The Virtues of Keeping Your Mouth Shut

 

One of the most effective tools you can deploy against the narcissist is understanding the virtues of keeping your mouth shut.

This Logic Bulletin arms you with information for just US $ 19.99, for a comprehensive explanation as to why adopting these virtues is very much advantageous for you.

The Logic Bulletin covers

  • Why empathic victims fail ordinarily to remain quiet
  • What causes empathic victims to open their mouths
  • A series of methods by which silence should be adopted
  • The impact of keeping your mouth shut on the narcissist
  • The impact of adopting the virtues on your No Contact regime
  • The positive impacts for you by adopting the virtues
  • The negative impacts which arise if you fail to utilise the virtues
  • The relationship between the virtues and the narcissist smearing you
  • The relationship between the virtues and your successful harnessing of help against the narcissist
  • What the virtues are, how to recognise them and where you should deploy them

This unrivalled information will be provided to you through an audio file delivered by email and forms part of your growing armour to escape and beat the narcissist.

Obtain here

48 thoughts on “The Virtues of Keeping Your Mouth Shut

  1. Bubbles says:

    Dearest lickem,
    I wondered why they just didn’t take the phone off the hook

    1. lickemtomorrow says:

      Bubbles, good point!

      That would have temporarily solved the overnight problem and trying to get some sleep, but I think they also ran a business, so daytime unavailability is out of the question.

      I had to have a little think about how you could get around this and I think I would change the number after letting my child know they had my address if they wanted to make contact. That way there’s a door still open, I’d get it in writing, and could stop the telephone harrassment. If they did own a business, potentially their number would still be available, but there may also be a way to avoid picking up calls or immediately cutting them off. Perhaps a msg machine/option where you can hear who is on the other end before picking up and get a recording of any harassment at the same time.

      I think part of the problem might have been that it was HER money, not theirs. I’ve only watched it once, so I could be wrong, but I’m not sure they could refuse to hand over her money even if they thought she was under duress if she is the one requesting it.

      Really difficult situation and goes to show how many people are in a bind when it comes to the narcissist/predator. He not only ties up his victim, but all others associated with them who also unwittingly become victims. These are the things you can most regret when cutting ties with the narcissist. You have opened up your world to them and they will take full advantage. It’s a frightening thought when it comes to a predator as dangerous as this one because he had/has no qualms about impacting other people’s lives. It’s not just the prey that get eaten, greedy as the narcissist is for fuel and what he feels entitled to as well.

      1. Bubbles says:

        Dearest lickem,
        Sorry lovely, just saw your comment and very much appreciate your response
        The daughter must surely be having counselling for life ….no one would end up sane after all that.
        A truly incredible far fetched sounding story ….but in this case, horrendously a true one when a narcissist is involved …..unfortunately, they affect everyone, without doubt.
        Luv Bubbles xx 😘

        1. lickemtomorrow says:

          Hey Bubbles, I really had to think that one through after you made your point. It really got me thinking, as a parent myself, what would I do if that was my child. It must be so complex when your child becomes involved with a narcissist or any type of conman/woman (i.e. sociopath!) in terms of knowing how to handle it, what steps to take to help untangle them from their ensnarement, and what to do if that is not possible. The problem is they are in the narcissist’s power/control, and we as parent’s have had to release our control when they become adults. We hope they ask for our advice and I’m still shocked this young girl trusted him more than her parents and saw fit to treat them so brutally. It just goes to show the power of the narcissist/predator to turn their heads and impose their will. The children who have also ‘lost’ their mother. And he turns these people with no sense of conscience or remorse. It’s so hard for an empath to understand.

          I’m sure the daughter would need an incredible amount of support coming out of that. It was 10 years! How did he maintain the charade for so long? I think the final experience of being locked in a filthy bathroom with no escape finally woke her up from her trance. Both her and her parent’s lost 10 precious years of their lives 🙁

          They do affect everyone, Bubbles.

          Thanks for sharing your thoughts again <3 x

          1. Bubbles says:

            Dearest lickem,
            How does a barman single-handedly scare the bejeezus out of these young gullible students into truly believing he was an undercover agent working for MI5 spying on an IRA cell in the college, without backup confirmation or any other accredited authority body/network?

            Poor Peter and his wife lose their daughter Sarah for 10 years but still continues to love and want her back immediately she returns after all the unimaginable suffering she put them through. The true hero was Peter the dad, in my book, such unrelenting dedication. I couldn’t believe the lack of interest by the police.

            John Atkinson and Sarah Smith handed over £400,000 and £300,000 to this conman.
            ‘Coercive control’ is very powerful and appears to affect more people than we realise. I don’t hold out much hope for the Jake and Sophie’s mother. Even though she abandoned her children, they’d have her back in a heartbeat.
            I really have problems with the judicial system. How does he get out on an appeal, after all he’s done?

            How did he maintain the charade for so long, extremely clever operator ? This story definitely warrants the Tudorscope, especially one so incomprehensible.
            The mind boggles at the judicial system and how the hell did he get out on his appeal? I would’ve thrown away the key lickem.

            Just be very careful of any pedigree dog breeders you come across in America.
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

          2. lickemtomorrow says:

            Ah, Bubbles <3

            Good question about the barman, and I'm guessing he knew how to pick his targets. He got the first guy who got the rest. I think he was appealing to circumstances at the time (tensions and fear around the IRA running high), he created a plausible case scenario (fertilizer being used in bomb making equipment and it's accessibility at the College) and he also discovered a vulnerable victim. If he's the barman he's carrying on conversations with the patrons and no doubt getting a read off them. He's a predator and that's what predators do.

            Taking into consideration the ages of the victims – so young and naive as you said – they may have been open to someone older and with more experience leading them, in the sense they were less inclined to question based on that and no doubt his ability to spin the story that got them all ensnared. Trust had likely developed in the friendship group and via relationships in the household he targeted which meant there was an element of contagion to the hysteria. Once guy accepted what he was told and the others accepted it from him. I still wonder about the guy who was left behind. Normal, maybe? Less easily conned?

            I also couldn't believe the lack of interest by the police and they seemed to have a very laissez faire attitude about the whole thing. The father was a trooper in his efforts to track down his daughter. I admire him greatly for never giving up. It must have been so hard for him to maintain that stoic exterior, all the while it was likely killing him inside. Both parent's and child suffered so much. I think the mother let the father take the lead, and he did. All they could do then was wait.

            Coercive control is insidious, and devastating. I think it's the salami slicing affect HG talks about where it overtakes people only gradually, so before they know it they're in deep. They haven't seen what they're getting into until it's too late. The perpetrator already has a hold over them. It has to be incredibly hard to break away from that once they have stolen your self esteem and sense of self worth. You've got little left to fight with at that stage, but as we see it can be done.

            I despise the way the justice system works at times. Just finished watching "Inventing Anna" and I feel the same disgust all over again. I'm disgusted that the Tinder Swindler is out and able to do his thing again. The number of lives these people affects and yet the justice system creates loopholes that they keep escaping through. Little thought is given to the fact they are unrepentant and ultimately disordered (unable to be rehabilitated), meaning they will do it again, and again, and again.

            Those poor children whose mother may never return to them. It's bad when it's your child, it must be devastating when it is your mother. Fortunately their father is there to help stand in the gap.

            I think he's breeding dogs in France, but everyone is suspect now, Bubbles! xox

  2. lisk says:

    One of the best logic bulletins I’ve ever purchased.

    Thankful that I can listen to it over and over again until I can perfect The Art of Zipping The Lips. 💋

    1. HG Tudor says:

      HG approves.

  3. Asp Emp says:

    After a lifetime of ‘conditioning’ (abuse) and not being ‘allowed’ to be ‘me’, not given the opportunity to really ‘delve’ into what I had endured until coming here and speaking out about it. I am aware that I may, or may not, have “spoken up” about it in a direct way, maybe indirectly but not always. When it was not “possible” for me to ‘voice’ what I needed to voice, ie communicate what was ‘hurting’ me (either I did not understand because of my neurodiversities and / or I was too young), there were many occasions where I felt I was ‘forced’ to ‘hold’ that ‘hurt’ down and ‘file’ it away with the other hurts that already existed in there – two parts of my body – my mind and my emotions (instincts “storage” area).

    An ACON will have experienced eroded empathy. They will have experienced ‘shut up or else’. They will have experienced paranoia, smearing, bullying…… it is truly, utterly soul-destroying and isolating.

    I now have the Knowledge and the Empowerment. I have spent my time learning so I will damn well apply it. It’s my moral duty 🙂

    HG understands. That’s why his Legacy exists.

    1. A Victor says:

      Great comment Asp Emp!

    2. Bubbles says:

      Dearest Asp Emp,
      Articulated perfectly lovely one, I can relate only too well
      Thank you
      Luv Bubbles xx 😘

      1. Asp Emp says:

        Bubbles, thank you for your words, it is much appreciated 🙂 x

        1. Bubbles says:

          AE, always a pleasure 🥰
          I could not add to your wise words

  4. alexissmith2016 says:

    Anyone who hasn’t seen this true story on Netflix, its very good incredibly interesting. About a conman who seduces women and takes their money. Has convinced people both men and women he works for MI5 and to go on the run with him. When you watch, even knowing what I know it’s hard to understand how people can be so trusting and believing of someone telling such outrageous lies. But they do/we do! it’s unreal!

    The Puppet Master: The true story of conman Robert Hendy-Freegard

    1. Bubbles says:

      Dearest alexissmith2016,
      Just watched it 😱
      Sarah’s father was incredible, what a loving caring dad

      Duran Duran …… Hungry like the wolf 🐺 …..Bit Fat Liar 🤥

      Thank you for the recommendation ….. Mr Bubbles and I we are still in shock 😱
      Luv Bubbles xx 😘

      1. Alwxissmith2016 says:

        Aww really glad you both enjoyed it bubbles. Sarah’s father was a very intriguing character, incredibly stoic and relentless in his pursuit of the truth and getting his daughter back and yer seemed relaxed about it all too. I was unsure what to make of him.

        I know when I talk of past events where I’ve put much effort in when emotionally it has taken its toil i probably come across in a similar manner. Yet when caught up in it all I would have been far more emotional.

        I thought it interesting that he was not prepared to give any money ans his wide was – did.

        I believe I would have done anything. Hard to know.

        The guilt the other guy felt (I forget his name but the one who had to pretend he didn’t have long to live) was tangible. I really felt for him. And the kids who have no idea how their mother could end up loving someone or at least believing she loves them more than her own children was heart wrenching.

        1. lickemtomorrow says:

          Part of me wondered why Sarah’s parent’s didn’t just change their number, rather than be tormented by the constant phone calls at all hours. Then I thought, how will she herself get or keep in touch with them if they did? They didn’t want to cut her off, but they also knew she was under duress and didn’t want to give her the money. That was an incredible bind for loving parents, and the ‘sting’operation which helped bring his antics to an end, engineered with the FBI relating to another party, was perfect … too bad the justice system fucked it up! Some of these guys must wonder why they do the job and take the risk to finally capture criminals and bring them to court only to have it all thrown back in their faces at the end of the day.

          I think the wife, in the end, couldn’t take any more. The husband, I agree, was stoic and probably very much a man of his generation. He was also incredibly persistent in trying to track his daughter down, and I believe she did feel grief stricken about how she had treated her family under his influence. This is the dilemma for many victims of narcissists, and he seems particularly powerful in his ability to manipulate others. This man is a really dangerous individual on that account alone. He hasn’t killed anyone yet, but he has killed hopes and dreams, relationships, friendships, possibilities. Only three episodes, but that was enough trauma for me.

        2. Bubbles says:

          Dearest Alexis,
          Sarah’s father, Peter, was so relaxed it made him stand out and make you wonder about his stoic demeanour. He was methodical, careful, patient and saw thru Hendy immediately. To conduct his own intelligence investigation was quite impressive. Obviously his wife became a nervous wreck and relented. (I wouldn’t have handed over any money)

          The gullibility and length of ‘coercive control’ to all Hendy’s victims was and is still absolutely mind blowing. The mother of Jake and Sophie, Sandra, I believe has Stockholm’s syndrome. She met Hendy on a dating site 🚩 I’m surprised Hendy still keeps her, must be either for money or sex.

          John Atkinson, the so called ‘cancer’ victim, was a coerced empath riddled with guilt for his actions and appeared extremely nervous and embarrassed.

          The enormity of this fantasy concocted by ‘one’ man, Hendy, was quite feasible at that time I guess, however, I would’ve gone to my parents first and told Hendy to rack off
          It’s incredible what instilling fear can do to people

          Yet again, the justice system has failed and continues to protect the offender on technicalities whilst not fully understanding about evil narcissism and life destroying behaviour to those involved. Evil people always seem to appeal, they know the law better than the lawyers
          If there wasn’t proof from the police, you’d say it was all made up

          Thank goodness ‘coercive control’ became a Serious Crime Act 2015 in the UK (Australia’s still considering it, unbelievable) and hopefully it will be a matter of time before Hendy gets caught and sent to jail for good.

          I hope the kids, Jake and Sophie, get all the mental help possible because the mum is, as sure as hell, certainly going to need it

          Truly unbelievable
          Luv Bubbles xx 😘

      2. I was thinking this evening Bubbles, if he’d been playing depeche mode on repeat we’d all think it was HG hahha

        1. Bubbles says:

          Alexis, I thought exactly the same 🤣😂

        2. A Victor says:

          I had the same thought!

          HG…so how do you feel about Duram Duran…? 😂

          1. HG Tudor says:

            Duram Duran, is that a tribute band from the north east of England?!

          2. A Victor says:

            Dang, I knew you’d spot that autocorrect!!

            Let’s try it again…

            HG…so how do you feel about Duran Duran…? 😂

          3. HG Tudor says:

            They’re not Depeche Mode.

          4. A Victor says:

            Haha, true…

            (Note to self, do not get in cars with men who have bands beginning with D playing…)

          5. Violetta says:

            Tribute to what? Jane Fonda movies?

          6. k mac says:

            I had a male friend once with A.s.p.d. and he was up Depeche modes bottom too. Although I suspect he was a narcissist. But seriously he loves them! He tried to sleep with me, I said no. We are no longer friends 😆

      3. Asp Emp says:

        Bubbles, ah, Duran Duran, oh yes, I liked them once too. Eye of the Tiger, Survivor, yes, we were watching a video of them at school. I was holding a guinea pig that the school had – fkg hell, I had completely forgotten about that! Thank you for ‘unlocking’ that memory at the mention of the band 🙂

        1. Bubbles says:

          AE, Good catchy song 🎧
          Hope the Guinea pigs ok
          I have many songs in my head over the years …..that’s why it’s a such a mess
          🤣😂🤣😂
          Luv Bubbles xx 😘

          1. Asp Emp says:

            Bubbles says “Hope the guinea pigs ok”, I think it’s either been haunting the dark corridors of the old manor building for the last half century or so, or enjoying the sweet meadows in Heaven. They only live around 8 years 😉 Yes, Prince Charming Adam Ant was one we all liked at school too. 🙂

          2. Bubbles says:

            AE, I was being playful 😝 as I’ve read where Guinea pigs can be sensitive to loud prolonged music and it can cause inner ear damage
            I’ll go for enjoying the sweet meadows in heaven 😇
            🤣😂

          3. Asp Emp says:

            Bubbles, I know you were being playful 😉 TBH the music was not that loud in the spacious room. It was a medium sized TV and in them days, the sound ‘facility’ was pretty crap 😉 At least it did have subtitles facility, so that was bonus! 🙂

    2. lisk says:

      I canceled Netflix long ago but might sneak in a free trial to watch this one!

      1. alexissmith2016 says:

        It’s most definitely worth it if you can. Or even borrow the log in details from a friend because you can set it up on more than me device.

        1. lisk says:

          I ended up signing up for a month and watched all last night. Great stuff!

          I wonder if anyone here has ever been one of his victims???

    3. lickemtomorrow says:

      Alexis, watched it. What a shocker!

      This guy is something else in terms of manipulation. The poor people who fell for his lies, losing years of their lives and so many opportunities. It goes to show how adept he is when he can encourage a mother to leave her children and ultimately drop all contact with them. I can’t believe, in spite of everything, she remains holed up with him and he remains free. Seriously, the justice system has a lot to answer for at times when originally he was jailed for life. The woman he is with now would never have met him if it wasn’t for his appeal and being given a more lenient sentence. Somehow the justice system fails to take into account the destruction to people’s lives, leaving him free to destroy more people’s lives. And that woman met him on a dating site … we have been warned!

      1. Absolutely LT. it’s just awful what those poor people have been through and continue to go through. And As we know there are many more people out there suffering where the manipulations may in some ways be more subtle but makes it even more difficult to see and competehend why we feel so crap!

        1. lickemtomorrow says:

          I was astounded he was able to sell them the ‘cover story’ of being an MI5 agent, yet at the same time fascinated with his ability to have ensured they believed him by also garnering personal information to help convince them. How did he do that? It’s not like these days where we have the internet at our fingertips and can do searches galore! Most of our information was much more private and harder to access. Perhaps he was thorough about doing his homework before approaching them. There is a lot of careful planning in what he did and he obviously totally lacks any kind of conscience in manipulating these people and destroying their lives the way he did, and sadly continues to do. I call psychopath on his ass, and it’s clear how that label doesn’t have to mean murder when looking at this case. He still got caught, so not as clever as he thinks.

    4. k mac says:

      Just watched it too. Thank you Alexis for the recommendation l. I’m still scratching my head as to how he convinced these people to go along with this wild story for so many years!

      1. alexissmith2016 says:

        It’s quite astonishing isn’t it but these were people who were rather intelligent I believe. What I’m surprised about with Sarah, is that she doesn’t strike me as someone who is an empath. Perhaps empathic veering towards normal?

        For some they were young and naive and I recall being a young child and quite concerned about the IRA. So I guess fear played a role in this too.

        I can’t help but thing though after even an hour or so of being hungry and stuck in a bathroom I’d have quickly reached the conclusion that I’d rather be shot than live such an existence. If I was stranded on a desert island with another person with no other food source it wouldn’t be long at all before they became my lunch! Rescuers would come later that first day ans be shocked that I’d tucked into them already hahah

        1. k mac says:

          🤣🤣🤣 I do love the dad though.

        2. lickemtomorrow says:

          Interesting how it took just one domino to make the rest fall … as in he convinced one guy who convinced the two women in his household. I’m still wondering what happened to the guy/housemate who was then left abandoned. He was the lucky one, but no doubt still impacted in the circumstances. The guy he convinced he chose well, or maybe it was pot luck that ended up working in Freegard’s favour. The guy was concerned, naturally, in the circumstances and so fear definitely played a part, but I think his narcissistic traits were also tapped into as he accepted the offer to be the eyes and ears of Freegard. That’s just my impression on first viewing, but it highlights for me how victims may be targeted. Our narcissistic traits are also vulnerabilities for the narc, not just our empathic traits. The narc can just as well feed our ego as drink of our empathy.

          LOL to you having tucked into the compatriot stranded with you on a desert island, Alexis 😛 Empathic trait of honesty? <3

  5. Asp Emp says:

    That fu*ken Lesser tells me to ‘shush’ when I was bollocking him about him and his side-kick co-director that they were using and abusing my disability against me. My response? “No, I won’t shush”. He did not want anyone to hear my words of injustice. It was a factual statement. It was witnessed by other people at work at the time(s) it happened.

  6. Moma G says:

    It is SO hard to keep quiet. I struggle with the need (compulsion) to say one more thing, that last word….Oi it is hard to be strong but I am trying every day.

    1. Alison says:

      I completely understand. This is a big struggle for me too. Once you realize that your words literally do nothing to help them understand your point of view because they simply aren’t willing or capable of doing so, it gets easier. Your hurt and anger only provide fuel.

      1. A Victor says:

        Once I realized my words give them fuel, it became much easier to not give this to them, to keep my mouth shut. I take a sad sort of pleasure in it now actually. Trying to untangle the word salads were a complete waste of time, they don’t want to get it, since by not getting it, we keep going, they keep getting fuel. It’s a nasty cycle.

        1. lisk says:

          This is great, A Victor!

          WORDS=FUEL is going onto my fridge and bathroom mirror!

          1. A Victor says:

            Lisk, glad to be of assistance! I have it stamped on my hand! 😂

Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Previous article

Do We Ever Listen?

Next article

One Thing Leads To Another