I am letting you see my worldview for your own protection.

THE EMOTIONAL BATTLEPART THREE.jpg

 

When you have been discarded, you face three battles in order to secure your freedom. The first is the Emotional Battle which you always lose until you learn not fight it. The second is the Heart V Head Battle which must be fought many times until you finally overcome the powerful effects of emotion and allow your cool, hard logic to dictate. Once that battle has been won, you have managed to navigate a way through the emotional ocean and then you have reached dry land on the other side. This is where the third battle is joined. This dry land provides you with a firmer foundation and just like the discovery of the New World, boundless opportunities. You are no longer prone to the vagaries of the swelling and dramatic ocean of emotions. That is not to say that your emotions have been switched off. Far from it. Instead, the solidity of this land is a reflection of the greater control you now have over your emotions as you ally them with the logic that you have regained. No longer do you feel overwhelmed. You are not beset by anxiety. Fear does not maintain a near permanent grip on your stomach. You were repeatedly drowned as you tried to swim the emotional ocean alone in the first battle. You saw yourself swamped and capsized on numerous occasions as reach time you increased your intellect and understanding as you built larger and more seaworthy vessels until finally you navigated your war through that broiling sea of feelings and now you stand on firm, dry and solid land. Your critical thinking has increased, your sense of calm has bloomed and you have gained greater control.

You stand before a land of opportunities and this is where you are now able to make the decisions. In the previous two battles you were overwhelmed and then often on the back foot. Here, in this final battle, you have the opportunity to seize and maintain the upper hand. You have so many choices available to you now.

You may decide to build a large tower and secrete yourself inside. You have the sturdy foundation now on which to construct this edifice. You are safe and secure high up in this tower. You admit visitors but only those that you know can be trusted. Occasionally you hear a knock in the dead of night. You make your way to the balcony and look down from your towering height to see us stood outside knocking on the door and seeking admittance. You may feel the surge of those emotions once more but you have greater control now. You may call out and wave, issuing a polite greeting and no more. You may decide just to turn around and leave us to our ineffectual knocking. Either way in this battle you have seized control and you are far better equipped to make rational decisions which suit you and prevent you from being wholly governed by those turbulent emotions.

You may decide to forge ahead and seek out new adventures in this land. You meet new people and form fresh and lasting friendships, perhaps even finding someone with whom you can share intimacy and romance. As you trek through this land, gathering new friends and revisiting those who were conned into severing the ties with you, you remain vigilant for out of nowhere we might appear. We might strike, lurching through a crowd hurling insults. You are better armed this time and able to shield yourself before moving away, refusing to be drawn into responding and a war of words like you once might have done. It may be the case, as you embrace these new horizons that we appear, smiling and benign, sidling up to you and taking you by surprise. The risk always remains, for if you are abroad within this new land, you cannot place yourself behind sturdy defences. Thus, you remain exposed to ambush and approach. You remain better equipped than you were, as a consequence of your gathered learning, your increased understanding and ongoing recovery. You are in a better position to rebuff the ambush, refusing to engage and making your departure to safer ground. Sometimes you may be caught and those emotions wash about you as we try to haul you back across the sea to a time when you were alone and going under the lashing waves. This risk always remains.

You may opt to establish an estate where you do not take refuge in some tower, but instead you create a place of familiarity where everyone is known to you and you are known to them. You have your supporters in clear view and whilst you may not tread down the path less travelled in search of new territories you reduce your risk of us appearing out of nowhere. These familiar places enable you to maintain clear lines of sight so that if we do make an appearance you are able to take suitable evasive action.

This final battle takes the form of repeated skirmishes as we seek to catch you unawares and drag you back to an earlier battle where our prospects of success are maximised. Sometimes we succeed. Sometimes one of our devious ploys catches you unaware and we scale your tower and appear on your balcony like that once desired Prince Charming again and your defences are breached. Other times you repel our approaches, turning your back or cutting us down with new learned techniques which force us to withdraw. You may see no action for weeks, months and even years as new reaches you that we are fighting on other fronts, seemingly content to leave you be. At least for the time being. Then out of nowhere you may reduce your vigilance and we are by your side, seeking to snake our tendrils around you once again. In this final battle you now know what to look for. When we march on to the battle field you see and take heed of the red flags which stream behind us. You have learned methods by which you can counter and neutralise our manipulations. You have established safe territories to which you might retreat if the need arises. You have fashioned your own armoury in this new land of hope and promise. You now know how you can wound us and now, exerting greater control, you do so which gives us no option but to disengage from the skirmish and skulk away to lick our wounds and regroup.

This final battle takes place in a land where the battlefield, for the first time, is more of your choosing than ours. You have better equipped to fight this battle and whilst there remains a risk of defeat and you being ensnared once again, it is far less than in the previous two battles. You are battle-hardened and those scars are worn as badges of honour as you stand tall for the first time in, well, you cannot recall when that last happened, but it has happened at last.

Thus, this is the final battle post discard. The battle that takes place on dry land. Should you overcome the first two battles, this is where you will find yourself. Now you understand where you will end up as you deal with the fallout from being discarded. Now you are aware of what will happen, what to expect and how you are in a better position to keep winning the skirmishes in this final battle. This only leaves one question remaining. How long will this final battle last?

It will continue until one of us no longer lives.

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THE AGEING NARCISSIST -PART ONE

I am often asked about the effects of the advancement of time on our kind. I have written about how this affected one of my uncles, Robert and how I have laid plans to explain how his fate will not befall me. What, though, of how the advancement of time and aging impacts on our kind more generally? The standard question that is asked is whether a narcissist will get better or worse with age. As you might expect, it is not as straight forward as that as it will depend on the cadre of narcissist and the relevant school.

The Victim Cadre

All of our kind see ourselves as victims and will make use of emotional blackmail, pity plays and drives for sympathy as part of the narcissistic arsenal to further our aims, but one cadre of narcissist takes it to an extreme and relies on sympathy, pity and being cared for more often and more intensely and thus amounts to being a Victim Narcissist.

The Lesser Victim

Age will give the LVN more to complain about, more to point to and more to seek sympathy for. Used to already drawing his fuel primarily through the application of concern, sympathy and caring, he can look forward to getting more of this as time advances. As his illnesses become worse, his flesh weakens and his conditions become all the more debilitating he will rely heavily on gaining his fuel from his primary source who is likely to be his primary carer. Lacking the ability to seek fuel from fraternising with new sources, the LVN will look to have his fuel levels maintained by the primary source and a small group of family and friends.

He will be something of a curmudgeon, always complaining about his aches and pains in order to draw that fuel and will be seen as a burden. Lacking control, he will often erupt when he feels he is not being cared for and his physical pains become too great for him. He will have chosen most likely a Carrier Empath to shoulder this burden but if the primary source should ever escape, although this is less likely as the relevant primary source will have been selected for his or her quality caring and domestic attributes, he is likely to be moved to a care home where a succession of carers will be shunted between primary – non intimate – sources and secondary sources.

The LVN in advanced age will struggle to find a replacement intimate partner primary source if he or she is lost. This is because the LVN relies on solely his need to be mothered and looked after as his ‘selling point’. His own parents will be dead and therefore they cannot be promoted to primary source and he will lack the mobility and cognitive function to seduce a new intimate partner primary source. He can do this when younger, when his conditions are not as extensive and he finds that especially caring individual but when he is much older, he does not have this option. He has neither charm, money or intellect to draw a younger appliance to him and therefore the LVN runs the risk of losing the long-standing primary source through his rants and tantrums.

He will find himself trying to rely on family members, possibly brother, sisters or children, as secondary sources but none will be willing to adopt the mantle of primary source as they will have their own lives to lead and unless the LVN can sustain fuel from these secondary sources along with professional carers also as secondary sources, he faces a diminution in fuel which will add a further weakness to the physical and mental ones which have already amassed. Decrepitude is inevitable.

The aged LVN becomes even more unappealing with age. Furious at his limitations, unable to control that fury, but weakened from fuel losses, his is an unpleasant dotage. He will lash out at those who care for him, running the risk of isolating them and becoming the author of his own misfortune as he is visited less and less by a reducing pool of friends and family. If able to secure professional care, he will be regarded as a cantankerous and unpleasant charge for those caring for him who only do so out of a sense of professional obligation and therefore the fuel provided by these professional caregivers will be limited. He will invariably lack mobility and even access to technology is unlikely to assist through reduced cognitive function, diminished hearing and eyesight.

He will also have led a life which has been poor in terms of health and hygiene. He may well have issues with drink and will turn to this in particular as he slowly drinks himself to death, using it as a crutch against the cruelty of the world leaving him in this manner. He will sink into a routine of demanding his fix of drink or tobacco, caring not for the deleterious impact it will have, but rather needing the short-term boost it provides him with, oblivious to the downward spiral he has embarked on.

A combination of poor lifestyle choices, pre-existing health problems and the potential loss of a primary source caregiver, with other sources remaining away owing to the unpleasant, nasty and malodorous nature of the LVN means that they are more likely to face death in their 50s and 60s.

The LVN, unable to control his beast, will frighten away those but the most hardy and thus he runs a considerable risk of descending into decrepitude, alone, furious and unloved as his already shortened days come to an ignominious end.

The Mid-Range Victim

The MRVN follows a similar path to that of the LVN. Age will not be kind to him, increasing his discomfort, exacerbating his pain and making him rail against the unfairness of his situation. Whereas the LVN becomes the architect of his isolation by his inability to keep his fury under control at those around him, the MRVN has an increased cognitive function which he or she will put to better use.

The MRVN will retain some degree of charm, though nowhere near the standard of the greater, but he will be able to amuse and draw people to him, politely seeking their assistance with lowering him into the bath or rubbing lotions into his aching limbs. He does not like this reliance but has enough awareness to realise that he needs the assistance of others and he also has sufficient control over his fury to avoid lashing out in a fit of temper against those he needs to care for him

The MRVN stands a better chance of holding on to his primary source and also recognises that this person not only cares for him and thus provides fuel, but will provide a host of residual benefits and accordingly his machinations will mellow as he ages. He has enough acumen to recognise that having someone cook, clean and care for him as he ages is a useful trade-off for sticking with the same person. The likelihood of infidelity will diminish considerably from an already low point since Victim Narcissists have little interest in sex but rather use their general incompetence or impotence in that arena to garner the sympathy that fuels them. They have no need to be applauded for being a sexual Olympian when they can roll out a pity play for the inability to perform and blame it on some long-standing imagined fear.

As the MRVN ages there will be a lessening of the drama that once existed and with decreased energy levels he can no longer sustain the playing off of people against one another and instead focuses on just receiving their emotional attention and being cared for. He will use his moderate degree of charm to ask people to come and see him, pretending to take an interest in what the grandchildren are doing or how his favourite nephew is getting on with his new job. He will place a sprinkling of sugar in order to get those secondary sources to pay heed to him. The MRVN will make particular use of familial secondary sources during his dotage and indeed the primary source can witness a lessening of their burden as a ‘reward’ for sticking with the MRVN. If these mild charm offensives do not work however, what you will notice is that what fury is ignited will manifest as emotional blackmail and sulking as the MRVN coerces secondary sources into caring for him and visiting to provide fuel.

‘I am your father, not that it seems to matter to you, you haven’t visited me in two weeks.’

‘I will just sit here on my own shall I while you gad about, you selfish so and so.’

‘Old Bill gets plenty of visitors so I am left wondering where mine are.’

The family and friends of the MRVN can expect such spikey comments to be made in telephone calls and messages for the purposes of emotionally blackmailing those sources into providing fuel.

The MRVN will ensure he is well-cared for with a motivated primary source and plenty of secondary sources, galvanised through the carrot of mild charm or the stick of emotional blackmail. He is unlikely to struggle for fuel and recognises the considerable advantages of keeping onside the primary and secondary sources for the residual benefits. He is not as short-sighted, either literally or figuratively, as the LVN. For the most part, his demeanour will improve, save for occasional sulks and silent treatments, but these will not be as prolific as when he was younger. His old age will be comfortable for him as he is content to settle into the routine of being cared for and given a reasonable level of fuel , able to recognise his limitations and control his fury, for the most part. Those around him will find the occasional period of self-centred sulking and demands for assistance, but will most likely find him to be less arduous that he was when was younger.

The MRVN will have taken a reasonably sensible course through life and notwithstanding his ailments and physical shortcomings, he will have sufficient charm and economic power to ensure that the autumn of his life is relatively comfortable, if restricted. He will confine himself to his ‘tower’ and expect others to attend on him.

The Greater Victim

This combination of cadre and school does not exist.

Part Two will address the Somatic cadre and the relevant schools applicable to that type of narcissist.

3 LITTLEEMPATHS

Once upon a time, there were three little empaths who lived with a Wise Old Empath. The Wise Old Empath felt that more good needed to be done in the world, so she sent the three little empaths out in to the world and besides she wanted to be able to binge watch boxsets of Baking With Goodness without interruption. As she waved good bye to the three little empaths she called out,

“Go into the world my little empaths and spread your goodness all around, but please watch out for the narcissists. They are not easy to spot and make sure you all build a good home on the foundation of no contact. There is only one architect you should look for, he is called Hurt God.”

“We will!” chorused the three little empaths as they headed off into the world. The three little empaths soon set about commencing their good works and it was not long before pods of gay blind whales were being saved, a GoFundMe account was up and running for Oppressed Men with Beards and of Diminished Stature and  Crochet ‘Cos U Care Clubs sprang up across the land.

Yet, there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth as each of the three little empaths fell foul to the lure of The Narcissist. After Glorious Golden Periods and Devilish Devaluations, the three little empaths each made an escape bid.

The first little empath was scurrying along the yellow brick road seeking to escape her narcissist as she remembered the words of the Wise Old Empath.

“I need to build a house founded on no contact. W.O.E told me to find Hurt God but that sounds like such hard work and I was hoping to bake some Gullible Tarts this afternoon, oh what am I to do?”

Just then a woman rounded the yellow brick road.

“Hello first little empath, did I hear you need to build a House of No Contact?” she asked.

“Yes, yes I do, who are you?” asked the first little empath.

“I am Hysterical Tirade, I know about no contact,” replied the woman.

“You do?” asked the first little empath with enthusiasm, “I was told to use the architect Hurt God, but that sounds like hard work finding him.”

“Oh, it is and he is not a pleasant man, you do not want to use his work. My work is really just a personal rant about the narcissist that ensnared me, but don’t let that distract you from how brilliant my advice is. Here take this book.”

“Oh, thank you so much, now I can build my House of No Contact and do some baking.” And the first little empath used the book provided by Hysterical Tirade to build a House of No Contact on the spot where she was stood.

Not much later, as the first little empath was rolling the pastry for the Gullible Tarts she heard a familiar voice.

“Little emp, little emp, let me come in!”

It was an ogre of a Lesser Narcissist!

“Shove it douchebag!” shouted the first little empath defiantly.

“Then I will shout and I will scream and I will make a huge din so I can ensure I hoover you straight back in!” cried the Lesser Narcissist.

The first little empath smiled for she was in a House of No Contact but then she paused as she felt a cold hand of dread about her throat.

“Er, how did you find me?” she asked.

“Ha ha,” laughed the Lesser Narcissist, “look next door.”

The first little empath looked out of the window and saw across the garden was the man she knew as Lou Tenant waving back at her with a sardonic grin.

“Damn!” cursed the first little empath, “Hysterical Tirade’s Guide to the House of No Contact said nothing about building next to the House of Lou Tenant.”

“What a shame,” smiled the Lesser Narcissist as he strolled up behind the first little empath, slung her over his shoulder and set off back to Narc Town, leaving the First House of No Contact to crumble behind them.

 

The second little empath was hurrying along the road paved with gold seeking to escape her narcissist as she remembered the words of the Wise Old Empath.

“I need to build a house founded on no contact. W.O.E told me to find Hurt God but that sounds like such hard work and I was hoping to knit some Hats of Eternal Hope this afternoon, oh what am I to do?”

Just then a man rounded a corner of the road paved with gold.

“Hello second little empath, did I hear you need to build a House of No Contact?” he asked as he adjusted his vest and gave a smile.

“Yes, yes I do, who are you?” asked the second little empath.

“I am Smooth Amateur, I know about no contact,” replied the man.

“You do?” asked the second little empath with enthusiasm, “I was told to use the architect Hurt God, but that sounds like hard work finding him.”

“Oh, it is and he is a psychopath you know so he is a pathological liar, you do not want to use his work. My work is really just a collection of some fairly good ideas to essentially make me look like a hero whilst not really conveying the reality, but don’t let that distract you from how brilliant my advice is. Here take this book.”

“Oh, thank you so much, now I can build my House of No Contact and do some knitting.” And the second little empath used the book provided by Smooth Amateur to build a House of No Contact on the spot where she was stood.

Not much later, as the second little empath was knitting busily in her parlour she heard a familiar voice.

“Little emp, little emp, let me come in!”

It was a cowardly Mid-Range Narcissist!

“Beat it loser!” shouted the second little empath defiantly.

“Then I will plead and I will cajole and I will smear you with sin, so I can ensure I hoover you straight back in!” cried the Mid-Range Narcissist.

The second little empath smiled for she was in a House of No Contact but then she paused as she felt a cold hand of dread about her throat.

“Wait how did you know I would be here?” she asked

“You’ve been plastering yourself all over BaseFuck, Twatter, NarcMagnet and Plenty of Narcs, you gave plenty of detail about what you are doing and where and you did not block me,” smiled the Mid Range Narcissist with an oily grin.

“Damn!” cursed the second little empath, “Smooth Amateur’s Guide to the House of No Contact said nothing about staying off social media and blocking you.”

“What a shame,” smiled the Mid-Range Narcissist, “but it’s not all bad, after all, you should be looking after me now,” as he strolled up behind the second little empath, took her by the hand and set off back to Narc Town, leaving the Second House of No Contact to crumble behind them.

 

The third little empath was scurrying along the road to hell paved with good intentions seeking to escape her narcissist as she remembered the words of the Wise Old Empath.

“I need to build a house founded on no contact. W.O.E told me to find Hurt God and by the lack of hairs on my smooth chinny chinny chin chin I will find this mysterious Hurt God” she declared with resolve.

So the third little empath walked the road to hell paved with good intentions and was repeatedly offered books, videos and seminars on how to build the Ultimate House of No Contact by many people. She ignored various providers, such as Miss Unsupported Bonkers Theory, Unduly Esoteric Explanation Man, Hopelessly Rambling Victim, Mr Nice But Narc, Miss Tie Twenty Crystals Around Your Forehead and other well-meaning but ultimately ineffective purveyors of advice.

The third little empath grew weary and as the sun began to set, she feared that she would not be able to build a House of No Contact on Hurt God’s foundation before her narcissist caught up with her.

Just then the third empath turned a corner of the road and there was a tall, slim man who immediately exuded an air of malevolent menace. She could not see his features against the brightness of the sinking sun but the darkness which flowed from him made her feel wary and unsettled.

“Hello third little empath, did I hear you need to build a House of No Contact?” he asked in a voice which was authoritative and beguiling.

“Yes, yes I do, but I should not talk to strangers and certainly not ones as magnetic as you,” said the third little empath.

“Very sensible,” laughed the mysterious stranger and the third little empath was both aroused and repulsed, “but you need not worry, you are but a tertiary source and I have more proximate empaths to toy with. Here, take this, it will serve you excellent well,” and with that the stranger pressed a book into the shaking hands of the third little empath before he strode away whistling “A Hunting We Will Go” to himself.

The third little empath looked at the book and saw the title “Hurt God’s Ultimate House of No Contact” and she promptly fainted.

Some time later the third little empath came to and recalled her brief encounter with Hurt God. She saw the book still nearby and snatched it up and immediately set about digesting its content.

Even more time later, the third little empath was settling down to watch an episode of ‘Narcland’s Got Empaths’ when there was chime from her mobile phone. She saw a notification from her NarcCam and opened up the application. She watched transfixed as she saw a shadowy figure moving towards a house, caught on a concealed NarcCam.

“Goodness, it is the Greater Narcissist!” declared the third little empath. She sat in her comfortable armchair and watched remotely as the figure strolled with complete confidence up to a well-appointed house.

“He has come to hoover me!” announced the third little empath. The camera had sound and vision and she could hear the Greater Narcissist saying smoothly,

“Little emp, little emp, let me come in.”

“No way buster,” said the third little empath.

The Greater strode up the steps on to the porch in full view of the camera and turned and looked straight into the lens. He gave a radiant smile and said,

“Oh don’t be like that, I’ve come to repair the rift, I’ll hoover you with an expensive gift,” and then he extended a manicured forefinger and pressed the door bell.

Suddenly a trapdoor opened and the Greater dropped out of sight.

“Let’s see how a period of fuel free isolation suits you Mr Narcissist,” said the third little empath. She set down her ‘phone and picked up the television remote control. The third little empath patted the book that rested on the arm of her chair.

“Great work Hurts God, thanks to you I set up a robust House of No Contact and created a diversionary house with a false trail which the narcissist went to instead and now he is reflecting on what on earth has just happened from within a sealed drum of isolation.”

Just then a text arrived on the third little empath’s phone and she gave a short gasp.

“HG approves,” read the text.

 

 

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