Knowing the Narcissist : The Narcissist and Feelings
Feelings are an unnecessary burden and thankfully I have been relieved of many of them, being left only with those which are deemed necessary to enable me to pursue the harvesting of fuel. Feelings blur and weaken. How many times have you heard your alarm go off in the morning and you have rolled over feeling like you do not want to get up? Many times I should imagine. That feeling of apprehension about what the day holds for you, despondency at what has happened to you and dread about what you have to do weakens you and holds you back.
You spend much of your life in the pursuit of this notion of happiness but are you ever truly happy? Do you look at what you have and wish you had more? Do you look at other people around you and imagine how happy they must be and you wish that you were more like them? All you achieve is bitterness. Perhaps you do feel happy but as the empath that you are you see those who you regard as less happy than you and you wish that they could be more like you.
All you achieve is vanity. You spend so much of your time seeking to be happy and then you worry about whether it is fleeting in nature. You express concern that you just want to be happy and spend more and more time trying to achieve this state of nirvana. You suffer from feeling sadness which leads to paralysis and indecision. You feel frustrated which sucks up your energy and leaves you feeling spent. You take pride in your ability to feel and to be able to feel on behalf of others yet all you are doing is allowing yourself to be burdened.
Why bother pursuing those feelings which are regarded as positive, such as joy, happiness and elation? Is the effort truly worth it when you get there only for it to be a fleeting moment which then casts you into despondency? What was the point of that? Why allow yourself to be mired in upset, misery and dejection? You achieve nothing as you slowly sink into a quagmire of such negativity. Your feelings deceive you, press down on you and above all else allow us to manipulate you. It is because you feel this array of emotions that you provide us with emotional reactions. Of course you know that these emotional reactions create my fuel. Your feelings are to blame.
I never acquired these feelings. This is because the pursuit of fuel cannot be distracted by these cumbersome emotions. They serve no purpose and thus were never developed. I am built for the acquisition of fuel and nothing else. I am an efficient design, single-minded and driven. All excess baggage was not jettisoned, it was never stowed on board to begin with. I am not wholly without feelings. I have been developed in a way to allow certain feelings, those that aid my purpose, to come to the fore.
I feel fury which ensures that I can exert control over other people and thus extract fuel from them. I feel envy which drives me on to strip away those traits from other people which I need to create my construct. If I felt no envy, I would not want these characteristics – thus this feeling serves a purpose. There is no superfluous feeling connected with me. I feel jealousy which again causes me to strive to better that person by lauding my own achievements and prompting a reaction which garners positive fuel or by berating the person of whom I am jealous and thus I harvest negative fuel.
I feel hatred. This allows me to see everything as it truly is. Hatred hones and brings into sharp focus the reality of this cruel world and thus I am better able to navigate my way through it. Hatred is visceral, it is not fluffy or amorphous. It does not cloud or blur. It is direct, straight to the point and electrifying in its capacity to allow me to always go forward.
All of these feelings and ones of a similar nature have been fashioned around me to assist me in my quest for fuel. Each one discharges a method of enabling me to gather fuel so that I can feel the ultimate emotion.
My pursuit of fuel is predicated on the use of these various emotions with the sole purpose of allowing me to feel that emotion which I prize above all others.
I feel powerful.
I am powerful.
13 thoughts on “Knowing the Narcissist : The Narcissist and Feelings”
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Hello Asp Emp, I can’t get the ‘reply’ option to reply directly to your comment, and I’m sorry if any questions are excessive or inappropriate.
Thank you for sharing. 🙂 Does “asp” mean you’re an “aspie”? Did you work at a special ed or care facility? It’s good you could pick out good aspies vs bad ones, and KTN filled in that gap for you. Is “emp” for empath? Is that why you saw who was who? Do autistic narcs manipulate like normal narcs? I read that aspies can mask and some know it, but others don’t for a long time, if ever… like narcs. Some don’t even know they’re autistic until they’re adults, even 50+.
I may have autism and/or adhd, so it’s frightening to know I can have them and still be a narc.
Hello Candied Pansy, thank you for your reply. Have no concerns about asking me questions and no need to apologise. I do not think they are inappropriate either, because HG has stated to the effect of that there is a link between autism and narcissism ie a narcissistic parent can produce children that are autistic. I suppose this does depend on other genetic predisposition factors ie in the family.
Aspie – yes.
Empath – yes.
I worked with people in a voluntary capacity. Mixed. Including people with Learning Disabilities. After I had my diagnosis for Aspergers (high functioning autism), I was able to look back in my past and recognise some of the characteristics and tick off the boxes, so to speak. But, I sensed that there remained an underlying unexplained something – the empath in me. Basically, a ‘good’ aspie.
Yes, I would suggest that autistic narcissists do have similar behaviours as those without autism. See HG’s video ‘Narcissism or Autism?’. Some ‘borderline personality disorder’ is misdiagnosed, see HG’s video ‘Why the Borderline Is Not What You Think’.
I could not work out why there was a difference between the “good” and “bad” aspies. I do not know for a fact whether all ‘good’ aspies are empaths. I do not know if there are autistics that are neither narcissist, or empath, or narcissistic. Autism is neurological. Narcissism is GPD and LOCE. Does it derive from the same DNA? I like the idea of HG’s EDC being used to determine this to measure, say, out of 50 to 100 people within one organisation to volunteer to take part in an ‘unique’ survey. It needs a very large donation to cover HG’s costs of the EDCs.
Yes, some autistics may adapt to the world around them, hence, ‘mask’ because sometimes, they may be ‘conditioned’ as such, ie “not allowed to behave like that”, “not allowed to think like that” (typical of a parental narcissist), whereas the non-narcissist parent may give the autistic child ‘time’ to be themselves, support, mentor, accept, understand.
As for you, if you wish to find out for yourself in regard to autism / ADHD, there are online self-tests that you can do to suss it out, and if you wish to take that further to get a formal diagnosis, you can request for a referral through your doctor. That is the route I know exists in the UK.
Consider going for the Empath Detector 🙂
Asp Emp, thank you for being willing to answer. It’s interesting, but not great for aspies, that a narcissistic parent can produce autistic kids. It would explain a lot, if my dad’s a narcissist and I’m autistic. A google search gave me results like “NPD is a less severe autism sans social incompetence”. Really? I’ve read that autism can run in families, like narcissism, so maybe both have a GPD.
Thanks for clarifying your name. I wonder if aspies tend to be certain kinds of empath.
Okay I think your facility was for adults choosing to be there? Empath isn’t in DSM, unless I missed it. Is it in a UK equivalent? Do you think “highly sensitive person” is real and relevant to aspies, empaths, or narcissists? It’s good HG confirmed you’re an empath and named the underlying, unexplained something in you.
If autistic narcissists behave similarly to narcs without autism, then narcissism must dominate autism. Harry’s wife doesn’t have autism (though I wonder about that), yet so many times she’s on a different planet than others. HG analyzed a cerebral autistic narc, Agnes. She said something like “it was like falling in love for the first time” about her man, when her ex-husband was there. That seemed at best so inconsiderate, and at worst sadistic. You’d think her knowing she’s autistic would motivate her to consider the impact of her words on others. Narcissism is narcissism, autistic or not.
I saw HG’s video “autism or narcissism”. It doesn’t help that some behaviors or traits can be due to autism or narcissism, such as needing to be alone vs silent treatment / withdrawing. I saw the Borderline video, and have read that some aspies get misdiagnosed w/ borderline. According to HG’s video, borderline is either PTSD or narcissism, if I got it right.
It looks like your empathy gave you an instinctive knowledge of “good” and “bad” aspies, despite not knowing the bad ones are likely narcs. There may be nice aspies that would test as normal in the EDC, unless HG says otherwise.
If someone can be autistic but not a narc, autistic and narc, or just a narc, then the two conditions probably come from different DNA, but I don’t know. Could they come from the same DNA, if one’s neurological and one’s GPD+LOCE? Someone’s likely done a study. If HG ever has time, the survey you proposed would help. Would some rich person/group give him a grant for it? I can’t imagine Archewell or BetterUp helping out. 🤪 I wonder how many autistic readers and subscribers he has. If he develops an autism and/or ADHD detector, I’ll be interested.
How many parental narcs condition autistic kids to mask? I bet most do, when the autism doesn’t benefit the narc. Did you have a narc parent, an accepting one, or both? Even well-meaning people in society, say normals, can encourage if not outright demand masking. Public school is full of it, at least in the states.
The UK route for getting diagnosed with autism/ADHD looks similar as in the USA, though we have online services willing to diagnose you and even send meds. Some tests give me “high” scores, but I want a professional take, to see if it’s something I can fix. Maybe it’s a vitamin deficiency, stress, isolation, etc. There are things in my past that look suspicious for autism and inattentive ADHD.
Yes I should do the empath detector. I just don’t have any copium for if I’m a narc.
Candied Pansy, sorry I missed your reply. WP said ‘no’ 😉
Yes. It was self-advocacy type group setting – by choice, from various locations.
Empath is not on DSM. Nor, is Aspergers (absorbed into autism). I think HG’s work on Empaths may explain further about the hypersensitivity side, it may not apply to all schools / cadres. For sure, autistics are on a spectrum (severe to mild – low functioning to high functioning) – from what I have seen, there can be a variation of the ‘traits’ and characteristics. Remarkably similar to HG’s system – Empath to Narcissism spectrum, the schools / cadres. Interesting to consider that the environment / people can be the ‘triggers’. Same with people who have Learning Disabilties.
Autism is neurological (predetermined before birth). Narcissism is not, that ‘forms’ the pathways in the brain to stop the emotional empathy from working, sometimes the cognitive empathy too (I may be factually incorrect from a scientific aspect).
There are too many “conditions” in the DSM ie Bi-Polar (lower echelon narcs may be diagnosed as such). HG’s borderline video is great – PTSD or MRN.
HG has explained how a narcissist is formed. It would be great for someone from the world of Genetics / Science to provide the answer in regard to the DNA patterning where neurological (autism / ADHD etc) and whether narcissism is part of the same DNA chains or separate.
The one parent was supportive but died when I was 9, the narc parent ignored my aspergers, hence why I was unaware of it until very late in adulthood. Autism / ADHD cannot be “fixed”. It is there. One can learn to understand it, what traits / triggers ie autistics into meltdowns. It is completely separate from empaths going into reduced emotional empathy ‘period’ because of a narcissist’s behaviours towards them.
May I suggest HG’s books ‘Chained’ and ‘Sitting Target’ (both extremely good)? HG’s EDC. Professional opinion on autism / ADHD. These will narrow down your questioning yourself. 🙂
HG, thank you, for your time in moderating x
Hello HG, maybe this could prove a somewhat useful comparison. If you’re asked how it’s possible to feel nothing when others would expect you to, as a practical exercise tell that person to say “I love you” to somebody else in a foreign language and see what they’re feeling. I find it has no emotional impact whatsoever. It’s very easy to say, whereas in their mother tongue most people would have to overcome a significant emotional barrier to say it. And it means very little, at least that’s how I experienced it. It also holds true the other way around, when somebody tells you that they love you in what is their mother tongue but a foreign language for you. It just doesn’t carry the same weight.
And by the way, I don’t engage in the pursuit of happiness etc., because it’s not running away from me. If you need to pursue it, you will probably never find it.
(1) Is this article your psychopathy speaking, more than your narcissism?
“All you achieve is vanity” is very Ecclesiastes. (2) Do you ever acquire from the Bible? (3) Are you an atheist? (4) Do you see yourself as the Solomon of narcissism and psychopathy?
“All you achieve is bitterness” reminds me of a song by Marina Diamandis. She says, “I live my life in bitterness, and fill my heart with emptiness.” (5) Have you heard any of her work? At times I see what could be narcissism in her songs, but don’t know when it’s “her” speaking vs a character.
1. Yes.
2. Periodically.
3. Yes, unless it suits me not to be one.
4. No.
5. No.
Thanks for answering.
(1) Have you spoken to Calvin Robinson? I’d like to hear you two discuss narcissism. (2) Would you interview with him, if you stayed anon? (3) Have you been on GBN?
1. No.
2. Possibly.
3. No.
Thank you. I asked about Calvin and GBN, because either can spread your word. Calvin’s on GBN, but he’ll go on people’s youtube channels.
(1) Would you interview with Triggernometry, staying anon? (2) What do you think of what happened with their bank account? It scares me.
(3) How do I differentiate between a veneer and a facade? You said a lesser can use a veneer, in Alec Baldwin Shooting Hypocrisy, but you said mid-range HW would use a veneer at home with Harry in HW Not at Home. (4) Is a veneer just a thin or short-lived facade?
(5) Would you interview more autistic people? I saw yours with Harry Thompson, but he had allegations thrown at him and left his media. (6) May I suggest Yo Samdy Sam? She’s a Brit with autism, ADHD, and a decent YT audience for you. (7) Can one have ADHD and be a narc?
1. I am not familiar with Triggernometry.
2. See above.
3. Veneer is one on one, facade is wider to more people and the outside world.
5. They would have to interview me.
7. Yes.
Candied Pansy, I worked with people who were on the autism spectrum and I noticed the “bad aspies” and the “good aspies” without being able to determine what remained ‘hidden’ – I could see it but could not pin it because it kept shifting manipulations. KTN filled that gap of now knowing what I could see but not understand 🙂
Candied Pansy: “(3) How do I differentiate between a veneer and a facade? You said a lesser can use a veneer, in Alec Baldwin Shooting Hypocrisy, but you said mid-range HW would use a veneer at home with Harry in HW Not at Home.”
HG: “3. Veneer is one on one, facade is wider to more people and the outside world.”
Finally this makes sense!
Thank-you CP, for asking and HG, for answering.