Knowing the Narcissist: Prey
We are adept at sniffing out our prey. We are able to identify those that will be of little use to us and ignoring them. We discern those who are obstructive and avoid them. We have an instinctive ability to target those who serve our purposes with the greatest effectiveness. Those who will provide us with copious amounts of fuel, those who will provide the traits that we need to steal for our own construct in order to draw others to us as to keep the creature at bay.
Those who will give us the additional benefits which we regard as our entitlement, access to your resources for our sole use. The Lesser latches on to those who serve his kind once they come too close to him. Like a predator noticing the scent of a potential victim, he is alerted to your presence and makes his move, swift and immediate. A creature of instinct, he knows when there is a victim who will suit his purposes nearby and will go after that person.
They may not be the best suited to his purposes but that does not matter, for now. He senses prey and will bring down this victim and attach himself to them, leeching the fuel from them until it is near empty and he will then discard and move to the next victim he has sniffed out and who is nearby. The Lesser will lurk in the most proven hunting grounds. He does not want to venture too far away. He does not want to expend too much energy stalking that prey and wearing it down.
He looks for victims who are easily in reach, who he can bring down without much effort and then sink his fangs into with ease. It might be that a more suitable, a more fuelling victim, is a little distance away, but the Lesser goes for what is in front of him. He will not spend time seeking out a better victim but slays what is nearest and then moves on to the next nearest and so forth. Thus the Lesser hunts in an aggressive and volatile manner, he must seduce his victims quickly for fear of the beast within making itself known too soon and frightening his prey away.
He has to camouflage his own creature and is not able to do it for too long. The Lesser will want low-hanging fruit. He is not interested in those that might pose a challenge and thus provide more rewarding fuel. He will take fuel from his primary source victims anyway he can. You may liken it to someone mine sweeping for drinks at a party. Rather than waiting to find the bottle of Grey Goose vodka hidden by the host at the back of a cupboard, the Lesser will drink the dregs of a can of beer, then swig what remains from the nearest bottle of wine and thus move from receptacle to receptacle, feasting and draining.
The Mid-Range is more discerning. He knows what he is attracted to and he will spend longer searching for it. He has reasonable intelligence, guile and ability and thus he will put this to use in order to find the more appropriate victim for him. He can pass over somebody who might be suitable but is not entirely satisfactory.
Whereas the Lesser would have snatched hold of that victim, sniffing out that person’s reasonable suitability, a number of the traits he requires being met, but not all, the Mid-Range is content to stalk a little longer. The Mid-Range makes considerable use of watching from afar as he evaluates the applicability of his prospective prey. He observes, regards and reflects. He does not have the out and out confidence to go for the kill straight away like the Greater, nor is he pushed by the sense of urgency and hunger which afflicts the Lesser.
He has some control and he will use this to ensure his appliances, especially those which become the primary source are the better ones. He of course is not of limitless energy and there comes a time when necessity becomes the driver for interaction and he must make his choice, but it is not without consideration and application to those traits, both generic to the empathic individual and specific to the type of victim which best accords with his own needs.
The Mid-Range recognises that there is a type of person he is drawn to, although he does not know why this is. He is able to discern those traits and characteristics which serve him best and as a consequence it is those that he will apply some time to achieving. He recognises that certain traits in people afford him greater satisfaction and therefore he will look for those without knowing the true reason he does so. The Mid-Range will apply some methodology to the hunt for his prey but there is always the pressure of need which means that it may not be as ideal as he might like.
Continuing the mine sweeping analogy, the Mid-Range would not bother to sup the dregs from bottles and glasses at the part but spend time thinking about where the “good stuff” might be stashed. He will locate four cans of beer in the fridge. There might be greater rewards elsewhere but he is satisfied with this reasonable degree of quality that he has identified and does not want to risk letting his prize disappear as he gambles on trying to find something superior and failing.
The Greater revels in the hunt. The identification of the choicest victim is crucial to him. Yes, there may be times when necessity brings about the imposition of a less desirable (yet still functional) victim but when the conditions are apt (there is no fuel crisis and we are preparing for discard and are therefore in control of our environment) the Greater will spend time identifying those who exhibit many of the generic and specific traits that will serve him best.
Indeed, the Greater will have several prospects in hand as he mines information about these prospects, assesses and evaluates it. Once satisfied that the signs and indications are good, he will make his move and engage to ascertain that his initial intelligence remains good. If it is (and it is usually is) he will then move in for the kill. Unlike the Lesser who will go for the jugular and bring his victim down swiftly and promptly, the Greater will utilise the intelligence that he has gathered in order to mesmerise, charm and hypnotise his victim. With dedicated application, the Greater will readily disarm his victim, disable any self-defence which may exist and have the victim exactly where he wants him or her.
Like a viper, he will strike suddenly and with lightning speed he will be attached to the victim, fangs sunk deep and then the draining will begin as the fuel pumps from the unwitting victim to be sucked up by the Greater. The Greater knows what he wants and he will stalk different hunting grounds in order to achieve what he wants. He has the ability and the energy to sustain a longer hunt, or a shorter hunt where the victim may prove to be more challenging. Of course if a victim supplies the necessary traits and can be ensnared with ease, the Greater will also take this low-hanging fruit. He is no fool.
However, he is undeterred by the higher-hanging fruit, that which is more succulent and nourishing in terms of fuel. He knows where to find the best victims, that is why he operates in several hunting grounds and he also is the most able of the three schools of narcissist to identify the traits in his victims. Whilst the Lesser sense by instinct, the Mid-Range knows what works for him but does not know why, the Greater knows precisely what it is what he wants. He also knows how these various traits manifest in his victims. He understands what to look for, what to see, what to listen out for and once he has seen the indicators he is able to satisfy himself that the appropriate traits exist within this target. He will then lock on and only in the most extreme of cases will he be prevented from conquering this target. The reward is too tantalising, his skill set too great and the lure of such a delicious victim proves too great for him to resist, challenging or not.
Once those fangs have sunk into the victim and the fuel is drawn, whether it is a Lesser, Mid-Range or Greater, we will remain until it comes time to identify the next prey.
16 thoughts on “Knowing the Narcissist: Prey”
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I wonder why greaters hoard money and not use it?
Sharks…
On Sunday I dreamed of a wolf. Dark gray. He held me down many times with his paws, claws slightly extended, and gently nibbled and pinched me with his incisors. It didn’t hurt. At one point, it quickly opened its mouth, clamped its jaw firmly on my thigh and dragged me into a dark cave. I woke up.
I know exactly, why I dreamed about wolf. On Saturday, I spent about half an hour on communicator with N2, mainly he wrote; he was in what I call a “liquid” or “fuzzy” state + he settled all outstanding alimony settlements to zero + he made a future promise to give daughter a gift in the form of covering the costs of a driving license course.
I ended the conversation by saying, that I had to go prepare breakfast, because I was hungry, and I went about my business and I forgot about him.
Unfortunately, on Sunday I recalled one of N2 texts (pleasantly tickling my vanity and ego – bad Joa!), due to its similarity to the text written to me by my boss two weeks ago:
– Boss: “I have never met a person like you before!!! You are truly unique.”
– N2: “I really thank you for being here. I’m sorry for the past, we could have been together to BE. I want you to know, that I haven’t met anyone like you in my life. I would love for the world to be full of copies of You.”
Pfff, frankincense and myrrh – all of them the same – I thought. Trala la la, you won’t catch me doing this again.
And then I started thinking about the second text of N2, the third text, etc. From this came the analysis in full swing. Grrrrrr. A mixture of flattery, gentle intimidation, conceit and commanding – caused my momentary “narcissistic hunger”…
From the entire stream of words of N2, only the words were significant:
– “Where I am right now, I need your peace of mind.”
– “You were in a deep loop then, weren’t you? I almost caught you then, but you broke the thread (wink emoji). It’s nice to be able to look at it now, after all these years. Do you understand now? You finally noticed, right?”
– “Let go of your mind. Follow the threads. You can’t get lost.”
– “What would you say, if I wrote to you: Honey, being just a file, you tempt me to click DELETED.” (Definitely, fuel of thoughts and plans for a other woman – he forgot, that he once wrote that to me too :P).
– “Believe it or not, other dimensions/other cross-sections exist. I’m trying to piece together one of them.”
– “I’m still traversing worlds and I’m not bored yet.”
– “The realm of the mind. What if you were in control of your own reality?”
– “Thank you for being here. I really appreciate your patience. Thank you to the world, that I have you! Just don’t go crazy 🙂 What I’m trying to tell you is that I don’t have that bond with anyone else. It was me, who wrote it, not the machine that I am.” (Prrrrrr, take out the reins).
– “No matter where I look back, I see only harm. Even where I didn’t want it.”
– “It’s all about time. Time is the most important thing. Remember, it’s the only thing that limits you/us.”
– “You know, that if you hadn’t heard from me today, your day would have been completely different?” (Pffff!)
– “Don’t worry. I’ll paste myself in. I’ll wait patiently.”
This last promise/threat/clairvoyance/creation of the future – were the main reason for the dream about the wolf.
Paste yourself into another cross section.
As I read through the different ways that narcs choose their victims, I was evaluating how my ex-husband ensnared me. I don’t think he is a Greater, but the description of the Greater’s hunt seems to mirror what he did.
He found me at church. He asked me out every Sunday after church, but I actually always had another date. That lasted for 6 months. I know that sounds unbelievable, but I lived in a town with an enormous military base and basically had my choice due to the low ratio of available women.
He was patient and never stopped asking until I had an opening. After that first date, it only took 3 months before he proposed marriage.
It was very swift once he had me. I should do the narc detector on him at some point just to see where he is on the range.
Thank you for this entry.
Mr. Tudor–
1. How early does this targeting begin, as soon as the narcissism is fully formed?
Regarding you:
2. When you look back at your adolescence, 13-19, were most of your closest friends empaths?
3. Are your closest friends now, those you opt to spend more time with and contact to do so without major prompting on their part, more empathic?
4. Do those who are your “closest friends” vary based on what you need them to do? i.e. You need someone to go slash the tires of your former IPPS. vs. You want to introduce your current IPPS to your friends.
Regarding the lesser:
5. When the option to be more selective is present…say there are five empaths on an internet-free deserted island with a lesser, will the lesser be more likely to select the “best” victim of the bunch?
6. Are there certain empaths that the lesser would instinctively stay away from because, even if no other choice empathic victims are present, the empath they are talking to would prove too difficult to control?
Regarding the midrange:
“…He will locate four cans of beer in the fridge. There might be greater rewards elsewhere but he is satisfied with this reasonable degree of quality…as he gambles on trying to find something superior and failing.”
7. If something superior is located, is that part of what may trigger infidelity among the midrange?
8. Following the analogy–if a midranger prefers white wine to all other alcohol…but the white wine ran away…and there’s only red wine, Whiskey, and Vodka available immediately…would they be more likely to go for the red wine? Or would there be circumstances where they seek the higher alcohol content (if only temporarily or even long term)?
Regarding the Greater:
9. Utilizing the fruit analogy…are there circumstances which cause the greater to divert from fruit in the higher branches…say another piece has a particularly succulent smell and the piece higher up can’t be reached as quickly as the greater wants/needs?
10. Is the greater more likely to use the one with the succulent smell as an IPSS until the more desired one can become the IPPS…or is the easier one (but not the most perfect) likely to become IPPS?
11. How quickly would disengagement be likely to occur if that perfect piece comes into reach when the other is enjoying a golden period?
Regarding you:
12. Have you ever had a fuel crisis that necessitated swift acquisition of a less likely to last empath?
13. If yes to 9, would you detail the circumstances and results in a video/article, please?
Thank you so much for your time. Greatly appreciated as always.
1. Yes.
2. No.
3. Yes
4. There are a variety of factors which govern which NISS groups I interact with.
5. See Sitting Target.
6. See Sitting Target.
7. Yes.
8. See Why the Narcissist Downgrades
9. Yes.
10. Either.
11. As soon as the better option can be embedded.
12. No.
13. Possibly.
Hi Dani,
I’ve wondered about question 9 also.
For lesser and midrange, on a regular day I would estimate the preference for the prime aims to run in the following order.
1. Control
2. Fuel
3. Character traits
4. Residual benefits
My thinking there is largely down to the fuel percentage represented by the IPPS in the matrix of those two schools (roughly 60-80%) varying with sub school.
The Greater narcissist has less reliance on the IPPS in terms of fuel. 50% roughly, closer to 40% for the Ultra. So for these two schools I think order of preference for the Prime Aims supplied by the IPPS might be.
1. Control
2. Residual Benefits
3. Fuel
4. Character traits
One of the reasons few empaths become ensnared by Greaters is that Greaters are rare. However, another reason might be the failure by most empaths to provide residual benefits at the level the Greater demands. Essentially, if you aren’t well connected, you don’t earn a six figure salary then you’re flying nicely below the radar. You could argue that the Greater is actually less interested in income and connections as he has those for himself already. I don’t buy that. Much always wants more and there are no empathic traits to offset that. Greed and entitlement for the Greater will be unfettered.
If the Greater hit hard times, preference might change, possibly then there would be the necessity of a ‘downgrade’. That poses facade management issues though. If a Greater is moving in those circles and happened to hit hard times, facade management becomes more important, not less.
It is interesting to think about how the Greater might prioritise the Prime Aims. With the additional flexibility they have in their fuel matrix they have far more options available to them I think.
Interesting TS.
I would imagine as a primary source most greasers would seek someone with status. But for IP secondary sources that matters less. It’s all about the fuel and residual benefits which from an IPSS can be achieved without the need for that person to have connections etc. I would imagine those whom provide the additional would be promoted to candidate. Otherwise kept as an IPSS. All fuel makes them feel powerful and they depend on it as their life source just as mids and lessers do.
I’ve definitely been ensnared by a greater before and in terms of career etc I would consider myself to be pretty average.
Hi TS,
I would think that if a greater hit hard times, there might be a switch from control being the most important to needing residual benefits (money) more. Money would likely be necessary to maintain the facade…and they think the victim’s money is theirs anyway…It may also depend on the greater in question…if they are lower, middle, or upper…
Hi Alexis,
Yes, I’d love to see a Greater’s fuel matrix written out with side notes as to what function each appliance in the fuel matrix serves in terms of Prime Aims. Having high fuel providers as secondary sources that are seen daily might take a little heat off the IPPS in terms of fuel provision, particularly if aforementioned IPPS was a gazillionairess!
Dani,
Yes, agree the school of Greater would have implications too I think. If I think about Taylor Swift and that massive influx of tertiary source fuel she gets from her concerts and performances, online fans even. It’s low quality tertiary source fuel but in terms of amount, it’s huge and fairly consistent too. If you looked at her fuel matrix compared to a Lower Greater CEO, the two would be likely have similar structure just perhaps with different emphasis in terms of Prime Aim provision.
I suppose also in terms of hard times, it might depend on how many narcs and normals are within the fuel matrix. Narcs are more likely to be ‘fair weather coat tail riders’ for example.
That’s another thing I never really grasped. How is fuel from an unaware narcissist of any use to an aware narcissist? The aware narc knows what he is, knows what he needs and knows also that the second unaware narc doesn’t actually mean most of what he or she says. The second narc could use the admiring words but there is no genuine admiration behind them. So in terms of fuel quality surely it can’t be as potent?
Then if you think of the Clintons, that would mean that Bill had / has a permanent narc IPPS who delivered low potency fuel. Hillary was proximate, so there was quantity, she was IPPS so on the face of it, her fuel should be potent, but she’s also a narc. So does an IPPS reeling off compliments or insults that they don’t actually mean, that are without ‘substance’ cut the mustard for a Greater in terms of fuel? It must do, so long as other aspects of the Prime Aims are being met through them staying together. Power, influence, wealth, all three are residual benefits that the two gained through staying together.
Bill sure made use of his fuel matrix!
Xx
I have on occasion tried to imagine the scope of Hillary’s fury at Bill’s fuck up/betrayal (not that she cared about the alleged “sex”, but the public airing of it). I picture her as having perceived herself the mastermind in orchestrating an infallible “long game” from which they would both benefit. Her vision of blending their skills and strengths to get Bill into the White House and then getting her turn with his support (and surely that of the public after his successful and blemish free term or two) as reward. Then to have suffered the humiliation in having her perceived superior and infallible plan blown (pardon the pun) apart by the triangulation of dick, cigar, and a mere intern. Oh to imagine the fuel flowing …..
Hahaha!
I can only imagine how that went down.
Hi TS,
I also wondered if Bill knew Hilary was a narcissist could the fuel really be that potent? Could it be that he doesn’t know that Hillary is a narc? Or maybe the other prime aims served a higher purpose?
NarcAngel–
I think you have Hilary nailed…
TS–
“How is fuel from an unaware narcissist of any use to an aware narcissist?” — It’s a reaction to something they’ve done. All reactions are fuel, except walking away or ignoring the narcissist by implementing no contact. And an unaware narcissist if they’re super excited about directly asserting control over a higher echelon narcissist…would likely provide a lot of fuel…particularly if a greater or the Ultra kept pushing their buttons…
“The aware narc knows what he is, knows what he needs and knows also that the second unaware narc doesn’t actually mean most of what he or she says.” — The unaware narcissist thinks they mean what they’re saying, and I’m going to go out on a limb here and say, if they’re providing negative fuel (most potent kind of fuel), then they probably do mean it. Then…the unaware narcissist is just a little teapot that a greater or the Ultra has put on higher heat.
Why would a narcissist not mean the insults?
I don’t think it’s low potency fuel (in terms of Bill and Hilary). She’s the IPPS. It’s just that the fuel he would get from an empath would be better. And as a greater, he doesn’t rely on the IPPS as substantially for fuel as midrangers and lessers do.
I always wonder why the threshold is the fact the known cheat is proved publically? Many women know their husbands cheat but only when they get someone pregnant is a problem like Jerry Hall and Mick or Arnold and Maria. Their husbands are well known cheaters and they must know… but only when the child is found publically do they leave. Bill Clintons scandal caused the problem not the affairs. Hillary was rumored as a lesbian by many Republicans then. Those whispers didn’t bother her. It’s the public proof that cracks the facade. Weird.
Hi Dani,
I think the question as to whether a Greater would find fuel from another narc potent depends a lot on the awareness of the Greater. As Leigh said, does Bill recognise Hillary as a narcissist ? If so does he also recognise that she is motivated only by the Prime Aims? Bill wouldn’t say Prime Aims obviously but could likely describe his own motivations in similar terms. I don’t know how aware of their own functioning and the functioning of other narcissists most Greaters are.
In terms of MidRange, I agree they believe what they say to be the truth, it’s their truth that is grounded within the narcissistic perspective. However, it’s my understanding that this ‘truth’ is driven by the Prime Aims. What a narcissist says therefore has no true meaning whether positive or negative. All of it is benign or malign manipulation as dictated by The Prime Aims. In this sense Hillary might have experienced ignited fury due to the threat to control Bill’s infidelity posed. She might have jumped up and down, shouted a lot and thrown the dog at him, but she didn’t actually care about the infidelity itself, she cared that the infidelity threatened her sense of control. The public nature of the infidelity also threatened control so she’s doubly furious as they have a facade to maintain.
We assume as her fury ignited, she attempted to gain control over Bill directly thus providing fuel through her actions, tone, words, body language etc. Agree, this is fuel, but how is this interpreted by Bill and how does this interpretation satisfy Bill in fuel terms? Is it simply that the words, actions, insults, body language etc are enough? Or, is it the genuine emotion behind the words that actually dictates fuel potency? She definitely seems angry, she doesn’t throw the dog unless she’s furious, but she’s only angry because her control has been threatened. She isn’t hurt by the infidelity, she isn’t upset by it, she isn’t worried that he loves Monica, she herself is incapable of loving Bill. No broken heart there, no genuine emotions, just angry words and angry actions.
That’s what I mean in terms of questioning the potency of fuel supplied by a narcissist appliance. All the lyrics are there, Hillary learned the dance steps, but the music doesn’t match.
Maybe that doesn’t concern the Greater so long as residual benefits are substantial enough. If it doesn’t concern them, then I see that as pretty underwhelming in terms of what I perceived the Greater’s awareness to mean, but that would be my personal view. They might just as well have a robot living with them spewing out admiring words all day then every second week programme the robot to hurl their dinner at them.
Haha! That second setting is feisty, there’s money to be made there!
Xx
I wrote this a few days ago, but it didn’t go through, so I’m trying again:
TS, very interesting distinctions 🙂
I would set it differently – not necessarily correctly – HG would have to verify it.
In my opinion:
Lesser:
1. Residual benefits
2.Fuel
3. Control
4. Character traits
Midrange:
1. Fuel
2. Control
3. Residual benefits
4. Character traits
The Greater (although with a high probability – I idealize – so here I am the least certain):
1. Control
2. Character traits
3.Fuel
4. Residual benefits
I tried to compare and group all the N., I know personally, but despite the general similarity, each of them is completely different, so I had to average it, although it does not fit everyone. I may also be wrong about the classification of the N. Even with N2 I sometimes hesitate 🙂
I wonder how others see it?