The 7 Truths About Narcissistic Friendships
- Our friends don’t really like you
The people that we choose to provide our inner and outer circle of friends have all been charmed by us and roped into our sphere of influence for the purpose of providing us with fuel, traits and residual benefits. They in return are granted repeated audiences with ourselves, they are able to gaze on the Sun King and benefit from their association with such a social titan. When you are admitted to my sphere of influence as an intimate partner these friends of mine only like you because they know that this is their role and they must do so in order to remain able to attend my court. Should I give the instruction they will turn their backs on you in an instant. Never believe that you can turn to them in a moment of need. You will head straight into a brick wall. Should you be admitted into my sphere of influence as another member of the inner or outer circle then these friends are your competitors. They are all seeking my favour, either to remain in the inner circle or to achieve promotion to it, such is the allure and attraction of being friends with me. These other friends will smile and welcome you, because that is what is expected of them but they are smiling assassins who will pounce and delight in plunging the dagger of isolation and ostracising into your back should I will that to happen. You are entering a viper’s nest.
- It is a one-way street
You will benefit from your association with me as a friend and you will enjoy my company, who would not when I am charming, magnetic and interesting but you are only allowed to occupy this positon so long as you are giving. You must provide me with the fuel to keep me topped-up through your praise and admiration. I expect you to be an errand boy for me, you will carry out my machinations on my behalf when I require you to manipulate someone by proxy, you will get me things, give me things and do things for me all because you want to stay in the elevated position of my friendship. It is also highly likely that I will possess some information about you or something you want which compels your compliance also. You are the giver and I am the taker. It is one way.
- Our friends do not know what we are
The blazing brightness of our brilliance is such that it obscures what we really are. Any complaints about our behaviour will be met with rejection and a confused response. They have always been treated well by us. We let them join us and we allow them to follow in our wake which has numerous benefits. They have no idea what we actually are for if they did they would no continue to be part of our retinue. They do not want to know any different however because they have been brainwashed into thinking that the status quo is to their advantage and therefore they see no reason to entertain anybody who seeks to usurp us.
- Your friends are all targets
I have no interest in making friends with your friends. They are beneath me but I will regard them as targets. There may well be your replacement amongst them and how satisfying would that be to corrupt one of your supporters to turn against you and sit at my right hand? I will charm and ensure that your friends think well of me as this will not only make my seduction of you as my primary source far easier, it will also provide me with fuel, traits and residual benefits as well. You friends are targets to be my new primary source, members of my coterie and even lieutenants so that I have a fifth columnist in your camp willing to act on my behalf when the inevitable devaluation begins.
- Our friendships are defined by the usefulness
As I have explained the concept of friendship for us all about what we can take from it and therefore so long as someone is providing us what we require, complying with our wishes and carrying out what we want then the friendship will endure. Should one of our friends see through us, turn against us or begin to fail in their assigned role it is of little consequence to us that we may have known them for ten years or more. It is of no concern that we go drinking with them every Friday, if they do not function as a constituent appliance then they will be switched off, excluded and replaced. We make friends easily and we keep them far easier than you might think. Very few leave us. We usually do the jettisoning.
- Our friends must never outshine us
We like our friends to be beautiful and handsome but not better looking than us. We like to have a beautiful crowd around us, it signals to the world that we are special. We want the interesting folk, the talented, the successful and so forth as we are able to steal traits from all of these people to accentuate our own success and popularity so we are better able to seduce more people into our sphere of influence. We want them to achieve, look good, be fascinating so long as none of them outshine us. We benefit from the reflected glory but it must not shine brighter than our star otherwise someone will have to be exited. There is only room for one king on this throne.
- We appear to like our friends but we like their fulfilment of The Prime Aims really
The members of our inner or outer circles often appear to be liked by us. This is purely the outer manifestation of our fuel-filled selves. What we really like is that our friends are satisfying The Prime Aims. The fact we say you are a good badminton partner, really means that you provide us with fuel and the residual benefit of having someone to undertake some sporting exercise with. The fact we declare we enjoy our morning lift-share with you, really means we enjoy the fuel you provide and that you are providing the residual benefit of enabling us to save money. Remain within our control, fulfil one or more of the prime aims and as a friend, a Non Intimate Secondary Source you will appear to be liked.
19 thoughts on “The 7 Truths About Narcissistic Friendships”
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H.G: I so relate to this article ….7Truths About……..
Every article you write and speak about I know so well and relate… Competition, backstabbing etc….
I’ve been “stung”way too many times and have learned much……
“You are entering a vipers nest…..
Whether in work or play that above statement has always been my”theme” of the day…naturally..
My friends won’t like you. Why not?
We are so good together. We are?
You are so good for me. I am?
You are so beautiful and lucky to have me. That’s true!
And the list goes on and on…..
I’ve learned to chuckle about it now and just move with the flow wherever I am meant to go….
Friend or Foe……King or Queen…let me see..
Greater or Ultra….only the best for me…
What kind of “fun” may I have here..
As far as competition is concerned; sports yes most definitely…..but to compete for someone’s favor no matter the “Joe” gee I guess it has alot to do with how much he “stimulates” my 5 senses.. and Me
It’s really quite simple when you think about it. Sometimes a “girl’s gotta do what she’s gotta do..
Especially if she’s trying to catch the interest of a guy for a friend like you….afterall why settle for “less” when you can have the “best” HG……..need I say more…haha
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All in fun…Merry Christmas 🌲⛄
HG ….How do narcs do that ? How do the lessers mid range charm their friends . They don’t have much money or property usually ? And …they lessers look Agressive and sometimes not physically visually attractive ? Making others feel sorry for the them is the only thing I can think of ?
Flattery and compliments, witticisms, humour, politeness, good manners – there a lots of non-monetary ways to charm.
In order to work, they must be believable though, and not all narcissists are capable of that.
I’ll take any compliments which come my way AV. I remember at a gym I used to go to. There was a tight entrance and exit and I used to stand in front of the door snd wouldn’t let people in or out until they’d paid me a compliment. Hahaha god I’m such a loser lol
I learnt that from the N who brought me to this site. He would actually genuinely compliment me then ask for one in return, usually specified that he wanted me to say I think he’s handsome!! When I most definitely did not.
Maybe we pick up their character traits too haha – why not? I at least let people choose what they wanted to say
😂 Alexissmith, this made me laugh so much! How did you tell them you wanted as compliment? And then your loser sentence!! Hilarious, and you are not!! Yes, I’ve actually wondered also how much normals and empaths pick up from others, but I think it’s the motivator that’s is different. And you let people choose!! Hahaha…so funny!
Hahahah I was literally blunt and direct and told them they couldn’t come in or leave until they had. Everyone was compliant hahahah
Of course it was a place where everyone knows everyone and I knew I was well liked so could get away with it.
@Alexis
🤣 I can’t with you
I’m so socially awkward I don’t speak to anyone at the gym, I try to leave that for my partner to do as much as possible
I once asked a guy if he was finished with the reclining bench and he kept pretending that he didn’t understand me and kept saying “what!? What!?” Aggressively. It’s like if you actually listen to what I am saying before saying “what” then maybe you would hear me.
He probably was a lesser who thinks women shouldn’t be at the gym getting stronger… they should be at home with the baby
Aww witch, I can’t imagine you being socially awkward at all. No way! I can be sometimes too but it’s more down to the person/people who are there. But most of the time I couldn’t care less. You certainly don’t come across that way on here. Literally everyone ends up getting involved in my workouts lol probably more then I do hahaha
Let’s go together xxx
@Alexis
It’s easier for me online to express myself because I’m better at it in writing.
It takes time for me to feel comfortable with someone and that’s probably partly why Narcs don’t like me for very long because it’s takes time and effort on their part to get the fuel which none have patience for and I don’t blame them.
Time and effort is for people who can have something genuine
I had a guy at the gym try to come on to me. He got mad and aggressive because he was trying to get my attention and I was ignoring him. I was like dude, I actually didn’t think you could possibly be talking to me. That’s how low my self esteem is 🤣
@a victor true …but I’m around many lessers in construction because of the narc I know …and they do know how to flatter when necessary. I think they learn it very very young for survival with other bullies .
A victor Sometimes they are believable and sometimes they aren’t. But if they are older and have a certain style of life they’ve been believed by others a lot. Sometimes they choose crime it’s not like they aren’t believed all the time. Sometimes when I compliment a person they don’t believe me . I can see it on their face. Narcs know how to make a certain person believe them most the time. Not all the time, perhaps. But they know how to be personal and know how to make it seem truthful. The narc I know is believed by people every day .
Thanks Molly, I agree, most that I’ve come across are very good.
Yes! Exclude flattery (it turns me off), but compliments, witticisms, humour, politness and good manners attracts me much more than money and physical appearance.
Jasmin,
I agree with you here. Flattery and compliments signal ‘suspect’ to me. I can accept compliments but only much, much later. It’s a feeling of a person not having the right to speak to me that way until they know me. If compliments are issued early on, I think you could actually see me recoil, or at least physically step back.
Yes, flattery isn’t genuine. I sense that and it just makes me suspicious as to why they are flattering me!? Do they have bad intentions?
I must admit that I like to get compliments. I prefer getting compliments about my characteristics and cualities rather than looks. Too many compliments about looks signals superficiality (wish I hate) and will make me feel like the person only see me as a shell (object).
Having spent time in here. Learnt that excessive complementary is a red flag I hope that I’ll hande it like you do and step back!
Dear Mr Tudor,
Abundant compliments and giving a female a rose, wins hands down every time …..narcs know this trick
Luv Bubbles xx 🤶🏻
HG …yes pretend good manners are used , and pretend politeness. Very true . The narc will come across as very accommodating too . He will do what a woman tells him , almost like a slave at times, with a “ and what else can I do for you attitude ?” Thank you HG