The Pursuit of Revenge

THE-PURSUIT-OF-REVENGE

 

I know you hate me. Your kind are filled with love and then filled with hate. There is no need to deny it. It is a normal reaction for someone like you and one which I entirely endorse and encourage. I know you will try and mask that burning anger that you feel by saying you pity me or that you have nothing but contempt for me but I can see it. Those sensational eyes of yours that once blazed with desire, passion and most of all hope, are now filled with the churning, billowing flames of hatred. Some of you will fight to contain this sensation. You fear that by giving in to this hatred that you will somehow be on a level with me. I can ease your fears in that regard. You are nowhere near my level and nor were you. I placed you far higher than me to begin with. Yes it was artificial and all part of my design but you had no complaint then did you? You did not object or demur when I thrust you skywards and planted you no that pedestal. Of course you did not. Who would? Nobody would and least of all somebody like you. Now you are on your true level, way down below me, cast onto stony ground, broken and shattered. Amazing though isn’t it how you managed to summon such an anger from somewhere. How many times had you said to your confidantes that you felt numb (yes they were reporting back to me). Yet now look at you. A seething, glowering fireball of hatred and it is all directed at me. I adore this.

You want to destroy me. I know you do. You all do. The one before you was exactly the same as the one before was and the one before her. The next one will be just the same,although I do still hold out some hope that she might just be different and somehow avoid the mistakes all those who have gone before have made. I have seen this hatred many times and your desire for revenge is strong. Of course it is. I made it this way. Everything I did as I brought you down low was programmed to cause you to eventually explode into hatred. From elation to despair, through broken to numb. Eventually the switch would be flicked and as puppet master I ignite the fire beneath you which stokes the flames of hatred. Despise me, go on, do it. Send those wicked words towards me. Tell me what a bastard I am. Keep it coming. Pull you hair, wave your fist and stamp your feet. Tell me how you are going to scratch my car. Feels good does it not? Believe me, it feels even better being on the receiving end of your bile and hate. Go on, sit with your friends and plot your revenge, I can feel you all huddled around your cauldron as you try and concoct ways at getting back at me. I feel so powerful knowing you are focussed on seeking retribution. This is what I want. I want to bask in the heat of your anger, I want to be covered in the disgust and distaste that you will spew towards me. I want you scheming, hatching and planning. By hurting you do deeply I plant inside you that overwhelming desire to get even with me. It happens every time and is all part of my master plan to ensure you, my beautiful appliance keep pouring fuel in my direction. I make you seek revenge for in doing so, your planning and ham-fisted execution of the same give me what I want. Fuel. You are blinded with your hatred so that you fail to realise you will not succeed in gaining revenge, not by shouting, spitting and scratching. Oh no, this overload of howling anger is just a banshee of fuel to me. I will twist and shift as I thwart your attempts, laughing at your pathetic efforts to try and get one over on me. This will spur you on as I lead you on yet another merry dance as I continue to take from you exactly what I need. So please, seek your revenge. You will not get it but I will be delighted seeing you try.

22 thoughts on “The Pursuit of Revenge

  1. Empath007 says:

    When I read this it makes me happy I took the high road with the new guy… while I DID pour our too many text messages of emotion. They were thankfully not even near the level of the narc. That could also have to do with the fact that I was not in the situation for long (only 2 months)… I don’t think the new guy is a narc, likely a normal and possibly even an empath. He tends to go for a certain type of woman (adventurous, loves star signs, etc).

    I’ve kept my narc on social media for 2 days now…. so far no Hoover but I have no reactions to that. I’m so hung up on the new guy I know I only added my narc in hopes of getting a little validation and attention.

    This article reminds me… I have no control over others… my energy is not best spent in anger or despair…. but in moving forward…

  2. Empath007 says:

    I’ve got a problem…. rejection from a new guy (long story I’ve told on another thread)…. is messing with my self esteem to the point where I am THIS close to trying to “friend” my narc on social media…. seriously…. I need self esteem lessons. One rejection does not mean I should run back to an abuser!!!! Like wtf?!!!!!! I’m in bad bad shape today.

    1. Empath007 says:

      I hit the request button… someone save me… tell me to block him if he responds 😳 4 years of hard work thrown down the drain (well… starting to be) all because I believe no one else can love me…. wth?!

      1. NarcAngel says:

        E007

        Ok. Block him if he responds.

        Better yet, go to the article Closure Denied Dec 2020 and read your comments there at that time.

        1. Empath007 says:

          I did! Thank you for reminding me that.

      2. Witch says:

        No one else?
        Sis he didn’t love you in the first place

      3. Savoy Truffle says:

        Block him if he responds!!!

      4. Truthseeker6157 says:

        Empath 007,

        Awww, one knock back doesn’t mean you aren’t desirable. It just means the person who knocked you back is stupid, probably partially sighted, and a bit rubbish in bed. Haha! Bet he’s got crusty feet as well. Look at it a different way. You escaped Sunday morning cuddles where he would have nuzzled into your neck, spooned you gently, then run that crusty foot right up your leg. The knock back was actually a good thing. Crusty feet are a deal breaker.

        Now to the narc. I don’t really do much Facebook, but I think he sees a friend request and any comment without you seeing that he saw it. Or is that just messenger? Don’t know. If he accepts the request, there’s no face saving to be done. It’s obvious you looked him up. Say nothing, unfriend, lock down your social media. Let him work it out for himself. You don’t owe any explanation.

        It’s only 4 years wasted if you allow it to be. Don’t be tempted to read anything or respond to anything. Unfriend and done.

        No one likes a knock back Empath 007. There are plenty of guys out there though who will see you for the person you are. Don’t waste your time lamenting someone who didn’t.

        Self esteem, feeling good, feeling sexy and desirable actually comes from within more than anything else I think. If you feel desirable in yourself, you’ll tend to take rejection more in your stride. The answer as you know isn’t to go back to an abuser. For me, training in the gym makes me feel sexy, builds my self esteem. Feeling strong, eating healthily, looking after myself builds my self confidence in a physical and mental sense. That isn’t for everyone but consider throwing yourself into something you enjoy, something that you can get better at, where you can be proud of your progress and small successes. No one can take those successes from you because you earned them. Other people aren’t really the solution to us feeling good about ourselves and being able to handle rejection. We are our own solution. I think so anyway.

        Block him Empath007. You can do better than that.

        Xx

        1. Escaped_Goat says:

          Just bookmarked this reply TS6157. This is some really great advice. 🙂

          1. Truthseeker6157 says:

            Thank you Escaped Goat, I’m really happy you found my thoughts on it useful.

            I haven’t seen your name before, are you a new arrival to the blog? If so, welcome!

        2. Duchessbea says:

          Great advice TS.
          Best,
          DB

          1. Truthseeker6157 says:

            Thank you Duchessbea. How are things with you? The last time we spoke you had just reclaimed your own space in your own apartment.

            Xx

      5. Gypsy Heart says:

        BLOCK HIM, BLOCK HIM, BLOCK HIM!!!!!!

        You will find love some day, but this is not the time when your emotional thinking is high. Take a break from the guys and find distraction and support elsewhere like this blog. You will thank yourself later. Believe me I have gone down that road from one toxic rationship to the next and it only compounded my situation to the point of breakdown. Don’t let that happen to you.

        Have faith in yourself and do what HG tells you to in the information provided. You can do this Empath 007.

        1. Empath007 says:

          Hello Gypsy, I was actually saying in another comment that I think my problem is I moved too slow… not fast… I put 3.5 years in between the narc and this new guy. Therefore I put a LOT of importance on this new guy and was desperate for it to work out. So much so, that I had lost all of my sexual confidence, so worried about what he was going to think. SO… I acually think it would be very good for me to get back on the horse sooner then later. Start dating again and not see it as these men are so important but some fun!

          As for the narc… friend request was accepted. so far no hoover. I am wanting the attention… but know what needs to be done… a good old fashioned blocking….

          1. Gypsy Heart says:

            Yes, at least don’t get pulled back in with the relatioships you know are toxic.

            Best wishes, Gypsy

          2. Witch says:

            @empath 007

            Don’t stress yourself. You will find someone.
            As an empath you inherently have a lot to offer.
            Go out, try new things and you will meet people.
            I met my partner on her door step because she was holding classes in her back garden.
            I admit I used some tactics I learnt from narcs to get her to notice me and it worked

      6. Empath007 says:

        Thank you all for your thoughtful replies. Truthfully I think I waited too long in between the narc and this other guy for a relationship, so I was putting too much value and importance on this other guy. What I really need to do is start dating, meet new people, and start learning to handle the rejection that will inevitably come my way – in order to start understanding it is not a personal reflection of me all the time. I REALLY like your comment truth seeker about finding it from within… truth be told, I think what may have turned this new guy off is my lack of inner confidence as he likes confident women. My narc understood I needed to be groomed… and told I was beautiful all the time… and as a result I was far more confident with him in the bedroom then anyone else, and as a result our “chemistry” was good…. So I think I was reaching out to him for a shot in the arm of confidence.

        He accepted the friend request very quickly but has not made a move yet in terms of messaging me. After all these years my ET is convincing me I could handle this a “summer sex” fling. knowing who he is and that he can’t give me more. The other half knows it is not at all that simple….and that I opening myself up to a world of hurt. Because I’m so hung up on the other guy I don’t find myself THAT much obsessing about the narc and what he’s thinking. But knowing me and who I am .. I know it could go there pretty quickly.

        I am back at the gym working on myself, my body etc. I know logically I am not an undesirable person… but this recent rejection really stung. He’s already seeing someone knew and she’s very attractive and its hurting quite a lot… I find myself spying on her Instagram. I am so happy I can talk about it here. All of your messages really have helped me today.

        I will hopefully get up the courage to block the narc with no explanation soon….. what’s wild is his FB page is essentially a time capsule of the last time we spoke (seriously) same profile pic… no new tagged photos. other then a few bits of useless posts (memes etc) he has put ZERO new information about himself on line since last we spoke…. he always was very very good at laying low and compartmentalizing.

        1. Truthseeker6157 says:

          Empath 007,

          You’re welcome, I’m really glad my comment resonated and even more glad you are back in the gym. That’s great for building confidence. Try to concentrate on going just for you. I know we all start off in the gym with the idea “I want to change this” or “I want to look like that ” We all do it. I enjoy it far more though when I set an ability target and have to work towards that instead. Getting stronger / managing to do something that I couldn’t do previously gives a far greater confidence boost than the “I want to look like this “ objective. It does for me anyway.

          Please remember though Empath 007, the gym is a hunting ground. Beware the tanned pumped up guy who hovers by the water cooler!

          Xx

    2. Asp Emp says:

      E007, I am sorry to read that it did not go well with this guy. You are someone who is worthy of love and friendship, with the right people who have your interests at heart. Block him already. Do not respond to him. Your ET conned you to do this. I understand you thinking the way you are at present. We all have dips in our learned knowledge, some can dip further down the spiral because of other factors going on at the same time. Rejection is something that can knock someone back quite significantly, it depends on what that person went through at an earlier point in their life.

      Block this guy. Get back on the horse of the weaponised empath saddle and gee up – you can do it. Try to focus, I know it is not easy, do not give up now. Just avoid making a ‘relationship’ for a bit while you get your ET / LT back into shape. Hang in there, E007 and continue to keep in contact on this blog 🙂

    3. Duchessbea says:

      Empath007, we have all been where you are and the most important thing to remember is that you will get through it. But to help you do that you have got to put in the work and the best and most fulfilling way to do that is to devour HG’s work (articles and videos). Maybe even a consultation with HG. Your ET seems to be quite high and your LT rather low, in that you are reacting and hurt over what happened. Understandable. You need to get the balance readjusted. The more work you put in for yourself, to help yourself, the more you will reap the benefits in feeling like a whole new happier and healthier you. Each and every time you feel like contacting the narc, come here to this blog and read HG’s articles and remind yourself why you found HG’s blog in the first place. You will soon forget about ever wanting to contact the narc again. I wish you well.
      Best,
      DB

  3. cameron redfern says:

    what if you do not want revenge. Because it was a complete waste of energy and time. It would not keep the interaction going and would not accomplish anything in the end.

    1. A Victor says:

      Hi Cameron Redfern, I have no desire, nor have I ever had any desire, for revenge. My thinking on it is exactly what you said. And it’s okay, I can live with that. Revenge is the one book of HG’s that I think I have not read. Partly because I do not desire it and also because I have a little concern that the book might make me desire it and I don’t want to. I think I have seen HG state somewhere that not all empaths want revenge.

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