Raising The Hoover Bar

 

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The hoover. It is one of the most discussed periods of the narcissistic entanglement. I am referring to it in the traditional sense, namely the three post-discard/escape hoovers, although as you will be aware from my works, there are other hoovers throughout the interaction between us and you.

There are most likely two reasons for the post discard/escape hoover being a prime topic of discussion. First, by the time you have worked out what you are dealing with you will have already experienced the seduction, devaluation and discard/escape. The post discard/escape hoover is what is occupying you now because it may have happened recently, is ongoing, or you anticipate it happening. The second reason is that the possibility of ongoing interaction with us continues to fascinate you and thus the post discard/escape hoover becomes the focus of much of your attention.

I have explained previously that if the Initial Grand Hoover has taken place and failed (this hoover being caused by your escape) then you will face follow-up hoovers thereafter, of a benign and/or malign nature. Their catalyst is whether you enter our spheres of influence through something you have done (spheres one to five) or the fact you have just entered out mind for some reason (sphere six). If you have entered a sphere of influence, we always consider (though dependent on the nature of your type of narcissist the degree of consideration varies considerably) whether a hoover could be effected. There are certain hurdles which will either prevent that hoover from taking place or reduce the likelihood of it taking place. These hurdles may well raise the bar so it is less likely that the Hoover Execution Criteria are met, meaning it is less likely you will suffer a hurdle. Knowing what these factors are and how we regard them is crucial in formulating your defences to maintain No Contact.  What, then,  are those hurdles?

  1. Your Whereabouts

If we do not know where to find you so that we can appear face to face and look to garner some excellent Proximate Fuel by turning up at your home, your work or somewhere else you frequent this naturally poses a considerable problem to us. A Greater Narcissist will apply some effort to ascertaining your whereabouts, a Lesser is unlikely to do much at all. Accordingly, as part of building your defences the necessity of changing where you can be physically found not only pays dividends in commencing No Contact but affecting the likelihood of a later hoover.

  1. Your Accessibility

In a similar vein we need to be able to contact you. If we do not have a physical place to either attend, drive past, leave or note or send a gift, then we will look to access you through electronic means. If we know your telephone number, we are far more likely to hoover or if we have a means of contacting you through an app or on social media. If you have effected a media blackout and managed to sustain it, the prospects of a hoover happening are vastly reduced.

  1. Gullibility of Friends and Family

We may have a lieutenant in your ranks already. If so, the prospects of being hoovered are increased as we will have them lined-up to leak to us where we can find you and how we can contact you. Even if there is no lieutenant, if there is the prospect for a hoover we (or one of our lieutenants) will approach people in your camp to gather this information. It is often done under a separate auspice – there may be an emergency, some post has arrived we need to pass on, there is something confidential to relay to you – and if your family and friends are trusted with contact information their susceptibility to releasing this information is important. Bear in mind several months may have passed and if a lieutenant approaches your parents or a friend, they may not be alert to the danger. If those who might have your contact information remain impregnable then the hoover prospects are diminished.

  1. Happy and Contented

If you are demonstrating (to the outside world at least) that you are happy and contented, then this will affect the hoover prospects. Generally speaking we expect you to still be pining for us and miserable. This is regarded as a condition which is fertile ground for a successful hoover. If we are aware that you are moving forward, you rarely mention us, you appear generally happy and content then the Lesser and Mid-Range of our kind will be less likely to attempt a hoover. This is because they may be easily rebuffed and even though you may do so in a pleasant way, the fuel gained will be minimal. You should be aware however that a Greater will regard you as a prospect to break and therefore will not be dissuaded by seeing you happy and content alone.

  1. A New Interest

If you happen to have moved on to somebody new, which of course is dependent on the passage of time and other factors, then again a Lesser or a Mid-Range is less likely to hoover. The prospect of being rebuffed and thus wounded through criticism will prove too great a risk to them. They will feel criticised already by knowing you are with someone new when you should be holding a torch and pining for them and they are likely to regard the hoover as too risky, with the prospect for no fuel and further wounding. This will not apply to the Greater Narcissist. We are more likely to apply a malign follow-up hoover and lash out at you and your new partner to get a double fuel strike.

  1. Your Fuel Potential

You will have been an excellent source of fuel at some point, that is why you were chosen and ensnared, but that changed. The reason hoover fuel is so potent is that you will have recovered to some extent from what has happened to you, you will want to see us or be relieved that we have come back for you (not always but often) and most of all the fact that we have abused you and yet we can still entice you either to start the Formal Relationship again or even to provide fuel shows how powerful we are and thus adds to the potency of the fuel. If you are a super empath or a co-dependent you will be a prime prospect for hoovering. However, if we regard you as still badly crippled by what we did to you so that you have been in effect numbed so that your emotional output is muted or deadened, this will affect whether a hoover will take place. In such circumstances a proxy hoover may take place so a lieutenant can scope you out. Or you may (if circumstances allow) receive a paving the way message which is not a hoover in itself but rather a way of seeing how the land lies to then decide whether a hoover attempt should be made.

  1. Your Knowledge

If we are aware that you know what we are or have information which could be damaging to us in the form of amounting to a serious criticism this will lessen the likelihood of a hoover. Whilst a Lesser has no awareness of what he or she is, if you do know and you keep making mention of it and adapting your behaviour accordingly, he or she will at least sense there is little fuel to be gained and/or the risk of criticism. Similarly, a Mid-Range will realise that there is something “off” with the situation and think very carefully before being exposed to less fuel and/or criticism. The Greater is not concerned by your knowledge of what he is. He will deny it and look to manipulate the situation to his advantage to draw further fuel, but he will be concerned by anything that could cause criticism.

  1. The Façade

This carefully constructed and maintained device which we use to repeated effect against you is important. Not only do we use it against you but it will be used against other victims and those who help create the façade provide us with fuel. We do not want this to be damaged or fractured in anyway. If we ascertain that there is a risk of this happening if we hoover you (for instance you have damning evidence of our behaviour which could be circulated if we engage with you) then we will not want the façade damaged by such exposure and accordingly the prospect of a hoover happening will be diminished.

  1. Energy levels

If you enter our sphere of influence when energy levels are lower as a consequence of lower fuel provision, then the hoover may be regarded as not worth the effort. If, however there is easy accessibility and the prospective fuel gain is considered to be significant then even low energy levels would not be a dissuading factor but if there are other factors as above in place which would prove difficult then when we have low energy levels this makes us less inclined to want to perform the hoover. This situation may arise where we are still embedding a new primary source after your escape or we may not have one yet and we are reliant on fuel from primary sources. If the hoover is perceived as having hurdles and energy levels are low, even though you may have entered a sphere of influence, we may look elsewhere for fuel and not engage in a hoover.

  1. The Type of Narcissist

 

The particular type we are has a bearing also. The Lesser will be looking for easy gains, low-hanging fruit and immediate results. The immediacy is important. Lacking the calculation of the Mid-Range and Greater, he will be inclined to hoover if you are in near reach even if there are other hoovers because he is unable to control his thirst for hoover fuel. He will however risk being rebuffed and this will in turn ignite his fury causing him to lash out at you with potential repercussions. If the Lesser does not see an immediate opportunity he will move on. He is akin to an opportunist burglar. The Mid-Range will put a little more effort and planning in but will be cautious in his approach, mindful of the potential repercussions and therefore a few hurdles will put him off. He may apply a little effort to consideration but it does not take too much to cause him to move on. The Greater will need considerable hurdles to prevent a hoover happening when a sphere of influence has been penetrated. If he knows there is very potent hoover fuel he will apply considerable effort, like a well-planned heist, to get those jewels.

These factors need to be taken in consideration with one another to determine the likelihood or not of a hoover happening once the sphere of influence has been penetrated.

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21 thoughts on “Raising The Hoover Bar

  1. SMH says:

    Happy New Year folks! It feels like groundhog day. I don’t know where else to write this but I got a benign hoover from MRN. The ‘formal relationship’ has been over for almost five years and the last time I suspected a hoover was more than two years ago. I’ve been absolutely NC for four and half years (we tried to be friends for a bit but that was a disaster). Never looked him up, etc. A few months ago, by chance I met one of his former colleagues – the only person I’ve ever met who knows MRN. We talked for six hours and I told him everything. Probably not a good idea in retrospect. This guy and I then became ‘friends’ on social media. Also probably not a good idea (he kind of triggers me, through no fault of his own). MRN had two fake profiles on this platform. I suspect he saw we were friends and then hoovered me on a different platform. I also got two fake friend requests around the same time – hadn’t had one of those for at least a year. MRN hoovered the same way that he used to whenever I would escape during the formal relationship and he wanted me to contact him/be aware of him – he’d visit my professional profile anonymously so I’d get a notification but could not see who it is. I know it is him. It is freaky. HG, do I have to stop being friends with the former colleague or should I just ignore everything? Hard to do.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You have not been absolutely no contact.

      1. You tried to be friends which must mean you had some form of involvement with the narcissist, therefore breach of no contact.
      2. You talked about the narcissist with somebody else (at length) breach of no contact through at least arenas four and five.

      You can remain friends with the former colleague but do not advertise it on social media and be wary of what you say to this person as it may be passed on (not maliciously) and you must not talk about the narcissist with this individual.

      You have work to do regarding understanding what a total no contact regimen is.

      1. Asp Emp says:

        HG, I had a friend request on FB recently and this is the 3rd or 4th time (in over around 4-6 years) and I’d declined these previously. I simply decided to block this time. What is interesting, I did not feel guilty, or bad, at doing it this time. HG’s work rocks! It works! 🙂

        1. SMH says:

          Good work Asp Emp. My friend requests that might be narc are always fakes so blocking them wouldn’t help. If the narc sent a friend request under his real name/profile I definitely would!

          1. Asp Emp says:

            SMH, thank you 🙂 Because of HG’s articles in relation to online dating and what not to show on your profiles gave me a number of considerations. I had already removed quite a bit of information but also ensured my settings were restricted as much as the provider of said social media platform permits. If people thought I was selective prior to KTN knowledge, I’m even more selective now 🙂

      2. SMH says:

        Thank you, HG! I had *completely* forgotten that talking about the narcissist was a breach of no contact. It’s been so many years since I’d even thought much about him (the friends thing was long ago now) that I was caught off guard. I’ll have to somehow hide that I am friends with the former colleague, though I guess it’s too late for that now. I won’t talk about narc ever again to anyone! Lesson learned.

  2. Hooverquest says:

    So then is it safe to say that a narcissist will always continue to Hoover every former appliance until they are blocked?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      There is always a risk of being hoovered as I have explained repeatedly. Whether an actual hoover occurs depends on a variety of factors. You may still be hoovered when you block the narcissist, but you will not know it.

      1. SMH says:

        I didn’t believe it until it happened to me. But it is not always possible to block them without them knowing that you did, which in itself seems to be a breach of NC. It would also trigger me to have to look at anything about him – even to see his name – which I would have to do to block him. He knows the only way to hoover that leaves me helpless to do anything about it.

        1. Truthseeker6157 says:

          Hi SMH,

          Is there a friend or someone you trust that you could hand your phone to? If you can’t face blocking that name, would you be comfortable allowing someone else to block him for you?

          I sat with a friend whilst they blocked, deleted messages and photos from their phone. It can help to have someone with you. Or, maybe you consult with HG? Delete and block whilst HG is talking to you about it? Having HG reinforce to you what this person is, why he does as he does and why you need to take your own phone and own power back might really help. Plus, once it’s done, he can then assist with lowering your ET.

          I had an online ensnarement so blocking was tough for me too. Once done though, I felt like a weight had been lifted, I felt stronger afterwards. It was the idea of it that was far worse than the reality of doing it, at least for me.

          We can’t leave ourselves open to their whim. We have to close them down.

          Xx

          1. SMH says:

            Thank you Truthseeker! I’ve been on here on and off for four years now so I know what he is. But it never occurred to me to ask a friend for help. The only problem is that he uses fake profiles on the site where he would have seen that his former colleague and I are friends, so I’d have to find them using his email or some combination of his fake names. On the professional site, I’d have to look at all of the profiles because his real name is not that distinctive. While I know where he lives, I don’t know where he works now. But definitely something to think about.

          2. Truthseeker6157 says:

            Hi SMH,

            Yes, I can see how he is clearly a slippery customer. I’d say don’t underestimate what a friend will do to help and make sure that you feel ok. Doing a task like that together, brainstorming possible names and email addresses, blocking suspect profiles etc might give you some control back, whilst feeling supported. Often we assume that people won’t do for us what we would do for them. That’s sometimes because we don’t give them the opportunity!

            I’m glad you’re considering it.

            Xx

      2. alexissmith2016 says:

        Interesting. What sort of hoovers occur when you block the narcissist HG?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Potentially a wide variety but it is dependent on various factors and therefore specificity would be required with regard to the relevant situation to provide an appropriate and accurate answer.

          1. Alexissmith2016 says:

            Hmmmm interesting. Thank you HG

          2. Joa says:

            Alex, how could you? 🙂

            You should have typed: “Thank you for not replying” 🙂

            PS It was an interesting question Alex, it’s a pity that HG decided not to answer it or give at least one interesting example. Maybe we’ll hear or read this answer somewhere later 🙂
            Would be great. Concrete examples from the autopsy are always the best.

            (I don’t know if autopsy also has a double meaning in English? I mean, of course, not post-mortem, but: “my own experience”.)

          3. HG Tudor says:

            No concrete example was given for the very reason stated in my answer. That was obvious.

        2. Truthseeker6157 says:

          If I had to have a stab at that Alexis I think I’d look at the following factors.

          School of narcissist.

          What else is happening in their fuel matrix ( which obviously we shouldn’t know if in NC). Is the narc hard up for fuel or awash with it, this would influence risk reward.

          Whether the victim has been hoovered before and if prior hoovers proved successful.

          The place the victim previously occupied in the fuel matrix therefore the potency of the hoover fuel if successful. Is it worth a financial outlay? Is it worth expending much energy?

          The type of narc in terms of nomad or ping pong player. Is it a one off fuel hit or is there a desire for several interactions?

          The type of victim. Tourniquet, etc, therefore the likelihood of positive or negative fuel.

          Is the victim painted black or white? Is the hoover benign ( inter flora incoming) or malign ( poo in a Jiffy bag).

          Whether the victim was disengaged from or escaped, influences wounding and painting black or white.

          Possibly the type of hoover trigger, which sphere of influence the victim entered. Sphere 1 might provoke a more direct form of hoover.

          The support network / romantic status of the victim. Is she lonely, or has she moved on and is in another relationship? Support from family or friends?

          Location. How easy is it to hoover the victim. Plane ride, or five minute drive?

          Is the hoover a fact finding mission? Or is it a hard hoover to bring the former IPPS back in to some form of relationship.

          There’ll be loads more variables but looking at those, you could estimate chances of success versus risk of wounding therefore a tentative or very direct form of hoover might be preferable.

          Anecdotal evidence suggests to me that MMRB like to use a more tentative approach (that’ll be the walnut balls then). I’ve seen an MMRB use a hoover by proxy on the same victim several times. Indirect, so seemingly less risk of wounding.

          I’d be interested to know if a shortage of fuel lowers the hoover bar because the narc is willing to take more risk to get much needed fuel. Or, raises it because they can’t afford the risk of being wounded when fuel levels are already low.

          Nice to see you Alexis 🙂

          Xx

      3. Asp Emp says:

        HG, when someone changes their name on social sites, is this what you mean by “but you will not know it”?

  3. Asp Emp says:

    Good to read the older threads of ’10 Hoover Hurdles’ & ‘Hoover Hurdles’ – some really good comments and golden nuggets. Thank you for sharing them, HG 🙂

  4. Asp Emp says:

    https://narcsite.com/2016/08/15/10-hoover-hurdles/#comment-27529

    Sharing this link because it is additional to just blocking on ie social media, mobile etc.

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