Narc Magnet
You are a magnet. You attract our kind. You have done so at least once and you will continue to do so. Again and again. There is no hope for anything else. As an empath, super empath or co-dependent you radiate with the traits which draw us to you. Hitherto you had no awareness that this was the case. You would enter a room and be oblivious to the heads that turned your way as our kind detected your presence. You would have noticed that you were receiving the attention of people, but back then you had no knowledge of who was engaging with you or why that was the case. You have several sets of traits which appeal to us. These are the empathic traits, the class traits and the special traits. It is your empathic traits which stand out most of all.
These are evident in the way that you behave, the words you say, the gestures you use and the expressions that form on your face. The way your interact with people, the way you look about a room, the way you walk, the way you sit, the place you decide to sit and so many other things indicate to us your empathic nature. In the same way that everything we do is marked with the taint of our narcissism, everything that you do is stamped with the essence of your empathic traits.
When you walk into the hunting ground of our kind, you are identified promptly as exhibiting potential. It as if you give off a fuel signature, like some kind of scent which our kind smells and recognises as soon as you come near. You once did not see the Lesser as he leant against the bar and noticed you as soon as you entered the premises, his eyes fixed on you as he observed your entrance. The Mid-Ranger would look up from where was sat and find himself drawn to you, that unmistakable essence which you give off, being picked up and identified. Both Lesser and Mid-Range would not know why they wanted to engage with you save that they felt a compulsion to do so.
This need arises in the same way that a lion knows that it is hungry and therefore it must find some prey. The Lesser and the Mid-Ranger’s antennae twitch as you the empath walk through the bar. They are alerted to your presence and then they will watch and pick up on the other indicators which tell them what you are.
The Greater sees you and knows what you are. His lascivious grin indicative of the thoughts which are running through his mind as he begins to assess your suitability. You are signalling to him who you are, that you are empathic, that fuel is passing him by and an opportunity has presented itself.
Once upon a time you were oblivious. You walked through this den of narcissistic intent, unaware of the parasitic creatures that waited to climb down from their waiting perches so that they could engage with you, coil about you and draw you into their web with their silver-tongues and charm. You just thought they were being pleasant, polite and taking an interest. You had no idea how much danger you were in as you allowed your empathic traits to shine like a beacon. Each and every day you radiated these traits, issuing a sub-conscious “come and get me” to our kind. How good it felt to receive this attention. How pleasant it was to be courted in this manner.
As our kind picked up on your empathic scent and were drawn to you, they sought additional confirmations, assessing your class traits and hopefully special traits too, through a combination of instinct and design, dependent on which school of narcissist you had engaged with.
You do this as as easily as you inhale and exhale. Your traits are imprinted on you and they are indelible. They are part of your core and you cannot remove them. You cannot flick a switch and turn off these empathic traits. They are you. Imagine you will if some kind of glasses were created which allowed a physical representation of your empathic traits as hues of red light. If one donned those glasses and looked into this hunting ground as above, a bar perhaps, then one would see several things.
First there would be the normals who would have a slight red glow about them, indicating some empathic traits but limited in number and extent. There would be the dark and empty spaces which are where our kind lurk, the empathic traits completely devoid. Next one would see the dancing trails of scarlet and rose that signify the empath. The roaring flames of riotous red which blaze and indicate the presence of the super empath and then the supernova of bright red which is the signature of the co-dependent. As your gaze swept the room, one would see these differing hues and varying intensity, all indicative of the ever present empathic traits.
It is impossible for you to become incognito. You are unable to remove your empathic traits. You cannot switch them off and pass undetected. Accordingly, you will always stand out to our kind. You will always be identifiable, you will be seen and therefore if our kind is in the vicinity, whether physically proximate or through the accessibility of technology, we will be drawn to you. Like sharks which scent blood, like the hungry dog which smells meat, we pick you out and converge on you in anticipation of the fuel that will flow from you.
You will aways be a magnet for our kind. You have been created with empathic traits and you will always keep them. You will remain that beacon which we see and flock to. You will always attract us.
Of course you may learn to dampen down the manifestation of your empathic traits by altering some of your behaviours. Certain actions, words and gestures might be reduced, lessened and altered to reduce the extent of the empathic traits which you exhibit, but your traits always shine through and you cannot maintain this cloaking for long. It is contrary to who you are how you conduct yourself. Your empathic traits are so extensive that even when you have suffered the beasting at our hands and mouths, that when you have been drained, numbed and exhausted, the empathic traits will remain.
The empath will not shine with them as brightly and following the full horror of the devaluation and discard,t he empath will not function with such an obvious display of empathic traits because the brutality of the treatment will cause some diminution in function and display.
The super empath will continue to display these empathic traits because this person has the capacity to endure so much and then still have sufficient function to escape what has happened, once there is the eventual realisation as to what has happened. Once the super empath has had enough, they will seek their escape and their empathic traits continue to shine brightly.
The co-dependent, no matter how brow-beaten, how ground into the dirt he or she is, will continue to exhibit those empathic traits because the co-dependent would rather give you his or her last breath rather than take it for themselves. They continue to give, even when there seems there is nothing more that can be taken and thus their empathic traits remain on display.
This is why it is so often the case that you are almost passed from one of our kind to another. You are discarded but your empathic traits remain evident and thus another of our kind flocks to you, ready to gorge on the fuel which is generated by your empathic traits. Even if you escape, you continue to signal your suitability to us. You are unable to do anything other than stand out in this way.
It is only when you have gained the insight and understanding into knowing who it is that you keep attracting and why, that you finally learn what to watch out for. You cannot change what you are, indeed, why should you? What you can alter is your ability to identify us when we make that bee-line for you. As you radiate empathic traits, we also exhibit the narcissistic traits which once understood and once recognised in the behaviour of the everyday, mean you finally see and take notice of the red flags, flashing lights and blaring klaxons which herald this danger.
You will always be destined to be a magnet for us. That will never change. We will flock to you, be attracted to you and seek you out, our instincts seeking that scent of the empath which tells us that our needs will be met and fuel will be provided.
You will draw our interest and attention because the empathic traits flow from you. You will, once you gain the knowledge and understanding, know who it is who has joined you at the bar and flashed you that winning smile and then you can the seize the power.
17 thoughts on “Narc Magnet”
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Dear Mr Tudor,
I have never ‘exposed’ myself dress wise. I have always covered up. I have been modest, demure, subtle and ladylike at all times.
Never for one moment did I think I would attract narcissists.
I could literally wear a potato sack and poof … a narc 🎩🐰
😂
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
When I first arrived, I asked what it is that we do that makes us so obvious. This article did not make sense then, I couldn’t see how people were seen so differently. Now I understand, I am very happy about this. I love being an empath, I love that it shows that I am one and I love knowing that I can protect myself against any narcs that notice it. I do have to be vigilant, not foolish, but it’s doable, this is very empowering.
Hi A Victor, I feel the same it is empowering. I never even knew that Empaths existed. Thanks to the Empath detector.
Hi Eternity! I’ve been missing you! I hope all is going well! On another thread today, someone said I had made the decision to move in with my parents without knowing they were narcissists. I think that decision would’ve been different had I had that knowledge. Now I need to get this info to my daughter, we are all so concerned, her narc is drinking more and has a huge facade, many many people who think he’s wonderful. My son is planning to stand up to him the next time he’s rude to one of us, it happens every time we together. I’m concerned about my daughter if that happens. We going to our family Thanksgiving in a bit, we’re all dreading him being there but feel so bad for her and the kids. She’s expressed concern about how he disciplines the older one, who’s only 3. It is a mess. I need to get the NDC for him and the EDC for her ASAP. She needs the power. She’s been in a respite because they had a baby and moved into a house, I hate to think what’s going to happen when that crashes. Thank you for listening, it is heavy on my mind now since we’re going soon. Good to see you Eternity, I have missed you.
Awww thank you A Victor you are a sweetheart ! This is crazy what you are are going through Jesus ! WTF she needs the power get out and stay out! So many people are in these terrible situations and don’t know who and what they are dealing with. I feel bad for her ! Hopefully she can make the decision and leave before she gets pregnant again .
Yes, the second one was a surprise, so that is a possibility I guess. I hope the same! Good to see you Eternity!
“She’s expressed concern about how he disciplines the older one, who’s only 3. It is a mess. I need to get the NDC for him and the EDC for her ASAP. She needs the power. She’s been in a respite because they had a baby and moved into a house, I hate to think what’s going to happen when that crashes.”
Oh my AV, I hope you’re able to get your daughter to see some logic.
Thank you WC, I hope so also. It is a process, and one that is on hold during her respite period.
AV,
Putting the process on hold during respite is very wise.
Personally, I always try to remember that nobody wants to be told what to think. HG points this out often and it has guided much of what I say or don’t say when it comes to talking about narcissism to anyone (professionals, family, etc.).
One thing that you mentioned – and that you may be able to cash in on later – is that it bothers your daughter when she sees how her children’s father applies discipline.
This is one of the things that bothered me about my ex, while in the relationship – and it wasn’t so much discipline but how his approach with our son was pushy, overbearing and antagonistic. But it started out in such small increments…just gentle play fighting in the beginning. But now I remember (when son was about 2 or 3 and sitting on his dad’s lap) how my ex would laugh when our son, ineffectually, would push back with hands or little fists. I realize now that that chuckling was him feel powered (fueled) by his son’s frustration in those situations. It bothered me but didn’t flag hugely because I thought “Well, that’s how boys play.” And some people whom I have shared this with say “Yes, boys all play like that.” To me, that is like stereotypically proclaiming that “all girls play with dolls.” So not the truth.
Anyway, if your daughter has expressed concern over this issue, it likely means that her emotional response to this has flagged with with her narcissist. That means the behaviour will continue at some point and perhaps get worse…and if she is a concerned mom (who is not too worn down at that point), her fear for her children may be a serious motivator to get out.
WC, you hit so many things on the head here! I have seen that exact type of “play” with my sil and my grandson! And it made me so uncomfortable, reading your comment now it makes me want to cry, my gut was right! Thank you for these words of wisdom and for the encouragement that I was responding to it correctly. I have seen how my other son in law and his boys interact, it is so different, no worries have ever crossed my mind! My mother used to “play” in this same manner I just remembered. Not often, but when she did it was always at her whim and never fun, never ever. I remember hating it and getting so angry and frustrated. She wouldn’t stop even when we begged her to. Thank God it only rarely happened. I stopped her forceful behaviors with my kids and we do with my grandkids also. She takes offense, she had no sense of it being a violation for people, it’s so sickening.
Yes, I will be there when/if my daughter reaches out, it is a balancing act until then. Thank you again.
AV, I’m so sorry to hear this. I hope your daughter finds the awareness that she needs. If she’s expressing concern, maybe she’s gaining awareness. I hope she’ll be ok. It’s very difficult watching our children become engaged with toxic people and not being able to do anything about it.
Hi Leigh, yes, it is horrible! She called me today for parenting advise, something I have never done with my mother haha, it was touching to me. She said her husband would agree and back her on it, I hope she is correct. That little guy clung on to me at our Thanksgiving day, I could see the lack of interaction and connection between those boys and their father. It is so sad. But I think it is an indicator that I can be helpful to the boys, as you have mentioned being an interferer…interceder?…interdimension???…why can I not remember that word!!! Haha, the Narc in that house thinks I am an interferer anyway, so that fits!
Its intervener. Lol! It happens to me all the time! I constantly have trouble remembering words. It makes me crazy sometimes
I would NEVER go to my mothe for advice either. No way, no how! Its nice that you can be there for her and the boys.
I was listening to Harry’s Wife 88 14 Will the Children Become Narcissists the other day and Mr. Tudor suggested on that video the Child Defender Package. I think I’m going to get it. The cake is baked for my children but once they start having babies I was to make sure I’m the interloper.
Interloper!! Hahaha!! Yes, I think all his assistance packages are likely amazing, the ones I have are for sure.
LOL! By the end of my comment, I used the wrong word.
Awww that’s so so lovely to read AV xx
Thank you Alexissmith! I’m discovering my sense of self! It’s exciting!