Knowing the Narcissist : Evil : Imagine Greater



You put yourselves into the position of others. We put others into ourselves. You do it as a matter of choice in order to fulfil one of the roles you see for yourselves. Admittedly, you are struck by a considerable compulsion but you still retain the ability to decide if you will do so. We do not. We must do it. We have no choice if we wish to survive. I would invite you to exercise that ability of yours.

Imagine being wounded by the words and actions of others. Imagine that injurious sensation arising because of the deliberate and treacherous behaviour of someone who we have come to rely on. From minion to colleague, from friend to lover, the slight that is occasioned by them stings, hurts and pains. Imagine suffering that agony even if the transgressor claims not to have intended such injury and pleads innocence of all wrongdoing. Imagine that you recognise that they are right in their protestation but it still does not take away what they have done.

Imagine being of ability, brilliance and talent yet within an instant being laid low by the turn of the back or the failure of acknowledgement. Imagine being beholden to such a tortuous response and hating being chained in this way. Imagine the desire to rail against the offender, mocking them for their shortcomings, their pale comparison and diminished abilities yet that same pathetic specimen has the ability to wound in such a grievous manner. Imagine the shame of despising that individual for their behaviour yet knowing that in their hands they hold such a power. Imagine those moments of genuine horror when it is contemplated that if that competitor only realised what they could truly do and that the consignment to oblivion might be moments away.

Imagine the anguish of knowing that your well-being and capacity to function is reliant on a whole host of others who have no inkling as to the part they play. Imagine how such ignorance is regarded as a blessing and that each and every day, thanks is given that they remain shrouded in such ignorance for if they became armed with knowledge, what destruction they might wreak. Imagine knowing you are chained to the one thing that generates such contempt and bilious hatred, the need to strain against those binding chains until they split, rupture and fall away with the arrival of another. Imagine the hope, the expectation and the desire for the new arrival to prove to be the saviour. Imagine always searching for that one true acolyte that will remove the ills, eradicate the risk of annihilation and instead will prevent the necessity of the imposition of those heavy oh so heavy chains. Imagine the fervent endeavour to acquire that new arrival and the sense of delicious anticipation as they begin to function in accordance with the expected and hoped for desire.

Imagine the soaring power that arises from this saviour, the promised one, the perfect one. Imagine that sense of surging, blazing power, the sweeping majesty of knowing that the needs are now catered for, that all is and will be well, that function and form can rely on this spectacular provision. Imagine the possibilities as being super-charged from this significant, this most significant other and that worlds will collide, empires will rise and the intended endless dynasty will be created.

Imagine the horror, the disappointment, the envy and the fury as that perfect one turns out to be a seditious charlatan who has lied, conned and connived. Imagine the incandescent rage that seeks escape. Imagine knowing of the consequences of such treachery and the reckless application of such blind fury. Imagine knowing that control must be exerted in order to preserve so much that has been built. Imagine straining to keep the beast within its confined place, the shackles so perfectly formed and seemingly impervious to weakness or fragility that now appear weak, rusted and not fit for purpose. Imagine the contemplation of becoming nothing. Imagine that which you wish the world to see being steadily dismantled and by a traitor’s hand. Imagine the sense of injustice, unfairness and bitterness to be undone by the very thing which promised the ultimate salvation. Imagine hearing that craven whisper that signifies that which should not be entertained or occasioned. Imagine the icy terror of that mocking, lisping voice and the frantic need to silence it. Imagine the whirlwind of necessity to rebuild, to acquire and to conquer once again. Imagine the Herculean effort required to reassert one’s place in this cruel and feckless world.

Imagine in such times of being reminded of what once was and what you swore would never be again. That which you have sought to bury deep and keep buried, locked away, hidden and rarely contemplated. Imagine the tormentors that come like shades to pull and drag towards that time again. That time which ought to have been banished yet still somehow rises time and time again. Imagine trying to bury it dead but knowing it will not allow this and instead when the obscene and scandalous plans of our opponents, our competitors and our enemies weaken that which ought not be seen as weak, that the corpse breathes once again and seeks to rise, its fetid words travelling from near-forgotten times to resurrect them and bring us down.

Imagine striking out left, right and centre in order to bring control and order back. Imagine that it can only be from the external chaos that order is enforced within and that the suffering of others is the glue, the mortar and the binding which creates that prison once more. Imagine reliance on the agony and suffering to re-build and re-create so that the voice is silenced and decorum established once more.

Imagine that whirring mind which must always assess, evaluate and calculate. Planning, plotting and scheming. A marvellous frenzied activity which devises and develops in order to always drive forward. Imagine knowing that stillness is not an option. Imagine the knowledge that taking such a step would only result in that slow descent and instead momentum is required at all times, onwards, upwards, forwards with never a backward glance, a moment of retrospect or the time to pause and consider. Always consuming, always extracting, always gathering, garnering, purloining, taking, sucking, draining, hunting, claiming, conquering. A ceaseless behemoth that draws the light from stars, the good from the benevolent, the love from the decent and the soul from everything. Imagine that and so, so much more.

Can you imagine it?

Can you be it.

I can.

I have to.

7 thoughts on “Knowing the Narcissist : Evil : Imagine Greater

  1. Artemis says:

    Sisyphus ( The Narcissist) condemned to repeatedly roll a heavy rock ( the Empath) up the hill in Hades ( this cruel, feckless, and best of all possible worlds). In our compulsive quest for fuel or unconditional love, we have no time to pause and contemplate the absurdity of it all. This dance can only take place in the absence of a strong sense of self on both sides. It always starts with hope, hope to find that true acolyte…alors on danse.

  2. Anna Plyance says:

    No wonder you’d say that relaxing is for lizards and old people. Although those lizards have done quite well in evolutionary terms. Let’s ignore the part where they lose their tail for now. They’re still here, aren’t they? And often they’re not really relaxing but watching for prey. Maybe that could work the other way around, where you first only pretend to be relaxed while really being on high alert. The normal order of things is “I feel x”, x being fury, for example, so your body and face will show shape and expression xx accordingly. But there is also the reverse effect. You put your body in a certain position xx and then your body starts producing the corresponding neurochemicals and subsequently you feel x. Have you tried if that works for you? It’s really not fair of us to treat you as our personal guinea pig, cute as they are (and supposedly tasty, too). I solemnly swear I won’t ever come after you with a pair of clippers to cut your nails.

  3. Whatever you fancy says:

    You have 8 minutes to respond. You don’t facilitate me that much.

  4. Michele says:

    What do you think when you read your own words?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Brilliance, accuracy and effectiveness.

      1. Joa says:

        Damn, same thing again. When I see this type of answer, that HG gave here, I immediately straighten my back, smile with pleasure and put my antennae out 🙂 Ready for action.

        It’s funny, how three words instantly elevate everything in me.


        Michelle – oh, double reaction. When I met N1, the first girl he triangulated me with was Michelle – his ex, with whom he had sexual relations before me (he told the details with shining eyes). A story from almost 30 years ago, N1 doesn’t interest me as a partner, and yet this name still evokes a reaction 🙂

        Although, after Michelle there was Karolina (also his ex, a romantic, whom we met on our first vacation together by the lake and with whom he disappeared for a few hours…), and then Lidka (also his ex, a beautiful and self-confident woman, older than him by 10 years, a student, earning extra money for her studies thanks to sexual regular contacts with several men), and then … a flock of women, with whom I was triangulated. I remember them all.

        Hmmm, I always thought I was a terribly jealous woman. Because of this, I had a lot of remorse.

        Now, I think I was stoically calm and confident.

        Jealousy is a hell of a feeling 🙂

  5. Allison C. says:

    HG, you pierce my heart.

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