Psychopath : Compassion
As an emotionally detached observer, compassion is a concept that once eluded me. I stood on the periphery, analyzing the intricate web of human emotions with a detached curiosity, but the application of my intellect and repeated observation of the behaviour of others enabled me to stack the building blocks of comprehension. Compassion, in all its intricacies, seems to defy logic and reason.
To the uninitiated, compassion is often seen as a virtue, a noble quality that binds individuals together and promotes empathy and understanding. However, from my perspective, compassion appears as a weakness, a vulnerability that leaves one open to exploitation and emotional entanglement.
In the realm of emotions, compassion can blur the lines of rationality. It hinders clear judgment and often prioritizes the needs and suffering of others above one’s own. I perceive this as a precarious state of being, susceptible to manipulation and coercion.
Furthermore, compassion has the propensity to cloud one’s ability to make rational decisions. It can lead individuals to act against their own self-interests, driven solely by altruism and disregarding the practical realities of the situation at hand. This is a flaw in the human psyche, as the emotional weight of compassion often overpowers logical thinking.
In addition, showing compassion can create a sense of expectation and dependency in others. When one consistently offers sympathy and support, it inadvertently encourages dependents and discourages self-reliance. This is a problem for it perpetuates a cycle of neediness, weakening the autonomy of individuals and hindering personal growth.
Moreover, compassion can be manipulated and exploited by those who see it as a weakness to be capitalized upon. Individuals may camouflage their true intentions behind a facade of helplessness, seeking the sympathy and compassion of others to gain an advantage. The emotionally detached person recognizes this manipulative tactic and chooses to guard against it, avoiding emotional entanglements that can be exploited. I have witnessed this chicanery adopted by the cowardly Mid Range Narcissists, another reason why I have such contempt for them.
Additionally, an excessive emphasis on compassion can foster a sense of entitlement among those who receive it. When compassion becomes an expectation rather than a genuine act of kindness, it erodes the authenticity and purity of the emotion. This is a clear drawback, as it perpetuates a sense of entitlement and can lead to a lack of reciprocation.
Compassion can impede personal progress by fostering a mindset of perpetual caretaking. When one becomes consumed with the suffering and needs of others, their own ambitions and desires can be overshadowed. I note this as a hindrance, as it distracts individuals from pursuing their own goals and hinders personal
I observe that compassion can often lead to problems for human beings. While compassion is often regarded as a positive trait, it can also present challenges and complications in various ways.
One of the main problems that arises from compassion is the potential for it to be manipulated or taken advantage of. When people are driven by a deep sense of empathy and compassion for others, they can become vulnerable to those who may seek to exploit their kindness for personal gain. This manipulation can result in individuals being taken advantage of, their trust betrayed, or their resources drained.
Moreover, compassion can sometimes lead to unhealthy boundaries and relationships. When people extend boundless compassion towards others, they may inadvertently neglect their own well-being and allow themselves to be drained emotionally, physically, or financially. This can result in burnout, personal suffering, and difficulties in maintaining healthy boundaries in relationships.
Additionally, compassion can sometimes lead to enabling behavior, by providing support and assistance without addressing the underlying causes or encouraging self-sufficiency. This can create dependency and hinder resilience in individuals. I have seen many fall prey to this, something which I have utilised to my advantage in the toying of appliances.
Compassion can also have adverse effects on decision-making and problem-solving. When individuals are excessively driven by compassion, they may prioritize short-term relief or immediate emotional gratification over long-term solutions. This can result in ineffective decision-making or problem-solving strategies that fail to address the root causes of the issues at hand.
Excessive compassion can lead to moral dilemmas and conflicts. For instance, when individuals encounter situations where their compassionate actions may contradict personal values or societal norms, they may face internal struggles and difficulties in reaching a resolution.
Lastly, compassion can sometimes foster dependence instead of empowerment. While being compassionate towards others is noble, relying solely on acts of kindness can inadvertently hinder individuals’ ability to develop their own solutions and take responsibility for their lives. This can perpetuate cycles of reliance on external assistance rather than encouraging the creation of resilience.
While compassion is often seen as a positive trait, it is essential to acknowledge the potential problems it can create for human beings. Having none myself, I have never been waylaid by these complications, however, it remains such an advantage to be able to study this behaviour in others, recognise its weaknesses and then exploit them.
70 thoughts on “Psychopath : Compassion”
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This well articulated article is one of the ones I save. Managing compassion in a healthy manner is a challenge I’ll soon achieve. This was a much needed & much appreciated topic.
You are welcome
Dear Mr Tudor,
Compassion and empathy do not make us weak. In fact, it makes us stronger !
Dearest Bubbles, very much agree. Well said.
Best,
DB
Hey Bubbles 🙂
“ Compassion and empathy do not make us weak. In fact it makes us stronger!”
I think that depends on who the “us” is. I fully agree that this world needs more compassion and empathy in terms of humankind as a whole. Without empathy and compassion the poor would get poorer, the weak weaker, the sick sicker and ultimately, this would have a detrimental impact as on humankind as a whole. Poverty impacts everyone in the end, we share the same planet and the same resources. So here, I fully agree empathy and compassion make us as a human race stronger.
On an individual level I’m inclined to disagree. Compassion comes with a personal cost. It’s freely given but it isn’t free. That cost might just be financial (giving to a charity) it might be time (volunteering) it might be emotional energy (upset or worry). Compassion might also come at a cost to others as a direct result of the impact providing compassion has on the provider ( again, thinking upset, worry, absence).
I agree with you. I will do the same with my own mother. I will never see her in need of anything, I will never abandon my responsibilities. That has everything to do with me as a person and nothing whatsoever to do with her. My mother and her manipulations have little impact on me though (I admit, they do in terms of cross pollution) I am not taking on damage, so I have the luxury of sticking to my personal code of conduct. But what if she did impact me negatively? Damaged my confidence, upset me, or took advantage of me? When is the cost of compassion too high? Where is the line? It depends on the individual I think.
Compassion makes us feel good about ourselves, so technically we are rewarded for its cost, but even here how far can that feel good factor be trusted? It’s down in part to dopamine. We do something good and we get a little hit of dopamine for our effort. If compassion is dopamine linked, can we be sure that we are being selflessly compassionate, or, are we being conned by our own social conditioning and brain chemistry? Individual compassion might not always be as selfless as we think it is.
I can’t think of an instance where compassion can be given without personal cost and as such I think we have to be selective with our compassion in line with cost to ourselves.
For what it’s worth I am comparatively very compassionate haha! I am beginning to use it more wisely though, not everyone gets to be a beneficiary. I judge that more in terms of personal cost, rather than category of person. If I didn’t, it would be time for my mum to start getting just a little bit concerned! Haha!
Just some thoughts, similar to yours in some respects, a little more cynical in others!
Hope you are looking after yourself Bubbles.
Xx
Dear Truth,
I very much appreciate your comment and feedback. I admire the fact we all see thru a different lens and that means we learn more, so thank you.
I understand what you’re saying and realise compassion and empathy can come at a cost! My comment is based on what we have endured with a narcissist, ie surviving and then hence coming out the other end much stronger.
I think generally, people view compassion and empathy as weaknesses, but I feel perhaps, only if you give too much of it away.
You mentioned giving to charities. I give to ‘my’ choice of charities, but only what I can afford. I volunteer, but only what the time I can spare . People will always expect you to do more because our kind very rarely say no. I used to take this elderly lady out (thru Red Cross ) for shopping etc, it was meant to be 2 hours only …she manipulated my time again and again, it was so obvious! I was a ‘magnet’ when it came to collecting door to door to and public events, they loved having me as I did quite well. I wouldn’t go door to door now even if they paid me, stuff that ! Haha
Absolutely, compassion comes at a price, couldn’t agree more. I now have to be more cautious and selective about how much I give because my mental and physical health have been compromised. We possess very special resources and must use them wisely and not give them so freely.
And yes, I have been rejected many times with my offers of comfort and support to others who are suffering or struggling. Rejection hurts, however, I must respect their decision and let them come to me if and when they are ready.
I try to put a positive spin on things because all my life I bashed myself up thinking , ‘what’s wrong with me, how can I do better ?” I’ve been abused in the work place, horrendously, on many occasion because of me just being me. They walk all over people like us! One lot, I took to court and won, well, not physically cos they chickened out and settled out of court and yes, lil ol me going to court, I know right, who would’ve thought? Thank heavens I was in a union att. Hehe
My mum has always been this very strong, independent, judgemental, opinionated, critical, cold hearted unapproachable person. Now she sits in aged care, very feeble and weak, can barely walk and is trying desperately to be seen as lovely, nice, a good person and a Christian.
Who’s the strong one now ? Hehe
Ps luv you being cynical, makes us think 🤔 hehe
Thank you Truth, always a pleasure ☺️xx
Hey Bubbles,
Totally, I find it hard to say no too. I think once I’m in I’m in, so it’s too late for me to limit the amount of myself that I’ll give to someone. I am learning to not ‘go in’ to begin with, or at least not without real consideration. I have to take stock of my own mental resources first, people can take too much from me otherwise.
I have done similar at work, taken on too much, taken on projects that are outside of my role, but there I’m quite manipulative. Work is work, I took projects on in part to increase my exposure, to get myself known for when the secondments came up haha! I can be quite calculating in that arena.
I think the experience that taught me most about compassion, how much it can take from you, was when I formed a friendship with a guy who directly reached out to me for help. I had chatted with him for months online as part of a team of players in an online game. ( the same game that brought the online narc knocking at my virtual door). We were chatting one night and he asked in game if we could chat privately, he needed my advice on something personal. Me being me I agreed. It turned out he was suicidal, had attempted suicide once before, would cut himself, self harming when he couldn’t cope with the sadness. That night when he asked me for help he was stood in the bathroom with a razor. I was his last port of call.
I’m not a therapist, I am not trained in how to deal with that kind of thing but for some unknown reason I was the one he chose to talk to. From that night on I made myself available any time, day or night. Most of the time he was incredibly funny, one of the funniest people I know, part of the act I suppose. People have to function, humour was his shield I think.
I remember driving my daughter to a party, a message came in. I dropped my daughter off, didn’t go in as planned, answered the text instead, with “I’m here, are you ok? Don’t do anything stupid.” He messaged back with “Too late. I’m sorry TS.” He’d cut himself again, in those ten minutes where I hadn’t answered. Then apologised because he knew I’d feel awful. I told him to show me, this seemed to work. The rule became that if he cut then he had to video call and show me. He was protective, knew I found that really hard, so the having to show me put a barrier in the way for him. Bit by bit I was learning. He refused to speak to therapists, was hospitalised at one point, all sorts but it was me who he actually talked to. He just used to act the fool with doctors, would make out he was fine, no amount of encouragement from me would make him trust them.
As he confided, described how he felt, I would sink with him, purposely trying to get an emotional fix on where he was. Where he was, was probably the darkest, most desolate, most lonely place I’ve ever felt. I’d sit there with him in that mental darkness and then I’d have to find my way out of it again. Apparently, therapists are trained to keep themselves separate, I wasn’t able to do that.
He’s married now, has a little girl, he’s well and credits me for getting him to that point, though it’s him that really had to do the work. I helped him pick out his suit for the wedding haha! Video call from the changing rooms. That was funny, he has a bloody awful taste in suits! Very occasionally, he checks in, lets me know he’s still ok, sends photos of the house he’s doing up, his wife and daughter. He’s still well, still no cutting.
Compassion is a true gift of the empath I think, but at the time, it took an awful lot out of me, if I’m honest, it took a dangerous amount out of me. I did learn from it though. I learned that guilt is a real killer. I also learned that I always find my way back, no matter how low I sink, I am always ok in the end, but, I also need to check myself before I commit myself to someone, because had I not been fully myself at the start of that, the ending might not have been so positive.
I have pondered whether this guy (Dan) was a narc or not. I’ve concluded that he isn’t. He was just a person who was dealt a shockingly bad hand, made some really bad decisions and got so lost in it all he couldn’t see a way out. I don’t think it’s coincidence though that next on the scene was the online narc. Fair enough, things in my own life had taken a considerable turn for the worse when he showed up but I do think the cost to me of that first online experience was my guard being down for the second. I thought I saw similarities, thought I could save the online narc and I was very very wrong that time. I might have got out quicker had I not had success with helping Dan. That said, I wouldn’t change anything. I’d still help Dan, it’s me steering my own ship, no one else. I suppose I’m gradually learning to be a bit more careful in terms of where my compassion is directed. I don’t find that easy. It’s like the safety routine on a plane. Put your own oxygen mask on first before you try to help anyone else!
Me too Bubbles, I always love to read what you have to say 😘
Xx
Dear Truth,
Ohhhh my, what a story Truth !
What a caring noble gesture you took upon yourself to help this poor wounded soul. It could’ve literally backfired and hence you would’ve ended up with a guilt complex for not having done more.
Look at him now, all because of you! Sensational ! That’s true empathy, caring, patience and understanding. It’s extremely hard work to try and delve into someone’s psyche. Depression is a very difficult cycle to break.
You sincerely cared, thankfully, he listened 🥰
Great ending all round?
Ps…..
These are the only masks 🎭 you need not worry about ….they can’t be saved ! 🤣
💕xx
Bravo
Love is patient, love is kind… I think compassion is the embodiment of both:)
Hi Bubbles,
Yes, you get it, delving into his psyche was exactly what I was doing, or, trying to do. To feel what he felt but with my ‘healthy’ mind searching for the solution. You’re right also that had I failed, I’m not sure how I would have reconciled the guilt of that.
Fortunately, we got lucky. He really does seem happy now.
Xx
Dear Truth,
You are truly gifted with the patience of a Saint, you’re definitely going to heaven 😇
💕xx
Bubbles,
Heaven? Oh no, please don’t send me there. No fun to be had with angels! 😂
Xx
Bravo for your compassion. Sometimes it takes just to be person to change another’s life!
Interesting conversation bubbles and TS. I hope you don’t mind me jumping in. I love how you’ve managed yourselves post knowledge. Sometimes I feel I’ve taken things too far and you guys seem to have a healthy middle ground. It’s really lovely! I used to do anything for anyone but now I’ve cut that out almost completely. Sadly including charities, donations and volunteering. I had a role as trustee for two different charities and certainly the two I experienced were largely run by narcs overseen by narcs, money squandered and no one ever taken to account for this even when found out. And now I’ll only help people if they have a kind heart or if it’s a narc, I’d only do it if there’s something in it for me.
I remember early on feeling sad my naivety had gone. But now I’m truly thankful. I used to think how happy I was before but I was plagued by narcs in every walk of life. But with knowledge and explaining away their behaviour it makes it all so much easier. So I guess it’s a different kind of happiness now. Much like until you’ve had children you can live life to the full in one way. Once you have children life changes dramatically and you become happy with different things and different outlooks.
Anyway all I really wanted to say is that I admire you both so much for how you find a middle ground with it all.
Dear Alexis,
Thank you so whole heartedly lovely ☺️ luv you jumpin in hehe
Ummm, it hasn’t been easy Alexis, each to their own pace!
I’m still me, but I’m very wary now ! I prefer to be at home than be with strangers (although I get on really well with people ).
I’m extremely selective and won’t be intimidated into doing anything! I think it also has a lot to do with aging as well. Circumstances change, priorities changes and learning redefines you !
I don’t want drama or hassles, I want easy and stress free ! My expectations have boundaries, I question everything and I see more clearly now thru everyone’s bullshit ! Being selective is worthy ! I don’t need or want much anymore, makes it so much easier.
Don’t ever undervalue yourself !
For me, it’s working ! Finally 🥳
You can too!☺️
Ps Children don’t automatically make you happy, they bring on a challenge to one’s self, especially patience, resilience and lack of finances 🤣
Hi Alexis,
Oh I don’t know, it depends what day you catch me on haha! I find myself often very disillusioned with the state of the world at the moment. I can understand why you might give less than previously, pre knowledge. Giving of yourself to those who deserve it sounds sensible to me, I don’t think it makes you harder just probably smarter, and definitely safer. I might have found a middle ground, maybe, I take as I find, run with that, listen to my instincts and try to use what I’ve learned here. Best I can do I think.
Xx
Awww thanks bubbles 😍 (complete with emoji as I know how much HG loves them).
I guess I wasn’t putting myself down as such as merely stating how I am and that I love the way you guys are far more middle ground than I am. Yes I love the peace and no drama – well most of the time Hahhah
Children definitely brought happiness to my life. But definitely costly hahaha my mum saw us more as a chore I think, well at least most of the time. She wasn’t an N though. You know the sort of person who sees the glass as half empty, well she didn’t think there was anything in it at all hhaha. Not her fault, I think she just got kinda stuck that way and nothing could pull her back.
I know it’s sad though, not giving like i used to. But I question now, who everyone is, what am I giving to? Whether that’s time or money. Whether that’s s homeless person or s big charity. Whose pockets am i lining. I know many people question with a homeless person for example, what they’ll spend the money on. But that was never s though which really entered my head. I used to see a person in need of something, no matter what it was. Now I have to question are they a good person who just had a really bad run of luck, or a victim narc who gains fuel from other peoples sympathy or anger towards them. And so I’d have to weigh all that up first, which I guess is quite tricky when you’re simply walking past. Same with big charities, whose pockets am i lining? Who will receive any benefit T the end? Will it be a narc? So I’d rather help someone whom I know is s good person. Judged by me hahahah
But I truly admire you TS. I’d love to be more middle ground x
Hi Alexis,
Definitely know what you mean about charities, I don’t trust big charities either. I’m lucky in that I give to two charities locally, I know the people who run them and I get to see exactly where my money is spent. That’s just a happy coincidence though in terms of where I live.
There is an element of trying not to overthink it too I think. Post knowledge we see narcs everywhere, our eyes are opened and we don’t necessarily like what we see. In terms of your homeless person example, you’re right, the person asking for money might be a narc with a BMW parked round the back. Well, if he wants to stand all day in the cold and rain, best of luck to him I say! Enjoy your mocca chocca latte on me haha! It’s inevitable I’m going to get caught out from time to time but there are plenty of other times I won’t, I think rightly or wrongly, that’s probably the way I view it.
Thank you for your lovely comment Alexis, I really appreciate it.
Xx
Dear Alexis,
I totally concur!
There are so many scammers now, you don’t know who to trust!
We donate to animal charities run by volunteers !
Sadly, big charity corporations, big salaries and big overheads!
Bubbles:
The Executive Dementor who made my previous job such a misery has found a new victim: a genuinely devout man who told me he was glad at least it kept E-D too busy to persecute anyone else. A little googling turned up the fact that this was E-D’s 4th job in 4 years, in 3 different states. Three of the schools were Diocesan; and this was a classical school (until he tried to change its focus) in the Catholic tradition.
E-D is as convinced of his own rectitude as the Pharisee preening himself about his superiority to the Tax Collector. However, he is a sniveling little coward who I suspect can’t stand the fact that my old co-worker refrains from telling him to shove his 90-day improvement plan out of genuine patience and self-control, even compassion, not fear.
Dear Viol,
Thank goodness for HR now! In my day, it was the Sex Discrimination Board, but because of its infancy, they were as useless as tits on a bull! 🤣
We just watched Scouts Honor : The Secret Files of the Boys Scouts on Netflix. Any type of leadership or management, on all levels, need to be made accountable!
Dear Viol,
Whoops-a- daisy, that was meant to be teets on a bull 🤣
Can’t take me anywhere 🤣
Xx
Hi Bubbles, I guess this depends on one’s perspective. 😁😃
Dear A Victor,
Hi lovely,
Exactly, but that also makes it interesting. Xx 😉
Haha Bubbles! You are right! 💕
“One of the main problems that arises from compassion is the potential for it to be manipulated or taken advantage of. When people are driven by a deep sense of empathy and compassion for others, they can become vulnerable to those who may seek to exploit their kindness for personal gain. This manipulation can result in individuals being taken advantage of, their trust betrayed, or their resources drained.
Moreover, compassion can sometimes lead to unhealthy boundaries and relationships. When people extend boundless compassion towards others, they may inadvertently neglect their own well-being and allow themselves to be drained emotionally, physically, or financially. This can result in burnout, personal suffering, and difficulties in maintaining healthy boundaries in relationships.”
Martyr cadre says hi.
I think compassion should live, but not as enabling harmful behavior. A lot of enablers feel bad for addicts. They feel mean if they stop enabling, esp if the addict was abused. Kids are often forced to enable parents. Not only are their lives stagnant, how do they know spontaneous compassion vs FOG (fear guilt obligation)? A lot of people have compassion turned into FOG, and shut it off (depression, misanthropy, etc). How many narcs exist because they were raised in FOG and conclude that compassion is fake, to be abused, or getting abused?
Thank you for sharing your perspective, HG. I learn to look from another point of view, even if it doesn’t always change mine. We have to look at if what we do is good, or enabling harm (one person harming another, someone harming themselves, or a compassionate person harming themselves by giving and/or enabling too much).
Candied! I so agree! But I challenge the martyr category as I think it should be split in two. Gandhi, Joan of Arc, Martin Luther King Jr and others have been called martyrs! Some people simply put their beliefs before anything and it will harm them even kill them. But we admire these people for their unflinching faith. We need them as they set lines in the sand like stone and make people see it… respect it… I don’t look at the martyr category as someone who is a doormat but someone who creates a door. Yes at their own personal happiness, safety, and well being. But some of us must live by a creed not always suitable to others. But to a God greater than mankind and to whom we serve. None of the martyrs mentioned were perfect. Unlike Jesus, they were human. Humans who li d, sometimes cheated, who were proud and vain at times but their service to the Creator was unparalleled. I think HG took religion out of the equation with this category and you cannot. I have a martyr cadre to my contagion majority and I live my life privately and informally to some extent religious. I don’t preach my beliefs but I live by them. I personally think it’s silly to think this life is anything but a second and eternity is long and to live without following the Light is meaningless. My path and beliefs are mine and everyone else can chose another. I respect that. Totally. I respect you for I am no better. I am just like you putting one foot in front of the other walking this earth while alive. But I would not do anything that was not in my set of beliefs or for whom I serve everlasting. Not for any human and not for anything. Money or otherwise. When you try to do what’s right, it can bite you. Yes. You learn. You grow. But you never regret walking towards the Light. I have lost count the number of people I have taken in, given free legal advice, or aided in other ways. I have also walked away from great money or an opportunity as it was a crossroads. I knew which path to take. Some took advantage and see me as weak or DID. That is not the case. I helped them to help but also because I want to do right by my inner beliefs. And I have found this path to have had trouble, yes, but by taking it the fruits have multiplied. What ever your religion and I accept all, I believe we should follow our hearts purely even if at times at a cost. So yes, martyr is me but I don’t see it as weak. I see it as an absolute way to be. My Handiman is a blessing. He fixed my water heater at a fair price. Fair prices he always gives. I told him about the cons who wanted to fix my HVAC at exorbitant prices as he would not. He said he knew an HVAC guy who took 600$ for fixing a fuse. He said you can deceive and make money but I think there is room for people like me who are honest and fix things for a fair price. A man after my own heart. Integrity. Light.
Hi Contagious! Yes HG’s martyr, according to his video and what I got in my EDC is a doormat, Carrier w/o limits. You have a good idea to split martyr into doormats and those who make doors, like Joan of Arc, MLK Jr, etc. I wouldn’t call them weak! They enacted or were devoted to what they thought was right. They’re not perfect, but they had strength and inspired actual change.
Yes from what I read and hear in HG’s work, he took religion out of martyr, unless he implied it. I heard the martyr part of my edc and felt like poison was spreading in me. I’m a bad martyr. You’re the good one, a Good Samaritan. I wonder if Prince Harry has martyr. Life feels long to me, but you’re right, it’s short. Do narcs who feel they follow Light get a wake-up call before they die? Do we all, a sense of “you did that wrong or selfishly, now admit it and make amends if you can”? Do you think HG follows his own “light”, his prime aims or God has HG on a course with a destination to Light, even if HG disagrees? Like persuading a feral cat to come inside, so the cat comes in thinking “this was my idea obviously”? I think you’ve mentioned HG being a watcher and used by God. You could be right. I admire your devotion to your beliefs, even when it bites you. My doormat instinct is the closest thing I have to a conscience. If someone by me needs help and I can, I will. Maybe standard empaths don’t change the world. Struggling w/ religion and having to act like my dad’s a saint when he’s a bully, I often don’t know what’s right. I feel I dislike suffering, but can’t say I do everything I can to stop it. What’s the right balance of sacrificing and preserving oneself? Is it narcissism to ask? How many of us are here because we got sucked dry by narcs? Is it selfish of us to not want to live that way (I hope not)?
Having martyr doesn’t make you weak, just that you go the extra mile and practice what you preach. I’ve seen it in your comments. It can be abused, but isn’t a destiny to be a doormat. I’m glad you got a handyman w/ integrity. Many “fixers” don’t have it.
Candied! Thank you! It’s a true honor to meet you. First, I am a martyr to an extent. I go with the first impulse. Do right if I feel I can make a difference but I close the door on those I can’t reach. I can only touch the hem of MLKs cloth but can you see MLK wasting his time debating with a KKK head? No he set his path on a greater course and to achieve greater sims, all primarily motivated by his religious beliefs. Martyr originates from Ancient Greek and has commonly been applied to Christians throughout history when they would not denounce their beliefs. It means “ witness.” It’s a term that has been applied across religious denominations such as with Gandhi. 10/7 I shall see the Passiin of Joan of Arc at the Pacific Symphony. As to HG, I have made it no secret that God works through him aware or not. My beliefs. Only mine. When I first “ met” him I felt ice cold wind but then came his voice through the empty void. Yup. 🙂 For fun watch his you tube where he describes a narcissistic psychopath in music and imaginary. Take note of his use of light…
Candied you asked a good question does a narc or psychopath ever worry about the afterlife. Most are unaware so I think not. They die “ good people whose bad acts were caused by others. Others. Hmmm. I know my ex husband diagnosed was irritated by my “ obsession with death.” He came to church often with me even the baptism of our daughter and during one service I found out during the divorce he drew a devil. Mocked God. He would hurl insults at Christ during our divorce to upset me. He did. I felt like to my skin. Like a Priest during an exorcism feels a demon. This was a man who had a “ epiphany” to marry me as I said my children would be raised in my Faith or I could never marry him. The worst was when during a court hearing he proudly told the court he didn’t care if I got on my knees before Jesus in a vulgar way to upset me. BUT what a mistake to say that to a very Catholic Cuban judge. I got an every Christmas with the kids;) I digress but while my ex didn’t respect God, he was not comfortable with the idea of death. He didn’t like to think about it. He was clearly not afraid but he clearly had something unresolved that lived in his psychopath head.
Hey Candied one more story to share. I was young. An attorney licensed in two states and a junior partner. The senior partner wanted me to do something unethical and I refused. Packed up my things and was walking out the door when I said to him “ life is short, and eternity is king. He shuddered visibly. He was greedy but not a narc clearly as we worked it out. With ethics. I always had this streak at 18 I worked at a top night club in Philly and they had sexual fantasy nights. The waitresses and bartenders wore skimpy sexy lingerie. I balked at that exploitation. I showed up fully clothed dressed as Aphrodite! The coccaine warped 40 year old abusive manager was livid. He grabbed my arm in the room to take me to the waitress quarters, he would do this to others for not wearing lipstick. When he grabbed me, I threw my fully stocked tray of drinks at his head and told him “to go to rehab. I quit. “ He went to call security but no one moved as I walked out. Only to have to work two jobs to pay my rent that summer. To this day, people remember that night who were there:) I could tell more stories but as an absolute believer as my son tells me I am, when you hit a crossroad, you take the high road. It has a better clearer view:)
I am probably babbling on but I must add that my daughter with my ex psychopath turned out better than my wildest dreams. He takes ownership for her accomplishments and calls her a “ great kid.” It was smooth sailing as I paid for everything and did everything. We never spoke again. A year or so ago I ran into him at a grocery store, we have seen each other from time to time but this was the closest. We both jumped back. Lol. Lil told me her father texted her saying derogatory things about me that I had plastic surgery ( I did not.) I said nothing about him but laughed. I actually said hello. My daughter told me he still “ hates you.” I said the same thing to her I had said a million times before. It does not matter what he thinks about me. That’s between us. What matters is your relationship with him and I hope it’s a good one.
One last thing, I have left rich men. Very rich men. I have had “ opportunities” in life that did not set right with my internal beliefs. I have helped people when it is “ crazy” to do so. I gave up making $250,000 a year at 30 and was on my way to be a millionaire + because I discovered I was pregnant. It was an unexpected gift from God. I never once thought about my decision. There was only one for me. I don’t judge others by the way. I don’t think the State has the rights to a woman’s body no matter what my beliefs. You n short, live by your Creed, die by it. If that makes me a matyr. Yup. I regret only unkind words or decisions.
Compassion is one of the reasons I thought I was a narcissist as a young woman, or a lack of it… Or a lack of recognizing it when I had it…
Glad to know I do have it and glad to be recognizing it these past couple of years. Not a ton, not all the time, for things that many would have it for, but enough to know it does exist in me.
This article is interesting. What it feels like not to have it, which was similar for me when my emotions were stuffed away, and the problems which are then avoided, the problems those of us who have compassion can have. The biggest problem I can see is trying not to have too much compassion for those who don’t have any, not allow the addiction to take hold, the ET to rise.
Do Empaths have an addiction to psychopaths HG? Do psychopaths make the Empaths ET rise?
Mr. Tudor,
I agree with Who Cares, you really do understand the plight of the empath. The biggest thing that I got from this article was similar to Who Cares. Its ok and even necessary, that we don’t show compassion and empathy for everyone. Too much compassion enables and could do more harm than good. Thank you for writing this article, Mr. Tudor. It’s Brilliant!
You’re welcome
Dear Mr Tudor,
My head was nodding up n down like one of those ridiculous ‘wobble heads’ reading thru this incredible read. God must’ve sneezed when he sprinkled me with compassion dust, coz he overdosed me something shocking. I’ve cursed him ever since heheh
Where was Lucifer when I needed him ? 😈 ….probably sitting back sipping on his ‘Devil’s Cocktail’ contemplating what fun he’ll have with this one.
🤣
One of your best 🤩
The argumentation in this article is shattering and cannot be refuted because it is 100% logical. It presents clear reasoning that having commiserating feelings for others only creates attachment and therefore dependence, which consequently makes you play with a disadvantage. Hence the problem: you do not choose to have compassion. Can you refuse to act upon it? You could, but that doesn’t stop you from sheltering that feeling and probably, substituting it for guilt if you do not give in to it. Sigh. HG, I am sure many people have already told you they wish they were a psychopath sometimes, is this correct?
It is.
Thanks. I see I’m not the only one!
HG,
I have questions about compassion please, namely, normal versus empath.
The normal’s range of empathy is far narrower, so in terms of being ‘moved’ by something, in terms of their compassion being activated, would it be activated when thinking about a past event, a general broad term event? For example Covid, ( not a direct family / friend account of Covid) or an account of an historical war?
This arrived in my YouTube feed. Not my usual style, but I can’t get through it without feeling immensely sad. I’ve heard the song before, but the song and the images of this particular version causes sadness through compassion being activated. (I think.)
So my question really is, would a normal feel similarly when watching this or in the situations described above.
Also, is it clear to you why an empath would find this sad, and, am I right in thinking it’s due to broad range compassion?
Sorry for the lengthy question, I’m just interested in what you have to say about it if you have time.
Thank you.
https://youtu.be/TBQMzrrhyIo
A normal has substantial emotional empathy but for a narrower GROUP of people, the emotional empathy is not narrow of itself.
Thank you for your response HG.
You’re welcome
Wow, I so enjoyed this article. You really *get* the plight of empaths.
People put the concept of “compassion” on such a high pedestal – and it IS a good thing – plus, we feel that we can pat ourselves on the back simply because we did something ‘out of compassion’, because surely, since we acted out of compassion, the outcome can only be “good”..?
One of the things that I am grateful for from my education here – other than being better able to recognize narcissists and therefore avoid exploitation of my empathy by them – is that my empathy is a valuable resource and I am allowed to exercise it with discretion – if I so choose. Yes, I am allowed to. It makes me feel somewhat cold to express that, but having had my empathy and compassion exhausted and exploited to the max, in a nine year ensnarement – it is also very freeing. I can choose to extend my empathy to someone, once I have learned what type of individual they are and where their motivations stem from – no one is automatically entitled to my empathy.
This is probably one of my favourite articles of yours, HG. And this is likely going down as one of my favourite quotations of yours: “When compassion becomes an expectation rather than a genuine act of kindness, it erodes the authenticity and purity of the emotion.”
Thank you Who Cares, I am pleased that my writing was of interest to you and resonated with you.
Great comment, WhoCares, good to read it 🙂
Thanks, Asp Emp.
WC,
This right here:
“One of the things that I am grateful for from my education here is that my empathy is a valuable resource and I am allowed to exercise it with discretion – if I so choose. Yes, I am allowed to.”
“no one is automatically entitled to my empathy”
I feel exactly the same way. Now, because of what I’ve learned here, my empathy has to be earned.
Thank you for you sharing this comment! I agree, this article is amazing.
Thank-you, Leigh.
This is fascinating!!
So let’s say, if compassion would instead be build upon empathy and logic it wouldn’t become a weakness!
Further, if personal values would be build upon this type of compassion everyone around, including the giver, would benefit.
But it will contradict societal norms about compassion in 99%. Societal norms are like the10 commandments – tricky, conflictive, suggestive. (You shall not kill – in reality include: you can and you will. It encompasses the “I want”-potential and pulls the “I am” over to the negative side. The individual becomes “bad” because potentially they could kill. It cuts the individual in half and off from the self and their connection with the creation and the reality which surrounds them. They create false reality.)
Compassion (empathy+logic) is but clear. If it would be corrupted by societal norms it would become a weakness, would be muddied. Then it’s not compassion, but something else.
Jordyguin: I agree also it ignores “to give is to receive.” It ignores the joy in giving without the thought of strings. And it ignores the success compassion has sown throughout the world whether it was the end of slavery, the building of schools, communities, libraries, public art, charities. Compassion is passion, it is a love that something a psychopath who only wants what he or she wants to achieve a goal will never understand. BUT even psychopaths can be deceived and robbed of a “ give back” when they give something to achieve a goal and revive nothing in return. It happens. Without compassion there is no community. Yes it appears to be a dog eat dog eat world but go to any school and see the community volunteer to help the children. Children benefit from this community and many grow to be compassionate people ( some). Another example imagine a nurse or teacher without compassion … would you ever go back? The total lack of compassion would easily break down society. And while there are plenty of greedy people psychopaths or not, the world is full of compassion as demonstrated by communities. Compassion is the opposite to weakness. To give to another with no strings attached to better them or the world takes strength. Well… we all need more and more compassion or kindness or love not less. With that being said someone who gives to another and it causes dependency or enabling is an enabler. That’s not compassion. Compassion can be tough love like in dealing with addicts. In fact, it takes a lot of compassion not to enable. Nope compassion is a tool, a building brick and strength. Swords up empaths! Great article as always HG. But again I wonder what percent psychopaths of the 1% of humanity ponder on compassion? Ultras? Yes. But the 25% of psychopaths that align the USA prison probably never gave it a second thought. I have also thought of Mother Theresa who heard God and brought compassion to the poorest of the poor, letting people no one cared about die with love and who built hundreds of schools, and won world wide recognition and accolades for her compassion. She influenced people the world over.
The way healthcare is monetized in the US exploits nurses who are compassionate about helping people. Occupational, physical and speech therapy in rehab centers are pushed to be money makers and are seen as nothing else but money makers. Pushed to their braking points to squeeze every ounce of what they have for the bottom line. You go into healthcare because you care and you get royally screwed by the people at the top. Future faked, gaslighted and royally screwed.
Teachers are seen for what kind of test scores the kids can pump out. They don’t get paid enough and their stress gets pushed onto the kids to do better on the meaningless standardized test. The test scores determine their raises.
A lot of people are taking pay cuts and are leaving healthcare to work in the food and bev industry.
This is how the people who are in the caring professions are treated.
And we wonder why society is becoming more narcissistic?
This is what makes it difficult for me to find hope sometimes. It’s disheartening.
I agree Milkweed. Teachers in California can be paid well and the pensions Jerry Brown gave out left no taxpayer money for education at all. Teachers have one of the greatest unions here. With that being said… why not? Teachers are very valuable and should be paid well and receive pensions. Awful to hear about nurses. The USA insurance system is the worst! I wonder if socialized medicine provides better care for their nurses? But both classes of people are part of the middle class feeling the “ pinch” of the greed.
Well, Mother Teresa may be a saint, but she sure pimped out people in need. I can’t dispute that she let them die with love.
Hi dear Contagious, I agree with you and we can go even further and see how compassion intertwines with pain.
Compassion has a receptor for the recognition and the processing of pain, which enables an understanding of the physical, psychological, mental, emotional and spiritual pain.
Of all the unconditional concepts – compassion is the One. It is by its very nature unconditional as it automatically reacts to the pain in a physical and emotional form. Whilst pain is a language which translates the longing of a soul or a spirit of a human being, giving it form and expression. Pain is a very deep and powerful human experience and communication.
Standard compassion-ability reaches out in the case of a visible pain and as this ability dives deeper and further, even in the darkest Evil, it perceives suffering, where Evil suffers from the disconnection of its own source and becomes evil only because of that.
In simple words; the most evil person, if transported for a minute and given a perceptive insight to his/her crimes from the empathic point of view and realise how their victims felt on the physical, psychological, mental, emotional and spiritual level – it would tear that Evil apart and it would break down and would almost become unable to forgive the Self (in its every fracture), which would only result in more and more unbearable pain. And only within the truest form of Compassion it would find peace and reassemble and transform itself from Evil to the one who understands.
Compassion can see that. Compassion brings an understanding of: If they knew, they wouldn’t have done that. Forgive them for not knowing. They deserve love and understanding. Very much because it is what they search and need and it is very difficult to find.
Though I understand the slogan „Swords up empaths!“ to stand in the spirit of; don’t give up and be strong and true to yourself, at the same time it shudders me in terms of; there is a mention of a sword, which is a weapon which was drawn as a result of misunderstanding and became a source of destruction and pain. A sword (how we understand its usage) fights something which is not totally and truly understood and is perceived as an enemy. Whilst in reality there are no enemies. Only differing abilities of understanding and compassion.
Manifested in an individual — truest compassion understands unconditionally. All it needs – is a protection of logic when acted out, in order to function in balance.
Logic can become a (prison) guard of feelings but its original purpose is that of a protector of compassion (feelings) and thus giving it balance.
It is up to the individual to balance it out. All human beings of all different kinds — feel. Doesn’t matter what those feelings are – they all speak a language, most of the time it is a cacophony of emotions. Logic’s purpose is – to distinguish those notes. Heart’s purpose – to create a melody out of them all.
Utter bollocks.
The problem isn’t in having compassion. The problem is with the debased parasite who sees compassion as nothing more than something to exploit, use and/or destroy.
A person with self-respect, honesty and reason will not want to exploit compassion because it would be beneath their intelligence, integrity and dignity.
It is similar to saying that being a child is a weakness because childhood leads to being vulnerable and easy to exploit.
It is not the child who is weak or at fault. The child is simply being a child. It is the person who sees an opportunity to exploit the child and then actively does so under false pretenses who is weak and at fault.
Delighted to get under your skin and pierce that facade.
I would have to concur.
Best,
DB
There are a few people I ‘see’ compassion in. I rarely see genuine compassion from other people in person, I observe it in some people online.
In others, it’s ‘based’ on who they see ‘fit’ to be deserving of their compassion.
Correct it can “hinder” (clear judgement) because of the ‘argument’ that the individual may have, hence sometimes leading to procrastination. It may come from the point of previous abused trust (from more than one source), exploited (ie coercive control), being let down (more than once). Childhood LOCE and not being given the choice to ‘be’ added to the overall “conditioning” that was not reversed. The ‘reliance’ may stem from lack of support as a child, forcing them to be independent yet suffer in silence.
While some people may “view” compassion as a weakness, others may view it as a strength. Should compassion not have ever been present within humanity (ie within humans), would humanity be better off as a whole?
Interesting, very interesting….. “showing compassion can create a sense of expectation “. Again, I’d suggest that the “expectation” (in my view) appears more obvious in those who may have been the ‘golden child’, not the ‘scapegoat child’ because they were ‘denied’ the ‘return’. I suppose, if one experiences it, learns to understand the difference between the ‘goldens’ and ‘scapegoats’, they can ‘see’ it in other people, through their behaviours (over a period of time). Some give more, others take more (from the whole narcissist / empath spectrum). Again, it depends who “deserves” it more. I make this ‘statement’ because I see the differences between my own sibling and myself. (so, it can more or less, cause my ET to become ‘active’ and ‘respond’ accordingly – I am also self-reflecting as I type). Parental narcissist “created” this ‘discrepancy’ between the two females she birthed. The scapegoat / golden “roles” never “swapped” around, despite the lie parental narcissist said about being the “favourite”.
Yes, I’d agree. “Individuals may camouflage their true intentions behind a facade of helplessness, seeking the sympathy and compassion of others to gain an advantage”. I have to say, that does piss me off. It does not give me ‘cause’ to be “oh, woe is me” myself. It just pisses me off. Some people are actually in a better off position compared to others yet still expect to be given the sympathy and / or support without giving much (if, anything at all) in return. My ET “tells” me to say to those who are selfish to take more than they give to “go and fk themselves”. I could have chosen not to type that in, yet decided to leave it in, because it is an honest thought and I should not always have to keep my mouth shut just because someone else may object.
I cannot stand false compassion. I see it. Quite often.
“When compassion becomes an expectation rather than a genuine act of kindness, it erodes the authenticity and purity of the emotion”. It also (in my view) reduces the authenticity of the person (who expects compassion but does not give it themselves).
** end of paragraph 8, “and hinders personal….” what?
RE: paragraphs 10 & 11, I may suggest that this could be exploited further against those who are “nice / good aspies”, which can be carried out by the not so nice aspies (not necessarily just narcissists). Such a difficult position to be in when (unaware) autism ‘contributes’ to the misunderstandings in regard to social communication / interaction.
RE: paragraph 14 – very interesting that I ‘touched’ on similar in above (the “internal struggles” = ‘argument’ within oneself).
“empowerment”? (paragraph 15). Again, I’d suggest that empowerment being given to others is not always given purely out of the goodness of their heart, as they expect more than they give. Time & time again, when one had **previously been let down so many times by so many people, even by “external assistance” (aka, the system, as an example) may ‘create’ the perpetual ‘shifting sands’ because the reliability / stability was not consistent throughout life since childhood. **pre-KTN knowledge. Yet the sense of ‘shifting sands’ (the knowledge / understanding gained, thus, the emotions) remains, simply because one gets used to it.
Sometimes, to the point of ‘not accepting’ it any more. Door gets slammed shut. Or, a ‘narc-em’ gets dropped (empath grenade / narc bomb), even when ET is low and the ET ‘spike’ deserves to be thrown.
Brilliant piece of writing, HG. Good to read it and comment on it despite being aware of moments of ET spiking up, here and there.
Thank you.
Dear Asp Emp,
You’re raised some very good points here !
Compassion is consistent! “(Over a period of time )”
I don’t believe treating narcs or non narcs any different. They have the problem not me!
Just be kind, it’s a reflection of who YOU are, not who THEY are. I treat my mum as I would like to be treated.
Eg my brother didn’t send me a birthday card or text msg this year …..I sent one to him regardless, I still haven’t heard any acknowledgment from him !
I could bring in stupidity and everything else Mr Tudor is talking about right now in his Psychopath series, however, I’m me ! You just never know who needs that extended arm for whatever reason. However, I’m not completely stupid, I’m very well aware
I don’t have any expectations from outsiders, however, my immediate family are there for Mr Bubbles and myself. Our youngest is more so now, as Mr Bubbles has had a number of health issues and I’m his carer now.
Compassion comes from the heart, but for me it never fades!
It’s just who I am, but with Tudor knowledge. ☺️💕
Thank you for your response, Bubbles 🙂 x
Exactly, some people need that “extended arm” (of support), and, in my view, it is not a weakness, nor, selfishness not to offer that. It was evident that my grandmother ‘saw’ those characteristics in me from a young age and I was / am different from her other grandchildren, not necessarily because of my disabilities either, she ‘saw’ the person underneath all that.
So sorry to read about your husband, glad that your son is is more ‘there’ for you both. Thank you for ‘reminding’ me (with your response), your compassion towards people really shows. Lovely to hear from you, Bubbles xx
Dear Asp Emp,
I’ve found ‘disabilities’ generally make you a better person! Your uniqueness requires new skills and are way more intelligent than the norm. They have to struggle and push harder. They also have more compassion and empathy.
We can learn a lot, however most choose not to. Most people fear what they don’t know. Your grandmother sounds like a very wise compassionate lady.
Thank you kindly Asp Emp ….your rather special yourself 💕☺️
Are you doing better ?
Thank you for that, Bubbles xx (I spoke with a friend recently and have been assured of support, a huge relief to know because I had to wait until I got the info required, then reach out to them). Still a lot to do yet with more guidance 🙂 Thank you for listening x
Dear Asp Emp,
I’m so relieved for you. Your confidence, independence and ‘uniqueness’ requires you to challenge whatever life may hand you, that makes you a thinker and a doer. I’d have you on my team and have your back any day. Huzzah !
As always 💕
Bubbles, thank you. Ditto, I’d have you on my team too 🙂 Love to you too 🙂 xx
Dear Asp Emp,
Awwwwww 🫶🏼
Cheers gorgeous 🥂🤩