Knowing the Narcissist : The Narcissist and The Power of Pain



My mind has always applied itself to how I can exert control over other people. I understand now that it commenced doing this unconsciously, that is the very nature of narcissism. However, I also gained an awareness of how fundamental power is to me, how I need it, how I want it and how I can use it. I recognised that having power made me feel powerful, immense, gargantuan in presence and application and that I could not stand to be without it. Of course this all stemmed from my utter need (like all of my kind) for control at all times. I did not know of this particular need initially.

It is clear I developed an unconscious need for control and power. Unlike most of my kind, this then evolved into a conscious need for control and power and thus allied with a natural lack of empathy, immense intelligence and sadistic streak I took notice of the ways in which I could actively and purposefully achieve control and power.

This control had to be over everything – the environment around me and of course that meant the people within that environment.

I had to control people. I absolutely had to.

By applying control I get them to do what I want and this will enable me to obtain fuel from them. I witnessed at an early stage the power of pain and this formed in my mind an indelible reason to utilise it in order to gain and maintain control.

I do not recall precisely how old I was but I do recall that I had not yet started secondary school so I must have been under the age of twelve. There was a group of us children that played together and it was during a particular summer that we had been engaged in some kind of game in the fields near to where we all lived. The fields and the small river which ran through them with the occasional copse made for an exciting environment in which we could play out invented games. From battles between armies, to tales of fantasy involving orcs and elves through to pretending to be astronauts on an undiscovered planet, we made full use of the space that we were afforded.

I recall that one hot afternoon we had been engaged in a game which involved a battle and one of our group, a boy called Jonathan had been the general. He was not very good and he had made a series of stupid decisions that meant our side lost the battle. I was determined not to lose the war and I proposed that I should now be the general and it should be me who organised our troops. He was a whiny child who began to bleat about how I was often the general and it was his turn today. He explained his turn was to last all day. I grew irritated by his desire to remain in place as the general and a calamitous one at that. How dare he assume the mantle of greatness when it was patently clear that he was not up to the task? How dare he lead us to slaughter and defeat? I was not happy but despite my protests he would not stand down. The other side had long since departed across the other side of the fields and were awaiting the shot for battle to be joined. Our troops had been dispatched to various locations leaving just Jonathan and I at the rear. I was furious with him. My rage at his idiocy was burning inside of me and as he stood on the rock from which the general always directed our troops, since it afforded a good view across the meadow I moved besides him. With a violent shove I pushed him from the rock and he fell into a clump of stinging nettles that had grown next to the rock. He howled in pain as the first stings took effect and wearing a t-shirt and shorts, his exposed limbs and face fell prey to the vicious stings of the nettles. He cried out and jumped up trying to move free of the nettles but as he neared the edge I gave him another shove and sent him tumbling back into the midst of them causing him to cry out again. With tears streaming down his face and arms showing the welts from the repeated stings he tried to emerge again and once more I pushed him back into the stinging nettles. I did this again and then once again until with face red and swollen he decided against trying to get past me and stumbled through the nettles, wincing and whimpering as he took another route. I watched him leave until all that could be heard was his juddering sobbing. I climbed onto the rock and from there took control of our troops and directed them to a stunning victory.

Jonathan’s father later attended at our house. I saw him striding up the path with Jonathan in tow, his father incandescent with anger. I stood at the top of the stairs and listened as he thundered and shouted but he did not breach our porch. My mother barred his way and I could not hear her voice but I knew that she would be keeping him in his place with her steely tones and flinty looks. Eventually Jonathan and his father walked away back down the path and I watched their family retreat for the second time that day.

There was no punishment from my mother. Nothing was said to me at all. In her usual fashion she had dealt with the matter. I know not what she said but she made no mention of it to me. This was her way of dealing with such matters.

I continued to play with the group and with Jonathan. Every time he looked at me I could see the pain in his eyes just as I had that day when I had pushed him repeatedly into the stinging nettles. He never asked to be general again and was always the first to suggest that I be appointed as leader of our troops. He had experienced pain doled out by me and he knew what to do thereafter. I also knew what power could be derived from such pain. It was a lesson in learning an instrument of manipulation.

I was learning. Pain equalled power.

I was finally righting the wrongs and power was THE instrument by which this would be achieved.

11 thoughts on “Knowing the Narcissist : The Narcissist and The Power of Pain

  1. Jenny says:

    It’s quite a mirror maze. Narcissism, the use of extreme masculine energy and empaths the extreme feminine energy. Masculine energy holds both light and dark. Feminine energy holds both dark and light. Fine lines between power vs. force. Protection vs. suffocation. Nature vs. nurture. Left brain vs. right. Instinct vs. intuition. Man vs. Spirit. Limited vs. Unlimited. Sun vs. Moon.

    From an energetic standpoint, textbook narcissism can only be created from a masculine energy. Whether or man or woman has been labelled as such. A woman narcissist is simply operating in extreme masculine energy. Masculine energy externalizes. It energetically finds confidence in external validation. Whether the energy is dark or light, depends on where you are in relation to the Sun. The feminine validates internally, the textbook empath.

    A dark empath mirrors the victim narcissist perfectly. A dark empath (regardless of gender) operates internally in the extreme feminine energy, whilst externally in a masculine energy. The victim narcissist externally begs for pity and is emotional (feminine) only to meet the internal need of “having” status or power (externally). Masculine energetic values. Perfectly imperfect voided needs. A lock.

    Conjunction. The 4th Stage of Alchemy.

    “The empowerment of our true selves, the union of both the masculine and the feminine sides of our personalities into a new belief system or an intuitive state of consciousness. Two becomes three. Three becomes one. The alchemists believed that once achieved, one is clearly able to discern what needs to be done to achieve lasting enlightenment. Often, synchronicities begin to occur that confirm the alchemist is on the right track.”

    “…hold infinity in the palm of your hand…”

  2. Dani says:

    Mr. Tudor–

    1. Did your father ever handle a situation like this that involved you? If so, what happened?
    2. As a child, did you challenge others to be general if your side wasn’t losing?
    3. Does anything cause the amount of power you feel to fluctuate up and down when you’re controlling different people? If so, what does?

    Thank you so much for your time, sir. I greatly appreciate it.

  3. KitKat says:

    In essence, this behavior was doubly reinforced by you successfully asserting your will during playtime, and then by your mother essentially rewarding you for it.
    You would have seen this as control over her as well, since she handled it and then dismissed it on your account.
    So not only did you control the boy, but the other children, the boy’s father, and your mother as well.

    A dollop of triumph and invincibility as powerful as this would have had an intoxicating effect on your adolescent brain, a result it would be eager to repeat.

    1. annaamel says:

      She should have apologised to the boy’s mother and made HG apologise to the boy. Then she should have given him a punishment that was firm but fair and told him she didn’t want to hear of him going something like that again. If my calculations are kind of right, this may have been shortly after a tragic event and if that was the case, it’d be normal for there to be a lot of anger and this should be considered when administering consequences. But his mother didn’t let him off due to the that. She let him off because her priorities were skewed. She felt pride and her own dignity/superiority/righteousness was more important than fairness or decency. This story, I suspect, is told to us to illustrate her failure to do what was right.

      1. NarcAngel says:

        I see her behaviour as unsurprising due to the fact that his mother is a narcissist and views HG as an extension of herself.

        1. annaamel says:

          Narcissists inevitably fuck up their parenting.

      2. A Victor says:

        Hi Annaamel,
        The first time I read this article I thought wow, she really handled that differently than I would have. And it made sense as to why HG is as he is. I suspect it was far from the first time she’d let some “bad” behavior go unpunished, and I agree that there was an element of pride in her for what he did, from her perspective it wasn’t bad behavior. Probably, if she was like my mother, she would’ve punished some perceived bad behavior on a different occasion. It is interesting how we are an extension of them, as NA stated, until we’re more useful in some other capacity, still an extension perhaps, but one that must be brought back into line. And often used as an excuse to vent their fury.

        Anyway, I see this article as exposing how HG was created and also the absolutely different perspective that narcissists have on everything, those in their matrix, behaviors and actions that are done, how all these things affect the prime aims and that what is in the narcissists best interest will be done, regardless of anyone else. Their coldness.

        Thank you for your comment, it made me consider this article more closely.

        1. annaamel says:

          ‘I suspect it was far from the first time she’d let some “bad” behavior go unpunished’

          Definitely. And, as you suggest, the flip side was giving excessive punishments for errors which didn’t warrant it.

  4. Alexissmith2016 says:

    And it’s all gone quiet over here hahah

    1. HG Tudor says:

      That’s what happens when you meet superiority.

      1. Alexissmith2016 says:

        Hahahah and don’t i bloody know it!

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