Why The MatriNarc Knows Best
“I love you.”
“I have heard this is a good one for getting a reaction from you because this is what you always want to hear.”
“You won’t ever amount to anything.”
“Not while I am interfering in every facet of your life, controlling you and making your childhood and your adult life one long battle.”
“I just thought I would call you and see how you are.”
“You do not give me enough fuel. You are an ungrateful son/daughter and I regret the day I gave birth to you.”
“It is my birthday next week and I just wondered if you had anything planned.”
“I expect something lavish and spectacular so I can be centre stage. If you haven’t planned such an event you are cruel and uncaring, just as I always thought.”
“I am proud of you.”
“For once you have done something I approve of and now I can take all the credit for it.”
“You were quite a challenge when you were younger.”
“I thought you might resist my cold-hearted manipulation of you, but I broke you in the end.”
“I suppose you have heard the sad news about your Uncle Paul dying?”
“A death! A funeral! Such a wonderful stage for me to dominate and all those relatives to suck fuel from.”
“I am trying to help you,you know?”
“I am trying to control you, stop resisting me.”
“I have done so much for you. All I want is some thanks.”
“I think I have done so much for you. I need some fuel.”
“It was a joke. You take yourself so seriously.”
“It was not a joke. Damn you for seeing through it. I need to back track quickly so I am not accountable.”
“You were an accident.”
“Go on cry and make me feel powerful.”
“Your father and I have discussed this as we think…”
“I have decided….”
“Your father agrees with me so there is no point running to him.”
“Your father knows better than to contradict me.”
“I had such high hopes for you.”
“You aren’t doing what I want.”
“That never happened.”
“It did but you are not allowed to hold that against me.”
“We never thought you would leave home.”
“You were not meant to move out of my control.”
“We hardly ever see you these days.”
“You should be providing me with fuel more often.”
“You weren’t like this when you were little.”
“You were so much easier to control back then.”
“I don’t love you.”
“I don’t love you. I never have.”
3 thoughts on “Why The MatriNarc Knows Best”
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In Patri Narcs eyes I´ was a “B-Grader” – he never said “I love you” or “I am so proud of you”. No. It always could have been better. It was always like “Yes, it was good, BUT ….” Whenever I did good, something else had to be improved, could have been better.
Good grades at school? Yes, alright, BUT “you should loose some weight”
Lost weight? Good, BUT “..you should do something with your hair”
Excelled at sports? Nice, BUT ..”you´re still too fat”
Athletic body? Okay, BUT …”there´s still some flab there on your stomach”
🙄🤪
At least I learnt a lot about diet and exercise 😂 Still put it into practice. I´m okay with that. That´s the positive side of growing up with an Upper Mid Range Somatic parent. 🤪
Our dad stories are quite similar in some ways. Mine was an Elite so focused on appearance and the mind but didn’t encourage, only criticized. Many times I would go an entire semester in school without a conversation with him and then, over the report cards, it would be the one B he noticed, not all the A’s. It was discouraging but I, shockingly, didn’t beat myself up as much as I could’ve, I knew somehow that I was okay, even without his approval. I think in my own mild way, I can be pretty stubborn and even rebellious toward that which criticizes without due cause. Interestingly also, he made us believe we were smart, in a different way. He pulled us along with him, the extension thing I think, in a way that made us understand we could keep up with him, and he was “extremely” intelligent (he was a narcissist so I’m sure this was embellished!) but that was the messaging. But then…the report cards…Everything about being raised by narcissists was so confusing, even this.
Every single thing means something besides the words! And people outside of the dynamic don’t see it! So frustrating!