The Games Are Always Being Played



Games. I love playing games. As I have written before, the games are always being played. I only ever play to win otherwise there is no point. I cannot lose and sit back and smile and accept it was nevertheless an enjoyable experience because if I was to lose then it could not be enjoyable. I would be accepting that you or someone else is better than me. You are not. He is not. They are not. I always have to win. In order to achieve this I operate by a particular set of rules. You think you know what those rules are because when we first come together I deign to play by your rules; I agree to operate by the systems and conventions of your reality. That is easy for me to do because everything is going swimmingly. I am seducing you and therefore you are letting me win because it feels good. I am content to go along with the pretence of agreeing that these are the rules of engagement. You think you are winning because you are getting this wonderful, generous and loving person. In reality, I am winning because I am receiving plenty of positive fuel from you.

The game are always being played.

It is thereafter that the rules alter because I decide (and it is always my decision) that we will now abide by the rules in my reality. You are not given a rulebook and you have to guess what those rules are. As soon as you think that you have grasped them and got a handle on them, they will suddenly change. It is akin to playing a game of football and I am winning three nil. You score two more goals and you are in the ascendancy and likely to equalise. There would normally be fifteen minutes to go but suddenly I change the rules so there is just one minute left. You fail to score and I win. You protest stating that is not the correct time but it does not matter because here I am the referee, the assistants and the fourth official and what I say goes. If you do not like it, tough. I will just pick up the ball and go home with it. It is like a game of darts where you have to start from 501 and end with a double. I on the other hand start from 51 and do not need a double. You claim it is not fair but why should I care about it? I have to win. Thus, you may realise that I enjoy a lie-in on a Sunday morning so you do not disturb me. I will purposefully set the alarm early and get up waking you early. Or if I do have a lie in, I will concoct some mystery appointment that I have missed because you let me lie in. When you wake me early the following Sunday I will erupt at you for being so selfish and not letting me sleep.

The games are always being played.

When you think have ascertained what the rules are they will alter. You will do your best to try and keep up but it is exhausting and frustrating. Yet, this manipulation of the rules to allow our kind to win does not end there. Goodness me no. Our driven desire to always be the winner means that not only will we sucker you by pretending to play by your rules and then change them; we will then change the game. One moment you think you are playing Monopoly and then I am telling you it was Professor Plum in the Study with the Candlestick.

“But that is Cluedo,” you will declare rather puzzled.

“I know,” I will smile in return.

“But we are playing monopoly.

“No we are not.”

“Yes we are, look this board has streets from New York on it.”

“No it doesn’t, those are rooms in the stately home.”

“What are you talking about? See here and here, street names.”

“Are you blind? Those are snakes and ladders.”

“What? You’ve changed it again.”

“No I haven’t. You are just making a fuss because you are losing.”

“What are you on about? I am not losing, I was winning.”

“Not at all. Check mate.”


Our phenomenal capabilities for lying, blame-shifting, denial and reflection all mean that the game will change. You are wrong footed, unsure of yourself, confused and we keep on doing it. We must win, always and you have to lose, at your cost. We will apply all our methods of manipulation to ensure we are victorious and you lie sprawled in the dirt, broken and defeated. Our success has to be at everything and I mean everything, from the trivial to the substantial, Defeat is never an option for our kind and we will bend, twist and snap the rules and alter the game in order to achieve this. Now, let’s play a game. It is my favourite. You may know it. It is called Guess Who? You have no chance.

The games are being played.


Mind Games – Part One

Inside the Narcissist´s Mind : Is it a Manipulation?


17 thoughts on “The Games Are Always Being Played

  1. Unleashed says:


    I’m a happy graduate of Tudor University, and am here to forward one of your stories to a relative in a narcissist relationship. I hope she will come to your website.

    But I am just wondering, What happened with the Shieldmaiden?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I am pleased to read that.

      That is for me and for you to find out.

      (The Aggro Index stands at 0.8% – this means that for every 100 comments on the blog, less than 1 is argumentative, labelling, insulting etc).

      1. Kel2day Unleashed says:


        Thank you for your answer. I like that you’re still with SM.

        I’m sure I will come back by another time for an update.

        I’m glad I came to your blog when I did. It was so lively, Idk, 2-3 years ago. You’re such an amazing opportunity – being able to ask a Narcissist questions and learn that there are all of these magicians tricks.

        Thank you again for all of your help. I wish the world was really the fantasy we all pretend it is, but we’re better off for knowing the truth.

        1. Asp Emp says:

          Magicians tricks – seeing is believing, even when it appears and disappears – even if you are shown the same ‘trick’ twice, sometimes the truth, when it is revealed, it genuinely speaks for itself. That was no illusion.

  2. Joa says:

    Since I was a child, I have loved games and logical puzzles. I’ve always liked learning too.

    “My” narcissist is the best logical / psychological game of my life. Addictive.

    He himself describes himself as a player. When he is very pleased with himself and I am submissive, he takes the position of a teacher and I am a student (oh, he likes it!), He explains to me and allows me to discover the next moves in the games between us, instructing me like a “good daddy”. It teaches me a lot, I use it intuitively later in games with narcissists at work, which brings the expected results. I also put the relations in my own family correctly – I adjusted my own role to one that suits me better. I have become more confident and firm (though there is a side effect of more irritation). I also improved my relationship with my rebellious child-teenager a bit, although it’s hard 🙂

    Sometimes, when a narcissist is satisfied and I assume the position of a student, he advises me on a course of action in my life that gives me a different perspective. I filter all experiences, modify and choose the best method of solving the problem in my opinion. He has a sense of control and infallibility, I got the listener and sometimes a good solution. Exchange transaction.

    Sometimes he is so pleased that when I thank him he can say, “It wasn’t me. You did it yourself” (oh, we stroke our own vanity).

    Of course, he must win in all games. I give it to him because I don’t care about winning, but about watching the game itself and learning. Sometimes when I’m in a predatory mood, I take up a challenge with commitment, and when I happen to be close to winning, he always switches to another game or attacks with some old problem.

    Some of our games can last for weeks. The biggest one has been going on for years …

    Some time ago, when he “sucked” me in too much with seduction and I had to defend myself by running away for a few weeks (all the control lights flashed red and made warning sounds), and “my” narcissist moaned: “Don’t throw me away!” (oh how hard it was to dismiss … he knew these words would buzz in my head and I would come back, I also throw him quick hooks-challenges when he devalues ​​to leave), the next day I got a cool email:

    “I can’t believe it. But I love poker. Ace of spades.”

    1. Asp Emp says:

      Joa, it was enjoyable to read your comment.

  3. tyger says:

    Empath Bomb… I feel compassion toward narcissists because they experienced trauma – as kids!

    If I look at my own behavior – I’ve behaved in a similar fasion to narcissists.

    Their behavior is not illegible and therefore not unforgivable. THIS IS NOT TO SAY horrific behavior should be tolerated. Do I know the answer? No, I do not, they are impossible to totally understand. That said, they are ones who we all should strive to understand. They carry a LOT of weight on society.

    Normals say the narcissists “claim” importance …. It’s not just a “claim” they ARE a powerful force on society and should be paid attention to. The thing is…. How? Through shrieking, howling and striking out OR seeing, understanding and learning?

    1. Asp Emp says:

      Tyger, a powerfully worded comment. You raised some valid considerations. Thank you for sharing it.

  4. pondering panther says:

    Do empaths like the games… is gaming part of the addiction?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Logic dictates you should not do so, therefore if you do, that is the addiction speaking through the ET.

      1. Joa says:

        I can not find in acronyms. What is ET?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Emotional Thinking.

          1. Joa says:

            Thank you. Although this answer worried me.

      2. pondering panther says:

        Thank you.

  5. pondering panther says:

    I feel compassion for narcissists. I can’t help it, they experienced trauma. They have, it seems, correct me if I’m wrong a version of Love?

    1. MP says:

      Hello PP, from what I learned from HG, they can’t love at all. Although some might believe they love, it isn’t the selfless kind of love.

    2. A Victor says:

      I think HG calls what narcissists experience infatuation.

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