All posts by HG Tudor

I am letting you see my worldview for your own protection.

Five Intangible Thefts

 

We are takers and not givers. We drain, bleed, leech and suck dry. Whether it is occupying your home, using your car, borrowing money which we do not repay or something as simple as drinking your last can of soda, our kind are recidivists in the art of stealing. We are entitled to anything and everything, nothing is exclusively yours. We suck what you own and possess down into the plughole of our emptiness in an attempt to fill our vast black hole.This not only applies to material items and those things which are tangible. Upsetting and frustrating as it is when we help ourselves to your money and your possessions there are five things which we always take which are far more precious. These are high priorities for us to take from you. These are  five intangibles that we always steal and this is why we do it.

 

1. Self-esteem

At the beginning of our interaction you are self-assured without being cocky or boastful. You know what you like, you are proud of your accomplishments and achievements without feeling any need to crow about them. I am jealous of your self-esteem and I want it for myself. I wish I could have that sense of independence and knowing your place and role in the world and being content with it. I have to gain my self-esteem from the views and comments of others and I long to have it already in place just as you have. My bilious jealousy means that I want to shatter your self-esteem through my repeated put-downs, my reminders of your failings and the trumped-up elevation of my brilliance over you. I want to snatch it away from you, use some of it for myself and with the remainder I want to rip it apart leaving you unsure, uncertain and clinging to me. I want to reverse the roles so that you look at me and wish you had what I have.

2. Self-confidence

You may not me a demagogue. You may not stand before a sea of faces and hold them in your rapt attention but you knew that you did certain things well. You had confidence in your abilities, your likeable characteristics and you also knew where you had failings and weaknesses. You addressed those vulnerabilities and you never made them someone else’s problem. Once again my envy is such that I want this self-confidence. I know how to portray it with my boasting and bragging, always turning heads as I make a grand entrance, easily able to play to the crowd at a function as I am driven on by my knowing I am superior, I am entitled to this crowd’s attention and everyone should be praising me because I am worth praising. I suck the self-confidence from you, absorbing into me, powering my being with what you once had. My conjuring and manipulation is designed to drain you of your self-confidence to ensure that you rely on me all the more, turning to me for approval, seeking my permissions and always requiring my say so. You have to ask me first if you can see your friends, your conversations are never private as I am always listening in, you run every decision past me now for you are so fearful of making a mistake and incurring my wrath, be it a silent baleful glare or the blazing, spittle-flecked oral assault.You even ask if you may use the bathroom, such is the erosion of your self-confidence to make a decision for yourself.

3. Critical Thinking

You once were a pretty good judge of character, able to rationalise and evaluate but you did not reckon with the force that is my love-bombing. You should not be ashamed for few recognise it for what it really is and all too soon they become entangled in the seemingly wonderful golden period, unaware they have now been ensnared. We need to attack your critical thinking capability and damage it to the point of no function. If you are able to evaluate what we are doing, there is the possibility of you working us out and stopping the provision of the fuel that we need. There is a chance that you will escape us. We must not allow that to happen and through our gas lighting of you in particular, our repeated and sustained lying and the incessant barrage which exhausts you, we whittle away your ability to reason and think. The throbbing headache which never really goes away, the tiredness around your eyes and the sense of utter fatigue plays havoc with your ability to think straight and see what is really happening. It is far easier just to accept what we say as the truth. It is easier to go along with what we want. You can no longer distinguish reality from illusion as we hammer away until your critical thinking capability has been smashed.Now we can keep you in our grip without fear of you working things out.

4. Credibility

Once upon a time you were always believed. Your word was regarded as the truth and people accepted this. You were not questioned but rather when you explained something or recounted an incident you were believed. Not any more. We take your credibility and batter it into nothingness through the repeated application of character assassinations and smear campaigns. We put you down, we scold and chastise, we tell you how wrong you are, how worthless you are and that you are nothing without us until you start to doubt yourself. We do not stop there however. Your credibility is shattered with every one else. We need to smear your name to your friends, family, colleagues and neighbours so everyone realises that you are a habitual liar. You tell such terrible lies about me and them that nobody can believe you any longer. Add to this your exhaustion and generally histrionic presentation as a consequence of our other manipulations, when compared with our calm appearance then your credibility vanishes. We take it further so that you are not believed in situations dealing with your employer, the school, the authorities and so forth so that you find yourself in some Kafka-esque nightmare where you always feel like the accused and you are never believed. No we have free reign to spin our propaganda and maintain our superiority.

5. Trust

We finally take your ability to trust and we destroy it. You may think it odd that we might destroy your ability to trust us but that does not matter. If you no longer trust us we will still do as we please, we will still make out that it is your fault that we do what we do and because we have eroded your self-esteem, shattered your self-confidence, maligned your critical thinking and removed your credibility we will always triumph. It does not matter to us that we have removed any trust you once had for us because this removal is not going to stop us doing what we want to do. The trust that really matters, the trust that we have taken from you comes later. In the event that you escape us, whether it is through your own doing or staying free from us once we have discarded you, it is what comes next where the eradication of your ability to trust matters. We leave you always doubting those that you meet. We have you unable to trust someone who has taken an interest in you. Is this person like us? Are they showing signs similar to how we behaved? How can you tell whether they are genuine or not? You are no longer able to trust your own judgement and you are no longer able to trust those who might just happen to be genuine and make you happy. It is this final intangible theft that we commit which leaves the harshest and enduring legacy.

 

 

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A Question of Responsibility

 

It is well-known that our kind does not do responsibility. We are not to be held to account. We are never culpable. Nothing is ever our fault. We are free to act as we please, doing what we want without concern for repercussion or consequence. Responsibility does not figure in our considerations. There is a considerable deficit on our side of the equation when it comes to shouldering responsibility. Nature abhors a vacuum however and therefore since we create such an absence of responsibility, this raises the question who is going to step in and accept responsibility? Who is going to take on more than their fair share of accountability? Who is going to plug the culpability gap? The answer, of course, is you and this is a significant reason why you remain chained to us and naturally, we know this to be the case. This is one of the reasons why we choose people like you.

As an empathic individual you have many traits which appeal to us. One of these traits is having a strong moral compass so that you “do the right thing” and you accept responsibility for your actions. That is attractive to us in itself. However, you go further than this. You are blessed or cursed, dependent on how you regard it, with the fact that you are over-responsible. Not only will you rightly accept blame when it is genuinely your fault but you will accept responsibility for us as well. This is extremely appealing. How does this over-responsibility come about?

On the one hand it is something which is intrinsic to you as a consequence of being an empathic person. You feel a deep responsibility for others and you do so because you wish to help. You do not believe that it is right to shirk responsibility or walk away when someone is in need. You widen your scope of responsibility by adopting the stance that as a decent human being you have a responsibility to aid others, assist them and help them. Added to that is the fact that we cause you to be responsible for us. We deny responsibility so you immediately feel a need to plug that gap – I return below to why you feel that need. Moreover, we make it your responsibility through our repeated projection and blame-shifting.

“It is always your fault.”

“You made me get angry, it is your fault.”

“Now look what you have made me do.”

“You should have known that was going to annoy me.”

This frequent projection and blame-shifting conditions you to accept responsibility for what we have done or not done. The more aware of our kind know that by reinforcing this double edged message – we are not responsible/ it is your fault – you will accept this to be the case. You are prone to repeated self-analysis and in order to find solutions, keep the peace and avoid those eggshells you will accept responsibility for us. An objective observer would find a certain action to be clearly our fault but you will take on the mantle of responsibility on our behalf.

“It’s my fault, I should have known.”

“He is tired, that is why he shouts at me, I should have let him rest.”

“I should have remembered that he doesn’t like fish.”

“It’s okay, I am used to it, I don’t mind because he can be wonderful to me you know.”

“It is just the way he is, I pick up the pieces, that is what I am here for.”

The repeated reinforcement that you are to blame coupled with your natural propensity for wanting to accept responsibility means that we know we can easily have you burdened with accountability and you will invariably accept it. This then paves the way for us to inflict other manipulations against you based on your acceptance of fault and guilt. You accept you are at fault so then we are entirely justified in shouting at you, cold-shouldering you, stopping you going out or having an affair. Having you as the one to blame suits our purposes to maintain our perceived superiority and provides us with justification for punishing you so that we receive further negative fuel.

This over-responsibility will extend into making excuses on our behalf when we have stormed out of a family occasion. It is our secretary ringing a client and apologising for us when we have been rude to somebody. It is a sibling who tries to play down our outrageous behaviour and finding something to explain it without pinning the blame where it ought to be pinned; on us. You accept that you are to blame and you become our spokesperson when dealing with other people as you are left to defend the indefensible. Not that you will get any thanks for any of this of course.

Why then do you feel such a need to be over-responsible for us? Where does this trait stem from? I have seen it within my own family with my sister. From an early age you have been subjected to such blaming behaviour when it was never actually your fault. This causes you to believe that there must be something wrong with you and that you are not good enough. In order to deal with this sense of inadequacy that was instilled in you most likely in your childhood you seek to over-compensate and decide that you will become good enough by being the receptacle for all blame, irrespective of real culpability. You have been convinced that you deserve this abuse, this blame and it is your duty to shoulder responsibility for what we do and what we do not do, in order to become worthwhile. It is easier to accept blame than fight against it because this is fulfilling the role that has been created for you. Always being to blame has caused you think that you deserve it and in order to do something about that state of affairs, you address it by accepting even more blame in order to reach an accord with what you regard your role to be.

We know that you need to feel responsible. It is a central plank of the empath’s constitution and we will exploit this by always blaming you, passing responsibility onto you and walking away from accountability. We will not laud you for such a selfless act of accepting responsibility but rather seize the opportunity to use it to justify our further foul treatment of you. You are at fault. You therefore deserve to be punished. You accept this and the repeated application of this only serves to reinforce and extend your sense of being responsible for us.

It is akin to being given six of the best with a cane at school for something you did not do and then asking,

“Please sir, can I have some more?”

Practice Makes Perfect

I have made mention of how the advancements in technology have provided my kind and I with a smorgasbord of methods to carry out our works. From seduction to manipulation the freedom that comes with wifi and a functioning device provides is with a wealth of opportunity. My web can be spread wide over the….well the web. How apt it is that the pioneers of the internet decided on the appellation of world wide web. The electronic blanket which encapsulates this planet is indeed a web. A perilous place which readily ensnares the unwary. From chatrooms, to text messaging, through Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, e-mail and dating sites, the internet has proven to be bountiful in its riches for my kind. Of course, this vast array of different hunting grounds can only be of benefit to the seasoned hunter. You can fill a river with salmon but if you do not know how to fish then you will not catch anything. Of course, I know how to fish, to shoot, to spear and to hunt. My mastering of the tools of manipulation enables me to sniff out my prey in moments and like a lion tracking a bison, drag them to the ground and eat them from behind before they even realise what has happened to them. Have you ever seen the expression on a felled bison or buffalo as a predatory lion gorges on their flesh? It is not pain, it is not frustrated struggle but an almost blissful ignorance to what is actually happening. They seem unaware that they are being devoured. It is so similar for my victims. They smile and purr even as I am taking chunks from them because that is the high level of my skill.

Thus the internet has become my hunting ground and my various manipulative machinations are given a good run out amidst the waiting and willing victims. There is one thing however that always works in this electronic shop window and that is the art of conversation.

My early forays in chatrooms bore fruit so incredibly quickly. Even I was taken aback at how easy it was. So many times I read comments such as

“It is such a lovely change to meet someone who can hold a conversation.”

“You are so charming and interesting, you actually hold a conversation than saying hi babe wanna shag?”

“You are clearly intelligent and interested in me. I am not used to that. So many of the men on here just want a picture of my boobs or want to send me a dick pic, you are not like that.”

Naturally, I was not engaged in conversations with men so I do not know if there is a boorish equivalent amongst the female ranks. Certainly in all my conversations I never came across any lady whose opening gambit was to offer a picture of her genitals. I take the view therefore that it is the male of the species that is letting you down. They are certainly not letting me down. By populating chat rooms and dating sites and trotting out such Neanderthal lines these men are increasing my currency. The fact I can talk about a variety of subjects, ask pertinent and engaging questions and avoid suggesting a bunk up in the first ten mintues meant that I really was the desired exception. The idiots, the perverts and the inarticulate all made me look even better than I already did (yes I know that may be hard to believe!) and thus when I came sashaying into view I was greeted with utter delight by those I interacted with. Even if I had no interest in someone, I was hard pressed not to attract them, by virtue of being able to string sentences together and not engage in demands for instant sexual congress (of course that would come later when I was always pushing on an open door).

Time and time again I heard reports of the pathetic and ill-mannered behaviour of men in these arenas. I expressed dismay and castigated them for it but all the while I celebrated for so long as they continued in this vein it meant all the more eager and willing victims for me. Those weak and pathetic spiders would soon curl up and dye for there was only one giant walking through the net. Along came a spider but this one could hold a conversation.

Knowledge is Freedom

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Arm yourself with understanding and knowledge. Know your foe.

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The Seven Certainties of Narcissistic Friendship

 

 

  1. Our friends don’t really like you

 

The people that we choose to provide our inner and outer circle of friends have all been charmed by us and roped into our sphere of influence for the purpose of providing us with fuel, traits and residual benefits. They in return are granted repeated audiences with ourselves, they are able to gaze on the Sun King and benefit from their association with such a social titan. When you are admitted to my sphere of influence as an intimate partner these friends of mine only like you because they know that this is their role and they must do so in order to remain able to attend my court. Should I give the instruction they will turn their backs on you in an instant. Never believe that you can turn to them in a moment of need. You will head straight into a brick wall. Should you be admitted into my sphere of influence as another member of the inner or outer circle then these friends are your competitors. They are all seeking my favour, either to remain in the inner circle or to achieve promotion to it, such is the allure and attraction of being friends with me. These other friends will smile and welcome you, because that is what is expected of them but they are smiling assassins who will pounce and delight in plunging the dagger of isolation and ostracising into your back should I will that to happen. You are entering a viper’s nest.

 

  1. It is a one-way street

You will benefit from your association with me as a friend and you will enjoy my company, who would not when I am charming, magnetic and interesting but you are only allowed to occupy this positon so long as you are giving. You must provide me with the fuel to keep me topped-up through your praise and admiration. I expect you to be an errand boy for me, you will carry out my machinations on my behalf when I require you to manipulate someone by proxy, you will get me things, give me things and do things for me all because you want to stay in the elevated position of my friendship. It is also highly likely that I will possess some information about you or something you want which compels your compliance also. You are the giver and I am the taker. It is one way.

 

  1. Our friends do not know what we are

The blazing brightness of our brilliance is such that it obscures what we really are. Any complaints about our behaviour will be met with rejection and a confused response. They have always been treated well by us. We let them join us and we allow them to follow in our wake which has numerous benefits. They have no idea what we actually are for if they did they would no continue to be part of our retinue. They do not want to know any different however because they have been brainwashed into thinking that the status quo is to their advantage and therefore they see no reason to entertain anybody who seeks to usurp us.

 

  1. Your friends are all targets

I have no interest in making friends with your friends. They are beneath me but I will regard them as targets. There may well be your replacement amongst them and how satisfying would that be to corrupt one of your supporters to turn against you and sit at my right hand? I will charm and ensure that your friends think well of me as this will not only make my seduction of you as my primary source far easier, it will also provide me with fuel, traits and residual benefits as well. You friends are targets to be my new primary source, members of my coterie and even lieutenants so that I have a fifth columnist in your camp willing to act on my behalf when the inevitable devaluation begins.

 

  1. Our friendships are defined by the usefulness

 

As I have explained the concept of friendship for us all about what we can take from it and therefore so long as someone is providing us what we require, complying with our wishes and carrying out what we want then the friendship will endure. Should one of our friends see through us, turn against us or begin to fail in their assigned role it is of little consequence to us that we may have known them for ten years or more. It is of no concern that we go drinking with them every Friday, if they do not function as a constituent appliance then they will be switched off, excluded and replaced. We make friends easily and we keep them far easier than you might think. Very few leave us. We usually do the jettisoning.

 

  1. Our friends must never outshine us

We like our friends to be beautiful and handsome but not better looking than us. We like to have a beautiful crowd around us, it signals to the world that we are special. We want the interesting folk, the talented, the successful and so forth as we are able to steal traits from all of these people to accentuate our own success and popularity so we are better able to seduce more people into our sphere of influence. We want them to achieve, look good, be fascinating so long as none of them outshine us. We benefit from the reflected glory but it must not shine brighter than our star otherwise someone will have to be exited. There is only room for one king on this throne.

 

  1. We can actually like our friends

So long as the member of our inner or outer circle does not offend any of our requirements detailed above we often do actually like them for being interesting and caring people. Of course, this is not enough on its own, they must provide fuel, allow us to take traits and provide residual benefits but we are able enough to like the fact that someone is amusing, that someone is a good partner at badminton (as long as we usually win) or has some entertaining anecdotes to share from a recent holiday. So long as they do not transgress across our requirements then we will also take delight in these additional traits, for like jesters, ambassadors and courtiers in a royal court they all have their own individual function that serves to benefit us.

The Terrible Gaslighting Twenty

You are familiar with gas lighting where we twist reality over and over again in order to create doubt. You begin to question yourself, doubt your recollection and feel like you are losing your sanity. It is an insidious tactic and one which we always use in order to destabilise you and maintain our control and the upper hand. We change history, re-write what has happened and we will do so even when faced with what you think is incontrovertible truth and evidence. Our confidence and certainty in the way we approach this, combined with the patronising appearance of caring about your tired and failing mind is especially bewildering. Our aim is to cause you to question your reality so you much more readily accept the false reality that we create and operate in. Here are twenty of our favourite phrases which are used to gas light you.

  1. “It never happened.”
  2. “You are lying.”
  3. “You imagined it.”
  4. “You haven’t remembered it correctly.”
  5. “Yes,you did do it because I remember distinctly.”
  6. “Are you calling me a liar?”
  7. “If I look for it you had better hope I don’t find it. Oh, what’s this? Just where I said it would be.”
  8. “I never told you to do that, why would I ever say that?”
  9. “Your dad wouldn’t do that to you.”
  10. “You are suffering from delusions, I think we need a doctor for you.”
  11. “You like to cause an argument out of nothing don’t you?”
  12. “You twist my words, I did not mean it like that.”
  13. “You never told me that at all,I would have remembered.”
  14. “Nobody likes you, they’ve all told me this.”
  15. “You need help, it is caused by your anger problem.”
  16. “Why are you inventing things again? You are such an attention seeker.”
  17. “That never happened.”
  18. “Dear me, you always make things up, you’ve done it ever since you were a child.”
  19. “We are just friends, you are reading too much into it.”
  20. “That couldn’t possibly have hurt you, why are you saying it did?”

A Brief Period of Rejoicing

 

 

 

The period of devaluation will feel like an ongoing onslaught against you as the various methods of manipulation are deployed against you. We know that is cannot be an unending assault, for no matter how tempting it may be to keep exacting the negative fuel from you as a consequence of your tears, fear, frustration and anger, there is only so much that you can sustain before you decide that enough is enough and you depart. Bringing about such a swift cessation of our primary source of fuel is contrary to our needs and therefore the abusive regime must be rationed in order to provide for the maximum return. Furthermore, if we were to maintain a permanent state of abuse then we would also bring about your failure to function as a reliable appliance. Either you would break under the onslaught or you would eventually become de-sensitised too it and no matter how hard we tried to up the ante, it just would not have the same effect. Whether broken or de-sensitised such a condition results in the interruption to our fuel supply and that is of the paramount importance.

To avoid this happening we will provide various periods of respite during the devaluation phase. This creates the push and pull factor that you become so familiar with. This is what creates the sensation of being strapped to a rollercoaster with no capacity to control its direction or speed. You will be subjected to a silent treatment out of nowhere. One moment you will be relaxing on a Sunday afternoon after a pleasant lunch and then you ask us an innocent question. There is no answer. You ask again in case we have not heard but we remain reading the newspaper. You ask a third time and we fold down a section of the newspaper so that we may peer at you from behind it as that ice-cold glare forms. You are immediately taken aback and your look of hurt and confusion provides the fuel as you ask us what is the matter. Silence. You ask again. Silence. You get up and come over to us and keep asking what is wrong, what is it that you have said, please will we talk to you. More silence. You replay the day so far, in your mind and then you engage in asking us whether when you did this was that what has upset us? Or perhaps when you said something else, is this what has brought this silence on? We of course give you now clues, we provide no answers and your anxiety increases. You move away, desperate to know what it is that has caused the sudden silence but you are wary of irritating us further. You fix us a drink but it is left untouched and then when you next return to the living room we have vanished. You call out through the house and search through it but we cannot be found. Our car has gone from the driveway and you ring our mobile ‘phone. It rings but there is no answer. You keep trying and you also send text messages but there comes no response. This lasts a day, three days or even more and throughout this your anxiety and worry has heightened. All the while we know precisely how you will be reacting and we also see the calls, the texts and we are told by friends that you have been in contact with them worried sick. It all provides fuel.

We then walk back into the house as if nothing has happened and smile at you. We see the relief flood across you and the tears of joy welling in your eyes as yet more fuel comes our way. We hold our arms out and like the child being granted access again to a once angry parent you dart into them, the surge of emotion rippling across you as you feel relieved, delighted and happy. This cessation of the silent treatment, or another form of abusive manipulation that we will deploy during the devaluation stage does not end there. We take it further. We reinstate the golden period so that not only are you so relieved that the horrible silent treatment has ended you become elated that this wonderful period has returned. We treat you like we did during the seduction, telling you how much we love you, we buy you a gift, we help out around the house and arrange to take you somewhere special for dinner. That night we take you to be and make love to you in that delicious way once again and you sleep soundly, feeling safe and secure once again. You give yourself a pat on the back for having endured the difficult period of our silent treatment because it has been worth it in the end. The golden period has come back. You gently scold yourself for having even been worried and rationalise that we obviously needed some space or it was a reaction to being under considerable stress at work. You may have asked us about why we disappeared and you will not have received the truth. You will have been give plausible platitudes such as

“I’ve a lot on my mind and I need room to think.”

“I had to get out before something terrible happened between us.”

“I need some space to breathe, things have been intense as of late.”

These are just excuses that we know you will accept because you are the forgiving type and besides, we are back and the golden period is as well, so you do not want to do anything to jeopardise that by subjecting us to some kind of inquisition. Indeed, there are times, despite your need to know, that you decide it is better to ask nothing and instead revel in the fact that we have come back. We will act as if nothing has happened and you are content to accept that. Peace is so much more enjoyable than war and what a golden peace it is too.

Whether it is the silent treatment, shouting at you, criticising you, intimidating you, messing about with other women or men or all of them, we will call a halt (and there is no logic as to when this will happen so do not think you can see a sign that it is about to change) when we see fit and end the awful treatment by providing you with respite.

This respite prevents you from upping sticks. It prevents you from failing to function. It maintains our source of fuel. This respite provides the contrast so that the positive fuel arising from your joy, delight and relief is powerful indeed. It also provides the contrast for when the devaluation will commence again and it will, so that the negative fuel that flows takes on renewed potency.

Moreover, this acts of kindness which are scattered throughout the devaluation period as a whole act to bind you to us. You feel relief. You also know, when the abuse begins again, that if you hang in there and try to work things out, the golden period will come back once again, you just have to wait and keep working hard to recover it. You are duped into thinking that its restitution is as a consequence of your clingability and something you have done to please us. It is not. You may as well roll a die and the number will equate to the number of weeks of abuse that you will endure before we switch and provide you with respite. Just like the terrorist who takes civilians hostage and frightens and beats them, he will show an act of kindness by allowing the captive to shower or make a call to a relative. The captive then feels warmth towards their captor, despite what they are doing to the captive overall and this engenders hope that another small act of kindness will be exhibited if the captor is kept onside. You are captive to our narcissistic wiles and just like a hostage you will await these moments of tenderness, kindness and the return of the golden period. You will do what you can to keep us onside so that they can return because we have imbued you with the hope that the golden period will return. Thus you remain bound to us and this will allow us to continue the extraction of fuel. This has to happen for the contrast is required to allow the devaluation to be protracted and to continue to provide the fuel.

You are duped into believing that you can influence us to cause the restoration of the golden period and keep it in place. You cannot. You may as well roll a die and the number that comes up will be the number of weeks that you will endure the particular abusive manipulation or manipulations before we suddenly switch back to a period of respite and the golden period.

You will rejoice when this golden period returns and you are given respite. The reality is that it will only ever be a brief period of rejoicing.

Seeking Revenge

I know you hate me. Your kind are filled with love and then filled with hate. There is no need to deny it. It is a normal reaction for someone like you and one which I entirely endorse and encourage. I know you will try and mask that burning anger that you feel by saying you pity me or that you have nothing but contempt for me but I can see it. Those sensational eyes of yours that once blazed with desire, passion and most of all hope, are now filled with the churning, billowing flames of hatred. Some of you will fight to contain this sensation. You fear that by giving in to this hatred that you will somehow be on a level with me. I can ease your fears in that regard. You are nowhere near my level and nor were you. I placed you far higher than me to begin with. Yes it was artificial and all part of my design but you had no complaint then did you? You did not object or demur when I thrust you skywards and planted you no that pedestal. Of course you did not. Who would? Nobody would and least of all somebody like you. Now you are on your true level, way down below me, cast onto stony ground, broken and shattered. Amazing though isn’t it how you managed to summon such an anger from somewhere. How many times had you said to your confidantes that you felt numb (yes they were reporting back to me). Yet now look at you. A seething, glowering fireball of hatred and it is all directed at me. I adore this.

You want to destroy me. I know you do. You all do. The one before you was exactly the same as the one before was and the one before her. The next one will be just the same,although I do still hold out some hope that she might just be different and somehow avoid the mistakes all those who have gone before have made. I have seen this hatred many times and your desire for revenge is strong. Of course it is. I made it this way. Everything I did as I brought you down low was programmed to cause you to eventually explode into hatred. From elation to despair, through broken to numb. Eventually the switch would be flicked and as puppet master I ignite the fire beneath you which stokes the flames of hatred. Despise me, go on, do it. Send those wicked words towards me. Tell me what a bastard I am. Keep it coming. Pull you hair, wave your fist and stamp your feet. Tell me how you are going to scratch my car. Feels good does it not? Believe me, it feels even better being on the receiving end of your bile and hate. Go on, sit with your friends and plot your revenge, I can feel you all huddled around your cauldron as you try and concoct ways at getting back at me. I feel so powerful knowing you are focussed on seeking retribution. This is what I want. I want to bask in the heat of your anger, I want to be covered in the disgust and distaste that you will spew towards me. I want you scheming, hatching and planning. By hurting you do deeply I plant inside you that overwhelming desire to get even with me. It happens every time and is all part of my master plan to ensure you, my beautiful appliance keep pouring fuel in my direction. I make you seek revenge for in doing so, your planning and ham-fisted execution of the same give me what I want. Fuel. You are blinded with your hatred so that you fail to realise you will not succeed in gaining revenge, not by shouting, spitting and scratching. Oh no, this overload of howling anger is just a banshee of fuel to me. I will twist and shift as I thwart your attempts, laughing at your pathetic efforts to try and get one over on me. This will spur you on as I lead you on yet another merry dance as I continue to take from you exactly what I need. So please, seek your revenge. You will not get it but I will be delighted seeing you try.