Lucy Letby : Serial Killer : Why Did She Kill? Part 10
40 thoughts on “Lucy Letby : Serial Killer : Why Did She Kill? Part 10”
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Hi! I have one more funny story slightly off topic to the knee injury offers during my divorce but you might like it. But when I was 18 I lived in Philly on Bainbridge near South Philly before starting college. I lived with 5 gorgeous ladies most a few years older and models, one was an Eagles cheerleader, one was almost the exclusive model for Oleg Cassini etc… and we had this neighbor who walked around naked and would flash us and call us when we were home. We lived in row home type area where walls were barely 12 inches apart. One night I came home after my day job interning at Philadelphia Magazine on a mob piece and then going to my second job which was cocktail waitressing. I opened my window and it was 3 am and he had pulled his pants down and was calling my name with it hanging there. I freaked and called the police. It took them hours to come and I went to the precinct where a group of cops got a good laugh at me describing it. The next day I was still afraid and I told my girlfriends big young bartender boyfriend who said he would “ talk to him.” My roommates father whose brother was a cop brought me a shotgun. He showed me how to use it and said “ you better get him the first time as the impact would kill me.” I was terrified of the gun and hid the bullets separately in my closet after he was gone. But he said he would have his brother “ talk to him.” I had a date with an older Wharton student who was Italian and bringing in imported marble for the house across the street he had bought. He was a “ rare coin” dealer who I later heard was seen at Lockett Splits with Joey Gambino Jr. We had one date. But I told him about the neighbor. He said he “ would handle it. That week I saw my neighbor, he turned white as ash and ran from me. He never again opened his shades or spoke to us. Now…who do you think resolved it?
I understand that narcs cannot take responsibility. I saw this with mineZ it was almost comical no matter what he did, it was never his fault. He is standing alone and spills a glass of milk. No big deal but he would have to say there was something wrong with the glass. I always felt he had a hidden terror of being responsible for something that went wrong no matter how innocuous. I once asked him “ what are you afraid of?” No one is going to punish you? It’s not a big deal. Or if it was an opinion that was incorrect. Who cares? Why do you care? You are entitled to an opinion of your own right or wrong. I once asked if he was terribly punished as a child for getting things wrong or doing something wrong. No reply. But he will run and hide, silent treatment and never let it go to prove a point that was inaccurate or to avoid being called out on something he did wrong. It doesn’t matter how small or insignificant or meaningless it is. If he says such and such will win an election and they don’t. It’s a wonderful le wide conspiracy and he was right. If someone doesn’t like a song he lik s he goes ballistic at the person and weeks on end he will justify his point. If he forgot to take the trash out, he will deny it. It’s obvious but he will claim we just filled them quickly. Of course every failed job, art project, relationship is not his fault BUT it is more telling in the tiny misshape like spilling the milk that matters to no one but if you looked at him you would think the world just ended. He shakes. He looks like a deer caught in a headlight. He can’t speak. He might run upstairs. It’s so odd how being wrong, making a mistake, taking responsibility for the slightest thing causes such mayhem in a narc like him. So Lucy Letby…it might be so traumatizing getting caught torturing and killing babies that it’s not their death that traumatized her or even prison to forget she actually did it but the fact that she was caught and she cannot bear being responsible for anything she did. She cannot bear to be wrong. To be responsible. But in her case although I think her parents are liars by omission, I doubt there were severe punishments at a young age to cause such a fear. But that would lead to it being a trauma that causes amnesia and not a schizophrenic break in reality ( although I don’t know) or a neurological misquote innate to narcs but the proposition that being caught or determined responsible for a bad act can be so traumatizing to a narc they actually suffer amnesia. HG?
Hello all! HG I don’t understand how a narc can forget she killed so many babies. I get the blame shifting but total amnesia? Is it a schizophrenic thing where there is the real self or the creature ( insecure feeling unlovable unwanted unseen) and the false self where imprinted memories actually shift to the real self or creature and the false self cannot recall. How does this work? They often distort reality but are you HG saying that the act of killing brought on such a trauma that it literally caused amnesia? Or the prison? The trial? Or are you saying she knows but she sticks to her story and blame shifts. Or is it confabulation? And again there are real gaps in the memory? And again is this some neurological impairment in the frontal lobe that all narcs have or does this arise in severe stress situations that narcs have memory gaps and engage in confabulation? I can see it from a general perspective or Lucy letby thinking she is “ good” like midrangers do. No amount of evidence to the contrary will change their minds but they typically would lie, downplay or blame shift the bad acts not totally for get them. Anyone have a theory? I am missing something here…
Wiser now: we live in age of Hoover parents and tiger moms. To protect their child they don’t let them play outside, they prevent friends their kids by not allowing other kids to enter the home from staying over, they monitor friends closely, they home school, they make sure every child is given a trophy on a sports team whether deserved or not, they lavish complements, gifts, trips. They fight with schools and teachers. They devour their kids. Their kids feel not trusted to make their own decisions or to be themselves. Sometimes their every waking breath is hinged on their child being ok and to make it right with complements, shopping or bending on basic rules or on the opposite side is their child must practice the violent they never wanted to learn after hours of home work. In both cases they smother their child and extinguish that light in the name of “ protection.” Children need to fall down, get up, make bad choices and learn they are CAPABLE. If you take that away you take away a soul. Let a three year old dress himself even if it takes 30 minutes and means two different colored socks. Listen to their little voice. They know if they hate baseball if they prefer art.introduce them but LISTEN. I find in validators never listen.
I’m not sure why people have kids now, when the plan is to keep them helpless and monitored! Everything you said is true and something about taking away a kid’s need to form their own opinions, hobbies, relationships as much as possible is an evil to me.
“They devour their kids. Their kids feel not trusted to make their own decisions or to be themselves.” My dad did this to a degree. Even so, maybe because he worked full time, at least I had some time alone and w/friends to run around and do my own things!
Mr. Tudor,
This was a fantastic series. Thank you for taking the time to do it.
My curiosity is getting the best of me. Can you give me an example of what Lucy may have been thinking when committing these crimes? I know her narcissism was driving her to assert control but she believed she was a protector, a healer, a fixer so why does she think she did these things? She must know she did the act or is she even in denial about that too? If she does know, then how does she justify it in her mind? Does she think she was saving these babies from a life of turmoil?
I may address this in a separate video, Leigh.
Thank you, Mr. Tudor. I look forward to it.
HG,
Looking forward to it! I’m curious now myself. Xx
Great questions Leigh, I’m curious now, too. Xx
Hi Leigh You can’t feel you are saving a baby torturing it. Many babies suffered horribly. Sadism.
I agree 100%, Contagious. Lucy Letby is a narcissist though and thinks she’s a good person even though she tortured and killed those babies. How does she reconcile that in her head? How does she think she’s a good person? How does she think she’s a healer & a fixer?
Easily, she believes she did not kill them and that she’s been framed for the incompetence of others.
Ohhhhh! She believes she was framed for the incompetence of others. That’s the piece I was missing! Thank you, thank you, thank you, Mr. Tudor!
Mr. Tudor,
1. if this woman had been a full psychopath…would she have been more likely to have gone to court for the witness impact statements?
2. Do narcissists with psychopathic tendencies (but not full psychopathy) have fuel needs somewhere between a narcissist’s higher need vs the narcissistic psychopath’s lower needs?
Thank you so much for your time. Much appreciated.
Dani
1. Yes.
2. Their fuel needs are as per the narcissist.
Wow HG, LL is really very delusional. Does she have no memory of putting air in the tube and the other things she did to cause the deaths of the children?? I can’t imagine forgetting killing someone??
Her narcissism deletes it.
She poisoned some of them with insulin! How can she justify that in her mind?
She does not justify it, in her mind she did not do it, someone else did and blamed her.
Is that how “Salt mom” Lacey Spears thinks? That she’s been unfairly convicted and the other prisoners are just meanies for frequently putting salt on her meal trays (as she has whined in interviews)?
HG,
It blows my mind that she forgets that she killed those children, her narcissism blinds her from the murders she committed….Do other narcissist also forget committing murder, or is it all certain types of narcissist?? This is really interesting how they can forget like that….Does this mean the MLSOMATIC narcissist, who killed his two daughters and his wife, doesn’t remember doing it??Blows my mind! How can he forget that?? How??
Hi Rebecca,
I would suspect that it would be possible for a narc that doesn’t have a facade to freely admit they killed someone because they would feel justified in doing so.
For other narcs, they may use the twin lines of defense, deny and deflect.
Have you ever confronted a narc in the act of them doing something and they lie right to your face? This is exactly the same thing.
LL being found guilty of murder is a threat to her control so she has to nullify the threat. She does it by denying it.
What I’m curious about is what does she think when she’s actually committing the act?
Thank you, sir.
1. So…would a full psychopath have been more interested in revelling in the sense of power they held over the families of their victims?
2. Would there be reasons other than that?
Thank you so much for your time. Much appreciated.
Dani
Mr. Tudor,
I apologize if I’m being obtuse. I’m still missing something. In the moment, when she’s actually putting air or insulin in the tube, what is she thinking? I know her narcissism sees these babies as a threat to her control because she can’t have children and so the narcissism needs to nullify the threat. I also understand that she has a sadism streak and that’s why she kills. I also understand that after the fact that she will deny & deflect. Those pieces I understand. But when she’s actually committing the act, what does she think she’s doing?
Her narcissism might tell her :-
“This baby will not survive, you are doing the decent thing by shepherding it towards peace by putting it out of its misery.”
“I am doing them a kindness as those parents would not know how to look after this poor thing.”
“I am the only one who understands truly what these children need”
I think I finally get it. Lucy’s Letby’s magical thinking makes her think she’s helping, not hurting those babies.
Lately, I’ve been struggling with seeing and understanding the magical thinking of the narcissist. When I see it in black and white like this, it helps clear it up for me.
Thank you, Mr. Tudor.
@Leigh
Yes,I’ve confronted LMRSOMATIC, LMRVICTIM and MLSOMATIC before when they would do, or have done things and they deny it and I can clearly remember them doing it. It frustrates me and I get mad at them. They seem or seemed to enjoy making me mad and watching my facial expressions. I know now, through HG’s work, that, that is the case. They enjoy/enjoyed pissing me off and watching me struggle with my anger. I really hated it when LMRSOMATIC would smirk at me. It made me want to punch him in the face, thankfully I controlled my impulse to hit him. I used to think, that impulse made me a bad person, or a narc. HG has taught me, anger doesn’t mean I’m a narc, nor a bad person. It’s a response to abuse and it’s a warranted response and the healthy thing to do is move away from the toxic person making me angry. I do that now at work, when a coworker starts saying nonsense to ignite a response from me, I just don’t respond and walk away. I’m finding more peace at work and I’ve gotten better at spotting the toxic people at work. I’m happy to say, I’ve kept MLSOMATIC’s family out of my life for about 8 months now. I even lowered my interaction with MLSOMATIC 2, my stepdaughter and I get the little one without saying a word to MLSOMATIC 2. I’ve cut them all off. I feel a victory in that. I still have MLSOMATIC to deal with, but that’s coming. 💯 I feel stronger and in control of my life and myself more, that alone is another victory. Don’t care what people might think about it. I feel a victory there. I still have more work to do. I’m not perfect and never will be. I’m me, oops and all. Xx ❤️ ❤️
Hi Rebecca,
I hate the smirk too. I would often say, “Do you think this is funny, because I don’t.” I’ve learned to ignore the smirk now.
He would enjoy making me angry as well. Then he would also enjoy watching me try to fix what I thought I caused. No more. What I’m finding now is that my empathy for him is so eroded that I honestly don’t care what he says or does anymore.
You’re taking steps toward your freedom. Enjoy the victories no matter how small they may seem to others. You’re taking back control of your life and one day you’ll be free.
We’re gonna obtain freedom! I know it!
The sense that I get from Lucy Letby’s eyes is a very deep sadness that is more like depression. I think she looks very emotionally repressed in the photo. She looks browbeaten, defeated, wretched.
This impression is not – in any way whatsoever – meant to show sympathy towards her. I think what she did was absolutely abhorrent. I’m saying this only in an attempt to understand her actions. I want to stress this.
I think that her being an only child and emotionally smothered by her parents distorted her sense of self and her true emotional inner-life.
Her mother made two comments I know of that I think are interesting.
One was at the time of one of Letby’s arrests. Her mother said something to the effect of, “I did it. Take me instead.” The second was in the courtroom when Letby was found guilty. At that time, her mother collapsed in tears and said something to the effect of, “You can’t be serious. This cannot be right.”
In both instances, her mother came across and looked to the outside world as a deeply loving and protective mother who wanted to shield her daughter. It looked like her mother was emotionally devastated and cared so much that she would have done anything to help her child.
It can also be interpreted that – instead of being a supportive, stable influence in her daughter’s life at a critical moment – her mother was placing herself in the spotlight and taking the attention off her daughter.
Her mother became the ‘victim’ and the centre of attention even though her daughter was the so-called ‘victim’.
I want to stress that I’m using the word ‘victim’ here only to illustrate my point. I do not – for one second – think of Letby as a ‘victim’ in this case.
You could make a reasonable case that Letby’s mother needs everything to be about _her,_ even the bad things.
Hi WiserNow,
Reading the above conversation where HG says her narcissism deletes what she did, it’s no wonder you (and I) see the defeated sadness in Lucy’s eyes. In her head, she only ever helped the babies and now not only is her life stolen from her, she’s framed as a sadistic predator.
It’s possible that her mother is a narc fuel-fishing (look at me willing to go to jail for my daughter), but it’s also possible she’s not a narc and is deeply in denial about her “baby’s” true nature (unless HG has said she’s a narc and I have the memory of a goldfish).
On a scary note, it makes me wonder how any of us can trust our memories, if she can have memories of torturing and murdering babies deleted.
In her world she did not torture or murder them, she was helping them. Any suggestion of torture or murder simply does not compute.
She probably believed in all her delusion that she was sparing them from a life of pain. That she was an “angel maker”
If she doesn’t recall hurting and killing them, that scares me more than if she knows what she did, but sees it as mercy. Yet if she saw the killing as mercy or angel-making, making them suffer doesn’t make sense.
Maybe I’m trying to make sense of what isn’t sensible.
@Candied Pansy,
I feel the same as you, I feel confused as to how LL can kill them, not remember doing it and then still feeling she’s been wrongly accused. It baffles me how her narcissism does that for her. It must be what HG means when he says, they live in their own little world, where they’re innocent of all crimes and wrongdoings. It’s difficult for me to understand the extent of their delusion. I wondered about my own memories of my mother and brother. I asked my cousin, who is 15 years older than me and had a lot of interaction with my mother during my mother’s younger years, before I was born. She told me of my mother’s behaviors towards her brother, her and her mother. She acted the same to her, as my memories of her behavior, so it wasn’t just me. It gave me a sense of relief, that it wasn’t just in my head, or my imagination. My cousin also confirmed for me, my brother’s behaviors towards me and how he very much enjoyed tormenting me, until I snapped on him and then she recalls him laughing at my anger. Her memories of that made me feel relief too. It feels good getting the confirmation that my memories are based in the truth. It gave me a sense of, Thank God I’m not delusional and once again, proof HG is correct about me and everyone I put through the Narc Detectors and myself through the Empath Detector. HG really does know human behavior well and I don’t have as much self doubt now. I can’t completely not doubt myself from time to time, I think that’s just my empath make up, part of who I am. But, I have developed a more solid sense of who I am. Thanks HG for the solid advice of going to the evidence and looking at the facts, leaving fear and emotions out of it. Xx
Does narcissism give her the best of both worlds, satisfying sadism / prime aims / psychopathic tendencies by torture+murder, and then deleting the memory so she feels like a decent person that hasn’t hurt anyone?
Yes.
HG and Dani,
Wow, so thats how narcissism works, like LL just put the invisible cloak on her crimes and poof, they’re gone! Doesn’t exist, never happened and an innocent narcs stands before you, at least in their mindset. Unbelievable.
HG,
How does a psychopath rape and strangle a woman, and then later go home and cuddle with his wife?? He just doesnt care and has no conscience or empathy for his wife or the woman he killed….I get it, but its so foreign to me, for him not to feel some guilt, remorse, pain for what he did….I see murders in movies , make believe story, and it still makes me mad and upset, and its not even real….I’m sorry, I just have a hard time with grasping the extend of the emptiness there. I understand it on a logical level, but on an emotional level, its hard to chew. Xx
I’m sorry Dani, I meant to address my comment to HG and Candied Pansy…..sorry aboit that. Xx