should you have listened to that one friend who cautioned you against moving so quickly? She was just bitter wasn’t she? After all, that is what we told you and why on earth would you have any reason to disagree with us?

Your family all felt I was wonderful, even your sister who in the past has been notoriously difficult to please (actually she isn’t, you just need to know what to say but that’s a different story) so you could be forgiven for deeming their reactions as an accurate weather gauge of who I was. How could you have known what was coming? You are no clairvoyant and who would not have taken advantage of being chosen by such a wonderful, charming, magnetic and loving person as I? All my friends spoke highly of me. Did you not pick up on how rehearsed they often sounded when lauding my attributes? No, never mind, it was too much to expect you to do so wasn’t it.

On went our relationship, two entwined lovers, the world at our feet, happiness all around us, a beautiful and enchanting romance. Who would not want such a thing? You have to have an open heart haven’t you otherwise you can never be happy? You have to trust don’t you otherwise you will never find anybody? You have to bare your chest and lift your throat to the world. Nothing ventured, nothing gained and so on. Anybody else would have done the same, surely?

Are you to be judged by the universal standard and forgiven for not seeing a predator making his way towards you, snaking his tendrils about you and sinking those sugar-coated fangs into your naïve neck? Or ought you have noticed but became too caught up in your fantasy of perfect love that you blinded yourself. Does that make you culpable? Then again, did you see the signs but actually ignored them, content to brush them to one side because your heart told you this was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be with me.

Were you a victim?

Or did you volunteer?

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19 thoughts on “Victim or Volunteer? Part One

  1. Asp Emp says:

    ACONs do not ‘volunteer’, they are forced against their will, until they are old enough to get away. ACONs are ‘victims’, so are all empaths (and narcissists of adult / parental / carer narcissists). A ‘normal’ may appear to ‘volunteer’ initially yet more often than not, a ‘normal’ gets away sooner than empaths do because of the far less / no addiction to narcissism.

    I would not be here today, if mother had handed me over to an aunt who volunteered to take me in. So, I stand by when I say “forced” victims…….

    However, after weaponising myself with HG’s work, with regard to friends and new people in my future, I can volunteer to be their friend but will draw the line at being a ‘victim’ to their narcissism – at that point, I can decide to take one of two choices – use my logical thinking (not succumbing lower my ET’s ‘guard’) to or GOSO.

    1. A Victor says:

      Yes, and we’re left in the dark as to what is appropriate sometimes, what boundaries to set and how, stuff that we should learn as children because our parents respect us enough to teach us these things and allow us to practice them in a safe place. I didn’t know what was happening on the recent upheaval until I saw other people stating it, that kind of stuff just throws me. It is at least helpful that people speak up. But it’s so confusing. My parents didn’t do me any favors here. I should know this stuff.

      1. Asp Emp says:

        AV, “I should know this stuff”. You did. In the perception of narcissists. Please view it in this way. It happened in this way. Not your fault. Not your siblings fault. In some way, it’s not your parents fault – that sounds absolutely shit of me to say. I do not condone my past narcissists treatment of me. So I know and can understand that it comes across I am contradicting my ‘beliefs’. I think laterally. Take myself out of the box and look in. Remember I suggested that to you, AV? I know you understand and it will take time for your emotional side to process a life-time of different reality (not false, it was what you learned to be ‘real’ and in parents perception, it was ‘real’). Sorry for being blunt. I do care. x

        1. A Victor says:

          Asp Emp, I really like your “lateral” thinking here, it makes sense and it helps me to also see that it isn’t even my parents fault, in a way. I also appreciate the thought that what they offered me was real, just not genuine. I hadn’t applied this to them, only my ex. Yes, a life-time and thank you for understanding that it does take time. Do you feel you have the same thing but you are, of course, further along in the process? I was surprised to see you write that, it shows a genuine understanding, but then it dawned on me that maybe you’ve been there also. I did not take it as blunt, not at all, only that you understand. And because you state it, I take it you care! 🙂

          1. Asp Emp says:

            AV, since my parents have passed on, all I needed to do was look at myself really and ‘re-program’ my mindset. Of course, I am an ACON, like you. I am glad to read that you can perceive that for your parents, it was ‘real’ – seeing it in that way, somehow, lessens the difficulty in the concept that your parents are different from you. I have accepted what happened RE: my version of TTU (laughing) but I am all out of feeling anything for her. I am not ‘pushing’ it away, she’s dead. Gone. Done. “Discontinued” laughing. Of course, I care 🙂

    2. JB says:

      Spot on, Asp Emp!

      1. Asp Emp says:

        Thank you JB 🙂

        1. JB says:

          You’re welcome 🙂

  2. Diana says:


  3. lisk says:

    I was a volunteer who somehow thought that she was going to be doing the seducing. Ha ha ha!

    I remember the very first moment I met him. Apparently, it was not the first time he learned of me.


  4. psychologyandworldaffairs says:

    Did I ignore the warning signs = yes

    When he first came to my house and teased to dispell my nervousness. ‘You are not a serial killer, come to murder us, are you?’

    ‘I can understand why you might think that, but no I am not.’

    Well I actually did not think that, until that moment. What an odd thing to say.

    Or – when my eyes secretly followed him one morning as he dressed. I was still in bed half asleep. Right at the beginning. He looked down with such a look of disdain and detachment. So out of place – it made me pause to the degree – he left before I let him know I was awake.

    Willing victim? I think not. Empaths know perfection does not exist. Nobody is perfect – they are not perfect. We say and do stupid things all the time (I do anyway). Why would we expect any man then to be perfect? Is it a case of just thinking = is that man perfect for me?

    You do not enter a relationship thinking there will be no clashes, no arguements, no hard times. Will that person never hurt you? will you never do anything which will hurt them? Will you never snap at them when you are stressed and think afterwards = I should not have said that? Tell them I am sorry?

    The only defining factor is the inability to feel empathy. Did I at any stage in the beginning think = this guy is incapable of empathy? = No I did not.

    1. A Victor says:

      And even if you had, would he have been successful in not allowing you to pick up on the truth? And, then we also fight ourselves on that, do we see what we want to see or what is real. That’s where HG’s help can come in, as the lie detector.

      1. psychologyandworldaffairs says:

        Hi AV, you are 100% right, I know I still do this – sometimes I still question everything. Yes HG fingers crossed – will allow my mind to finally rest 🙂

        1. A Victor says:

          Hi PAWA, HG will be able to help with any questions and quell any fears. 🙂

  5. leelasfuelstinks says:

    I say victim! The victims don´t know that they fall in love with an illusion, actually with themselves. The narc mirrors you, your dreams and wishes. As many victims are damaged (no insult, me too) people who lacked of love during childhood and often have low self-esteem, they fall for it, because finally someone is there who loves us unconditionally.

    Many victims are ACONs.

    1. A Victor says:

      Until we get here and learn. But, in the moment, and this is my fear, will we still go back to that thinking?

      1. leelasfuelstinks says:

        I don´t think so. We can do it! We have to work hard on ourselves, on our self-esteem and weaponize with the help of H.G.

        1. A Victor says:

          I know. I hope you are correct.

          1. leelasfuelstinks says:

            Let´s try! 😉

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Victim or Volunteer : Part 2